Welcome To Tomorrow
by Izaranna
Summary: In which a plot is demolished because a dimple-cheeked baby gave Obito a gummy smile, and then proceeded to raise a minion army with hugs, cuddles and an assortment of saccharine treats. Uchiha SI/OC Elder Sister
1. Falling Freely

**Foreword**

 **Hello Everyone!**

 **If you've stumbled across this story and have more than average expectations, be forewarned that I may either exceed said expectations by a mile, or fall rather short.  
I can, however, promise you above average grammar, spelling and punctuation, if you'll forgive the occasional typo.**

 **I wrote Akito as an antithesis to the hideously prevalent angst-ridden SI's this fandom is cluttered with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing it when it's well done, but I'm sick and tired of reading no happy ones, only morally ambiguous or on-the-verge-of-mental-breakdown ones. So, in short, she's a mainly happy SI/OC. Of course, she'll have problems later on, but again, she's not going to angst for too long.  
I initially began this as a fluffy, lighthearted thing, and then my muses ran away with me, so this ended up being a political, social and moral mess, with cute babies and asinine character quirks mixed in to even out the surprisingly heavy themes. I've been told it gives people whiplash.**

 **I've rather enjoyed writing this, far more than I thought I would.**

 **A bit about the character you're about to follow: she is, as one reviewer described her, a hero. She is loving and caring, sweet and funny, kind and affectionate, quirky and just a tad bit insane.  
Akito's also a genius, and it comes with the premise of believing she isn't clever enough, believing she isn't doing enough, and feeling inadequate. These are her flaws, though she's already learned to accept them. They come back occasionally, but are fairly subtle because I'm not writing angst more than I can help it.**

 **HOWEVER, I've received reviews concerning her advanced vocabulary as a one-two year old.  
I'll attempt to explain this.  
The minute she gains a modicum of motor function, she begins urging her carers to teach her the words. When she figures out the language is Japanese, she gains context. I haven't made it too clear in the chapter, but she'd already learned basic Japanese in her previous life, and simply needed to brush up, and then add a polish to it that can only be gained through full immersion.  
I've used advanced vocabulary to show that she's speaking the politer form of Japanese - keigo - which is what her entire clan regularly converses in.  
Also, as it's her point of view, she doesn't believe she's making any mistakes. I promise you that she's using the sentence structure and words wrongly - she just doesn't realise this. The people around her don't point it out because she's a child.**

 **I've also received reviews about the problem with Akito being a bit of a MinaKushi fangirl. If you've seen the rest of my previous work, you'll know that I have a...very great fondness for the Yellow Flash and the Red Hot-Blooded Habanero. I promise that it only adds, rather than detracts, but of course, you may be the judge of that.**

 **My view on shinobi: the mediocre ones notice when things are out of place. The geniuses don't. Akito's extremely advanced for her age. If she associated herself with moderately intelligent people, they would notice something was wrong. However, she's surrounded by her genius clan, associates herself with geniuses (more by sheer coincidence than anything else), and they believe that that's normal or they put it down to a quirk. The only ones that notice are kids who don't know any differently.**

 **Now that I've bored you with the semantics, I hope you enjoy the rest of Welcome to Tomorrow! :)**

* * *

 ** _'The only limits of your life are the ones you create with your mind.'_**

* * *

It was abrupt.

The sun was sweltering hot, the asphalt seemed to be melting in the heat, and the dust had a scent of its own as I inhaled the world, waiting for the school bus with my brothers.

It was seven in the morning and I was still half asleep when the bus pulled over, screeching to a halt and kicking up the dry dust.

The bus driver smiled at me - he was practically an old friend, and by old I mean might-as-well-have-walked-out-of-an-Egyptian-mummy-exhibit level old - and I smiled back at him, stopping at the stairs. It was nothing out of the ordinary, so he shut the door and the bus took off. There weren't any seats left so I'd just stood where I was - I'd done it before and I was doing it again.

I was inventorying as we sped past the melting landscape, teachers and students chattering and bemoaning their unfinished homework or the state of the government, or both, figuring out what time my mum would finish her day shift at the hospital and what I'd have to cook when I got home, what all I'd reviewed for my chemistry exam, what exactly a nargle might look like…

You know, everyday stuff.

We got to the school and everyone disembarked, me, as per usual, being the last one. And then he shut the door, and I hadn't moved away far enough.

There were a lot of horrified exclamations and beeping, but the driver didn't know why. We were kids, we were rowdy, he had no reason to suspect that the bag's strap had been caught by the door, twisted in such a way that, not only could it not be unfastened, but that I couldn't take it off.

It was abrupt, so abrupt.

Because one minute I was holding onto the bus for dear life, and the next, I was flying.

* * *

The walls were trying to squeeze me, pulsating and constricting, and I tried to push the walls back.

You know the feeling you get underwater and you can't hear anything but a weird humming and the beat of your own heart? Yeah, that was a constant reality in this little dark space. It was the first thing I noticed, and for a long time it was the only thing worth noticing. There really wasn't anything else, at all.

I didn't like enclosed spaces, so sometimes I used to squirm. One time I squirmed too much and I was suddenly upside down and I think that was even worse. Something hard pushed me and prodded me and suddenly I was straight again. I stopped squirming after that.

I kept on pushing the walls intermittently, futilely, because they kept squeezing me back tighter and tighter, so obviously, like any sane person with healthy self-preservation, I tried kicking.

That's when I heard the humming. And the screaming. Also, the tap-tapping of the wall, like a leaky faucet, or a drum.

I heard indistinct voices a lot too— there was a lot of yelling and barking. I was used to that, I know I am but I don't remember how. It was soothing in a way, because silence wasn't something I enjoyed unless it was voluntary, and this most definitely was not. I wanted to speak, I knew how, but the movements just wouldn't happen. Instead of panicking like I thought was the normal response, I simply didn't bother.

By this point I'd realised that here, wherever here was, I wasn't allowed to do anything until there was more stimuli. It wasn't scary anymore.

Sometimes the walls were poked, sometimes there was humming. More often than not, I felt utterly bloated, like I'd drunk way too much water in one go, but the warm feeling I got from it made up for the discomfort. I didn't know what it was, but it was okay, because I was safe here.

I fell asleep a lot, and it was on one such interval that the little place I was in began squeezing me even worse, and the warm water around me suddenly began to overflow. I wanted to scream, because I felt like I was drowning, and something hard hit me, and it hurt and I wanted to cry, and I started squirming again, and I could hear screaming, but it wasn't like before, it was like death and dying and I hated it, so so much.

The feeling lasted a lot longer than I cared for it to, and then there was a flood of green warmth, and I felt sleepy again, and the hurt vanished and I didn't want to scream or cry anymore. I fell in love with that green.

Another long while passed, but not as long as the 'before'. The Green Warmth flooded me again, and I wanted to smile or laugh, but just like crying, I couldn't. I wanted to reach out and grab it but I couldn't and this time, I wasn't ready to sit there docilely and let it escape.

I began kicking and squirming and doing all sorts of complicated yoga poses, and the Walls, not something that would take abuse lying down, proceeded to treat me like toothpaste and _squeezed_.

The Green Warmth touched my head, and then pulled, helping me escape the Walls, and then, like breaking the surface of the ocean after a near-drowning experience, I breathed.

I was so focussed on breathing, everything else stopped mattering. All that mattered was _in, out, in out in out in out._

It'd been such a long time since I _could_ breathe, and only now did I wonder how I'd survived without doing it.

Then someone slapped me, and I flinched, startled. I didn't cry, because I never did, and it's not like it hurt much. Then I heard voices _clearly_ , without it sounding like I had a bubble around my brain for the first time in _forever_ , and I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. You wouldn't believe how hard I tried, but I just couldn't.

It was scary, but not too scary.

I opened my eyes and everything was a blur, but that was alright because all someone had to do was hand me my glasses and I'd be able to see. Still the voices talked, and then someone held me, carried me and plopped me on a bed.

The Walls weren't there anymore and for that I was grateful. I was tired, so I went to sleep.

You know that little instant just before you go to sleep, and you've got the tail end of a thought, a very important one, and you know you're going to forget it in the morning? Just before I really fell asleep, my nose picked up something, something that smelled a lot like when mum left the oven on and the apple pie was burned to a crisp, like the wood we burned outside when we went to the family home in the winter, like the chemistry practicals to make orange liquids.

Sulphur. Smoke. Ash.

I fell asleep before I could think anymore.

* * *

The next time I felt awake enough to do anything except whimper and groan because I was hungry…

Or feel utterly humiliated when someone held me and burped me and I vomited all the milk they gave me onto their clothes…

Or when I had to go to the bathroom but I couldn't move and I held it in for as long as possible but my bladder had decidedly other, less palatable plans and I had an 'accident'…

I began to actually wonder where on earth I was, why excessively tall people were bathing, clothing, feeding and burping me, what demented sort of situation I'd gotten myself into, and whether there were any murder charges pressed on the driver. I also wondered where on earth the walls were, why no one was handing me my glasses, why I was gurgling instead of asking questions, and why the smell of sulphur and ash still clung to me like a second skin.

I had a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

There was also a lot of hunger, and not always someone to feed me something. On occasion, I was fed when I wasn't hungry, and very often, I was transported from one soft blanket to another, and the people—there were _way_ too many to count—carrying me would usually snap something indistinct to the people around them.

I was sleepy so often that I didn't have much time to get bored.

Eventually, the smell of sulphur faded, although the ash still clung to the air and the people and me, and would stay with me until the day I died.

There were a lot of trees, and many a time I heard birds, and I sort of wondered whether I'd been abducted by forest nymphs, or the Erl-king. Senseless thoughts like these flitted across my brain for a very long time, but I can't tell you if it had always been like that, or if it only began after the Walls evicted me.

I'd never once thought I'd died, because there was never a time I couldn't remember, except for when I was asleep. It might seem silly, because even though I knew I was far too small, far too dependent and far too helpless than I'd ever been before in my life, I didn't so much rationalize it so much as just not think about it.

I wasn't in denial, I was just really sleepy. All the time.

* * *

I was in the same place now, I could tell. And by same place I mean I hadn't been moved to a different location for a while now, longer than ever before.

There were always strange coloured blobs coming in and taking care of me, and I appreciated it, I really did, because I'd always thought it would be brilliant if someone else could wash my hair for me and this was just an extension of that.

I think, with all that, it took a surprisingly long time for me to realize that I was a baby.

More importantly, a baby that apparently didn't have any parents because not once had I seen the same people take care of me.

Or, well, blobs.

But if I squinted, I could sort of make out some of their features, and while quite a few of them had black hair and eyes and pale skin, none of them were the same.

On occasion I saw the same faces and so I named them Pretty Face, Frowny and Absolutely Smashed.

I saw them a grand total of six times in the last few months, by which time I could roll over and establish some sort of sleep cycle that didn't mean sleeping all hours of the day. The blurs started to become clearer without squinting till I could see perfectly, and that hasn't happened since I was ten years old, so I freaked out.

Like, proper screaming and yelling, no crying as usual, and generally acting like a normal baby.

Pretty Face and Absolutely Smashed came rushing into my nursery and began panicking, but by then I'd already calmed down.

Not a lot scared me because my personality was far too laidback to take much seriously, and I was used to not crying because of, not only the ideals I was raised with, but also because of the fact that I had two brothers who depended on me, and while you could argue that that was just me being strong for them, it had simply become a part of my personality.

But this clear vision actually made me start thinking, and then I actually tried to listen to what Absolutely Smashed was saying, but I couldn't understand a thing beyond 'aglarbaglurbagayufafa', which I was fairly certain wasn't a word.

For the first time since Green Warmth, I was scared.

I was not okay with being incapable of understanding and moving and smiling and eating solid food and talking and clothing myself.

So the consequent amount of effort I put into being able to crawl was far more monumental than anything I'd ever done. I managed it, but I couldn't remember how long it took me or whether it was normal, but judging by the deeper scowl on Frowny's face, I'm assuming it wasn't very normal.

Oh well. I'd never cared for other people's opinion of me enough to really be affected by this anyway.

Eventually, I began crawling, and then I went exploring like a good indoctrinated servant of Dora the Explorer, and it was hell on my knees until I began to use the warmth around me to lessen the pain.

In my forays, I found a mirror, but it was too high up and so, using my assumed cuteness, I beckoned one of the many many many interchangeable babysitters towards me and made them pick me up.

He had a nice smile and rough hands, but an extremely familiar face, and not one I'd seen since I'd become a baby. I pondered this as he lifted me easily and held me in front of the mirror. I looked and I instantly began cooing because I was _absolutely_ _adorable!_

I had wide black eyes and black hair like many of my babysitters and my past life as well. But unlike the me from before, I had completely pale skin, not even the sign of the slightest tanning, and the most pinch-able cheeks ever, with them all soft and round and chubby. I was a pudgy baby, but not horrendously so and I looked so serious it just made me look cuter.

I turned to my human slave and smiled, and I could and it was awesome because finally _finally_ I felt like myself. I was a smiler and a laugher. I always laughed and snickered and chuckled and guffawed, and smiling seemed like the first step. I tried laughing at his cooing face, but it just came out like very amused gurgling.

Still, progress is progress, right?

* * *

I've lately taken to pointing at things and tilting my head in a questioning manner to get Lackey #1 to slowly enunciate every syllable of what it was in whatever language these people spoke. On occasion, Pretty Face does the same, but Absolutely Smashed is usually too smashed to be able to help.

Frowny just grunts a lot and seems to despise existence, but he still sits next to my crib whenever he's around and I sort of find that really sweet. He clearly enjoys it when I babble to him, and I'm currently in the middle of recounting The Goblet Of Fire to him in English, but he obviously thinks I'm being an unintelligible baby so we both have fun.

Pretty Face has been around a lot more often than before and I really like her! Sure, she enjoys tickling me sadistically far too much, and she has a habit of feeding me the same mushed up food day in and day out (I like carrots, don't get me wrong, but _that_ much carrot? Even Bugs Bunny can't handle _that_ much!), and she tugs my hair when she's combing it, but other than that, she's _awesome!_

It's a pity she smells of sulphur and metal, because otherwise she would be my favourite babysitter.

As it stands, Slave (the one who lifted me to the mirror) is my favourite because he keeps giving me solid sweets. He ostensibly isn't supposed to, but when I was a baby the first time around and when my brothers were babies, mum used to feed us chocolate and cheese by the time our first few teeth showed up. Our teeth were perfectly fine and I like sweets, so I shall not complain.

Plus, I have _cravings_ like a pregnant Chi-Chi, and he sates them. Love doesn't even _begin_ to describe my feelings.

Also, as my brain often does, it wanders off topic and begins nit-picking details for later perusal while I blabbered on to him in adorable spastic panda impressions, as he laughed and cuddled me and tried to steal my chocolate.

I've always wanted an older brother…

Anyway, the sweets taste weird but not in a bad way, leading me to believe that I wasn't in any country I'd ever tasted the food of. That ruled out the majority of Africa, the Americas, the Middle East, South Asia and most of Western Europe. They were all mostly pale, so I could rule out nearly all of Africa and most of Australia.

About 65 different countries left to rule out. Joy.

When I wasn't trying to remember all the places on the map, I was trying to walk, (and succeeding, thank God) and by the time I got to my first birthday, I could mostly understand what people were saying and decided to leave the house.

Which was easier said than done because my multiple babysitters, that took care of me in twos and threes, seemed to always know when I was trying to escape, and while I loved Yellow Eyes #4 and Idiot #21, I kicked, pinched and screeched as hard as I could because **I wanted to go outside**.

Back in my old home, my dad had to force me to leave the house because I did nothing but sit inside and read (which is also coincidentally the reason I wore glasses). Here, I wanted to see the outside, look outside the window and smell fresh air, but the windows in this house were rarely opened and I wasn't allowed to go near them let alone gesture for them to lift me towards them.

I crossed my arms and pouted for nearly two hours before the babysitting guard changed and Slave showed up, bringing with him round doughy balls filled with sweet paste. The girl with him, now dubbed Purple Tattoos, started cooing at me and then said one word that made me want to hit my head on the wall repeatedly for being so _stupid_.

"Kawaii!"

Japan? I was in Japan?

AWESOME!

I'd always wanted to go to Japan and now, I was _in_ Japan! I started giggling madly and clapping like a retarded seal, but I'm sure it was adorable. Slave laughed with me and said something to the effect of "Well, isn't someone excited to see me!"

But he said Ore-sama, and I know that that's a really arrogant way of referring to oneself. Oh my God, life is going to be so much easier now that I have context to work with! I'd basically been obsessed with manga and anime since I was thirteen and, if you count Yu-Gi-Oh, then ever since I was four!

Slave picked me up and sat me down on his lap, tickling my sides and making me squeal in high-pitched giggles, laughing at my happiness.

Give me a few minutes—this is becoming home.

Nearly three months after I realised that I was in _Japan_ , I could understand everything people said around me, I'd reached the bit where Harry, Ron and Hermione escape Gringotts on the back of a dragon in the story I was telling Frowny, and Pretty Face was pregnant.

"Are you excited Akito-chan? You're going to be a big sister!" she said with a beatific, if nervous, smile.

What?

Wait, what?

Pretty Face is my _mother_?

Since when!?

I looked up at her in utter stupefication and Frowny closed my mouth.

"It is impolite to stare Akito-chan."

"Sorry," I responded reflexively.

"Don't apologise," he admonished.

"Sorry," I said, mind doing a valiant impression of a broken tape-recorder.

Wow. Just, wow.

So, my new mother was apparently excessively negligent, hadn't once bothered to call herself Okaa-san in my presence and is apparently going to have my little sibling, all before I knew who my father was?

I hope it isn't Absolutely Smashed.

He's, you know, absolutely smashed. Not a very good male role model.

And I'm still confused.

If she's my mother, why isn't she around more often? She can't be working such long hours that I don't see her for months on end! Although I suppose it must be a pretty high paying job considering the number of babysitters she must have hired over the last year and a half…

Either way, she doesn't seem the neglecting type so it must be pretty important, whatever she does.

"Your father and I wanted you to be the first to know, because you're going to have to take care of him, okay?" she said, running an awkward hand through my shoulder-length hair.

I'm actually really excited about this!

I love my brothers and Kami-sama do I miss them. You wouldn't believe the number of nights I've spent just staring at the ceiling and wondering how they're doing and what mum's cooking and what dad's yelling at my brothers for and whether they're okay without me. I could cry, and sometimes I did, but it isn't in me to be a depressed little muppet for too long, so I tend to ignore it and just…

Just never forget them.

And now, I get to have _more?_

"I will!" I squealed with the brightest grin on my face.

"That's my girl," Frowny said in his rumbly voice.

Pretty Face smiled at me happily, Frowny smirked proudly and suddenly, I wondered how I didn't notice they were married.

* * *

Pretty Face—okay, Okaa-san—got maternity leave I suppose, which is good considering she looks like she's swallowed a beach ball.

She took me grocery shopping with her, and I finally saw the outside.

It's like stepping into a picture-postcard happy place, complete with wires hanging from poles, maze-like zig-zaggy streets and houses, bustling market places, freshly-painted-this-morning and chipped-a-century-ago fences and walls, a million little pockets of trees and bushes, and an eclectic, harried, constantly-moving group of people with interweaving agendas and mingling lives.

Okaa-san seems to be pretty popular here, in this overwhelming community of _home_ , because several people stop and greet her on the street.

She asked me to introduce myself to one of them and I did so with as much enthusiasm as I put into everything, except getting things done on time.

"Good morning Oba-san, I'm Akito!" I beamed, bowing and nearly toppling over. Coordination isn't something toddlers seem to have…and if the words were garbled, no one needed to know.

That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

"My, what a happy child," she exclaimed, almost shocked into a stupor.

Is…is being happy not normal?

Okaa-san smiled mysteriously and talked a bit about vegetables before calling out a goodbye and moving along, weaving through the crowd like a veteran. I clumsily kept pace, bumping into nearly everyone like a new born foal.

I'd like to point out that I have absolutely no idea what my last name is; neither Frowny nor Pretty Face seem to think I need to be privy to such pertinent information. I guess I'll find out eventually, probably when they tell my little sibling, whenever he decides to show up.

We get to the market place and I'm hit with a mind shattering pang of homesickness because, Kami-sama, the last time I'd seen the market place was over three years ago! But I blinked and there was no sand, no desert sun blinding everyone, no little brother's hands held forcefully in my sweaty ones…

Instead there was green and so many people and children chasing each other around and…

And people jumping on the roofs. Like ninja.

I tugged on Okaa-san's kimono and pointed at the Roof-jumpers.

"How?" I asked curiously, bumping into someone I'm sure was called Kumishi Kaeri and apologising with wide-eyed sheepishness.

"Ah," she said, turning away from the fishes on Hibiki-san's stall to look at what I was talking about. "They're roof-hopping. They use chakra to push off the surface and then use that momentum to reach the next surface, cling to it using chakra and then repeat the process."

"Oh," I said dumbly.

She tutted at one of the fishes and picked up a parcel, paid for it, and moved on to the next stall. "Don't get lost Akito-chan."

"Okay!"

I traipsed after her and wondered at her inability to comprehend that little children aren't supposed to know what 'momentum' or 'process' means, let alone chakra, and the only reason I know any of that is purely guesswork and language patterns. But, well, she looks really young, which is another reason why I never even considered she could be my mother, so maybe she sees children as tiny adults?

A lot of people I knew used to do that, think that children understood as soon as you told them stuff, or that if you asked politely they'd listen because of course, every child understands what 'consequences' and 'illogical' means.

Idiots.

Regardless, I suppose I should be grateful I was obsessed with _Naruto_ or I'd never know—

What…chakra…means…

"Miko-chan!" a loud voice exclaimed. "You look like a whale!"

A beautiful red-haired woman appeared out of nowhere and nearly startled me (nearly, because I had two brothers who loved trying to scare me and I was immune to these kinds of things).

"Kushina-chan," Okaa-san smiled. "I thought you were still at the border?"

Kushina— _KUSHINA—_ waved away her words dismissively. "Nah, my platoon just got back. We won't be going out for a while."

"I see."

She—Uzumaki Kushina, third Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, my favourite female character and half of my OTP, _the_ Naruto's mother and all around kickass shinobi—finally spotted me and I tried to look a lot less shocked and awed of her because, damn, the anime did not do her justice.

The way her hair caressed the wind and gently rolled down like a waterfall to her waist, the grin on her face that lit up her blindingly violet eyes, and the way she held herself, so calm and bubbly and graceful and _right_ , the warmth surrounding her exuding calm and the laughter in the crinkles around her mouth…

Yep, I can totally see how Minato fell in love with her.

I am such a fangirl.

"And who's this then?" she asked, tilting her head curiously.

"Kushina-chan, I'd like you to meet my daughter. Akito-chan, allow me to introduce you to your godmother, Uzumaki Kushina."

"Yo!" Kushina-ba-chan practically hollered in my face. "She's so small Miko-chan! And she looks so cute too. She doesn't take after Fugu-face at all!"

"Please refrain from insulting my husband in public Kushina-chan," Okaa-san said with twinkling eyes.

She pouted and I was in actual proper shock.

No really, horrified shock.

I'd not only learned that Kushina was my godmother, but that my mother was her best friend _Mikoto_ and that means that I'm an _Uchiha_.

I was going to have a _baby_ _brother_.

An _Uchiha_ baby brother.

Uchiha _Mikoto's_ son.

"Oi, are you broken?" Kushina-ba-chan poked my cheek as I stood there, frozen in happy stupefication. So of course, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm in love," I said breathily.

And then I smiled, because when in doubt, pretend the problem doesn't exist.

This was so cool!

I am _so_ internally fangirling right now! She's there, and _she's_ there, and they're both there and I can't…can't even…

Quick, distract yourself!

"Okaa-san, th'bunny wars've begun," I intoned solemnly.

"…that's nice Akito-chan."

They looked at me weirdly.

My job here is done.

Kushina-ba-chan then laughed, and it was like the sun was shining brighter.

And no, I'm not biased. What are you looking at?

"I like you kid! I'll come visit sometime. After all, I _am_ your godmother!"

I nodded and grinned widely. "Bye-bye, Kushina-ba-chan!" I chirped, waving wildly and completely without dignity. Okaa-san had to clear her throat to remind me that there was a time and place to fangirl, and outside my room in broad daylight was neither the time nor the place.

We walked away, and Okaa-san began buying cooking supplies left right and centre. She bought enough to feed an army and then some, and then says it "should be enough for a couple of days."

Wow. Just, wow.

We went back home and I helped her put the stuff away.

Keep in mind I am a one and a half year old, so the amount of helping I could do was limited to moving the plastic bag so that Okaa-san had easier access to the stuff inside. She put all the stuff away and began peeling the carrots with a knife. She left the rest of the knives on the left side of the cutting board, where I was coincidentally seated.

Child safety, you're clearly not wanted here.

It's a good thing I'm mentally 19 years old or this would have been dangerous.

Okaa-san began humming a tune and I began humming it with her. I remember it from the time in the Walls, which I'm presuming was the womb. Now that I think about it, a lot of this makes sense.

We finished humming the song and she smiled at me before moving onto the potatoes. I'm assuming we're having beef stew tonight because she's left the meat in a sieve in the sink.

This seems like a good a time as any to play twenty questions.

"Okaa-san, where's I born?"

"On the battlefield." Another potato added to the peeled pile.

"And then you bring here?"

"No, the platoon that retreated brought you here." She picked up a knife and began chopping the spuds into even blocks.

"Oh. You fighting?"

"Yes." She took the meat out of the strainer.

"Was I on'y baby bring back?"

"No, a few others as well. Two of them are your cousins."

She continued chopping and the sound soon faded into the background as I sat down and thought.

Okaa-san wasn't like any mother from my old home, my old _world_.

She left knives around toddlers, she'd obviously been in battle while pregnant (I remember the hurt back in the womb and I wonder if I nearly died that day) and didn't even seem to mildly care that she'd practically abandoned me for the first year of my life.

I was strangely okay with this. I didn't want a replacement mother and Uchiha Mikoto was quite possibly the best person to call Okaa-san. She didn't feel like my mother, but she definitely felt like family.

I liked that.

Fugaku was like the really nice uncle that got you the most meaningful presents on your birthday because he knew you best, and alright, I suppose I should call him Otou-san.

I loved them both, and Purple Tattoos and Slave and Lackeys #1-15 and Idiots #1-21 and Yellow Eyes and Brown Eyes. They held me and bathed me, clothed me and changed me, endured my burping and pooping and babbling and whining, and for that I loved them.

But now to think about exactly when in the timeline I was.

There's no Itachi, unless I took his place, which would be absolutely _awful_ by the way, and considering Kushina-ba-chan said that she'd been on the frontlines, that would mean the Third Shinobi War was in full swing, doubly so, because unless pregnant women were encouraged to fight (counterintuitive if they needed children to keep the numbers high) then that means that, not only was it necessary for them to have every able-bodied shinobi fighting (meaning they desperately needed the numbers) but if one or more of them fell pregnant, they were to continue fighting because less fighters on the frontlines meant setbacks.

If that makes any sense.

At least, that's what I'm assuming but I don't generally tend to assume wrong.

So somewhere way before an end of the war is in sight, but not too far because Itachi is about to be born, and didn't the war end by the time he was three or four? Unless, that was when it began in earnest.

Why did Kishimoto have to be so vague!?

I was brought out of my musings (read: ranting) by the sound of water being poured into a pot. I watched as she marinated the beef and left it to the side and then marinated the vegetables too. It was like art, how even though by all rights she should have been a bit lopsided due to the weight of my baby brother, she was as graceful as a ballet dancer; no wasted movements, perfectly precise and effortlessly flawless.

It was like watching a cooking show on TV.

I miss TV. And the internet. Especially the internet. I miss my novels and my laptop and my friends and my school (no matter how bad the toilets were or how bad the standard of teaching was) and my family and my room.

Okaa-san put everything in the pot, separating all the different vegetables expertly and then, covering it with a lid, lifted me off the counter and took me outside into the yard where we usually hung our laundry.

Or at least, the babysitters did.

"Akito-chan," she began, leaving me very little time to savour the pleasantly crisp air. "I'm going to teach you how to be a shinobi. It's a very important duty for both our village and our clan. Do you accept?"

Wait, hold on, what?

I only just got used to the idea of being in a world where jumping nine feet in the air is normal and wall climbing is for newbies! You can't expect me to make a decision this big so easily! And I'm one and a half! Honestly, I'll just tell her that I'll think about it, keep my options open…

"Okay!"

Traitorous mouth!

And now that I've made my decision, let's focus on all the reasons why 'yes' was a better answer than 'no'.

I'm a girl. I'm the eldest. There's going to be a massacre. I don't want to be helpless. I want respect. I want that headband. I like the idea of breathing fire. I want to do those crazy acrobatics.

But then there's the whole problem with being a shinobi: I actually have to work for it. There will always be someone stronger than me. I'll have to kill. I might go insane.

Oh well. Too late to back out now. And hey, I've always performed better under pressure anyway. What's more like a pressure cooker than being a shinobi?

"Good," she said with a nod, face minutely relaxing. "I expected as much. We'll begin with some simple stretches and then I'll teach you to dance."

"Um…" I started, ready to remind her that I'm only a toddler and therefore won't have _any_ coordination.

"Is there a problem?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, and I decided that, you know what? Sometimes, there's no way to argue with people.

I graciously accepted defeat. Craziness wins once more. "None. Let's do this!"

Dancing is useful for a lot of things like balance, flexibility, speed and espionage (in the obviously likely event I have to perform the flamenco for a massive audience). I had to keep reminding myself this as my limbs became more rebellious than Russia in 1917.

We stretched and she danced, she corrected me and I stumbled multiple times, what with being one and a half and all that. My arms and legs were pudgy and stubby, toddlers aren't _supposed_ to have coordination and not to mention, while I wasn't a clumsy graceless leprechaun in my old world, I was never flexible or fast.

She sighed at my inability to compete with her intrinsic grace, so I shall now contemplate seppuku. Or, you know, try again later when the warmth around me isn't working overtime to fix all the pulled muscles, or at least, the ones I can feel. There's bound to be some that I'll miss.

Now that I think about it, I've been doing that ever since I could crawl, using this warmth inside to heal myself. I suppose this would be chakra right? So redirecting it works as a kind of cushion or a really fast acting salve I suppose.

Bears further reading. And by further reading, I mean being able to read at all.

As if reading my mind, Okaa-san lifted me up and carried me inside the house. She set me down on the sitting mat and went off, fetching a mini-blackboard sort of thing and a box of chalk.

"What're you doing?" I asked curiously. Instead of answering like any normal person, she neatly drew what I'm assuming is hiragana because it looked familiar and pronounced the letter. Then she made me draw it out too.

The squiggles and giggles that ensued were both an exercise in humiliation (curse you stubby fingers!) and a fun mother-daughter bonding session.

The stew was ready by the time we finished the 'vowel' row (and by finished, I mean we both gave up) and she cleared away the chalk powder and the mini-blackboard, brought the pot to the table, brought bowls and chopsticks and then proceeded to teach me how to use them.

My fingers ached by this point and no amount of chakra-rechannelling could get rid of all of the pain. Okaa-san then stuffed a napkin in my frock collar and fed me the soft vegetables and then helped me drink the soup.

Twas yummy.

Insert satisfied smirk here.

* * *

For the next few weeks or so, Okaa-san taught me an entire dance sequence and, while I knew the steps, I could barely stumble through them.

She took me grocery shopping twice every week, because we actually did eat a _lot_ , not that I'm complaining. I mean, she must know what she's doing right? She's a kunoichi. That implies a certain level of knowledge for how much we're supposed to eat.

I can only assume it has something to do with our chakra, and how it must metabolise food faster. As I understood it, chakra was energy, so fuel right?

At least, that's how I've rationalised it, and I can't really ask because no one I know eats any less, so maybe everyone in this world eats a lot?

I cannot wait until I can read!

I think we've gotten through the 46 hiragana characters, although I keep mixing up the ne and the mi, and the entire ga and ja row are such a hassle to remember. And I still can't really draw any of them, what with still being a toddler and all. Oh well, practice makes perfect right? Right?

We've gone over some kanji as well, and I can write my full name and introduce myself, although the legibility of it is most definitely in question, because while _I_ know what I'm writing, not everyone does. Case in point, Okaa-san keeps hitting me with her decorative fan.

"I didn't ask you to reproduce chicken scratch, Akito-chan," she chastised mildly, not really expecting more out of me, but teaching me anyway because, presumably, she has no idea what else to do.

"Sorry," I said.

"An Uchiha doesn't apologise."

"Sorry."

It's getting warmer now, and the last time the weather was mild and cosy, I'd just begun crawling. Progress!

I can run without falling flat on my face 90% of the time now, and I never thought I'd be excited by this. I hated running before, but now I can't get enough of it. I still fall down a lot, but sacrifices must needs be made.

When we go to the market place I run around like a mad puppy, tripping all over the place, bumping into around a dozen people and apologizing loudly. I love every minute of it!

It was on one such running-bumping-'sorry!' spree that I bumped into the most awesome character in the entire series, and no, I am absolutely not biased. What are you looking at?

Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage, fastest shinobi alive (at least up until _everyone_ was about as powerful as Hashirama by the tail-end of the series, and I never really paid attention after Naruto showed up to save the day in the Fourth War) and the best Hokage _ever_.

That isn't bias. You know it's true: Hashirama had a gambling problem, Tobirama was discrimination personified, Hiruzen was a closet pervert (as Naruto so aptly put it) and Tsunade was a drunk gambler.

But anyway, it doesn't matter because the minute I saw him I hugged him. Yes, completely irrational, but he's my favourite character of all time. I'm allowed to fangirl just a little bit right?

Taking it in stride like the awesome human being he is, he smiled and said, "And who do we have here?"

"Uchiha Akito, Awesome-sama!" I replied promptly, eyes sparkling and grin threatening to split my face in two.

He looked bemused but still so nice and warm and _like sunshine—"_ Kushina-chan told you about me I'm assuming."

"Nope!"

"…Then why are you hugging me?" he asked, now really confused and just a tad bit worried about my stranger-danger senses.

"'Cause you're awesome," I informed him, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it so _totally_ is.

"I see."

He chuckled a bit and then detached me from him. I looked at him and smiled excessively happily and he smiled back.

"Well Akito-chan, I'm Namikaze Minato and it is a pleasure to meet you." He gave me a little bow and I bowed back, far deeper than his.

"Me too, Awesome-sama!"

"What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked, concerned but not overly concerned.

"Okaa-san's buyin' fish't Hibiki-san's stall. I'm bein' a child and 'scaping while I still have the chance. D'you like fish?"

"Uh, yes I do. Your vocabulary is really good for a two year old."

"Thank you, Awesome-sama!"

"Just Minato-san is fine."

"How d'you know Kushina-ba-chan?" I asked, head tilting. Best not raise any undue suspicions.

He turned a very fetching shade of pink as he squeaked, "Ah, that's…we're, a, friend—ly acquaintances…?"

I nodded sagely."So you're in love!"

I take it back. Red suits him better. "What!? I, that's…maybe?" Much spluttering ensued.

"Ooh, can I come to the wedding?" I asked excitedly. Better secure my invitation now; these kinds of events sell out pretty fast, after all. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Shh. "You make such a cute couple and—"

"W-where did you get the idea for marriage from?"

Think fast, you can't—

"Oi Minato! Are you hitting on my cute goddaughter?"

We both turn around at that loud voice and come face to face with the other half of the cutest couple in existence.

I am definitely not biased. Obviously.

He started fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves as he stuttered, "K-Kushina-chan! No, I wasn't, we were just talking…"

"About?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at his twitching form suspiciously.

"How I'm too young to thinkin' about marriage 'cause I'm not ment'ly prepared for all th'problems 't would...cat'lyse." I nodded, trying to make my words seem more credible than my squeaky voice would allow.

Kushina-ba-chan and Minato-sama just…kind of froze for a second.

"…Yes, that. We were definitely talking about that. I'm glad you've taken it to heart Akito-chan," Minato-sama recovered, pretending rather obviously that what I'd said hadn't caught him completely by surprise.

"Well, you said it Minato-sama, and everythin' you say is true!" I cheered, smiling even brighter as Kushina-ba-chan glared at him and yelled, "What lies have you been feeding here you idiot?!"

Minato-sama protested weakly and she hit him over the head.

Ah, young love!

…I feel like a matchmaking grandma.

Oh well.

As I watched Minato-sama become redder and redder with each passing second in Kushina-ba-chan's presence, and her hair get wilder and wilder until they were standing on end (I wish I could do that with my hair! It looks so cool!), Okaa-san decided to intervene.

I know for a fact Okaa-san doesn't worry about where I wander off to because she always knows exactly where I am.

It may not be because she's a sensor, though I don't know whether she is for sure, or because she has the sharingan, which I haven't seen her use but two of my aunts were discussing something and it came up so I know she has it, or just good old fashioned mother's intuition.

Or, of course, the fact that all the vendors might as well have eyes at the back of their heads.

Point is, I never worried that I'd get lost because, barring the fact that I was eighteen before my tragically ridiculous end and thus actually knew how to find my way back home, Okaa-san always came to find me.

"Having another lovers' spat are we?" she said with sarcastic playfulness.

"Miko-chan!" Kushina-ba-chan exclaimed indignantly, her face trying valiantly to match her hair, "I was defending your daughter from this idiot's brainwashing and I don't even get a thank you?"

Okaa-san quirked an eyebrow and said casually, "Is that what you were doing? It looks more like you just wanted a one-on-one with Minato-kun, if you know what I mean."

They both spluttered.

Have I mentioned how awesome Okaa-san is? You wouldn't think she had a sense of humour, what with her being an Uchiha and everything, but then she comes up with things like this and I have my faith in the clan restored.

Kushina-ba-chan finally managed a, "That's not how it is at all!"

"So, this isn't a result of repressed sexual frustration?" she asked innocently.

"Miko-chan!" Kushina-ba-chan looked scandalised. Minato-sama may or may not have been going into cardiac arrest.

This lovely conversation ended with Okaa-san somehow getting both of them to come to our house for dinner and with Minato-sama to carry the groceries. Kushina-ba-chan let me ride on her shoulders, and it was epic.

We entered the Uchiha compound, which isn't so much a compound as it is a lot of houses with connecting back gardens and shared yards. The houses are just as haphazardly built as all the rest of Konoha, but generally, the front lawns are neater and the porches are usually swept. You could say that the clan has a shared OCD for keeping everything ordered and neat, but that doesn't mean they're organized. Structured chaos best describes the Uchiha compound, and the Uchiha that dwell within it reflect this.

We're a fiery bunch neck deep in traditions and obsessed with our passions. You could call us pyromaniacal nerds with dignity. I look at this clan, those cousins or nephews of mine that are throwing mud balls at each other, those nieces or cousins that are gossiping around the curb about the latest hotshot at the Academy, the uncles and aunts having a lovers' tiff or a nice walk to celebrate another year of bearing each other's' idiosyncrasies, the grandmas lolling on the porch and moaning about the heat, and I wonder how things could go so horribly wrong that a 13 year old had to kill them all.

And then I shrug it off because it hasn't happened yet, but I put a sticky note about it on my 'Things to Plot About' board at the back of my mind.

I tried keeping up with what these three delightful humans with me were talking about, but it was fairly obvious that I'm not going to get anywhere—inside jokes are hard to understand when you're not a part of them. So I tuned out and began waving enthusiastically at all the cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, grandmas and grandpas I came across.

They invariably replied with, if not equal fervour, then at least comparable spirit.

Okaa-san is the clan head's wife so she has a duty to have what I call Meet-and-Greet sessions with most if not all the families that Otou-san is representing. I like to tag along on these forays into my extended family's domain, and I absolutely adore being young again because I can talk like a kid, babble if I must, and I actually have the energy to play with two to seven year olds, something I'd lacked as a teenager no matter how much I enjoyed it.

I love children. My main goal in life was to get a stable well-paying job, get married and have three children. In the meantime, any and all children that I could play with, I did.

I preferred spending time with children to people my age (I mean when I was 18, not now obviously) so maybe that's why being a kid came so easily to me. I'll bet most people would find this entire thing a bit jarring, but really, I'd spent the majority of my first year sleeping and eating.

By the time I actually realised I was in a world filled with shinobi and bad parenting, I was already used to it. I mourned yes, but I am very good at compartmentalising.

Not to say that one day I might not burst, but I've generally found that screaming loudly in my pillow tends to take the edge off the pain.

Therapists? Who needs them when I've got a fluffy blanket and Sweets à la Slave?

When we reached the house, Minato-sama and Okaa-san put away the groceries as Kushina-ba-chan sets the table. Being as useful as PTS-Sakura, I do absolutely nothing but stand there and applaud her hard work. Loudly.

"Go Kushina-ba-chan! You show those cups who's boss!" I hollered, clapping like a retarded seal.

"Pipe down shrimp! You make it sound like I'm having a spar with'em," she yelled back, embarrassed.

"You'd win," I said, with complete faith in her. "The cups've got nothin' on you!"

"…What exactly are you smoking?"

I giggled infectiously and then tried for a serious monotone. "Don't worry, the crazy's not contagi's. At least, we _think_ so."

I twitched and she held her breath, and then we both burst into uncontrollable laughter for no reason at all.

The best kind of laughter, in my opinion.

Okaa-san had apparently shooed Minato-sama out of the kitchen and he joined us in our insanity.

It was awesome!

We went from talking about the merits of twin braids as opposed to four, the significance of logic versus the awesome powers of anmitsu and, of course, the inevitable 'Ramen is actually Kami-sama' debate that, judging by Minato-sama's long suffering sigh, is a long exhausted and frequently brought up argument.

I loved every minute of it. Slowly, the 2D characters became real people, and I pinched myself because this seemed like a really outlandish dream all of a sudden.

Before I could do any more damage to myself, Okaa-san called both of them to help her carry the serving dishes, and then we all sat down to the most amazing smelling meal I've ever sat down to.

Okaa-san excused herself in the middle of eating, presumably to go to the bathroom (something she's been doing a lot more frequently lately. Looks like baby Itachi is pushing down on her bladder.) The meal was light, fluffy and fun.

They should come to eat with us more often.

They said their goodbyes, with a lot of blushing on Minato-sama's part, denial on Kushina-ba-chan's side and evil smirks of mirth from Okaa-san. With a last hair ruffle from the tall blond man and a hug from Kushina-ba-chan, they left.

Okaa-san cleaned up tiredly.

"I think we'll skip today's physical training Akito-chan." She cracked her neck as she put away the last plate. "Your little sibling is making me very tired."

"Okay, Okaa-san," I smiled, toddling away to get the mini-blackboard and the box of chalk as she sat herself down.

As I wrote down the hiragana she called out laconically, I asked, "Okaa-san decided on name for baby?"

"Hmmm?" she blinked. "If it's a boy, shujin-sama gets to decide. If it's a girl, I do."

"Did you name me?"

"No, he did." She tapped my head with her decorative fan. "Your lines are getting sloppier than usual. Concentrate."

A lull in the conversation and then, when I finally wrote the kanji for 'geki' to her satisfaction, I asked, "If you name the girls, why'd Otou-san name me?"

"It isn't about gender." She stretched a bit, adjusting her position. "Eldest boy and girl he gets to name. I can name the spares."

I tripped over one of the lines at the sexist nature of this revelation, but Okaa-san tapped me with her decorative fan again.

"That's not fair," I said, frowning sadly.

Her eyes grew sad and she smiled at me tiredly, sighing, "Life rarely ever is."

Okaa-san is 18 years old.

Her eyes are ancient.

I worry about her.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uchiha Mikoto had just finished putting away the laundry when she noticed a kunai wedged in the sliding door frame. Ostensibly, as she had a toddling baby in the house, she should put it away.

On the other hand, it _is_ an Uchiha baby, so it would be fine.

She walked away, wondering what she'd make for dinner. There was some left over soba noodles from last week, but then there was also some tempura in the cooler. Decisions, decisions.

While she stood in the kitchen contemplating this vastly difficult conundrum, she came upon an epiphany.

She was a housewife! Her husband wasn't here! She didn't _need_ to do anything!

Smiling gleefully, she promptly sat down and proceeded to do absolutely nothing. For three hours.

Getting up, the Uchiha matriarch just couldn't take it anymore. She wasn't used to sitting around and doing nothing!

Her daughter screeched and came running into the dining room, panting and telling her that there was a kunai lodged in her foot and could Okaa-san please take it out?

Uchiha Mikoto smiled. And then told the girl to go do it herself after determining that it wasn't _too_ deep.

She was an Uchiha. She could handle it.

Grumbling, the girl left to go find the first aid kit.

Uchiha Mikoto got up to cook dinner.

After all, her daughter could do a lot of things, being an Uchiha and all, but cooking? Please, grown shinobi couldn't handle that.

And besides, Aki-chan had the most adorable face when she ate, like as if every meal her Okaa-san made was the best she'd ever had. Compliments, Mikoto's mother had always said, were to be taken where one could get them.

* * *

 _A/N: My second attempt at an OC, but first at SI. I hope you enjoy! Please tell me whether she's a Mary Sue okay? Shujin-sama is a title for husband. I know that her father's name is Fugaku._ _J_

 ** _Edited on 16.01.2017_**


	2. Toddler Trials

**_'Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.' - Winnie the Pooh_**

* * *

Okaa-san had to have a check-up at the hospital today and she decided to take me with her.

This isn't the first time she's had one, but this is the first time she's taken me with her; usually she just leaves me with Slave, who I've recently found out, through the powers of deductive reasoning and shameless false advertising, is related to me. And when he's not available, one of our numerous relatives.

It helps that I have good face-name recognition because there are _a lot_ of them and heaven forbid a two year old forgets the uncle seven times removed that she's only ever met once in a large setting of people.

Yes, pride is a very conceivable downfall here. Wounded prides are _not_ something I want to have to deal with.

Anyway, this is the first time, so I'm excited!

I practically grew up around hospitals in my old life, not because I or anyone close to me was chronically sick, but because mum and dad were both doctors. Nurses used to babysit me when I was a baby the first time around and the maternity ward used to be my favourite place to go.

It was a bit like going home.

The Konoha Byōin was a large white building with burnt orange balconies, the kanji for healing, 'ishi', decorating the top entrance. The roof was a cerulean blue, as was the road leading to it. It was strangely self-conscious, in that it stood stark white against a volley of bright colours and noises.

There were scores of people to bump into as Okaa-san expertly weaved through the throng, and I was so focused on not touching any potentially infectious people that I walked straight into projectile blood, coughed out of a dying young man of twenty.

"Kaso-kun!" a pretty young girl wailed, her arm bent at an odd angle as she clutched at his shudder-wracked body, grey eyes wide with helpless anger.

"Someone," a murmuring voice called somewhere to my left, "someone, please, I…my wife's alone…she's…"

"MIRAI!"

Hacking coughs and crying children, blood splattering my clothes and vomit covering the sun-dappled grass, scabs and metal-wedged torsos, rashes and skin lesions erupting as I stood and watched…

And that was just the outside.

As we went into the front lobby, it became pretty clear that they were severely understaffed.

Several patients haven't been checked in, many of them are being treated _at the front entrance_ —do they not have to worry about hygiene, sanitation and the risk of passing on infections? I doubt chakra is that much of a hack. But then, no one in the series had an infectious disease that I can recall…but then, a very limited sample of people was on display in the manga and I doubt it would've been dealt with on screen anyway.

The look of utter sleep deprivation on several nurses and doctors alike (though I suppose they're called medics here aren't they?) and the basic unorganised chaos seemed to be wonderful indications that there was, in fact, a war going on and many of the medics are probably out there, and many of the sick and dying are also over _here_.

The rest of Konoha, barring the assumed lack of high level shinobi (in my two years, the war has been going on so I can't really tell whether it's always like this or not. I mean, how much do the shinobi and civilians interact anyway? I know that D-ranks are supposed to have the added bonus of making the civilians feel comfortable with the little kid soldiers they help fund the training for, but beyond that, shopping for groceries seems to be the only other way) seems to be pretty normal, in a state of calm and assured safety. Sure, there seems to be some sort of hidden tension, but I rarely ever feel overwhelmed by it.

Maybe there is something to be said about blissful ignorance.

So is that why Okaa-san brought me here? To see the twelve year old with half his face burned off and the kunoichi in her mid-twenties coughing up purple clots of congealed blood? The horrific forced and unprofessional amputations, the severed arteries just merrily spraying blood like a fountain while the medic tries to staunch it unsuccessfully, the moaning and sobbing from the younger and less trained in the art of stoic apathy, the stretchers being rushed in and out of the _front reception_ as beds are presumably freed as quickly as they're filled?

If she brought me here to see the brutality, then I don't know whether she wanted me to see what the messy results of being a shinobi entailed, or if this was another brilliant example of bad parenting.

I think I'm going to go with the latter. She didn't even glance at the wounded, simply pushing through the throng to the left corridor. I quickly ran to catch up with her.

I guess it makes a difference that I worked at a hospice before my tragically ridiculous end, and that the hospital was like a second home; I barely flinch at the sight of gruesome wounds and butchered body parts. I wonder how my new parents will take this apathy…

Okaa-san probably won't notice it's abnormal for a two year old. She's hopeless like that.

No wonder both Uchiha brothers grew up to be so emotionally stunted. I guess this also explains why Sasuke was so attached to Itachi in the first place; he was probably the only one who truly treated him like he was a kid.

Otou-san though, I guess I haven't spent enough time with him to really be able to make a judgement call. Oh well, I probably only have to wait a couple more years till he's around more often anyway.

"Don't fall behind, Akito-chan," Okaa-san called, presumably realising that I'd slowed down as I peered curiously into one of the rooms, seeing a woman in her thirties slumped tiredly on her bed.

"Coming!" I replied, instead going into the room and sitting next to the old woman.

She looked at me, some of the blankness in her eyes fading as I smiled brightly at her. "Good afternoon, obaa-san! How're you doin' today?"

Dratted lisp! Must fix!

She didn't seem to know what to make of me, but that's alright—not many people do.

"I'm dying," she said slowly, both as if to confirm for herself the truth of her words, and because she thought I was crazy.

"Everyone's dying," I replied, nodding sagely. "But you're alive now, ne?"

The woman looked at me wearily, sighing. "I wish I'd died out there. This waiting game isn't my style."

My smile saddened, but I still kept it up.

Isn't it strange that, even though this world and my world are nothing alike, the dying are still fed up with being alive?

I guess it isn't so strange, but to have death, something that I figured would be the one thing that was _different_ , if nothing else, be the same, it just makes you realise all over again that we're all human, chakra or not.

It made living here more bearable, that much I can tell you.

"Hang in there," I said, holding her weathered hand. It was a mark of how done she was, how spent she was, that she didn't even flinch as I invaded her personal space. "Whatever happens, happens."

I don't know who I was comforting when I said that, her or me. I guess I wanted to believe that living _matters_.

She grumbled, but didn't pull her hand away from mine.

I'd later find out that she died alone.

I hope I don't die alone.

(I hope I don't stop believing that living _matters_.)

After Okaa-san collected me from my detour with an exasperated fond tilt of her head, realised that I was splattered with someone's coughed up blood and proceeded to wash me up in the hospital toilets, and we were fifteen minutes late for the appointment, we speed-walked down the correct corridor.

There were several unlabelled doors, many of them closed firmly and very few slightly ajar. There was an overwhelming scent of antiseptic and lemons (the cleaning products used probably have a lemon scent) but even more overpowering was the Green Warmth humming everywhere.

I'd always thought chakra, if I could feel it, would be either itchy or unyielding; uncomfortable because I was used to not having it and something unknown, therefore scary. But if I think about it logically, it makes sense that I barely noticed it at all and unconsciously began using it. The chakra coils develop right from when the baby is still in the womb, which is the earliest I remember feeling the warmth. It's everywhere, all over the place, including inside me. It's warm and it's mine.

Why wouldn't I find comfort in its presence?

The Green Chakra though, it's special. It was the first tangible comfort I'd ever had here. It had gotten rid of the hurt and it had helped me escape the Walls, so to feel it thrumming everywhere was brilliant.

Also, I guess the antiseptic smell reminds me of Home. It was I think then that I decided I was going to become a medic-nin.

Okaa-san pushed through the gynaecologist reception area and was being led by a blue-clothed medic to a room with a plaque reading 'Hagane Mitabi'. That last name seems somewhat familiar…isn't that one of the gate guards or something?

"Uchiha-sama," he greeted with a bow. "We've been a bit bogged down, but please, come in and we'll get your check-up done."

He had dark green hair and light purple narrowed eyes, pale skin and a very firm mouth. Strict, professional and with the common resting bitch face that seems to transcend worlds in the healthcare profession.

I smiled at him and he twitched his lips upwards a bit, and his whole face value improved.

"Thank you for your time Hagane-sensei," Okaa-san said cordially, deigning not to acknowledge that we were late. "I hope you don't mind my daughter's presence. She has been very anxious about the baby and I thought she could benefit from this experience."

"Not at all Uchiha-sama," he replied, taking a cursory glance at me and dismissing me as a non-threat.

Okay, so _maybe_ I'd been asking far more questions than was strictly appropriate about her nutritional intake and how it would affect baby Itachi, and so _maybe_ I was being extremely invasive when asking about how often she'd be around for the baby, whether she'd simply hire another string of babysitters, if she'd thought about how that would negatively impact my little brother, about baby-proofing the house, how exactly one went about taking care of a baby, the nutritional intake of the baby for its formative years and…

So I was concerned. Big deal!

But I can see why she brought me here after I spent a kanji session arguing about the pros and cons of boy vs girl in terms of the baby's gender.

Hagane-sensei rubbed lubricating gel on Okaa-san's uncovered bump and then used a device that should have been a sonogram but was decidedly not. It emitted different frequencies, not of sound but of chakra. There was no monitor on which the baby was displayed, free for the mother to watch it and wonder what on earth she'd gotten herself into. Instead, the expecting parent had to wholly and solely _trust_ the medic to tell the truth, trust them to not irreparably damage the baby, and trust them to not hurt them.

I'd always thought shinobi were untrusting trained assassins, so either they actually aren't and that's just a misconception I had, or medics are a _lot_ more trusted than I thought.

I'd always wondered why it was so easy for Tsunade to reintegrate herself into the village easily enough to become Hokage after abandoning the village for more than a decade, and I figured there would've been a lot of off-screen politicking, bribery, blackmail and old-fashioned threats of castration involved. But maybe another facet was that she was a _medic_.

"Well Uchiha-sama, it seems everything is in order," he said with a perfunctory smile that looked so _unnatural_ on his face. "The baby is progressing nicely and there don't seem to be any obvious complications. All in all, a much smoother pregnancy than last time."

"Thank you Hagane-sensei," Okaa-san nodded politely, gathering her things and standing up. "Let's go Akito-chan."

I got off the stool I'd been given, but while leaving I saw Hagane-sensei giving me a contemplating look. So I rose to the occasion.

"Did the device you used have any side-effects? Chakra can be used to both kill and heal, and probing a defenceless baby before it's even completely formed has to be unsafe. How much chakra is considered a safe amount to use? Also, if you had to use different frequencies—"

But he looked a bit insulted that I was questioning his credibility. Time to backtrack.

"—then you must know what you're doing. I was just wondering how you did it. It looks really difficult," I said with a disarming smile.

His face lightened a bit, not too much obviously, but enough that I didn't feel like I was insulting his very fabric of existence.

"The device isn't known to have any side-effects that have become apparent since its use. It _does_ take a very precise amount of chakra, and it isn't different frequencies we use. Frequencies only apply to light and sound, not chakra. If you want, I could recommend a few books that discuss it."

"That'd be awesome, thank you!" I grinned cheerfully.

Okaa-san kept silent through the conversation that ensued about the exact nature of chakra ('I think this book would explain it better than I could.') and the list of book recommendations he seemed to think a nearly-two year old would somehow miraculously retain—seriously, are kids just insanely smart in this world or do they _really_ not know the intelligence levels of toddlers?

It's lucky I'm nearly twenty, because otherwise I don't know how I'd deal with this insanity.

We departed with a thank you and a bow each. Okaa-san simply glided away and I stumbled and ran to keep up. On the way out, I met Purple Tattoos.

"Akito-chan!" she called out in surprise. "What are you doing at the hospital?"

"Good morning Oku-san!" I said with a bow that nearly toppled me over. "Okaa-san had to go to the hospital for a check-up and I got to come along and play bodyguard."

She giggled. Oku-san is what I call her because I don't know what her name is (although she looks _very_ familiar) and it's a title for another person's wife. It sort of stuck because I not only needed to call them something, but Slave and Purple Tattoos argue like a married couple.

They blushed a lot in the beginning, but I think they secretly like it.

"How's Danna-san?" I asked, having not seen Slave in over a week now.

"Doing as well as can be expected," she said, with a fond look of long-suffering. "We're preparing for our genin exams so I'm trying to get a few extra hours in at the hospital."

"Wait, you're not genin yet?" I asked in surprise.

She giggled good-naturedly at my confusion, but I think it was a legitimate concern. I thought babysitting was for genin. Doesn't it class as a D-rank? But they'd been babysitting me ever since I was one. Although I suppose that explains why I didn't figure out this was Konoha sooner—they, none of them, wore hitai-ate.

I said as much.

She hummed in thought, tapping her cheek in contemplation. "I guess it was like that during peace time, but ever since the war started picking up, the genin have to go into intensive training straight after promotion, so we academy students do the D-rank missions. They're good experience and they're relatively safe as well."

That makes a lot of sense.

Never would've thought of it myself, but still, logical.

"Awesome!" I said with a thumbs up, grinning. "I hope you lots of fun cutting up nearly dead people and rearranging their insides!"

"…I'd forgotten you had a demented sense of humour," she sweatdropped.

"I learned from the best!"

She smiled, bid me a good day, I hugged her and I went my merry way.

Okaa-san, of course, hadn't bothered to slow down for me.

I would have abandonment issues if I wasn't so well adjusted.

* * *

When we got home, a masked man—ANBU, and now that I think about it, what _is_ the full form?—was waiting outside. Okaa-san stood to attention, gestured for me to go inside, and began fiddling her fingers in intricate patterns.

I walked into the house and, not two minutes later, Okaa-san swept in. She didn't even glance at me, just waltzed upstairs and began banging around. The masked man, when I checked, had vanished. She eventually came downstairs, in full battle gear (six months pregnant and heavily showing), lugging a backpack with graceful haste.

"Where are you going Okaa-san?" I asked, in a voice that was more nonchalant than I expected.

She started, as if she'd forgotten I was even there. Terrible parenting.

"They need a genjutsu expert out there," she explained without really giving me any context. "I've been called out."

I scrunched my eyebrows in worry but tried not to let it show in my voice. "Don't take unnecessary risks. I want my baby brother fully intact."

Her lips twitched in amusement.

"Will do," she said, with a playful bow. "By your leave, Akito-chama?"

I waved her off regally, and held a standoffish expression long enough that she smiled. Then I hugged her tightly.

"Good luck!" I said with a cheerful grin, wondering why it was so easy not to worry. I guess there might be something wrong with my empathy settings.

She chuckled, detached me, and swept a hand through my hair before leaving. I watched her back steadily until she disappeared into the crowd.

I didn't ask how long she'd be gone for.

I don't think I could have taken it.

* * *

The concept of war never really touched me. Injuries, fatal or otherwise, never really registered as actual danger that could reach me. Even when Slave and Purple Tattoos babysat me for the last time before they graduated, it didn't really register that they were going to go out there and fight, kill and bleed.

On a more uplifting note, when the babysitting guard shifted and I waved goodbye to Uchiha Jiro and Utatane Haruki, Slave and Purple Tattoos came in walking closer together than was strictly necessary.

"Hoho!" I cackled dramatically. "Oku-san and Danna-san have finally succumbed to the love in the air?" I mwahaha-ed. "The Lovinator 3000 is working perfectly!"

Instead of stuttering, blushing and vehemently denying any such aspersions on their innocence, they blushed, smiled, and Slave nodded happily.

I squealed really really loudly because they were so _adorable_! "Really?! Since when? Tell me everything!"

"Ah well," Slave self-consciously scratched the back of his neck. "We both started talking, and well, we thought that ummm, we should, you know, give it a try and—"

Purple Tattoos gently swatted the back of Slave's head and turned to me.

"Actually Akito-chan," she said with an embarrassed smile. "It was all because of you. You embarrassed us enough with your nicknames that Obito-kun found it a lot less embarrassing to ask me out than to deal with telling everyone that there wasn't any relationship like that between us."

"Yeah!" he nodded rapidly. "Well, I also really like Rin-chan, and it wasn't until she said she didn't mind being Oku-san if I was her Danna-san that I got the guts to ask her to be my, my girl…friend."

He blushed and she smiled at him with a lot of affection. It was cute, and I would have been making a really teasing comment, except my mind was currently trying to get over the shock of 'Oh Kami-sama this is _Uchiha Obitobi_ – crazy MinaKushi murdering, Eyes in the moon and genjutsu-ing Kages and murdering _Gaara_ and—and that's _Nohara Rin_ —the reason he goes utterly bonkers in the first place!'

"Akito-chan, are you okay?"

"Do you think we broke her?"

But he's still the closest thing I have to a big brother I've always wanted but never had, and she's like the sister I never asked for.

I snapped out of it.

Wait, were Obito and Rin together before Kannabi Bridge? I don't think so. Wasn't one of his main regrets not confessing his love to her? And I distinctly remember Rin being a very mild Kakashi fangirl.

But if they aren't genin yet, they must not have met Kakashi yet. And so no complications. They got over the love triangle before it was even formed.

Wow. Just, wow.

"Congratulations!" I grinned, shoving the questions back for later perusal. "This is so super special awesome!"

And then, a bit more seriously.

"Never let anyone get in between you two. And don't ever argue and then not apologise. Okay?"

Because of my solemnness, they replied seriously as well.

"Don't worry Akito-chan," Rin-chan said.

"We will," Obito-kun said with a thumbs-up and a cheesy grin.

I nodded. Then I hugged them both, because Obito wasn't Tobi and Rin wasn't Flambé à la Chidori. They were in love, there weren't any regrets, and maybe that would make everything a lot simpler.

Or everything excessively more complicated.

I hope I haven't destroyed the entire space-continuum already. I was just getting used to the insanely bad parenting and the quite-disconcerting number of extended relatives.

I mean, I've learned nearly the entire family tree, how convolutedly we're all somewhat related, and all before I can read properly. I deserve a Nobel Prize for dealing with prissy nerds with attitude adjustment issues on a regular basis, and a spontaneously combusting Milky Way is _not_ the way to thank me.

Suddenly, war felt real. Because one of them might die. One of them _has_ died, and I know her now. She's my, as Naruto put it, precious person and she _died_.

Oh God.

I hugged her again and, confused, she hugged me back.

"Love you two," I mumbled into her shirt.

She hugged me tighter. Obito/Slave/Danna-san ruffled my hair and told me a really lame joke to cheer me up.

I giggled just for him.

* * *

I have seen neither hide nor hair of my godmother or Minato-sama or Okaa-san or Obito-kun or Rin-chan in the last two months. But I _have_ seen Absolutely Smashed, who has once again become my semi-regular babysitter.

Absolutely Smashed is actually Uchiha Teyaki, and he's Otou-san's first cousin, but they're both really close apparently, so really they're like brothers. In essence, he's my closest uncle. He owns a bakery and is in charge of my food intake when Okaa-san isn't home. Meaning, you know, pretty much all the time.

He isn't an angry drunk or a giggly drunk, and quite frankly it might just be his personality, but he's obscenely happy for an Uchiha. Making him my favourite uncle. I'm also pretty sure he's my godfather, but I haven't been made privy to such clearly unimportant information. Seriously, why would I need to know about these sorts of ostensibly unnecessary things?

"Oji-san, why does no one remark on my extremely complex vocabulary?"

"You're an Uchiha."

"Oh."

* * *

"Oji-san, who are we fighting the war against?"

"No idea Aki-chan. I'm a baker. So long as they don't interfere with my shop, I'm not going to force myself to care."

"Oh."

* * *

"Oji-san, are you married?"

"No. Now scram! My head hurts and you're being loud."

"OKAY!"

"Brat!"

* * *

"Oji-san, why did you decide not to be a shinobi?"

"Someone had to run the shop."

"Oh."

* * *

"Oji-san, do you think it's possible to affect something without meaning to?"

"Obviously. Sometimes my cakes are delicious, so I add something to make them more delicious, and they taste blergh. But I didn't mean for them to."

"Not quite what I meant, but that's as good an analogy as any."

* * *

Over the months, these sorts of conversations became commonplace, and he took all my odd questions in stride. He read books to me and, when I realised they were really interesting and that others would enjoy hearing them but likely didn't have a layabout uncle to read for them, I got together all the kids in the district, majority of them Uchiha but a significant portion not, and we had what Teyaki-ji-san began referring to as 'Story time for Brats'.

He loves it really.

We discussed the stories, short as they were, and a lot of arguments erupted from differing views, and little kids with serious expressions are so funny! I laugh so hard every time they have a shouting match over their favourite character and whether the bunny is better than the cat from the story of _The Bunny Diaries: Murder of Kirua the Cat_.

When it gets too bad, I diffuse the situation with sharp, imperious and often too-garbled-for-them-to-understand taunts, or a giggle and a unanimously accepted opinion. I would make a brilliant politician. Honestly.

It's so much like Home. My brothers used to fight all the time too, and I _always_ got them to stop, even when mum couldn't.

Consequently, now whenever _anyone_ in the district has a fight, I get to judge who lives and who dies. Metaphorically obviously.

Also, when the kids do anything wrong that the adults will kill them for, they come to me for cover, excuses, alibis and just plain 'please tell Okaa-san we're sorry! She likes _you_.'

I now have a cult following of ducklings that are at my beck and call.

It's a good thing I'm not a two year old or this would've made me an arrogant bitch.

As it stands, I just feel like practically everyone's elder sister.

I really miss my brothers.

* * *

Among my new minions is Uchiha Shisui, who's a couple of months older than me. He's absolutely adorable and has this cute habit of tilting his head to the side whenever he asks me a question.

He seems to think I know all the answers of the universe.

So cute!

"Aki-senpai," he asked, his cute voice bubbling with curiosity. "Why is the sky blue?"

Well, seeing as he's two and physics is something that's likely to go over his head…"Because there are tiny fairies in the sky that really like the colour blue so they share it with us. They take all the rest of the colours and let us see their favourite colour. By the time it's sunset though, they get tired so the sky becomes red and yellow instead."

He scrunched his eyebrows together in contemplation, pouting ever so slightly. "Are the fairies naturally red and yellow?"

"Sometimes they're pink and grey as well. Tell you what, we'll watch a sunset together and you can tell me which colour fairies you see alright?"

He grinned brightly. "Okay!"

He really is such a cute kid. He has a really vivid imagination, and he loves hearing the stories I come up with. It helps that I am well-gifted in the powers of child-friendly bullshit, or I'd never get through half our conversations intact.

On one memorable occasion, Shisui-chan puppy-dog-eyed his aunt into visiting me just before sunset so that we could sneak out and watch it together. I had absolutely no qualms about this sort of manipulation, so I fully endorsed his plan.

The best thing about Konoha, and indeed the Elemental Nations, is that there is absolutely no overt pollution. The skies are as clear as crystal, and rainbows are a common sight after a shower, so seeing a sunset would be a brilliant experience, just like the diamond-sequined night sky.

The best place to see the sunset, I felt, would be near the Naka River. So guess where we went?

Okaa-san had taken me there around the first week of her maternity leave. It'd been a pit stop on the way to Noeki-baa-san's house, and it was beautiful. I knew the way there, and Shisui-chan would believe absolutely anything I said (I told him I was actually a penguin from Madagascar. He just asked me what penguins looked like and whether it was fun there. So cute!) so when I took his hand after a brilliant display of devious toddler intellect, (he began wailing about how he'd hurt his foot and I'd snuck into the kitchen and swept the pots and pans out of the cupboards and started banging them together, then bid a hasty retreat. When his aunt and my babysitter came to see what was going on, I was already out the door with Shisui-chan not too far behind) he didn't protest.

We ran, hopped and occasionally skipped all the way to the Naka River, laughing like we were high on Magic Mushrooms all the way. Or whatever drug little babies seem to constantly be smoking when no one's watching.

Out of breath and huffing out puffs of air, we cleared the small hill with our toddler stubby legs and looked below at the most beautiful sight I'd seen since coming to this world. Shisui-chan's breath caught in his throat and I inhaled a deep breath of air in awe.

The sun was like a thumb-crescent, a little burning ember you find at the bottom of a fire pit after you've stoked the flames. The rays of different colours pierced the water's glittering surface and the Naka River looked like a swathe of heaven. Molten red and burnt umber, shades of deep and light yellow, a hint of grey right at the wispy edges and a fluffy pink interspersed like afterthoughts in the blend. Hints of desperate and deep blue, indigo and violet creeping onto the horizon, flashes of white dissipating as the fire of crimson and ochre flickered and swallowed it whole.

And darkness crept onto the skies, the first shimmering stars twinkling, before we managed to wrench ourselves away from the sight. Shisui-chan looked at me, and we both smiled a smile that held the secrets of the entire universe in its curves.

We watched the sun set every day we could after that. Sometimes, we couldn't sneak away in time, sometimes we _just_ missed it, on occasion we had to enlist my other minions' help (call something shinobi training and they'll literally do _anything_. It's no wonder Naruto instantly believed Mizuki) and other times, we were too closely guarded.

It was fun, and he became my closest friend. My first friend in this world. Seems like another milestone! Quest complete: trophy unlocked.

Heh.

* * *

I was two years and two months old when Okaa-san and Otou-san came back home. There were a lot more high-level shinobi around the village as well (i.e. _not_ fresh-out-of-the-academy genin and paper pushers only) so either the war was over (definitely not), a diplomatic ceasefire had been called (maybe) or we're at a stalemate (ergo, a ceasefire).

I'll assume the latter until further information is divulged to a toddler-minion-master.

But anyway, as luck would have it, Okaa-san literally stepped into the house, _literally one foot through the doorstep_ , and her water broke.

Her. Water. Broke.

Otou-san began panicking, and forever shattered my tentatively-forming character study of him, while I remained the calm one in the situation.

"Kami-sama, get a grip Otou-san! We need to get her to the hospital!" I said, grabbing both his hands and focusing his attention on my instructions.

"Right." He blinked, before sweeping Okaa-san off her feet and frog marching with a panicked look out the door.

Okaa-san was blushing through the pain.

This was so completely uncharacteristic that if I hadn't had a previous life outside the Uchiha Clan, I would have been blushing and thinking of this display of public affection with disdain. As it stood, it was just adorable.

"I'm alright you know," she said, gritting her teeth and looking unconvincingly relaxed. "You _really_ don't have to carry me all the way, shujin-sama. I can get there myself."

"Okaa-san, _no_ ," I said firmly as she tried to wriggle out of his grip.

"What she said," Otou-san nodded stoically, still panicking. "We can't let you injure yourself at such a critical juncture." His eyes were unnaturally trained in the direction of the hospital, even though he can't actually see the hospital from where we were.

"…so that's where she gets her vocabulary from," Okaa-san mumbled.

We rushed into the hospital, and I'd tripped six times on the way (curse toddler clumsiness!) while Okaa-san's breathing had become increasingly more and more haggard.

"Oh dear. It seems the contractions have started," Okaa-san said through a forced calm.

"NO!" Otou-san yelled stoically. "EVERYBODY PANIC!"

I put a placating hand on his knee (which was as high as I could reach) and said reassuringly, "Otou-san, calm down. Okaa-san, breathe to a beat. In, pause, out. In, pause, out. That's it, you're doing great."

We got to the front reception and one of the familiar nurses intercepted Otou-san's panicked stoic rushing.

"Can we help you sir?" he asked by way of greeting.

Otou-san just looked at him with unadulterated stoic panic and I decided he was in no shape to speak, so I spoke for him.

"What Otou-san is trying to say is that Okaa-san's water just broke and she's going into labour. Her contractions have also started," I informed him, and I absentmindedly registered that I sounded like I was debriefing him.

"I see," he said, turning to Otou-san. "Please remain calm and follow me sir."

"In…out…in…out," muttered Okaa-san under her breath.

"Ah Uchiha-sama," greeted Hagane-sensei, with an unnatural pleasant smile on his face. "Right on schedule. Lay her on the bed sir."

"Do you have anything for shock? Otou-san's looking a little pale," I asked the nurse who'd guided us here calmly.

"I have just the thing. Let's leave Hagane-sensei to do his job, alright?" he replied, taking the two of us to a waiting room after Otou-san had put Okaa-san down on the hospital bed.

"Leave your little sibling and Okaa-san to me, Akito-hime," Hagane-sensei said, ruffling my hair before turning around and shutting the door behind him.

I nodded, though off-task, my brain kept on replacing him with Ka going 'trust in me'. "Keep breathing Okaa-san!" I called out.

"Let's go Akito-hime," said the nurse briskly.

The nurse poured something into Otou-san's mouth when we got to the waiting room and he blinked in confusion before gulping down some more of the strong smelling liquid.

"I see the medication's working. Don't worry, your wife will be fine Uchiha-sama," said the nurse as Otou-san looked towards Okaa-san's hospital room door in unbridled panic.

"That's not medicine. That's saké," I said, going over to sniff the liquid and identifying it with a scrunch of my nose.

"And what a wonderful medicine it is," said the blue-haired nurse with a laugh.

"As a healthcare professional, are you supposed to be advocating the use of harmful substances as medicinal substitutes?"

"…Shut up kid," he grumped.

"Are you aware of who exactly it is you're reprimanding Medic-san?" asked Otou-san dangerously, finally acting like himself again. Trust him to pull his shit together when the Uchiha Pride was threatened.

"It's okay Otou-san. Sorry Medic-san, we're all a bit stressed," I said, trying to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.

"Understandable," sniffed the offended nurse before leaving us.

Otou-san's yes were trained on the hospital door for the next five hours, and I was just as calm as I'd ever been.

Baby Itachi was going to be born, and I had no idea how to react.

Oh well. Whatever happens, I'll just go with the flow.

* * *

"Uchiha-sama? Akito-hime?"

"Hagane-sensei."

"It's done. Would you like to see your Otouto?"

"It's a boy?"

"Yes Uchiha-sama. Congratulations. There were some complications during the birthing process, but nothing that, due to this fortunate stalemate, she can't recover from with plenty of rest."

"I see."

"Come Akito-hime. Let's go see him ne?"

"Ah, Shujin-sama, Akito-chan. You were right, it was a boy."

"I'm always right Okaa-san. At least about my brothers."

"…brothers?"

"Is this him then?"

"He's so cute!"

"Have you decided on a name, shujin-sama?"

"I have veto power."

"…Uchiha Itachi."

"A good name."

"Acceptable."

"Good evening Itachi-touto! I'm your Aneki and I'll love you till the day we die!"

"…morbid."

"Indeed."

"She'll make a good sister."

He blinked sleepily at me. I proffered one of my fingers to him and he slowly curled his tiny fingers around it.

I melted.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uchiha Shisui had never met anyone quite like his half-aunt four times removed, but then again, he wasn't the only one.

At a grand total of two years, he had learned every bit as much about life as the next toddler. But Aki-senpai was different.

She knew things he _knew_ she had no business knowing, talked like an adult and not like a child trying to act like an adult (there was a huge difference. Several of his cousins were a testament to that) and she looked at him the way a proper aunt would, not like an aunt that really in all honesty shouldn't be referred to as such.

His Okaa-san said it was adorable how he trailed after her all the time but, besides being slightly (read: severely) mortified, he didn't mind. Even though he was a big boy and this just made him look like a little boy, he didn't mind.

Aki-senpai was his friend.

He managed to catch the kunai his Otou-san threw at him just before it stabbed him in the eye. Uchiha training, got to love it right?

Also, he knew that Aki-senpai would never attack him without warning. Ever.

In a world filled with crazy shinobi and even crazier training tactics, it meant a lot that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would never punish him for letting his guard down around her.

Aki-senpai was his best friend.

He dodged the kick aimed for his head but didn't raise his arms fast enough to block his Otou-san's punch. "Focus Shisui! In a battle, you would have been killed! Do you _want_ to be dead?!"

He shook his head because he was too out of breath to verbally answer. They retook their stances and Otou-san beckoned him forward.

Aki-senpai deserved the perfect best friend.

This time, he dodged the kick and blocked the punch as well as the ninja wire rigged to trip him to activate the bombardment of kunai and shuriken, the ones he'd sharpened just that morning in the armoury.

He would be the bestest friend to Aki-senpai in the world. Lifetime promise.

His Otou-san landed a punch in the time it took him to get out of the roll he'd used to dodge the tripwire.

"Focus Shisui! Blood does not come easily out of clothes!"

"Hai!"

* * *

 _(A/N: Shorter chapter, but I felt that it should have ended right there. Any questions so far? Any characters you want adding? Leave them in the reviews.)_

 ** _Edited 17.01.2017_**


	3. Baby Brother

**_'When_ _dad_ _and mom don't understand you, a sister always will.'_**

* * *

Itachi - the elder brother of Sasuke, the genocidal, tsukiyomi-inducing pacifistic S-ranked criminal - was currently curled in my lap, gently breathing and lightly humming in his sleep.

I hummed a lullaby from my world into his tiny ears, and he stirred sleepily, his delicate fists curling on either side of his face as he stretched.

He made a cooing noise, and I brought a bottle to his beckoning mouth before he even opened his eyes. He greedily began sucking on it, bringing his teeny tiny hand to the sides of the bottle to grip it as tightly as he could.

It's been three months since baby Itachi came into my world, and not a day has gone by since where my world hasn't revolved around him.

Kushina-ba-chan came along a while ago and, after seeing me babbling in English to him quietly as he lay propped with pillows on a sitting mat in the living room staring steadily at me absorbing my every word, promptly declared that we were the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

She's Itachi-touto's godmother as well, and she adores him just as much as she adores me.

* * *

Danna-san and Oku-san came to babysit us once when the clan was having some sort of meeting, basically about casualty rates and funding. They came home and summarised the entire thing so I don't even feel too neglected.

"Are you two still in love?"

They spluttered a bit and Rin-chan, surprisingly enough not Obito-kun, blushed brightly.

"Well, uh, we're still dating if that's what you mean. Why wouldn't we be, eh? Rin-chan is awesome and I'd be an idiot if I let her go."

She, if it's possible, blushed even brighter. She looked at him shyly.

"You really think that about me?"

"Well, yeah. Always have."

She smiled at him really cutely, kissed him lightly on the cheek, and breathed out a thank you.

It was like watching a romantic comedy, and I only regret not having any popcorn with me. Itachi-touto blinked at me, so I know he feels the same.

Just after this little display, Minato-sama and a silver haired porcupine that could only be chibi-Kakashi waltzed in. To my satisfaction, the adorkable couple didn't even move apart in the slightest.

"Minato-sama! Looking as awesome as ever!" I gave him a thumbs up and a wide grin.

He grinned back at me. "Ah, Akito-chan, I see you haven't changed much."

Obito-kun and Rin-chan were gaping at us in surprise and Kakashi-senpai-san-sama-kun looked a cross between constipated and murderous.

So adorable.

"Poor Uchiha eyesight _is_ contagious I see," I said, stroking an imaginary beard sagely. "Don't worry Minato-sama, you're epic even though you're practically blind."

"…Uchiha's have bad eyesight?"

Before I could answer Obito-kun's utter confusion, Kakashi decided to make his views on the matter clear.

"Minato-sensei, how do you know _her_?"

He said 'her' like as if Medusa had crossbred with Beelzebub and had a lovechild with Santa Claus. And I was the lovechild.

Yes, the mental images are actually the true **Curse of the Uchiha clan** ™. So nice of you to notice.

"I see you're the only one that doesn't know our client, Kakashi-kun. Akito-chan, would you like to introduce yourself?"

"Anything for you Minato-sama!"

He shook his head in resigned amusement, and Rin-chan giggled through her hand-covered mouth. I turned to Kakashi-kun and smiled politely.

"Good afternoon, my name is Uchiha Akito and it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

I then bowed expertly and looked at him expectantly.

"What, do you expect applause?" he sneered.

"No, actually. I was hoping for an introduction from you."

He flushed indignantly and retorted, "I don't need to lower myself to your level."

"Hey, stop being a prick, Bakashi!" Obito-kun snapped.

"That was uncalled for, Kakashi-kun," Rin-chan said, agreeing with Obito-kun but trying not to offend her new teammate.

"It's alright. I'm sure Kakashi-san, being my superior in absolutely every way, had a legitimate reason for treating me like an unintelligent blibbering humdinger that isn't worth common human courtesy."

I smile evenly at him and he eventually relents in the face of two subtle and one not-so-subtle glare from his team.

"Hatake Kakashi, chuunin of Konohagakure no Sato."

"It's an honour to meet you, Kakashi-san. Thank you for accepting a D-rank mission even though it's well below your skill level."

"You don't have to be so nice to him, Aki-hime," Obito-kun grumbled. "He's a prick."

" _That_ was uncalled for, Danna-san. I can be polite if I have to be."

"That's not what I meant!" he sputtered.

"Let it go, Obito-kun," Rin-chan smiled.

While he simmered down, Kakashi basically blended into the shadows, and I was reminded that I could never be friends with everybody, that many would hate me simply for being me. It was…interesting, and the first proper roadblock I'd had in this world. Minato-sama came closer and kneeled next to me.

"I apologise on his behalf, Akito-chan. Kakashi-kun can be a bit rough around the edges, but I figured if there was anyone with thick enough skin to deal with him, it would be you."

"Wait, do you _need_ to finish a D-rank babysitting mission for something?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Yes. For regular C-ranks, our team needs to have done at least 8 regular D-ranks."

"Obito-kun and I are covered because of what we did when we were in the academy," Rin-chan explained, "but Kakashi-kun graduated too early to complete any, so this is really for his benefit."

I thought about this.

"But he's a chuunin. Doesn't he already have clearance for C-ranks?"

"War time clearance, yes," Minato-sama said, sitting down on the tatami mats. "Not peace time. There are different protocols."

"But you don't have to worry about it, Aki-hime!" Obito-kun said, keen to shield me from any mentions of the war. "By the time we're through with them, the Iwa-nin'll be begging for mercy!"

Kakashi suddenly manifested from the shadows near Itachi-touto's crib.

"Foolish arrogance is unbecoming of a shinobi."

"Scaring the shit out of the client is too. Can you not?" I said mildly.

"You don't seem too scared," he said caustically, giving me a glare.

"I'm a potential clan heiress. You'll have to do better than that," I said mildly.

He looked like he wanted to rip my head off my neck. Wow, he really doesn't like me.

Sucks to be him I guess.

It's a good thing I'm not really two and a half, or that look he gave me would've made me cry.

"Kakashi-kun!" Minato-sama snapped at him.

I know what this is, this feeling of being choked by your insides and feeling truly alone in this world and thinking everyone you'd ever loved is essentially dead. Since this isn't Harry Potter, I can safely assume it's Killer Intent and not Dementors.

He isn't very good at it, but now that Itachi-touto is crying because of it, I _**glare**_ at him and he actually flinches.

"Step away from my Otouto, or I'll give you a real reason to hate me," I promised.

That sentence sealed it. We officially would not get along. Ever. And he was someone I really wanted to get along with too…I feel like pouting miserably and growing mushrooms in a corner now.

After I swept towards Itachi-touto, hushing and calming him, Kakashi didn't bother to reveal his presence again. Obito-kun and Rin-chan sat with me and played hand-clapping games. I taught them patty cake, a bastardised version of rock-paper-scissors that my friends and I used to play called man-chicken-knife (knife kills chicken, chicken pecks man, man wields knife. Sounds legit right?), a sailor went to sea sea sea and B-I-N-G-O.

It was hilarious because Obito kept on forgetting the song trying to concentrate on the rhythm and Rin-chan kept messing up the clapping routine trying to keep up with the words.

Also, I'd taught it to them in English, so maybe that's why they were having so much difficulty.

Cue devious chibi smile.

There was a lot of muffled squealing, mournful groans and dark curses flung around. Mostly, I laughed, otherwise, I mourned that my speed was abysmal. I need to work on that.

Itachi-touto woke up because of all the noise and Minato-sama, as the only one not playing, was tasked with baby-distraction. They got on remarkably well considering Itachi-touto's the most serious baby ever and Minato-sama has absolutely no idea what he was doing.

I did not take pity on him at all.

Kakashi was called upon to aid with the 'easier to deal with' Uchiha sibling. The poor fool.

They cleverly deduced that Itachi-touto was hungry, and Kakashi was charged with finding the milk bottle. Itachi-touto began wiggling uncomfortably in Minato-sama's admittedly professionally executed grip (maybe there's some merit to the whole 'Deidara is secretly Minato's illegitimate offspring' conspiracy theory) and then whining.

Again, no input from me. I would've helped if they asked but they were being ageist and not asking me. Especially Kakashi, because he's checked literally _every single_ cupboard but the right one. Superior shinobi? Probably. Supreme Idiot? Definitely.

Oh, he finally located it, but now they have a new problem. Rin-chan has been summoned to help, being a girl and everything she _must_ know about babies, right?

The thing is though, that on this team, Obito-kun's probably the only one who knows how to take care of babies. Rin-chan, I know for a fact, hasn't done an extensive round of the gynaecology department because she didn't think it was too important, what with everyone on her team being male. She's never handled babies before, at least not at that age. Obito-kun hadn't had a partner when he'd babysat me at that age.

Itachi-touto began crying in earnest after Rin-chan tried to feed him the milk concoction she'd prepared. Honestly, you had to boil the water before dumping in the powder and then cool it, not just take chilled water from the fridge and hope for the best! I nearly took pity on Itachi-touto and went to save him, but Obito-kun stopped me. I realised that he wanted to be called, wanted to be needed _before_ he proved his worth to them and he wanted them to essentially _want_ him.

Also, he had a burgeoning sadistic streak that probably just got worse with prolonged exposure to Madara.

"But, the box said to just put two teaspoons into the water, Kakashi-kun!" Rin-chan argued semi-hysterically.

"Obviously he doesn't like it. It's not strong enough."

"I don't think strength is the issue here, Kakashi-kun," Rin-chan sweatdropped.

"Strength is always the issue."

Itachi-touto's crying intensified.

Minato-sama continued bouncing him, trying to shush him, and the decibels just kept picking up. I began giggling, because oh Kami-sama, the look of miserable confusion on his face was side-splitting! Obito-kun joined in.

Kakashi finally just gave up the argument with Rin-chan, and now Itachi-touto had soiled his nappy. The smell was unbearable and Minato-sama looked about ready to call it quits and hit the bar. Rin-chan looked at me desperately but loyalty to Obito-kun took precedence. I declined her silent plea for help.

"Fine! I'm sorry! Just fix the little brat!"

Well, since he asked so nicely…

"Of course I'll help," I said, perhaps a bit too smugly. "But you have to listen to what I say."

Kakashi actually growled in frustration, but because his voice has yet to crack it sounded like a high-pitched squawk. I mumbled to Obito-kun. "I don't think they're going to make it without you."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

So he rose, like a valiant soldier ready for battle, entered the fray, plucked the milk bottle from Kakashi's tight grip and promptly emptied it into the sink. He clumsily put the kettle on and then ran into the nursery. He got the nappy changing mat, a new nappy and baby wipes. He asked Minato-sama to place Itachi-touto onto the mat and then changed him with a lot of uncharacteristic fussing from Itachi-touto.

Meanwhile, when the kettle boiled I instructed Kakashi on the correct procedure to prepare the baby formula. Without a microwave, this was far more difficult than I remember it. He poured the formula in the bottle and placed it in a bowl of cold water in the sink. It took around fifteen minutes for it to cool down sufficiently to be ingested by a three month old, by which time Obito-kun was done with the nappy change.

Kakashi was fuming by the time Itachi-touto had been fed and burped (I fed and Obito-kun burped) so he took his leave before he got roped into any other plebeian chores. Rin-chan just looked misty-eyed at Obito-kun holding Itachi-touto and making cooing faces. I think she's having 'Future Family Fantasies'. Minato-sama had a silent smile in his eyes and I wonder just how much of his presumed incompetence was fabricated. Regardless, Itachi-touto obviously loves me best because he keeps trying to reach out to me.

I fall deeper in love with him every day.

Okaa-san and Otou-san came home exactly half a second after Kakashi reappeared again. Itachi-touto was asleep in my lap with me humming him a lullaby (I swear he falls asleep the minute I start humming), Rin-chan was reading me a story (with Obito-kun providing dramatic sound effects) and Minato-sama was meditating.

It looked like the least hassle-y carefree mission ever, but Team Minato, Itachi-touto and I know better. We'll take their secret incompetence to the grave.

Or until blackmail opportunities arise. You know, whichever.

Okaa-san thanked them while Otou-san made a beeline for the booze cupboard. Clearly, a lot of our clansmen were being retarded again. They took their leave, Rin-chan coming over to hug me and Obito-kun promising me some Daifuku the next time his grandma made some. Minato-sama smiled and ruffled my hair before bidding us all a good day. Also, he poked Itachi-touto on the forehead.

That gesture gave me the tinglies, promptly reminding me of the massacre and _my Otouto's death._

Unacceptable. So, now to think about the causes of the massacre and rectify them to the best of my capabilities.

Carding a hand through Itachi-touto's downy hair, I recalled the major prejudice that Tobito seemed to feel was the beginning of the end of the Uchiha clan, the Kyuubi Attack, the forced-into-tiny-space and being watched suspiciously, the arrogant nature that made people resent them, the fact that they had kill-stealing and signature-move-stealing abilities made people feel not so charitable towards them and, if that wasn't enough, some went off the deep-end once or twice every generation and ripped eyes out of their brothers' sockets before promptly committing fratricide.

Wow. Just, wow.

That is _so_ messed up that I don't know where to even **begin** unravelling the convolutedness of it all.

Okay, first things first. Things I can't change: the Uchiha can steal moves, perhaps not intentionally but they can and do. The Kyuubi attack and, consequently, the badly veiled suspicion and shoving-all-problems-into-a-walled-off-compound. Well, I could try, but that's just setting myself up for disappointment.

I can stop my generation from committing fratricide. They all practically worship the ground I walk upon. I can also stop the ripping off of eyes from their rightful sockets because, if it comes down to it, the only three people strong enough that managed it (and don't go around wearing lollipop masks) were Shisui-chan—currently my best friend, Itachi-touto—currently my Otouto, and Sasuke—who will also eventually be my Otouto. And I don't even think Shisui-chan actually ripped one of his own out, just the other one and only to give it to Itachi-touto for 'safe-keeping' and 'using it wisely' and 'carrying out his will'.

That will _not_ be happening on my watch, so that's moot to begin with.

Arrogance isn't the only thing Uchiha are, but they're too dignified to express themselves outside of combat and their tightly knit friendship circles that invariably have an Uchiha majority. I can't fix that, but I can change how the younger generation present themselves to the Outside. All I have to do is…mix up the Uchiha kids and the non-Uchiha kids, get the next generation to see what Uchiha are really like (annoying prickly porcupines with OCD aside, they're just really nerdy emotional whinge bags. Most of them anyway…) and then their parents and assorted older family members will see mini-Uchiha running around acting exactly like their own munchkins and it'll stick in their heads (hopefully) that, when the Kyuubi attack happens, not _all_ Uchiha are suspect.

I might be underestimating sheer human stupidity, but Optimism, right?

Basically, I have to undo six decades of stigmatisation long before it gets to the point they start vying for a coup d'état. Essentially, the minute Sasuke's two months old and it's October the tenth, my time's up.

So four years, give or take?

This ought to be fun…

I have a better chance of getting all the Nara to play hide-and-seek with a four-year-old Naruto on a sugar high!

So basically, keep up the 'Story time for Brats' circle, go to the regular playground closer to the Academy (and not the one nearer the 'Uchiha District'—not that there is such a thing officially, but everyone knows where you find most of the Uchiha), interact with _everyone_ , get all my assorted cousins, nieces and nephews to interact with the general populace and be the paragon of friendly, open and awesome.

That's a lot easier than it might seem. It just requires a _lot_ of time, energy and patience for stupidity to work effectively.

Four years probably isn't going to cut it really.

Well, we all start small right?

Itachi-touto scrunched up his nose and yawned cutely, curling into my stomach more firmly.

"Akito-chan, dinner's ready."

"Coming, Otou-san. Help me with Itachi-touto?"

Otou-san gently lifted the tortilla-wrapped infant and sat down with him on the sitting mat at the eating table. Okaa-san set the table and brought in the food.

"Itadakimasu!"

Splitting my chopsticks, I tried valiantly not to spill anything on myself and, for the most part, I succeeded. I grinned in triumph. Otou-san did not see this as an accomplishment.

"Eat more cleanly next time, Akito-chan."

Okaa-san pitched in on the criticism bandwagon. "That expression is unbecoming of a lady."

I'm two and a half years old.

Let the indoctrination begin.

* * *

Otou-san and Okaa-san feed off each other when it comes to propriety and etiquette. Luckily for me, I have an entire lifetime of teenage angst and rebellion mixed with objective bullshit detection, so I'm not majorly affected by the reprimands or the disappointed looks.

Hey, I'm not defiant. I just choose to ignore idiotic rules like 'don't sing in front of Outsiders' and 'Be dignified. Running up to and hugging acquaintances or just plain strangers is _not_ dignified.'

I follow all the other rules because all Uchiha do it, and it's tradition and culture. Little things that I pick up only because of a lifetime of doing otherwise, like 'wear your right shoe before your left.' And 'Always sit in a seiza position.' Not all clans do it, and of the other three noble clans, I don't think even the Hyuuga have such a rule of etiquette.

I've never seen Sasuke or Itachi-touto sit in seiza in the anime except in the flashbacks of their childhoods, but Mikoto and Fugaku died sitting in the seiza position, and they've instilled that in me as well.

No, really. Even on missions, I'm surprised Sasuke didn't sit in the seiza position, because when I asked if on the mission it was acceptable not to, the eloquent was, "You're an Uchiha, and that does not change on a mission."

Dignified unto death some might say.

Barring that however, I've been trying to get Itachi-touto to say 'Aneki' for weeks now. The gurgles sound semi-intelligible, so I hope I'm making some sort of progress. He's begun crawling recently as well, and it's the cutest thing in the entire world, it really is. It's really early and I'm so proud of him, but Okaa-san and Otou-san seem to think this is the normal pace. It's because they weren't here for any of my firsts, so they just assume Itachi-touto's doing it at a normal pace.

Idiots.

He invariably tires himself out and falls asleep mid-crawling-mission, and Otou-san or Okaa-san gently replace him into his crib. From whence he reinitiates his quest and promptly gets tired again.

He doesn't like mushed up food and has the cutest pout in the history of babykind.

That pout, if harnessed correctly, could prevent Armageddon. Really.

So cute!

I usually have him propped on my lap while I continue with my calligraphy lessons. We've moved on to paper and ink now, and I'm glad for the chalk practice because this would've been messy otherwise. As for the dancing, Okaa-san was _extremely_ irritated that I hadn't kept up the routine even when she wasn't there to enforce it.

Lesson taken to heart: Never skip training.

The stretches became more numerous and complex—there was a half-twisted over the head and propped by the elbows leg manoeuvre that seems impossible but somehow _is_ possible after you've been whacked with a bo̅ staff often enough.

Otou-san has begun my genjutsu training, or at least set the groundwork for it. I now have to saturate a pebble with enough chakra that it will glow, and it's to help my chakra capacity increase, just like stretching a muscle till its limit will make it flexible. Eventually.

He's also got me working on handsigns and shurikenjutsu, the art of embedding sharp pointy objects in severed pieces of trees so as to accurately maim and/or kill masses of human flesh.

Lovely stuff.

The problem with kunai and shuriken is that, while I'm used to handling kitchen knives and chainsaws (not for anything too nefarious, I promise…), kunai and shuriken are _sharp_. I'm not clumsy but I have enough cuts on my hand that I look like I was attacked by rabid squirrels. The little cuts sting unbearably and the larger slices itch as they heal. I severely _don't_ enjoy it, but shurikenjutsu is a clan specialty, and I'm not going to slack off on it. Besides, throwing pointy objects and actually _hitting_ people is the most shinobi-esque thing in this crazy world. I'm not going to fail, believe it!

So when my hand isn't a grotesque playground for ink and blood, my muscles are staging a revolt and demanding a workers' union. On the side, Shisui-chan and I go exploring the rest of Konoha, and have managed to ingratiate ourselves with the elitist munchkins of the Academy playground. They're loud, obnoxious and make the lamest jokes, think that fart jokes and poop are comedy gold and that girls are smelly and stupid.

Ah kids.

It took a lot of effort, and they gave Shisui-chan a lot of flak for hanging around with and defending a girl but in the end when I kicked their butts and suggested several games that they'd never heard of, they welcomed me with open arms. (Hopscotch was a fun endeavour, with all of them falling on their faces, screaming I was the devil incarnate and promptly trying again after I taunted them about being 'weaker than girls'. Psychological warfare against toddlers. The joys of life are boundless.) I have become their 'big sister' too.

I just feel I should point it that I'm not even three yet and they're _all_ between the ages of four and nine. I don't know whether to feel unabashedly proud or kind of sad.

Any time I spend away from home, Itachi-touto doesn't let me out of his sight when I return. I spent nearly all his first two months with him and so he's grown accustomed to me being around. He seems to be showing possessive tendencies from a very young age (he baby-death-glared Shisui-chan into submission when he came to drag me away to watch the sunset) and, even though it's a bit worrying, it's just mostly adorable!

He even tries to crawl with me outside and do baby stretches alongside me. We tend to let him keep at it because he looks like a wriggling caterpillar in his feety pyjamas, a look of strict concentration on his face, red-faced with his eyes shining and cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk.

When Okaa-san takes me to the market place, I make extra sure to greet every single stall owner, up to and including the squinty-eyed geriatric nutjob that owns a wood-carving stall. Ironically, his name is Hiroyuki with the kanji for 'abundant joy'. He's the crankiest 70+ douchebag in this town.

He's awesome.

"Good morning Hiroyuki-san!"

"Get lost kid!"

"Beautiful day today, isn't it?"

"About as dry as a carcass left in the noonday desert sun."

"Are those carcasses as common as you make them sound?"

"If they were, I wouldn't be telling a midget like you diddlysquat!"

"Don't you love me?"

"I ain't called upon to deal with pretentious clan-privileged changelings. Go bother someone else!"

"Pleasure talking to you as always, Hiroyuki-san!"

"Yeah yeah. Watch where you're going kid or you'll bash into someone, fall on your coccyx, break your pelvis and then what'll happen?!"

"I knew you cared!"

"…ungrateful little…"

He loves me really.

But generally, many at first seemed weirded out but tolerating, and now they go out of their way to greet me first.

I think they're all under the impression that I'm actually two or three years older than I look, which is probably why they treat me the way they do i.e. not pinching my cheeks and then dismissing me like a mindless doll, but rather pinching my cheeks and asking me how I'm doing, what Okaa-san's making for dinner and etcetera.

I've taken to sharing cute baby stories about Itachi-touto and funny things Otou-san does. Nothing too embarrassing that it can be used against him, just general 'Father without a clue as to what he's doing raising a baby' stories. It gets a laugh out of the people and it makes him seem less like just an authority figure and more relatable.

I've lived in a world where soldiers and policemen were considered people, but this world lacks that. I'm just subtly nudging them towards that sort of acceptance. Makes for much easier interpersonal relations, and it's another way to try and prevent the massacre.

Not that I was thinking this the first time I started telling people adorkable stories. No, at first I just wanted them to laugh. I enjoy talking and in my old life, very little I did at home couldn't be shared with the general public, so I guess that sentiment carried over here as well.

Granted, it's not that simple in this world because I'm the _head of the_ _ **Uchiha**_ _clan's daughter_ but it didn't really register until Okaa-san reprimanded me for it.

"Our home lives are private, Akito-chan, and now everyone in the entire village knows about it! That is unacceptable. In the world of shinobi, information is _everything_ and you're handing it over like anpan!"

Cultural shock right there. Because I was putting my family in danger by just _talking_ about them. When she'd thoroughly accomplished her self-appointed task of making me feel like unwanted toxic waste, she said she approved of my interactions and that she'd endeavour to keep it a secret from Otou-san.

"Goodness knows you've accomplished in two months what he hasn't in twenty years."

"What?"

"An affable persona. But let's keep this between ourselves, alright?"

"Okay, Okaa-san."

I love Okaa-san.

* * *

Itachi-touto, from a calm and determined crawler, grew up to be the most fearsome and heart-attack-inducing daredevilling toddler. He climbs up to all the top shelves with no actual discernible footholds to accomplish such a deed, milks the neighbours and extended relatives for all the sweets they're worth, follows me around _everywhere_ , toddler-death-glares my peerage into gibbering submission when they 'steal' me away and has said his first word.

"A-ne-ki!"

His first word was big sister! I am the happiest elder sibling alive!

Okaa-san has finally got a handle on the household chores, Otou-san is finally working semi-regular hours and my new family seems to finally be reaching some sort of harmony.

I can now write entire paragraphs in kanji and my handwriting has evolved from 'chicken scratch' to 'barely legible'. My stretches don't kill me anymore, but they keep growing more and more complex. Sometimes, I think Okaa-san just makes them up for the shits and giggles. I can saturate the stone with glowy chakra now, and Otou-san has taught me the handsign sequence for the Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu. My handsigns aren't sloppy, but they _are_ pretty slow, so a lot to work on on that front.

My aim has improved immensely but my strength is that of a five year old overachieving girl, which, you know, I am. Itachi-touto has also begun his training, but only _just_ beginning. He is a _lot_ more flexible than I was, a lot more graceful and a lot more accurate with his kunai. His chicken scratch however, is far less legible than mine and I don't even think he knows what he's doing. Also, I can now read _all_ the books in our library, the bookstore (owned by a retired fuinjutsu-dabbling taijutsu-specialising chuunin) and the Uchiha clan library. I am steadily working my way through them all.

Itachi-touto doesn't talk much, but when he does he sounds extremely wise and ancient. Also, sarcastic. I don't know how a three year old can manage sarcasm, but he has. He made one of the girls who came over for my advice cry. No, not sniffling, but actual wailing and howling.

Her father had to come take her home. Itachi-touto looked ever so smug.

So, as his elder sister and clearly the only responsible adult in this household (goodness knows neither one of our parents are going to rise to the occasion), I gave him the dressing down of his life.

"It's all well and good when we're laughing and it's in good fun, but the minute someone starts crying, Itachi, it's like you've killed someone."

His eyes widened in horror, and I wanted to hug him and tell him it was alright. But part of being responsible means you have to be the bad guy sometimes.

"Do you understand? You hurt Mari-chan when you said her face was the reason her parents don't love each other anymore."

"But I didn't—"

"You may not have used the exact words, or even meant what you said, but that's how she took it. The words don't matter Itachi, it's how the heart takes it that does."

"…I'll go apologise."

"That's my Itachi-touto!"

He had a determined look in his eyes as he set out, and while when most kids are scolded they don't listen, Itachi-touto has never been like that. He apologised, and he's never done it since. Oh, he's still sarcastic, and he still doesn't like it when people 'steal' me away, but he now reads between the lines and tries to understand other people.

His people skills, as a direct result, have drastically improved.

There are three boys (cousins, one who is Okaa-san's third cousins' son, another who's Teyaki-ji-san's fiancée's sisters' son and the third whose mother shares the same Ojii-san as Otou-san) that have taken to darkening our doorsteps on a regular basis, and all of them are snot-nosed brats (one less snot-nosed than the others).

Kaji, Koki and Jōki (fire, breath and steam respectively) seem to be under the impression that, after I saved them not only from their mothers' unparalleled wrath after they destroyed her kitchen trying to tame a wild hare, but also saved Kaji from drowning (water definitely beats fire) and Jōki from an evil boar (that was a hilarious excursion into the forest. I'd gathered nearly all the kids from the three nearby districts and, after puppy-dog-eyeing Teyaki-ji-san into supervising, went on a training exercise like 'real shinobi'. The kids were so excited and it really was a lot of fun. Half of them were Uchiha, but the other half had nearly all major and minor clans represented—barring the Hyuuga obviously), that I was actually the 'real Amaterasu descended to deliver them unto salvation'. Or something.

Hero worship is good, boosts my ego and makes me feel happy, but hero worship Uchiha style is just plain creepy. They know my entire daily routine, spend most of my 'me time' with me, encroach on my 'Itachi-touto time' as well, and find every possible way to be genuine nuisances. After they tried to follow Shisui-chan and I to the Naka River, Shisui-chan actually threatened to Gōkakyū them in the gonads, and I promised to hold them down.

They haven't stopped stalking me, but they tend to not interfere with The Sunset Watching.

It would be slightly less creepy if they were younger than me, but one of them is three years older! I mean, Kaji's an actual shinobi trainee for crying out loud, he shouldn't be acting like a moonstruck pansy! And he's an Uchiha! We have expectations damnit!

The _only_ bright side to this is that Koki isn't the worst and also, Itachi-touto and he are relatively close in age, and they're friends. Like, genuine friends.

They share sweets and worries, dreams and funny stories and everything. It's adorable. My little Otouto is growing up!

Koki is really quiet for a three year old, but that suits Itachi-touto just fine. They're both quite quiet but they don't mind spending hours together in near silence. I don't understand how anyone can do that, but they don't seem to mind, and so I won't bother them.

But this is new. In the manga, Itachi's only friend was Shisui, but not here. Here, Shisui is the only one of my friends that Itachi-touto doesn't mind me hanging around with. They get along quite well, but he calls him Shisui-nii-san, the same way I faintly remember Sasuke calling him. Also, there was no mention of an Uchiha Koki, who didn't have any shinobi aspirations and would rather learn how to be a wood carver.

Plus, Uchiha Itachi was antisocial, unable to connect to his peers and, at the tender age of four, could not condone needless violence and thus distanced himself from his peerage. My Itachi-touto isn't quite four yet, but he's not exactly a social outcast either. He's a genius, but he gets along well with people. It's probably my influence. I mean, what else could it be? No other variables have changed.

But I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Maybe he was always like this but then the war changed him. Another few months till he turns four…

* * *

As I am five years old, today is my first day at the Shinobi Academy. I've danced, stretched, practiced my handsigns, grabbed my bag (which feels _so_ nostalgic), took a bite out of a biscuit, yelled a goodbye as I strapped on my black sandals while Okaa-san stuffed my bento into my bag, and made a mad dash for the Academy, promising Otou-san to 'make the Uchiha name shine.'

In my old world, I'd always, consistently been late for school. This one time, I'd been three minutes early and the entire classroom had stared at me and my teacher had actually asked me whether something serious had happened.

She'd done a double-take and everything. My friends thought I was an alien imposter who hadn't done their research properly. 'You're never early!' 'It can happen sometimes…' 'But, you're never early!' I think I broke some people.

They had so much faith in me…

It's usually tradition for one or both parents to take the child to school on their first day here, but I told them that it was fine. I knew I was going to be late and besides, it was actually pretty embarrassing to be taken to school like that.

My mum and dad hadn't done it because they thought I was a big girl and they trusted me. They always trusted me…

I feel really sad when I think about things like that. Over the years, I think some people have caught on and believe I suffer from mood swings. Not the worst problem I could have been diagnosed with, so I don't mind.

It doesn't stay long, and it's never violent, and it never happens when I'm with Itachi-touto or with the other kids (barring Shisui-chan but, come on! Quiet calm sunsets are the perfect time to deeply reflect and look melancholy. It's poetic I tell you! Poetic!) so no one really minds.

Speaking of Shisui-chan, he's going to be in the same year as me, and so will Yowa-kun, Seki-kun and Emiko-chan from the orphanage (the matrons have terrible naming sense. Weak, cough and smiling child, probably based on the first thing they could identify about each of them. And true to their names, Yowa-kun is pretty weak for a guy, Seki-kun is almost always either coming down with or recovering from a sickness and Emiko-chan always smiles shyly, even when it's inappropriate. We get along well because of this), Inuzuka Hageshī and Yūhi Daiki from the Academy playground that Shisui-chan and I frequented, and around half a dozen others I've met in my frequent forays into Konoha proper and the other residential districts.

There are quite a few civilian children as well, around five of them (four boys and a girl), all in some way related to the adults I talk to at the market place, so we get along pretty well. All in all, I know nearly everyone in my class on a 'we've had at least one meaningful conversation and a shared fun experience' basis.

The Shinobi Academy has a pretty complicated design, especially considering the main structure was built, then renewed, then attachments were built, and then the whole thing was redesigned, and then destroyed countless times by overzealous students, then reinforced, then rebuilt again after there was an influx of shinobi hopefuls in the last decade. Also, the Hokage tower is practically another attachment of the Academy and so is the Jounin Standby Station. Rumour even has it that one of the entrances to the ANBU headquarters is located in one of the staff rooms.

Of course, the whole ANBU-have-a-secret-HQ might just be an exercise in misdirection, but still.

The building that acts as just the place where students are taught is conical, or a spiral cone, with three to four levels (depending on whether you count the small classroom that rumour has it is haunted) with orange and red roofing and window sills, wide reinforced glass windows and a cherry wood door with two red rectangular reinforcements on either side (the door was blown off its hinges many a time by explosion-happy new recruits), a sign at the top with 'hi' emblazoned on a circular metal plate, the kanji for 'fire'.

As I hastily ran, not into the building, but rather to the hard-sand-packed field where all newbies were to collect for an 'induction ceremony', a lot of students stared at me from the windows.

I suppose being stared at is a given all things considered. I didn't bring my parents with me and, judging by the Uchiha clan symbol proudly displayed on the lining of my short kimono, I was definitely an Uchiha, and definitely late, and looked decidedly undignified running the way I was.

I grew my hair out, not because I wanted to look like Okaa-san, or because 'Uchiha women _never_ have short hair Akito-hime', but because mum used to have hair all the way down to her ankles until she had my brother and in my old life, that's what I strove to have too.

It was something that _I_ was, something that belonged to the me from before and while it fit in nicely with the Uchiha Way, it was still mine.

I loved mum's long hair and I'd always wanted mine to look like that.

Okaa-san and Otou-san were utterly confused when I said I wanted the Uchiha clan crest stitched along the stitches of my kimono as opposed to one big one on the back. It's because it didn't look pretty, and I was going to wear it all the time, and I wanted what I wore to look less…like I was branded.

It's probably eighteen years of _not_ rather than anything else, but having a stamp on my back was different than having it tastefully decorating my ensemble. So Okaa-san took to the challenge and stitched them on all of my kimono, short or otherwise, and Otou-san simply sighed and muttered 'females…' under his breath.

He really indulges me. Seriously he does.

On the dirt floor where all of the students were gathered, the children were all attentively listening to the Hokage, some excitedly and some with constipated trepidation. The Sandaime Hokage, I noticed as I not-so-subtly snuck into the ranks (basically, everyone noticed), was an old man, but not as old as I remember from the anime.

It slammed into me again how he was _not_ a character from a story but an actual person with age progression. It happens every time I see Minato-sama and Kushina-ba-chan, Rin-chan and Obito-kun.

But especially when I see Kakashi-san. He grows an inch every time I see him.

His team has babysat my Otouto and me a total of four times, and I've seen my OTP a grand total of twelve times in the last three years. As for Obito-kun and Rin-chan, I see the former nearly every time he's in the village or when he gives me a surprise visit ('I come bearing sweets Aki-hime!' '…oishi*…let's get married Obito-kun.' 'Hehe! I _am_ awesome aren't I? Too bad, but Rin-chan has my heart Aki-hime. But I'm sure you'll find _someone_ , even though they'll never be as amazing as Ore-sama!' '…I take it back, Rin-chan is welcome to you.' 'Oi!') and I see the latter whenever I go visit/annoy Hagane-sensei for my sadistic pleasure.

Anyway, Sarutobi Hiruzen, third Hokage, the Professor, the God of Shinobi and Naruto's Sandaime-Jiji who let his student escape after experimenting on little children, was talking to us about the Will Of Fire.

I'm a sucker for inspirational speeches. I get all fired-up for a grand total of three hours and then promptly give up, but they are still awesome. Sandaime-sama, for all his assumed flaws, gave a mean inspirational speech.

"…and we all belong to the village hidden in the leaves, to Konoha! As future shinobi of Konoha, you will learn to fight, to die for our home, and that is the Will of Fire. It burns brightly from one generation to the next, and you are a part of the cycle of fire that protects it. Let the flames never die."

He then wished us good luck, and went back to presumably do his paperwork. Two teachers stood at the front of the congregation and began calling names out to stand in two separate lines.

Unlike normal rambunctious kids that would _never_ listen to teachers in my old world, over here we're a military trainee group, and these are our superiors. We listen.

I was called out to the first group, which had all three of the orphans I knew, Shisui-chan, one of the civilian boys, two noble clan kids (one Hyuuga and the other an Akimichi) and two minor clan kids (both of whom I knew from the Forest Excursion). There were ten of us in one class and eleven in the other.

Every two years, we got shuffled around and we had shurikenjutsu practices as a 21 strong class. They mixed up the students that took certain specialised classes based on knowledge level (eg. It'd be redundant putting the Yamanaka in our batch with the rest of us for meditation and psychology because she's presumably more advanced) and all the kunoichi took the Kunoichi Classes together. I'm guessing this is done because, as we were going to fight and eventually die together, we should at least know who we were dying with and what their skill sets are so as to best use our abilites to complement them.

The academy training lasted a grand total of five years during war time (unless you advanced speedily, but that happened only twice so far, once with Hatake Kakashi and the other with Maito Gai who graduated at nine) unlike during peace time in Naruto's time which lasted seven years (or that could've been because Itachi 'snapped' and went berserk so they wanted to reduce the pressure on the students so as to minimise chances of another mass genocide, whichever.)

I was glad I was in the same class as Shisui-chan.

Emiko-chan, Shisui-chan and I sat three-quarters of the way to the back, appropriate enough to show interest but far enough at the back that majority of the class was in front of me so I could watch all of their interactions.

You could say it's become a hobby of mine, to watch the way this world differs from my world, specifically the way people interact with each other. A lot of things differ from Home in subtle ways like, for example, children here are, not only allowed to go wherever the heck they please, they are also _always_ watched. Because they're always watched, they do reckless things, things that kids of our world learn after messing up once that they aren't supposed to do. Since they don't learn that something like jumping off a high building can sever their spinal cortex, they don't ever worry about it. Because they don't worry about it, they can do those daredevil stunts required of an active duty shinobi and actually manage not to think **oh my god this is impossible why am I doing this ajagabablargh**.

Fortunately, I respect the magicalness of chakra and its law defying powers way too much to be overly worried about snapping something integral to my survival.

Still though, it's really interesting to think that this is _natural_ , that shinobi do this unconsciously, without thinking about it at all. None of them think it's weird to watch and be watched constantly because it's been happening since before they were born.

Another example is the treatment of girls in this world. It's like a modern version of our ancient way of treating girls. Here, a woman is the one that carries on the family line but what takes precedent in non-noble clans is that the woman produces soldiers. More than that, women and men are only ever segregated for Kunoichi classes and bathing/bathroom necessities.

Even the changing rooms are unisex.

Granted, we all wear underwear and it isn't too traumatising at this age, but _still_! Desensitisation at a young age indeed.

No, seriously, I thought it'd be difficult to get the girls and the boys to play together, but either Naruto's time is more influenced by civilians or we interpreted their world based on our values, because it was seriously simple. No cooties, no thinking boys are smelly, no thinking girls are weaker…

Okay, maybe there's a lot of 'men are macho' going on but generally, girls only have to prove their strength to be acknowledged. Their strength lies in the subtle arts, so generally the girls are considered more rotten by the civilians; very few consider girls to be weaker.

I'd found it slightly weird, but thought it was for the comedic effect, that Tazuna the Bridge Builder thought that Naruto was weak when Sakura looks less able than he does (objectively, when you have no idea of their actual skill level) but it makes sense now.

The class began and a woman who introduced herself as "Bunko-sensei, chuunin" talked about the history of Konohagakure no Sato, asking all of us to share our own knowledge.

No one did, mainly because there were only four clan kids, me included, and we guard our family history jealously. It's ours!

It's a leftover indoctrination from the Warring Clans Era and it's been subtly injected in all of us. Clan pride is important.

 _Too much is bad._

 _But knowledge is power._

 _But it's my clan history!_

 _But that's wrong, to hold back just because of pride is…_

 _But what would Otou-san think?_

 _He doesn't need to know._

 _But he'll find out!_

 _Breathe. There are orphans here who don't have a family to tell them anything. They're your nakama Akito, they don't need a disadvantage like that._

 _Not everything, not what belongs to my clan, but enough that they don't anger the wrong people out of ignorance._

I raised my hand when no one volunteered any information on the formation of the Hospital League. She gestured to me, looking grateful that someone was saying something and surprised that it was an Uchiha.

As a matter of fact, so was everyone else.

"The Hospital League was first created when civilians began complaining about how much less they received in terms of healthcare compared to shinobi. Shinobi argued that they were stronger and more physically fit, but a then recent study had shown that it was because they had iryouninjutsu (the art of using chakra to heal), which was a more effective method of treatment than what the civilians had at the time.

The Hospital League came into fruition thirty years ago, headed by Tsunade of the Sannin and Daisuke of the Old Civilian Families after a shinobi went rogue because his civilian wife died of a disease they had both contracted, but the medics referred her to the civilian doctors and didn't treat her because she didn't fall under their jurisdiction.

Even today, many civilians still resent medics more than they resent other types of shinobi because they are not only always in contact with them, but also because it was only when it affected shinobi that they actually changed their, our, policies."

That was a long blurb, but everyone listened. They'd gotten used to listening to me, and while usually I don't talk so much about history, I _do_ tell them stories from my own world and they can get pretty long, ranging from a week to one that lasted three months.

After that, everyone began volunteering titbits of information, and people actually began asking questions. It became a lot more interactive and I don't know whether Bunko-sensei was grateful or downright hated me.

Oh well.

We had a geography lesson, and I remember hating geography. The wind currents and jet streams and pressure zones and tectonic plates were mind numbing. I still hate it, but it doesn't mean I didn't know it. Also, there's less technical stuff here (I checked the curriculum they told us to give to our parents for approval. Otou-san barely glanced at it and told me that it didn't matter, 'my Akito-chan will do well no matter what they teach.' I love him.) so that's a bonus.

I don't even know whether this world _has_ tectonic plates, or whether there's just one or two massive ones. Is this the only land mass (barring Mizu no Kuni)? Are there more?

This bares further reading.

We also had a maths lesson, and I remember loving maths. Everyone used to think I was a complete weirdo because 'come on, it's maths!' I've just always loved it.

The maths lessons were all trajectory and finance based, and yes, even shinobi need to learn the quadratic formula and the mid-ordinate rule. For some reason.

Anyway, after these three sitting lessons, we had a taijutsu lesson, where they taught us the Daikaen style, which roughly translates to First Flame.

I think they take the fire metaphor way too far in Konoha.

I love it.

We don't begin genjutsu until next year and shurikenjutsu until the year after that. We do throw things, but only stones and only at each other, kind of like dodgeball except, you know, with stones.

All in all, I'm having fun. The kids all seem to follow my lead here just like on the playground, and while I don't give them orders (that feels way too weird) they seem to follow my example. Consequently, Bunko-sensei has the Most Hardworking And Intelligent Class in the history of Konoha.

Really, there should be an award for this given all the praise she gets for 'somehow managing' to get this class to strive to be the best.

…taking my credit…I feel cheated…

Barring the unfairness of it all, the classes are not only enjoyable, they're also a brilliant way of assessing my peerage.

Unlike anyone else in my 'unique' situation, I don't have to hold back. I don't have to watch how fast I develop, or how to interact with kids 'my age' or work hard to avoid suspicion.

I'm an Uchiha, I'm childish and I'm adorable.

These three facts secure me in every way I could possibly mess up. No, the reason for assessing my peerage is not any of those, it's because two of them will definitely be on my team. I'm not planning on failing and, unlike peacetime, there's no such thing as dropping out if you don't think being a shinobi is for you. Also, two of them will be on Shisui-chan's team, and they're going to be some of the few that will protect Konoha from, not only epic-scaled invasions (the Suna-Oto invasion comes to mind) but also frighteningly OP battle sequences (Pein's obliteration and the subsequent 'Kyuubi on rampage' is a prominent example).

And so far, things are going pretty well. My class has a very slight, almost negligible amount of dick-measuring and bullying, mainly because I pummelled the first set of 'you have no parents' insults right from the beginning. I won't tolerate it happening in front of me and very little doesn't get noticed by me.

They're not scared of me. I know that much. I was worried about it once and I told Shisui-chan. He looked at me thoughtfully and pointed out that it's a valid concern.

"But I don't think you're scary. I think you're…" and then he blushed cutely and said, "awesome."

He always does that when he says awesome. I think he's embarrassed by how lame it sounds when it's not said with the right kind of enthusiasm.

The next thing I knew, the entire class came up to me one by one and gave me a sweet that either they made (Emiko-chan's sweet dumplings tasted like acid dipped in salted marshmallows and the civilian boy, Sato Isamu, has the hands of a food artisan. I think his family owns the sweet shop near Chūshin street) or they bought (basically, everyone else) and told me exactly why I was awesome.

I don't know how Shisui-chan managed it, but he's genuinely awesome. I mean, Hageshī used the words 'ebullient' and 'culpability' correctly. Who else could have possibly managed to make him do that?

But anyway, the reason nearly nothing gets past me is because I have Big Sister Senses and Shisui-chan, who might as well have eyes at the back of his head. He's like my right hand, and now it really does sound like I'm an evil overlord doesn't it? But I'm not, no matter what Teyaki-ji-san says!

Speaking of Teyaki-ji-san, he's getting married.

* * *

Otou-san was agreeable to the change.

"It's about time, Teyaki!"

"Thanks for that, Fugaku- _sama._ Your enthusiasm is most dignified."

"Oh not again! Look it was the one time and I was three sheets to the wind. You can't really hold that against me…right?"

"I have blackmail photos."

"…name your price."

"No embarrassing stuff about me in front of Uruchi-san."

"…until after you're married."

"I have the one where you wore that pink—"

"On second thoughts, you bring up a very valid point of contention and I will defer to your will on this matter."

"Heh."

"…she's a bad influence."

"Thank Kami-sama for that."

Otou-san is a lot more enthusiastic than what I'd seen in the manga, but I don't know whether he changed because of me or whether having more pressure, more years and a Sasuke was the cause of the change from 'sometimes playful, sometimes strict' to 'never playful, always strict'.

I'll reserve judgement.

But yeah, I'm helping Uruchi-san get ready in an hour (as much as a five year old can be trusted with 'these sorts of things'). Until then, Itachi-touto is being fussy.

"The obi is way too tight."

"That's only natural, Otouto. Any looser and your hakama will come undone."

"But it's uncomfortable."

"Are you dying of pain?"

"…no."

"So?"

"So I should suck it up and take it like an adult?"

"Yes."

I finally secured the top layer of his traditional kimono and then smiled because, wow he looked adorable. His hair, falling limply into his wide shining eyes, was swept back from the left side with an ornamental pin (with a sparrow design in deep cherry colour), the rest combed artistically messily to the right. His pouty face did not detract from the vision of cuteness in front of me.

I hugged him tightly and he let me, even hugged me back. I've trained him well.

Or rather, he's yet to get it into his head that being hugged by his elder sister is something to apparently be embarrassed about. I hope that day never comes.

My kimono was just as formal but the Uchiha crest was silver for mine whereas his was the traditional red and white, and I had more flowers in shades of green embroidered on mine. The outer layer for both were black, the inners were silver and the obi, for me lilac and Itachi-touto cerulean blue.

Okaa-san had painstakingly coiled, twirled and tamed my generally _not_ perfectly kempt hair (because, just like in my old life, I'd been in too much of a hurry in the mornings to be not-late for school to bother combing my hair, and they looked good messy anyway so what was the point when I came back home?) into a, if not elegant, then at least presentable bun with a few periwinkles attached with pins to the right side.

Okaa-san looked marvellous and Otou-san looked, well, like himself. He always wore traditional clothing anyway (but not quite so many layers) so he looked pretty much the same.

Except he was smiling.

I know where Sasuke got his small radiant smile from. Okaa-san smiles more like Itachi-touto does, bemused, tolerant and occasionally ecstatic. I smile like me, or as Okaa-san says, like Kushina-ba-chan.

Of course, I was grinning and Itachi-touto, being a good boy who was being uncharacteristically fussy earlier (he seldom ever is really), was smiling too; Teyaki-ji-san is our favourite uncle.

He is quite old, in his forties I think, and he was what people might call a permanent bachelor. Many said that the reason was because he couldn't bear to give up his secret senbei recipes and marriage meant he'd have to **share** (ooh the horror), and knowing Teyaki-ji-san, I agree with these rumours.

Also, he apparently has commitment issues, but that's really none of my business.

There, near the Naka shrine, was where a small marquee had been erected for the bride to get ready in/await her doom. The guests (i.e. the entire clan) were spilling out of the shrine, where the ceremony was to take place.

Okaa-san and I headed towards the white marquee and Itachi-touto with Otou-san holding his hand went to secure our place inside the shrine.

Uruchi-san wasn't very young, at all, but she still had a Proud Shroud™ surrounding her and her bearing alone made her respectable. She has greying hair, small eyes and very prominent cheekbones which become even more prominent when she smiles. Unlike most Uchiha, she wears dull shades of grey and brown on a regular basis and currently, she looks so very happy that her age doesn't show at all.

Her hair were loose around her shoulders and spilled onto the Uchiha crest embroidered on the upper back of her far-too-elaborate-to-ever-comprehend-bothering-with shiromuku (completely white, lots of thin silver belts holding all the pieces of silk together and an obi). She was painted white from head to foot, as per tradition in the noble clans, and her lips were painted a deep red.

She turned around as she heard us enter and looked especially pleased to see Okaa-san.

"If you would please tie my hair, Mikoto-sama."

"Of course, Uruchi-san."

Okaa-san is a dragon tamer. No, really, she is. She can tame anyone's hair, and mine might as well be individual dragons. Uruchi-san's straight hair were up in A Most Complicated Knot in a trice and, after Okaa-san helped her don her headpiece, she was ready.

Uruchi-san's parents died on a mission (during or before the war is anyone's guess and it's impolite to ask) so Okaa-san and Otou-san, as clan head and practically the in-laws, are filling in as her parents in the ceremony.

In this world, stand-ins happen far more commonly than a wedding without them.

Okaa-san then escorted Uruchi-san, exactly like during the rehearsal, into the Naka shrine as I trailed behind them. The crowd had already parted with Otou-san standing at the helm, ready to 'give away' the bride to her groom. It was a very short walk to Teyaki-ji-san and, after both men bowed to each other (during the rehearsal, we had to do it at least four times because one or the other started snickering at the sheer weirdness of being so formal with each other.), Uruchi-san and Teyaki-ji-san walked up to and kneeled down in front of the dais where a sculpture of the Dragon of Autumn, carved from obsidian and bejewelled with rubies, sat gazing fiercely at the congregation.

The Uchiha Virtues were recited by the couple in the dim lighting of the flickering candles, their voices echoing slightly and reverberating in our bodies. Itachi-touto leaned in closer to me and I held his hand.

The Dragon of Autumn is who the Uchiha clan credits for our victories in battle, our continued prosperity and the flames that we breathe. It serves as a conduit for the Great Flame, one of the five spirits that rule the Elemental Nations. It was like magic, the timbre of their voices seemingly taking on a spellbinding quality in the eighty years old shrine, where our ancestors had bound themselves to each other in the same manner they were doing today. A cycle of unity that is never broken, timeless and traditional.

There's no such thing as divorce in this world, because it never happens. Ever. So to get married is unequivocally forever and, when they died, their spirits would find each other in the afterlife.

Because they live so briefly and die so unexpectedly, shinobi are extremely romantic and uncannily sentimental.

It breaks them and mends them, and love burns and hatred corrodes precisely because they do so deeply and with all their hearts. Marriage is **never** taken lightly here.

As the chant came to an end, the last notes suspended in the hushed still air, they rose together and turned to face each other. Teyaki-ji-san removed Uruchi-san's headpiece and threw it up in the air above them. Otou-san breathed fire and it burned, the flames licking it and consuming it before it could hit the ground, the ash floating in the wind merrily.

The ruby eyes of the Dragon of Autumn glinted, the couple embraced and led the procession out of the shrine hand-in-hand.

It's nothing like any ceremony in our world, and it makes the whole thing so much more special.

* * *

Six months into my first year at the academy, a new student joined. He was an orphan refugee and, under normal circumstances, I would introduce myself and integrate him into the system as painlessly as possible.

As it stands, the boy's name is Kabuto, and he wears circular glasses, sports white hair and eventually goes on to reviving all the undead in the world, traumatising several characters and generally being a traitorous indecisive backstabber with no purpose in life. The last update I had of him was that Itachi and Sasuke somehow caught him in Izanagi or something. I don't know anything about him after that but I _do_ know that I hated his character even more than children-experimenter-and-Hokage-killer Orochimaru.

So no, I didn't bother trying to get to know him, barely glanced at him and ignored him.

My kunoichi classes were going well and Emiko-chan has found what she wants to do with her career; infiltration. She's a kid, Kami-sama, she's _just a kid_ , and I can't stop her.

It hurts sometimes, but I weather on because I'm an Uchiha with a mission and misplaced sentimentality isn't going to get me anywhere.

Flower arranging, collecting flowers, tea ceremonies, geisha dancing, flirting, small talk, secret languages—there's far too much that women have to learn in this world and let me tell you, I won't remember _any_ of this in another months' time.

I'd never known how to flirt in my old world; I was of the firm belief that sex comes after marriage and you only think about marriage when you're twenty-five and that there was no point even trying until then. No kissing, no holding hands, no crushes, no boyfriends, no hugging men in a not-platonic way, no nothing.

I just didn't.

It was going to be just that much harder for me in these classes because of that. I aced the tea ceremony though. The posture was simple compared to what Okaa-san put me through practically my whole new life and the movements were easy to copy once I'd seen it. No, no Sharingan, and at the rate I'm going, I'll probably never get it.

I just don't stress easily, I don't worry too much, and really, emotional trauma is something I suppress to the point where I don't even feel anything. So no, not going to get the Sharingan anytime soon.

I'm strangely okay with this. Also, I feel inadequate, but mostly this is a good thing.

I won't have to remember things I don't want to (I'd never had a good long term memory in my old life but apparently, that is _not_ the case here because, so far, it's exceptional), I won't have to worry about people stealing my eyes for my special powers and, if worst comes to worst, neither Itachi-touto nor Sasuke will be stealing them.

But that's a worst case scenario. I happened to like vision so I'm really working hard to ensure that the possibility of eye-stealing is put paid to. How well it's going is up for debate.

Our 'Story time for Brats' circle has now become a 'reading and studying' circle, and over at the playgrounds (both the Academy one and the one near the 'Uchiha District') we've begun training in earnest. I've been trying chakra control exercises and wondering if the rest of my cohort are any good, so I got Shisui-chan to rope them all into the 'Fun Game' of defying logic and vertically progressing across an uneven surface aka The Bark Of A Tree.

About a fourth of the class got it on their third try, a third managed it by their twenty-eighth, three (Shisui-chan, Kabuto and I) got it on our first try and the rest have been trying for over a week with limited progress.

When they accomplished this, and I explained to them what they'd done and majority were ecstatic (and Kabuto looked _very_ uncomfortable), we moved on to the pebble saturation exercise that took me weeks to even begin to manage.

Kabuto managed it on the first day. It doesn't matter that the rest of them still haven't managed it even a year later, it just makes me so mad that someone like _him_ could be better than me when all he'd ever use his talents for would be evilness and mimicry. And I'd spent forever and a day trying to get my pebble to glow and he'd managed it effortlessly.

When I ranted to Shisui-chan, he just told me that there would always be someone better than me.

And I know that, really I do. Itachi-touto's already catching up to me and has already surpassed me with shurikenjutsu and chakra control even though I had a two year head start, Shisui-chan nearly always beats me in our spars (even though my form is better than his, he's just instinctually better) and I'm okay with that. They're prodigies, but more than that, they're _good_ prodigies. Kabuto is decidedly not.

So I hated him even more. It wasn't just wounded pride (only about 32% of it really), I just genuinely couldn't stand him.

Right up until I realised that no one could stand him.

In the autumn of my second year at the Academy, the winds of change gently nudged us on. The forest surrounding our home became orange and red with streaks of green and smudges of brown and the sunsets became even more beautiful and picturesque. The war had rekindled and I began taking the advanced classes along with the Akimichi, Hyuuga, Inuzuka and Yamanaka in our year, and Kabuto and Shisui-chan.

Extra classes on weapon handling for all of us, advanced psychology for the Yamanaka, extreme Taijutsu for the Akimichi, Inuzuka and Hyuuga, and area-effect Genjutsu death-trap learning for Kabuto, Shisui-chan and I.

Is this favouritism for the clans? Yes, yes it is.

Was it fair? No, no it wasn't.

Did I care? Honestly, no. Equality and etcetera is for people different than I. Freedom, fraternity and whatnot wasn't something I was too bothered with, never had been. I lived in my own little bubble of happiness and if anything touched that, I would act but barring that, I just didn't care.

I'm of the passive category, the part of the population that things happen to, not the part that things happen because of.

I forgot that this was a different world. Most of the time, it didn't make a difference. But sometimes, I forgot how much influence I had over my peers.

It didn't happen to me, it happened _because of_ me: Kabuto had no friends, not a single one. No one talked to him, people avoided him, no one acknowledged his existence, the kids treated him like dirt, and they hid his things and dumped his shoes in the bin, ripped his books and hid his glasses, all because I didn't like him.

Mob mentality at its finest. My fault. I _changed_ his life, and not in a good way.

I made him miserable, wanting to hurt himself and not wanting to come to school. At first I thought he was just sickly with the number of times he just didn't show up for class. Then, when word got around that he was in pristine health I just thought he was being the classic example of a truant. But when I overheard the teachers talking one early October day, about how they might have to drop Kabuto out of the program because his future comrades would _never_ get along with him…

"A shame too, he was such a promising candidate."

"You know the rules Bunko-sensei, though I agree it is a shame. But if he can't manage his peers, he can't manage his enemy."

"True. I'll give him another week. If he can't manage to turn things around for himself, advanced class or not, he's leaving the ranks."

"I don't see how another week will change anything, but if you think it best…"

 _If Kabuto never became a shinobi_ , I thought as I walked into class and distractedly sat next to Shisui-chan, _then the Edo Tensei, and Orochimaru, and the sound four, and the Oto-Suna invasion…_

Everything would change. When Orochimaru lost his arms, Kabuto wouldn't heal them to a bearable condition. Heck, Orochimaru might never have known enough to invade Konoha if Kabuto hadn't been a spy. Orochimaru might have dead during the three-way Sannin battle at Tanzaku Gai and not had enough time to research Edo Tensei to make it workable for _anyone_ to use, least of all Tobito. So, Sasuke would never defect if Orochimaru was dead, Naruto wouldn't act like a lovelorn D-grade actress in a 'Romeo and Juliet Ninja Style!' spin-off and try to bring him back, and basically the entire plot would be null and void.

But…Hinata would have that heart problem she had after her fight with Neji if it weren't for Kabuto, Kimimaro (evil by association but still) wouldn't live long, Sakura might never actually get to the post-time skip phase of her character development and might stay useless forever, and there are undoubtedly a million and one things Tobito, Zetsu or Madara could substitute an army of the undead with, such as an army of the very-much-alive.

So with all these thoughts floating around in my head, I didn't manage to get anything out of the four hours we sat being lectured at. By the time we were released into the Wilderness, all the kids bidding a hasty retreat into the cooling breeze and piles of leaves floating lazily in the wind, I absentmindedly made my way to the scrawny git in questions' desk.

He was sitting hunched over a battered obento but as I came closer, I saw his muscles tense and I knew that even if he wasn't using his soulless eyes, he could see my every move. I still have very little idea of what possessed me to do so, and I still plead temporary insanity, but what I did then, no matter how much it pained me, was the right thing to do.

"Would you like to have lunch with us, Kabuto-san?"

He looked up at me with so much suspicion and burgeoning hope that I decided then and there never to let my preconceived ideas of people, no matter how accurate they were, to _ever_ affect the way I treated them. No six year old should be so happy at such a simple thing.

"Yes."

* * *

We became friends.

He was the first person I had to actively try to keep in touch with, and actively try not to strangle on sight because, preconceived notions to be disregarded or not, it was still slimy Kabuto whose face was supposed to be a face I considered friend.

It took a long while, nearly a year actually, to get everyone to get along with him, and I had never used my influence on everyone as much as I had then. I learned my limits then, and I knew that I wasn't their supreme overlord.

Well, I wasn't supreme overlord for all of them, but a fair few definitely did everything I told them to.

Like mould greening a piece of soggy bread, he grew on me. And no, Bunko-sensei's smug looks in my direction whenever I included Kabuto in anything did not escape my notice. I'd been thoroughly played.

Oh well.

"Akito-san, the grass is wet here."

"Stop complaining and sit down, buttmunch."

"I agree with Kabuto-san. Maybe we can eat indoors today?"

"Shisui-chan, when it rains during a mission, do you really think they're going to care that the ground is wet? No, so sit down. Think of it as practise."

"I'm not a shinobi yet. I'm sure I'll have plenty of wet days when I am to get used to it."

"Yes. I don't see why we have to subject ourselves to—"

"Sit. Down. Now."

And thus they sat. I have prevailed. Bossing six year olds around is therapeutic I tell you, therapeutic! Shisui-chan is glad he's got an ally in dealing with my apparent madness and Kabuto is insanely glad to have friends. I, on the other hand, have no reprieve whatsoever because, not only is the Uchiha massacre looming ever closer, but I'd also realised, during one of my intermittent Kunoichi Classes, that for four year old Itachi to have been affected by the war, he'd actually have to be _exposed to the war_.

My Big Sister Senses are going haywire.

* * *

OMAKE

Nohara Rin would never have expected herself to be involved with someone at such a young age (age 12 is really too young, her Okaa-san felt) but there she was, drinking tea and chatting away with her boyfriends' grandmother like it was the most natural thing in the world. They were, of course, a part of a traditional culture and so, beyond maybe a chaste kiss on the lips, the most they did was hold hands in public and go to places together where he paid if he ate more, and she paid if she did.

Obito-kun came back from his room and plopped down beside her, beginning an entirely different topic of conversation.

The way he casually leaned closer to her and the slight brush of his fingers against hers, the way he always listened to her opinion and actively sought it out even if she didn't give one, how he always _always_ knew when she'd had a hard or tiring or bad day and the way he always made her life easier for her, never pushed her for more than she could give and brightened up all her days, how he cleaned up her little apartment and watered her plants every day they were in the village while she was at the hospital even when she never asked him to...

Suddenly, she began crying. Obito-kun immediately turned to her and panicked. "Rin-chan! Is everything okay? What happened? Something at hospital? Did Kakashi say something to you?"

She shook her head and placed a calming hand on his, and he instantly quieted down, his brow furrowed and lips opening to make other guesses as to why she was crying.

She hugged him in front of his grandmother, pulled apart and then smiled at him, tears glistening on her face.

"I'm just really glad to be here with you."

She didn't deserve someone like Obito-kun, too bright and innocent and wise. She loved him so much.

"I'm glad to be here with you too." he said gently, sincerely happy.

He'd always had a crush on her, but she hadn't. Not until a one year old Akito-chan started calling her his wife and him her husband did she even think about him like that. When he asked her out, she said yes instinctively even though she'd never thought about dating _anyone_ , let alone Uchiha Obito, but she knew the minute he smiled at her with that special smile reserved just for her that she'd done the right thing, that she was destined to be with this awkward, sweet, _radiant_ boy and that he was fated to be hers till death pried them apart, and maybe not even then.

The red string of fate binding them together tightened with each passing day.

* * *

 _(A/N: *Oishi means delicious. Teyaki and Uruchi and Obito's grandmother aren't OC's by the way, they're completely canon. Sasuke, the day of the massacre. talked to them and Obito's grandmother was definitely mentioned somewhere. Everyone else you don't immediately recognize the name of? Probably OC's. You don't need to remember their names really, apart from Koki, Itachi's friend._

 _Shujin-sama is the title a traditional wife calls her husband, which is what Mikoto calls Fugaku. Sorry for the confusion. Please read and, if you could, review!)_

 ** _Edited 25/02/2017_**


	4. Perjurious Promises

_Last chapter:...not only was the Uchiha massacre looming ever closer, but I'd also realised, during one of my intermittent Kunoichi Classes, that for four year old Itachi to have been affected by the war, he'd actually have to be **exposed to the war**._

* * *

I have no clue how that happened, and I also have no idea how to stop it, or even if I should stop it, and it's been keeping me up at night because _my Itachi-touto_ will see **war**. Shisui-chan's been picking up on my mood lately and, on one of our Sunset Watching trips, he questioned my sanity. Again.

"It's nothing."

"Is this one of those female things you told me about?" he asked, scrunching up his eyebrows. "The one where the words being spoken don't correspond to what is actually being said?"

"No Shisui-chan, for once could you just let it go? Honestly, even if I told you, you'd just wonder about my sanity."

"I always wonder about your sanity,' He said loyally. I felt like punching him _very_ hard but I restrained myself. Kabuto has also noticed my worry, mainly because I snap at him more these days.

"Is everything alright?"

"No. Go. Away."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh…do you want to talk about it?"

"That's it! Sparring time four-eyes, you're going down!"

After which I proceeded to pummel him into the dust, feeling insanely happy and guilty at the same time. Abusing little peoples is bad, but it's Kabuto. I just can't seem to help it. For some reason though, no matter how much I 'spar' with him, snap at him or, on occasion, am just plain mean to him, he still sticks around. Always, like as if…actually, now that I think about it, aren't Shisui-chan and I like, his only friends?

What's that going to do to the plot line!?

And the worst of it is, since I absolutely reviled Kabuto, I never really cared much for his backstory. When did he join ROOT? Why did he join ROOT? When did he become a hebi-spy? Or a Sasori-spy? I know why he did, and what he did after the series started, but not a single clue as to what happened before that. What do I do?

The painful answer is: not much. I don't have enough backstory to work with and even if I did, Danzo is the slipperiest eel in the metaphorical ocean. The sheer amount of street cred he has is frightening. But…

Kabuto is my, gulp-grimace-twitch, _friend_. You go the distance for friends no matter how impossible it might seem. So, the things I can do to ensure he doesn't turn into, well, _that_ is by—

Wait, I have absolutely no idea. Okay, think Akito, think! There's got to be something your puny prepubescent self can do that isn't overly suspicious and/or damaging to the reputation you've built up. (and I'm not being selfish, my entire clans' _survival_ depends on the fact that, through me, they actually get positive representation in the public eye. Promise. Okaa-san said so.)

I could potentially lock him in the basement and shove food through a cat flap to keep him fed until the worst of it is over in, oh say, twenty years or so. I could join him in his ROOT-iness and bond with him using that. Both of these are long-winded approaches with a predicted success rate of about 10%. Maybe 20% if he's compliant in the beginning. Shove it up to 22% if he trusts me and isn't suspicious of any ulterior motives.

Yeah, and that isn't even factoring in all the inherent flaws of the two plans in the first place. The two most obvious being that I'm the clan head's daughter and claiming that I am so _totally_ over the whole 'Hokage-sama is the master of the universe and I heart him xoxo' and want ROOT-ing to be my new way of life is definitely not a viable recruitment motif, and that Konoha doesn't have any cat flaps; the cats are all shinobi and do not require such plebeian things like easy-to-access entrances and exits. Then again, considering even locked doors aren't deterrents to really determined assassins / well-meaning but utterly insane friends, I doubt a cat flap is such a good idea.

There's got to be something really simple that I'm missing. Ockham's razor this problem Akito, it _shouldn't_ be this difficult.

Simple plan #1: Kill him. Simple plan #2: Go back in time and kill him. Simple plan #3: Be his friend.

"I don't know about you, but I think plan number 3 sounds like the easiest, safest and most likely to work solution to this conundrum. I mean, it works for Naruto all the time, right? But then, he _is_ the protagonist…" I mumble to myself.

"I think plan 3 sounds good."

"Yeah, that's what I thought but—"

Woah, woah, woah, woah, wait. I turn around and see Itachi-touto snuggled comfortably beside me as I sit in deep contemplation on my bed. I look at him questioningly, wondering what he was doing here.

"I couldn't sleep."

I sigh quietly and smile at him. He sheepishly smiles back. His eyes are droopy and his cheeks are chubby, the beginnings of his defining tear-troughs barely visible in the light coming in from the moon. He looks at me expectantly and snuggles into my side closer, and I **melt**.

"Oh alright, come in then," I say, pulling the blankets out from underneath him and gesture for him to lie down. He does so, holding onto my sleeping hakama, and I gently tuck him into bed before snuggling next to him myself. I kiss him on the forehead, and he on my cheek and, still grabbing a fistful of my hakama, he drifts off to dreamland.

I love Itachi-touto.

I am privileged enough to know he loves me too.

* * *

So, game plan decided—befriend the ever-loving stuffing out of Kabuto to such an extent that he won't even think about joining the 'dark side'—and worry for Itachi-touto lessening as I realise that, hey, my Otouto may become more peace-loving and all-seeing at the price of his innocence, but he'll still be the little Otouto that snuggles into bed with me and listens to my wild and imaginative stories.

Lessening doesn't mean I've stopped worrying, but I have compartmentalised it so I won't be biting anyone's head off for the foreseeable future. Shisui-chan is very grateful.

"Thank the Great Dragon that you're back to normal Aki-senpai! You had us really worried there. I was half starting to think that this 'puberty' you keep referring to had come early!"

You see, there's this slight problem with mine and Shisui-chan's relationship in that, during our Sunset Watching and just general everyday stuff, he's the one I spend the second most amount of time with (Itachi-touto is number one) and unlike with Itachi-touto, I let my verbal guard down around him. Meaning, in short, that I crack jokes of the 'Where have the good old days gone whipper-snapper?' and 'puberty makes everyone just that bit less rational' and 'mid-life crisis' variety. Consequently, because he really is far too young to understand everything I say but he _is_ a genius, he simply understands the concept and then quotes me to me.

It's absolutely hilarious, and he always blushes cutely when he makes me laugh. So adorable!

Speaking of adorable, I've seen Obito-kun and Rin-chan around Konoha hand-in-hand buying groceries and being fluffy, arguing about silly things and blushing.

It's like a fanfiction, especially considering it defies all logic that they're this happy considering there is a _war_ going on, but I guess when you're in love disbelief must be suspended.

I've also seen Minato-sama around, usually with a dignified Kakashi trotting next to him like an uppity thoroughbred. I say hi and slam into him with a fierce hug every time I see him, and he always hugs me back and asks me how I've been, what Okaa-san's been up to, what new conundrum of the space-time continuum has caught Itachi-touto's interest and then politely enquires after my father's wellbeing and clan's prosperity, as is the proper thing to do. See, this is one of those subtle things that you'd blink and miss, but since I'm observant (meaning Otou-san extensively trained me to catch every detail or I'd 'really be sorry'), I know that it's impolite not to ask a clansman how their clan is, and rude to enquire about a clanless mans' family.

It's this subtle offending that sets the civilian-raised shinobi apart from the clan kids, and really, there isn't a manual out there that enumerates these little details because shinobi _don't know_ why civilian-raised don't 'use proper etiquette' and don't bother to find out and care. Some civilian-raised that are clued in actually actively hinder other civilian-raised shinobi from figuring out the little details, like as if it's a 'right of ascension' sort of thing.

But back to the point, Shisui-chan is really glad I'm back to normal, so much so that he roped Itachi-touto and Kabuto into baking me a cake. It was a disaster and a half and they were seriously lucky Okaa-san found the combusted stove and batter-spattered linoleum amusing. On another note, this is yet another classic example of bad parenting.

I haven't seen Kushina-ba-chan lately and I'm starting to miss her perpetually positive insanity and ramen obsession. So when I got home from school to see Itachi-touto working on his yet to improve kanji (I know for a fact that 'jin' isn't supposed to look like an upside down goat with a back problem) and Okaa-san whacking him on the head with her decorative fan, I enquired after my favourite godmother.

'She's your only godmother Akito-chan. Itachi-chan, if you curve it that tightly, it will look more like lumpy shrimp than anything even remotely legible.'

He looked away from his chalkboard in barely disguised childish disgust and then put the chalk down carefully before running to me and hugging me around my middle. I placed a hand on his back to squeeze him tightly and lift him off the ground. He giggled and wriggled, plopping to the floor like a graceful kitten.

"Welcome home, Aneki!"

"Tadaima, Itachi-touto," I grinned at him. Then I looked at Okaa-san and repeated my question. She sighed in exasperation and then muttered about irritating children and exactly what she'd like to do with them. I think being cooped up in the house while the rest of the village is preparing for Armageddon (or an invasion, whichever comes first) is starting to really get to her; she usually refrains from revealing her psychopathic tendencies to her youngest. I think, what with Itachi-touto actually acting like a kid and everything, she may subconsciously be responding to that innocence and trying to shield it.

Or, you know, the two hour lecture of a lifetime I gave my parents on the do's and don't's of child-rearing finally sunk in. They won't win Parent of the Year any time soon, but baby steps are better than nothing.

"She's currently on a mission, Akito-chan. You won't see her for a while."

So from that, I'm guessing that Kushina-ba-chan is either on a long term infiltration mission (unlikely given she's a jinchuuriki) or that Kushina-ba-chan has somehow alienated both Okaa-san and Minato-sama at the same time.

I really need to find her now…

* * *

School is going well and I'm rookie of the year. Trust me, that is nothing to be proud of. I mean, I dare you to be a twenty-four year old and _not_ ace exams set for six year olds. Granted, the physical aspect was a bit difficult, and Shisui-chan and Kabuto both got a higher score than me on that front, but really, I was not only an Uchiha but I also had _actual memory retention_.

I don't think you understand how big this is for me. In my old life, I literally forgot _everything_ two days after I learnt it, so cramming was the only way I actually managed to write my exams. Here, I could simply not study _at all_ and still manage to get one of the top 5 scores.

The power of the Uchiha mind is unfathomable.

Now here we come to the crux of my issues. You see, once I've compartmentalised something, unless something triggers it, I instantly forget it exists. It doesn't hover in the back of my mind incessantly and nag me. So is it any wonder that when it happened, I was completely and utterly unprepared for it?

No really, I was halfway across the village and playing kick-the-can with Shisui-chan and Kabuto.

Meanwhile, my Otouto was bleeding on the tatami mats in our dining room and watching our Noeki-baa-san lose the light in her eyes, spread-eagled on the kotatsu with a kunai sticking out of her eye socket.

I didn't know this at the time of course. I was yelling childish abuses at Kabuto and shoving him into the sand pit for being nit-picky at inopportune moments while Shisui-chan grinned from ear to ear, egging me on and telling Kabuto to "hang in there Megane-chama!"

We got home around three hours later, and the house was quiet. Still and silent; dead.

I will never forget that moment, because it truly felt like my world had ended and that there truly was no hope left in my world. The light in the dining room and hall were still on and the smell of fish that had been left uncovered for too long permeated the house.

I've hated the smell of fish since.

No one was home and I called for them, and all that was going through my mind was "did I cause the massacre before Sasuke was even born?" and "Itachi-touto!"

Ink brushes littered the floor as I walked into the dining room and I saw my Noeki-baa-san as still as a statue, her eyes glazed over and her mouth open in a silent cry for mercy. The wrinkles around her eyes spread like a web across her face and the deep furrows between her eyes seemed deeper, more sinister and plastic. She seemed translucent somehow, like she wasn't really there.

And then there was the blood. It traced her cheeks lovingly, trailing down to her chin and splattering the table with rust coloured speckles, as if each spot was a little poppy, red and rich and deadly.

It was like a freeze frame, and I screamed like I'd never screamed in either one of my lives. This was my home and my family wasn't there and I had absolutely no idea what to do with the _dead body lying on my_ _ **table**_.

Footfalls sounded and multiple someones burst in through the door, reaching me and blocking her face from my view. Futile really, because I'd seen what I'd seen and that wasn't what was bothering me. I'd seen dead bodies before.

I'd just never seen murdered ones.

Otou-san wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up, whispering to me to calm down because everything would be okay.

"Where's Otouto?" I whispered. He seemed to still for a moment before bluntly telling me he didn't know but that he was _definitely_ going to find out.

The search lasted less than half an hour, and I went all over Konoha trying to look for him, knowing it was futile. I knew he would see the war and there was no war within these strong, isolating walls. I didn't tell Otou-san because I kind of knew he knew that and just let me look because he knew I needed something to do. He didn't call one of my friends.

I was grateful. I would've broken their craniums if they'd bothered me in the half-panicked, half-blatantly angry with myself state I was in.

I knew it needed to happen. Or rather, it had happened without my intervention so I shouldn't feel guilty about causing it. When it comes to Itachi-touto though, my brain thinks logical thinking is for lesser mortals and promptly treats it like a particularly annoying cousin with the high-pitched nasally voice that no one really likes. Kind of like how Orochimaru treats his moral compass.

One of my several cousins, this one being short for the average male and sporting bunny teeth, walked briskly towards me and informed me as I smashed my fist against the log repeatedly that my Otouto had been located and was safely making his way to the Clan Head's house.

"Details, Fushi-san."

He looked at me uncomfortably, avoiding my eye. "I'm not at liberty to disclose that information, Akito-hime."

"Fushi-san."

He broke down and told me that they'd found him three miles outside of Konoha surrounded by severed limbs and heads in the heavy and cold dead arms of a Konoha-nin, lying perfectly still with his eyes glowing a Sharingan red, watching every little flicker of movement with cautious suspicion.

"Fugaku-sama retrieved him from the sight and followed protocol for the disposal of the bodies and then told me to go get you. That's all I know!" He looked relieved when I nodded and smiled at him slightly before walking past him toward my not-so-little abode, wondering at the fact that it still felt safe even though someone had attacked my Otouto in it.

He followed me at a steady pace as I marched down the streets and alleys, not stopping to greet anyone on the way, not daring to slow down until I saw with my own eyes that Itachi-touto was okay. Even though I knew logically that he would be.

I stepped into the house and instinctively went upstairs to my room, where I knew he would be.

And sure enough there he was, snuggled in my fluffy blanket and staring at the ceiling with the blank look of a warrior that had seen too much to bear.

"Itachi-touto," I said calmly, the tension leaving my body in a wave.

He startled and his eyes flicked to me before they just stayed there, watching my every move and expression as though he needed to see something, to prove to himself that nothing had changed and I would treat him the way I always had, that I wouldn't push him to do anything he didn't want to do.

It's sad that he came to me for this and not to our parents, but I guess that's understandable. I'm more his parent than they ever were.

I walked to him the way I usually do before hugging him tightly and gently humming a lullaby into his ear, rubbing his back as he stilled in my arms.

And then he let go, sniffling and hiccupping into my kimono with the abandon only a four year old can manage, but only a war veteran can feel unembarrassed about. My Otouto, no matter what the psyche evaluator said, was both.

"It was s-so s-scary…" he mumbled softly.

"I know Otouto, I know. It'll be okay."

"Promise?" he whispered.

"Promise."

* * *

"I heard about Itachi-chama."

"So you have."

Shisui-chan and I were sitting in the academy playground and watching the younger kids play shinobi tag from up a tree, our bento boxes in our laps and legs locked around the branch. Kabuto was running late because he was to stay back for making it to the academy late. He has yet to tell us why.

"What happened Aki-senpai?"

"I thought you already knew."

"You always know more. You glare people into submission and eternal servitude, so they always give you details," he said teasingly.

I smiled slightly at this and then stuffed a prawn into my mouth with as much grace and poise as a landed trout. He turned to me as a little boy shrieked loudly and tripped a girl, his eyes silently asking me to spill my guts.

"Otouto's fine. He still has nightmares and sometimes his Sharingan activates when he doesn't mean it to, but he's doing amazingly for a five year old that should by all accounts have become a psychotic vegetable."

Shisui-chan hummed in contemplation before shovelling the rice from the box directly into his awaiting mouth. Absolutely disgusting, but really, we've known each other practically our whole lives and decorum was one of the first things we forewent.

"How're you?" he asked after partially swallowing.

"I'm fine, Shisui-chan."

And I was. My anger had melted away sometime last night when Okaa-san finally came back from her mission and announced that, due to the 'incident', she was permanently leaving the Jounin Corps so she could spend more time with us. Otou-san had absolutely no idea how to deal with Itachi-touto, who wasn't showing any of the classic signs of normal post-traumatic behaviour, and between school and preventing inevitable mass genocide by keeping up with the three thousand or so people I see on a weekly basis (not counting extended family of course) I just didn't have as much time as I would've liked to spend with Itachi-touto.

But he doesn't seem to mind. He has become exceptionally clingy in the least obtrusive and annoying way possible, following me around just like he used to do when he was a year old, silently watching me interact with people, coming to the academy to pick me up when I stayed too late, clutching my kimono with a tiny fist that really is too small for a mass murderer that he became in another life. He seems to feel as though someone will jump out of the shadows and swallow him, just like they presumably had when he'd been kidnapped.

He no longer bothers with the pretence of going to his room to sleep. He now just crawls into my bed without preamble, sometimes before I even make it upstairs myself. With Okaa-san here though, he seems less on edge when I'm not around, less cautious. Otou-san is brilliant, but he doesn't seem to get that Itachi-touto just doesn't _want_ to continue with his training at the moment. I try to negate as much tension as possible because I understand where my little Otouto is coming from, something Otou-san just inherently doesn't get no matter how many times it's explained to him.

My Otouto doesn't want to be a murderer.

"Aneki?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are we the bad guys?"

"How do you mean?"

He rolls over and his dark eyes shine in the moonlight. "We kill innocent people for a living."

I slowly processed this. "No, Otouto. We kill because they will kill us and our innocents if we don't kill theirs. It isn't pretty, it isn't nice or right, but it's the only thing we can do to make sure those we love stay alive."

I kiss his little forehead. "Maybe one day there will be another way. But not today."

He closed his eyes and I thought he'd fallen asleep. "Someday though, right?"

"Yes, Otouto, someday."

He'll come around, I know he will because Itachi-touto is too talented for Konoha to allow him not to be a shinobi.

Kabuto finally escaped the clutches of Bunko-sensei and we shimmied up the branch to allow him room.

"What's on your mind, Megane-chama?' Shisui-chan swallowed the rest of his mouthful, content with my answer and not pressing for more. He's awesome like that.

Kabuto pushed his round glasses up his nose before going a little pink in the face and attempting to melt into the bark. A valiant attempt to be sure, but it didn't quite work, what with him being decidedly human and everything.

"My foster mother has asked me to invite you to the fundraiser at the orphanage in four days' time."

He then looked at our expressions (mine contemplating and Shisui-chan's like a drugged zebra) and hastily added, "but you don't have to come! It's totally optional! It's just that Nonou-san wants to meet you two because…"

"Because what, Kabuto?"

He blushed a brighter shade of pink and then mumbled, "because you're my first friends."

I was going through all sorts of feels at that moment.

"Of course we'll come."

"Sure, sounds like fun!"

He visibly relaxed and stopped trembling, his smile threatening to split his face in half. "I'm looking forward to it."

Shisui-chan and I exchanged a glance that transferred a million and one thoughts to the other. Then, simultaneously, we bit into our shrimps and began munching on them like the six year olds we were.

Kabuto just sighed in fond exasperation and then opened his own bento.

We ate perched on the oak tree on the grounds of the academy, where a swing would be attached someday and Naruto would sit on it and act like an emo punk for uninspired plot advancement. For now though, we just sat in comfortable silence, watching loud boy yell at timid girl and spunky girl bite shy boy on the arm and the sensei trying to control the Inuzuka bratlings trying to get their dogs to eat the cardboard bones they'd spent most of lunchtime making.

The joys of being idiotic five year olds with no direction in life…I miss it already.

* * *

It was just any other day when a hawk landed on the kitchen window sill. Otou-san and I were having a brilliant discussion on the proper definition of chakra and whether nature transformations could be manipulated equally easily by non-specialists if their Will to accomplish it was strong enough, considering the fact that chakra was currently defined as a mixture of physical and _spiritual_.

Itachi-touto was listening with rapt attention as we went back and forth on this debate, getting increasingly passionate and excited the longer we went on.

Even though they suck at parenting, my Otou-san and Okaa-san are brilliant people and they love us. We were dysfunctional as a family unit, but not as a _family_.

I finally understand that now.

Okaa-san took the message form the hawk and gracefully made her way to the table with it, placing it in front of Otou-san who was listening to me while eating his rice and egg.

He put the bowl down and motioned for me to hush as he saw that the message was urgent. He unsealed it and read it quickly, his eyes darting across the page.

He unsteadily furled the scroll and then looked at me with apprehension. Clearly the news was for me and he didn't know quite how to break it to a six year old without causing a potential melt down. Sweet gesture, but I think I am mentally older than him, so it was unnecessary.

I held out my hand with a look of expectation and, just like he had done when Okaa-san's water broke four years ago, he deferred to my judgement, better or otherwise.

The memory of the words inked on that page still cling to me, and I was so happy that I let out a whoop of joy.

My Otou-san looked at me with shock and barely suppressed confusion.

"What are you so happy about, Akito-chan?"

I grinned and held the scroll out to her, and as she read it she paled and looked at me like I had lost my mind and…

Oh Kami-sama, I really do look like I've lost my mind…

"One of your friends is in hospital suffering from suspected permanent paralysis, and you're…happy about this?" she asked uncertainly.

Itachi-touto looked on with no judgement in his eyes, knowing and believing without even the slightest trace of doubt that I had my reasons, and they were sound ones.

"You don't understand Okaa-san," I breathed happily, smiling brightly and laughing ecstatically. "Obito-kun didn't die!"

He'd been on the Kannabi bridge mission, and he was alive. Team Minato had made it home, if not in one piece, then at least with all members accounted for.

I had changed that.

I had changed everything. My mind suddenly stilled.

What?

Okaa-san and Otou-san seemed to stop worrying for my sanity, saw it my way and took it in stride, Otou-san even looking at me with approval over my mature outlook on it.

We went to the hospital to visit him, all five of us (we picked up Obito-kun's grandmother on the way) making our way to the building that still smelled like antiseptic and bleach, still had far too many injured lying on beds in the front lobby and just like last time Okaa-san forgot (or just plain didn't _know_ ) that little children weren't supposed to see gore on that level.

Even if Itachi-touto had already seen worse before. It still wasn't acceptable.

I walked between the moaning and bloodless faces, trying to stop him from seeing too much. His face was already paling, and considering our family has the complexion the shade of a penguins' belly, that's saying something. He unconsciously moved in closer to me, using me as a meat shield.

We climbed the stairs and I walked with confidence, knowing exactly where I was going because of the interminable number of times I'd happily wandered into this illustrious Centre of all things mutilating, infectious and Green Warmth-y, where dwelled the dying, recovering, happy, sad and, more often than not, psychotic. A hospital was a place where you became human, stripped down to the barest you with no way to hide what you'd been through and why your body had had enough.

We made it all the way to room 21 before a medic stopped us and questioned our presence. Security is terrible. It's absolutely no surprise that Gaara broke in with apparent ease to 'do the deed' with Lee, and by deed I mean murder, with absolutely no sexual implications whatsoever.

...Fanfiction has ruined my mind.

Obito-kun's grandmother pushed the door open with the decorum of an Uchiha, and then promptly engulfed her charge into a pythonesque hug, her knuckles going white with how tightly she was holding him.

He didn't, _couldn't_ , hug her back but when I got a good look of his brutalised face, his right side basically a mishmash of white and red flesh and pink and pale skin, he looked happy.

He was fourteen years old.

He wasn't Madara's stooge, but I guess I hadn't stopped to think _why_ that had changed, or what would happen if he wasn't.

"Alright there, Aki-hime?" he managed to say between his freshly sown lips. I could see the faint traces of the sutures.

He looked worried, like as if I'd let his horrendously disfigured face get in the way of my friendship with him, the Bringer of Sweets and my favourite babysitter.

Silly boy. Doesn't he know he's stuck with me for life?

"You're the one who needs to be asked that. But since you asked, I have yet to be eaten by the cookie monster, and Chicken Little is still keeping an eye on the sky for me and I haven't heard from him yet, so I think I'm stellar for this week. Got any plans?"

He smiled, and it looked painful. I knew he smiled just for me.

Everyone else? They'd grown used to the fact that I made little to no sense. That didn't stop Obito-kun's grandmother from giving me a thoroughly weirded out look though, or Itachi-touto from smiling as if he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Nothing. Just chilling in the hospital you know, watching paint dry and sleeping all day long," he tried to grin, and marginally succeeded. Obito-kun's grandmother choked on a sob and then all of Obito-kun's attention was focussed on her. Not that any of us minded, she had first dibs and my parents had only come for formality's sake more than anything else.

On a slightly unrelated note, I was fairly certain Itachi-touto had somehow figured out the entire English language just from me talking to him when he was a baby. I have yet to test this hypothesis, but it would explain how he knew the story of Hercules well enough to tell Koki the entire thing, complete with sound effects that were delivered in his solemn stoic way. Priceless to watch, but a bit worrying when thinking about the implications of that, considering I told him that particular story when he was barely two.

Well, my Otouto _is_ a genius.

No, the pride I feel is completely justified. I'm allowed to brag about him to anyone I please.

I'm his big sister after all.

* * *

OMAKE

Namikaze Minato felt like a failure as he saw his rambunctious student gasping for breath through his damaged lips and squashed nostrils, lying on a hospital bed that made him seem a lot smaller than he was.

It was all his fault really. He'd split up from his team, going to aid the forces fighting at the Suna border while his three misfits traversed the dodgy terrain to reach Kannabi bridge and then destroy it. Kakashi had looked slightly homicidal at being put with his lovebird teammates (who he claimed were just as bird-brained as the aforementioned creatures), but had agreed because, whatever flaws they had as human beings (didn't you know they weren't following protocol _at all_ with how **emotional** they were acting?), they were a strong duo and together they were a strong team.

He was slightly grateful that the two people he'd selected to round off his team were a lot less insecure and hormonal than he'd anticipated, their momentary lapses into silent soulful-gazing preventing them from noticing just how prickly Kakashi was, not that Obito hadn't noticed of course, and Rin had most definitely seen it but chosen not to comment on it. But the fact was that _Kakashi_ thought they hadn't noticed and so he didn't push them away nearly as much as he would have had there been not only the rivalry between the two males (which there was plenty of to go around) but also an unbelievably awkward love triangle too, something Kakashi would never condone because he would have thought that those two things alone would never have been enough of a distraction for people not to notice his anti-social tendencies.

They hadn't completely warmed up to each other, but Kakashi knew how much Obito loved Rin and vice versa. He respected that, and Kakashi sort of twistedly understood it too, no matter how much he denied it.

So when Rin had been captured, Obito had made to follow them and Kakashi had only hesitated a split second before he followed his teammate (let's face it, his record would be tarnished permanently if he'd completed his first mission with a 100% casualty rate and besides, the job required a minimum of two people to accomplish anyway).

They'd saved Rin, Kakashi had lost an eye and Obito was most likely permanently crippled from the avalanche of falling rocks.

On the plus side, their teamwork was absolutely stellar. On the downside, with Obito out of commission and Kakashi hindered enough without an eye that he needed proper retraining, they wouldn't be Team Minato for long.

The sounds of approaching footsteps declared the imminent arrival of Obito's family, and so Minato tapped Rin on the shoulder as she tightly held Obito's hand and didn't say a word, signalling for Kakashi to leave and telling Rin that they would be back later.

She left him, and then Obito's grandmother burst through the door.

Namikaze Minato blamed himself. But he knew Kakashi blamed himself more. His silver-haired student was wondering whether he'd done the right thing, not continuing the mission and going after Obito. Maybe if he'd stopped Obito, his loud teammate wouldn't have been rushed into a surgery that lasted six hours. Then Obito wouldn't have been anywhere near that rockslide and would still have a shinobi career.

Ah the irony of what ifs.

* * *

 _Shorter than last chapter, and definitely a lot darker. Sorry about that...Please review and favourite! Thank you for the support so far! ^^ (Fixed some issues with the chapter.)_

 ** _Edited 25/02/2017_**


	5. Destructive Dominoes

**' _I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time.' – Sixpence None the Richer (Waiting on Sunshine)_**

* * *

Shisui-chan and I, with Itachi-touto and his little friend Koki tagging along, went to the Orphanage Fundraiser that Kabuto had invited us to.

I didn't really know what to expect. I hadn't used to live in a country that was big on fundraisers and charity so it was a complete unknown to me. Shisui-chan and I had, of course, during one of our wanderings seen the Orphanage, so we knew our way there.

It was a weary looking building with a blue-painted roof and wooden walls, with steps leading up to the wooden doors. Scuff marks and old dents decorated the doors and the outer forests surrounded the long building.

Children were milling around, carrying boxes or baskets filled with clothes and old toys into the building and bringing food out.

We headed to the right, where most of the foot traffic seemed to originate. Other well-dressed civilians and curious off-duty shinobi weaved around makeshift stalls arranged neatly in two rows manned by children between the ages of five and fifteen, their wares displayed in a less-than-organised state.

Among the bobbing heads and the selling that was going on, a white-haired ponytail was spotted by Itachi-touto and, his hand in mine, we seamlessly rippled through the crowd.

Okay, that's a complete lie. Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto managed, but Koki and I? Failed miserably. I kept accidentally brushing against people and apologising profusely (even though Okaa-san has time and time again reiterated that I should only apologise to those higher than my station. See, this is why people think we're stuffy peacocks that don't know when we do something wrong. We do know, we've just been indoctrinated to act like self-righteous twats about it.) I mean, Koki isn't training to be a shinobi so it's alright for him but where's my convenient excuse?

I guess it didn't help that everyone I brushed against stopped me to have a conversation, considering I know nearly everyone present by first name. Itachi-touto patiently waited by my side and, by the time we'd pushed through the throng (and I'd greeted, exchanged pleasantries and been invited and declined invitations to nine different households for dinner) Shisui-chan and Koki had already snared Kabuto in their grip. No, literally.

"Shisui-chan," I began. "When I said we must grab Kabuto, I meant his attention."

He grinned easily. "You know that everything said goes in one ear and out the other, Aki-senpai. Besides, I felt this was more appropriate."

"How exactly is this _more_ appropriate?" Kabuto asked irritably from three inches off the ground in Shisui-chan's tight grip.

"Well, I meant to use a combination of tripwire, feathers, a blow torch and silly string, but I figured it was a bit overkill," he said with a perfectly serious face.

I laughed and Kabuto just looked at the both of us with fond exasperation. That's his default expression for us. Itachi-touto bowed to Kabuto and Koki soon followed suit. He bowed back awkwardly, wriggling in Shisui-chan's grip.

"Put him down, Shisui-chan." He complied with a pout on his face. Then he asked Kabuto what we were to do to help.

He placed a finger on his mouth before turning to me.

"Akito, you have some medic knowledge, right?"

I nodded confusedly.

"Why?"

The thing about our relationship is that we just bypassed the honorific stage. It's mainly my fault really, considering I didn't call him with any the first few times, and by then it was too late to pass it off as his wild imagination. When he called me just Akito, I figured it was fair enough because I was never going to manage to call him Kabuto-chan or Kabuto-san without feeling weird.

"The Orphanage acts as a makeshift medical centre for the overflow from the hospital," he explained, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. It annoyed me, so I slapped his face.

He grimaced just like he always does after I slap him for that habit. I didn't have anything against anyone else doing it, but for Kabuto that habit always reminded me of evil Kabuto and that was just, no.

He brushed it off and continued, placing his hands in his pockets lest he do it again and be smacked again. 'So Nonou-san, being the previous head of the Medical Corps, has trained some of us in rudimentary iryoninjutsu so that we can help out. I thought,' and his voice became shy, his introvertedness coming out, you know, the shyness that I'd never expected of him which had made me rethink everything I knew and was willing to do about him. 'that you'd like to help out with that while Shisui-kun helped Kanpu-san with the organisation. That is, if you don't mind.'

He was looking at the floor, looking so flustered that it was seriously hard to believe that he would become a delusional instigator of mass Edo Tensei induced mental trauma.

"That sounds like fun," I said smiling.

"Who's Kanpu-san?" Shisui-chan questioned, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked around for the, I'm assuming, caretaker of the place.

"He's one of the caretakers here," Kabuto said, looking relieved. "He's inside. I'll take you to him."

We nodded, and then I asked, "What about Itachi-touto and Koki-chan?"

He thought for a second before replying with, "they can do whatever they want to do."

It was decided that Itachi-touto and Koki would help out with the sorting of the items that had been donated to the orphanage for the fundraiser.

Our little pack walked into the building, sidestepping various little munchkins that were passingly familiar to me. I must have seen them in the playgrounds and played a few games with them. I greeted them whenever they didn't look too busy even if I didn't remember their names and they greeted me back.

Being this social is _hard work_. But I keep reminding myself that every single persons' opinion I change is one less hostile against the Uchiha clan, and just that one fraction of a tenth reduction in the chances of the massacre occurring. I was popular enough in my old life, but this was on a whole other level really.

We stopped in front of a man with grey hair, a beard-moustache and glasses wearing a black kimono with white trimmings and a white apron, just like a portly woman with 'chubby' features down the corridor, who was overseeing the children that were sorting the donations into different boxes.

"Kanpu-san? These are some volunteers that Mother wanted me to bring. They were wondering what they could help with."

He kindly peered at us and then said, "Ah, you must be Kabuto-chan's friends. It is very nice to meet you."

I inclined my head just _so_ like Okaa-san had taught me to do, Shisui-chan and Koki bowed and Itachi-touto smiled and inclined his head like Otou-san had taught _him_.

"Likewise Kanpu-san," I said with a wide smile. He smiled back and then asked us what we would like to do. We told him and then we were put to work. Kabuto took me to the back rooms while the four year olds got to work sorting the donations and Shisui-chan was sent out to the stalls to collect the money, bring it back to Kanpu-san and take the newly sorted wares to be displayed outside.

We passed several rooms in comfortable silence and then, turning a corner, we happened upon a room with several stretchers and makeshift beds scattered haphazardly, industrious children and caretakers buzzing around. Green chakra hummed in the air and I had the inexplicable urge to break into song.

A woman with honey blonde hair and green eyes turned towards us, her nun outfit bellowing behind her and the light from the window glinting on her rectangular glasses.

The resemblance between Kabuto and her was uncanny. And I _know_ he's an orphan, so this is just confusing me even more.

I _really_ wish I'd paid attention to Kabuto's backstory now. I mean, he calls her Mother (pronounced Ma-za), and if that doesn't mean something, I don't know what does.

Her voice was soothing as she said, "You must be the Uchiha Akito I've heard so much about."

She smiled pleasantly and I grinned back at her. "Yup! It's a pleasure to meet you. Kabuto has told us absolutely nothing about you!"

Kabuto flushed a bright red as she teasingly said, "Is that so? My, I didn't know you were embarrassed by us, Kabuto-chan."

"It's not that!" he said hastily, "Really. It just never came up."

Which, alright, fair enough. Family never did come up, mostly because Shisui-chan and I had the same one (even though there was quite a distant between us on the family tree) and we were both intelligent and un-self-indulgent enough to know that it couldn't have been easy for Kabuto to have grown up without them.

Chuckling good-naturedly at Kabuto, usually unflappable, trying his level best to camouflage himself amongst a barrel of tomatoes (his face was that red), she then introduced herself as Yakushi Nonou.

"Wait, what?"

I think I was gaping like a fish, but I was too busy thinking _YAKUSHI?!_ Wasn't that Kabuto's last name? Come to think of it, he's an orphan. She must have given her name to him in the first place to even have a last name to begin with.

Also, now that I actually bother to go over the last couple of years, never once has the name Yakushi been said at the academy, not even the rowdy boys that only refer to others with their last names like as if they're auditioning for a role in _Gangsters II: Return of Sheer Idiocy and Bad Puns_.

So here's another thing I've just assumed about Kabuto without thinking it over.

Wow am I a terrible friend.

"Akito-san? How familiar are you with first aid?"

"I can do the basics, identify most symptoms for virus and bacterial infectious and non-infectious illnesses, bandage wounds, apply appropriate salves, suturing, injectioning…"

She looked impressed and I guess it kind of is for a seven year old, but really, need I remind you how much I am _not_? It isn't really all that impressive considering I've spent the last four years sneaking, wandering and generally being a nuisance to Hagane-sensei at the hospital in a vague attempt to learn iryoninjutsu, which I still haven't accomplished.

On the plus side, I know all the inner workings of the hospital and the way they manage patients.

I am so going to be a medic, no matter _what_ anyone tells me.

"That's really impressive, Akito-san. Kabuto is learning the basics of chakra manipulation, and if you're really interested I am always willing to take on another potential medic on as a student."

Her kindly smile and general niceness was freaking me out.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't her. It was just that she looked _so much_ like the Kabuto while he's being repossessed by an Orochimaru that I can't help but want to cringe and walk away slowly.

"I'll have to ask Okaa-san, but thank you for the offer, Nonou-san." And then, smiling brightly and a tad manically, I asked her where I should begin and what I should be doing.

"There are a couple of patch up jobs, just some splints and tourniquets. You can handle those, right sweetie?" she said, already moving towards the supply table and giving me a pile of alcohol swabs, rolls of gauze and pieces of wood to act as braces. She also gave me duct tape, so I'm assuming improvisation was required.

And that makes sense. This _is_ an orphanage, and the fundraiser proves that they're coming down on hard times. Medical equipment is expensive, even after subtracting the discount on bulk buying.

I nodded, hoping to look as competent as possible so she wouldn't worry about me (she looked relieved that she had an extra pair of hands so I'm assuming it worked brilliantly. Now to actually rise to the expectations…). She told me to call her if I had difficulty with anything and, asking Kabuto to help her with an amputation one of the patients required, she left me to fend for myself.

You know, automail would be an amazingly popular commodity, what with the number of amputees in the shinobi world. Pity this isn't Amestris.

Talking with the patients, discussing their lives in the hopes of distracting them from the obvious pain, wondering why no one had invented anaesthetics yet (or rather, since I knew there were poisons used to numb senses, why they weren't being used medically), industriously flitting around and helping the other medics in any way I can (just like I do at the hospital whenever I go 'visit' (read: re-enact the Spanish inquisition) Hagane-sensei and/or Rin-chan), splinting and bandaging all sorts of gruesome and messy wounds, it's with actual shock that I realised that apparently, all those hours and years of awareness training with Bunko-sensei and Okaa-san actually paid off.

Somewhere during the time there were only a couple of patients left to deal with and I was trying (highly unsuccessfully) to talk this one shinobi out of imitating an upended turtle, Shisui-chan had stopped by to tell me that he had to finish that history essay we'd been set and that he'd take Itachi-touto and Koki with him because the fundraising was starting to peter out. I'd nodded and then promptly gone back to work.

I noticed, as I finished duct taping this 24 year old's rib bandaging, that Kabuto was skulking away. It was my last patient and there were only the bedridden (or rather, stretcher-ridden) left in the room and the time was decidedly _not_ early. In fact, it was around curfew time for the orphanage and Otou-san was going to have a fit when he noticed I wasn't home.

I looked around and realised that Nonou-san was missing too. So naturally, being the decidedly sensible girl I am, I snuck behind Kabuto to figure out what undoubtedly shady deeds he was committing, and whether there were any free cookies for joining the dark side.

He didn't notice me mainly because my sneaky-sneaky skills had been tried and tested against Itachi-touto's inhuman awareness and light-sleeping in the middle of the night as I try to go downstairs to get water.

Even when he's in his room, he still _knows_.

Pff, prodigies.

Itachi-touto has started sleeping in his own room recently, and while I miss my little warm water bottle and readymade teddy bear, it's a good sign to show that he's recovering. I'm glad. I hate when he wakes me up at night with his silent crying and trembling—it makes me feel so useless. Also, it makes me feel _really_ guilty when I sleep-mumble to him to go back to sleep whenever he walks into my room and asks me to tell him a story or sing a lullaby to get him back to dreamland. He then whimpers and I lift my blankets unconsciously, silently volunteering half my bad to the cause.

Kabuto stood still outside an ordinary looking room, the door firmly shut and chips on the wood pretty evident. He leaned into the door quietly and, even from where I was standing I could hear Nonou-san's frantic voice, cold as steel and desperate. I couldn't make out what she was saying, or to whom for that matter, but what I could see was Kabuto and his facial cues.

I've gotten really good at reading those, considering stoicism is one of the delightful freebies you get when you go to the store to buy yourself your very own Uchihabot, complete with fifty different versions of 'hn' and a bonus condescending laughter feature.

He looked shocked first, then he was suppressing anger, and then he got that determined look on his face that says 'look at me, I'm going to do something absolutely retarded and not even Shinigami-sama can stop me!'

Brilliant, just brilliant. And here I thought Kabuto was the saner of the people I associated myself with. Stupid Akito, when will you learn? There's no such thing as sanity in Konoha. They're all reckless idiots.

He started quietly inching his way into a conveniently located ventilation shaft, crawling on his hands and knees.

I followed him, but since this was in fact a ventilation shaft, the fact that he didn't notice me means he was definitely slacking off on the awareness department. Because I wasn't trying to be overly sneaky, I moved towards him, plopping down next to him as he listened through the totally-not-noticeable-but-so-totally-noticeable partly displaced vent. When he saw me, he almost squealed but managed to stop himself.

I mimed to him to get back to eavesdropping and he happily complied. A gruff voice with a shadowed fire burning in it was speaking in a chillingly calm voice.

"…lost a subordinate obtaining this intel. I'll be taking one of the children here to replace him," he said, as if he was talking about exchanging phone numbers.

"How far will you go? I said I'd accept the mission!" Nonou-san's voice rang with fury and despair.

"That's another matter entirely. Your mission shall cover subsequent payments. But this current one is in the exchange for a child." The amount of sense this new voice made was so non-existent he's in the negative IQ range. Either that or I don't have any context.

The shadow-fire voice began again, with a carefully calculated carelessly light voice, "Some children actually want to become shinobi after all. You should ask them to choose for themselves." And then he paused meaningfully before saying, "There may just be one such child."

Scrapings of chairs on the wooden floor were heard as people got up after a few more heated words were exchanged and then the lights were switched off. It was dark in the little space we were in. Kabuto looked shaken and, really, I don't blame him.

I don't know who that voice was but I do know that they were just casually discussing the exchange of prepubescent children and that Nonou-san had been paid to sell one of her kids.

Also, Nonou-san is apparently a kunoichi.

"Are you okay, Kabuto?"

He continued staring blankly ahead of him. "No."

"Okay."

So we sat there until my knees cramped and Kabuto cracked his neck, it being stiff from the static position it had been in for the last half hour.

He breathed, and then crawled out of the shaft and, like the gentleman that no one had ever raised him to be, he walked me to the Orphanage entrance.

"Do you think you'll get into trouble for being out so late?" he asked, looking slightly worried. This was a huge improvement from the vapid face he'd been sporting that I smiled brightly and laughed a little laugh.

"I'll be fine."

Then I hugged him, and he stiffened in shock. Words of advice needed to be given, I knew that, but I had no idea what to say. The moon was huge and shining with all its force upon us, and Kabuto's eyes were suspiciously shiny.

I then thought, you know what, wing this Akito, wing it like a chicken in an American-sized KFC bucket.

"You don't have to be it you know. Nonou-san will think of something."

"But we're short on money and…and this way I'll be able to earn enough that they won't have to pay for me," he mumbled into my kimono.

"And besides," he smiled weakly, rubbing his eyes with slight embarrassment. "I'm already in the programme. Working for Danzou-sama shouldn't be all that different from being a career genin, right?"

Let me stop and explain what career genin means. You see, there are certain individuals during war time that have über skills and then there are those that…don't. The ones that don't can't be kicked out of the shinobi programme because the taxpayers have paid for their education and so they need to contribute.

War time is different from peace time in that, when you sign up for the academy, you basically sell your soul to the state. Even if, by the end of your training, you're not cut out for it, you _have_ to pick a corps to belong to.

Kabuto was going to join the medic corps, where he would gain the necessary qualifications to work as a caretaker at the orphanage. In one of the rare moments where we actually talked about what we were doing with our lives and I was working out the recipe for cheeseballs in my head, Kabuto had said that that was his game plan. No frontline fighting, no spying and no political intrigues.

Just working at the hospital till the war was over or simmered down and then set up as a caretaker at the only place he'd ever called home till the day he died.

And then, now that everyone's caught up, can I just take a moment to say 'DANZOU!? SINCE WHEN!?' I really should have paid attention to Kabuto's backstory, because this? This sucks.

There are actual legitimate reasons for him to join ROOT and none of them are reasons I can fault him for. I'm also fairly certain that the shadowy-fire voice had threatened the funds the nation and Konoha gave the orphanage, so unless the Orphanage decided to moonlight as a brothel in canon, it would shut down unless Kabuto joined ROOT.

Problem is, I don't know what the consequences of this is. If I knew, this would be a brick-tonne load easier. Also, slightly unrelated, but how does Nonou-san give Kabuto her last name? When does she do that?

…Is it even her that does?

I look at Kabuto meaningfully in the eyes, and his shone right back at me with childish determination. "Whatever you do, I'll always be your friend."

And as he flushed in embarrassment and when I left after kissing him on the forehead, I could feel his eyes on me.

He watched me until I faded out of view.

On a side note, Otou-san asked me what time I called this. I said, "2200 hours, give or take a few minutes sir!"

He shook his head in exasperation and told me to go to sleep so that I would maybe manage not to be late to school. I told him that he was asking for miracles.

He sighed again, this time in fond resignation, and then picked me up like I weighed nothing more than a basket of bread. He carried me up the stairs and I enjoyed the show of fatherly affection while it lasted.

Also, seven year old daughter out until late at night without a word about her lateness or demands of where she was? Bad parenting.

* * *

I will have you know that I don't get embarrassed very easily. I'm usually too unflappable and thick-skinned to care about most things that people are sensitive to. However, Itachi-touto is very adept at reducing me to a speechless guppy with blubber for brains.

"The Konoha Military Police Force?"

"Hai. How does it work?"

And I was stumped. My father was the head of the KMPF and I had absolutely no idea how it worked. I mean, I knew that you reported a theft, murder, stolen dust bunnies and other assorted law-breaking to the many KMPF officials running around, then you filled in a purple form and an investigation was somehow conducted.

Woefully basic for the head of KMPF's daughter.

So today is 'Take your children to Work Day, but-only-if-you're-a-member-of-the-KMPF!' Ostensibly, none of the adults actually knew about this.

I just gathered every single child of a KMPF officer and told them to "mush!" and they all, like the well-trained minions they were, promptly complied. (Of course, there was absolutely _no_ grumbling at all. Not even from the parents of three year olds that I'd decided were being too slow and had had 'kidnapped'. Crazy parenting I tell you, completely mental!)

Itachi-touto's hand clutched firmly in mine as his curious wide eyes took in the budding trees and dewy grass, signalling the nearing of spring, and the minions roughhousing behind me with all the vigour of new born goats with teething problems, I waved to any and every peasant I came across. (Obviously, they are peasants. I mean, I'm the supreme overlord of Uchiha Children. Therefore, all hail me. Right?)

Shisui-chan had decided that walking was for losers and was hand-standing all the way to the Military Police Station. He's, to put it nicely, retarded.

I don't know why he's doing it but I'm not going to ask—my brain cells can't really take much more of his brand of insanity.

Itachi-touto tugged on my kimono to get my attention. I looked down at him and realised that statistically speaking, he would be taller than me soon enough. I want to pout and throw a temper tantrum, but manfully refrain from doing so.

"What is it, Otouto?"

"Why are people not questioning this?"

"This what?"

"This…procession."

I looked at him seriously, even pausing for dramatic effect. "The answer, Otouto, is that they are shinobi, and shinobi are used to insanity to a level that makes Jafar look like baby Simba."

Any and all references that should have gone over his head _didn't_ go over his head. "The baby Simba before or after he 'couldn't wait to be king'?"

"Before." I've decided not to question how he remembers stories from when he was six months old, or how he managed to decode the entire English language. Just, I can't even.

He scrunched his face in disapproval and slight apprehension. "That's pretty messed up."

Shisui-chan chose this moment to inform all the minions and assorted additions that we'd somehow collected on the way here that the entrance was six paces behind them and that if they were planning on any careers that required any form of direction-following, they were screwed.

So…any jobs that didn't require getting to a place intact? No, I didn't think so.

They all looked slightly worried and that just wouldn't do. So I shoved Shisui-chan's upside down leg and he flipped thrice before managing to land on his feet like a cat. "Don't listen to him. You'll be fine, but you do need to pay attention to what you're doing, alright?"

Some nodded, some blushed in embarrassment and others were too excited about seeing the interior of the austere building that they didn't seem to be paying attention.

Children.

"Alright!" I said, clapping my hands to get all their attentions. "All of you in groups of four. No more to a group than that."

Everyone managed to form groups with minimal griping and shoving, mainly because I'd done this often enough that everyone knew this was how I kept track of all of them.

There were several excursions of this sort all year round that yours truly coordinated, all in the effort to ensure that _something_ changed about the massacre.

Also, they were so much fun!

"You know the drill! You get an hour and then everyone meets back here and waits until I do a head count. Keep track of your group because if there's one of you missing, all of your mothers will know _exactly_ what happened last spring with the chicken wings and the fishing rods," I meaningfully glanced at the rowdiest bunch, who all blushed and avoided my gaze, some chuckling feebly. One of them was Koji.

"Hai, Akito-hime!" he proclaimed, and everyone else did so to, in a pithy attempt at synchronisation. I released them into the wild.

May God have mercy on the officers' souls. Goodness knows the kids aren't.

Shisui-chan, Koki, Itachi-touto and I ended up following the crowd until those that knew who their parents were split off, leaving everyone to scatter. Some confused sods carrying stacks of paper tried to stop the kids from bashing their heads into walls, disturbing witness testimonies and just generally stop them from being menaces to society.

I'll let them handle this one. They wouldn't cause _too_ much property damage.

We walked along a corridor that had pretty Uchiha symbols drawn on different types of wooden plaques in different styles (some etched, some charcoaled and one burned on to an oak plaque), our feet softly padding on the dark floor. Or rather, Koki's feet making terribly loud noises that the three of us weren't making, because that was one of the first things you learnt to do in the academy—silent walking.

How does Otouto know how to do it? He's Uchiha _Freaking_ Itachi. Did you think he _wouldn't_ be able to?

Knocking on a door that said simply said 'Head', a grunt sounded. We walked in with confident strides. And by we, I mean Itachi-touto and I. Shisui-chan was still hand-standing (even though I'd knocked him down) and Koki was far too scared of Otou-san to realistically be anything but a quivering mess of nerves and hysterical giggling. Itachi-touto has conditioned him to the point where, if Otou-san isn't looking at him, talking to him, acknowledging his existence or even breathing in his general direction, he can stay in the same room for twenty whole minutes.

…the amount of patience Itachi-touto has is legendary.

Otou-san was sitting behind a desk, the window to his right casting his mild wrinkles in sharp relief and I wanted to somehow fix that frown.

"What have you unleashed on my poor minions this time, Akito-chan?" Otou-san asked exasperatedly.

See this? This is why I wonder what happened to him in the anime. He has his moments of mock-fighting and general insanity too but the anime was so focussed on how hard he was on Sasuke that it seemed as though he didn't even have this side to him.

"My very own minions, Otou-san. This is a battle that will decide the fate of our dinner!" I grinned cheekily.

His lips twitched upwards slightly. "You do know that the only reason half the men come into work is because they want to get _away_ from their kids, right?"

Itachi-touto went up to Otou-san and hugged him. "But you're not one of them Otou-san, so we have nothing to worry about," he said, with his solemn earnest gaze on Otou-san. His eyes softened and he nodded.

He got up, picking Itachi-touto up with him and then looked at Shisui-chan and me for a while before saying, "A tour then, and then you beat it."

"Sounds good to me!" I said happily, grabbing a hold of the hand Otou-san proffered for me.

With Shisui-chan and Koki trailing behind us and Itachi-touto gripping Otou-san's shoulders, he showed us the holding cells, the interrogation rooms and the lounge. He then led us past the toilet and Koki promptly emptied his guts of all contents. I'm surprised he lasted that long. He'd been looking green the minute the tour started.

I suppose the fact that there was a prisoner drunkenly begging for release in the first holding cell that we passed might have had something to do with it, but it could just as easily have been one of the fruity scents that was wafting through from the research rooms.

"What they research is anyone's guess. I get daily reports and I just chuck them in a file without bothering to read them," Otou-san commented when I asked. Okay, really bad example of a male role model. How am I going to raise my Otouto to have good manners and an even better moral compass if this is what I have to work with?!

There was a commotion up ahead and, putting Itachi-touto down, Otou-san marched up to the commotion-makers and asked, "What is going on here?"

One of the four men that didn't have KMPF standard gear but was clearly an Uchiha tried to yell again, but Otou-san cut him off by asking another one of them to answer without yelling and cussing up a storm as there were children present.

An Akimichi solemnly began, "There's been a slaughter ten minutes away from the north wall. The Military Police Force is being asked to investigate it."

He then looked reluctant to continue but did anyway. "It's suspected that an Uchiha was the perpetrator." He paused. Then, with barely suppressed emotion he said, "Akimichi Chouza was one of the casualties."

Oh. Oh my God. Akimichi Chouza is Chouji's father. He was very much alive in the anime, so…what did I do?

…I killed him without meaning to. Who else have I accidentally murdered?

* * *

As it turns out, there was an entire team that was killed by an unknown (people are divided on this but half the people think the Uchiha of the team just killed everyone and then killed himself. I don't know who started this rumour but anyone with half a brain has _got_ to question this right? Right? …I'm underestimating human stupidity again aren't I?), one of them being the head of the Akimichi Clan.

People were out for blood, and political tension was at an all-time high. There was no suggestion of foreign involvement, meaning that whoever did kill the four-man squad was a Konoha-nin. People have been playing the blame game for the last couple of days and I can scarcely describe how ridiculous this is that my class of _seven year olds_ has divvied up into the faction that thinks 'the dead Uchiha dun it' and the other group that thinks that Uchiha fart rainbows and that everyone should worship the ground they walk upon, not be accused of murder at the tail-end of the armistice.

In other news, I finally found Kushina-ba-chan. She was walking home from the gates, looking slightly lopsided and sneaky-sneaky. I followed her and, to her credit, she didn't give away any indication that she noticed my pathetic attempt at being a true shinobi.

Although it seems to work on my own peers, my sneaky-sneaky powers do not work on anyone older than 14 (+Itachi-touto). I still don't know what that makes me, a prodigy or a failure, considering that the majority of the ickle kiddies have the situational awareness of a sleeping snorlax.

She unlocked her apartment door and then took off her sandals before jerking her head in a manner that clearly signalled to me to get in before I let in all the leaves. It is an actual genuine concern you see, because Konoha is leaf central.

I walked in after her, closing the door behind me and breathed in the citrusy smell that always clung to Kushina-ba-chan (and the smell of ash— _till the day I die_ ), looking at the cluttered table and the messily arranged books on the shelves.

She went into the kitchen without saying a word and then puttered around in there as I sat down on a comfortable burnt orange sofa, trying my hardest not to let what I was freaking out about become visible on my face.

Sashaying back into the room with two ceramic cups of hot tea, she sat on the cushioned chair in front of me, waiting for me to take the tea from her.

I managed to shake as I did, mumbling something that should have been a thank you but came out as more of a 'myffk yods'. Being awesome, Kushina-ba-chan understood instantly.

"Alright kid," she began after a moment of quietude where we sipped on our tea lightly, "spill. What's bothering you?"

"Oh nothing! Nothing at all! Except that I've just _killed_ Chouji's dad before he's even _born_ and I'm so way in over my head and _everyone's going to die_ and I have no idea what I'm doing! Oh my god, what have I even gotten myself into! I mean, _why_ did this even happen? _What_ did I even _do_!? I haven't even _met_ the guy and I've just _murdered_ the Akimichi CLAN HEAD without meaning to! And now the tension is so high, I've probably pushed the massacre _forwards_! I mean, I wasn't arrogant enough to think I could do something major and change it, but I JUST DID!"

Breathing heavily and finally getting over the freak out, I sat back down, not even realising that I'd stood up.

Kushina-ba-chan simply continued sipping her tea. And isn't it a miracle that my godmother is the only person in the Elemental Continent that wouldn't question me venting at her in English? I don't know how she rationalises it, but I think she thinks I'm still babbling. I don't think anyone has really clued her into the fact that seven year olds just don't do that.

It's been bothering me, I thought as I continued sipping my own tea. It's been grating me that Akimichi Chouza didn't die in canon but, now that I think about it, Obito-kun should have buggered off a while ago, not playing sleeping beauty in the hospital. That's two major things I've changed so far, and I'm not quite sure why it's happening.

I've no idea what changed on the mission that defined Pervert!Kakashi so permanently, and I have no idea who killed Akimichi Chouza, Nakamura Riku, Hitsuzen and Uchiha Inabi. Considering they were all above chuunin level, whoever attacked them must have been powerful.

But that doesn't actually matter, because my clan is being blamed by half of Konoha, claiming that we were the perpetrators and that we planned on weakening the other clans so that we could 'regain our former glory'. It doesn't help that some of the more retarded clansmen decided to take matters into their hands and began scaring the civilians that had the audacity to say it to their faces, making several of them press charges.

But then, the people you press charges to just happen to be the clan that they're pressing charges against.

Now, they don't know that we have a strict 'no partiality' policy in place, and that the Uchiha value honour above most anything so there's no way they wouldn't carry out the investigation no matter how ridiculous it might seem to outsiders.

Otou-san was on a marching tirade in the living room with a towel wrapped around his head (he'd just come out of a shower) and hands flailing furiously as he strangled imaginary people with the force of his Uchihaness.

He wouldn't really hurt them, because the 'no partiality' policy also comes with a 'don't kill' clause. But Okaa-san looks like she believes they would deserve it.

I don't entirely blame her. People have been avoiding me on the streets, ignoring my greetings and crushing any and all of my expectations of human society.

In our houses, we've been grumbling and some are saying that if we were being blamed for trying to regain our former glory, we might as well start doing it.

I'm slightly, maybe, kind of, scared out of my mind. I need someone to de-stress on and, as the last seven years have proven, Kushina-ba-chan is perfect for this. She never pushes me to explain, never wonders why I jabber in a different language, always makes me different flavours of tea (this one is Apple and Ginger. I've gotten really good at telling the difference between them, considering Kushina-ba-chan's been making me tea for as long as I've been allowed under her tender supervision.) and then goes about like as if nothing happened at all.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Kushina-ba-chan," I smile at her gratefully.

Que sera sera right? What will be will be. I'll just have to go with the flow.

She hugs me close to her, and I hug her back just as tightly.

She kicked me out of her apartment after three hours of covering every topic of conversation under the sun and, carefully clutching the dried tea leaves in a jar that Kushina-ba-chan had given me, I made my way back home.

* * *

All the streets were filled with people, all the vendors were yelling their wares, all the children were hugging their parents and/or ripping their sisters' hair out of their heads and the older generation were breathing a sigh of pure unadulterated relief.

Streaming through the doors like a grotesque, dirty, smelly, weary and smiling herd of mass migrating zebras were the last of the shinobi returning from the front lines.

The war was over, and no one could stop smiling.

Differences swept aside, even the ones that knew their loved ones were never coming back were smiling, teeth glinting in the sun, tired eyes watching the children, the little flames of our village, run around and smack their faces into yet another veterans' shin and managing to be utter nuisances to the guy carrying half the anpan in Konoha in his arms.

Itachi-touto, Shisui-chan, Kabuto and I were being our usual awesome selves and were herding all the little kids away from the tearful relatives, the stampeding fangirls (I didn't know that was an actual thing, but I suppose considering Sasuke's fangirls, it isn't too farfetched to think other good looking shinobi had the same problem) and the official looking delegates that had arrived this morning to congratulate Konoha on its victory.

The propaganda department was working overtime to somehow suckering everyone into believing that we won by a landslide when really, it could have gone either way until just last month, when apparently the 'Will of Fire' overpowered Kirigakure, Kumogakure _and_ Iwagakure.

Forgive me for not believing that.

But right now, at this current point in time, Konoha was at full capacity and the Hokage was about to address the entire village. What about? I have absolutely no idea, but I can make a few educated guesses.

For example, considering the _entire_ village had to be present for this speech (excluding the ones on extremely high risk zones at the border) and that I'm fairly certain Minato-sama ought to be Hokage by now, well.

It's fairly obvious isn't it?

The smell of the freshly baked goods and the roasting meat and the mouth-watering tooth cavities waiting to happen wafted through the air, making Kabuto's stomach growl audibly. Shisui-chan started laughing at him and Itachi-touto looked amused in the way only a four year old with a twenty one year olds' mentality can.

"Someone's a little peckish, eh?" Shisui-chan grinned at Kabuto, who blushed embarrassedly.

"I just haven't had lunch yet," he retorted in a faux-calm manner. "Besides, I can wait. Unlike _some_ ," he pointedly looked at me, "I have restraint."

I frowned, mock-offended. "Are you calling me a food addict that gets left behind in the zoo because people think she's just another elephant?"

He thought about this. "Yes."

Itachi-touto giggled cutely and I laughed at the dry way he'd responded. Shisui-chan ushered us all towards a stand and bought us a dango stick each.

"My treat. Eat as much as you're tummy can handle, Megane-chama." He winked before swallowing a dango whole, and then placing the second one in his mouth too before swallowing them both at the same time.

Of course, being the big mature girl that I am, I stuff all three of the dango in my mouth and then swallow, smirking at him in victory. He narrows his eyes at me.

"Oh, it is _on,_ Aki-senpai!"

"Bring it, pansy-cake!"

Kabuto just sits next to Itachi-touto on the floor, leaning against the apartment building with one hand holding his dango stick and the other wrapped around his legs.

"Want to bet on who eats the most?" I hear him ask Itachi-touto as Shisui-chan buys six more dango sticks.

He hums in contemplation before shrugging. "Aneki will win. Who'll be more embarrassing to watch?"

I now have around four dango in my mouth and Shisui-chan has five. His jaw isn't closing and drool is leaking from the corner of his mouth. I want to laugh in triumph, but I don't think that's advisable at this point.

"Shisui-kun. It's fairly obvious. He's a boy after all," Kabuto muttered ironically.

I nearly choked on the giggle that that line elicited and Shisui-chan banged me on my back. Repeatedly, as if he thought that if he hit hard enough, the seventh one in my mouth would come out.

Ridiculous really, but Shisui-chan is a hopeless optimist like that.

I make a lot of funny, high-handed comments on the 'real' difference between boys and girls. For some reason, Kabuto has taken to them like fish to water and, unlike me (I don't have a sarcastic bone in my body really, or at least not verbally. Everything that comes out of my mouth that should be remotely sarcastic ends up sounding retarded or weird-funny), he manages to make them snarky and witty.

He's hilarious. Even Bunko-sensei cracked up this one time we were in cooking lessons.

The cooking lesson happened once and never again, because some kid in the other class blew up the room and then yelled loudly "I QUIT!" and then the girl next to him realised that her hair was on fire and then she started ranting, instead of doing the sensible thing and screaming her head off, "My _head_ is on _fire_ and I _can't even_."

And then Kabuto said, "And that's what she gets for sitting next to Accidentally Procreated."

Mean, but so so inappropriately funny.

He keeps the snark to a minimum around Itachi-touto though, and it may or may not have had to do with the bodily harm I threatened him with before introducing him to my cute little brother for the first time.

I had around nine dango in my mouth by the time Shisui-chan admitted defeat and flounced off to sulk on one of the metal steps leading to the roof, good-naturedly venting to Itachi-touto about the demerits of having a hogging _female_ for a best friend.

"You just can't win in _any_ way against them," he said despondently. Itachi-touto nodded sagely, his eyes laughing.

I grinned and slumped next to Kabuto, trying and failing to look remotely presentable as I tried to chew and swallow. Dignity just flew out of the metaphorical window.

Suddenly, everyone became quiet.

All eyes including ours turned to the Hokage tower, or rather the five figures standing on the balcony. Sandaime-sama, looking greyer every day, was surrounded by his two advisors and one not-completely-fossilised Danzo on three sides. Next to them was sunshine personified and I was so completely right, this is definitely an era-changer ceremony. Next to Minato-sama, standing a bit at a distance, was a younger-than-ever-seen-before-except-in-flashbacks-so-it-doesn't-really-count Jiraiya of the Densetsu no Sannin.

And yes, even as a seven year old, I have been warned about him and his perverted ways. This is like a tradition in and of itself. You are a female and, as one of the fairer sex, you must warn your fellow potential victims of the toad sage's lecherous peeper behaviour.

No really, there's a lesson covering _just_ him in the Kunoichi classes. Yuwaku-sensei introduced the lesson like this: " _In the inevitable event of you being objectified as a model for one of Jiraiya-sama's asinine projects, here is Pervert Handling 101 (of the can't kill permanently variety)"_.

I'll bet majority of his infamy comes just from that.

Sandaime-sama began in a powerful, carrying voice (and isn't it weird that he doesn't have any voice-enhancing equipment and yet we all can hear him clearly?), looking at all the thousands of people that had gathered simply because he'd said 'come'. The power he held was frightening.

"People of Konohagakure no Sato, I've seen us grow from a group of hastily erected huts and tents to the most powerful of the Five Great Nations. I am proud to have been there for every wobbly, confident, frightening, _daring_ step of the way."

He paused, and not a single face wasn't uplifted in some way, shape or form. I myself was smiling proudly, even though I hadn't actually done anything.

"The war is over, and we won. Every single leaf we lost was avenged and it is thanks to their sacrifice that we stand here today, weary, tired and _proud_. We are the Leaf, and no stone or cloud or river will _ever_ conquer us, not as long as we have breath in our lungs and fire in our hearts and a reason to keep fighting and living.

But every era comes to an end."

Some people broke into confused murmurs, Shisui-chan and Kabuto exchanging a confused look. I glanced at Itachi-touto and we both smiled; Minato-sama was practically our second godfather.

And really, is it any surprise at all that Itachi-touto knows exactly what's going on? He's a genius, and I won't ever forget that. Even if the cheek-pulling grandma that everyone avoids and the stuffy neighbours that talk about us as if we're blind and deaf forget it whenever it suits their fancy.

Not to say that I don't treat him like a stuffed panda with adorable cheeks and wide eyes and—

Okay, so totally fangirling everyone. Be back in a gajillion years, after I get over this.

—and I'm back. So yes, I treat him like I treat him. There really isn't a way to describe it. But so long as it works for us, I guess I can't really complain.

He spoke again and the murmurers quietened. "I have served as Hokage for over three decades and I have been privileged enough to guide us through two separate wars, and have fought in the first one. But it is now time for change, for the next generation to take over, for a new Hokage!"

And everyone started chattering, barring the factions that had figured it out and/or knew about it beforehand.

"He has served in decisive battles, and many among you have served under him, seen him in action and vouched for his appointment. Others have heard of his exploits, his skills, his infamy among the Iwa troops. A flee on sight order in the bingo book, fifty separate victories under his command, six manoeuvres named after him or coined by him, and the title of Konoha no Kiiro Senko and the Saviour of Our World, I give you—"

And even before he finished his sentence, people broke into applause, many screaming in glee and others stomping their feet in elation. I stood up and began chanting 'Yon-dai-me! Yon-dai-me!', Shisui-chan, Kabuto and Itachi-touto following my lead.

Soon, everyone around us and then some were chanting with us, screaming, clapping, thumping the backs of people around them and crying in joy, relief and sheer _awe_.

The applause lasted a good six minutes, the longest I have ever heard in my entire life. It hadn't even died down before Sandaime-sama said "Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage of Konoha!", and then it picked up again.

I felt feverish with delight, and the chakra all over Konoha thrummed in delight and joy. Someone set off fireworks in the middle of the day and the crackling sounds just incited everyone to take it up a few more notches.

I yelled so loudly that my throat was hoarse for an entire week after, and Kabuto even at the age of twenty three complains that he has difficulty hearing out of his left ear.

A group of Uchiha lit up the sky with multiple Katon: Rising Phoenixes, spiralling grandly and dispersing like leaves in the wind, flickers and embers licking the bright blue sky. Just as soon as they disappeared, a faction of Nara weaved their shadows and shot them up, creating a silhouette of a growing tree.

It was beautiful.

You know how some moments are so perfect that you can never forget them?

This was it.

Minato-sama walked to the edge of the balcony and, knowing that it was futile to quiet _everyone_ down, simply began the chant for 'Konoha! Konoha!'

Itachi-touto was matching me, scream for elated scream.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uzumaki Kushina was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them, no matter what those idiots on the council seemed to think. Her little goddaughter wasn't normal, not by a long shot. But that was alright.

Everyone was allowed to be a little insane, and if Akito-chan wanted to yell gibberish whenever she was stressed, then Kushina was glad to be the person she felt most comfortable to act like a fool in front of.

As for Akimichi Chouza's death, Kushina was still having difficulty believing he was never going to be seen at restaurants eating the establishment into bankruptcy, never see his unborn son, never go on another mission _ever_ and...

The war had led to many deaths, but this wasn't one of them. This was a murder, and it was deliberate.

Minato thought so anyway, and Akito-chan was right when she said that everything that came out of his mouth was "worthy of Kami-sama's blessings."

As for the idiotic theory that the Uchiha were behind it, she wanted rip Danzou's limbs off his drying husk of a body, because she'd bet the Kyuubi to Kumo that he was the perpetrator. Kushina huffed at the piece of hair falling in her eyes as she washed the dishes.

Now, she could use her soapy hands to move the offending piece of keratin from her eyes and risk that strand becoming soapy and then stick onto her head until she was forced to take yet another shower, or she could just leave it over there and have more difficulty washing dishes than the task warranted.

...first world problems...

* * *

 _Read and review please! Also, can anyone guess why the four man squad died? Suggestions, wild theories and conspiracies welcomed with a hug and dango!_

 ** _Edited 25/02/2017_**


	6. Second Sun

_**'Dear Stress, this isn't working out. Let's break up.'**_

* * *

It didn't take me long to remember that Rin-chan should have already gone on that horrendous mission with the Chidori-to-the-chest mishap and that there really wasn't anything that I'd done that could have stopped that.

A day after the festivities, I decided to visit Obito-kun in the hospital.

Hey, if everyone had their way we would have been celebrating for weeks. Minato-sama is seriously well-loved.

But we were a shinobi village that had just come out of a war and we needed to go back to earning money, fixing the admittedly not as visibly damaged but still very much damaged economy, and not to mention the mass funerals and the amount we'd have to compensate for the extremely high death toll.

And that isn't even thinking about the debt we were in to the Fire Daimyo and the minor villages, the compensation to be paid to the crippled and orphaned and families of dead shinobi and poor civilian bystanders, the rota to be established for the new border patrol and the rehashing of the peace treaties and the reparation extraction method and…you get the picture.

When I got to the lemony-smelling room with its scuffed and well-worn tiles, I came upon team Minato playing shogi.

Rin-chan, wearing operation theatre scrubs, was holding Obito-kun's right (withered) hand, and he was playing against Kakashi with his left one. As soon as I stepped in, all three of them snapped their attentions towards me, and I waved at them happily.

"It's been a while, Kakashi-san," I say politely. He seems…smaller somehow, like he's been deflated.

"Yes, it has."

Expecting more, I wait politely, but nothing else was forthcoming. He just went back to playing shogi. Thoroughly put out, I pouted, prompting Obito-kun to chuckle softly.

"How are you feeling, Obito-kun?" I asked, placing the flowers I had bought in the conveniently placed tall glass on his side table.

"Well enough. A bit rough around the edges, but they're not too worried about my recovery anymore. So Rin," he said, turning to her pointedly. "You can go back to doing missions now. Honestly, you didn't have to worry about _that_ much!"

"Am I missing something?"

"Yes, everything, but that's hardly new," muttered Kakashi. I guess the hatred is still mutual then.

Obito-kun kicked Kakashi from under his blankets and Kakashi glared at him lightly, before sighing and very pointedly _not_ apologising.

"Apparently, I only found out about this yesterday, but _apparently_ Rin's been declining all mission requests, because _apparently_ the hospital is understaffed—"

"Which, it actually is," Rin-chan cut in defensively.

"Yeah, _except,"_ he glared in frustration at her, "if I wasn't in here, I _know_ you could've managed a couple of missions, no matter _how_ busy you were!"

As Rin-chan opened her mouth to defend herself, Kakashi said in monotone, "She would have been useless anyway."

Which, you know, was completely true. And this also should explain why she wasn't Chidori-ed in the chest—she hadn't been out of the village _and_ Obito-kun wasn't in Madara's clutches for him to brainwash, so there was no point inducing trauma of that kind.

Problem solved!

Now to get to the gajillion other problems plaguing this universe…joy.

"Seriously? You're actually saying that! She's saved our butts _hundreds_ of times, and you—"

"What he means to say, Obito-kun," I broke in, "is that Rin-chan would have been so worried about you that she wouldn't have given the mission her all. Not completely useless, but much less effective than if she stayed here, helping the patients and being close enough to you to have her peace of mind."

Kakashi looked like he wanted to strangle me, solely because we agreed on something.

Obito-kun just huffed in annoyance. Rin-chan just sighed before getting up.

"I believe that's my cue to leave. My shift still isn't over. Coming Kakashi-kun? Minato-sensei wanted to see you about something, didn't he?"

"That was today?" asked Kakashi, but he got up anyway and put the board away, telling Obito-kun he'd be back soon enough to trounce his sorry excuse of actual playing skills.

I see he hasn't changed _at all_ , but for some reason, there's less malice behind what he's saying.

Food for thought.

When they'd gone, I took the chair Rin-chan had been occupying and began enumerating all the events that had occurred in the past week. He'd seen the era-changer announcement from the hospital roof, but it just wasn't the same, he said, as being on the ground, so I told him all about the chaos and food and cheering and my throat was _still_ hoarse, and we laughed and joked and talked and laughed some more.

We talked about that, the circle of life, Teyaki-ji-san's soon-to-be-born daughter, the space-time continuum, his injuries and, what it seemed everyone was avoiding like the plague, the consequences of the Great Backstabbing.

To be honest, I don't know where this is going. Obito-kun, on the other hand, seemed to.

"Let's face it, Aki-hime, no matter which way this goes, they're going to have to apologise."

So much optimism…does he not understand the concept of conspiracy theories and wounded pride?

In an ideal world, we'd all be able to say sorry and say 'let bygones be bygones' before making clay models of gazelles together, but that's about as likely to happen as Sasori and Deidara are likely to agree on the same view on art.

Which, to put it mildly, there is not a snowballs' chance in hell of.

"No, I don't think that's going to happen, Obito-kun. It's more likely that, well…there'll be another Madara. Except it'll be more than just one person. And that's the _best case scenario_."

"You're being too pessimistic, you know. It'll all work out. Sensei's in charge, so it'll be okay. We just have to trust him," he said with the most utter conviction in the world.

And I wish I could have that, I really do, but the day of the Kyuubi Attack is approaching ever closer. Somehow, I get this _really_ bad feeling that things are going to be a lot worse than they were in canon—and they were bad enough _then_.

But I'd let Obito-kun think he'd convinced me, more for his sake than my own.

* * *

As the sky was lightening and dawn was breaking, when the birds were awakening and Shisui-chan, Kabuto and I were having an early morning workout, Uruchi-oba-san gave birth to an Uchiha girl with midnight blue hair and lightly tanned skin.

It's been three days now and people still haven't stopped remarking on how _different_ she looks. I asked Okaa-san why she did, and she explained that dark blue hair was a recessive trait in the Uchiha gene pool, and she wasn't _that_ tanned. But people liked gossiping, so they would.

Her name is Uchiha Ine, meaning rice. Don't ask, Otou-san just face-palmed when he heard. He's just grateful it's an actual name at all.

She's cute, and she sneezes like a baby bunny quite a lot. But no one's cuter than Itachi-touto.

I might be slightly biased though.

Also, Uruchi-oba-san became really sick, and no one is expecting a good recovery. The baby was a surprise—they hadn't expected to have one at all; they were old. Their medic reckons that if they'd married later, this problem wouldn't have even occurred.

…Uruchi-oba-san's going to die, and I only _just_ got used to calling her my aunt... Teyaki-ji-san will be heartbroken. He finally let someone in and now they'll be gone, after only a few years of matrimony.

Ine-chan has her work cut out for her…

But what really gets me thinking is, Uruchi-oba-san was alive wasn't she? On the day of the Uchiha massacre? I could have sworn she was. So…is she another Akimichi Chouza?

Did _I_ kill her?

* * *

It was a sunny day and the birds were chirping and the grass was growing and the squirrels were tormenting little children and the old people were cribbing about how the standards of humanity in general had dropped, and my whole world was rocked to its core.

Now I'm not saying that I'm not exaggerating, but I'm so totally not exaggerating.

I mean, you come downstairs after getting ready for school and you don't expect the first sign of the apocalypse to be upon you, right? Right? But no, _there_ was Itachi-touto sitting perfectly straight-backed and poised with a satchel and a bento tucked firmly inside a black cloth (with the obligatory Uchiha clan symbol on it), waiting to walk with me to school.

Or rather, ensuring that I make good on my promise to take him to school on his first day, because Kami-sama knows our parents are still as bad at the whole parenting aspect of their relationship with us as they were seven years ago.

Now why would this be a problem? Because his going to the academy means that he is _five_ _years old_ , meaning this is the year Sasuke is going to be born. Meaning that my timer was ticking and ticking fast, and the Kyuubi attack was happening, and Nagato would go all six paths on Hanzo the Salamander, and Naruto would be born, and the final nail on the metaphorical Uchiha coffin was going to be nailed, and my OTP would become noTP and it's all happening _this year_.

I'm in my third year of shinobi education! This is happening way too fast! Even though I had like, seven years prior warning.

This is not happening. _Not happening_.

I need to see Kushina-ba-chan. And can I just reiterate how grateful I am that she is the only one crazy enough not to question my English babble and still pretend to understand every word I'm saying like as if I were a particularly retarded baby duck that she humoured? I've ranted about my old world, how I miss technology and google, how Masashi Kishimoto _sucked_ for being so vague about the timeline and how _hard_ being away from my first family was.

Kami-sama my godmother is crazy.

She's going to _die_ this year.

"Ready Aneki?"

I broke out of my numbed and horrified thoughts, staring at my little Otouto and wondering where the time had gone. He was about nineteen inches long the first time I held him in my lap and stroked his soft hair and hummed him lullabies and rocked him to sleep and…

"Aneki, why are you crying?" he asked worriedly.

I hugged him tightly, whispering that he needed to shrink and shrink **now** because he was supposed to be a baby damnit!

He patted me on the back with the concerned innocence of a five year old.

I'm really not ready for this.

I held his hand in mine and we walked to the academy side by side in comfortable silence. Normally, Shisui-chan waits at the end of my street so that we can run to the academy together (remember how I'm _always_ late?) but he wasn't there this time. Itachi-touto wouldn't be late today because I'd gotten up extra early just to make sure we got there in time.

We'll still be late, just not as obscenely late as I was for my first day.

We walked down the well-worn road leading to the academy, which hadn't changed a smidgeon since the last time I saw it two weeks ago, before the summer break.

We get a break of two weeks during every season change. Once for Autumn (when the Uchiha have the annual Dragon of Autumn Festival—most of us just call it the Akamatsu, which means red pine and is another symbolic feature of Uchiha culture, but really it's a colloquial name for Aki no Matsuri (Autumn festival)), once for spring (when we have the Harvest Festival that originated from the Akimichi), once in the winter (when the Hyuuga have their celebrations) and once in the summer (when the Senju have theirs).

Otherwise we have school all year round. I walked Itachi-touto to the grounds behind the main academy building and waited with the parents and guardians of the students that would be enrolling this cycle. As a seven year old, this would have been nerve-wracking.

As a twenty-five year old in a seven year old's body who knows the majority of the people around her on a first name basis, I was perfectly at home.

We chatted for a while, and by chatted I mean they interrogated me and I danced around the subjects I didn't want to discuss (like the attack on Itachi-touto and my decidedly non-existent love life and, of course, the subtle-but-totally-not-subtle jabs about the Akimichi head's demise) with the smoothness of an expert politician and then just started going off on random tangents that pretty much everyone joined in on and then promptly questioned my sanity by the end of the discussion, muttering about nutmeg and Viktor Krum, although they didn't know what they were saying.

Heh.

Sandaime-sama, whom, barring the Hokage-changing announcement, I haven't seen since the delightful Akamatsu three years ago where I started choking during an apple-bobbing contest with Shisui-chan and he glanced in my direction as I made an utter fool of myself (I'm _really_ glad I don't get embarrassed easily, or the whole day would have been ruined. As it stood, Shisui-chan and I had a wonderful evening buying crackers and sneakily placing them in the carefully pinned bun of the daimyo's wife. The ANBU guarding her allowed this, which is the only way we managed.), wasn't the one walking towards the gathering this year.

No, this year, and _only_ this year, Namikaze Minato, Yellow Flash of Konoha and newly appointed Yondaime Hokage was going to give the newest cycle a speech.

His declaration as he stood in front of the entirety of Konoha, holding the Hokage hat in one hand and wearing his signature robes with red fire licking the hem and Yondaime boldly emblazoned down the back, was the most amazing moment in my two lifetimes.

I don't think anything else even came _close_. Well, except seeing my Otouto for the first time in the hospital.

But nothing _else_.

He stood in front of the eager eyed new recruits, his cerulean blue eyes taking each and every one of them in, evaluating them and telling them silently that it was okay because he saw their flaws and he _believed_ they would overcome them, that they were capable of it.

He's going to _die_ this year.

I _hate_ Tobito, and I'm not even sure he's going to exist. I mean, Obito-kun is still in the hospital and it doesn't look like he's going to be leaving anytime soon, even though he says he wants to come to the funeral. So, would the Kyuubi Attack happen at all? I'm not too sure on that one, but it's still not going to stop me from preparing for October the tenth like it's Armageddon. I am _not_ taking any chances.

Uchiha Inabi's funeral will be held tomorrow and I honestly don't know how to feel about that. He was a bit rough around the edges but, when Emiko-chan had gotten lost trying to look for our house during the spring break, he'd been helpful and gruffly-nice too. He was my cousin through marriage and used to play the shakuhachi during the Akamatsu and his girlfriend used to slip him various poisons to test out (he, of course, had no idea what hallucinogens she'd poured into his tea, and after the time he thought he was a pregnant whale, he'd never touched a thing she'd given him, not that that had deterred her or anything).

She won't be doing that again. Ureshi-nee-chan left on a mission and I don't think she's coming back.

Minato-sama began speaking and the charisma was blinding. Every kid was soaking in every single word he was saying and all the adults looked about ready to sit with the five year olds so that he would be talking to them.

Once he concluded, two teachers that had taught the graduating class of last term stood at the front and called for order. Itachi-touto stood on his own, seeing as he was the only one his age from the Uchiha applying at the academy.

He looked like it didn't bother him, seeing groups being formed and kids chattering with their parents, the two Akimichi in this year glaring at him very conspicuously (and isn't that a head turner, that the Akimichi would be the clan that would hate our guts?

I mean, the Hyuuga yes, the Senju yes, but the Akimichi?

Before the mission that people have been calling 'The Great Backstabbing', the one noble clan that the Uchiha had thought they'd never have to deal with the ire of was the clan of Chubby BBQ Connoisseurs, and yet here we are.) but my Big Sister Senses were tingling (I have _got_ to trademark that). I knew it hurt him and there was not a proton's worth I could do for him.

So obviously, being awesome, I grabbed Minato-sama's hand in mine, gave a blinding smile to his bemused expression, and dragged him (totally willingly) to Itachi-touto.

Let the titchy tots be jealous. Let them be. Itachi-touto's so obviously better than them it's not even funny.

And yes, I may have stuck out my tongue at some people. But it was totally justified.

"Is there a specific reason you're manhandling me, Akito-chan?"

"Yes."

"…May I know why?"

I looked at him with a serious expression. "Every woman needs a trophy husband."

"I see," he said, laughing. Itachi-touto looked stoic, but the little twitch of his lips that no one would have seen had they not been using a microscope, proved that he was relieved that he didn't have to be the Awkward Arnold of the group.

We chatted for a while, about bread rolls, the Konoha-Kumo peace treaty (if memory serves with regards to Neji's angst-fest, _that_ doesn't last very long), the silliness of our mutually-accepted-favourite redhead, the practicality of the Hokage hat, and Itachi-touto's awesomeness.

However, all good things must come to an end, so, bidding Minato-sama adieu, I squeezed Itachi-touto's hand in reassurance and urged him to go stand in line, before heading to my own lesson.

Bunko-sensei did not question my lateness as I slipped into my seat between Emiko-chan and Shisui-chan. I'm assuming she either knew where I was, or that she just assumed I was late. It wouldn't be the first time…

We were in the middle of an advanced lesson on weapon handling when there was a knock on the door. Finishing her sentence, Bunko-sensei went to the door and opened it, revealing one of the sensei that were in charge of the new students and Itachi-touto.

…what could he possibly have done in less than fifteen minutes?!

Bunko-sensei and the other teacher were muttering a few indistinguishable words to each other, with Itachi-touto calmly standing there, his eyes solemnly studying Bunko-sensei. My brain was not functioning well enough to figure out what was wrong.

Nodding to each other, Bunko-sensei signed a paper that the other sensei brandished, before he left without Itachi-touto.

The two came and stood in front of the class, Itachi-touto looking _very_ imperturbable (even though I knew he was nervous). Bunko-sensei cleared her throat for our attention.

"Class, another student will be joining us from now on, and I want you to make him feel welcome. Would you like to introduce yourself, Uchiha-san?" she said, looking at Itachi-touto a tad coolly.

He stated his name and age in a measured voice, before formally asking us to "take care of him" as is normal and expected.

The class stared at him, with some recognising him from our many excursions and others (there were no Akimichi in my class, so at least that was a bonus) staring at him suspiciously.

I, of course, was gobsmacked. Right up until I realised that this is Uchiha Itachi, who graduated the academy in six months. So _of course_ he would have had to move up a few classes.

I still can't believe I'll be graduating in two years' time… (Or three if you count this one). We still count as war time students, so we're still doing the advanced stuff and will graduate in five years instead of Naruto's seven.

He was told to seat himself next to Yowa-kun at the front, before classes continued on as normal.

At lunchtime, I bounced my way down to him, with Shisui-chan mimicking my exuberance, Kabuto-chan looking as though he wished he didn't know me and Emiko-chan giggling at us.

"How do you do it, Otouto?"

"Do what, Aneki?" he asked innocently.

"Defy logic," I stated solemnly.

"How did you manage to impress Ishida-sensei in only eleven minutes?" asked Shisui-chan excitedly. Was he timing it or something?

"Well, we were introducing ourselves in class and when it came to my turn—we had to walk to the front of the classroom—I told them what I could do, and what I still had to work on. I have a few ideas as to why he moved me up a few classes, but it is only circumspection. I don't know for certain."

Itachi-touto has a way of not sounding like a five year old at all…

But it must have been the silent-walking he'd done that had first grabbed Ishida-sensei's attention, and then, well, lots of kids boast about what they can do, but the fact that he mentioned what he had to work on must have shown a level of implicit maturity that not many kids his age possess (and indeed, some adults don't possess to this day).

I can see why he was pushed up; he's a genius.

…oh no. This is just going to inflate Otou-san's ego even more!

Just what I needed. Note the sarcasm dripping off that sentence.

* * *

"As expected of my favourite son!"

"Otou-san, he's your only son!"

We were sitting at the table, eating rice and salmon (it was absolutely delicious and I can't even begin to describe what kind of heaven my taste buds were in) and discussing our day.

I began this tradition during the first stalemate, hoping that this would give me the information I needed to hash out the timeline (curse you for your vagueness Kishimoto!), and now it's become the norm in our household.

Okaa-san always has the most interesting day somehow, even though all she does is stay at home and be a housewife while the rest of us are either training, at the academy or at the central hub of all things murder and theft related.

…No, I don't understand it either.

Okaa-san brought over some more salmon before sitting down and continuing eating. Itachi-touto took some of it and quietly watched Otou-san and I banter back and forth.

"You're just jealous, Akito-chan," he said smugly.

"Of not being your son?"

"No, of being inferior," he mocked.

We glared at each other for a bit before both of us started laughing. Okaa-san watched us with a fond smile on her lips and Itachi-touto had much the same expression on his own. Then, the atom bomb was dropped and we were all annihilated.

Metaphorically speaking.

"Shujin-sama, you may not be able to claim Itachi-chan as your favourite son for long. We are expecting another one."

Total, utter silence.

A smile broke out on Otou-san's face, wide and happy. Itachi-touto looked like he couldn't quite process this news but his eyes were sparkling in excitement.

I could hear the funeral bells ringing.

* * *

The entire Uchiha clan does _not_ , I cannot emphasise this enough, _does not_ fit into the Naka Shrine. Oh, we can try, but there's a line between perseverance and stupidity.

It doesn't stop us from trying anyway.

Itachi-touto is holding my hand as we try to squeeze through the masses of bodies to find Otou-san or Okaa-san, or just some place to sit down really, at this point I'm not too fussed. We ran into Koki-chan and Shisui-chan, who'd been trying to do the same thing.

The funeral was today, and it wasn't just for Inabi-san and Ureshi-nee-chan (who'd been officially declared KIA just this morning), but also Uruchi-oba-san. She passed away in the evening yesterday, when Shisui-chan and I were Sunset Watching.

In my old world, black used to be the colour for funerals, but in the Uchiha clan (and it is _only_ the Uchiha clan, mind you. No other clan does it, and the Uchiha do it only for Uchiha funerals) the appropriate colour is a specific shade of carnelian red that none of our everyday clothes can be.

For non-Uchiha funerals, we don't do that at all. It is considered the height of rudeness by other clans and, not only that, but it seemingly devalues our own clan's customs by trying to follow our customs for others' funerals.

So many political faux pas….

But regardless, each clan has their own specific customs, and this is ours. Multiple funerals at the same time was a common theme in the shinobi world, and it was considered more honourable the more people were cremated at the same time.

We were a sea of red sombre faces, and several of the clansmen had just resigned themselves to the fact that they weren't going to manage to get inside the shrine and simply stood outside, waiting for the bodies to be cremated.

There was a patch of wooden floor that Shisui-chan spotted near the far right of the shrine, and we weaved our way through the throng of bodies to get to it. Carefully lowering myself into the seiza position, with Itachi-touto on my left and Shisui-chan on my right (Koki-chan was on Itachi-touto's other side), we waited for the ceremony to begin.

It had been such a hectic day, with Otou-san and Okaa-san working like madmen, trying to get everything organised on such short notice. Seriously, it was going to be just Inabi-san's funeral service, and his parents were handling that, but with Ureshi-nee-chan, she only had an elderly aunt and so Otou-san and Okaa-san (as leaders of the clan) were supposed to organise that, and since Uruchi-oba-san had died so recently as well, and Teyaki-ji-san was so busy taking care of Ine-chan…

Yes, our house was just a flurry of Otou-san yelling at Okaa-san for the funeral details, and Okaa-san snapping all the details at him while trying to get the after-service food prepared with around six other women. There was so much screaming and yelling actually, that my ears are still ringing with Ureshi-nee-chan's shinobi registration number and Uruchi-oba-san's body dimensions.

Pots and pans clashing and the mounting pressure of getting everything done within the two hour time limit (Kami-sama forbid we just _delay_ the funeral or anything sensible like that. Stuck up pride I tell you, can't simply admit that they need more time…), it was strangely exhilarating.

Itachi-touto and I were running errands all morning, the casket, the flowers, the incense, the extra white cloths, the body-washing supplies (for Uruchi-oba-san, seeing as Inabi-san's cleaning was his family's responsibility and Ureshi-nee-chan didn't have a body to cremate—it was just chunks apparently, and Otou-san was complaining about how she didn't have the decency to at least have left a limb to be cremated. This, sadly enough, was not him being callous, but something that all of us did, because there was far too much death in a shinobi's life to feel sad about every passing life—except when it's a teammate or immediate family, in which case it's just cruel to say things like that around the affected) and various other supplies for the funeral.

Okaa-san then shoved two hakama in my arms and walked off to tell one of my many older cousins that any more salt in the gyoza and we all might as well just be eating gyoza-flavoured salt. I took that as a "go and get yourself and Itachi-chan ready, Akito-chan. If you don't, my pregnancy hormones will force me to commit mass homicide and then we'll have _another_ funeral to worry about. Insert scarily calm smile here."

I got us ready and here we are. Itachi-touto probably knows how to tie an obi by now, but he likes it when I do it (less of a hassle for him, and it's become sort of 'our thing', I suppose you could say). The gong sounds loudly, reverberating around the wooden shrine.

The Dragon of Autumn's glittering eyes seemed to follow the four people walking towards the altar, where Teyaki-ji-san and Uruchi-oba-san had kneeled less than three years ago. It seems so unfair.

Her body was laid next to Inabi-san, and it was the first glimpse I'd properly caught of him. He looked…different from what I remember. This is odd. I'm not saying my memory is infallible, but I remember faces (necessary in our line of work, me thinks) and this one seems…off.

It isn't that there's anything specifically wrong about his features, but there's just something…not quite right.

…maybe I'm just reading too much into this. Perhaps this is why people don't like looking at dead bodies. They just look wrong.

Uruchi-oba-san had more stress lines than she did on her wedding day (we don't cover wounds or imperfections with make-up. It's considered a sign of deceit, and when a person dies, be it in our clan or in any other, in this _village_ or any other, there are no more lies left. You die as you were born, no alterations. The last goodbye.) but she still looked radiant, in that perhaps she was at peace.

I'll admit now, I never was as close to her as I could have been, largely because whenever I went to visit, Teyaki-ji-san took up all of my time and Uruchi-oba-san still treated me like a three year old. Don't get me wrong, lots of people did that, but I was exposed to Uruchi-oba-san far more than the rest of them. There was a limit to what I could talk about with her, especially because she was more…conservative in a way, in that she probably wouldn't take weirdness into stride like Teyaki-ji-san did.

But she always made me senbei and even taught me how to make them, much to Teyaki-ji-san's chagrin when he found out. She, admirably (Teyaki-ji-san can be quite scary when his secret senbei recipe is on the line), told him to "shut up you old coot, she's as close to being your daughter as _anyone_ will get, so get over it."

It made me blush then, to think that Teyaki-ji-san loved me enough to consider me a daughter. Teyaki-ji-san blushed too though, mainly because it was an unspoken thing between us I guess.

An urn was placed next to Inabi-san's body, and I knew for a fact it was empty, largely because I was the one that had to go and fetch it from the cranky wood-carver, Hiroyuki-san. He still can't stand my guts, even after five years of constant nagging.

He's great.

The urn is made of wood because it's going to be burnt instead of an actual body for Ureshi-nee-chan. There are three ceramic urns for placing the ashes in.

It was quiet, eerily so, with only the sound of rustling hakama to accompany the wind. Then, as one, a row of Uchiha yelled 'Flames of Autumn!' and then breathed fire onto the two bodies and one urn, the heat so concentrated that there was nothing but ash within ten seconds. The smell of charred flesh lingered slightly, but it was barely noticeable ( _smoke, sulphur, ash—till the day I die_ ).

The ash was expertly collected and then Inabi-san's mother, Okaa-san and Teyaki-ji-san carried the three urns with Otou-san leading them to the Naka River. The whole clan (or rather, everyone present and available at that current point in time) congregated around the four people.

It is tradition to have the mothers of the deceased to scatter their ashes and, if they are married, their significant other.

Otou-san silently signalled for them to do it, and the ashes were flung into the sky, suspended and glittering in the sun for one eternal moment, and then falling into the bright blue flowing river, which carried them away to places we will never know.

After the obligatory speech for the deceased, where the Uchiha values were reiterated and the Dragon of Autumn was asked to lead them to their new destinies safely (be it fodder for fish or being a part of the river banks—circle of life at its finest), everyone broke away to the food spread across more than eight huge tables (to prevent congestion).

It was organised, and strangely muted, chaos after that, with children running around and mushing the food with their hands, trying valiantly to stop the adults hording all of Okaa-san's special okonomiyaki; the quiet elderly detaching themselves from the rest and commiserating once again about the standards of humanity plummeting to an early grave in loud enough voices that the freshly graduated could hear, and only years of decorum training stopped them from lashing out, but that didn't stop them from talking over them loudly about how much more difficult the training had gotten from the 'primitive era of shinobi'; the mothers all gathering around Inabi-san's mother and commiserating with her, wishing her all the luck and condolences anyone could ask for; the adults that weren't doing these things were—

Not playfully belittling their wives, like they usually do.

Nudging Shisui-chan, I pointed at them, and the two of us, leaving Itachi-touto and Koki-chan to restore order among the little minions, proceeded to pretend we were helping out and whispering to each other, when really we were eavesdropping like the shinobi-in-training we are.

"—and I've just about had it Fugaku-sama! We can't let this go _on_. We've been disgraced far too many times, and it isn't changing anytime soon," said Weasel-face.

"We've tried our best to change, but if the rest of the narrow-minded bigots don't see that we're _making an effort_ —" whisper-yelled Lemon-ears.

"I say we make an effort in a different way. I say we stand up for ourselves. My wife was _spat_ _on_ last Friday when she went to get the groceries. It's an outrage!" growled Ogre #8.

"They're attacking us Fugaku-sama. Are we supposed to just stand there and watch as our children are ridiculed for the clan they were born into? A clan that they ought to be proud of being in, not scorned for associating with!" silently stated Mime-trainee #22.

"I say we fight back. Tear down their defences like they've been tearing ours. We've been civil, and that isn't working, I say it's time we—" said Weasel-face.

"We do _nothing_. I will speak to the Hokage. He, as you know yourself, doesn't believe it is the Uchiha to blame for the Backstabbing. We won't destabilise our village _and_ our clan, not until we've exhausted all other avenues," said Otou-san firmly.

"But there aren't any—" said Turnip-face.

"There are. So many that we're just not level-headed enough to see. If you want to view this as a battle, Shigure-san, and I understand why you would want to, then _strategize_ as if it were one. Do not go into this with a blind rage and misplaced faith," said Otou-san, overriding Turnip-face.

They all broke off after that, and Otou-san made his way directly to the two of us, and we nonchalantly stuffed so many senbei in our mouths that we looked like hogging chipmunks.

Otou-san looked at us with grim amusement. "Not bad for a couple of trainees. But a word of advice: I'm your father Akito-chan. I know _exactly_ what you're doing, even if no one else does."

Caught in the act, with absolutely no use pretending we weren't trying to eavesdrop, (if we pretended, Otou-san would just get angry with us for presuming to insult his intelligence) I asked, "How long has that been going on?"

Otou-san sighed tiredly and then rubbed his eyes. I haven't seen him look this old since the time he overheard Okaa-san explaining the concept of death to Itachi-touto. (I copped out on that one.)

"A while," he said, blinking wearily. "But I don't want you getting too involved, alright? There's very little a child, no matter how bright, can do."

I'm glad he didn't tell me not to worry. He knew that I knew that he knew it was a useless thing to ask, because this was my clan too, and I would worry nearly just as much as him.

Shisui-chan burst out, "Is there going to be a civil war?"

That was it, that word I'd been trying so _hard_ not to think about, making sure that even the first syllable didn't cross my mind.

"Not likely. It hasn't escalated _that_ badly. I'll talk to the Hokage; he'll come up with something. He is," Otou-san looked away from Shisui-chan's solemn face and smirked at me, "the greatest gift from Kami-sama to mankind after all."

I flushed, grinning at Otou-san with less worry than I'd felt in a while.

If the Kyuubi Attack doesn't happen, maybe Minato-sama really _will_ be able to fix it. And even if it does happen, Minato-sama might fix this issue ( _this issue that's been festering for over three decades…)_ before it happens.

And if it reaches that point no matter what…

…I…I don't…what am I going to _do_?

* * *

We were at the academy the next day, Itachi-touto and Shisui-chan discussing the assignment we'd gotten, when Kabuto tugged at my kimono to signal that he wanted to talk to me in private.

Instead of making a halfway decent excuse to the two of them, I told them we were going to go talk about "girly things". They stared at Kabuto with sheer pity, and I giggled evilly at his glaring face.

He dragged me into one of the empty classrooms, and we both checked for eavesdroppers, both with chakra and through mundane means. I then turned to him expectantly.

"What did you want to talk about, Kabuto?"

He looked unsure, pushing his glasses up with one finger. I smacked his hand reflexively, and this seemed to snap him out of his nervousness. Now if only it snapped him out of that evil habit…

"I've accepted the offer. I'm officially a member."

I kept my face impassive at this news, and he gulped.

"You're not supposed to be telling me this." It wasn't a question. He had that look about him that basically _screamed_ that he was doing something unauthorised.

"I wanted you to know this."

I narrowed my eyes at him thoughtfully. "Why? You don't usually break those kinds of rules."

He breathed deeply, before looking at me with determination. 'I'm worried about Mother—Nonou-san—and I need someone to keep an eye on her, and the orphanage.'

"Understandable. Of course I will Kabuto. Anything for a friend," I replied with a soft smile.

He relaxed after that, and it wasn't until then that I realised he'd been so tensed.

And it did make sense that he told me; he knew that I knew the basics, I'd been there when Danzou had threatened Nonou-san and the orphanage, I (unlike the other adults at the orphanage) had shinobi training and I had some measure of political clout.

I was the least likely to blab and the most likely to actually make a difference if something happened. I don't know whether anything actually does happen or not, seeing as I'd _seriously_ glossed over Kabuto's background story, so I was flying blindly.

But Kabuto was one of my closest friends; I'd keep an eye on his family, just like I know he'd do if our positions were reversed.

Hold on, I just realised—

"Wait. You didn't explicitly state what's going on. Are you unable to?" Did Danzou start branding his minions this early, or did that happen over time?

He looked startled that I'd asked, but meaningfully looked at me and then opened his mouth.

On his tongue was a black seal. He'd been branded like cattle for slaughter.

But he trusted me enough to know, and I'd make sure he would still have an attachment to the village when Orochimaru tried to get him.

He wasn't going to stop coming to the academy all together, not until this semester was over, and then it would be made to look like he couldn't continue and had quit his training to become a shinobi (and since the war was over, he _could_ do it). The orphanage though, knew that he'd been apprenticed to Danzou to an extent, but only the adults knew who specifically had taken him on as an 'apprentice'. And after the threat that landed them in this position in the first place, the caretakers were unlikely to tell anyone about his interference.

Politics.

* * *

A fight broke out on our way out of the academy a week after the funeral. The accused were a boy named Akimichi Maruten and Uchiha Koki.

You read that right: _Koki-chan_ was in a fight with an academy trainee. Albeit in the first year of training only, but this is a boy who's scared to be in the same room as Kabuto, and he doesn't even have creepy Kabuchimaru memories, so it can't be anything but an irrational fear.

Shisui-chan and I simply exchanged a look that conveyed pretty much everything, up to and including what we were having for dinner (yes, we have very expressive eye-contact), and went to one of the fighters each and broke it up.

Several other fights had broken out as well, and there were many a cut lip, broken bones, second-degree burns and bruised egos to heal (although we were hard-pressed to mend the last one, and I wasn't feeling generous enough today to try). Between Kabuto and I, we managed well enough, although when parents came to take their children away, I was looked at with such _distaste_ that if I were anybody else, I would have cried (unless I was Gaara, in which case I'd go on a rampaging murder spree, but you know, whatever floats your boat and all that).

Koki had a busted shoulder and he had quite a few bleeding bruises from when the Akimichi had smashed into him repeatedly (as per their fighting style—you can always tell which major clan a child is from by the injuries of their victims), while Akimichi-chan had several bleeding scratches from when Koki-chan tried to claw his way out from under his body slam (which was a reasonable thing for a civilian boy to do when faced with the Akimichi fighting style—I'm actually quite proud of Koki-chan. Who knew he had it in him?)

That didn't stop me from being exasperated and just the slightest bit afraid.

"What do you think you two are doing?" I asked sternly.

Akimichi-chan just looked at me dirtily and muttered, "Uchiha scum" under his breath. I narrowed my eyes at him dangerously.

"I helped you when crocodiles were chasing you through the swamp last spring, I healed your knee when you slipped in a rain puddle this winter, we've played ring-a-ring-a-roses several times over the years, I've been to your _house_ and sat down and had meals with your family _several_ times, Akimichi-chan. Since when did I become **scum** to you?"

He blushed brightly.

Several people had stopped to stare, and I realised that it was about time I started trying to fix this mess.

"Since the Backstabbing? Since one of my family _supposedly_ killed one of yours? I don't know about you Akimichi-chan, but _I_ was at home when the attack happened, getting ready to go visit my Otou-san. _I_ wasn't there, my Otouto wasn't there—he was with me, my Okaa-san wasn't there—she was doing the laundry, my Oba-san wasn't there—she was helping Okaa-san with the cooking, my Oji-san wasn't there—he was at the Uchiha Senbei like he always is.

I could go on, but I think I've made my point. You weren't there, the majority of the _village_ wasn't there, and Koki-chan _definitely_ wasn't there. You can't call me _**scum**_ when I've done nothing but be a friend to you. That's not fair to _any_ of my family actually. And it's not fair to yours either; you're implying that a _civilian_ _boy_ who has _no_ idea about politics had _anything_ to do with Akimichi-sama's unfortunate death."

Dead silence, and Akimichi-chan looked both scared and ashamed.

I didn't raise my voice once, although I was tempted to. I used a lot of italics though, as I simultaneously healed Koki-chan and scolded Akimichi-chan.

"Here, here!" yelled Kushina-ba-chan, and many a head swivelled to see where the voice had come from.

But what captured everyone's attention was the blond man next to her, calmly taking everyone in. His eyes rested on Akimichi-chan and I, his face giving nothing away. And then he spoke.

"It's come to the point where an academy trainee attacked a civilian, deliberately, because of a terrible event that had nothing to do with either one of them."

Some looked away, some trembled, some looked defiant. More and more people joined the gathering, and by the time he'd finished the sentence, it felt like the entire academy had come out to see him speak, along with the majority of the patrons in the various restaurants and pubs around us. We were at the heart of Konoha, the Hokage tower, the academy, the marketplace— _everything_ was here.

And I thought that this was _perfect_. Maybe, just _maybe_ , things wouldn't escalate anymore. Maybe it _wouldn't_ happen.

He continued. "Akimichi Chouza was a dear friend of mine, and I still mourn his death. But that doesn't mean I don't mourn Uchiha Inabi's death; it doesn't mean I've forgotten Nakamura Riku or that I don't mourn Hitsuzen-san's loss. All their families felt the loss, and the _seven year old_ in front of you put it quite aptly: it isn't fair to _any_ of them to blame innocents for the work of unknowns."

He paused and made eye contact with seemingly everyone before saying, "Many people seem to think this was an inside job."

Several people gasped, and I was one of them. Shisui-chan, Kabuto and I shared a shocked look between us—it wasn't normal for _literally everyone_ to know about the details.

But maybe this was necessary. Maybe Minato-sama thought things had gone far enough, and that any and all spies (because there will _always_ be those that escape detection, no matter how stringent and meticulous the system) wouldn't benefit from anything he was going to reveal.

"This rumour is just a way for the enemy to destabilise us. We are all from Konoha, this is _all_ our homes, may we be Akimichi, Uchiha, Hyuuga or Aburame, may we be Inuzuka or Yuhi or Umino, may we be civilians or minor clansmen, or orphans or immigrants. This is _our home_ , and this hatred is destroying us from within."

He looked at the gathering solemnly.

"We've won the war outside, and it would be the greatest tragedy if we started a war on the inside, because _no one_ would win. At this point in time…"

He looked, it seemed, into everyone's souls and spoke with the utmost conviction and disappointment, "You're all traitors to Konoha."

Way to make everyone feel like crap Minato-sama!

I didn't even do anything, but oh Kami-sama do I feel like shit.

Traitor is about the _worst_ insult or brand _anyone_ , civilian or shinobi, could get. This entire world was built on loyalty and patriotism. Those that didn't have it were, as Obito-kun put it so aptly, worse than scum.

"But we can change that," he said, the harshness of his voice tempered with a quiet persuasion. "It isn't too late to fix this divide we've unwittingly created. Chouza-san was a powerful shinobi, and the _true_ perpetrator could not have been one of the other shinobi present. Don't let your hatred blind you from the truth."

"Don't let hatred make you see things that aren't there. Or peace will **never** be attainable."

The crowd scattered after a while (some people had applauded the speech, some had drunkenly started chanting 'Yon-dai-me!' repeatedly until the bartenders began ushering them back in after a signal from Minato-sama).

Kushina-ba-chan came towards us and, after the last of the crowd had dispersed (and Kabuto had healed Akimichi-chan), Minato-sama came as well, speaking a few words to Akimichi-chan, who blushed and then mumbled an apology to both Koki-chan and I, before scampering off to the academy.

I asked, "Do you think that did the trick, Minato-sama?"

He looked at me with a world weary smile on his face. "It'll take a lot more than that to change the minds of thousands, Akito-chan."

Huffing in annoyance, Kushina-ba-chan pulled Koki-chan up and led Itachi-touto and Kabuto to the academy, Shisui-chan lingering back for me.

He sighed almost inaudibly, but then, looking at the bright blue sky, he said softly, "But it's a start. And sometimes, that's all that's really needed."

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uchiha Mikoto was chopping vegetables and preparing something that smelled divine as her two children watched her from the arch of the door.

Itachi turned to his Aneki and solemnly announced, "We need to get her books on child rearing. She's absolutely hopeless at parenting and I don't want our Otouto to suffer for it."

He looked so constipated with worry that Akito instantly agreed.

Perhaps this was the reason Mikoto was such an awesome mother to Sasuke.

Itachi is literally divine intervention.

* * *

 _Sorry for the long wait. So, what do you people think? Should, given what all has happened, the Kyuubi Attack happen? I have my own ideas, but I want a bit of an idea how other people feel. Who's your favourite character so far?_

 _Also, Akimichi Maruten is an actual canon character._

 ** _Edited 25/02/2017_**


	7. Rocky Road

_**'Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.'**_

* * *

Minato-sama was right, as per usual. The anger and hatred and taunts and jeers had not gone away, but it was better than it had been before.

Kushina-ba-chan hasn't been around a lot though, and I'm hard pressed to think of a reason why.

So, like any loving and not at all only-doing-this-because-she's-bored goddaughter would do, I decided to pay her a surprise visit. At midnight.

Okay, so I had a premonitory nightmare and it freaked me out. There was screaming, and dying, and terrible puns, and there might have been a teenage Umbridge involved (spoiler alert: she had terrible acne). It was basically hell and, besides, I needed to see Kushina-ba-chan _anyway_.

Plus, this is her job; I'm her goddaughter and I am entitled to the midnight coddling my Okaa-san can't seem to provide. (A long time ago, mother used to rock me to sleep with an old rural town lullaby, and I sang it to my brothers. And then I sang it to Itachi-touto too. I miss them…)

Knocking softly for a good three minutes, I grew glad that I'd stopped to drape a shawl around my shoulders. It's probably going to rain tonight; the chill almost feels like it's creeping into my bones.

Kushina-ba-chan opened the door sleepily (she's a pretty good chakra sensor and so is Minato-sama, so I'm not surprised that there weren't any further precautions like code words protecting them from any run-of-the-mill assassin—why did the ANBU allow me to enter the Hokage's home unhindered again? Maybe I'm on some approved list…either that or they didn't deem me strong enough to be a threat. I don't blame them; I'm seven) but stilled when she saw it was me.

"Aki-chan? What are you doing here?" she whispered.

"I…I had a nightmare," I whispered back.

If I were a regular Uchiha, or even a regular shinobi, I wouldn't have admitted to that. But I'm not a regular Uchiha or shinobi—I'm a nearly twenty-five year old child with a healthy amount of self-esteem, meaning that things others find weaknesses, I find completely normal and so therefore, I don't have the same social hindrances that others do.

This makes me either extremely brave, or weird in a bad way depending on the audience. Sometimes it just makes me feel far too old, and at those times I stuff as many dango down my throat as possible to prove that my metabolism hasn't slowed down even the slightest bit, so obviously I'm _not_ ageing.

Did you know that the Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian travelled with a casket because he wanted to be ready for his inevitable death wherever he was? I don't know who told me or how I came to find out, but I found it funny.

See, this is what I meant by random thoughts just floating into my head and distracting me.

Kushina-ba-chan bit her lower lip in what seemed like worry or concern, before sighing and saying, 'Now's really not a good time Aki-chan…'

"Kushina-ba-chan, I haven't seen you in more than three months. Please, just one cup of raspberry and cinnamon tea?"

I even clasped my hands together and consciously dilated my pupils (a trick Okaa-san taught me so that I'll be able to seduce men three times my age. I mean, if you put aside the idea that this is useful for a fair few types of missions—espionage, infiltration, assassination—I don't know whether it's all parents in this world or just Okaa-san that encourages paedophilia…) until she relented with another sigh.

The house was darker than I was used to, and Kushina-ba-chan wasn't switching on any of the lights. I found that odd, but after sitting down on the bright orange couch that I always occupied whenever I visited, it didn't seem to matter. I sunk into the cushiony familiarity of the couch with my legs folded underneath me.

Soft pattering of feet could be heard from the little kitchen, and a while later, Kushina-ba-chan came into the room with two cups of steaming tea. The moon was hidden behind the clouds, but the little light coming from the window illuminated Kushina-ba-chan's silhouette.

Thanking her quietly, I began sipping, sorting out my thoughts like you would clear out a filing cabinet. Not that my mind is that organised, but that's what it feels like when I'm trying to get rid of that horrid pessimistic fatality.

Compartmentalisation, I believe it's called, except I think myself through every bad scenario and work out how unlikely it is, thus making the nightmare less potent. It's logical _and_ calming, killing two birds with one stone.

Heh, I remember when I first taught Itachi-touto that phrase. He must have misheard or misunderstood, because I overheard him telling Koki-chan that he was going to 'kill two birds with six stones'.

Foolish little brother.

"Thanks for letting me come in, Kushina-ba-chan. Is Minato-sama asleep?" I whispered.

She grunted in affirmation, and it was only then that I noticed her rather…rotund figure.

Ah, so that's why she's been avoiding the outside and didn't switch on the lights. No one knows that she's pregnant. Or rather, no one is supposed to know that she's pregnant. Well, might as well let her know that I know; no use beating around the bush.

Oh yeah! Two idiomatic phrases in a row; I'm on fire!

"Are we expecting a happy event?"

"Eh?" she asked confusedly.

"She means, are you pregnant, Kushina?" said a familiar voice from one of the darkened corners. Even in the limited lighting, his blond head of hair glowed.

Stammering, Kushina-ba-chan asked, "Wh…what! How do you—who told you, Aki-chan!?"

More amused than frightened (Kushina-ba-chan had never frightened me, and not _just_ because she was half my OTP either), I channelled my inner Kung Fu Panda and said, "I figured it out."

Minato-sama sighed from the doorway before switching on the lights, nearly blinding both of us. We tried to ward the light away with our hands, acting like the vampires we _must_ have been (because, the Uchiha are descended from demons…apparently, and Kushina-ba-chan has a demon in her gut, so it counts. But then, neither one of us sparkles…)

"Ah, Mikoto-san is expecting as well, isn't she? I suppose you noticed the…similarities in their physiques," said Minato-sama mildly.

Kushina-ba-chan glared at him. "Are you calling me fat!?"

"What - me? No, of course not!" His voice had reached a pitch only Inuzuka could hear by the end of that, and I had to giggle.

"Don't worry, Kushina-ba-chan, I promise I won't tell. You can trust me to keep it a secret," I said, smiling reassuringly.

The two of them exchanged a glance I couldn't decipher, before Kushina-ba-chan said, "You _promise,_ Aki-chan? Even from your prosthetic? And Itachi-chan?"

My prosthetic is what she calls Shisui-chan, because he's usually right beside me wherever I go. Brilliant naming sense that woman has…it's no wonder her baby is named after a ramen topping…

"Promise Kushina-ba-chan," I said without hesitation. This wouldn't be the first thing I kept from everyone around me (the future comes to mind) so I had no worries about accidentally spilling the secret.

And even if I did, I was a good liar. It came from the fact that no one expected me to lie, so when I did they thought I wasn't. But, there isn't really anything I have to hide that I actively have to avoid. I mean, how many times does reincarnation and alternative dimensions come into a conversation anyway? So, I generally don't have to lie.

Except about the number of dango I eat…everyone knows I underreport my dango consumption.

After that, the air was cleared. We chattered for a little while longer, before I bid them good night and took my leave. Kushina-ba-chan asked me to visit, and I asked her some unassuming questions that led her to promising me that if any of the Orphanage caretakers did anything suspicious, I would be informed.

No, don't ask me how I managed that. Really, I still don't know how that happened or why they agreed.

Oh well.

Mission accomplished?

* * *

There was an attack on Minato-sama's life the other day.

Guess who's getting blamed for that?

I'll give you a clue: the attempt required a strong practical knowledge of shurikenjutsu (Uchiha clan specialty), there was fire involved, and even though there was a meeting between the Hokage and the Uchiha elders going on at the time, no Uchiha got hurt.

If you get this wrong, you're an idiot.

Did this happen in canon? Masashi Kishimoto, I could _strangle_ you right now!

* * *

Obito-kun has been out and about for the last three days.

Now, let's add a bit to that sentence to make it more relevant than it already is: Obito-kun has been and about for the last three days, and the mockery hasn't stopped.

It hasn't helped him one bit that he was the only one who got seriously injured during the Kannabi bridge mission, but add onto it the fact that The White Fang's Tantō shattered into two pieces on the same mission, that Kakashi-san lost a finger in that skirmish (yeah, I know. The man just _had_ to lose a body part didn't he? No matter how much of this world I change, Kakashi-san will _always_ be missing a few important bits...in the least pervy way possible of course.) and the fact that the hatred of the populace against the Uchiha has risen again after the assassination attempt on Minato-sama, well.

It's not really a surprise is it?

I was with Okaa-san looking for threads to practise embroidery with for the Kunoichi Classes when I heard the nickname he'd garnered.

You know how Obito-kun had been squashed by a cave in and essentially destroyed the left side of his body? Yeah, that didn't matter to most people; he was a shinobi. The odds of seeing a shinobi without scars is as low as Hitler was racially tolerant.

What _did_ matter to people though, was the fact that he'd lost an eye. Not the eye he gave Kakashi in the original version of events, but the other eye—the one that got squashed, the one he'd possessed in the original version without Zetsu implantations. As I understand it, the eye had been damaged by the rock fall to the point of no return, and there was a very high risk of sympathetic opthalmia that the medics hadn't noticed initially. Essentially meaning that the eye had to be enucleated (or, in non-medic speak, removed) or he risked going blind in his functioning right eye as well (the one he gave Kakashi in the original version).

But that's just background information. What you ought to be focussing on is the way Ichirou-san, the carpenter, is telling the same story to Hiroyuki-san.

"He ran, see, and the White Fang's son, may Kami-sama have mercy on his soul—you remember the White Fang, don'tcha Hiroyuki?—he says to him 'stop, it's downright traitorous o' you to run from a teammate' and the buggering Uchiha—scum that they all are, I heard rumours about 'em, didja know? Some 'at to do with Hokage-sama, bless that man—the Uchiha, I hear, spit in his face and told him to shove his goodness in someone else's face, he says, 'cause he don't care. So, doing the honest to goodness thing anyone woulda done, he ripped the boys' eye out and told him that he ought to use 'em fancy eyes to do some good for the world, 'stead of bleeding the economy dry with his airs. He says to him, I'll use 'em eyes to save the girl, and you just sit back and relax—cause that's all their good fer, ain't it the truth Hiroyuki?—and you know what the Uchiha brat goes and does? Breaks his father's tantō like as if to say 'there, now you have to pay fer showin' me up'! The nerve of some people, ain't that right, Hiroyuki?"

It's rather ironic, wouldn't you say?

Oh, but the best bit was when Hiroyuki-san, bless his crotchety soul, deadpanned and said, "Do I know you?"

I laughed so loudly, throwing the metaphorical caution to the winds and scaring quite a few people. Okaa-san was so embarrassed by me that she threatened to cut my dango supply if I didn't regain even a modicum of dignity.

It was worth it though. After all, Hiroyuki-san even half-smiled at me for a blink of an eye.

And no, it wasn't just wishful thinking, no matter what Shisui-chan says…

* * *

Sitting in Rin-chan's cosy apartment, with the lingering lemony smell of the hospital in the air, Obito-kun and Rin-chan looked at the latest update of Obito-kun's shinobi profile. Kushina-ba-chan gave it to me on my last visit, saying that it gave her a kick and that the feeling needed to be shared.

I agreed whole-heartedly. Obito-kun's furious and flushed face was priceless, but nothing topped Rin-chan's open-mouthed shock, with tea dribbling onto her lap from the teapot that was still pouring tea into the overfilled teacup.

"One-eyed Wonder?! They're calling me—what the hell!" exclaimed Obito-kun.

Indeed. I mean, Kakashi in canon never got called that, but then, he'd only lost an eye for like, five minutes or so, and then he'd gained a Sharingan…

"That's really cruel. It wasn't your fault that Shiki-sensei is a complete _retard_ —" said Rin angrily.

"Am I missing something?" I asked.

Kakashi-san (the only blot on this perfect day) came into the room just in time to hear that. "Yes, everything. But that's hardly new."

I grit my teeth but let the comment slide in favour of mentally cooing at how, even though it must be causing him a lot of pain, he reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly, kissed her cheek and told her to "Calm down Rin. At least one of us needs their brains intact, and we both know I'm a lost cause."

"But that _idiot_! If he'd noticed sooner we would've only had to eviscerate it and you wouldn't have to take so much flak from everyone!"

Let me explain that: eviscerating the eye means that the iris and cornea would be gone, but the structures around it would be intact and if he closed his eyelid, it would still look like something's in there. Enucleate (which is what they did) is removal of even that, so when the eyelid is closed over the emptiness, it's obvious nothing's there.

"On the plus side," I said as Rin-chan slowly calmed down before she worked herself into a frenzy (she's getting more and more high strung this past week—something about lack of sleep or something). "Obito-kun gets free sweets and senbei."

The entire clan feels nothing but the utmost sympathy for Obito-kun, because he lost an eye _just_ after gaining the Sharingan, because he was a really close friend of mine and because he missed the last Akamatsu (people had missed his clumsiness and willingness to help even when he had no idea what he was doing).

"Yes, what's the loss of an eye when you can have a lifetime supply of sympathy treats for free?" Kakashi-san retorted drily.

I did the most sensible and mature thing _**ever**_ _._

I stuck my tongue out at him when his back was turned.

Sarcastic twit…

* * *

There are not very many things that surprise me (Akimichi Chouza's death had only made me guilty, but, thank Kami-sama, not all of it bad news because Chouji was born just over a month ago on May the 1st. Although, that just makes me feel worse about the fact that Chouza missed his son's birth by _a month_. Can you believe how sad that is?! The Great Backstabbing happened on April 10th, and his son was born _literally_ a month after...ouch.), and in the comfortable silence of our Bimonthly Brushathon, when Okaa-san valiantly battles through my hair to get rid of the knots I accumulate over the two week gap between them, there're not very many people that interrupt us either.

Okaa-san was brushing my hair as I hummed the Bob the Builder theme song, and she even joined me in my humming (another convert!). This was our mother-daughter time, where we just relaxed in the absence of testosterone (not that I mind it, mind you. But Okaa-san needs girl time, something I've never really needed, and it _is_ nice spending time together, just the two of us) without feeling guilty about it.

So yes, nothing should have surprised me, but surprise me it did.

Actually, scratch that; shocked, horrified, traumatised and staggered me.

Itachi-touto, calm, cool and collected Itachi-touto, who never let anything affect him overly much because of his equitable disposition, ran into the room and began crying into my arms without ceremony.

He just ran into the room and right into my arms, which I'd subconsciously lifted into a 'hug me?' gesture when I saw the pain in his eyes, nearly bowling me over.

I stroked his hair and murmured into his ears, all the while wondering what was wrong. To the extent of my knowledge, he was supposed to be at Koki-chan's house, doing friend things. What could have _possibly_ happened?

Okaa-san worriedly got to her feet gracefully, despite the roundness of her belly and the swollenness of her ankles (so unfair…). With the part of my brain that wasn't completely devoted to Itachi-touto, I recognised this as odd behaviour. Okaa-san is _always_ calm, kind of like Itachi-touto. I guess it just emphasises exactly how _weird_ this breach of stoicism is for my baby brother.

"I'll go make some tea," she said, heading out the sliding door and leaving it open. (Cultural thing; when you want a private conversation, leave the door open apparently, because that's a brilliant way for voices _not_ to carry…but it makes sense as well, because eavesdroppers only cared for secrets, and a shut door means secrets, so open door means nothing interesting is going on inside. Or something.) I guess she's learnt something from Kushina-ba-chan after all; tea makes everything better.

"What happened Otouto?" I asked quietly, carding my fingers through his tangle-free hair.

Through quiet sniffing and hitches in throats, Itachi-touto told me about his first proper encounter with Inuzuka Hana.

I think she's Kiba's sister, but I'm not too sure on that one.

Apparently, she'd been lying in wait for him to challenge him to a fight, claiming that if she "pummelled him into the ground", the academy "would just _have_ to promote her!" Itachi-touto, not caring much for needless violence, told her that he wasn't interested and encouraged her to find other avenues for promotion.

She'd snarled and tried to attack him. He dodged reflexively, and she fell into the dirt, promptly thereafter declaring him her "rival for life!" (Kami-sama, _another_ pair of eternal rivals?!) He had no idea what to do in that type of situation, but he tried to tell her that he didn't want to be her rival, and that he would much rather be friends.

'And th-then, she looked at me as if I was-was stupid...and s-said, said that I was an Uchiha and so I didn't deserve friends. And it wa-wasn't what she said so much as _how_ she said it Aneki…she said it like as if it were a fact, and she was confused because she thought it was common knowledge. It's _ingrained_ in her. Our generation is slowly turning anti-Uchiha sentiment into a core value, and their hatred for us just _keeps_ increasing. How are we going to _stop_ it?"

He looked at me then, his eyes still shining with tears; he was crying for all the children that didn't know any better, and for all the potential relationships (friendly or otherwise) that were now lost because of prejudice.

He keeps doing things that humble me.

So I picked him up, set him on his feet without a word and tied my partially detangled hair into a high ponytail before launching myself out of the house (pausing at the front door to put on my shoes), calling back at Okaa-san to tell her I was heading out. She told me to have fun.

No questions asked at all. I cannot emphasise how bad the parenting is.

Itachi-touto trailed behind me (after casting a discreet genjutsu to wipe any signs of his crying—Uchiha Lesson #36) as I marched all the way to the Inuzuka sector of Konoha, where a wall separated their community from the pawn shop and menagerie of pet shops.

"Aneki?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know how to re-educate the entirety of society Otouto, but I'm trying. Clearly, more people need to start trying, because this isn't a one-woman job. Who better to start things off with than reasonable parents?"

Itachi-touto looked mildly confused, but the fact that he was reassured that work was being done to stop the _hate_ (and I'd been working overtime, believe me. It's a miracle Shisui-chan isn't complaining after all the running around Konoha we do on a regular basis, trying to subtly change people's minds and keeping up contact with other families. My legs are getting a proper workout, let's just leave it at that.)

Knocking smartly on the clan head's door (I'm pretty sure Hana is Kiba's sister, but even if she isn't, I can always ask the clan head where she lives; it's their job to know after all), I waited for the barking from the inside to stop.

I've never been particularly fond of dogs. I'm a 'cat person' as they call it, although it's mostly the slobber and the fact that they eat literally _everything_ , up to and including their own faeces, that makes me thusly. I do think puppies are cute, but kittens are better.

Maybe that's why I don't get along with Kakashi-san! Chicken fajitas on a shish kebab, I've finally figured it out!

A door opened without preamble, with a wild looking woman with pointy canines and sharp eyes (and a heavily pregnant figure—oh yeah, Kiba has to be born this year too…stupid Akito…) staring me down.

"Can I help, pipsqueak?" she said not unkindly.

"Yes, Inuzuka-sama. Is this the residence of Inuzuka Hana?" I asked respectfully yet purposefully.

"Who's asking?" she asked casually, leaning against the door frame.

"Perhaps we could take this inside?" I said politely.

She looked at me and Itachi-touto for a moment more before jerking her head in the universal gesture for 'get in, you're letting in the cold'. We followed her into a haphazard minefield of stuff that towed the fine line between cluttered and clean, and I could just picture Okaa-san coming in here and instantly cleaning _everything_ with the ferocity of a tiger. Her obsessive cleaning apparently gets worse with the addition of pregnancy hormones.

Hurray.

Sitting on a couch and barking for Hana, she gestured for us to take a seat.

"Thank you, Inuzuka-sama," I said, slipping into keigo. "It seemed pertinent to inform you that your daughter has wounded my brother most terribly," I said with a smile.

She looks bemused and then amused. 'Go on.'

"She doesn't hate unnecessarily, but that she hates at all is a cause for concern, especially when she doesn't know why."

Cryptic though I might have been, Inuzuka-sama understood what I was trying to get at.

"I see. What am I supposed to do about it, pipsqueak? I can't keep her indoors all hours of the day, and talking to idiots makes me want to kill them, but for one reason or another that's frowned upon," she said gruffly, with a hint of levity in her voice.

It was a good question. What _could_ she do? There wasn't exactly a whole lot that could be done. Hana was just another victim of sheep mentality and societal indoctrination.

"You could tell her, for one. Children aren't stupid Inuzuka-sama, so you won't feel like killing her if you do. It isn't good for her to discriminate against people for no other reason than that other people do it," I said.

I could tell she wasn't sold on the idea, but it's the best I could do. But…

"To change the mind of the masses, we have to start somewhere, right?"

Before I could figure out what her suddenly shuttered expression meant, someone burst into the house and ran into the living room. Inuzuka-sama snapped her head to him and pierced him with a gaze so sharp you could almost cut yourself by being in her line of vision.

The teenager that had run into the room had a grim and panicked look on his face, the red fangs on his face signifying his Inuzuka-ness.

"What is it, Shiga?" she barked.

"There was an attack on Sandaime-sama's home," he said gravely. "Sarutobi Mariko is dead."

This pronouncement was met with dead silence.

My mind was whirling a mile a minute, and Itachi-touto had a tight grip on my sleeve. Sarutobi Mariko was an ANBU; it was an open secret that she and her husband were both in ANBU, working under her father, the Sandaime. Whoever attacked must have been immensely strong, or incredibly sneaky. I have a gut feeling that the attempted assassination of Minato-sama and this incident are linked somehow.

Did this happen in canon?

"What else?" Inuzuka-sama demanded.

Shiga-san hesitated, before blurting it out in one breath. "The perpetrator of the attack had only escaped a few seconds before others were on the scene. Based on that, they caught someone basically red-handed. He…"

"He _what,_ Shiga?" she snapped impatiently.

"It was Inuzuka Kōji, Inuzuka-sama," he ended firmly.

If the silence was deafening before, it was ringing now. An Inuzuka? But…that's the last clan you'd expect! An Inuzuka attacking someone of that high a profile, especially covertly…it just isn't their style. Plus, there was no apparent motive. What could possibly be gained?

Inuzuka-sama was glaring so hard it's a wonder she didn't ignite his head with her mind.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Inuzuka-sama. Kōji-san definitely had the skill to pull it off, and he was found with bloodstains on his clothing. He's in a holding cell as we speak, and as his clan head, you've been called to the Basement," he said. Basement is our term of endearment for the T&I levels of the Hokage Tower, and to be called there makes anyone nervous, let alone a pregnant tycoon of a woman like Inuzuka-sama (who didn't seem to be cowed at all, the brave woman).

"That doesn't mean much," said Itachi-touto, startling the rest of the gathering. I agreed, but I'd let him explain while I get over the sheer craziness of this situation.

"Bloodstains on clothing is nothing special, and while Sarutobi-san was exceptionally skilled, there are many in the village that would be equally as suspect. Since they didn't take him directly into questioning and actually went through the formality of calling you in as well Inuzuka-sama, it is very unlikely that they truly believe he was the culprit. It's most likely just a formality."

Well articulated, and Inuzuka-sama seemed to have that look that most people have when Itachi-touto speaks to them; shock, awe and a 'can he do that again?' expression rolled into one, sprinkled with a mild case of hero-worship.

Shiga-san hesitated again. "It's still too early to tell, but…"

"But what, Shiga?" she asked with an unintentional growl.

"They think it might have something to do with the fact that Kōji was in a long-term relationship with an Uchiha. Word on the street is that the Inuzuka support the Uchiha."

A couple of years ago, that would have been something to be proud of. Now, it just led to trouble to be seen as 'in cahoots' with the Uchiha clan.

"We should go Inuzuka-sama. Thank you for your hospitality," I said with a bow, which Itachi-touto replicated (not a deep bow, but a deeper bow than most, as we've been taught by Okaa-san).

She snorted. "Don't stand on ceremony, pipsqueak and brother. I think we'll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on. No point pretending otherwise."

And she was right, I reflected, as we were leaving the compound and walking back home. If the situation was serious enough to vilify the Inuzuka just as the Uchiha had been (but never as badly, because the Uchiha have a current _and_ historic seemingly-tarnished record while the Inuzuka had none of the same problems), then the two clans were likely to open channels of communication to find ways to mitigate the problem and reduce losses.

Politics.

I froze in the middle of taking off my shoes, worrying Itachi-touto with my stillness. But at that point in time, I didn't care because…

Sarutobi Mariko was Konohamaru's mother.

She's dead.

And so is he, before he was even _conceived_.

Kami-sama, _what is going on?_

* * *

Shisui-chan, Koki-chan, Itachi-touto and I were shopping for non-essentials for our respective parents. Koki-chan looked like he would jump out of his own skin every time someone looked at him weirdly. I guess he's spent this year's courage stipend with that stunt he pulled against Akimichi-chan.

Either that or he's traumatised.

Oh well.

I was looking at the different swords on display (and I know for a fact that Shisui-chan was drooling over this kabutowari, and I have to say, he has really good taste—it was _beautiful_ ), but I didn't want one.

Don't get me wrong, they were amazing and powerful and everything a pointy-object-lover could possibly want (I'm a proud member of the fan club myself), but they just weren't right.

I wanted a long something, and I would have said a bō would have been my ideal idea of a weapon, because I…I don't want my enemies to get close to me, not to the point they could accidentally-on-purpose slit my jugular. That is one type of scarlet woman I never want to be.

But a bō doesn't kill without a lot of force expended, or hitting the enemy _just_ right, both of which aren't things I excel at, and if there's a war (which, you know, there was), it _will_ get me killed.

Not might, but actually, unflinchingly _will_.

I like short swords, but I'm not comfortable with getting that close to someone who's trying to kill me. Taijutsu is all well and good when I'm practicing or sparring, but it will be the last thing on my mind when I'm fighting someone.

Genjutsu and Ninjutsu are my favourite, not only because of how _magical and AWESOME_ they are, but also because they're long range techniques.

But that doesn't mean I don't like looking at them, and the boys certainly weren't complaining.

Well, Koki-chan was whimpering at the gleam in Shisui-chan's eyes as he eyed the weapons, but then, he whimpers if I bring up Pikachu, so you'll excuse me for blanking him.

…seriously, who gets scared of Pikachu?!

Itachi-touto tugged on my kimono sleeve, and when I looked down at him, he pointed at a—

By Godric, that's perfect!

It's a really long pole with a detachable blade at the end, so it's stabby stabby _and_ swingy swingy!

I grinned so widely, Koki-chan nearly started crying. Holding Itachi-touto's hand, I walked quickly into the store (not 'ran into the store' because _that_ is unbecoming of an Uchiha heiress. Ah, indoctrination…oh well, it isn't a terrible thing to do, and I smile enough for it not to come off as arrogance, and besides, being dignified can only ever be an advantage) and spoke to the blacksmith.

The first thing I noticed about the blacksmith is that he had really pretty eyes, brown and wide like a doe's.

The second thing I noticed was that he had a baby strapped to his back, and the baby had a panda hat on.

She was sleeping, and her cheeks were rosy from the warmth of the approaching summer (not that it ever got _cold_ in Fire Country. We'd be lucky to have minor temperature fluctuations on a good winter's day. In January. Kami-sama, we are worse than Suna! At least they have cold nights! Of all the things I miss about my old life, the sunny weather is _definitely_ not one of them. I'm a winter child, in case you couldn't tell…)

She was adorabable! With intentional spelling error!

"Can I help you, Uchiha-san?" said the shop owner, with a heavy frown in my direction. I see he is an Akimichi sympathetic.

"Yes, that'd be awesome," I replied, practically bursting with excitement. "What _is_ that beautiful piece of weaponry, and _where_ can I learn to properly use it?"

I suppose seeing my unbridled enthusiasm for something he created softened him up, or maybe it was Koki-chan's deathly pale face, because he became a tad less cold.

"That, Uchiha-san, is a naginata. One of the few I've made, and one of the easiest for me to customise in a short period of time. For an additional fee, of course," he spoke in a clipped, precise tone, and if that naginata wasn't the love of my life (not counting Itachi-touto obviously) I would have walked out of that store and never gone back again.

It's one thing to bargain, it's quite another to be treated like an unwanted waste of space. Shisui-chan didn't let it slide.

"Ah," he said nonchalantly, sliding his thumb across one of the katana on display, in a sign of perfect control. "Are you sure that tone is an appropriate one for a paying and interested customer, Ken-san?"

Ken-san (and don't ask me how he knows the man's name, because for the life of me I have no clue. But then, that's okay. Shisui-chan knows all the things that I don't; like a parachute when I'm in freefall, any information I miss, he processes and stores. We've been like this for _years_. It's as normal as breathing.) seemed to be stubborn though, and gruffly grunted that he hadn't disrespected anyone.

"Be that as it may, Ken-san, your reception was hardly befitting a businessman, and it is not your disrespect or lack thereof that counts; it is the customers' feelings on the matter," said Itachi-touto, with as much calm as the eye of a hurricane. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am!

But this needs to stop. We're fighting an unnecessary battle, and I _really_ like that naginata. Plus, I think that baby's Tenten. I've finally placed her dad's eyes.

"That's alright, I wasn't offended," I said, smiling at him in a friendly manner. "You said you could customise it. What features could you change, Ken-san?"

Reluctantly, he began rattling off the features: length of the wooden pole to suit my height, type of wood, varnish, blade strength, detachability…

"You can carve a _dragon_ onto the blade? That's amazing!" I exclaimed, and the grumpy guy let out a chuckle. Without even realising it, Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto both relaxed (Koki-chan was still a quivering bundle of nerves, but how's that new? Alright…maybe he was shaking less…) and the proceedings became far less tense and a lot more fun.

"So," Ken-san said, adjusting the baby on his back (I'm _sure_ she's Tenten. I can see the resemblance, both in the baby and the father) and she sneezed lightly before snuggling back into his back (I think I'm having a kawaii meltdown. Call me back in a hundred years…Tell my grandchildren it was worth it!).

"You want a 1.7 metre long naginata (even though you're a chibi and it'll be nearly twice your height) with two detachable blades, one with the Dragon of Autumn carved into it and the other one plain. Standard metal for the blade and blackened ash for the wood. Sound about right, Chibi-hime?" he drawled gruffly, and I nodded happily.

Also, what is it with shopkeepers and nicknames? It's a good thing I have a better memory than I did Before, or I tell you, I would have _no_ idea who they were calling for when they yelled 'Aki-chi!' or 'Smiley-face!' or 'Basket-case!')

Shisui-chan brought forward a pair of nine inch long double-edged daggers, and Ken-san grunted at him. "That'll be costing you a lot. You sure you can afford 'em?"

Shisui-chan answered with good humour. "If she can afford a customised naginata, I'm sure I can manage these."

You might be wondering where I'm getting the money to pay for all this (and yes, I'm paying for Shisui-chan's purchases too). The answer is simple: I don't spend my money on _anything_. I get an allowance every month, and it's neither too large a sum nor too small (relatively speaking of course. We're not a spectacularly wealthy family—most Uchiha aren't. It's the sum of the whole that is filthy rich, not the individual families. The Hyuuga and the Senju though, are a different matter), but I don't spend it on anything other than treating my friends and little brother. I've never had to.

Okaa-san and Otou-san buy me anything and everything I need, before I even realise I need it. I'm not spoilt and neither is Itachi-touto; our parents are simply miles ahead of us in terms of planning ahead. We don't get too much (except hairgrips, which seem to disappear the minute I take them out of my hair…) but we don't need to ask for extra money.

And so this is my treat to Shisui-chan, and I'll be taking them out for a meal today as well. It sounds like it would all cost a lot, but Okaa-san gives me some money for doing errands for her and the like, so it's all within my budget, even if the customisation will be stretching it.

It's a good thing the naginata is the cheapest weapon to make (excepting the bō of course, but then, the bō is always an exception.), or this might have been impossible.

Paying half the money as an advance for the naginata and promising to collect it in three weeks' time, and then paying for Shisui-chan's weapons, we bade Ken-san goodbye (and I even got to say goodbye to the just-woken-up baby…she's so adorabable!)

I think I've just converted a shopkeeper to the Uchiha-aren't-evil cult, and I wasn't even seriously trying.

Cue evil chibi smirk here.

It was on our way out that Itachi-touto tensed and seemed to radiate anger almost. Calmly looking at what he was, I just managed to catch a civilian _spit on_ Fumiko-obaa-san's face.

The woman is over ninety. I can see why Itachi-touto's angry, but honestly? I'm just disappointed.

Shisui-chan sighs next to me, any good mood from his new purchases (gifts really) fading at the utter degradation of humanity we'd just witnessed. Walking over to the man, I calmly asked him what his problem was.

"Stay out of this kid, you're not involved," he snarled. Fumiko-obaa-san wiped the spit off her face with a quiet dignity most of our elders have down to an art form. And I don't just mean the Uchiha elders, I mean _all_ the elders of every clan.

I regarded him with disappointment. He was just…so angry. And for what? This is actually pathetic, and frightening all at the same time.

"It became my business when you spat in my obaa-san's face. Whatever your differences and opinions, you just _spat_ on my obaa-san's face. I'm sorry, but I'm not letting that slide," I said, with a glint in my eye that Shisui-chan swears would give little children nightmares.

Shisui-chan kept the chibis away so I could deal with the man alone.

"You're an Uchiha too," he said with a horrified gleam in his eye, before snarling at me. "You're all to blame, stealing rightful Konoha property, looking down at the rest of us—you _fuckers of dogs_ —"

"Shut up," I snapped at him.

"I'm not going to listen to the likes of you, you self-entitled bitch!"

"You're arguing with a seven year old, and you just spat on a ninety year old. What makes you think you have the moral high ground here?"

"Shut up! Every single one of you red-eyed freaks are a burden on our society, and—"

I overrode him. "Let me speak in a way you will understand then. We are not a burden on society, we are a _part_ of it! Our property has been our property since the founding of Konoha, and you are a misguided heap of cow dung if you think I'm going to let you keep yelling at me for something I DIDN'T DO!"

Silence. And then I said, "Walk away, sir, because otherwise I _will_ press charges, for disturbing the peace and trying to incite a riot. Which, as we both know well enough, is a capital offence."

The people around us went back to their affairs, the man walked away with a heated glare in my direction, but not before muttering, "You better watch your step little girl, because you messed with the wrong guy. Konoha is on my side!"

The sad part, I contemplated later, is that it's true.

I wasn't scared of the man, but Konoha really _is_ on his side. More and more people are using the Backstabbing as a means to bring out all their resentment for us out into the open. I didn't even know they thought we were descendants of demons because of our eyes before the event; that we weren't worth the rations we were given; that we are just a drain on the economy without actually reimbursing the village for anything we supposedly "steal".

The Inuzuka Incident hadn't helped matters at all, and now we were considered poison to previously good clans.

I'd lost my temper. I shouldn't have done that.

Helping Fumiko-obaa-san with her shopping bags, I offered to walk her home. She thanked me with a stiff upper lip, and then put a delicate hand on my shoulder and limped to her house. Shisui-chan came along with me.

"Aneki?"

"Find a place for us to eat, Otouto! We'll be back in a bit," I called over my shoulder.

He nodded and quietly began discussing it with Koki-chan.

A few people greeted me on the way, and it restored my faith in humanity. Old acquaintances that I'd known for years, Hiroyuki-san and his chisel waving at me from his stall (threateningly of course. But he loves me, really), Granny Jun from the bakery with her piping hot buns, Old man Kurushimu sitting on the back porch with his wife trying to kill him with a rolling pin because he wasn't minding the chickens…

So many people, so many memories…

We headed back into the food district after Fumiko-obaa-san thanked us (with a carton full of dango) in comfortable chatter.

"—you still haven't?" Shisui-chan explained.

"I'll do the assignment later, Shisui-chan. Besides, it shouldn't take me more than thirteen minutes," I shrugged him off.

"…that's oddly specific," he muttered. "Have you been timing yourself Aki-senpai?"

"Yes, because I care _that_ much."

"…have I mentioned you need mental help?"

"Every day for the last four and a half years, Shisui-chan," I grin at him.

"And you still haven't sought it because…?"

I shove him with my shoulder and he laughs, his mirth joining mine. Sometimes, I forget I'm not a seven year old, but with Shisui-chan, it doesn't really seem to matter at all.

Huh.

* * *

"Nonou-san is _what_?"

"She's back on the active duty roster. Not that that is _any_ of your business, Akito-chan. Why? Is that a problem?" asked Kushina-ba-chan suspiciously.

I stammered for a bit, before letting out a stream of rapid English at my godmother, asking her what on _earth_ possessed Nonou-san to take missions when I know for a _fact_ that Kabuto is a ROOT to make sure she _never had to_.

What's he risking his sanity for exactly, when initiative-takers like her make it redundant!

…wait, maybe that's why! Danzou's probably told her that if she, I don't know, does well on the mission or does specific sneaky-sneaky missions for him or something, he'll relinquish his hold on Kabuto. It's so utterly devious!

I might be absolutely wrong, but the other option is that she's a terribly stupid human being with not an ounce of common sense, and I do try to see the best in people, where possible.

"Otouto, remind me that if I'm right about this, I get a cookie!" I yell in the general direction of Kushina-ba-chan's kitchen.

"Can I have some too?" asked his small voice from behind the slightly ajar door. Yes, Itachi-touto knows about baby MinaKushi. As it turns out, Kushina-ba-chan needs to be more discreet. Plus, she's _his_ godmother too.

"'Course you can!"

"Can I have some?" asked Kushina-ba-chan hopefully.

"No," I deadpanned. She pouted and I giggled before relenting.

So, now that _this_ has happened, I have to up my bimonthly visits to once-a-week. Where am I going to get the _time_ for this? Between helping out at the Uchiha Senbei, the academy, training and Kunoichi Classes, not to mention social calls to at least three different families a day and my regular hospital visits, I just don't know how I'm going to manage.

But, I promised Kabuto I would take care of his family. And if there's one thing Naruto has taught me, it's that no one should ever go back on their promises.

"So…" Kushina-ba-chan stretched the vowel while rubbing her swelling belly. "Why does Nonou-san matter to you anyway?"

"She's basically my best friends' mother, and I don't think…she retired from active duty for a reason Kushina-ba-chan. I smell foul play."

Narrowing her eyes, she tried for a casual approach, but I knew she'd assimilated the information and that she'd look into it.

It's nice to have dependable adults in my life.

Kami-sama knows that that's all these above age eighteen types are good for. (bad parenting seems to be a common trait—Kushina-ba-chan wanted to sing a lullaby to the baby bump, affectionately named 'Blubber Tum'. She has the voice of an angel. An angel with laryngitis that swallowed a cat with a sore throat.)

"I thought what's his face with the messy hair was your best friend."

"Shisui-chan? He's my bestest friend. Kabuto's my best friend."

"What am I, chopped liver?" she said mock-angrily.

"Well, looks like the cat's out of the bag!" I smiled unrepentantly. I deserved the pillow-smacking I got, or so I've been told.

* * *

I was doing some kata in the back garden, standing on my head and doing a roundhouse kick before flipping over and whirlwinding onto my feet with a hand thrust forward, when I saw Shisui-chan making his way up to me.

This was not unusual. There was rarely any time I could say that Shisui-chan wasn't with me. We were, as the saying goes, joined at the hip, and it wasn't just him following me; it was the other way around too.

What _was_ unusual though, was the purpling bruise on his cheek about the size of a tennis ball. Shisui-chan didn't get into fights. It was one of those underlying rules of the universe, like Nara's are lazy and chocolate is Kami-sama's gift to humanity.

I ran to him worriedly, not even bothering to hide my concern. Shisui-chan just smiled at me as I saw that it wasn't just the bruise on his cheek, but cuts around his collar and discolouration on his arms as well.

"Shisui-chan, what _happened_?" I asked, looking into his calm eyes, looking for any signs of what could _possibly_ have led to him being hit.

Shisui-chan is a prodigy; his entire fighting style is based on evasion and defense—Kami-sama, he already uses the shunshin like he uses his lungs, with as much ease as breathing! There is _no_ way he got this beat up…unless he let it happen.

Shisui-chan seemed to figure out what conclusion I'd reached. Smiling again, he replied, "They needed someone to be angry with Aki-senpai. Who am I to stop them?"

"But they…you— _what?"_

"I was at the grocery store and a few Akimichi started cursing…well, it doesn't matter. They were angry, and it's pointless to be angry back. So I just let them hit me. They needed the closure more than I needed my pride," he said, his smile softening with acceptance.

That…was profound.

Not going to lie, I didn't think of it like that _at all_. I wouldn't have attacked them, but I would have verbally eviscerated them if they'd threatened to beat me up. Apparently, Shisui-chan decided that that wasn't necessary, that they just needed an outlet for their feelings of inadequacy.

…I'm…there's this really warm feeling inside me right now. It's a nice feeling, but I…is this non-familial pride? Because I'm still worried, and I still want to know those Akimichi's names so I can verbally shred them to pieces (and a tiny part of me wants to physically shred them to pieces too), but this isn't my fight.

This is his. Instead of replying with words, I coat my hands with green chakra and start healing the cuts and bruises, biting my lower lip in concentration and worry.

I felt his eyes on me, and I looked at him while simultaneously healing his cheek.

"What?" I asked. He was looking at me with this _really_ soft look, and I've _never_ seen him give me that look before.

"Nothing," he said quietly, but continues looking at me like that.

I go back to healing him, deciding that I didn't really need to know.

And that was okay.

* * *

After the Great Backstabbing, the Inuzuka Incident (the political tensions are mounting, and I feel like it's all going to blow up spectacularly badly), Itachi-touto's kidnap and academy enrolment, Kabuto's absence due to Danzou and his 'gardening problem', and the triple funeral, it's been a terrible last few years.

But then, there are the good things that came out of it. Koki-chan's gained more confidence (trust me, whimpering pile of mess is an _improvement_ ), Itachi-touto's discovered a love for history and analysing it with me, Otou-san got a haircut, Okaa-san read a parenting book cover to cover, the number of invitations to other people's houses is picking up again, Ine-chan was born, my hair has reached past the small of my back, I have a naginata with _a dragon carved into the blade_ and Obito-kun is no longer in the hospital.

But the best thing that's happened this year?

A piercing cry sounded from inside the hospital room, and Hagane-sensei (who I'm still pestering on a regular basis, to the extent where he's decided that he might as well let me tag along on all the major procedures strictly as an observer, and sometimes lets me help out with basic ones without kicking up too much of a fuss) beckoned us in.

It's a very different scene from five years ago; Otou-san isn't panicking, Okaa-san is in surgery (it wasn't an easy birth this time, but she should recover fully. Didn't stop me from being scared, but Hagane-sensei said there was nothing to worry about; the bleeding was only minor, and nothing major was damaged), Shisui-chan and Rin-chan and Obito-kun and Itachi-touto are there and, unlike with Itachi-touto, my newest baby brother _would not stop crying_.

He looked a lot like me. I mean, with Itachi-touto you can tell that we're related closely but if it wasn't well known, we'd probably be mistaken for cousins, but with newest baby brother…we could be twins.

Or rather, we both look a lot like Okaa-san.

Both Itachi-touto and I reached for the baby at the same time, and we looked at each other, instantly knowing that we would love this being till the day we died.

The entire nine months leading to now, I have been looking at this day with nothing but dread, feeling that my deadline was faster approaching and that the Kyuubi attack and the massacre were coming closer and closer.

Those feelings hadn't disappeared, but they'd taken a backseat to loving this boy with everything I had.

"Okusan and I have discussed the child's name. We've decided to name him Sasuke," said Otou-san proudly.

"Uchiha Sasuke..." said Itachi-touto wonderingly, poking his puffy cheeks gently while he sniffled in my arms.

"Baby Sa-chan," I grinned at the baby.

Come hell or high water, I'm ready.

Metaphorically speaking of course.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uchiha Koki, as many have told him (to his face or otherwise), was a coward. He would readily admit that, if given the choice, he would stay at home till the end of his days and not interact with anyone a day in his life.

But that wasn't how the world worked, and Koki had been forced to leave his cocoon of safety.

He whittled at the piece of wood in his hand and whistled a quiet tune, one he'd heard Akito-sama hum on occasion.

Speaking of Akito-sama, it was for her that he was carving the wood in the first place. Koki had never tried creating anything like it before, but he supposed it hardly mattered. Where wood-carving was concerned, he was a natural.

Koki would readily admit that that wasn't a very impressive field of specialisation, especially if your best friend was a hailed prodigy in the most prodigious job there was, but Koki (even though he sometimes felt jealous of all the cool things Itachi-kun could do) wouldn't give up carving for the world. It was, in essence, his life. He didn't have very impressive parents, one being a genin in the cypher corps and the other being a paper-pusher in the KMPF, and so wasn't expected to amount to anything. Koki would agree with them.

But even now, as another wood shaving curled out of the malformed mahogany in his hand, he would readily agree that he was special, no matter what anyone else said. He was the best friend of the most intelligent person in the world, and he was the one that the boy had chosen. Not Kibashi with his fascination with chains, not Buwake with his interesting stories— _him_ , the civilian wood carver.

It made him special in a way that nobody could take away from him. Itachi wasn't the type to get bored of someone (even though deep down he knew what they had wouldn't last) and even if years down the line they were apart, he would always know that he was Itachi-kun's first ever friend.

Another shaving and another, whittling the wood until it resembled the image in his head, slowly forming in his hands, perhaps not the way he wanted it to, but the way it was meant to.

Uchiha Koki didn't have many talents, but he didn't need them. Itachi and Akito-sama and Shisui-senpai had told him so.

He could be many things, but himself was something only he could manage. He had thought of going to the academy, if for nothing other than peer pressure, and he would likely not have survived long enough to have been anything useful. But not anymore.

He sometimes couldn't believe his luck, and he thanked every star in the sky and every flame in the wind that he'd gone with the rest of the 'minions' the first time. He'd honestly never thought that deciding to see what all the fuss was about would have led him to be the person he was today.

Uchiha Koki would readily admit that he wasn't the most retrospective, but there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't thank Akito-sama for being so...her.

...even if it was never out loud.

She scared him too much, even if Itachi-kun said that there was nothing to be scared about. He was constantly worried that Akito-sama would kick him out of Itachi-kun's life because she deemed him unworthy.

...but Fugaku-sama was scarier.

* * *

 _I love those reviews, honestly. They brighten up my day. Now, after this, what do you think is going to happen with the Kyuubi attack? Everyone had really interesting ideas, and some came really close to the truth, but why did these things happen, and what does the inclusion of the Inuzuka in this hatefest mean for, well, everything? Thoughts about the naginata and Nonou-san? Review please?_

 ** _Edited 26/02/2017_**


	8. Intrepid Interlude

_**'There are heroes in evil as well as in good.'**_

* * *

 _Two weeks pre-Sasuke_

 _9_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1600 hours  
Location: Cavern  
Some dirty hovel_

There was something strangely tranquil in that little hovel he called home. The dripping of the water, the dampness of the cave, the constant beating of his own heart filling his ears…

Madara. Madara. _Madara_.

Sometimes, he needed to say his name out loud just to remember what it was, why he was _here_ , why he needed to keep surviving from one monotonous day to the next. Sitting on his throne and watching time waste away slowly, creeping away from him and taking with it his mobility and dulling his senses, he sometimes questioned how _this_ could possibly be worth his revenge.

Then the voices in his head started up again, and Izuna— _my little Otouto, you shouldn't have died, how did I_ _**let you**_ —would look at him with a solemn gaze and tell him to 'do what was best Aniki' and he would. He would crush the pestilent little shits that dared to scorn their leader.

Some days, he didn't know whether he was referring to Konoha or the clan, but in the end it didn't matter; all of it would _burn_.

Snapping him out of his musings, two figures appeared in front of him, silently with hardly a whisper of cloth. They were both indistinguishable, and both were fresh from a mission to Amegakure no Sato; presumably the brat had fulfilled his duties to Madara's liking, because quite frankly, he was thus far disappointed.

He would have preferred a pawn more powerful than he'd been able to procure, but he supposed two powerful (but not _just_ right) instead of one was better than none.

"Report."

A distinctly female voice spoke, her voice deeper than most of her sex and slightly scratchy, as though she'd been screaming hoarsely for a long time. Madara would know; witnessing their rampant love-making was one of the unfortunate disadvantages of being practically omniscient.

He hadn't heard a woman scream like that in _years_ , not since his own wife more than seven decades ago.

"The Akatsuki are proving difficult to manipulate Madara-sama, but we're confident that, in a few months' time, Kirigakure no Sato will be ours. Already, Yagura is losing his wits and the Kiri council have absolutely no clue that their Kage is compromised."

Nodding in satisfaction (though if it were someone more powerful, Kiri would already be theirs, but one had to be satisfied with what one got, he supposed), Madara opened his mouth to give more orders, when the male counterpart of the duo spoke.

"We've got him doing the most ridiculous things too! This one time, we were really bored, so we got him to declare 'Moustache Worshipping Day' a national holiday! And this other time, we had him make having a manicure-pedicure a compulsory rite of passage for the new genin, and then we got him to sign a lease for the chickens to take over the village for the day, and then there was the Vegetable Invasion Incident, and you wouldn't _believe_ —"

" _Enough,"_ Madara hissed.

The female nudged the male in his side painfully, and the male had the decency to look ashamed of his bizarre brand of idiocy.

"What of the Konoha front?"

The female spoke again, and Madara much preferred it when she did. "The Inuzuka scandal didn't have as big an impact as we'd assumed. Clearly, we'll have to try a different clan Madara-sama. The Akimichi are growing weary of holding onto their anger—we'll need to do something drastic soon. The assassination of Sarutobi Mariko went off without a hitch though, and Sandaime-sama…I mean, Sarutobi-sama threatened the Hokage himself. Anarchy is well on its way, Madara-sama."

"Excellent…"

Madara had never thought to use Konoha against itself, but the male had some uses after all. The female was the more skilled however, even a blind beggar could see that. And yet, the man (while completely retarded on a frightening scale) more than made up for his skill defects with his unorthodox way of accomplishing goals set before him. Inciting the anger of the Akimichi was something he'd never thought would work, and yet it was, in hindsight, a stroke of sheer brilliance.

He supposed that, given his own rather embarrassing lack of political savviness (he'd never needed it of course, what with the warring shinobi era being the last place you would expect institutionalised corruption to take a hold of the shinobi populace. He usually left all the finicky stuff to Izuna anyway), he would never have thought to use the inter-clan tension to his advantage unless it had happened accidentally. He supposed that having weaker individuals to further his goals was a boon in that respect; they didn't think like him.

"How close are we to the clan's…culling?" asked Madara smoothly.

Looking at each other, both male and female had a determined grim look on their face as they said in unison, "What are you talking about?"

…perhaps he should work on the whole "telling people what was on his mind instead of assuming they knew it instinctively" thing…

Zetsu face-palmed in the background and muttered, " _We've got a long way to go…"_

* * *

 _One week pre-Sasuke_

 _15_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1800 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Evil Lair of Shimura Danzou/ ROOT debriefing chamber_

Deep in the bowels of the vibrant village, below the dank sewers and home to a network of scurrying mice, where neither sound nor morals penetrate, a man sat on his throne, running the most hideous operations and conducting the vilest tasks in complete secrecy.

Flickering in front of the man, an agent bowed his head, not because he respected the man, but because that was what the programming he had endured for as long as he could remember dictated he ought to. Respect, loyalty, love, compassion, rage, lust, greed, envy…these were foreign concepts, and whether the agent had known them before his conditioning or not was irrelevant. He did not think; he only did what his orders stated and performed routine functions based on what his body ostensibly deemed necessary for prime functioning. The agents' existence was based on the knowledge that orders were law, and his only purpose was to follow them.

Everything else was irrelevant. ( _A woman was screaming in the distant recesses of the agents' mind and the heart felt a longing and a burning and_ _ **no, can never forget the blood and the bones crunching and Kami-sama far too much**_ _ **hurt**_ _it isn't supposed to hurt for the village isn't for the village but morals have no place and anger is no longer viable and_ _ **please let it end I WANT TO DIE—**_ )

"Report," his voice reverberated softly, a promise of nothing but dead silence and discipline. Steel and copper and blades glinting in the heat of battle just before you died.

The agent smoothly placed a tightly furled scroll onto the calloused palm of Shimura Danzou.

Measuredly unfurling it and skimming the contents (to be perused at a later date more thoroughly in case details were missing), Shimura Danzou dismissed the agent.

The agent would go back to his room, spartan and clean with no signs of human life ( _because there wasn't anyone living there, not really_ ), perform routine ablutions and retire to bed, repose for the required time and proceed with the next day. ( _The agent hadn't had dreams in a while. The programming refused nightmares, but the screams never stopped, and sometimes a child's crying could be heard._ )

Danzou sat back in his chair, going over the recent state of affairs. The Inuzuka Incident was highly disconcerting, but he was grateful that the person blamed for it had an Uchiha connection. Otherwise, the village would have an extra crisis on its hands.

He felt a pang of sorrow for his old friend; it must not be easy to lose a child ( _a daughter, the first born_ ). Biwako must also have been distraught. But only a pang was felt before he moved on, because to grieve was to cloud one's judgement, and that did not suit his agenda.

He mentally reviewed the state of current affairs. Summarising the major points of contention thusly, he considered ways to contrive favourable outcomes for Konoha from the other village's weaknesses.

Sunagakure no Sato had finally elected a Yondaime Kazekage, nearly a fortnight ago. Border skirmishes had reduced to a palatable level and threats from their strongest western neighbour was diminishing by the hour. Potential for inciting war lay on that front; Suna was weak, Kaze no Kuni needed funding badly.  
FURTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Entice Wind Nobles and the Daimyo to send their missions to Konoha instead.  
EXPECTED OUTCOME: Increased revenue for Konoha's growing population, Suna weakened further—no threat.

Waterfall had one jinchuuriki, hardly a threat. Village leader was strong but soft. Ally of Konohagakure no Sato.  
FURTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Exploit leader's softness and make him feeble-minded. Initiate process of ostracising jinchuuriki.  
EXPECTED OUTCOME: Zero threat from the western front in case of war. Easily annexed for resources in case of exponential population growth due to peace time.

Iwagakure no Sato had a stuttering economy that Kaze no Kuni was exploiting. Two jinchuuriki, major potential threat. Fall in prices and consumer goods. Not likely to recover within the decade without aid.  
FURTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Hinder both countries' economic growth, begin ostracising process of both jinchuuriki, initiate isolation from populace—fake missions for their calibre only; some special request long-term missions to remove them from society. Give aid to certain parts of the country.  
EXPECTED OUTCOME: Jinchuuriki threat neutralised, Tsuchi no Kuni economy unlikely to recover; reduced threat of war from Iwagakure; weakened further. Aid given; exploit goodwill; make them dependent on Konoha's economy; likely to aid in hindering Iwa if they become a threat.

Kirigakure no Sato had a strong Kage, but major potential for bloodline fear if manoeuvred correctly. Seven Swordsmen of the Mist major threat, and odds of Konoha being a victor difficult without major intervention from the upper echelons. Economy recovering at a far more rapid pace than Konoha—jobs being created in tandem with recent population growth. Stable jinchuuriki unlikely to be manipulated into resenting the village (Danzou mentally scoffed. A jinchuuriki for a Mizukage—how the mighty have fallen).  
FURTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN: incite bloodline hatred. Decimate the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist from the inside out (assassination, betrayal, bigotry—plausible methods). Spread rumours about the Mizukage and incite rebellion.  
EXPECTED OUTCOME: Economic growth stunted. Threat nearly nullified. Kiri in a state of anarchy—beneficial to Konoha as their trade and mission numbers (that would have been Kiri's) would increase.

Kumogakure no Sato is seething with anger at the peace treaties being drawn up with other countries. Don't think that they've lost the war and expect compensation. Threat of bloodline theft imminent.  
FURTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN: sabotage inner workings. Give them access to bloodlines.  
EXPETED OUTCOME: Redundant country appeased with the bloodlines; future sabotage with their research on bloodlines to nullify threat. Incite hatred for the Uchiha in Konoha as they will indubitably respond violently.

There were some minor countries as well, but they hardly mattered as much. Danzou sighed almost imperceptibly, before getting out of his chair. He had no idea what had happened on the mission with Uchiha Inabi and Akimichi Chouza, but he had been quite pleased with the results.

The Akimichi were a well-loved clan and many were sympathetic to their way of thinking. If he timed it correctly, it wouldn't be much longer till he could push for progressive and systematic annihilation of the Uchiha clan. He frowned mildly as he thought of the new Hokage.

Namikaze Minato was a competent man, and ruthless when he needed to be. Yet, he was too young and far too inexperienced to truly see the damage the Uchiha were causing to Konoha. Their culture had never assimilated into the grander village culture and they were hardly about to start now.

No, Tobirama-sama had said as much, if not in so many words; the Uchiha were a threat to the unity of the village. They were too different, an alien race refusing to mesh in a village thriving on diversity.

As always, a thrum of deep pride and sense of belonging coursed through him as he thought about his Konoha; it was the most brilliant place in the Elemental Nations. He remembered, so very long ago and so very faded with the relentless passage of time, being so _afraid_ and disjointed, mistrusting of other clans and their intentions, back during the time Konohagakure no Sato was no more than a bunch of cloistered tents and wary people.

How times have changed, he thought, getting up and shuffling towards the exit. He had a rescheduled meeting with the Uchiha elders and the Yondaime. If all went well, Namikaze Minato would never find out exactly who had tried to assassinate him and would begin mistrusting the Uchiha, making him more likely to agree to the 'final solution' as it were.

Sparing a fleeting thought to the Uchiha heiress and her seemingly unshakeable bond with the Yondaime and his pregnant wife, he dismissed them with a flicker of a thought; his new agent, Kabuto, would deal with _her_. She considered his agent a friend—an exploitable weakness. With that attachment severed, there really wasn't anything but morals preventing the Hokage from seeing his point of view.

But for now, he must not be hasty. After all, patience is bitter but its fruit is _sweet_.

* * *

 _One week pre-Sasuke_

 _12_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 0930 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Tetsuhane Weapon Shop_

Her eyes were sparkling again and it was doing funny things to his heart. Shisui ran a hand through his hair unconsciously, slightly wary of Aki-senpai's fascination with her new naginata. She laughed in glee, running her hand across her weapon.

"Thank you, Ken-san! This is perfect!"

The Dragon of Autumn etched onto the hilt of the naginata was impressive, Shisui had to admit. It was a brilliant shade of red and made it look as though it was permanently stained with the fresh blood of Aki-senpai's victims.

Was it odd that it made his heart beat faster in anticipation? He wasn't one for needless violence, but just imagining Aki-senpai with her long tendrils of inky hair flying behind her as she ran through the trees, her naginata effortlessly held in her hands, gave Shisui more motivation than ever before to train hard enough to stay beside her every step of the way.

Exiting the shop with the address of a dojo that taught people how to use a naginata, Aki-senpai and Shisui headed to the Eastern Sector.

"Shouldn't you put your weapon away before we go visit Ichirou-san?" he asked her, aware that a new weapon would not be looked upon favourably by the old civilian they had been invited to dine with.

"Good point, but I _really_ don't want to walk all the way back home…" she bit her lip in thought, debating whether to offend an entire family of cloth weavers or to give in to her laziness.

Shisui barely had to think about it before he came up with a practical solution. "You could just cast a genjutsu on it."

Smiling at his idea (he loved it when she did, and it didn't even reduce its value just because she did it all the time, not to him anyway, because they were _always_ sincere and always different), she did just that.

If it had been him, he would have simply made it invisible, but Aki-senpai's mind worked differently to his, and she opted for a stuffed bunny rabbit instead.

Her mind worked in _very_ strange ways.

Shisui wondered about her sanity far more than he ought to really. Speaking of sanity, he hadn't seen Megane-chama for a while now, but every time he brought him up, Aki-senpai looked at him sadly and told him not to worry about it.

That just made him worry even more, but he'd decided not to push it; Aki-senpai would tell him if it got too out of hand, whatever it was. He missed Megane-chama, but as long as Aki-senpai knew where he was, he wouldn't worry too much about his health and whereabouts.

He trusted her completely.

Arriving at Ichirou-san's house three minutes too late (Aki-senpai was _always_ late), they greeted the family of ten and proceeded to the sitting room.

"How is your Okaa-san's pregnancy going, Akito-hime?" asked Ichirou-san's 25 year old daughter (the third of the brood), her blue eyes curious.

Shisui silently brushed against Aki-senpai's kimono, indicating that it was alright to tell the truth; he couldn't detect any malicious intent.

"It's murder on her feet at this stage, and she had calamari and dark chocolate fried in olive oil for breakfast this morning! It smelled disgusting, but she would have bitten our heads off if we'd said anything. Otouto couldn't even stay in the house because of the smell! Otou-san refuses to intervene though," she said chirpily, laughing at the disgusted and sympathetic expressions on her audience's faces.

Shisui sweatdropped internally. When he said that she could speak freely, absolutely no filters wasn't what he'd had in mind…

"Smart man, your Otou-san. How _is_ your brother? I remember when Aoi-kun was born; Jun-kun sulked for _days_!" said Ichirou-san's second daughter.

"Okaa-san! I didn't _sulk_ —"

"Yes you did, Onii-san! I saw you!"

"Aoi-kun, you weren't even _born_!"

Aki-senpai and Shisui laughed along with the Horuda family at Jun-kun and Aoi-kun's red faces.

Shisui prepared himself though, for the hours of walking that were still in store for him; they had four invitations to tea with six different families and another eight house calls to make before going home for their own dinners. Then there was the token half hour Aki-senpai and he spent at the Orphanage every week (he didn't know why they had upped it from twice a month to once a week, but he figured it had something to do with Megane-chama, so he didn't complain).

Then tomorrow they had advanced classes and training for two hours with their parents, and then the three hours of training they did with the rest of their classmates (Shisui's parents had been horrified when they'd found out that Aki-senpai spent _that_ long training _other_ clan's children and _lowly civilians…_ ) and the hour he practised genjutsu while she meditated or read scrolls or they played shogi while practising their chakra control…

Those days were his favourite, and they only happened three times a week. If it were up to him, he would spend every single day like that.

But then, Aki-senpai did all these social things, and so he dragged himself through these days amiably, barely complaining, because he knew that if he didn't come with her, Aki-senpai would do it all on her own.

And that was something he would never allow.

* * *

 _15 hours and 20 minutes later_

 _13_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 0050 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Residence of the Uchiha Clan Head_

It was midnight when Kabuto alighted on Akito's windowsill, not making a single sound.

His blank white mask was shadowed, his stance relaxed, and his breathing barely noticeable.

Akito still woke up, feeling something amiss.

When she spotted him at her window (he hadn't even thought to hide himself), he waved at her awkwardly, as though he'd forgotten how to do such simple human gestures ( _the training hurt and the burn wounds still hadn't healed properly—_ )

"Kabuto?" she whispered, not a trace of fear in her eyes.

Kabuto almost smiled behind his mask, feeling truly relaxed for the first time since the Orphanage Fundraiser.

He nodded, and she walked over to the window, opening it wide enough for him to come in.

"What's new in your life?" she asked, as though he was casually meeting her after missing a couple of days of school instead of disappearing for months without a trace and then showing up in the middle of the night.

"Brilliant, Akito. I've got more than three cracked ribs, breathing is getting harder by the minute and I haven't slept for three days; I'm just peachy," he said drily, not even thinking to censor his thoughts around her.

She was his first friend, and the moment she had reached her hand out to him and gave him somewhere to _belong_ had shaped the man he was becoming. No matter how much Danzou-sama told him that she couldn't be trusted (no Uchiha could _really_ be trusted Kabuto) he wouldn't listen.

Akito never lied.

He had enough trust issues to fill Santa Claus' child-napping sack, but Akito was someone he knew instinctively he could always trust.

It was hard sometimes to remember he was only eight.

Chuckling lightly at his tone, Akito motioned for him to lie down on his back, not even pretending to be nervous about a boy being in her room, not even asking him to take his mask off, just taking his word in good faith…

"I could be anyone you know, and you've given me access to your room," he pointed out in faux nonchalance.

She snorted quietly. "You're not a vampire; you didn't need my _permission_. Now hold still; I'm not _that_ good at healing yet…"

It was one of those things she said that made absolutely no sense to anyone, but that was alright; Akito was still Akito, no matter how much his world had changed.

 _The screaming and the terror and 'how could you, Kabuto, I trusted you!' and the pain in his heart he's been told to ignore till there was another one and another one and it had only been a few months and he couldn't_ _ **do**_ _this—_ )

Her hands glowed green, her chakra quietly mending his bones and relieving the strain on his own chakra stores (he'd been actively holding the bones in place but his chakra was so drained that he hadn't _dared_ heal himself.)

"I'm glad you're still in one piece. Shisui-chan and Emiko-chan have been asking about you," she said, now rifling through her things to find bandages to support his newly healed but still tender ribs.

Kabuto closed his eyes behind his mask, his mind drawing up images of Shisui-kun, the roughhousing in the training fields, commiserating about Akito's insanity, treks into the forest and eating (definitely) poisoned mushrooms, practising healing on his unsuspecting limbs…

With a pang of sorrow, he realised that he missed his first male friend too, with equal ferocity.

And as for Emiko-san…he didn't know she cared. She had always been Akito's friend, never _their_ friend, and so he had been courteous, but nothing beyond that.

But he reminded himself that she had wanted to work in infiltration, so it wasn't a stretch to think that she was both observant and interested on a professional level.

"Tell them I dropped out of the program."

But even as he said it, he knew that it was stupid; you weren't allowed to drop out of the academy, and even though the war was over, their cycle was still considered 'wartime trainees'. Not to mention that all Shisui-kun would have to do is visit the Orphanage and he would know that Kabuto wasn't there.

"Shisui-chan and I go to the Orphanage every week, Kabuto," she said with an eye roll.

"You do?"

"I promised, didn't I?"

Humming in agreement, Kabuto helped Akito wrap the bandages around him, and for a while the two worked in comfortable silence.

"Nonou-san is on the active duty roster," she said quietly, her teeth gritting in anger.

Kabuto felt his heart miss a beat.

" _What?"_ he hissed, pain forgotten.

"Minato-sama had nothing to do with it," she said, making him swallow the lump in his throat.

He'd sold his soul to Danzou-sama, to ROOT, just so that Mother and the Orphanage weren't…it was all for _**nothing**_.

His chest felt hollow; his mind stilled.

"Kabuto?" Akito's voice was coming from very far away, and he vaguely registered she was shaking him.

He didn't care anymore. What was stopping Danzou-sama anyway? What existed that he couldn't destroy? What was the point of fighting if what he was fighting for was so uncertain?

"Kabuto, Minato-sama knows that it's odd for Nonou-san to be an active shinobi. He's on to Danzou. It isn't too late Kabuto, she's still _alive_ , and the Orphanage is safe. Minato-sama's keeping an especially close eye on it."

Finally, some of the things she was saying were registering, but even now Kabuto was reluctant to put all his faith in—

His eyes widened.

"It's working…"

Akito looked at him in worry, her eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

"I don't trust Hokage-sama…" he said grimly.

Her eyes narrowed and he knew she understood. "Danzou has a lot to answer for, making you lose faith in Kami-sama's gift to the world…"

Kabuto couldn't help it; the ridiculous level of hero-worship made him laugh.

She shushed him, and only then did he remember that other people existed in the world.

Kabuto also remembered what he'd been sent to do.

He could tell Akito that he was sent to eliminate her or manipulate her into increasing the hostilities against the Uchiha and she would grow wary of him, or he could keep silent about it and quietly kill himself, thereby ridding Danzou-sama of a pawn and elevating Akito's reputation as a prodigy.

Or he could trust her, and it was so _difficult_ (it had always been difficult for him, but ROOT had destroyed the mechanism in his brain that allowed him to even _try_ ) but if there was anyone he ought to, it was her…

"Danzou-sama. Kill."

The seal on his tongue disallowed him from saying anything more, frustrating him beyond belief. It seemed it wasn't even in his hands whether he _could_ betray the old geezer…

"You want to kill Danzou?" she asked, as if happy that he'd chosen a good safe path to travel.

He was about to disabuse her of that notion when he actually stopped to think about it.

Why not? That would rid him of the threat on his family; if he was dead, ROOT would be disbanded and Mother wouldn't have to be a pawn in his machinations; the Orphanage would be in the clear; no one _else_ could be given the mission of killing Akito or Shisui or, heck, even Emiko-san…

He couldn't nod (the seal refused him _that_ luxury) but Kabuto took off his mask to reveal his feral expression.

Instead of backing away from his insane expression, Akito just grinned, taking his decision to actively kill a superior in stride, as though he'd just told her he was thinking about having omelette for breakfast tomorrow.

"Seeing as you can't say it without the seal going spazztic, let's refer to it as 'Dorothy-ing Egghead', okay?"

He jammed his hands over his mouth in a bid to muffle the hysterical laughter racking his frame.

"What…what does that even _mean,_ Akito?" he finally asked. "Who, by the way, is the person he wants dead."

There, the seal couldn't stop him that time; it was flawed…he would exploit this stupid thing, and show that Egghead exactly what brain he was messing with.

"He wants _me_ dead? Wow, I didn't know I was that important…"

"Idiot," he said in fond exasperation; for all that she was insanely popular and powerful, Akito frequently forgot how much influence she had. Almost like as if she hadn't always lived with her fame as the Uchiha heir…

Shaking such random thoughts out of his head (insanity was clearly contagious), he said, "I was supposed to, naturally."

So _vague_ , but it was the best he could do.

It was such a blessing that Akito didn't even look annoyed, and simply tried to figure out what he meant.

"Oh, you were supposed to kill me," she said carefully, her face blank.

Kabuto winced and then looked on in worry; would she be afraid of him now?

Her lips thinned and her black eyes sharpened, sparkling malevolently. Kabuto's throat constricted involuntarily and _he couldn't breathe—_

"That bitch is going to _**burn**_."

Kabuto was _really_ glad not to be Danzou-sama just then.

* * *

 _One week pre-Sasuke_

 _16_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1030 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Residence of Nohara Rin_

It was just after breakfast and the weather was unbearably hot. Kakashi, of course, refused to take off his mask.

Obito had forgone his normal attire and had opted for a casual sleeveless navy shirt and shorts, this seemingly borderline nudity in his girlfriend's house raising several eyebrows of the old codgers that lived on the block.

"Do you think if I took off my shirt Rin-chan would mind?" he asked Kakashi laconically, only a few steps away from melting.

Kakashi was reading _The Tale of a Gutsy Ninja_ that sensei had deemed a 'must read' about some moronic idealist named Naruto and a dream to rid the world of all its problems, from evil masterminds with an unhealthy fixation on bouncy F-cups to stepmothers with rolling pins ready to beat the living daylights out of her charges.

It was an interesting read, certainly, but for the life of him, he absolutely _hated_ the protagonist.

Looking away from the book, he noticed something that his male teammate had completely failed to notice.

"I think Rin-chan might actually just die from pheromone overdose," he said drily.

"Huh? What are you on about _this_ time, Bakashi?" he asked with mild irritation; Obito didn't take well to not understanding what Kakashi said, which was about every third word out of the elitist snob's mouth. But this time he was just too hot to put any true effort into it.

He made to take off his shirt when Rin-chan finally found her voice, her blushing face and dilated pupils making her quite a sight to behold.

"Obito-kun! Th-that's inappropriate! Y-you can't…too much skin…bad for my heart…" she was breathing heavily now, and Kakashi, if he were prone to such things, would have cackled evilly as she fainted from both the heat and _the heat_ , if you understand. Insert incessant winking and nudging here.

"Rin-chan!" yelped Obito, all thoughts of the temperature leaving as his girlfriend fell to the ground with a thump. He hobbled to her (Kakashi winced just watching him walk on his mangled right leg), furiously fanning her with the hand not occupied by the crutch, blowing on her, as though that would actually help _anything_.

"You're such an idiot, Obito. Put her on the sofa," Kakashi sighed, resigning himself to Obito Distraction Duty.

After helping Obito get Rin-chan to the sofa, Kakashi ambled away to the kitchen and retrieved some cool lemonade, Obito's in a beaker with a straw (he _still_ couldn't manage anything more solid than chicken broth, but he was getting there. Rin-chan had pureed literally _everything_ , from yakisoba to calamari, just so that he didn't feel left out when they got takeout.)

Sipping on their beverages quietly, Obito's face not hiding exactly what crazy things his mind was cooking up ( _maybe if he got a refrigerator and ground the ice, and then got it through the building's ventilation system, it might_ snow, _or maybe—_ ), Kakashi struggled to find a topic to distract him.

Ever since the accident, it had come to the attention of everyone that knew Obito that he had trouble keeping his thoughts from wandering. Unfortunately, unlike before the accident when he could just burn off excess energy by being beaten into the ground by Kakashi, his mind now just sunk into either total melancholy or into deranged ideas that _no sane shinobi should even_ _ **consider**_.

So Rin-chan and Kakashi had been given a semi-permanent mission by Minato-sensei (or Hokage-sama, Kakashi supposed) to keep Obito thoroughly distracted, lest they have a repeat of last week where Obito _somehow_ managed to, without actually leaving his room, turn all of Minato-sensei's underwear a really interesting shade of pink. Also, there were some really questionable lingerie of the thong and speedos variety mixed in with sensei's laundry.

Kushina-san had never laughed so hard, and Obito had claimed that he was being helpful; if Kushina had been normal, he'd said, then she would have been mad at him for supposedly cheating on her, and then "the make-up sex would have been _glorious,_ sensei!" Either that or they could have "explored previously unexplored terrain in the bedroom."

Ostensibly, Minato-sensei hadn't been on the same wavelength.

Kakashi had a very limited range of topics to engage Obito with, and it was weighing on him heavily.

"The Kazekage had a kid this year, didn't he?"

Momentarily distracted at the sheer out-of-characterness, Obito said cautiously, "You're…talking about babies. With me."

Kakashi refused to break eye contact. "Is that so odd? We are friends after all; there should be no topic we can't discuss."

Obito narrowed his one good eye at him. "I guess…well, I think his name is Guna?"

Kakashi figured that sounded about right, so he nodded. "Yes, Guna. His third one."

"Yeah. Second son too," said Obito, clearly wondering where this was going.

Kakashi understood the topic to have been thoroughly exhausted and thought of something else to bring up.

"Gai bought a new spandex suit yesterday."

"Did he? Why? Is it any different from what he usually wears?"

Kakashi snorted. "No. This is _Gai_ we're talking about."

"True," said Obito, giving Kakashi a small grin (any bigger and he felt his face would rip open, and the injuries had only just properly scabbed over and he wasn't too keen on going back to the hospital.)

"He destroyed the old one in a training accident. He went a bit overboard."

" _A bit_? This is _Gai_ we're talking about."

Kakashi chuckled softly at this, feeling more at ease with this whole 'conversation' gimmick.

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"I'm bored."

Kakashi's eyes widened dramatically, and he started sweating for a reason entirely independent of the humidity.

"Uh…has anyone visited you lately?' asked Kakashi, hoping that would rid Obito of any hare-brained schemes his mind was concocting.

Blinking in thought, then slightly grinning before nodding. 'Yeah, Aki-hime did yesterday. The baby's nearly due and both she and Itachi-kun are really excited! Also, something about eggheads, but that didn't really make all that much sense to me so I ignored it…'

"That girl _never_ makes sense," said Kakashi, an old anger lighting up within him.

Obito looked at Kakashi for a while, before asking him, "Why _do_ you hate her so much Bakashi? I mean, you're even nice to _Ebisu_ now, and you used to treat him like a retarded jellyfish!"

"Her existence annoys me," said Kakashi shortly, not even bothering to explain the irrational hatred he had for the privileged brat that had everything handed to her on a gold platter, that had a loving family and a personality people didn't have to 'put up with' just because she was a prodigy that could be useful in the future.

She had her life all sussed out, and it annoyed the hell out of Kakashi, and not just because she had what he didn't.

It was that she took it all for granted, that she was unapologetic for any shortcomings she had—she _celebrated_ the fact that she was late to everything, and unlike Obito, she didn't even _try_ to make excuses—and those sorts of carefree people who didn't worry about the future and didn't really understand their harsh reality really grated on Kakashi.

And yes, it was irrational to hate a seven year old for not being worldly, but the fact was that she was _intelligent_. And in spite her intelligence, she was still naïve to a fault.

It truly pissed Kakashi off.

Plus, there was something off about her…he couldn't place his finger on it, but she acted far older than she was.

That was another thing that annoyed him to bits: she _was_ older, but so _unbelievably_ naïve—

It was best not to dwell on the reasons for why he hated Uchiha Akito; even he didn't truly understand it properly. She just rubbed him the wrong way.

But speaking of Akito, if he didn't tell Obito now, he would find out through somebody else, and he wasn't really in the mood to have a sulking Obito on his hands in the near future so…

"Have you heard about what happened the other night?"

At Obito's look of concerned confusion, Kakashi took it as a no and continued. "Someone tried to assassinate Akito and nearly succeeded. No one has been able to identify the culprit."

Obito looked really pale and Kakashi didn't blame him. It was shocking that _anyone_ could get into the Uchiha clan head's residence and try and assassinate his daughter—more than that, his _heir_.

Also, Obito had known the girl since she was a baby; it was understandable that he'd formed an attachment to her (no matter how irritating she was).

"Is she alright?" exclaimed Obito concerned, and if he had had the faculties to jump up and rush out of the room in search of the closest thing he had to a little sister, he would have.

"Yes. Mikoto-sama noticed a spike of Killer Intent from her room and went up to investigate. She sent her son to get Uchiha-sama from the KMPF—he was working the graveyard shift—but your precious Akito was fine. There were only some splashes of blood and her chakra was drained, but she wasn't hurt anywhere."

"I hope she got him good! I can't believe anyone would want to kill Aki-hime…well, except you, Kakashi."

Kakashi was instantly affronted and missed the cheeky glint in Obito's eyes. "I wouldn't go _that_ far, baka! I don't hate her that much!"

Obito, though Kakashi would never know, had an uncanny awareness of self that made him very conscious of the fact that his mind wandered dangerously, and he had a habit of manipulating others to distract himself.

Never in a bad way, but he still had the ability. Obito, however, didn't know that Minato-sensei knew that he did that, and still chose to trust Obito without reservations.

But he would find out soon, and it would make his day.

And make him hate himself a bit less.

* * *

 _Five days pre-Sasuke_

 _18_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1100 hours  
Location: Hokage Tower  
Council Meeting Room_

Sarutobi Hiruzen was in a state of mind that he hadn't been in for so many decades that he'd forgotten what it felt like to be thusly.

He was _**angry**_.

He missed it all, his son's birth, his daughter's first words, his son's first steps, his children's graduations, his wedding anniversaries, his son's first homecoming after making it to chuunin, his daughter's promotion party to jounin, his daughter's wedding, his father's funeral…

All for the sake of the village.

And he'd missed all of that, thinking that one day he would have _time_ for them, hoping and praying that a day would come where he could just…exist, with the people he barely knew but loved so very dearly.

And now his daughter was dead.

The Mariko that he hadn't seen without a mask on for months on end, the Mariko who had given him a finger-painting of their family, the Mariko who had been so _proud_ of serving her village…she was _gone_ , and there was something **aching** in Hiruzen's heart, and it made him want to _**killmaimtearBREAK**_ –

He was seething thusly when the Yondaime Hokage entered the meeting room, straight-backed and unbroken, sharp with the youth, energy and intelligence that Hiruzen had chosen him as his successor for.

But none of that mattered to Hiruzen anymore, because if his daughter had died in battle then he would have accepted it, if she'd taken her own life he would have accepted it, if there was a mass explosion in the middle of the village and she was one of the unfortunate casualties then he would have been able to stomach it, but the fact that she had been specifically targeted and the murderer had the gall to frame a clan that Hiruzen _knew_ had nothing to do with it made his blood _**boil**_.

"Sarutobi-dono, you wished to see me?" enquired his blond successor.

"Yes, Minato-kun, I did. I want to know the status of the investigation," he said, and that he had a calm in his voice was a miracle all on its own, because inside there was nothing but redredredredredred.

He didn't need to elaborate; Minato-kun knew what he was talking about.

"Unfortunately, nothing new has turned up. Inuzuka Koji seems to be the only suspect at this time, and even a child could see that he isn't the perpetrator, no matter what he seems to believe himself."

"He confessed to it then?"

Minato-kun sighed tiredly. "Yes; a really strong genjutsu if I've ever seen one."

In the deep recesses of Hiruzen's mind, he could hear Tobirama-sensei's views on Uchiha, how their genjutsu was something to be wary of, constantly on guard against, because they cast "the strongest genjutsu if I've ever seen them".

Years of trying and failing to be objective about that clan, years of having the Uchiha Elders spit on any negotiations that he attempted, years of his own teammates reminding him that they weren't to be trusted, just like sensei had all culminated, and in Hiruzen's old heart was born a solid focus to channel his hatred.

"No other clan is capable of such activities," he said meaningfully.

Minato-kun had a face devoid of any emotions. He said lightly, "Yes, but I can't really charge the Kurama clan with nothing to go on but their genjutsu prowess."

"Don't play mind games with me, Minato-kun! You know _exactly_ which clan I'm referring to."

"No Sarutobi-dono, I don't. But, there is one individual that I feel had a hand in the incident," said Minato-kun, at first firm and then meaningful.

"Who do you suspect then?" asked Hiruzen, his hate stilling for a short while to listen, in the hopes that with only an individual to blame, there would be still less targets to eliminate.

"I have several reasons to believe Danzou-sama had a hand in the assassination," Minato-kun said, as if expecting Hiruzen to agree with him, agree that Danzou who, while they had had their differences, was his oldest friend and comrade, and when one got to the age Hiruzen had, comrades of youth were very hard to come by.

"Is this some kind of _joke_?"

"No, Sarutobi-dono, it isn't. There are several discrepancies that can be traced back to him that—"

"You're a clever man, Minato-kun, but in this you are wrong. Danzou is a lot of things, but he would never hurt my daughter like this."

Minato-kun looked at him evenly. "Wouldn't he?"

"Are you suggesting my daughter was a traitor?" Hiruzen hissed, his temper showing and threatening to explode.

"No, I'm merely suggesting that Danzou-sama might not be the best judge of treachery anymore. He's exceeded his limits, and this might be a case of him doing so."

"That's a lot of might's and maybe's, Minato-kun."

"Just like blaming the Uchiha is just a load of might's and maybe's."

"You're too attached to that clan. It is blinding you to their guilt."

Minato-kun sighed again. "You're far too attached to your old comrade. It is blinding _you_ to his guilt," he said, smiling in wry acceptance.

"With all due respect Sarutobi-dono, I will not, in good conscience, condemn an entire clan when I have no proof of their involvement simply based on other's gut feelings. If that's everything, then I will take your leave."

He got up to leave, but there was one thing Hiruzen had really come to say, and there was no time like the present.

"I _will_ find the culprit Minato-kun; no one will stop me from exacting my revenge."

Minato-kun turned slightly, his eyes weary. "I had no doubts about that, but I had hoped you would listen to reason. It seems that blind hate truly does run rampant in Konoha."

And with that, the last amicable meeting between the Yondaime and his predecessor came to an end. Another one of its nature wouldn't occur for a very long time.

* * *

 _3 hours later_

 _18_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1400 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Residence of the Uchiha Clan Head_

Uchiha Mikoto had a headache. It wasn't a pounding headache that made her unable to function, oh no! It was one of _those_ headaches that was never bad enough that you could justify lying down but it was present all the time, and the pain was minimal but _there_ constantly, like period cramps.

It was at such a juncture that Mikoto was visited by her best friend of more than seventeen years, the Great Uzumaki Kushina that hadn't bothered to give her so much as a by your leave before disappearing off the face of the planet for more than five months.

She came into the house flying, as if she owned the place. Mikoto was studiously avoiding eye contact, scrubbing the pan with far more heat than it warranted.

"Miko-chan~!" she sang, waddling into the kitchen, knowing that that was where her best friend would be. "What are you making?"

"A funeral casket to put your body in when I'm done with you Kushi-chan!" Mikoto said sweetly, finally turning around to face the girl turned woman who had abandoned her during her worst pregnancy yet.

She then proceeded to gape like a braindead gummy worm at Kushina's rounded belly.

"Ne, Miko-chan, it can't have been that long since I last saw you! You don't have to kill me!" said Kushina frantically, reminded of just why their Taichou had called Mikoto the Black Plague on the battlefield.

Mikoto kept gaping. Kushina tilted her head to the side.

"Miko-chan? Are you okay?"

In a horrified whisper, Mikoto managed to say, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Now Kushina was worried. 'Tell you what, Miko-chan?"

"Tell me that you were _pregnant,_ you scarlet pea for brains!"

"Oh, that," Kushina nervously chuckled.

Mikoto advanced on her dangerously. "Yes, _that_."

Kushina had genuinely thought one of Mikoto's brats would have told her by now, but clearly they were far better at keeping secrets than she gave them credit for—damnit, Minato was right again!

Now _he_ got to decide the colour of the baby's nursery…

"It was a secret?" she said sheepishly, her voice rising at the end, making it sound like a question. Mikoto was not amused.

"Oh, a _secret_ was it? Even from your _best friend,_ Kushina-chan?" Mikoto asked menacingly, honestly genuinely betrayed.

"I'm really sorry Miko-chan! I thought one of your bratlings would tell you for sure, that's all!"

"My children knew?" Mikoto asked, startled.

Kushina nodded frantically, glad that there was someone else to blame. Silently, she was apologising to her cute godchildren, but they would understand.

Miko-chan was scary.

Mikoto, on the other hand, just felt resigned. Her children weren't really _her_ children, were they? Never had it happened that they ran to her for help; Itachi-chan ran to his Aneki and Akito-chan never seemed to need help, ever. At first, back when she didn't have the first clue how to be a mother, she was grateful they were so self-sufficient, but the older she'd gotten, the more she craved the complete devoted adoration of a child in the only way a mother can.

She rubbed her swollen tummy, resolving to have at least one baby that came to her first with all his troubles.

Then she remembered the sparkle in Itachi-chan's usually calm eyes and her resolution decided to include the clause of 'well, for some things at least.'

"So you've finally decided to tell me about it then?" she asked, wondering what had really prompted her best friend to visit her.

Growing serious, Kushina motioned to the living room, indicating that the news she bore would not only be ground-breaking, but also that her ankles had reached the swollen stage where standing for long periods of time was murder. Mikoto knew the feels.

"What is it Kushina-chan?"

Taking a breath, Kushina said it. "Sarutobi-sama has decided that the Uchiha are the sole perpetrators of his daughter's death and has sworn vengeance."

Mikoto took a moment to process this before adopting one of Akito-chan's favoured exclamations for these sorts of situations.

"Bloody hell."

* * *

 _30 minutes post-Sasuke_

 _23_ _rd_ _of July  
Time: 0800 hours  
Location: Konoha __Byōin  
Maternity Ward, Room 301_

Okaa-san was still in surgery, and Itachi was worried about her.

Aneki had said not to worry because it wasn't anything major, but Itachi couldn't help but worry anyway.

At least, he had been worried, before his little brother was placed into his arms.

"Here you go, Otouto. Say hi to Sa-chan!" said Aneki, smiling at Itachi with that soft smile that made him feel more loved than any living being on earth.

Uchiha Sasuke was the single most perfect thing Itachi had ever laid eyes on, and his mind would never change about that fact.

His eyes were tightly shut and his little mouth was opening and closing with great concentration, trying to taste the air and the world he had been born into. His tiny hands were curled into little fists, his body cocooned in a pale blue blanket. Downy hair covered his fragile head and his little nose twitched.

"Isn't he cute, Otouto?" Aneki cooed, placing a finger near his Otouto's fists.

Otouto's tiny fingers curled around Aneki's appendage.

"Aneki?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" she asked, tearing her loving gaze from her youngest brother to the other one.

He had a watery and overwhelmed smile on his face as he looked upon his Otouto.

"I'm melting."

Aneki laughed at that, but it was true. He had no better way of describing it.

Fugaku watched his three children with pride, his daughter's ease with children and his son's adoration of the youngest pleasing him greatly, a welcome distraction from his worry about his wife and his clan, especially the latest 'declaration of war' as it were from the previous Hokage of the leaf.

He would be lying if that didn't scare him.

His children were his oasis, and now there was another one.

He had never considered himself the paternal type; he'd never been very good with children, and that hadn't changed even after raising two of his own. He agreed with Teyaki when he said that Fugaku had lucked out in the children department; Akito-chan was so well-adjusted and sensible, without any intervention from him at all (it was like she came out of the womb with all the survival skills required for a human being!) and Itachi-chan was both prodigal and had a sister that doubled as an entire parent unit all on her own.

He wouldn't worry too much about the youngest; the first two turned out just fine, and getting stressed over raising the 'baby' of the family probably would have backfired on him anyway.

But still, it had been half an hour since his youngest child's birth and he had yet to hold him—Akito-chan had taken him from the nurses and now Itachi-chan was hogging him.

"I believe it is my turn to hold Sasuke-chan," he said.

Both Itachi and Akito looked at him with a deadpanned face, and said with the same tone of voice, "No."

And that, Fugaku sighed mentally, was that.

* * *

 _15 hours later_

 _23_ _rd_ _of July  
Time: 2300 hours  
Location: Hokage Tower  
Office of the Yondaime Hokage_

Namikaze Minato was tired.

He'd been like that for a while now, and he was counting down the days till his Naruto was due because, not only would his son be born, but he would also have a much needed vacation.

It was only for the duration of the labour, but _still_.

Kushina came waltzing into his room with nary a care and Minato felt like smacking his head against the wall; at least she'd employed a genjutsu to hide her bump…

He really should have specified that she could only go to tell Mikoto-san of the highlights of his meeting with Sarutobi-dono and nothing else. Now, she'd been visiting him in his office nearly every day, and he didn't have the heart to tell her to stay at home.

He knew she was an independent woman—it's what made him fall in love with her after all—and he knew it must have grated on her to stay cooped up in their apartment all the time, but it can't be helped.

Well, it _couldn't_ be helped at any rate…

"How's everything on the Egghead front?'" she asked him, plopping a bento onto the drainage system report on his desk.

With an imperceptible flick of his fingers, he dismissed his ANBU (because you can never be too careful, and who knew which of them belonged to Danzou-sama as well?)

Minato paused for a bit before answering to gather his thoughts.

Ever since Akito-chan had become interested in the Orphanage matron, Minato had kept a close eye on the orphans of Konoha and had come to a scary revelation; children were going missing without a trace. He didn't know who was either kidnapping or luring away Konoha's children, but he had become dead set on finding out the culprit.

And then Kushina had informed him that Yakushi Nonou had sworn off the active duty roster, having retired after the required stint of shinobi activity.

Digging deeper into that had been a nightmare, and suddenly a lot more discrepancies started popping up. There were several missions in the archives that he _knew_ he hadn't sanctioned. His memory was something of a legend in that he just knew instinctively when he'd seen something, no matter how fleetingly, and while someone else would have seen those missions and assumed they had forgotten the one or two missions, Minato wasn't one of them.

Then there was the number of active duty shinobi versus the number of academy graduates; the numbers _did not_ correlate.

He had reached the point in his investigation where he'd realised that Danzou-sama's ROOT forces had basically started their own recruitment independent of the mainstream ANBU.

He had, of course, known that ROOT existed. It was an open secret among the high ranking shinobi that ROOT had never really disbanded no matter what official paperwork stated, and that it was essential to the functioning and security of Konoha and her people, however dirty the jobs were.

But coercing the members to re-join was not what he'd signed up for allowing. Neither was infant recruitment or bribery and blackmailing to secure funding and _children_ into the Foundation.

When Kabuto the Orphan had come to him with Akito the day after the 'failed assassination attempt', he hadn't expected _that_.

But the boy had placed his faith in him, and Minato would be damned if he let him down.

There were so many missions that sabotaged Konoha's enemies, but there were quite a few that sabotaged her allies; it was like Danzou-sama was _trying_ to get Konoha to wage another war—barring the casualty rates and the bureaucratic nightmare that war was, the fact that Konoha hadn't fully recovered from the last war or that it just wouldn't benefit Konoha to go to war again _or_ that Konoha was a few fisticuffs away from a full out civil war seemed to have slipped the old man's mind.

Without even realising it, Danzou-sama was working _against_ Konoha's interests, all the while believing he was doing what was best for his village. He had overstepped his boundaries, just like Minato had told Sarutobi-dono.

But there was a time and place to prioritise outing Konoha's shadow Hokage, and at the cusp of anarchy was not it.

And wasn't _that_ another can of worms entirely! He didn't even know where to begin to fix that one, considering the problem was more than eighty years in the making.

The Inuzuka Incident had thankfully been dealt with far more swiftly than the Great Backstabbing (if he'd been Hokage at the time, it would _never_ have been given that moniker, much less spread like wildfire all over Konoha before a plausible cover story could have been fabricated) so the Inuzuka's weren't suffering as badly as the Uchiha were.

Minato sighed. The Uchiha.

He was certain that the Great Backstabbing wasn't an elaborate plan by the Uchiha to upset the social hierarchy and to bring about his downfall.

He wasn't quite that retarded.

If they _really_ wanted to do that, they would have picked a clan other than the Akimichi. No, this wasn't about destabilising _Konoha_ ; he was almost a 100% certain that the real purpose of the Backstabbing was to alienate the _Uchiha_ from the rest of the village.

Why though? What could be gained from that? There were far too many gaps in his knowledge and no amount of guesswork was going to get him any closer to the truth.

In addition to that, the Uchiha clan head was practically his brother-in-law, his daughter basically his own. There was no way they wanted him dead, especially considering how many of the Uchiha had treated him as one of their own when Kushina had first brought him to Mikoto-san's house to meet Fugaku-san.

One of them had even slapped on his bum; they weren't planning on nefariously killing him. Their regard for him hadn't changed one iota. If anything, with Akito-chan telling everyone who would listen that he was 'Kami-sama's reincarnation', the regard had only increased, with a dash of hero-worship mixed into it.

As for the Great Backstabbing itself, they were no closer to figuring out who had done it than they had been when it had originally happened.

Minato knew logically and in his heart (and gut too) that the Uchiha clan wasn't to blame for either incident, or the attempted assassination on him, but there was a reason all the signs pointed to it being an Uchiha.

He was working on the 'rogue Uchiha' assumption, or that Danzou-sama had an Uchiha under his command. Danzou-sama did, in fact, have a motive after all.

The old man had made it perfectly clear that he believed Minato to be 'okay' as Hokage, but too soft on 'the rogue elements' of Konoha. He also hadn't made his hatred for the Uchiha a secret. By sectioning them off—

"Kushina, I think I know why!"

"What?" she said, having fallen asleep on the extra chair he'd decided to keep in his room especially for her.

"Have I been thinking for that long?" he asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, it's nearly midnight. What did you figure out?" she yawned and then stretched.

"I figured out a possible reason for the Great Backstabbing _and_ the Inuzuka Incident!" he said excitedly.

Kushina was awake now, and was just as excited as him. "What is it 'ttebane?"

"By ostracising them and sectioning them off, they'll be easier to kill in one fell swoop."

Kushina paled. "Wait, so someone wants _all of them_ _ **dead**_?"

Minato's expression was grim. "My gut says yes."

" _Why?"_ she asked in great concertation.

"I don't know. Hatred is a strong motivator."

Kushina then whispered at the same time as him, "But love is far more corrosive."

* * *

 _3 days post-Sasuke_

 _25_ _th_ _of July  
Time: 1200 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Konoha Cemetery_

Akimichi Kimi, wife of Akimichi Chouza, stood behind a tree, carefully watching two Uchiha children laying flowers on a grave.

But there were some things that didn't add up.

The grave was her late husband's and the two children were unknown to her, but she knew that, being the Akimichi Matriarch, the girl was the Uchiha heiress.

Why would the Uchiha heiress and her cousin be placing flowers on her husband's grave?

At first it made her angry, but as she continued watching them, her heart lightened in a way she thought it never would after the Great Backstabbing.

They stood there, two innocent children, and kneeled at her husband's grave, praying for him. Then they got up and moved to a grave that she thought belonged to one of the other victims of that day, and did the same thing again. Then to the third victim.

There was something very humbling about watching children acknowledge all the losses of the day, not just the politically most important. They were all humans, and Kimi was ashamed that she had had such uncharitable thoughts about these children's clan.

She remembered that they had lost one of their own; what must it be like, to be shunned for grieving for one of their own?

Uchiha Inabi had been the only casualty of the day that hadn't been given a grave marker in the main Konoha cemetery, as though they deemed him unworthy of the same compassion that the other three victims had had.

She watched the two children and finally truly grieved, because for the first time there was no anger mixed in with the sorrow, no blame marring her own regrets for time lost, no murderous Sharingan eyes distorting the image of her Chouza's smile…

She cried, and while the two children heard, they didn't intrude; some things were best done alone.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

"He's really cute, isn't he?"

"You were cuter."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were."

That was the first fight Itachi-touto and I had ever had, and it was the worst.

It lasted for an entire day. He gave me snide looks, derisively snorted whenever I said anything, ignored me when I said anything to him, and silently withdrew into himself the longer it continued. He truly is the king of passive-aggressive...

Sa-chan's crib was in my room, seeing as Otou-san was kind of hopeless with a baby. Itachi-touto spent most of his time next to the crib, and since we were fighting and I was out of the house all hours of the day, the time I spent with Sa-chan was nearly non-existent.

I feel like a failure of an elder sister...

So the ritual began that continued till we were old and grey: when Itachi-touto reluctantly left Sa-chan's side and went to bed, I came up to him and kissed Sa-chan on the forehead and whispered, "Bonne nuit, Sa-chan."

The next morning, I prepared breakfast and fed Sa-chan (who'd woken up three times in the night and I'd had to shush him, so now I felt like a zombie, but at least he was asleep now.), then, when Itachi-touto came downstairs, I served him his favourite: onigiri with konbu.

"I still think you're cuter than him."

His head was bent over his bowl so I couldn't see his expression, but I knew he was listening.

"But it's good that you think he's the cutest."

At this, he looked up at me, silently prompting me to elaborate.

"You have me to think you're the cutest and Sa-chan has you to think he's the cutest."

"And Otou-san thinks you're the cutest," he said with a twitch of his lips.

"Well, you know what it's like with Fathers and daughters," I winked.

A beat of silence, and then, "Where does Okaa-san fit into this?"

"She married Otou-san, didn't she?"

We both laughed, and the tension disappeared.

It figures that the only thing we'd fight over would be Sa-chan...

* * *

 _This was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be…and it is_ **_long_** _! I'm_ _actually wondering whether I should change the genre of this story from Humour to Adventure or Drama or something…is this story even funny anymore? Thoughts? Also, I was thinking of writing character bios at the end of chapters. What do you think? Also, which was your favourite 'snippet'? And favourite character? Would you like a full timeline of events? Review please?_

 ** _Edited 26/02/2017_**


	9. Eventful Evenings

' _ **Do not let the actions of others decrease your good manners, because you represent yourself, not others.'**_

* * *

Some people have hair envy. Some have eye envy. Others have an assortment of figure, complexion or nail envy.

As strange and bizarre as it sounds, I have ear envy.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not obsessed in the conventional sense. The shape and whether the earlobe is attached or not doesn't really matter to me.

I guess what I really envy, or I suppose the correct way of saying it is "am jealous of" because I don't really want to take it away from her, is earrings.

Or rather, Ine-chan had her ears pierced this morning, and I am _beyond_ jealous. In my old life, mum had pierced my ears at thirteen months because she thought I looked far too much like a boy as a baby, and I'd sort of taken it for granted that I had pierced ears.

But, clearly, Okaa-san hadn't deemed it necessary to "mutilate my ears for the sake of fashion", in accordance with the _Book of Old-Fashioned Stiffs, Chapter 4: How to Make Your Daughter's Life Miserable without Even Trying._

I don't get depressed about most anything, but when a wriggling baby with _blue hair_ has prettier ears than you, well.

So I was sitting in the corner of the Uchiha Senbei growing mushrooms and muttering to myself in self-pity when Teyaki-ji-san came back from the grocers. Ine-chan gurgled in her crib in a vague semblance of happiness (she's too young to really gauge actual coherent emotions) and I glanced at him before going back to drawing random shapes on the floor with my index finger.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked gruffly, with nary a care for my woes.

"Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?" I said in a pathetic attempt at nonchalance.

He looked up from the grocery bags with barely hidden trepidation. "This is one of those 'double meaning' things Fugaku warned me about, isn't it?"

You know when you're sad about one thing and then suddenly, you're sad about everything? Like, things that would have normally made you happy or things that you would normally brush aside suddenly become the greatest breaches of trust and betrayal?

"Oh, so you and Otou-san have been talking about me behind my back, have you? I see how it is! Fine, I don't want to talk to old people anyway! Who'd want to talk to a baldy anyway!?" I sniffed, pouting and glaring at the packet of flour with unwarranted heat.

"Who're you calling baldy, you little brat!?" he yelled comically, and that would normally have made me laugh, but I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to find it funny.

"You, you big poopy head!" I glared heatedly at him, and he glared right back.

"Drama Queen!"

"Smelly old man!"

"Princess Puff!"

"Mufasa Murderer!"

"Chubby Baby!"

" _You're the chubby baby!"_ I screeched.

He smirked in satisfaction. " _I_ don't have chipmunk cheeks, unlike _you_."

I seethed, and I know this is the silliest argument _ever_ , but I wanted to **win**.

"Your daughter's going to get married to a smelly old man with a scratchy beard!"

His eye twitched. "At least my daughter has _prospects_ , unlike your statue of a brother!"

Oh, he'd done it now! No one talks about Itachi-touto like that and gets away with it!

" _At least my brother doesn't wet the bed, unlike_ _ **your**_ _daughter!"_

" _She's three months old, genius!"_

" _Three months too old to be wetting the bed maybe!"_

"Idiot!"

"Stupidhead!"

"Runt!"

"Moron!"

"Bead-eater!"

"Hamster-lover!"

"Chicken-killer!"

"Meat-eater!"

"I'm a vegetarian!" he screamed.

I gave him a smug grin and his eyes widened in horror. Here came the killing blow, the great finisher, the argument-winner of all argument-wins, and I would utter it and he _knew_ he had lost. The defeat in his eyes was sweet, and my mouths formed the syllables of his death sentence as he collapsed onto his knees, eyes to the heavens and comical tears pouring down his face.

"No you're not!"

I win. I feel better now.

* * *

"—getting more and more restless I'm afraid," I heard a scratchy female voice say as Itachi-touto and I stepped into the house.

Seeing as not only was Okaa-san still at the hospital and would be for two weeks but also that Okaa-san's voice is sweet and mellow, Otou-san must have guests over.

Or, more specifically…Itachi-touto looked at me with curiosity. "Inuzuka-sama?" he asked, not for confirmation that it was her, but rather asking me whether I knew why she was at our home.

I shrugged. "I'll get the tea."

Itachi-touto nodded and the both of us headed into the house, Itachi-touto directly heading to my room where we'd left Sa-chan (because if Otou-san was entertaining guests, he would either have him in the same room as himself, or in the last place we'd left him. Seeing as we'd only gone out for some fresh vegetables and savouries, I doubt he would have relocated his youngest).

I walked into the living area where, sure enough, Inuzuka-sama with her dog partner, Kuromaru if I remember correctly, and Otou-san were seated on the dining table/kotatsu. This also reminds me that winter is coming. Both meanings of that statement. I keep forgetting that October the Tenth isn't that far away…I need to get someone to remind me…well, I have willing minions, and I might as well put them to good use.

No, I'm not taking advantage of their blind faith in me. What are you looking at?

On another note, I'm not a dog person. Kuromaru is a very big dog.

I mentally sighed, because I could _feel_ the headache that would develop after spending more than three hours getting all the dog hair out of the house.

The price we pay for being social…

"Good morning, Inuzuka-sama," I said with a smile and polite bow.

"Yo pipsqueak. Out grocery shopping?" she asked flippantly, waving away my bow.

I didn't take offense; no one took offense to the brash nature of the Inuzuka, although it grated on the Hyuuga sensibilities. Otou-san simply sighed at the lack of formality between us.

"Of course you know each other…" he muttered under his breath, and I suppressed a giggle.

Inuzuka-sama had no such compunctions and barked a harsh laugh. "Ah, Fugaku-sama, your whole family seems to be a piece of work, not just the kids!"

Otou-san put on a strained smile at this; he doesn't like it when non-Uchiha are this informal with him, but I guess if this meeting goes well, he's just going to have to get used to it. Judging by the lack of animosity, this wasn't an unforeseen visit—she'd been invited here.

They must be forging stronger connections with each other's clans, though I'm slightly surprised. The Inuzuka gain far less from dragging themselves through the mud by joining forces with the Uchiha than we gain by allying ourselves with another clan to support us, especially because the Inuzuka Incident hadn't blown out of proportion, unlike the Great Backstabbing.

Oh well. It's probably just initial impression gathering anyway. No need to get ahead of myself.

"Would you like some tea, Inuzuka-sama?" I asked, mentally cataloguing the state of the cupboards and wondering what other things I would feed them with the tea. We have some manjū and sakuramochi from the last time Obito-kun visited.

The tradition of him bringing me sweets hasn't changed. I love sweets. Just putting it out there.

"Sounds good. If you can send for Hana-chan, she can have some as well and I won't have to bother with lunch."

Both Otou-san and I sweatdropped. I'm glad I have the Okaa-san I do, because Okaa-san would _never_ condone letting us go without three meals a day at _least_.

Counting my blessings already.

Speaking of Okaa-san, the medic-nin are just keeping her in the hospital for a while longer to offset any complications, should they arise. Until then, I'm in charge of household food supplies, laundry, cleaning and baby-care and I'm astonished I haven't dropped dead already.

It's nice to have Nishi-oba-san helping out wherever she could, and Itachi-touto and her daughter Izumi-chan get along well, so that's always a plus. Otherwise, I don't know how I'd manage Okaa-san's job _and_ my own self-appointed duty of fostering good relations with most everyone in the village by visiting them at least once in a fortnight.

I nodded at Inuzuka-sama and called for Itachi-touto to come downstairs.

He plodded down the stairs with Sa-chan in a baby sling, cautiously placing his feet on the stairs to ensure he didn't slip.

"Go find Hana-chan for me, yeah? Inuzuka-sama wants her to have something to eat here," I said as he reached me. An emotion flitted across his face that was a cross between reluctance, eagerness, worry and resigned acceptance.

Heh. Who would have thought I could read _the_ Uchiha Itachi's expressions this well?

Not me, I can tell you that much.

He nodded, carefully manoeuvred Sa-chan's sling to wear his sandals, and headed out the door in search of the rambunctious girl.

I'm sure he'll find her; he's Uchiha Itachi.

I went to the kitchen and began preparing some green tea and brought out plates to arrange the sweets and savouries on.

There was a certain way of doing it, and over the years, Okaa-san had decorative-fan-to-the-headed me on the proper way of presenting food based on social class, gender and village.

I, of course, enjoyed every minute of playing around with the different ways one could present food. Okaa-san generally just let me do whatever once I'd gotten the proper way to serve food to the Daimyo and Hokage (although in the latter case, I doubt Minato-sama would mind much if I just gave him the food arranged in the shape of a smiley face. He's awesome like that. And doesn't have a stick up his arse.)

The kettle began boiling as I crushed the tea leaves, and I took it off the stove with far less dignity than Okaa-san displays on a regular basis.

That woman is unnaturally graceful, I swear!

Pouring the water into a teapot and then infusing it with the crushed leaves, I fetched the mini-sieve and five cups with delicate sakura blossoms adorning its surface. They were by far my favourite cups, but Okaa-san was very particular about using them only when important guests were being entertained.

Inuzuka-sama counted as important. And even if she didn't, Okaa-san isn't here to tell me not to use these ones.

Got to exploit my youth while I can, right?

I put these things on a tray, then took out the manjū and sakuramochi, presenting them as one would in a semi-formal gathering (although I doubt Inuzuka-sama would honestly care, but better safe than sorry) along with some savoury senbei that I illegally appropriate from the Uchiha Senbei on a regular basis.

Hey, I was working for free! I'm taking compensation, and so what if it's in the form of treats? Teyaki-ji-san can't prove anything after they're eaten anyway!

Moral compass, you are clearly not needed here.

I carried them to the dining room, and then brought out the tea and poured it for Inuzuka-sama and Otou-san. By this time, Itachi-touto and Hana had arrived, bringing her three puppies into the _living room I had only just cleaned this morning_.

No, I'm not seething with undiluted rage. That would be wrong and out of character. Why would I want to strangle her and leave her entrails out for the crows to peck at while dancing around her funeral pyre in a mildly racist interpretation of Native Americans?

…In my defence, I haven't slept properly in over four days.

Sa-chan is far fussier than Itachi-touto ever was, and he sleeps in my room. I've also been having to wake up at five in the morning to get all the laundry out of the way (by Kami-sama that shit just keeps piling up! If it's not washing then its hanging out to dry, or bringing back in, or ironing, or putting away, or collecting from every nook and cranny. Otou-san has this _bizarre_ habit of stuffing his dirty laundry in the oddest places. Just yesterday, I found one of his hakama stuffed in the vegetable box. I didn't even know he knew where that was, let alone how he got it there while I was cooking the entire time. I can just imagine him sneaking in with a sack of dirty laundry and stuffing it in odd places, giggling to himself like a school girl…I need professional help…) and then prepare breakfast for all of us, feed Sa-chan as he invariably wakes up before the other two men in the household (I hate morning people, I really do), get the bento ready for Otou-san and Itachi-touto (I just steal from Shisui-chan and Emiko-chan these days) and some food for Nishi-oba-san (so that she had something to eat while babysitting Sa-chan—he's a handful enough without asking her to cook lunch as well. As it is, she cooks dinner for all of us)…

And that's just the morning.

After school, Itachi-touto, Shisui-chan, Emiko-chan and I walk to the street that might as well be called the Uchiha district even though loads of non-Uchiha live there as well, and then Emiko-chan goes home and the three of us dump our bags at home. Then Shisui-chan and I don't even pause to take a breath and I _know_ he barely says goodbye to his okaa-san before running to my place where I've just finished changing and ruffling Sa-chan's hair _once_ , and then we're on our feet and in other people's houses till seven thirty at night. He goes home and I go to the Uchiha Senbei and all I do is bake, fill out orders, man the cash register, feed Ine-chan, banter with Teyaki-ji-san, and then get home at nearing eleven at night.

Then I do my homework, give Sa-chan a bath (by Kami-sama, that baby sleeps the whole day, _except_ when I want to go to sleep!), make preparations for breakfast the next day, clean up after the three male Uchiha who are, thank Kami-sama, neat freaks themselves, kiss both my brothers good night, give Otou-san a hug, and then slip into bed after a shower.

Only to be woken up every thirty minutes by the Itachi-killing, Chidori-abusing, tomato-loving, should-have-been-drowned-at-birth week old grandson of Beelzebub.

…four days of this, rinse and repeat.

Forgive me for not being all there.

"This stuff is awesome! You get to eat it every day, Pink-eyes?" squealed Hana, happily letting the senbei soak in her tea before stuffing it in her mouth. Her eyes sparkled with appreciation at the food, and I knew then and there that I needed to make food for this girl, because while the Uchiha Senbei had the best senbei in the world, it sounded as though she only ate one type of food every day.

Which, you know, is actually really sad because Hi no Kuni has so many delicacies and traditional secret recipes, and it sucks that she thinks senbei are an innovation.

…or maybe I'm seriously overthinking this…

"No Hana-san; that would be unhealthy," frowned Itachi-touto in a chibi-serious way. He's so adorable.

Inuzuka-sama nudged Otou-san in the side, and I managed to catch his left eye twitch in irritation. She gruffly said, "Trained the kid well, have you, Fugaku? Or is that the mama in him coming out?"

Itachi-touto didn't let Otou-san reply. "Neither, Inuzuka-sama; it is entirely my opinion, formed after several days of research. I didn't need someone to tell me that it's unhealthy to eat snacks every day."

I felt like face-palming, because clearly, Itachi-touto was really irritated. He's never normally that curt with anyone. I guess their informality really rubs him the wrong way, which, you know, fair enough. It _was_ kind of off-putting after seven solid years of borderline Royal Family Formality, but I guess a high tolerance for jarring things is something I've, thankfully, got in spades. Itachi-touto does as well though, so I'm actually a bit concerned.

But first, damage control, because Inuzuka-sama has an annoyed glint in her eyes; I suppose she really _does_ care that people are polite to her, even if she doesn't extend the same courtesy.

"Of course not, Otouto," I mock-sighed, shaking my head in resignation. "Only you would research something as boring as that…"

Otou-san suppressed his desire to argue in Itachi-touto's defence and said to Inuzuka-sama, "My eldest son prefers learning things on his own, and takes offense when anyone implies he 'cheated', as it were. He will learn to take shortcuts soon enough I suspect; he is young, but incredibly conscientious."

Equal parts apologetic, plausible and subtly-painting-Itachi-touto-as-a-genius. It's the notion of 'geniuses being slightly "difficult" to deal with' that Otou-san is playing with, and it doesn't hurt the Uchiha reputation at all, unlike what would have happened if he'd reprimanded Itachi-touto and been properly apologetic to Inuzuka-sama.

Politics.

"Kids, right?" Inuzuka-sama said, buying our half-lie completely. And no, I doubt she genuinely believes a child that's reputed to be polite and quiet would be that curt with her simply because he didn't like her attitude—it doesn't fit his character profile.

I may or may not have had anything to do with said character profile.

In other, completely unrelated news, I would have made a _brilliant_ PR in my old world.

Just putting it out there.

"Hmph, so Pink-eyes is a prick at home too, huh? Ma would have my hide if I talked like that!" Hana sulked, glaring at Itachi-touto.

I slipped into the space in between Itachi-touto and Hana seamlessly, with far more grace than I ever have before. I guess practise _does_ make perfect. And yes, yes I have been practising sitting down gracefully.

I'm a very sad individual.

"So Hana-hime, you and Otouto are in the same year at the academy? I've heard you're quite the up-and-coming kunoichi," I began with an encouraging smile, hoping she would stop calling my little brother Pink-eyes before Otou-san popped a blood vessel at the sheer _audacity_ of the Inuzuka heiress.

Luckily, flattery gets you everywhere with children; I've had plenty of experience over the last seven years especially. She grinned from ear-to-ear, the Inuzuka fang markings on either cheek marred by two cute dimples. She nodded excitedly. "You've heard about me?"

I nodded with a smile. Yes, yes I had. "You're quite good with poultices and herbs aren't you? Yuwaku-sensei keeps raving about your skills; you made that bead bracelet she wears didn't you? The one with the tiny canine?"

Her grin became wider and she blushed. "I like Yuwaku-sensei; she smells nice."

I giggled; trust an Inuzuka to base their impressions of people on scents. "Yeah, kind of like pepper and cinnamon, right?"

Hey, I have a nose too you know; and she leans right into you whenever you make a mistake, and I make mistakes all the time—I _can't_ do the whole remembering the flower meanings thing and then making a flower arrangement for various different situations.

Hana exclaimed happily and then started talking about all the teachers she had, how she hates ninjutsu theory (I find it really interesting, but that's probably just an Akito thing—Emiko-chan hates it too, and she's far from stupid so it's not that it's difficult and that's why they hate it), jewellery-making (Itachi-touto and I have been invited to the Inuzuka household to observe her creativity), and her dogs (the Haimaru Triplets, who seem to be teething—at least that's what I understood from her ramblings. I asked her whether that was normal for dogs, because I'd never heard of dogs in my old world _teething_ like human babies, but apparently, dogs lose their puppy teeth at the age of four months. For ninken though, Hana has informed me with a clarity none of the rest of the conversation had, it's slower because that's how they've evolved, so that they can live as long as most humans do.)

I can see the veterinarian this girl will become already.

It's like every kid in the Shinobi world is a freaking prodigy!

Although I suppose she _is_ the Inuzuka heiress…and she _does_ own three puppies…actually, this is probably her _thing_ , you know? Like Itachi-touto's _thing_ is history and Koki-chan's _thing_ is wood carving.

Still, pretty impressive for a five year old.

I said as much, and Inuzuka-sama smirked in pride and Hana blushed really brightly.

I've made a new friend!

…but she still calls Itachi-touto Pink-eyes…

Insert sigh here.

* * *

Sa-chan is officially three weeks old today. So, we're going to visit Okaa-san at the hospital. Otou-san is of the opinion that she misses us, but I think differently—for various reasons, but the main one is the first thing she said to us when we walked into her room.

Wrapping Sa-chan up securely in a pearly blue woollen sweater and cream blanket Hoso-baa-san was kind enough to knit for him, combing Itachi-touto's chin-length hair at the back because he slept funny and it was sticking up in a hilarious hedgehog fashion (he's decided to let it grow out like Okaa-san and me—his tear-troughs are also becoming slightly more prominent, but not enough to be too noticeable), finding Otou-san's misplaced right sock (Kami-sama, laundry will be the death of me!) and tightly plaiting my knee-length hair so that they don't fly around everywhere in the autumn wind, we finally got out of the house.

We were supposed to head out at seven o'clock. It is now eight thirty.

Shisui-chan has been informed that he has the day off, meaning he doesn't have to converse with multiple civilians and shinobi about retarded things like the latest styles for haori designs and the price of vegetables, or repetitive pleasantries and gossip.

The poor guy must be tired of it by now, and while _I'm_ okay with it, largely because most people are awesome and the way they see the world is really interesting to me (because sometimes I feel like a tourist in my own home), I know for a fact that he'd rather we just trained together, and I know for a fact that his okaa-san is ready to _litter_ him with bruises for the number of dinners he's missed and/or been late to.

…my bad…

But for some strange reason, he looked sort of…disappointed that I was going to the hospital and catching up on some Me Time today, instead of dragging him to _n_ number of houses.

Huh.

Anyway, Koki-chan wanted to come, but when Itachi-touto heard I'd not offered for Shisui-chan to come with us, he hastily told his best friend that he wanted to spend time with his family only "for the first time in two years".

…Ouch. Has it really been that long?

Koki-chan was really understanding about it, which makes me think that Itachi-touto's talked about this before. I feel like a terrible elder sister now…

With Sa-chan in a baby sling and Itachi-touto's hand clasped in mine, our family unit of four walked to the hospital, passing about four dozen acquaintances and a smattering of friends along the way. I waved and smiled and greeted people, but no stopping on the streets this time. Itachi-touto's refusal to let Koki-chan come has really made me start thinking about the lack of time I'm giving my brothers these days. In fact, now that I think about it, I'd spent a solid two months at home with Itachi-touto when he'd first been born, and even after that I'd made a special spot of time for just the two of us. With Sa-chan, I don't think I've really sat down and just _existed_ with him.

Two whole weeks and I haven't even finished telling him the Barbie™ version of Princess and the Pauper. I think I'm still on the whole 'Preminger wants to marry Annelise' part of the story…King Dominic hasn't even been introduced yet!

This is unacceptable!

…but the tenth of October is only four days away. I can't afford to just pretend that the Uchiha-Konoha tensions will disappear if I don't think about it, and the Kyuubi Attack isn't going to help _anything_.

Wow, priorities…

The hospital looks the same as it did the last time I saw it four days ago, so I don't exactly have anything exciting to say about it; they're trying to get the Council to give them permission to expand the hospital because there aren't enough beds for the growing population's needs, but the problem is that there isn't enough room for the expansion. Hagane-sensei has been cribbing about it for days now, muttering darkly that he doesn't get enough money to deal with ham-fisted bureaucrats. His patience levels are falling at an alarming and hilarious rate.

He looked ready to strangle one of the trainee medics with the catheter she was carrying because she'd written one of the patient's names using the wrong kanji. Even her blonde twin panda buns were quivering when he was done yelling at her.

I'd given her a daifuku and a pat on the head, giving her a quick sheepish smile, before running behind the irate senior medic-nin with temper management issues. The next time I came to the hospital, before I left for the day (read: got kicked out because Hagane-sensei had reached his threshold limit for my questions), the short waif-like woman with pouty lips and actual pink eyes ( what even _is_ genetics in this world!?) saw me out, introduced herself as Komoto Togari (apt name, considering she _does_ look like a pixie, and her family name means 'small origin', which instantly indicates that she's from one of the first civilian families to join Konoha when it was first founded), and gave me a homemade box of chinsuko (which I keep calling biscuits by accident and getting weird looks for) for cheering her up because, apparently, Hagane-sensei's tirade would have been the last straw and she'd been planning on quitting, but my daifuku had made her want to try harder for some reason.

I'm touching people's lives without even _trying_. I mean, how does a daifuku even _remotely_ qualify as a motivational speech!?

But yeah, now she's taken to following me around, which means she follows Hagane-sensei around, which means he screams at her even more, which means I lose many a daifuku, anmitsu and dango to the cause, which means I'm not a happy bunny, which means Shisui-chan gets yelled at a lot, which means he laughs at me a lot, which means I shove him into the Naka River a lot, which means his okaa-san gets angry with him a lot, which means it doesn't make _sense_ that he's disappointed with me right now and I don't know why and I should just _stop_ thinking about it!

Ahem.

Okay, it's bugging me, but whatever. I can't know everything right?

Sa-chan's nose twitched cutely as we navigated the now-familiar corridors, and when we entered Okaa-san's room, he let out a tiny sneeze. Okaa-san looked up from a book she was reading (it looks suspiciously like one of the gooey cheesy romances Kushina-ba-chan gushes over behind Minato-sama's back, but you didn't hear that from me) and then said, "Oh. It's you."

I feel the love.

"We missed you too Okaa-san! The earth doesn't turn properly without your presence!" I said dramatically, leaving my over-the-top expression on my face until her lips twitched upwards.

"The laundry?" she smirked knowingly.

How does she _do_ that?

"No."

"I see." Her smirk deepened.

Maternal instincts? Mind-reading? Uchiha Senses? All of the aforementioned?

But yes, clearly she's seeing this stint in the hospital as a much-needed vacation from household chores. She looks well, if a little paler than usual, but nothing, she tells us firmly, a few more days of rest won't fix.

"Can't leave you with the ironing for too long, can I, Akito-chan?" she said with a self-satisfied smile, akin to a cat having eaten Tweety _and_ Jerry.

I'd had inklings before, but this just proves it—Okaa-san is _evil_.

"I can manage," I said, puffing my cheeks in mock-indignation.

At least she let out a chuckle, and Otou-san's shoulders relaxed imperceptibly.

They really love each other, you know? That's a difference from my real parents. My real parents grew up together, from primary school all the way to university, and then they joined the same hospital, did their rotations in the same area, and then got married. It was a sort-of arranged marriage, with my father having understood it to be a love marriage and my mother of the opinion that he was 'good enough'. They'd grown up together, and I suppose they loved each other, but not that all-consuming can't-live-without-you passion that I've read about.

They were brilliant parents though, and I miss them every day.

But Okaa-san and Otou-san had that subtle give-and-take that made it fairly obvious to anyone looking for it that they _really_ loved each other, even if they weren't the type to flaunt it in public. Like, at all. They would be my OTP if MinaKushi wasn't so much better.

No offense to…my second set of parents I guess.

Huh…

"You _are_ okay?" Itachi-touto asked with a concerned scrunch of his eyebrows. Okaa-san's eyes filled with affection in a way it only ever does when Itachi-touto showed how much he loved her.

"Of course, Itachi-chan; don't worry too much," she said, running a hand across his forehead to smooth out his forehead. She turned to look at me expectantly. "Well? Where's my youngest?"

Sa-chan took this moment to pick up on the fact that he wasn't at home and that this place smelled funny, and thus began squirming and threatening to start crying. I deadpanned at Okaa-san and said, "You planned this."

She looked at me with evil amusement and motioned for her youngest. I obliged, handing the squirming bundle of baby powder and knitted winter wear to his mother for the first time in two weeks. Literally, I don't think Okaa-san got to hold him for more than five minutes before we were all told to leave because she needed surgery and rest.

In fact, this is the first time _I'm_ seeing Okaa-san in two weeks.

She snuggled the sniffling Sa-chan into her arms, gazing at him with unadulterated adoration.

It struck me then that Okaa-san never looked at me with that look. Ever.

Itachi-touto gets that look, but I thought it was just that Itachi-touto rarely showed outward affection to anyone and that's why he got the look. Apparently not.

Otou-san laid a hand on my shoulder, startling out of my numbing thoughts, and I looked up at him. He looked back at me, and whether he understood what I was thinking or not, it doesn't matter. Because that look told me that Otou-san would always love me the way Okaa-san did my little brothers. And that was good enough for me.

I smiled, and he smiled back.

It was like a picture, that moment. Okaa-san laying on a hospital bed with her hair splayed on the pillow, holding Sa-chan and gazing at him lovingly; Itachi-touto peering into Sa-chan's face and poking his forehead gently to calm him down; Otou-san and I standing at the foot of the bed and silently watching the most precious people in our lives with small smiles on our face; the sun streaming through the window; the blue sky and soft clouds carrying the smell of autumn through the window.

Home.

* * *

The next day, Okaa-san was released unto the world, and I decided that it was unacceptable how often I kept forgetting that October the tenth was nearly upon me. It was already August; there wasn't all that much time left.

So far, this year has been ridiculously eventful—it's like _everything_ has happened this year!

The Great Backstabbing happened only this April, then the war ended, then Minato-sama became Hokage, then Ine-chan was born, then Itachi-touto joined the academy and was advanced to my class for ninjutsu and taijutsu theory, then Uruchi-oba-san passed away, then the triple funeral happened, then Kabuto joined ROOT, then there was an attempt on Minato-sama's life, then Sarutobi Mariko was murdered, then word got around that there was an attempt on my life (by Kami-sama, the amount of lying through our teeth and the subsequent nightmare it had been to ensure Danzou didn't get a whiff of the truth while simultaneously keeping Kabuto in ROOT even though he'd failed his mission of offing me before my time was enough to give me grey hairs), and then Sa-chan was born.

And that's not even counting Itachi-touto getting kidnapped (it happened this March; it feels like _years_ since then…) or the Kannabi Bridge Mission, both before Chouza-sama's death.

Wow. Just, wow.

Far too much has happened this year. How has _anyone_ coped?!

Mind you, majority of those things don't really affect most people. So I guess, the better question would be, how have _I_ coped?!

On the bright side, Shisui-chan's nearly eight and will be old enough to seek out an instructor for his short swords (apparently there's an age restriction; I have to wait till _next_ year to find someone to teach me how to use the naginata…), all my limbs are still intact, my family is safe and sound, Ine-chan has started on soft semi-liquid food, and I had a really weird dream involving Kabuto wearing a pink tutu and telling me to clear the dance floor because he wanted to show me his 'fabulous pliés!' while Shisui-chan came out of an oven dressed as Cruella the Cake, cackling about feeding Hansel more food 'the better to eat him my dear!' Itachi-touto was drawing a smiley face on Batman's mask with my real mother's lipstick, while Otou-san was having a shouting match with the milkman for the purple dolphin he found in his soup.

…I told you it was a weird dream.

Anyway, now that Okaa-san is back, I no longer need to do the laundry and wake up at ungodly hours (although Sa-chan is _still_ in my room until further notice because he starts crying every single time we put him to sleep somewhere else. It's like he _knows_ when his crib is in the wrong room! Once, we got him to sleep and then moved him to a different room; the brat _immediately_ woke up and brought the house down with his wails. Insert sisterly sigh here.) so that's a plus.

Speaking of pluses, I've decided to make use of Izumi-chan, who has recently joined the Itachi-touto fanclub _and_ his friends list—a feet only Koki-chan has accomplished. I guess all those hours of babysitting Sa-chan together and having most of their academy classes together has worked wonders previously unheard of.

Was Izumi-chan relevant to the plot?

I can't seem to remember her at all. She's an Uchiha with dark brown hair (quite common in our clan, although black is still predominant), the standard pale skin, aristocratic features and black eyes (seriously, Ine-chan is the _only_ one with a different eye colour) with a beauty mark under her right eye. She looks really dependable as well, so I've charged her with the task of reminding me on the ninth of October that it's the tenth of October the next day.

She looked at me for a moment, as if wondering if I was joking. Seeing that I was completely serious however, she agreed readily without asking why I needed to remember that specific date, even though I could practically _feel_ the curiosity radiating off of her.

That's one thing settled at least.

Oh look, there's Okaa-san with an eyebrow raised at me threateningly, a comb and bottle of coconut oil in hand.

Coming out of my handstand with a theatrical flip, I ran back into the house for my haircare ritual, something I'd been neglecting the last three weeks because of both my hectic schedule and the fact that Okaa-san's usually the one that does it.

I can already _feel_ the knots in my knee-length hair unloosening.

* * *

It was halfway through August when, after school, Itachi-touto and I parted ways with Shisui-chan and Emiko-chan, who continued their usual way (Shisui-chan's okaa-san was really pleased that her son was spending the day at home, and Shisui-chan's always glad for a few days reprieve out of the 365), instead heading to the Inuzuka Compound with Hana.

She had invited us after all, and it would be rude not to avail the invitation.

Fostering better relations between our clans and all that.

Itachi-touto looked a bit impatient to get this over with, so I smacked him upside the head when Hana wasn't looking, distracted by one of her puppies. He gave me a startled look and I frowned at him.

"I know you want to go home to Sa-chan, but don't you think you're cutting yourself away from everybody by coming a reclusive numpty a little too quickly? That thing with Inuzuka-sama aside, what's gotten into you? You've never been this disrespectful and impatient before."

Hana interrupted us with another exclamation about something, and I turned back to her, leaving a stricken little brother (hey, again, I'm basically his only parent—neither one of them are going to call him out on his ill-humour) with something to think about.

It was true though; Itachi-touto genuinely was drifting away from society and getting more and more wrapped up in spending time with Sa-chan. It'd be hypocritical of me to tell him to cut down his Sa-chan time because, let's face it, I spent a solid two months _only_ with Itachi-touto. But the fact does remain that I wasn't rude to everybody that came and went, didn't reply curtly whenever anyone spoke to me, nor did I get irritated easily by loudmouths.

Itachi-touto was never this ill-behaved before, and it isn't even because of a valid reason; he just doesn't think anything is as important as Sa-chan, and proves it by essentially cutting off any new people in his life because he feels like he's betraying Sa-chan in some ridiculously convoluted fashion by forming new bonds with people.

Gah Itachi-touto!

We reached the main Inuzuka household (which was still as messy and haphazard as ever) in relative silence, with Hana fussing over one of her puppies (when asked for their individual names, I was soundly informed in a holier-than-thou voice that they were all called 'Haimaru Brothers'. Individuality, the world of Inuzuka Hana clearly lacks you.)

"Follow me! Ma's out to the hospital with Kiba; something about colic and tranquilisers, but I wasn't paying attention," she said, and it got me thinking.

I know that Chouji and Shino have already been given birth, Sakura is a March girl as far as I can remember so she exists, Kiba and Sasuke were both born last month and Naruto is due in two months' time. So that means five of the rookie nine have already been brought to this earth—everybody panic!

We followed Hana and the Haimaru triplets up the stairs. Itachi-touto was avoiding my gaze studiously, so I know he's still mulling over the short scolding I gave him. Hana veered to the door closest to the stairwell sharply, as if she were a speeding bullet train, beckoning the two of us in.

Entering a female's room is always a new experience for me, because my room has always looked fairly similar to my brother's rooms, with the exception of actually possessing a comb, rubber bands, some jewellery kept in a non-descript box, and maybe some hair grips scattered on the ground.

Hana's room was a pleasantly feminine room—not outrageously girly, but it smelled different. Itachi-touto suddenly stopped before crossing the threshold, eyes wide and a light blush covering his face. I guess he's finally realised what he's signed up for.

Although…he's five. _How_ does he know _anything_ that would make him embarrassed of coming to a girl's room?

Maybe it really is just the smell; it's sparkly and faintly citrusy. Different, in short, from our house, where everything just smells like whatever the weather outside dictates.

Her room is bright, with blues and pinks colouring the walls, the bed, the side-table and the study table. Her dressing table (again, she's _five_ , but what do I know right?) was covered with hairbands, ribbons of various colours, combs and brushes, various haircare products, a pincushion, a box of different coloured threads, and a couple of chewed up dolls (the Haimaru brother's handiwork no doubt).

As soon as you enter the room, you can see the window and the dressing table to the left of it. Hana bypassed all of that and dived under her bed, taking out a wooden box with a paintjob that looked decidedly like a child had tried to paint something complicated. She opened it up excitedly, and I moved over to her, content to let Itachi-touto have his mini-existential crisis in peace.

"Look at this one; Yuwaku-sensei said I should make them look more like real jewellery, so I make these ones for myself, because, come on, real jewellery is boring, right?" she said without pausing for breath, and I suppose I have to agree with her.

The jewellery she made was actually beautiful, in a completely original way. Okay, maybe hippie-esque, but still; I don't think I've ever seen the designs this five year old has come up with, and she was actually really good at it too. The one she was showing me was a bracelet shaped to look like vines from a rose wrapping around your arms, the rose perching on the left. The whole bracelet was made of coloured beads and copper wire woven together to create a sellable creation.

It was amazing, and I told her so. She grinned brightly and looked over at Itachi-touto, who still wasn't over his sudden moral dilemma. "Get in here Pink-eyes! You'll like this one. It's just the right level of girly for you!"

She used round beads and wires, cotton threads and square shards of stained glass, mirrors and cloth bands, leather and bone, ribbons and velvet…

I guess she really enjoys this sort of thing. She's also ridiculously talented at it.

It's no wonder Yuwaku-sensei adores her.

Even Itachi-touto was impressed, and it wasn't until his tummy grumbled that we realised we'd been in the Inuzuka household for two whole hours, and that it was dinner time. Sometime during the interval, Itachi-touto had brushed a hand against my shoulder, and all had been forgiven. Inuzuka-sama had returned from wherever she went to (she was gone so long that she must have gone somewhere other than the hospital before returning here).

"You bratlings hungry? I've made some steak," Inuzuka-sama said, having come all the way upstairs to inform us of this.

"We couldn't impose Inuzuka-sama; thank you for your hospitality," I said, getting up from my seiza position on the floor (indoctrination—dignified unto death, seriously…), I gestured for Itachi-touto to leave ahead of me.

"Nonsense Chibi-hime. I've already made everything; I'll tell someone to inform your parents—you two are staying for dinner, and then I have to nip out for a while, so you'll be staying till nine at the earliest," she stated gruffly, and we clearly had zero other options.

"Inuzuka-sama, Okaa-san has only recently been released from the hospital; really, we can't impose. We ought to—" I tried again, seeing Itachi-touto's imperceptible plea for escape.

But Inuzuka-sama simply nudged us out of the room, down the stairs, and towards the dining table, which was ridiculously cluttered. Why you'd keep a harpoon next to the baby chair, I don't know.

This reeks of bad parenting.

The food was bland and distinctly overcooked, but of course, you don't say things like that to your kidnapper. I mean, hostess. We refrained from mentioning the quality of the food, Itachi-touto actually taking the initiative and starting a conversation about ninken. Both our table partners were happy to oblige, Kiba gurgling sluggishly in Inuzuka-sama's arms.

The plates were then cleared away, respective gods thanked, and Inuzuka-sama left with Kiba for "ten minutes", telling us to skedaddle upstairs till she returned from wherever.

I sense that Hana doesn't see much of her okaa-san.

We hadn't even been in Hana's room for twenty seconds and I could feel myself unconsciously tensing. Itachi-touto was imperceptibly gauging the area and plotting exit routes. Hana, after a little while, began noticing the trepidation, but the minute she opened her mouth to ask us what was wrong, Itachi-touto ran towards her and pushed her out of the way as an incredibly familiar sword slashed at the place she'd been standing seconds ago.

There was a green thrumming coming from the window, and it didn't take me more than a split second to realise that that was an unholy amount of chakra and we were going to die.

That didn't stop me from standing in front of the quivering Hana, eyes fixed on the spot I could sense the chakra from. Itachi-touto followed my gaze and focussed his attention on the same spot as well.

There was no one there, but there _was_.

Our eye contact didn't waver, even when whoever it was tossed a kunai and made it seem like it was coming from a completely different direction (trajectory—there's a reason we learn theoretical throwing along with the practical). I deflected it with a kunai of my own.

A good shinobi-in-training _always_ has a weapon on them. Rule #1 of Shinobi Survival for Dummies.

"I see I've been found out," the assassin said menacingly, a visceral smirk in his voice. "Oh well. Assassination has never been my forte. I prefer something more…"

He stepped into view, and my eyes didn't waver from the blue hair, the blue-tinted skin, the tall stature, the shark eyes or the questionably-functional gills, no matter how much I wanted to scream into a pillow because that's _Hoshigaki Kisame_ and we didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell.

"…drawn out," he finished.

"What do you want?" asked Itachi-touto, his quiet voice confident and calm. If his knuckles hadn't been white from the clenching he was doing out of _Hoshigaki Kisame's_ sight, I wouldn't have been able to tell he was just as afraid as I was.

"I've come to collect the dog brat," he said in a mockingly pleasant voice, leaning casually on a bandaged Samehada. So now we know Hana's the target.

… _why?_

The Inuzuka aren't _that_ special. Yes, they have sharp noses. Yes, their hearing is brilliant and their tracking skills unparalleled in the shinobi world, but Hana has shown no prodigious talent in these fields. Why would he want to abduct the heiress? His forehead was unmarred with a slash, indicating he still worked for Kiri and hadn't defected yet. But more than that, it meant that if he was seen, he _wanted_ to be associated with the village, meaning they _wanted_ to be credited for kidnapping a five year old heiress _even though there was a spare_.

This does _not_ add up. Where's the logic in this?

"Any particular reason?" I asked, hoping to figure out whether there were secondary objectives, or if there was some Kami-sama divined way for me to ask him to spare Hana's life in exchange for helping him…in some way.

He looked amused. "There's nothing you can barter, little girl."

Well, that avenue is sealed.

I can't ask him why he's trying to kidnap Hana (he might not even know, if it's just a do-it-without-questioning-orders mission like most assassination and abduction ones are, because this is _definitely_ a mission - he seems too bored for this to be anything else) and he clearly isn't going to try to exploit us to accomplish any hitherto unstated secondary missions (he's broken into a village; abducting Hana is either a distraction from something major, or an aspect of something greater like wiping out the Inuzuka Head's line, which _still_ doesn't make much sense, because the _Inuzuka_? Really? Not enough of a gain, and if they'd done even the slightest bit of research, they would know that the Inuzuka clan in the worst clan to destabilise by getting rid of the head, because they choose successors of the head position far quicker than _any_ other clan, so minimal destabilisation. And Inuzuka-sama, while fearsome, doesn't have the same flamboyant reputation as the Ino-Shika-Chou trio, the Hyuuga twins, or, heck, any run-of-the-mill never-been-tested-in-battle Uchiha paper-pusher—because anyone with the last name Uchiha has an automatically fearsome reputation without even _trying_. Yet, if not to get rid of the Inuzuka family head, what else could be linked to this abduction that would be large scale enough to risk the wrath of Konoha not even four months after the end of the war?)

The only option is clear.

"Fine. Fine then, we'll just fight you," I said, hands in front of me and stance falling into the Daikaen style, fingers ready to grab the shuriken tucked into my obi. Itachi-touto beside me pushed a silent and cowering Hana further back, falling into the Uchiha-favoured modification, his eyes steady.

Kisame's look of amusement turned into outright laughter at our actions. His shoulders shook with laughter, and instead of feeling disheartened, all I could think of was that _someone_ must have heard that. This was a shinobi village after all.

"Two kids barely out of their diapers are going to fight one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist? That's the funniest thing I've heard in my entire life! Thanks for that," he said, and even though he was an enemy, the sincerity in his voice kind of made me feel bad for opposing this guy. He genuinely didn't have any normal funny stuff in his life?

…I need to stop sympathising with people for weird reasons. Really I do.

"Well, in exchange, you could let her go," I suggested, my voice conversational. Hana was trembling even worse now, and she was trying hard not to let the tears fall. It was a throwaway thing to say; I didn't expect him to let us go, but it would buy us time. He seemed to be humouring us, so maybe we had a chance of making it out of this alive.

"You're serious? You actually think a laugh is worth abandoning my mission?" he asked incredulously, clearly having never thought that anyone could be that retardedly desperate. Or maybe that's just my insanity showing itself without my permission…

"I'd say no, but that would get me nothing," I replied, well aware that this was Hoshigaki Kisame, who didn't like lies and thus joined Obitobi to rule the world and rid it of all vile human politicking and backstabbing.

Something about a mentor, encryption squad, betrayal, sword-inheritance, and disillusionment. If I remembered any of the particulars, that would be a miracle, but not immediately necessary. So, the best thing to do, and really the thing I was going to do anyway regardless of who my opponent was, is to be as frank as possible.

"You…don't have a filter, do you?" he looked sort of pessimistically awed, as though he'd never seen a creature like me before.

"No. Why should I? Lying about my motives is pointless. I have nothing to hide," I said, not losing eye contact. I wasn't sure what this was accomplishing, but I was giving this conversation my unadulterated, honest attention and opinion. It seemed right.

"You really are just a kid…well, it'll be merciful if I kill you now so that you won't have to be disillusioned. The world won't let honesty survive," he said, almost to himself, as though making up his mind firmly.

Of course; he'd be an idiot not to kill cumbersome witnesses, so this decision didn't come as a surprise. What did come as a surprise was how _sad_ his reasoning made me feel. The world won't let honesty survive so I might as well crush it? That's so...cynical.

Itachi-touto seemed to be thinking the same, but what he said gave me the strength to say what I was thinking. "We're allowed to dream. Something it seems you've stopped doing," he said, eyes clear and voice carrying.

"You're strong, Gaikokujin. Use it to change the world in a way that doesn't leave a bitter taste in your mouth," I said, thinking that maybe he didn't have to become a part of the Akatsuki if he started working at it himself. He could certainly make a greater impact than most people can. Of course, this is assuming Akatsuki exists in the way I remember it anymore, what with Obitobi no longer in the picture…

"It's impossible. Humans will never change," he stated, lifting Samehada but not swinging it down. Yet.

Itachi-touto narrowed his eyes in anger. "So you've admitted defeat? You'll continue following senseless orders, killing innocent people, all the while believing that it is wrong?"

" _You_ are killing honesty as much as everybody else, Gaikokujin, because you see it dying and don't even _try_ to save it," I said softly, piercing the silence that had descended on the room after Itachi-touto's harsh words.

Something flickered in Kisame's eyes, and I still can't figure out what it was.

It might have been hope; it might have been a small bit of peace; it might have been the calm before the storm; it might have been rage.

Whatever it was, he said nothing. He drew Samehada, swung it towards us, and when we didn't dodge it (because if we did, it would hit Hana, which would make this entire situation null and void), he withdrew it before it could touch us. As it is, I felt some of my chakra being siphoned away; Samehada truly is fearsome.

"Maybe you have a point kid," he whispered in his hoarse voice, addressing both Itachi-touto and me. He swung Samehada away and locked eyes with the both of us, his eyes lingering on Itachi-touto's defiant and wary ones, with a thoughtfulness in his gaze that seemed to be re-evaluating something.

He then turned his back to us, put one foot on the window sill, and flickered away without a trace.

I got the distinct impression that he had promised we'd see each other again.

I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

* * *

Inuzuka-sama came back almost as soon as Kisame left, and Hana had broken down completely, her muffled words finally being deciphered by her harried okaa-san.

We were escorted home by two Inuzuka teenagers as Inuzuka-sama and Hana first went to the hospital and then Minato-sama's office to report the kidnapping attempt and the presence of one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist in Konoha. We did not name him because he didn't name himself, and we had no reason to know who he was (Itachi-touto, I knew for a fact, had illegally appropriated an updated bingo book and kept it stashed in his room.) We thus referred to him as Gaikokujin, a polite way of saying foreigner, although really, there's no polite way of saying that, but at least it's better than the terribly offensive Gaijin.

Word spread like wildfire over the next few days, and the various residents of Konohagakure no Sato are divided on whether the Inuzuka should be treated like victims, like they deserved what they got after "what they did to poor Sarutobi-hime", or if they should treat them any differently at all because it was only attempted and not an actual success.

And then there's the contention over who did the saving; the Inuzuka heiress was saved from one of the Seven Swordsman by the Uchiha princess and her genius brother. Or, as the Hyuuga are quick to point out, a seven year old and a five year old.

Suffice to say, accusations of lying and sensationalism have been bandied about, with the Hyuuga firmly of the opinion that no such thing happened and that the Inuzuka just wanted sympathy after their PR had taken a hit from the Inuzuka Incident.

Which, you know, fair enough. If that wasn't it at all, I would even agree that that's a plausible thought.

It makes far more sense than what actually happened.

But yes, so now it's Uchiha vs Akimichi, and Inuzuka vs Hyuuga.

Nothing good is going to come out of this.

At all.

* * *

Six weeks after the assassination attempt, a riot broke out.

It started with Ine-chan.

Ine-chan is a very demanding baby, who requires all of her Otou-san's attention all hours of the day, but when it is eight o'clock (to the dot—we actually time it), she _needs_ her bottle, otherwise the Systematic Destruction of Poor Innocent Eardrums would commence.

I was helping out at the Uchiha Senbei, Teyaki-ji-san was preparing for the late night rush hour, Shisui-chan was with his Okaa-san trying to make up for how little time he'd been spending at home recently (I know I'm really emphasising this, but he doesn't _need_ to come with me wherever I go. Not that I stop him of course, that would just feel _wrong_ , and Kami-sama knows how much I depend on his bullshit detector, because _I_ don't have those kinds of magical powers), Itachi-touto was at home with Sa-chan, Okaa-san was at Kushina-ba-chan's house and Minato-sama was burning the midnight oil (Okaa-san was complaining about it before she left—she hasn't seen Minato-sama for _months_ now, and they're really close friends apparently; they were friends before Kushina-ba-chan and he became friends even. Who knew?) and Ine-chan was gurgling in her little baby basket in the corner of the shop.

Well, at least she _was_ gurgling in the corner, right up until the little clock on the counter ticked off the last few seconds of the nineteenth hour.

All hell broke loose, in the least metaphorical way possible.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!" went the baby, and "Please, not again!" went Teyaki-ji-san, running to the crying infant and lifting her with the expertise of a veteran in baby-handling. He tried shushing her and urging me to go get her bottle.

I complied speedily, but when I got to the kitchen and looked around…I even looked in the baby-bag, but there just wasn't any milk left, at all.

"Teyaki-ji-san, we've run out! Shall I get the horse tranquiliser?"

Instead of agreeing with the clearly well-meant and thought-out plan, he threw me an exasperated look and told me to run to Hokuda-san's shop to get "some more of the white stuff".

That sounds really wrong…

I nod and do, in fact, run to get the milk, leaving behind Ine-chan's retributory cries (she has a powerful pair of lungs, that little titch) and even, as I later find out, at the same time as Shisui-chan leaves his home to come look for me because Itachi-touto had called at his house to find me to cook something because Sa-chan was being picky again.

He's not even four months old yet and we accommodate his every whim…that's what happens when you're the youngest I guess. You get spoilt rotten and are still loved no matter how much of a brat you grow up to be.

I miss my brothers…I wonder how they are right now, what they're doing, where they've been, who they've met, what drama has been unfolding in their lives, whether they remember me…

It was dark outside (it was getting closer and closer to October the tenth and, with it, autumn and the cold and Naruto's birth and the Kyuubi Attack and my godmother's death and Minato-sama's end and—let's not think about it) and Konoha was still awake.

Konoha was always awake, all twenty four hours of all seven days of all fifty two weeks of every year, but the main busy periods were in the morning as everyone on the dayshifts started their work and the bulk of those on the nightshift went back home, in the late afternoon when the Academy let out and everyone had lunch, and in the hours between eight and ten when the people on the midday shift and nightshift swapped places.

Essentially, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

See? The three meals of the day are an important social convention.

On the way to Hokuda-san's shop, I quickly plaited my hair because the wind kept blowing wispy strands into my mouth, and I'd rather not have that impediment when I'm talking to people.

I'm very rarely alone.

I've recently noticed that if I'm not with Shisui-chan (very rare) then I'm at home with Itachi-touto or Okaa-san and, if Itachi-touto goes out to be social (very rare) and Okaa-san is off visiting people or managing Affairs of Great Import (pruning and watering the gossip channels), then I spend that time with Sa-chan talking about Mulan and Tarzan (he seems to enjoy it, judging by the amount of gurgling he does, and I've been giving it a concentrated effort these last few days to spend more time with him. Considering I've managed to finish three different stories, I think I'm doing pretty well).

I'm out nearly all hours of the day and I can't remember the last time I was just, well, _alone_.

Not lonely, but alone. Yes, there's a difference.

I've never been lonely, but I'd always managed to be alone sometimes—I had my room all to myself, but now that Sa-chan had taken up residence in my haven, people came and went with great frequency.

Don't get me wrong, I love having him in my room and I wouldn't give anything I do up for the world, and I'm not tired of having them around or anything like that!

It's just that I only just noticed that that was the case, that's all. Even the day we went to visit Okaa-san, when I got back, I spent the entire day with Itachi-touto and Sa-chan; Otou-san went to work, seeing as he'd only taken the morning off work.

Have you ever noticed that the night has a smell? It smells different to the morning and the afternoon, and even the evening. It's hard to describe the scent, but I think it's equal parts the food being cooked, the gas being burnt for light and just the _feeling_ that it's night time.

The night just feels different, in a way that drinking hot chocolate from your favourite mug wrapped in a fleece blanket in front of a fire in the cosiest armchair at the end of December is different from doing it at any other point of the year in any other armchair with hot chocolate in any other mug.

I like the night, is what it boils down to essentially.

I never got to Hokuda-san's shop.

Some men and women were exiting Amaguriyama, the greatest sweet shop in the village and the place I wished I lived in. They looked normal, happy and not the type to attack people out of the blue.

…well, the two Akimichi in the group looked normal, happy and not the type to attack people out of the blue. The three Hyuuga alongside them though, were wild cards.

In short, I didn't expect what happened next, and maybe that left me a bit off kilter.

Several families were out at this time, many residential buildings had their windows open to take in the smells of the food sizzling in Yakiniku Q and boiling in Ichiraku Ramen, the sounds of the village filtering into most everybody's household to strengthen the feeling of belonging to a greater whole.

It's one of those things that you wouldn't notice unless you hadn't always been a part of it, the fact that it was second nature to 'share' your meal with everyone in your village by leaving the doors and windows open wide and keep conversation flowing across balconies and shops.

Teuchi-san was talking to Mika-san, who lived on the third floor of the apartment building in front of his shop, about the rising vegetable prices, while he stirred his pot and fed three Yamanaka clansmen and she was feeding her two year old son.

Three Yamanaka were having a discussion and a Nara couple and three stall owners selling various seafood delicacies and confectioneries were adding their two cents whenever they weren't conversing with six other people on a completely different topic.

This is where I belong. This is why I smile and why I want to protect it all.

Can you imagine how _hard_ it must have been for Uzumaki Naruto, the pariah of Konoha, to see this communality and know that he would never be a part of it? That he would always be a Gaijin, an outsider?

Maybe it was karma, because why else would I have been thinking about being a Gaijin in your own home at that exact time?

The people coming out of Amaguriyama accidentally bumped into—wait, I know this person, come on Akito…oh yeah!—Jun-nii-san, my elder cousin who was the son of Okaa-san's second cousin.

There was a split second where they looked like they were about to apologise, but that quickly faded into disgusted anger when they saw his black hair, the porcelain skin and the Uchiha clan symbol on the sleeve of his hakama.

"Watch where you're going, _Uchiha_."

Jun-nii-san growled back with disdain, "Watch where _you're_ going, Akimichi."

Not good, not good at all. It was an Uchiha and a group with Akimichi, and their mood was turning sour at an alarming rate considering they'd _just come out of a sweet shop_.

Akimichi don't get angry easily, but after sweets, they are even less likely to feel negative emotions—the fact that they looked ready to deck Jun-nii-san was indicative of how bad this was going to get.

A man from the stall close to the altercation butt in. "Apologise, Uchiha!"

A couple behind me muttered, "Such a graceless boy…"

Jun-nii-san's face was burning with humiliation, and I knew this was going to get even worse. "Mind your own business, kusomajime!"

Kami-sama, did he _have_ to insult them first? What an idiot! Does he not get that he's seriously outnumbered and disliked by the crowd?

See, cultural issues again; kusomajime is considered an insult to non-Uchiha far more than to Uchiha, because we celebrate the fact that we are 'nerdy and swotty'. But using it here? This is why people believe that we haven't integrated with the general Konoha culture, and they're not even wrong.

"Mind your tongue, _Uchiha_ , as much as your inflated ego can manage anyway," said one of the Akimichi aggressively.

An Inuzuka female from the crowd of suddenly-quiet bystanders said, "I think we all need to calm down. Akimichi, you bumped into him, so you need to let it go."

When an Inuzuka is promoting calming down, you _know_ that shit's about to go down. Also, the lack of honorific is because of the treatment of the Inuzuka by the Hyuuga after the assassination attempt on Inuzuka Hana, so this was an insult-by-association.

This was just getting worse and worse.

"Championing for your master, bitch?" drawled a Hyuuga male.

The Inuzuka looked at him condescendingly. "Keep it in your pants, Hyuuga. Not all of us are _that_ sexually frustrated."

"What's that supposed to mean, Inuzuka?" another Hyuuga demanded.

She eyed him coolly. "If he has to fantasize about the sex life of people he doesn't even know, well, it's no wonder really."

The first Hyuuga paled (which was a feat considering how pale they are already) and said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The Inuzuka laughed cruelly, not even thinking about dissolving the fight anymore. "Do you think no one knows about your frigid wife, Hyuuga Hizashi?"

I paled at this, because if that's Hyuuga Hizashi and the grapevine is accurate…

"She's dead, you misinformed dog _,"_ the third Hyuuga bit out.

Calling an Inuzuka a 'dog', was nothing original, but calling one misinformed (no matter how accurately stated) was a major insult to their capabilities—outside the Yamanaka clan, the Inuzuka clan specialised in information gathering because of their extremely well-honed primal instincts.

There was an entire section of their clan that specialised in emotion-reading and piecing together what motivated people to commit crimes and/or be patriotic. They worked closely with both T&I and the KMPF, which is how I know about them.

The Inuzuka growled fiercely, her dog partner baring its teeth at the pale-eyed male. Without any sympathy, she said, "Sucks to be you, Hyuuga."

Hyuuga Hizashi, father of Neji and twin brother of the Hyuuga clan head, was a pretty well-liked figure in Konoha, being one of the few of that clan that seemed to truly care about the people around him.

He was seriously charismatic as well, if a bit of a goody-two-shoes, which endeared people to him, and the Inuzuka female had just turned the crowd against herself.

Another stall owner selling sakuramochi shouted loudly, "Heartless monsters, all of you red-eyed scum and lying cowards!"

" _Go to hell, you piece of shit!"_ an Inuzuka close to me screamed at her.

Jun-nii-san bristled, and instead of continuing with words, he menacingly stepped forwards with a growl.

I don't know whether he would have really attacked or whether he was just bluffing. Heck, he could have just been shifting his position and it coincided rather unfortunately with the growl and made it look like he was ready to jump them.

Whatever it was, he advanced and everyone saw it, and even though it was already five against two, several people decided to intervene.

The next thing everyone knows, there's an all-out riot breaking out across two whole streets, with shopkeepers, stall owners, innocent bystanders, vindictive shinobi and pacifistic shinobi alike all caught up in the largest riot that one might call the beginning of Civil War.

I didn't fight; I made sure all the unfortunate children caught up in the anger and hatred and ostracisation and _sheer stupidity of discrimination_ weren't harmed.

Fists and knees, punches and kicks, hair-pulling and scratching, wrestling and—oh Kami-sama, someone's just taken out a sword—

People were yelling and screaming and growling and shouting, raging with all their might and letting hurtful, cruel and _terrible_ words spew forth from their lips, burning so many bridges that I wondered how anything could come out of this.

This was it, this was the end, and nothing anyone could do would _stop_ this, _could_ stop this.

I don't know how long it lasted, but I didn't get involved with the fighting that seemed to last hours but in all likelihood wasn't even ten minutes long. I'd led two children, brother and sister, into the safety of Ichiraku's cramped floor space when a bloodcurdling scream of a child sounded from where the fighting began.

I didn't even think, I just _ran,_ ran to save the kid who Kami-sama knows how managed to—why were they—is that a fireball…?

I wasn't the only one that noticed the brown haired boy with a spiky ponytail frozen with his mouth wide open in panicked yelling, but I was the only one that wasn't standing in shocked paralysis or still engaged in a bloodthirsty battle.

I weaved through the throng of angry people and defensive people, scared people and sadistic people, and it seemed as though time had slowed and I was _too_ slow—

I reached the boy as he closed his eyes, his face a mixture of horror and resignation.

It was instinct, because fighting fire with fire was as much a part of Uchiha Akito as her love for sweets, as much as her unconditional trust in Shisui-chan and Kabuto, as much as she loved her family and had a worrying sense of humour.

So my hands zipped through the hand seals and my chakra streamed through me in a controlled wave, and I blew out a Grand Fireball, thrice the size of the one heading for the boy, and consumed the incoming one, before letting the fire peter out harmlessly.

I wasn't even winded, and that shocked me, it really, truly did.

The fights broke off with the intensity of the heat from my jutsu, causing more than a hundred people on the streets to turn to me, scrutinise me with their calculating gazes.

It was odd, being the focal point for so many eyes, but I could _see_ when they recognised my knee-length ink black hair, my dark eyes, the Uchiha clan symbols stitched into the border of my black kimono, saw how their faces shuttered, going from awe to hate, from curiosity to rage, from wariness to fear.

Because if the Uchiha heiress could stop an adult's Gōkakyū before even graduating, what kind of monstrous killing machine would she be after she had completed her training?

So while all eyes were on me, I decided to make the most of it.

"Are you done? Have you got it out of your system? Because that's more than enough," I said evenly, standing in front of the trembling boy who was holding onto the hem of my kimono with white knuckles.

"This is none of your business, _princess_."

"What right do you have to butt into adult's business like as if you're old enough, brat?"

"Che, is this how the Uchiha raise their children? Have respect for your elders!"

I let their words wash over me, registering it and letting it go, because it didn't matter to me. It didn't matter to me that not even ten minutes ago, this angry cesspit of misplaced and discriminatory rage was _home_ , somewhere I was proud to belong to.

I think that hurt the most, that this was my _home_.

"I'll treat you like my betters when you come to your senses, Oba-san. For now, can we just take a moment to appreciate what you've all done to our home? Look around you! _Look at what you've done_."

And in spite of their refusal to listen to a seven year old, look they did, and saw the toppled stalls and frightened children and the bruises and blood marring the faces of civilians and shinobi alike. Faces started changing from tense and angry to horrified and guilty.

But not all of them.

"This is _your_ fault, Uchiha! _You_ destroyed—"

" _Don't_. Don't you _dare_ play the blame game, Akimichi-san," I said firmly, steeling my back and squeezing the boys' hand, which had begun trembling.

I think he needs to see a medic—he's in shock.

The Inuzuka female growled at me. "Who are you to order us around?"

Grumbling began again as the fighting nearly restarted, but I _wasn't going to let it_.

"We've just started recovering from a war! Why do you _want_ us to start **another one**?"

A member of the Sarutobi clan—I think he's Konohamaru's would-be father—answered with venom. "Yes, a war sounds good. Get rid of the Uchiha, just like we should have seventy years ago!"

Cries of agreement coursed through the crowd, angry yells from the Uchiha in the crowd and murmurs of dissent from the neutral ranks.

" _Why?_ What have we done?!" I asked, wanting to scream and only just managing not to.

And then Hyuuga Hizashi said the one thing that would really get to me.

"Shut up, _Gaijin."_

An outsider, a foreigner. I didn't belong, but it was more than that—if I was a Gaijin, so was my whole family; he was the closest adult family member to the Hyuuga clan head and I was the next-in-line for the Uchiha clan head, so he'd just called my entire family foreigners on behalf of the entire Hyuuga clan.

Politics…

I fisted my hands, suppressing the urge to hurt them for what they were saying about my family, about Itachi-touto, about Shisui-chan, about Okaa-san and Otou-san and Teyaki-ji-san and Uruchi-oba-san and Noeki-baa-san and Natsuki-nee-san and Jun-nii-san and Koji-chan and Kaji-chan and Guro-jii-san and—

 _My family_.

I looked up at them, and for the first time in my two lifetimes, I let the tears in my eyes falls in front of people that I knew wouldn't care.

"You think acting like an innocent little girl is going to make things better, Gaijin!? You're the worst kind of Uchiha, pretending to be a harmless child and turning out to be a _monster_!"

It didn't hurt, it didn't hurt, it didn't _hurt_ , **it didn't** _ **hurt**_ —

A hand touched my shoulder, and another latched onto my hand, gently making me release the pressure I was exerting on my palms.

Without even looking, I knew it was Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto. But then, it wasn't just them.

Through the doors of the shops and the stores, from under the stalls and out of the apartment blocks, streaming onto the street from other streets and flooding the ranks of angered adults, came _nearly every single child of Konoha_.

From children as young as three to as old as nineteen, from every major and minor clan, Aburame, Akimichi, Yamanaka, Nara, Uchiha, Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Kurama, Yūhi, from the Orphanage, from the civilian sector, all of them, together, solemn and hard-gazed.

They came and stood in front of me, surrounded me, and stood _against_ every single adult that they had ever known.

Shisui-chan, standing half an inch behind me as always, said in a loud, clear, _hard_ voice.

"Harm Aki-senpai, and _we'll kill you_."

Three Akimichi children I gave free senbei to chorused together, "Akito-nee-sama _never_ cries!"

Emiko-chan, at the head of the crowd, screamed, " _You're the monsters!"_

One of the fourteen year old Yamanaka said firmly, "We don't know why you're fighting, but it's gone on long enough!"

"If you hurt Akito-sama, we'll hurt you!" screamed a six year old boy from the orphanage.

"Yeah!" several of them agreed, all with childish determination in their voices.

Itachi-touto then spoke, his voice carrying across the wide-eyed crowd. " _We_ are Konoha. If you can't get along, _we'll_ kick you out."

A cry of agreement came from the chibi section of the population.

Shisui-chan then said, "We don't care about Uchiha or Akimichi, Inuzuka or Hyuuga. All this hate and anger is _pointless_. We're all from Konoha, and the Uchiha are a part of that, just as much as the Akimichi."

I finally found my voice again, so choked up was I on joy and happiness that more than a hundred children from all walks of life had gotten together just to defend _me_.

It boggled the mind.

"You're using important people's deaths to promote your own discrimination. You're using Sarutobi-hime and Akimichi-sama's deaths to justify victimising entire sections of your population. In short, _you're demeaning their deaths_. Enough is enough!"

Almost as one, the children of Konoha nodded their heads in determined agreement. I know for a fact that half of them have no idea what I just said.

"This hatred is like a disease and it's destroying our village," I said. "It needs to stop!"

"And if you won't stop, we'll make you!" yelled Akimichi Maruten.

And then, almost as one, all of them screamed, "FOR KONOHA!"

Okay, so maybe I'd been throwing that phrase around whenever I talked about defending the village…to every child I came across…

It's not _bad_ indoctrination, right? Right?

Wow, even knowing that that's what it was, I was still doing it. I guess no one really survives societal brainwashing without being affected even a little bit.

But then, patriotism is never a bad thing, in my opinion. It's just bad in extreme doses, but patriotism and nationalism are generally things I agree with.

I like belonging, if that wasn't obvious enough, but not to the detriment of others, if that makes sense. I like tradition and culture that's unique to certain areas and races of people that binds them together no matter where they end up living till they die. I know that if I died again and was reborn in, say, Kumogakure, I would still belong to Konoha, because it was my home. Its culture and traditions were a part of who I was, just like my last name was a testament to my clan's history— _my_ history.

Konoha is a unique gem because it is host to so many different cultures and values, but that's also why it is factious and elitist. I don't know _how_ Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama managed to unite such different clans with such different conflicting history with such clashing personalities and values, but manage they did—teamwork is more integral to our education system than simply because it lowers the mission death rate and enhances the efficiency of mission completion; we as a shinobi village need to learn how to get along with clashing personalities and ideals to our own because we'll _always_ be different.

It's mainly to do with Hi no Kuni's temperate climate and how it attracts people from all backgrounds because it is brilliant conditions for livelihood.

Kaze no Kuni had families that were brought together, because not to do so would mean dying in the desert sun, and together it was easier for them to survive in the harshest of lands.

Rai no Kuni had their mountainous terrain to ensure that it wasn't the most ideal locale for clans to locate themselves.

Tsuchi no Kuni was a mineral goldmine and brought similar-minded people to its rocky landscape.

Mizu no Kuni was an island and so they were all interrelated _anyway_ , what with their population being so—

Actually, hang on, their clan system didn't work out too well, did it? No, no there were the clan purgings…has that happened already, or does it still have to happen?

Curse the vague timeline!

Point is, Konoha _needs_ to make teamwork a core value because otherwise, we wouldn't function as a village due to our diverse population. It's our strength and our greatest weakness, and whoever is responsible for the recent rash of assassinations is exploiting it expertly.

The shocked murmurings began, and some parents that had been fighting began calling for their children.

"Rina-chan, come to Okaa-san!" cried a woman from the crowd, who was bleeding from a cut on her chin, to a little four year old with pale brown hair in twin braids.

"No, not until you say sorry!" she cried back with childish fury.

"Takeshi, what would your poor old man say?"

"Nishi-chan, get away from there!"

Several more parents started calling for their children, coaxing, ordering and begging them to leave their 'ranks' without success. They were an impregnable barrier around me, refusing to back down.

Most of them were too young to understand what the fighting and my tears had been about, but they knew, just because it had hurt me, that it was a bad thing and _someone_ needed to apologise.

Because that's how kids solve problems you see. Say sorry and everything will get better, just like Obito-kun had said so very long ago when all this started.

I love them, so so so much.

"We won't leave!" yelled one of the kids louder than anybody else. With a start, I realised it was a younger Mizuki. I had talked to him and played with him and taught him how to meditate, but only in a split second of the light hitting him _just so_ and his face scrunching up in concentration had I realised that it was _that_ Mizuki, Naruto's 'first' enemy.

"Oh, you will! This is insane! We're the adults, you're the children and you don't know any better! That _Uchiha_ _girl_ has brainwashed you!"

"It's like Itachi-chama said!" yelled Shisui-chan, drowning out the distraught woman. "If you don't reconcile, we'll kick _you_ out of the village!"

A Yamanaka male started laughing hysterically. "You-you _can't_ be _serious_! You and the chibi army?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm one of the chibi army, Yamanaka-san," said Hiroyuki-san evenly. He walked up to the chibi ranks and they seamlessly incorporated him, with startled gazes and glances at me to check that this was 'okay'. I nodded encouragingly.

Hobbling and leaning against Rin-chan on one side and Kakashi-san on the other, Obito-kun made his way to us as well. "I'm on their side too! Enough is enough!"

"Same here!" Inuzuka Tsume came to our side too.

"Me too."

"This fighting really has gone long enough if the kids are telling us to stop…" muttered Ken-san before walking to our side.

Slowly, one by one, adults stood on 'our' side of the marketplace. Adults I'd known my whole socially active life (which began at the tender age of two), parents of children that remembered me from when I ate at their homes, helped them with their shopping, distracted their children when they wanted some 'me time', adults I made a point to greet whenever I saw them milling around, parents of children in my Academy year group, people my Okaa-san knew, adults I have never seen before in my life…

But the greatest addition to our side was the kindly woman with plump features and short black hair, orange markings accentuating her eyes and a baby bundled in her arms.

"I am on their side as well."

It wasn't the boldest statement, it wasn't the loudest declaration, but it was like a door was opening, spilling light into a dark room.

Because, come on, if the Akimichi Matriarch decided to endorse the end of the fighting by siding with what essentially boiled down to the Uchiha heiress' army, then wouldn't you think that the sun was shining brighter in our collective tomorrows?

I smiled widely, and the murmuring reached a feverish height.

She turned to me and smiled back, her eyes thanking me for—well, something, but I had no idea what for.

But I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I'll pretend I know what she's on about.

She held out a hand to me, the army in front of me deeming her worthy of reaching me, and I took it, firmly sealing… _something_.

Sounds of armour reached us from the right side of the street, and before we knew it, the entire KMPF was spilling onto the scene as well, but thank Kami-sama, instead of making the situation take a turn for the worst, they chose to observe before fumbling their way headfirst into a situation they didn't fully understand.

The Akimichi Matriarch turned to Otou-san, who was ostensibly at the head of the Uchiha congregation.

In a clear voice that seemed to echo in the quiet (it really was a shock to many that the one worst affected by Akimichi Chouza's death was willing to _let it go_ —I'm surprised too to be honest, but it's just restored my faith in humanity, so I'm not complaining), she said, "I think that this is long overdue Uchiha-san, but better late than never."

Otou-san walked up to us and the crowd parted to let him reach us.

"I believe so as well," he said calmly, as though he's _expected_ this to happen. If I didn't know him as well as I did, I genuinely would have believed the Akimichi Matriarch and Otou-san had been conversing in secret, but I _do_ know better—they're bluffing so beautifully that they ought to win an Oscar!

She declared, with a flourish of her hands and a wide sweep of the crowd with her eyes, "On behalf of the Akimichi Clan, I apologise for letting a family matter escalate so far. We do not believe the Uchiha are to blame. I extend an offer of a truce between our two clans."

There were harsh and uncertain murmurs that erupted from the Akimichi of the crowd, but they hushed soon enough when Otou-san spoke.

"On behalf of the Uchiha Clan, I apologise for letting matters escalate so far, and thank you for your faith in us. I extend our condolences for your loss. We, furthermore, accept."

She bowed her head slightly in thanks, and before the crowd could get restless, I said, "On behalf of the Children of Konoha, we accept this truce between the clans Akimichi and Uchiha."

"And as Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, I will ensure it is upheld."

"Hokage-sama!"

"Hokage-sama?"

" _Hokage-sama!?"_

Everyone was startled by the sudden appearance of our village's leader, but I was wondering why it had taken so long for him to find out what was going on.

I'd have to ask him later.

He calmly walked to the epicentre of the happenings, between the invisible line drawn between those that wanted to rid themselves of the anger caused by the assassinations and indoctrinated hatred for the Uchiha, and those that _couldn't_ let it go, firmly of the belief that letting go would mean making all the atrocities committed in the name of cutting off the Uchiha and associates meaningless and base.

I've only just realised, but this riot had turned into a full blown battle, because the people that had been there initially only amounted to a quarter of the current crowd. Because I was sure Inuzuka-sama hadn't been here during the initial tiff.

His hair were as spiky a blond mess as always, his face was set in a casual expression, and his eyes were filled with charismatic determination. Minato-sama spoke to everyone involved in the riot that went down in Konoha's history as the Ten Minute Riot, when the discrimination first started being seen as _wrong_ , rather than just a matter of differing opinion.

"As Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, I bear witness to the truce between the Uchiha and Akimichi and declare those involved in this illegal riot to be exonerated of high treason," he said, and then with a light smile, he added, "pending paperwork."

Some in the crowd chuckled, but _many_ faces had realised what had just happened. Minato-sama wasn't pressing charges, because he could _legally_ send every single one of them to T &I, and there would be _nothing they could do about it_.

It was illegal to be involved in a riot. It was one of the laws that ensured stability was maintained within the village.

But I could see that it wasn't just the fact that there were children involved in this riot that stopped him from hauling them all to prison—there were over three hundred people involved; the paperwork would have been the stuff of legendary nightmares!

But he said "pending paperwork", so that means that background checks would be done and potential troublemakers would be put on watch.

The crowd began dispelling, and the shop owners began clearing up the wreckage left behind, the stall owners started on their own messes, the clansmen and civilians alike either returned home or went to other streets to pubs and restaurants to discuss the happenings of the night.

Ripples were in motion, and this was a _major_ change; my fingers are tingling and my chakra is singing.

I turned to all of my minion army, and my eyes may or may not have watered slightly as Shisui-chan gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I looked at all of them with so much _pride_ in my eyes.

"Everyone, thank you!" I smiled widely, encompassing every single child that had come out of their comfort zones, the shy ones and bold ones and quiet ones and arrogant ones and dumb ones and smart ones, just for me.

I bowed the lowest bow I could manage, and they all bowed back.

Kami-sama, it was like I was freaking Mulan after she saved China!

It was awesome.

Shisui-chan still had a hand on my shoulder, Itachi-touto still had a hand in mine, and the boy I'd saved from the Gōkakyū was still clinging onto my kimono, but his death grip was relaxing, and I turned around to get a proper look at him.

He had a familiar face, of that I was certain, but he wasn't one of the kids I'd seen much of, so I couldn't place his name.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, and the ten year old sniffed before putting on a brave face and nodding, even smiling back at me, and that too after his near-death experience—that takes some serious guts, and I'm proud of him.

I told him as much and he blushed a brilliant rose colour.

So cute!

Parents were reunited with kids and children rebelled for a bit until their parents agreed to apologise to me for making me cry.

It was humiliating for them and humbling for me, but at the end of it all, I think we were all better people for it.

Children really _could_ rule the world if they wanted to…

"Iruka-kun! Oh thank Kami-sama you're alright!" cried a brown-haired shinobi, heading straight for us, not even seeing Minato-sama, Otou-san and Akimichi-sama conversing civilly and seriously. (There's going to be a _lot_ of paperwork for Minato-sama, isn't there?)

Whoa, whoa, _whoa_.

I just saved Umino Iruka?!

…Kami-sama, I can't even feel properly happy about this because he came _this_ close to _**dying**_!

He would have been another Chouza if my jutsu hadn't worked! That thought is both frightening and exhilarating. It means that people who weren't before are now at risk of dying, but it also means that if I'm strong enough and take care of them well enough, they will be _fine_.

There's hope! I didn't even know I'd lost the hope I could make things better until I regained it. How odd is that?

An ANBU with a blank mask shunshined to our location and nodded to me. Hello to you too Kabuto. How are you doing this fine evening?

"Umino-san?" I gently asked the distraught father. He turned watery eyes to me and threw caution to the winds—he hugged me fiercely.

My eyes widened and I didn't move an iota—I don't do so well with spontaneous hugs from strangers, so you'll have to excuse me.

He was talking into my hair, his arms wrapping around me tightly. "Thank you, thank you, _thank you_! If it weren't for you, my son would—my little Iruka…I can't even bring myself to think about what could have happened!"

I blushed a little at this, smiling at Iruka's mother, who, now that her husband had released Iruka, was hugging her son fiercely as well. She gave me a watery smile back. "My husband is right. We're so very grateful Akito-hime! You are welcome to our home any time. Please do not hesitate to ask us if you require any help in the future."

Iruka's father pulled away and wiped his eyes. He said, "We owe you our son's life, Akito-hime. There is nothing we can do to repay that."

"No thanks necessary, Umino-san. I did what anyone would have done," I said, smiling. But even as I said it, I was very aware of the fact that this statement was a lie. No one _had_ moved, even though there were people far closer to Iruka than I was, and Iruka would have died had I not been there.

But again, had I not been there, none of this would have happened, so that point is moot.

Unless this _did_ happen and Kishimoto didn't mention it. In which case, Urgh!

But I don't think it did, not least of all because Chouza was a major reason for this occurrence. There's also the fact that, had Itachi-touto and I not been there, Inuzuka Hana would be dead. Since she was alive in canon, we can safely assume that Kisame never came to kill her (because, let's face it, no one would have been able to stop him without Talk no Jutsu backing them up) and so the Inuzuka-Hyuuga schism wouldn't have happened either.

So, all of this is, in fact, my fault.

There's something to be said about being aware of consequences…

Whoops?

Iruka's father shook his head, clasping my hand in his. (The size difference really highlighted how small I truly was. Kami-sama, I'm not even eight yet and I'm already saving China! Or something!) "No Akito-hime. Do not sell yourself short. What you have done…"

After a few more thank yous and bowing from all sides, Kabuto healed Iruka and, at his recommendation, they took Iruka away to the hospital for a check-up.

It was at this point that Shisui-chan came back and started staring at the blank mask of the ANBU agent suspiciously.

"Megane-chama…?" he asked, whispering it so quietly it was barely audible.

Kabuto the ANBU tensed.

I turned away from Kabuto and Shisui-chan's stare down and saw Otou-san and Akimichi-sama talking to each other civilly. Minato-sama was standing a ways away, likely trying to give the two clan heads privacy to discuss things a Hokage ought to not strictly be privy to for various reasons, the main one being that there's a law that's been around since the founding of Konoha that states that the Hokage can't interfere in inter-clan matters unless Konoha is specifically affected.

I walked over to him, leaving the boys to their weird reunion, and he smiled at me.

"You were late," I said conversationally.

Minato-sama winced. "Kushina kidnapped me. It couldn't be helped. But it looks like you command your own mini-army, Akito-chan."

I looked up at him innocently. "Doesn't everyone?"

He chuckled and then looked at Otou-san and Akimichi-sama. His eyes softened and he patted me on the head.

"You did it, Akito-chan," he said proudly.

But I shook my head, knowing that that wasn't entirely true; Shisui-chan had brought them all to the area, Itachi-touto had begun the diatribe against the adults, Kabuto had healed Iruka, and every single child had gotten rid of their inhibitions and shown more Gryffindor courage than most Gryffindors.

"No, _we_ did it, in the least cheesy way possible."

Minato-sama chuckled, and I knew everything would be okay now.

"So we did."

* * *

"Where's the milk, Akito-chan?"

"…oops?"

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Uchiha Shisui was practising the newest set of kata his Otou-san was teaching him when he heard a rustle of leaves.

His stance tensed and he quickly ascertained, with his limited chakra-sensing capabilities, that the hostile element seemed, well, hostile.

Debating whether he ought to turn around and face the enemy (maybe the enemy hadn't noticed that he had noticed them, but by the same logic, they could have noticed him and noticed that he had noticed them too), Shisui nonetheless readied his chakra for a decisive genjutsu.

Maybe he could take them by surprise…

He watched the shadows, and his eight year old self decided that it was the most bizarrely shaped enemy in the history of the Shinobi Continent.

It had short arms, short legs and a _really_ thick rectangular neck which was twice the torso's length (like a lopsided giraffe).

"Shi—su—i—cha—n…" the figure groaned.

So! The enemy had noticed that he had noticed them! His mind began forming strategies a mile a minute, even before he had turned to face the misshapen enemy-nin.

Several emotions flitted across his face as he saw—

"Aki-senpai? Is that you?"

"What does it look like?" she snapped.

Shisui tilted his head slightly, trying to comprehend why she would snap at him at all. His genius mind came up with a logic answer.

"Do you need help with those books?"

She must have nodded in affirmation (he couldn't really see her face over the stack of books that went well above her head), so he shunshin-ed to her and took eighteen books from the top of the precarious stack—she still had a bit more than half the stack, so that ought to explain why he'd thought there was a giraffe poising itself to attack him.

He didn't buckle under the weight, but he rather thought she needn't be carrying so many at the same time.

They both dumped the books under their tree before Aki-senpai slumped onto the ground, her arms wrapping around her knees and her back against the tree.

"Why so many?" he asked, without even thinking to elaborate; between them, sometimes not even the fewest of syllables were necessary to have a whole political debate.

She sighed fondly before looking up at him. Shisui, without even thinking about it, moved to the right so that the sun wouldn't continue glaring into her eyes.

"I mentioned that I may not be able to enter the medic corps, and they went _crazy_. They want me to finish my training for it before I graduate the academy so that I'll be a shoe in, even if I don't have time for the studying after."

Shisui grinned. "Well, you _are_ a suck up, Aki-senpai. They don't want you hanging around even _after_ graduation."

She stuck her tongue out at him, then picked up a random book and began reading, her eyes darting back and forth across the page faster than Shisui had ever seen anyone's eyes go.

He went back to practising his kata, mentally counting the steps.

"By the way Shisui-chan, don't gather your chakra—anyone would be able to sense that you knew they were there. Tensing is also a bad idea, it gives it away. Be more discreet," Aki-senpai advised, glancing up at him from her book.

Shisui nodded cheerfully, storing the information dutifully to peruse it when he was done with the kata, not breaking form even when he replied with a "Hai, Aki-senpai!"

She smiled at him before going back to her book, and the two passed the day in tranquil silence, reading and training and meditating and sparring.

Shisui truly loved these days best.

* * *

 _About Kisame: he was still in Kiri after he was disillusioned because he lived long enough to become close to Suigetsu, who is the same age as Sasuke, so he needed to have been in Kiri to manage that. Itachi is 5 and joined Akatsuki at 13, so eight years later. Assuming Kisame joined the Akatsuki even five years before Itachi, he would still have been in Kiri for at least the next 3 years, till Itachi is 8._

 _I wanted to get the Kyuubi Attack into this chapter, but this is already over 17000 words…review please? It motivates me to keep writing, and let me tell you, my butt is numb from sitting in one position for so long, typing this up…What's your favourite scene? Favourite line? Favourite character?_

 ** _Edited 2/03/2017_**


	10. Homely Hatred

**_'I believe in love at first sight, because I've been loving my mother since the minute I opened my eyes.'_**

* * *

I had another whacked out dream last night.

There was a snapping turtle trying to eat my dango, and Shisui-chan jumped in through the gymnasium window, declaring that he would fight to the death for my honour (although when my honour had been besmirched was anyone's guess). Itachi-touto then came in with a basket full of baguettes and started selling them to my classmates. Emiko-chan was wearing a bathrobe and declared herself the bride of Frankenstein, hopping on one foot and singing the Italian national anthem. Itachi-touto came to me and I paid him for a baguette, and when he pulled one out and gave it to me, I moved to eat it but it turned out to be Sa-chan in a lion onesie.

Kabuto took this moment to swing into the gymnasium on a wrecking ball wearing Naruto's orange jumpsuit, cackling madly about how he'd killed Fred Weasley. I threatened to chop his ear off and he turned into Hibari Kyouya, threatening to bite me to death.

…I don't know where these dreams are coming from…

* * *

Walking down the street has become an ordeal lately. Everywhere I go, people either bow to me, stare at me with unbridled hatred, or just blank me completely with a nervous demeanour.

I hope this state of affairs ends soon. I generally enjoy being treated like a semi-normal human being, no matter what Yūhi Daiki says.

I walked into Amaguriyama and headed straight for the back of the store, eager to get my sugar fix before heading to the park. Kanro-san smiled at me with an indulgent smile, her husband Jirou-san making Imagawayaki behind her.

"What can we get you today, Akito-hime?" she said, her voice as chirpy as ever.

"Anything new?" I asked, eager to try anything out but ready to fall back on my preferred sata andagi (basically deep fried dough balls, kind of like a doughnut) and anmitsu (a cup full of jelly, boiled peas, azuki bean paste, fruit juice, sliced peaches and berries, and black sweet syrup on top).

She shook her head, promising something cleverly delicious in the winter though.

Amaguriyama is owned by the Sato family, which has ten sons, all of them married, and more than sixteen children. One of them is Sato Isamu from my class. Jirou-san is the youngest of the ten sons and Kanro-san is the eldest of the wives.

No one quite knows how that works, but no one tends to question it. Isamu is the son of the fifth son, Gorou-san, and his wife Kuchinashi-san. Apparently, they fell in love when they were fourteen, their families opposed it, she fell pregnant, Gorou-san was denounced by his family, they eloped, put their child up for adoption in a different village, returned to Konoha, were welcomed with open arms (for some hitherto unexplained reason) and then got married and had Isamu.

So he has an elder sibling floating around somewhere in east Hi no Kuni.

He told me this story back when we were four years old, saying that he wanted to become a shinobi to find his elder sibling, thus his dream to become a tracking specialist.

No, I don't know why he told me the story, but I figured it says a lot about this world that this story was told to a four year old impressionable munchkin.

Speaking of reasons for why we want to be shinobi, we have a day of that tomorrow, where every specialised corps comes in to give a lecture, and then we fill out a questionnaire that basically decides whether we're fit to serve the village or if we're too wimpy to accomplish something like that—evaluation day.

See, this is probably the test that increases the dropout rate in canon, but since we're still considered a war-time year group, we're _still_ not allowed to drop out if we wanted to.

Now that I think about it though, I'm pretty sure Iruka (still can't believe I saved his life by the way) graduated at twelve in canon but _has_ to graduate at ten in the current system, and he's three years older than me, which means he _has_ to graduate this year. So I'm assuming Sandaime-sama changed the standard testing time, now that I think about it.

Also, now that I'm on this train of thought, I'm pretty sure Itachi-touto's timeline is messed up as well. Didn't he join the academy _after_ the Kyuubi Attack? So what's he doing in the academy right now? Also, I know it's a bit sudden, but he's been in the academy for more than four months now. Didn't he finish the graduation exam four months after entering the academy? So what gives?

This is just too messed up!

How did I manage to change _this_?

Also, I met _Hoshigaki Kisame_ only seven weeks ago. I don't honestly know what to make of this ridiculous turn of events. At all.

Should I just have stayed at home and focussed only on my family, without bothering to interact with people at all, and try to keep the timeline as close to canon as possible? It would have made the story more predictable, easier to change only the majorly unfair events like Uchiha Itachi's death, Uchiha Sasuke's defection, the Chidori to the Chest Incident at the Valley of the End…

But then again, this is my life.

I'm going to live it, and live it well.

It might end horribly wrong, it might end tragically, but in the end, I just have to give it my all, right? This isn't just a story that I should be careful to keep close to the original. I don't think I've ever thought of my new home as anything remotely fabricated.

Ever.

That might speak volumes for how insane I am, considering I should have had that existential crisis before, where I should have not believed this was real, being reborn and into the 'world of Naruto' as the elder sister to the most angst-ridden character of the series (seriously, Sasuke was by far the most emo character _ever_ , and arguably the most tragic), but that just never happened.

I rolled with it, I guess.

…I'm normal, I promise!

But yeah, this is my life, and this is my home, and this is my fight to fight. Just because I have a vague idea of some things doesn't mean I'm not going to give it my all, even when things don't go the way they're supposed to.

Que sera sera right? What will be will be, and I just have to face the oncoming waves one at a time.

"I'll have a box of sata andagi, please!"

"Right away, Akito-hime," she said, and then prepared a box of around twenty of them. Will any of them survive long enough to take home with me? Unlikely.

She handed me the box and waved me off with an "Enjoy!"

I headed out into the crisp air and tugged on my knitted red scarf with a box of sweets clasped in my mitted hands.

Plod, plod, plod. Sashay, sway your hips, think like a cat, think light, think soft paws.

No, I'm not insane. I think.

"Akito-san!" called out a deep feminine voice.

I looked away from the orange leaves scattered across the streets and turned to the speaker. I nearly jaw-dropped, because Akimichi-sama was standing there in all her glory, orange eye-accents, short black hair, tanned skin and all.

"Good morning, Akimichi-sama! Lovely weather we're having!" I exclaimed, before realising that that was far too informal, but then thinking, meh. She clearly doesn't seem to mind, judging by her pleased nod.

"Autumn is truly a refreshing season, but spring is my favourite time of the year," she said, and I could practically _feel_ her eyes glazing over, no doubt thinking about the Spring Buffet.

I know I've mentioned this before, but autumn is the Uchiha season and spring is the Akimichi season. The Spring Buffet is where all the Akimichi-owned food joints (which, you know, amounts to more than 80% of all eateries in the village) have an entire day of all-you-can-eat buffets, in honour of Hōnen Matsuri (the Harvest Festival). Many an orphan _live_ for the 15th of March* because _all_ the food is free for the poor.

It's also another reason why people like the Akimichi so much.

I grinned at her. "Of course. Well, I must be on my way, Akimichi-sama. Is there anything specific you wished to discuss?" I enquired.

She looked a bit hesitant for a second, but then seemed to gather herself and said boldly, "I would like to invite you and your fam…friends for lunch today, if it is amenable to you."

Two things: first, she was going to say family but stopped herself, clearly seeing that that was far too forward, and she was trying to be casual about this. Second, what? Where is this coming from? It's far more appropriate for her to contact Okaa-san and then arrange something with her, as opposed to having a casual lunch with me.

In terms of politics, I only have latent importance; I'm still only seven, no matter how many people I know or what happened during the Ten Minute Riot.

But still, this is a step in the right direction right?

"We would be honoured," I said, giving her the bow Okaa-san taught me to give to people of Akimichi-sama's station.

Bidding her a goodbye and arranging to meet at one o'clock, we parted ways. I continued plodding along, and then suddenly there was someone behind me. I whipped around so fast that I fell into the person and—

"Shisui-chan, why are you shunshin-ing in my face?" I asked with an eyebrow raised. I'd fallen on top of him and, thankfully, the sata andagi were still in their box. He grinned sheepishly from beneath me, a blush spreading across his face. My hair, which I'd opted to leave untied today, splayed across my back and onto the ground, like inky black ribbons wrapping around our tiny seven year old bodies.

"Sorry? Aki-senpai, my range's improved!" he exclaimed happily. I rolled my eyes and got off of him, then bent over to pick up the sata andagi box. Except, my red scarf was caught on Shisui-chan's kunai pouch, so I was choking.

It took us three minutes to get it detangled, after which I made him promise in the name of the Dragon of Autumn that he would _never_ do that again; it was borderline sacrilegious that he'd allowed the sata andagi to fall to the floor.

"So sweets over your best friend? You have odd priorities, Aki-senpai…" he said, eyeing me the way one would a particularly intelligent gazelle.

It might have had to do with how I was skipping to the park, pretending that we were going down the yellow brick road, but then again, what does it matter?

"Your face is odd!"

"…why are we friends again?"

We finally got to the park (it's actually really impressive that he managed to shunshin across such a large distance—from the park to Amaguriyama, the path is winding, resembles an obstacle course, and is a fair distance to travel even on rooftops), where Emiko-chan was waiting for us on a picnic blanket, reading over a piece of classwork.

She looked up when we got closer to her and smiled at us. "Well done on fetching Akito-kun. I was wondering what was taking her so long."

I'll bet she goaded Shisui-chan into shunshin-ing that distance, even though it had never been done before by a nearly-eight year old. She _does_ love goading people into doing reckless things…

"I come bearing sustenance!" I said dramatically, plopping onto the blanket and unwinding my scarf. Shisui-chan sat next to me and pulled out his maths homework from the pile of papers near Emiko-chan's feet.

"Ooh, Amaguriyama?" squealed Emiko-chan, rapidly stuffing five of them into her mouth in quick succession.

"Whoa, slow down Emiko-chan. Chew and swallow," I said. Being an orphan must be hard.

Luckily, Shisui-chan came prepared, a thermos of hot chocolate at the ready in case _someone_ decided to choke to death on sweets. Yes, yes this happens frequently, and yes, yes it _does_ happen to everyone.

She took a sip and ran a hand through her short honey-coloured hair, smiling unrepentantly. "Can you get me some water please Shisui-kun? I feel thirsty," she blinked at him with her wide green eyes, and Shisui-chan grumbled before getting up and walking to the water fountain with a little paper cup in his hand.

"Stop using my minions, Emiko-chan," I said, mock-scolding my closest female friend.

"You should train them better then Akito-kun," she retorted lightly, and we both giggled as Shisui-chan came back.

He eyed us and then blinked once. "I don't think I _want_ to know."

We did the appropriate thing to respond to his statement and stuck our tongues out at him before laughing again.

We started doing our respective catch-up homework in companionable silence, keen to get it out of the way so that we could enjoy the rest of the day without that hassle (we only had a half day today at the academy because Bunko-sensei was off sick and they couldn't spare anyone for more than half the day), occasionally popping a sata andagi into our mouths. Itachi-touto, because he only does ninjutsu and taijutsu theory with us, still has a full day of classes with his peerage.

After I'd finished question fifteen on the worksheet, I looked up, prompting the other two to stop working as well.

"Akimichi-sama has invited the three of us to her house for lunch. You guys up for it?" I asked.

Emiko-chan bit her lip thoughtfully while Shisui-chan gazed at me contemplatively. His eyes were asking, _Why? Uchiha-Akimichi relations aren't the greatest yet…is it a trap? Is she trying to do us in? Was it an imposter that asked you to come? What's she going to feed us? Should I be on my guard? Do you think there's any reason why I shouldn't come? Did you even have to ask? Of course I'll come. Does Emiko-chan's hairstyle look like a pineapple or is it just me?_

I looked back and replied, _I don't think it was an imposter…I'd love it if you came, because you're the genjutsu genius here. Always be on your guard, but I don't think it's necessary this time. And yes, it's not just you. The hairstyle is cute though, right?_

Shisui-chan snorted before saying, "If you say so."

Emiko-chan looked at the two of us before sighing. "You two did the weird telepathy thing again, didn't you? Meanies! Anyway, yeah, I can come. Free food is free food."

Shisui-chan and I shared another look.

No, Emiko-chan still doesn't know what we talk about.

And no, I don't know how we know each other well enough to read minds either.

* * *

The Akimichi are one of the four noble clans (no one counts the Senju anymore because there's like, _one_ of them left), and as such have quite a large compound to themselves. Wide, open houses, cheerful folk that looked at us with a mixture of curiosity, wariness, anger and hope, and this little park in the centre with lots of cocoons hanging from the tree branches. And the smell of the compound…

You know that face full of delicious smells, steam and spices (and something burning in the corner that no one likes to mention) you get when you walk into a really busy kitchen? Entering the Akimichi Clan Head's house was a very similar experience.

We headed to the largest house in the compound and I don't know whether the two storey house always smells like this or if it's just because she's cooked enough to feed the Shinobi Continent, but either way, Emiko-chan started drooling the minute we entered the cheery house.

The walls were a soft shade of brown with orange accents, the furniture was sturdy oak, colourful cushions littered the living room, paintings of famous Hi no Kuni cuisines hung in almost every corridor, and on the wall you see just as you enter the house, there's the Clan Symbol painted onto the wall, a circle with a vertical line bisecting it and two triangles in each semi-circle. Underneath the clan symbol is a table with a picture of Akimichi Chouza, a little bowl of scented oil with cherry blossom petals floating on the surface in front of it.

I must have been staring at it too long, because Emiko-chan had wiped the drool off her face and was looking at me weirdly. Shisui-chan was having trouble taking off his sandals.

I huffed a laugh and kneeled down to unclasp the buckle, saying, "Yare yare* Shisui-chan, how old are you exactly?"

"Older than you, Aki-senpai," he deadpanned, thanking me for releasing his feet.

I stood back up and bonked him on the head with an unamused expression.

"Ah, there you are! Come in, come in!" said a beaming Akimichi-sama, her face glistening with condensed steam from, as we entered the kitchen and found out, five pots merrily bubbling away on the flame stove. She sat us down at her dining table fussily, and we thanked her with drool from Emiko-chan, reserved suspicion from Shisui-chan, and a cheery smile from me.

There were four chairs around the table and one high chair with a baby gurgling happily at us. Akimichi-sama pinched the chubby baby's cheeks and introduced him to us. 'This is my pride and joy, Chouji-chan. Greet our guests Chouji-chan!'

He gurgled excitedly in our general direction, and we all waved at him with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

Emiko-chan then started fidgeting, and I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She licked her lips nervously and said, "I really need the bathroom."

Shisui-chan said, "Well, maybe you should have gone before we came."

The exchange reminded me of _every_ _single time_ my old family had gone _anywhere_ , whether to the corner store or to the airport. I giggled uncontrollably and Emiko-chan muttered, "Bowel movements aren't _that_ funny."

That just made me laugh harder, and Shisui-chan patted me in mock consolation. "There there, Aki-senpai. It'll be over soon."

I think he thinks I'm hysterical. I just might be.

Emiko-chan went up to Akimichi-sama timidly and asked her for the directions to the bathroom. 'Of course dear! Give me a minute to—ah, there! Now I can lower the flame and it can simmer…here, I'll show you where it is.'

Akimichi-sama led Emiko-chan away, beaming all the way. She's…you know those grandma's that bake cookies and knit sweaters for their great grandchildren? That's what Akimichi-sama is like, except younger. She's nice.

Chouji gurgled in confusion, ostensibly looking for his mother, before turning his gazes to us. I doubt he's seen anyone that looks like us, what with the inter-clan tensions and the fact that Uchiha look so freaking beautiful. I mean, that's not to say that there isn't beauty in every clan (because Ino? She was beautiful. Hinata was as well, and so was Temari, and Tenten…and Tsunade…) but the Uchiha have an unnatural percentage of beautiful people. For example, Sasuke is supposed to be a boy right? Have you _seen_ how pretty he is?

I'm jealous, and I look like a female version of him!

I shuffled my seat closer to the high chair and took a good look at the kid whose father I murdered. He looked healthy, happy and curious, and I don't know why I expected that to be different. I guess I expected to see anger and hatred, some recognition from him that showed that he knew how much I'd taken away from him.

I looked at him softly, my fingers gently raking across his downy light brown hair. I whispered to him, 'You look so much like your otou-san, Chouji-kun.'

Shisui-chan came closer and stared at the little boy who was watching my hair curiously. Sa-chan does that a lot too actually, and then he grabs it and starts yanking with all his strength, which, you know, isn't much. But by Kami-sama his grip is vice-like!

Itachi-touto doesn't have the same problem yet, but what with him deciding to grow it out and all after he discovered that Sa-chan likes long hair (and isn't it creepy that Itachi-touto's reasoning for growing out his hair is _exactly_ like Sakura's? And all the other preteens in canon Sasuke's class, but _still_. Wow. Just, wow.), he only has a few more months of amnesty from Sa-chan the Hair Puller.

I pinched his cheeks and he gave me a gummy smile. I smiled softly at him and said, "You'll grow up to be just as strong as your otou-san, ne?"

Shisui-chan frowned. "I don't think he will."

I furrowed my eyebrows at Shisui-chan and wondered what he was on about. In the process, I noticed Akimichi-sama and Emiko-chan standing in the doorway. Oh boy, the potential disaster this could turn out to be is mind numbing. Please, Shisui-chan, don't let this truce meal blow up in our faces…

Shisui-chan hadn't noticed our host's return and continued looking at Chouji-kun intently. Faintly, I realised that he was intentionally avoiding my gaze. "Well," he said, as though weighing every word carefully. "You and I are twice our parents, so I don't see why he should be as strong as Chouza-sama. I think he'll be greater, because he has more than Chouza-sama in him."

Ah Shisui-chan. So cuddle-able it's ridiculous.

"You think that highly of yourself, eh Shisui-chan?" I asked slyly.

He gave me a playful look, and his shoulders lifted slightly, indicating that he'd gotten my eye-message and now knew that Akimichi-sama could hear us. "Well, Otou-san thinks humility is for weaklings and women."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Men."

"Tell me about it, Akito-kun!" Emiko-chan exclaimed banterfully, sliding into her seat. "Shisui-kun, can you move to the left a bit? The sun's getting in my eyes."

Shisui-kun looked at her, utterly unamused. "No."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Akimichi-sama giving Shisui-chan an evaluating look. I don't know what she was evaluating, but the look was there all the same.

"What good are you if you don't do my bidding?" Emiko-chan drawled with a pout.

"He's plenty useful Emiko-chan," I said, looking at Emiko-chan sweetly. "But he's mine. Get your own."

She pouted prettily at me before huffing a laugh and turning her attention to baby Chouji-kun, who'd gurgled and stolen all Emiko-chan's attention. "Ew! It's drooling!"

No, I don't understand how we're friends either.

I looked at Shisui-chan, to share a mutual look of exasperation at Emiko-chan's disgust of children, but he looked a bit dazed. I waved my hand in front of him, and he blinked suddenly and blushed. "Sorry, got lost for a moment."

I looked at him in concern. "That's not like you, Shisui-chan. Anything on your mind?"

He looked like he was about to say something, but just then Akimichi-sama said, "Food is served!" and all thoughts of anything else floated out of our minds.

"Whoa…" said a wide-eyed Shisui-chan. Emiko-chan began drooling again, and I was speechless.

Dish after dish was brought to the table: seasoned duck and roasted potatoes, three different types of rice, fish cutlets, boiled vegetables in a cheese sauce, pureed fruits and cream filled doughnuts, salt-crusted fish and bean sprouts and two flagons of gravy and milky yogurt.

"I hope I've made enough!" Akimichi-sama said cheerfully before sitting down herself.

"Enough?" asked Emiko-chan incredulously.

"Is it even okay to eat this much?" asked Shisui-chan, eyes trained on the food in dreading wonder.

"Akimichi-sama…we are tiny people. We have tiny tummies. I don't think we can—"

"Nonsense, Akito-san! This is barely anything! Now come on, dig in," she coaxed us, and Emiko-chan muttered a quick "Itadakimasu!" and dug in with gusto, as though she's never seen so much food in her life. Which, you know, she hasn't.

She took our plates and served us some food (Emiko-chan had grabbed everything in grabbing distance like an animal while Shisui-chan and I looked at the scrumptious food indecisively) before telling us once more to dispense with the formalities and eat to our hearts' content.

When the first morsel of spiced duck in gravy touched my tongue, my heart stopped.

Figuratively speaking of course. Shisui-chan moaned in pleasure and said to me, "She's trying to kill us with food, isn't she?"

I could only nod before continuing. Eating that food was something else entirely. I mean, Okaa-san is a brilliant cook, don't get me wrong, but comparing her cooking to Akimichi-sama was like comparing crackers to a five star main course.

There just wasn't any comparison.

Halfway through my second helping, Shisui-chan nudged me and said in worry, "Should you really be eating so much?"

I paused before another bite of cheesy broccoli entered my mouth and thought about this. Should I really be eating so much? Emiko-chan had collapsed in a food coma and Akimichi-sama was happily feeding Chouji-kun roast potatoes after mashing it up a bit. Shisui-chan had polished off his first plate and was sitting there looking at my heavily laden second plateful.

I shrugged. "I'll work it off later." I stuffed three spoons of vegetables and duck into my mouth and gave him an I'm-in-heaven look. "This is too delicious to care about overeating!"

Akimichi-sama laughed and Shisui-chan grinned, all worry fading away. "Well, I can't have you hogging all the food, can I?"

It eventually turned into a competition between us and Emiko-chan started cheering us on, and with a mouth stuffed with duck and carrots, you have to wonder how we didn't die of embarrassment from the experience.

Ah, the resilience of children.

* * *

When the lunch was over and a succulent dessert of fruit custard crumble was served—I'm in heaven, and Akimichi-sama is an angel—we bid her adieu and walked Emiko-chan to the Konoha Orphanage.

Just before we left the Akimichi Clan compound completely, Shisui-chan stopped me for a moment and said, "I meant what I said though, about you being more than your parents."

He looked anxious about something, like as if he knew something I didn't but wouldn't tell me because it wasn't his place. Even knowing that it wasn't simply a compliment though, I couldn't help but blush and grin at his sincere expression.

"Thanks, Shisui-chan. And in my opinion, there isn't a better hand-stander in the village than you!" I flashed a toothy smirk at him and even threw in a peace sign for good measure.

Immediately, he deadpanned. "Yay. My life is complete. I have succeeded at life. Go me."

The voice, the expression and the lack of enthusiasm made me laugh so hard that I had to lean on Shisui-chan, because otherwise I would have collapsed, and I was wearing one of my better kimonos so I didn't want to get it dirty.

"You two done having your secret conversation yet or should I wait longer?" Emiko-chan called out, one eyebrow arched in mild annoyance.

We hurried over to her and Shisui-chan said, with a perfectly straight face, "We were just discussing world domination. Don't worry though, you're not on the execution list."

Emiko-chan blinked and I couldn't help but add, "Although we haven't ironed out all the details, we're thinking of starting with The Hidden Chicken Village. What do you think?"

Emiko-chan looked really confused, and Shisui-chan had a brilliant face of complete innocence while I only just managed to keep the laughter off my face. "And just think, Emiko-san!" he said. "A world without banana bread!"

Emiko-chan flushed and yelled hysterically, "Those two things don't even connect no matter how I look at it!"

I burst into laughter, and Shisui-chan followed soon after. Emiko-chan huffed and refused to talk to us until we got to the Orphanage for our mandatory weekly check on every person within, and when we did our usual rounds, we found something really disturbing and…

Came to a worrying conclusion.

"Kabuto's not going to like this…" I muttered as Shisui-chan and I headed to the Naka River for our Sunset Watching.

Shisui-chan was hand standing again, and he flipped out of it and tilted his head at me. "About that…were you ever planning on telling me the truth about Megane-chama?"

I sensed just a tiny bit of anger, and it was completely justifiable. Quite frankly, I'm impressed he managed this long without bringing it up.

I hummed in thought, because would I have?

I mean, Kabuto was in a very precarious position, and the last time he'd managed to drop in for R&R—seriously, if it wouldn't have drawn attention to me, I would have bought another bed just for Kabuto, what with the fact that my room is now his second home, the first place he returns to when the missions he goes on take their toll and he just wants to know that the world is still normal, still standing even if his mind is rupturing at the seams—he'd been worried that Danzou was on to his double-agent-ness. I'm not very happy with that turn of events, and I can tell that Minato-sama isn't either.

But it wasn't like we hadn't expected it; Danzou isn't an idiot, and our cover story depended on him seeing me as someone with the skills to rival his ROOT forces.

Kabuto was supposed to kill me, and he didn't. Our cover story was that he _couldn't_ , that I was strong enough to take him even after Danzou's insane training regime (Kabuto flinches every single time the word 'training' is mentioned, and he's the type that would take on a raging hellhound without batting an eyelash, so I _know_ it must have been messed up) and Okaa-san's timely arrival just added validity to that story. However, she's also an Uchiha, so that was bound to be a sticking point for anyone that wanted to poke holes in the otherwise sound cover-up.

But back to the point, would I have told Shisui-chan about Kabuto? And if I would've, then how much?

"Probably. Eventually. But really Shisui-chan, you still don't know all that much. I was expecting questions a long time ago."

He gave me a sharp glance before sighing. "Then tell me. Tell me everything."

And so I did (after double-checking that no one was eavesdropping and getting Shisui-chan to do the same).

We sat down on the banks of the Naka River and watched the sky grow a molten amber and gold, the piercing rays spilling onto the glittering water and the sky smearing itself with reds and purples. The sun dipped into the earth, the purples faded into pinks and the reds faded to dark blues and greys.

Both our eyes were trained on the miracle before us as I told him about the Nonou-Danzou conversation Kabuto and I had overheard almost six months ago (time sure does fly by, doesn't it?), that Kabuto had told me about his 'special training' as soon as he'd been initiated, how Kabuto had been assigned by Danzou to kill me, the seal on Kabuto's tongue that prevented him from discussing _anything_ about his double life, the meetings with Minato-sama about the Orphanage, my promise to Kabuto…

By the time I stopped talking, the stars had pierced the dark heavens above us and the wind had picked up enough to make me feel grateful that I had a warm scarf and mittens to prevent the worst of it.

Shisui-chan's teeth were chattering, although he didn't seem to notice, too busy absorbing all the information I'd dumped on him. It was only then, when I saw the shadows playing across his pale face, that I realised just how much I'd been keeping from him. It made me sad, in a way I can't quite explain.

"So," he finally said, looking at me for the first time since he'd asked me to spill. "Kabuto is in pretty deep shit, Danzou-sama is a douchebag, and you're somehow his target without actually doing anything to warrant his attention. And Yondaime-sama is in on this. Am I missing anything?"

I couldn't have summarised it better myself. I shook my head, indicating that he'd nailed it. Shisui-chan took a deep breath and let it out huffily. "Ma, Aki-senpai? Next time a two-time war veteran and member of the Shinobi Council with an army of emotionless machines at his beck and call has a vendetta against you, you'll let me know a bit before I happen to stumble upon it, yeah?"

And there's only one thing to do when someone asks for a favour. "Only if you tell Kabuto that there are kids missing from the Orphanage without anyone's knowledge."

Shisui-chan's eyes widened. He got up abruptly and said in a falsely cheerful voice, "Would you look at the time! Okaa-san will be going mental right about now! See you tomorrow, Aki-senpai!"

And he shunshin-ed away like the coward he was.

Wonderful.

How do I break it to Kabuto anyway? He nearly went catatonic when I mentioned Nonou-san was on an unclassified, illegally authorised mission in Kumo; I don't know how he's going to take the news that his fellow orphans are disappearing left right and centre without any trace of them. And apparently, it's been going on for a few weeks now; it's just that today, we finally _noticed_ it. I feel like I've failed Kabuto on some higher emotional level.

But you know, disappearing children rings a bell…

Brain. Too. Clogged. To. Remember.

All I'm getting is cat, Kakashi, and wood, and if that isn't disturbing enough, I keep thinking 'isolated wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere' and 'tongue'.

Ew.

* * *

I woke up bright and early for another fun filled day of classroom interaction, social mingling, lunch invitations, midnight diaper duty and being kept up all night (although that's improving rapidly as the days pass by as Sa-chan falls into a regular sleeping pattern, thank Kami-sama).

But unlike most days, I was on time. Itachi-touto blinked at me weirdly and tried to undo whatever genjutsu he seemed to think he was under.

I would be offended at his lack of faith in me if I didn't find it amusing.

Ruffling his hair with a laugh, I said, "Can't be late for evaluation day, ne Otouto?"

He nodded solemnly and picked up his bag before we both walked out to the corner where we usually meet Shisui-chan before madly dashing across the roads to reach the academy.

…okay, maybe his lack of faith in my time keeping is justified.

Shisui-chan was sitting on one of the porches with a scroll in hand, reading it leisurely as though planning on waiting for a long time.

"Yare yare, Shisui-chan. You've gotten too lax," I drawled, and his head snapped up and his eyes widened comically.

"The apocalypse is nigh," he intoned solemnly.

I swatted the back of his head and gave him an exasperated look. "Idiot!"

We didn't run this time, taking in all the sights and sounds of the morning bustle. Sweet breads being sold in the stalls instead of takoyaki, the morning breakfast rush melding with rushing children and screaming infants (and their haggard parents ranting at Life as though it could actually hear them), the tinkling sound of the wind chimes on display, the sounds of wives on the balconies putting out the laundry or taking it in and singing songs and prayers, the melody of the morning mingling with the mewls of cats and grumbles of grandpas and barks of dogs and shouting and laughing and chattering and running and…

I smiled and Itachi-touto looked at me questioningly. I simply said, "Nothing, Otouto. Just falling in love with our village all over again."

He smiled in understanding and looked around for himself. That's the thing about Itachi-touto you see—he's as patriotic as I am. I'm not demeaning his patriotism, because what he did for the village was well beyond self-sacrifice in canon; I'm saying that I am equally as patriotic, and no one but the two people walking next to me quite truly understand what I feel for Konoha.

I've never belonged anywhere, you know? In my old world, my family moved from their country of origin to another place, and then when I hit fifteen we moved again, and then I'd died that ridiculously tragic death of mine. I'd followed the cultures of one place, the laws of another, and the media of the third. In short, I was a mix of many different places, and while I loved all three places, I never felt like I truly belonged to any one place.

Here, it's different, in the most amazing way possible.

That's why I'm not all that worried about evaluation day and how much I'm going to have to fake it—I don't have to. I love Konoha with everything I have, I _would_ put my life on the line for my people, I genuinely think the current Hokage is the greatest thing in history (this world or my old world), and I genuinely wouldn't feel comfortable belonging anywhere else.

I have nothing to hide about my motives because they're all that those in power desire (although the specific details of my life goals—preventing the Uchiha Massacre, stopping Sasuke (now Sa-chan) from defecting, preventing the Chidori-to-the-chest incident, protecting Naruto from the inevitable prejudice he's going to face—because if anyone found out about that, it would get _really_ messy) and anything that seems slightly out of place doesn't matter, because Minato-sama's practically my godfather (although Teyaki-ji-san, bless his overworked and underpaid heart, is my actual one, he's just not quite as awesome).

Although I don't think it's going to be that easy. They haven't told us what the tests entail, but whatever it is, I hope it isn't too impossible. Itachi-touto is going to be doing the evaluation with us instead of his peerage, so that's always an interesting thing. I think that they really want him to graduate early, but what's surprising me is that they haven't already done it yet. It's not even as though no one has ever graduated at age five, because Kakashi. Enough said.

Oh well. I'm not complaining.

I think that if it ever came down to it, I wouldn't want Itachi-touto to graduate earlier than me, for various reasons, both political and personal. But the main reason is because, if he graduates before me, I'll still be in the academy while he'll be out there risking his neck, and there won't be a snowball's chance in hell for me to volunteer myself to go help him. I mean, I know he's _Uchiha Itachi_ , but I can't help but worry about him, you know?

It's a big sister thing.

'Itachi-sama!' yelled a prepubescent boy, and the look of pain on Itachi-touto's face was hilarious. I turned around with a smile at a kid of five with mousy brown spiky hair who was running full pelt towards us with two other boys in tow, all looking indecently excited to have run into Itachi-touto.

"People you know, Otouto?" I asked out of the corner of my mouth.

"Please make them go away, Aneki," he muttered in a strained voice. How could I not oblige?

I threw a glance at Shisui-chan, who winked back at me.

"My, what do we have here? Fanboys?" Shisui-chan asked good-naturedly.

The loud-looking one paused and gave Shisui-chan a once over before looking at him suspiciously. "Who are you?" he bit out rudely, and his two lackeys tried and failed to look threatening on either side of him.

"I'm glad you asked!" exclaimed Shisui-chan dramatically. He hit them with a minor area effect genjutsu which made it seem as though his eyes were an unholy shade of pink, his hair was long and white, and that every time he spoke, sparkles came out of his eyes.

"I am the great Buji-baba! I have come to ensure you don't complete your quest, and I will not stop until all of you swear eternal allegiance to me! Heed my words, young children!"

He then created a genjutsu cloak and held it up to his face in a dramatic fashion.

The loud-looking one gulped before visibly mustering up the effort to stand his ground. "You don't scare us! We're under Itachi-sama's protection!"

I gave Itachi-touto a quick sideways glance as I weaved a genjutsu that created a cardboard box in front of us, visible only to the three fanboys. He face palmed in annoyance, and I've come to realise that I really like exasperated!Itachi a lot more than is perhaps healthy.

"Care to share, brother dearest?"

"Later."

We both turned to watch Shisui-chan's theatrics, which I'll admit were the most hilarious antics I'd ever seen, if only because he had a completely straight face while acting like Buji-baba.

"Ohohoho! Where is your Itachi-sama now?! I have hidden you from him, and he'll never find you!"

"Go away, meanie!" yelled one of the lackeys with eyes as wide as saucers and snot streaming down his face in pure terror. I shouldn't be laughing, but by Kami-sama was that face funny!

"My powers are legendary!" continued Shisui-chan, really getting into it. "I can turn humans into monkeys, and then monkeys into beetles, and then beetles into steaks, and then steaks into a full course meal, and then I eat the meal which is a steak which is a beetle which is a monkey which is a human which is YOU!"

I was literally rolling on the floor, the laughs were impossible to keep in, and Itachi-touto was looking torn between incredulity and hysteria, which made me laugh even harder.

The three fanboys ran full pelt into the school, now thoroughly traumatised.

Shisui-chan dropped the genjutsu and came towards us with a satisfied grin on his face. I wiped the laughter tears from my eyes and hugged him. "I haven't laughed that much in ages! I love you, Shisui-chan!"

He blushed as bright as a crab and, still chuckling, I took Itachi-touto's hand in mine and we walked to the academy.

Only to be stopped again. "Itachi-kun!"

Itachi-touto gave a full body twitch before relaxing once he realised who it was. "Aren't we mighty popular today, Itachi-chama?" said Shisui-chan cheerfully, although his face was still flushed.

He ignored Shisui-chan, instead opting to face Izumi-chan with an amiable expression on his face.

"Good morning, Izumi-chan."

"Good morning! I didn't expect to see you here so early. You're usually the last one to arrive," she said, and Itachi-touto gave me a fleeting murderous look while I gave him a sheepish smile back.

"But I'm glad I caught up with you. I wanted to thank you for the other day," she said with an easy smile, and Itachi-touto reciprocated it in kind, although perhaps with less of the beaming and more of the easiness.

"Oh, good morning to you as well, Akito-nee-sama!" she exclaimed, finally noticing her surroundings.

I am now planning Itachi-touto's wedding and their beautiful children's baby names.

"Good morning, Izumi-chan. What happened the other day?" I asked.

"Ah, not that I don't want to know as well," interrupted Shisui-chan. "But at this rate, we're going to be later to the academy than usual. Maybe some othet time?"

And he was right. We made it to class five minutes later than we usually did, and the glare Bunko-sensei, with the bags under her eyes and extremely pale skin, levelled at us was enough to make us gulp and scuttle to our seats. She looked demonic, and I don't think she's over her sickness.

"Now that everyone's here," she grit out pointedly. "We have a new student today. He was tutored at home, so if there are any gaps in his knowledge, I expect all of us to help him out. Any questions? Hageshī-kun, stop sucking your thumb!"

The Inuzuka of our class quickly put his hand away with a pout, while his puppy yipped aggressively from his spot on his human partner's desk. Yūhi Daiki raised a straight hand up into the air and Bunko-sensei motioned for him to speak.

"What is your name, new one?" he asked with a clear-eyed expression. If his form of address was archaic, we didn't tend to mention it much.

The kid at the front of the classroom, a scowl fixed on his face and his eyes narrowed in annoyance, said in a thin reedy voice, "Tsumiki Kido."

There was something about the pink-eyed, dark blue-haired boy that set my teeth on edge. I don't want to do the whole judging-people-by-their-appearance thing, but I bet that even if Tsumiki Kido hadn't had slicked back hair and beady eyes, I would still not appreciate his existence. Not that I'm going to let it show of course—the last time I did that, Kabuto spent more than a year without a single friend.

Bunko-sensei told Kido to take his seat behind Sato Isamu, and the class was silenced once more.

"We'll begin today with a written test, evaluating _everything_ we've done in the last three years. I hope you all put yesterday to good use."

Several groans sounded from across the room as Bunko-sensei handed out the test papers (each one was so thick, I don't think we'll be doing anything _but_ the written test), and then without much further ado, we all took our pencils out and began scratching out the answers. There were, thankfully, far more multiple choice questions than regular questions, so the first six pages or so of over forty MCQ took roughly twenty minutes for me to finish.

Now, keep in mind that I'm an Uchiha, so my memory is far better than most. If it took _me_ twenty minutes, unless your last name is Uchiha or Yūhi, it'd take a little less than double the amount of time for most other people. And that's not taking into account people like Seki-kun and Hageshī, the two that drag the class average down when it comes to written tests.

The test had lots of obscure factual questions, a good chunk of history questions, a lot of maths and trajectory questions, some tactical questions, heaps of shinobi code regurgitation, and one entire section on personality profiling.

We do this thing where we profile a historical person (mine was Senju Mito) and try to gauge what they'd do in certain situations. We get a list of scenarios, and we guess to the best of our abilities. Shisui-chan is particularly good with these types of questions, and so is Emiko-chan. Itachi-touto has a bit of trouble with these types of questions and so do I, for basically the same reason—we write down what they ought to do, not what they _would_ actually do. In essence, we channel ourselves into these people, and this makes us lose marks depending on who's marking the papers.

But over time, I'm sure I'll get better at character profiling, and Itachi-touto is already improving by leaps and bounds.

Personal profiling is a big part of this year's curriculum because it teaches us to think like the enemy/target/infiltrator and to _become_ an infiltrator/spy. Figuring out how other people think based on minimal information about them is a key aspect of being a shinobi, and it is definitely something I need to work on.

After the test that took us more than half the day to finish, we had lunch break. Itachi-touto was mobbed by his fanboys once more, and just as I was about to intervene, Izumi-chan came running down the corridor and started yelling at them to "get out of Itachi-kun's face and show some decorum!"

Me thinks complex vocabulary at young age is an Uchiha thing. Don't quote me on that though.

Emiko-chan started complaining about her wrist really loudly the minute we reached the grassy field and began sniffling in agony. Shisui-chan and I shared a blank look before I started condescendingly patting her head until she nearly bit my hand off.

"That wasn't very nice, Emiko-chan," I chided her, and she stuck her tongue out at me playfully.

"So what do you think of Tsumiki-san?" asked Shisui-chan after we'd settled down with our bento.

I hummed in thought before stuffing a shrimp into my mouth.

"He smells like he hasn't taken a shower in _weeks_ ," sniffed Emiko-chan, scrunching up her nose in distaste. "And who even _has_ pink eyes anyway?"

"I'm going to reserve judgement," I said diplomatically, because I didn't _really_ have much more than a gut feeling against him.

Shisui-chan said in a low voice, "He's staring at us, Aki-senpai."

Emiko-chan shuddered before looking around for Kido. "Ew! Where?"

"My four o'clock."

Emiko-chan and I looked at the direction and saw Kido glaring at us with bared teeth. When he noticed we were looking, he pointed at us and mimed slitting our throats.

Emiko-chan's lower lip wobbled in fear and Shisui-chan clenched his knuckles tightly.

I started laughing, because come on, would _you_ take an eight year old with _baby_ _pink eyes_ seriously?

I mean, Sakura's pink hair was pushing the realm of believability, and Komoto Togari gets away with her deep pink eyes quite well, and neither one of them are very intimidating. But at least they both made it _work_.

But _baby pink_?

The poor sod can glare and threaten my life all he likes. He's about intimidating as Winnie the Pooh.

* * *

The second half of the day was spent listening to various lectures from representatives of the T&I department, the cypher corps, infiltration, the medical corps (I'm _still_ reading all the books they dumped on me in the hopes that I'd finish my rudimentary medical training before graduating), the sealing division, weaponry department, the Daimyo's Guardians, the KMPF and about a dozen odd more.

They all melded into one at some point, because Kido kept staring at me. I know, I know. The world doesn't revolve me and he could have just been glaring at Shisui-chan, who was sitting next to me, or Emiko-chan, who'd begun snoozing on my shoulder the minute the infiltration specialist representative stopped talking. But I'm pretty sure he's staring at me, and when I told Shisui-chan this, he agreed with me completely.

"The real question is, why does he want you dead?"

"If I could answer that Shisui-chan, my life would be so much easier."

His lips twitched into a wry smile and the cogs in his brain have been whirling over time ever since, trying to figure the mystery of Kido's Killer Intent out.

After more than three hours of lectures varying from interesting (the sealing division) to downright sadistic (the T&I department), we did a half hour practical exam, where all the representatives watched us like hawks. I am happy to note that I beat everybody on the obstacle course, and came in third in the spars (after Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto). The target test (we used actual kunai for the first time) was a bit of hit and miss, with five of us getting in nineteen out of twenty—Yūhi Daiki, Shisui-chan, Itachi-touto, Hyuuga Higaishi and me.

On a completely unrelated note, Higaishi, if translated using the basics of Japanese, literally translates to Mr Damage.

I couldn't stop snickering after that particular introduction, and somehow, I don't think that that's improved Hyuuga-Uchiha tensions much.

Yare yare…

After school, our year group was held back for the dreaded questionnaire, and some of the faces looked downright mutinous.

Mine may or may not have been one of them. Itachi-touto may or may not have crushed his bento with the force of his ire. Shisui-chan may or may not have death-glared Bunko-sensei into a pile of stutter. Emiko-chan may or may not have actually fainted.

Yūhi Daiki looked stoic, Hyuuga Higaishi looked impassive, the Akimichi of our year group munched on some tofu-flavoured chips (don't ask me how he can stomach that junk. I still can't get my head around how he can manage to pack away so many bags of what essentially boils down to salted cardboard.), the Yamanaka and Inuzuka Hageshī were yelling loudly in annoyance, Sato Isamu looked at the academy doors longingly and—

Tsumiki Kido was still staring at me.

Oh well. He can be creepy if he wants to be. Who am I to stop him?

The questionnaire was handed to us and we were forced to sit down and complete it in utter silence (any grumbling was met with senbon thrown close enough to our jugulars to be threatening. So it's not just bad parenting; it's bad teaching too in this mad mad world).

The questions were fairly roundabout, but in the end, I doubt I wrote anything down that implied I was a sneeze away from committing mass genocide and then defecting from the village, all the while interacting with a creepy snake pedo.

Or something.

One particularly interesting question was, _Of the options given below, which action would you follow if a gorilla landed on your client's tent?_

 _a) Scream bloody murder  
b) Call for help  
c) Adopt it  
d) Skin it for its financial value  
e) Shoo it away  
f) Let it give the client a concussion because she's the noisiest, most irritating she-devil you've ever come across. And if she dies, it's simply natural selection, right?  
g) Kill it to protect your client_

Now, not that I'm biased or anything, but I'm fairly certain that's a question written by the T&I specialist that did the half hour lecture on stupid clients, pet monkeys and flying hippos.

No, don't ask me how they all connected. All T&I specialists are insane.

I went with e), but I was _very_ tempted to go for a) or f), simply for the lols.

But for this one, I think, barring f), there really isn't a wrong answer.

Don't quote me on that though.

* * *

The minute we finished the questionnaire, we were given the green light to flee, and flee we did. Of the four of us, Emiko-chan was the only one still writing, and we did the friendly thing and waited outside for her.

Yes, I know, we're such amazing friends right?

Shisui-chan was leaning against the fence and kicking stones in a bored fashion, Itachi-touto was quietly going over the work he'd missed in his regular classes today because of the Evaluation, and I was plaiting and unplaiting strands of my hair in different styles.

A few minutes of waiting later, we were shaken from our reverie with a high-pitched voice calling out.

"Akito-nee!" followed by yips of excitable puppies.

There, running full pelt towards us with the Haimaru triplets streaking behind her, was Hana-chan, her face faintly smudged with dirt and something clasped in her right hand tightly.

I waved at her, and when she reached us, she nodded at Shisui-chan (who nodded back in acknowledgement) and sniffed in Itachi-touto's direction and said a curt "Pink-eyes" in greeting.

While Itachi-touto looked mildly uncomfortable, he nonetheless asked her politely, "How have you been, Hana-san?"

I'd heard through the gossip channels, and from Kushina-ba-chan who'd heard from Minato-sama, that Hana-chan was going to therapy sessions, but that the trauma was minimal because of the way the situation was handled (meaning no bloodshed or overt threatening behaviour, like, I don't know, licking blood off a blade or something…but I don't know how Kisame would manage to do that with Samehada _anyway_ …).

Inuzuka-sama seemed grateful and altogether un-angry at us for "dragging her daughter into the Uchiha machinations" as Jaberu-san put it when they'd come to collect Itachi-touto's and my statements.

And no, apparently the KMPF wasn't trusted enough to handle the investigation objectively (another slight on the Uchiha that people had been grumbling about) and so T&I was doing it instead.

"What are you on about? I'm fine! Even got a month off school, and the status boost is great! But you know that already!" she babbled, and it was only then that I realised she was nervous about something.

"Is something the matter, Hana-chan?" I asked in concern, because she didn't strike me as the type to even know what nervousness _meant_.

She began fiddling with the piece of string in her hands that, upon closer inspection, turned out to be a braided leather necklace with three tiny fangs woven into it. The three leather strands she'd used to presumably make it were each a shade different from each other, but only if you looked really closely.

"Did you make that?" I asked, impressed once again by her creativity.

"Y-yeah," she said, stuttering in her nervousness, looking anywhere but at me. "Been making it for the last week, ever since the youngest Haimaru brother lost his first canine. Y-you know, for you."

"For me?"

She looked up at me then with a large blush covering her face and nodded. "As a thank you, for, you know, saving me and stuff. You were amazing!"

She beamed at me with the blush still on her face, and I chuckled before taking the proffered necklace from her hand. "It's beautiful," I said with a soft smile, and she blushed even harder.

"Well, yeah, so…anyway," she muttered, shuffling her feet, before quickly closing the distance between Itachi-touto and herself, and kissing his cheek swiftly before bidding a very abrupt and hasty retreat. "And that's your thank you, Pink-eyes!"

If Itachi-touto still looked stunned after I'd put on the necklace that was really more of a loose choker and Emiko-chan had come out of the academy muttering dark and sinister things, none of us mentioned it.

Even though Shisui-chan was snickering into his hands the entire way home.

* * *

If possible, the whispers following me everywhere I went picked up in intensity. It may or may not have had anything to do with the prominently displayed gleaming fangs tied around my neck.

When I'd gotten home the week before, when I'd gotten the checklace (choker-necklace) from Hana-chan, Okaa-san had _smirked_ and patted me on the head before heading back into the living room to feed a chubby Sa-chan some more boiled vegetables and orange juice. Apparently, an Inuzuka giving someone outside their clan the first fangs of their ninken showed that they'd basically adopted them into the clan.

Or something vaguely similar to that, like as though they'd acknowledged me as one of their distant relatives or something, and that in my time of need, they would gladly support me in my endeavours. Or bestowed me with the greatest honour the Inuzuka _could_ bestow someone outside their clan, like as though Hana-chan and I now had a special bond, and seeing as we're both heiresses, the political consequences are _mind-boggling_.

…I don't even _like_ dogs…

Or, you know, it could just be that she wanted to give me a present that meant a lot to her, and ended up causing a political quagmire for her clan.

Yare yare…

Anyway, I was heading to Rin-chan's apartment to meet her and Obito-kun (seriously, the amount of time Obito-kun spends at Rin-chan's house—they might as well get married _now_ instead of waiting till they're sixteen!*...okay, maybe it'll be frowned upon, but _everyone_ knows they're meant to be _anyway_ ).

With a box of daifuku and a white woollen hat covering my ears from the wind that's been picking up recently (Hoso-baa-san is on a roll with this years' Uchiha knitwear), I walked up the stairs of Rin-chan's apartment complex and knocked on the second door to the right on the second floor.

After a while of waiting, the door opened and I was ushered in by Rin-chan, who gave me a hasty smile and then gave Obito-kun a quick goodbye and rushed out of the apartment, ostensibly for work.

"Come in, Aki-hime! You're letting in the cold," said Obito-kun from his seat on the comfy blue sofa with a soft white flower pattern on it.

"Good afternoon, Obito-kun!" I said, closing the door behind me. "Been abandoned again, have you?"

He grumbled good-naturedly before asking me to put the daifuku in the kitchen. "Rin-chan'll give me some when she gets back from work in—" he looked at the clock hanging from the wall. "—seven hours and ten minutes."

It's sweet that he's already counting.

"Where's Kakashi-san?" I asked, having heard from Rin-chan when I was at the hospital the other day that Obito-kun was under near constant surveillance because of wandering thoughts and the potential threat of him committing suicide due to his injuries.

Not that I think he will, but the general trend when a shinobi gets a debilitating injury is that they commit suicide rather than face the harsh reality of never going into work again, and being essentially useless to the village they'd signed up to give their lives for.

But enough of the depressing stuff.

"He's on a mission. Somewhere doing something about something or other."

I deadpanned. "Do you want to try again? I don't think you were being vague enough."

He chuckled lightly and motioned for me to sit down.

Snuggling into the blanket carelessly draped on the back of the sofa, I eyed him cautiously and asked, "How's the recovery going?"

I'd heard from Rin-chan (on the same day I heard about the suicide watch) that the recovery process wasn't going as expected.

He chuckled again, but this time there was an edge of bitterness in it. "Brilliantly. I'm going to go completely blind and there's not a damn thing they can do about it, but that's life, you know?"

"They don't know that for sure, Obito-kun. They only _think_ removing your other eye might be an eventuality. They aren't certain what's causing this—this—"

"Sharingan malfunction? No, I don't suppose they do. Since when has an Uchiha come back from a mission that killed one of their eyes anyway? Most stab themselves in the gut before coming home with _this_ hanging over their heads," he said bitterly, and I wished I could help but I don't know _how_.

It's killing me, having my inadequacies shoved in my face like this. What good is helping others when I can't even help my own precious people?

He wasn't even looking at me, teeth gritted and the one fully functional arm flexing in anger.

"But let's not talk about that," he said with a sigh, releasing the tension from his body. "Let's talk about what a boneheaded thing you did on the 24th of September."

I grinned at him sheepishly and said, "Whoops?"

He scoffed at me. "Yeah, _whoops_."

He turned to face me in my blanket-cocoon and his one eye softened. "Proud though I am that you saved that kid, and that you stayed out of the fighting, and that it all turned out so well because of all your hard work…Aki-hime, don't you _dare_ scare me like that again."

My eyes might have watered slightly at hearing the concern in his voice, but if you point it out, I'll deny it completely.

"I'll try, Obito-kun," I said, giving him a big hug and burying my face in the crook of his neck.

He wrapped both his arms around me, the mauled one and the good one, squeezing me gently.

"You could have _died_ you numpty," he muttered with an exhale.

"I know," I muttered too, still hugging him. "I promise to try not to scare you on one condition."

He withdrew from the hug and gave me an enquiring frown. "Condition?"

I nodded and cheerfully said, "I get to do Rin-chan's hair for the wedding."

He laughed then, and if his ribs hurt immediately after and I had to go get some painkillers for him after, well.

That's life, ne?

* * *

I was walking to Kushina-ba-chan's house to visit for the fifth time this fortnight.

Don't ask me _why_ , but I've been learning how to make teas of different flavours and their origins from the biggest tea enthusiast of the village.

And the scariest part is?

Itachi-touto has been initiated into the Tea Worshipping Cult.

He's as bad as Kushina-ba-chan is! You can't take him _anywhere_ anymore without him asking for a cup of tea—multiple times, and multiple flavours.

By Kami-sama, it's freaking ridiculous! I told Otou-san this, and you know what he did?

He shrugged and said "meh".

No, seriously, I kid you not. He literally said "meh" and walked off as if this bit of information _isn't_ a torn piece of the space-time continuum flapping around in the cesspit of the plot deviations that are now my life.

In retrospect, I may have been overreacting.

I knocked on the door but, not receiving any summons and realising the door was unlocked, I went in and headed to the living room, where the voices were emanating from.

Someone hysterical that sounded like Okaa-san (and surprise surprise, actually _was_ Okaa-san) was ranting about _something_ , and when I opened the door…

I wished I hadn't.

"—I wish that girl had never been born!" vented Okaa-san.

And as though I needed any confirmation that she was talking about me (call it a gut feeling that told me 'girl' was 'Akito'), Kushina-ba-chan said, "Get over it then Miko-chan, because my goddaughter isn't going _anywhere_."

Okaa-san's eyes narrowed and she hissed, "You don't _get_ it, Kushina. If you had a daughter like her—"

"Akito-chan?"

I was frozen in the doorway, and both the women inside snapped their heads towards me in shock. Minato-sama placed a hand on my shoulder gently and…

I ran.

I couldn't stand to look at Okaa-san's pale horrified face.

It was _ripping_ at something deep inside, and I don't _want_ to feel this pain.

Because this? I have _never_ felt pain like this before.

...She's supposed to _be my **mother**_.

I must have walked quite a bit of a distance in a daze, because I'm sitting on a bench overlooking the Naka River, staring at my hands and wondering what on earth I'd done to Okaa-san for her to wish I'd never been born.

"Akito-chan?"

I didn't look up to see Minato-sama, even when he came and sat on the bench next to me and said, "You know she didn't mean it, right?"

I looked up at him after a beat, and said, "I know. People say mean things in the heat of the moment, and they don't really mean them. I understand."

He looked at me with sombre eyes, and I looked away, because looking at that expression any longer would _break_ me.

"Akito-chan, look at me?"

And look I did, because whether it was a command or not, it didn't matter. I loved him too much not to listen to him.

"It doesn't matter what Mikoto-san thinks of you; _I'm_ glad you exist. I don't know what my life would be like without you. You're one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, even better than becoming Hokage."

He said it with such an assured and steady voice, with such conviction in his eyes, that it made me believe him even though my head was spinning around in a series of _why would anyone want me? I'm not even supposed to_ be _here. I killed people that weren't supposed to die! I can't—_

He placed both his hands on my shoulders to steady my trembling, and it wasn't until then that I'd noticed I was doing it.

"I love you, Akito-chan. Don't _ever_ doubt that," he said, equal parts fierce and gentle.

He brought me closer to him in a loose hug as the dam burst and I started blubbering like a baby, complete with sound effects and closed eyes.

It was like rain, you know?

You know that relieved feeling you get when you just _let go_? Like as though everything's going to be okay now because you're no longer bottling up the feelings anymore. Like as though you don't have to try to be strong anymore, because it's going to be okay now.

Because someone loves you, even when you don't quite completely love yourself.

He held me until I stopped crying, and then I pulled away, strangely unembarrassed by my outburst.

"Feeling better?" he asked me, as though this was a normal occurrence and not as though he thought I was breakable.

Something inside me loosened, knowing that everything would still be the same between us—that he didn't think I was a weak baby for crying all over him.

I nodded, wiping my eyes and hiccupping with a small smile on my face. "Thank you."

"Any time."

"Shouldn't you be getting back to work?"

"…maybe."

I laughed, and it was like the sun was shining again, even though it had been hiding behind the clouds all day and still was. Well, it was shining in my head at any rate, so that should be good enough for everyone, right?

"Go on, Minato-sama! Can't avoid the paperwork forever!"

He got up with a light chuckle and ruffled my hair. He turned away, and took a few steps before turning around and looking at me solemnly.

"Under strict orders from my wife, I am obligated to inform you that, should you need it, our home is your home, and you're _always_ welcome."

I gave him my widest, most beatific smile, and said, "Stop it Minato-sama! You're making me blush!"

He waved with a smile, turned on his heel, and disappeared in a yellow flash.

* * *

I stayed on the bench some more before deciding it was time to get up and go home; I'd wasted enough time in my own thoughts.

On my way back, someone began chasing after me. I stopped and waited for whoever it was to catch up to me, and sure enough, a panting Izumi-chan reached me, as though she'd been running a marathon.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Akito-nee-sama!" she exclaimed after catching her breath.

"Whatever for?" I asked curiously.

"You told me to remind you."

No, please Kami-sama, not now. It's too soon! Minato-sama and Kushina-ba-chan can't—

"Tomorrow's October the tenth."

Kami-sama, _please._

 _Not now._

 _I'm not ready._

 _I'll never be ready._

 _This isn't..._

 _NO!_

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Hatake Kakashi splashed his face with water before looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Two perfectly normal eyes stared back at him, and he stood looking at it for perhaps a bit longer than was entirely healthy.

Medic-nin, thought Kakashi, were frightening creatures.

It was like he hadn't lost his left eye _at all_.

Three days after Team Minato had returned from their mission at the Kannabi Bridge, the medics had come forward and asked him whether he would like an eye transplant, seeing as there was no infection and his optical nerves weren't damaged too extensively.

He had thought that he would be one of those shinobi that would always have a blind spot, and he'd resigned himself to extra training to get rid of the impediment.

Yet, they'd handed him with a solution on a silver platter, and he'd agreed almost instantly.

A few days after that, someone had come forward with a perfect match for him, and that eyeball was now in his skull, ensuring that his left side wouldn't be left unguarded.

He knew for a fact that the eye belonged to a Nara. He'd asked.

He also knew that it had been the left eye of a little girl, no older than three, who'd died of lung problems.

Some days, he knew he should care about that.

Most days though, he didn't really think too deeply about the origins of his new eye.

What he did think about though, was that he'd gotten off so _lucky_ , and there was Obito, who'd done nothing wrong ( _it had been Kakashi's fault, really, why was he such an_ _ **idiot!?**_ ) and yet was probably going to lose both his eyes at the end of this ordeal, had only half a functioning body, and his mind wasn't exactly completely intact—

And then there was Kakashi, who looked brand new and shiny, the only relic of the mission that almost ended in the death of his then rival and now best friend being a thin but clearly visible vertical scar where his eye had been slashed.

Sometimes, Kakashi hated himself.

Other times, he could almost, _almost_ , stand the guilt eating away at him.

But mostly, he _lived_.

* * *

Don't hate Mikoto too much. All will be explained next chapter. But yes, she was _definitely_ talking about Akito.

 _*15_ _th_ _of March is the actual Japanese Harvest Festival. It worked out ridiculously well, and I'm quite pleased with this bit of trivia! I didn't even plan this and was worried about the fact that the Harvest is usually Autumn time, but once again, Japan is awesome._

 _*Yare yare means good grief. Katekyo Hitman Reborn has quite a few characters that say it often. Remember this one. It becomes important later._

 _*There isn't a specific reason as to why they're waiting till sixteen as there aren't any laws in place for this sort of thing, but in Japan, sixteen is when you_ can _get married, so I figured that I'd use that as a reasonable cut off point. The reason there aren't any laws in place is because shinobi are considered adults the minute they tie that hitai-ate on their person, and that can be when they're as young as five (Kakashi). Plus, their life spans aren't exactly the longest. In addition, during the warring clan era, I'm assuming they didn't have laws like that because each clan had a different acceptable age for marriage, depending on each individual clan's casualty rate (if high casualty rate, then they'd want children to be born faster, meaning earlier marriages so that, even if parent dies, they have replacements within the clan and their gene pool doesn't diminish). They haven't changed that because clan matters are almost exclusively not under the main government's jurisdiction._

 _Also, I suppose ages of the characters are in order, ne?_

 _Ine, Sasuke, Naruto, Gaara + rookie 9 – 0-1 years of age_

 _Neji, Tenten, Lee – 1-2 years of age_

 _Kankuro – 2-3 years of age_

 _Temari – 3-4 years of age_

 _Itachi, Hana, Koki, Izumi – 5-6 years of age_

 _Akito, Shisui, Emiko, Daiki, Hageshī, Seki (Orphan) – 7-8 years of age_

 _Kabuto, Kido, Yowa (Orphan), Sato Isamu – 8-9 years of age_

 _Iruka, Mizuki – 10-11 years of age (Graduation Age)_

 _Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai – 14 years of age_

 _Obito, Rin, Asuma – 15 years of age_

 _Komoto Togari – 16 years of age_

 _Sarutobi Mariko (during death) – 19 years of age_

 _Minato, Kushina, Mikoto – 23 years of age_

 _Ken, Hizashi, Hiashi, Inabi, Ureshi – 25 years of age_

 _Fugaku, Inuzuka Tsume, Akimichi Kimi – 28-29 years of age_

 _Nonou, Chouza (before death) – 33 years of age_

 _Hagane-sensei – 35 years of age_

 _Teyaki – 46 years of age_

 _Biwako – 54 years of age_

 _Hiruzen, Danzou, Kohaku, Homura – 56 years of age_

 _Hiroyuki, Noeki-oba-san, Obito's grandmother – 77/83/67 years of age_

 _Madara (deceased as of 20_ _th_ _July) – 88 years of age_

 _I was thinking, who do you consider the main characters of this story? Should someone be given more screentime because you feel I'm neglecting them? Everyone excited for the Kyuubi Attack? What do you think of the events in this chapter?_

 _Also, Amore2210. Loves_ _.Fanfic_ _asked me to write the Ten Minute Riot from another characters' perspective. I'll do it if there's enough demand for it, and it won't actually affect the non-existent updating speed or the flow of the story so…review and let me know?_

 _Also, I was_ _ **overwhelmed**_ _with the reception of the last chapter! Thank you so much! And to think, I was actually contemplating removing the entire riot scene…:D_

 ** _Edited 2/03/2017_**


	11. Nine-Tailed Night

_**'I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become. I am a survivor.'**_

* * *

 _Okay, before I begin this chapter, I would like to reply to AFC (Guest)'s review. I hadn't even thought that Mikoto didn't like Akito because of her vocabulary/unnatural baby-ness. I thought I'd made it clear very early on (but I bet I didn't and sort of implied it, probably -_-") that her parents don't even know the normal development rate of an infant. That was never even a reason for this hatred. But I hope you understand where Mikoto's thoughts come from, because I believe she's justified, given her background. However, it's perfectly understandable if you no longer want to read Welcome to Tomorrow anymore, because I understand completely._

* * *

 _1_ _st_ _of October  
Time: 1600 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Home of the Uchiha Clan Head_

Extract from chapter 10: Homely Hatred _– Just before we left the Akimichi Clan compound completely, Shisui-chan stopped me for a moment and said, "I meant what I said though, about you being more than your parents."_

Shisui knocked on Aki-senpai's door and, not hearing an answer, he decided to walk right in anyway.

Aki-senpai had said that she might be a bit late because Togari-san had wanted to treat her to some tea, so he was going to wait for Aki-senpai at her home so that they could walk to Yamanaka Enzen's house (Aki-senpai had taught three of his kids how to throw shuriken accurately, and how to focus their thoughts enough to manage their Yamanaka Clan techniques, so they were 'eternally indebted' to Aki-senpai).

As he walked in, he heard the shower and the tap in the kitchen running, thus identifying exactly where Itachi-chama and Mikoto-sama were respectively.

He headed into the kitchen to announce his presence, but just before he did, he heard Mikoto-sama say, "Why? Is Akito-chan not enough for you?"

"I don't understand _where_ you're getting this idea from Mikoto, but you're wrong," said Fugaku-sama.

"Am I?" the cutting edge to Aki-senpai's mother's voice made him almost flinch. "I tell you that you need to buy more socks, and Akito-chan says you need more _handkerchiefs_ and you went and bought more _handkerchiefs_ when you _know_ you don't even _use_ them! But guess what, you don't have any socks without holes in them, and you come around blaming me for _not_ telling you, and then Akito-chan comes along and says that I had, but you didn't believe _me_ when I told you that I had. No! Because if _darling Akito_ says so, it must be true, but if my _wife of ten years says so_ , she might be lying?"

"You're overreacting."

Mikoto-sama smashed a glass plate in the sink as she threw it down. " _I'm overreacting!?_ My daughter has more of a say in how this house runs than I do, and I can't even count on my own husband to believe me! I've lived here longer, I've known you longer, I should have a greater say in how this house ought to be run. But NO, _Akito-chan_ gets _that_ privilege too!"

The shower turned off, and both parents arranged themselves to look like they hadn't been arguing. _So they don't want Itachi-chama to know about this…_

Shisui didn't know how anyone could blame Aki-senpai for taking over their jobs, because as far as he was aware, she usually did the jobs and took on the responsibilities for things that no one would step up for.

He wanted to discuss this with Aki-senpai, but…at the same time, he didn't want her to know what her mother thought of her. It would break her heart, especially because Aki-senpai looked up to her mother and wanted "to be just as graceful and sassy as Okaa-san."

He'd never kept secrets from her before though…should he tell her and let her know in advance? Or should he hide it, and spare her feelings?

"Shisui-nii?" voiced Itachi-chama, and if Shisui hadn't been working on his awareness skills, he never would have noticed. "When did you get here?"

Shisui smiled at Aki-senpai's little brother easily and said, "Just now. I knocked but no one heard."

Itachi-chama nodded, and then asked, "Do you want to wait for Aneki upstairs? She'll probably head there first anyway."

Shisui nodded and followed him up the stairs, and they both went to Aki-senpai's room.

It wasn't the first time he'd been in her room (they'd been friends since they were _two_. It would have been a miracle if he hadn't seen her room and vice versa) and it wasn't the first time he'd marvelled at how peaceful he felt here, and how little it had changed over the years.

Even when they had been three years old and had had their first accidental sleepover (they'd both tired themselves out and had fallen asleep. Sleepovers just weren't _done_ in the Uchiha Clan), the same pale grey walls greeted him (somehow, even though it was a disheartening colour, he'd never associated grey with misery because Aki-senpai _made_ everything about her cheerful, including her room walls), the same sturdy oak study table stood in the corner—although there were far more books now than there were then, and the topics of the books had changed as well, from fairy tales, clan genealogy books and history manuscripts to medical texts, baby-care handbooks, a few recipe books, journals, school texts and jutsu scrolls, the same hand painted bed post (Aki-senpai had been ecstatic, content and sentimental when she'd found out Mikoto-sama and Fugaku-sama had made it just for her, even if it wasn't strictly well-done), the same side table with knickknacks artistically arranged on it (although now it had gifts that multiple people had given her because of the Ten Minute Riot) and the same red and white light shade covering her light bulb.

Things, of course, had changed over the years; Sasuke-chan's crib stood at the foot of her bed, the curtains were now a forest green instead of the previous pastel pink, and her dressing table now had more hairgrips than before because of how long her hair had gotten—just past her knees. Shisui loved her hair; it was as wild and beautiful as she was.

Shaking himself out of thoughts that made him blush, he sat on one of the white cushions stacked near her cupboard for guests to sit on and brought one for Itachi-chama as well. He, with his hair still damp from his shower, walked over to the crib and took out a cooing Sasuke-chan, who tried to grab at thin air for Aki-senpai's hair. Itachi-chama put his finger into Sasuke-chan's tiny grabbing fists and Sasuke-chan frowned before blinking blearily up at his big brother.

"How old is he now?" Shisui asked as Itachi-chama carefully sat down with his little brother in his arms.

"70 days today," Itachi-chama answered immediately.

Shisui stopped to consider exactly how dedicated Itachi-chama was to his Otouto before shrugging it off; Aki-senpai was inordinately attached to Itachi-chama as well. It was probably just their family thing.

"Which is…ten weeks. Isn't he a bit small for ten weeks?" asked Shisui.

Itachi-chama frowned lightly (and Shisui could see exactly where Aki-senpai was coming from when she said that frowny!Itachi was adorable) and said, "Really?"

Sasuke-chan, sensing his elder brother's discomfort, began cooing frantically and trying in vain to reach his face, presumably to pat it like both his elder siblings did for him.

Itachi-chama gently held his Otouto's pudgy arms and brought his face closer to him, placing Sasuke-chan's tiny starfish hand on his cheek. "Well, I guess it can't be helped. I'll ask Aneki why when she comes back."

If he hadn't heard Mikoto-sama today, he wouldn't have thought that, actually, it _was_ pretty strange for a five year old to ask his only-two-years-older sister about these things instead of asking his mother, especially considering his mother was just downstairs and his sister wasn't currently home at the moment.

"Why not ask Mikoto-sama?" he prodded.

Itachi-chama looked at him like as though he were a llama walking sideways at a disco (he'd been spending far too much time with Aki-senpai…) and said, "Okaa-san thinks Otouto is developing slowly because he hasn't started crawling yet. Babies start crawling when they're six months old on average. Case in point."

"Ah."

Itachi-chama started gently prodding Sasuke-chan's tummy and mumbled gibberish* to him.

"Shisui-nii? I'm worried."

Shisui tilted his head, prompting Itachi-chama to elaborate.

He continued staring at his Otouto with soft eyes and played with his downy hair as he gurgled in happiness. "Okaa-san and Otou-san have been fighting a lot. I don't know what to do."

Shisui looked at him searchingly, wondering whether he knew why they were fighting. "Do you know what about?"

He shook his head. "They usually stop by the time I'm close enough to hear. But whatever it is, I want it to stop. But I don't know _how_ to make it stop."

Itachi-chama looked distressed. "You don't want Aki-senpai to know." It wasn't a question, and Itachi-chama's nod proved Shisui correct.

"I don't blame you," said Shisui with a sigh.

Aki-senpai was overworking herself, and overextending herself. It wasn't very noticeable, but something seemed to be wearing away at her nerves. This was another reason why Shisui didn't want to tell her about what he'd heard downstairs. He didn't know specifically what she was worried about—and he knew if he asked her, she would just smile at him wearily and tell him not to worry about it, which would make him worry even _more_ —but he had an inkling as to what it could be; Megane-chama was having problems with Danzou-sama. All three of them were worried about what he would do next, but no one was as worried as Aki-senpai was.

Aki-senpai worried too much about them.

It made him both happy and concerned about her health.

"What should I do?" he asked, and Shisui took a good look at him.

"How long has this been going on?"

"…a couple of weeks now."

Perhaps if he'd never known Aki-senpai, never spent the majority of his life with her, he wouldn't have thought or done what he did next.

But that was neither here nor there, because he _did_ think that Itachi-chama was quite possibly one of the bravest people he knew for holding onto this stress for this long and having the courage to look past his pride and realise that he needed help but didn't want to bother his already-bothered Aneki, and he _did_ get up and give the boy he'd watched Aki-senpai raise a hug that conveyed that he always had a Shisui to unload on.

Shisui and Itachi-chama were actually very close, both because they'd grown up together as well (in a way, Aki-senpai had been an elder sister to both of them) and because they were both very similar in temperament, more similar than Aki-senpai and Shisui were; they both thought before they spoke, prepared before they acted, and always had to think twice before they said something in case it might be construed as too rude.

The difference was that Shisui was far more adept at reading situations and people than either Aki-senpai or Itachi-chama, and therein lay his genius.

Shisui, Itachi-chama and Aki-senpai were actually very similar, all things considered.

But then, they were all different enough.

And Shisui loved that the most.

"Let it go for now. It's not your problem to solve. People fight all the time Itachi-chama. Your parents are no exception. Besides," he said, releasing him from the hug. "At least they aren't acting like _my_ parents; those two haven't talked in _months_ now."

Itachi-chama frowned. "This is the first I'm hearing of this."

Shisui shrugged. "Nothing worth mentioning really. Okaa-san went out for a couple of drinks and Otou-san said she was irresponsible. They'll come around. They've reached the 'pining for each other and really not talking to each other only because of pride' stage. Give it a week and they'll be back to being happily dysfunctional again."

Itachi-chama chuckled and Shisui felt that his mission was accomplished.

But…

When Itachi-chama stopped laughing, the laughter still continued.

Shisui's eyes widened in surprise and Itachi-chama very nearly squealed.

Nestled in his blanket, with a hand on Itachi-chama's face and a fist clenched tightly to his side, Sasuke-chan was laughing. A gurgling, joyful sound that was impossible to replicate.

"His first laugh?" called a voice from the doorway, and both boys nearly jumped, because neither one of them had noticed her presence.

"Hai, Aneki. Isn't it…early?"

"Very," she said, taking out pins from her hair and letting it all tumble out of its tight bun. With a smile on her rose-milk face and laughter in her shiny dark eyes, holding her inky tresses in place, Aki-senpai plopped onto her bed and began plaiting rapidly, her hands weaving the strands of her hair as fast as they moved through hand signs. "Looks like we have yet another genius on our hands!"

Itachi-chama, unlike what Shisui had expected at the happy revelation, frowned deeply. "Are you sure, Aneki?"

Aki-senpai seemed to have caught on to her Otouto's discomfort. "Relax, Otouto; Sa-chan's roughly three months old, give or take a few weeks. That's about the right time anyway. We're not getting him started on intensive genjutsu training."

Shisui felt that he'd missed something, but Itachi-chama's shoulders relaxed at this pronouncement, so he let it go.

"Still," she continued thoughtfully, tying her plait at the end, "Most babies laugh when they see their favourite person. Congratulations Otouto! Sa-chan wuvs you!"

She reached out and pinched Itachi-chama's cheeks before rubbing hers against his in a bear hug.

Shisui laughed at Itachi-chama's exasperated expression. "He loves _everyone,_ Aneki."

"I beg to differ," said Shisui with a laid-back smile. "He can barely stand me."

Itachi-chama and Aki-senpai shared a blank look before simultaneously saying, "True."

 _And that_ , Shisui thought as Sasuke-chan laughed again, _is that_.

* * *

 _9_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1730 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Eda Street, Outside the Home of the Uchiha Clan Head_

Uchiha Izumi was a very bright girl, both in terms of intelligence and in terms of personality. She was the type that looked at the positives of a bad situation rather than the negatives, and she had a habit of unnecessarily making things complicated.

Consequently, Izumi's worries about insignificant things and upbeat can-do attitude about others weren't very well-received by her more conservative and less open-minded relatives.

At least, that was until they met Akito-hime.

Izumi wasn't like the rest of the girls, who fantasised about cute boys and being swept away on a white horse into the sunset. Or at least, that was what she used to tell herself.

She used to tell herself that she wasn't girly, that she was a sensible, down-to-earth girl who would make a difference in people's lives. She convinced herself that fashion didn't interest her, dolls and make-up were for females who wanted to go into prostitution or _civilian_ jobs, and that she was okay with having nothing in common with the other girls.

But then Akito-hime had happened, and suddenly Izumi-chan liked fashion, had a doll that she played dress-up with, wore jewellery when she wanted to, and had crushes (or you know, the one guy.)

Because if Akito-hime, the girl that everyone looked up to, the one that had (according to various sources) changed the Uchiha inside out without even trying, who had changed _Konoha_ before even leaving the academy, could wear beads in her hair, discuss romantic fantasies with her girl friend, and still be considered respectable, then Izumi-chan could be girly and still kick ass too.

Izumi hadn't known how much of an impact this would have on her life, but now that she knew the extent to which her life had become _lighter_ , she couldn't be more grateful that Akito-nee-sama existed.

So when that amazing, wonderful girl had asked _her_ to remind her of a date that was otherwise insignificant, then Izumi had enough respect for her to not ask any questions, even though she was _dying_ to know.

However, when she had told Akito-nee-sama that the next day was the tenth of October, when she saw the way all colour had drained out of Akito-nee-sama's face, when she saw the slight tremble in her hands, when she saw her dilated pupils and silent mumbles of "no, no, no"...

Izumi decided that she didn't want to know.

Not because she wasn't curious, but because she couldn't bring herself to ask Akito-nee-sama. Because it looked like she might cry if prodded.

And in that moment, Akito-nee-sama was so _fragile_.

And in that instant, she was no longer a guardian angel-warrior.

She was a guardian human.

"Thank you, Izumi-chan."

Izumi placed a hand on Akito-nee-sama's shoulder and said, "Stay here. I'll go get Shisui-san."

Akito-nee-sama forestalled her with a shake of her head.

"No, that's fine Izumi-chan. _I'm_ fine. No need to bother Shisui-chan. He'll probably be at my house anyway."

"Are you sure?" asked Izumi in concern.

Akito-nee-sama smiled at her, and if Izumi had been any less observant, she wouldn't have noticed the new shadow in her eyes and would have happily carried on believing that she _was_ fine.

"Really, don't worry about it. It's just been a long day, that's all," she said, and then straightened her back bracingly and smiled again, and this time there were no shadows darkening her already-pitch-black eyes. "Why don't you head on home. You look completely out of breath, and I'll bet you haven't finished the homework Otouto's been pouting about."

Izumi blushed, all thoughts of Akito-nee-sama's reaction swept away from her mind.

"Hai, Akito-nee-sama! I'll get right to it."

And with a pat on her head, Akito-nee-sama left her there and entered her home.

Izumi began planning the essay that was due in tomorrow, making her way home. It would be years before she looked back on this day and decided that, yes, this was the moment that _really_ changed her life. Forever.

* * *

 _9_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1740 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Home of the Uchiha Clan Head_

Uchiha Itachi was a very complex individual.

He had this strange duality of being both far too caring and being utterly aloof; of loving too deeply and feeling apathetic to his loved ones' plights; of having faith in humanity and despairing at their self-inflicted doom; of loving Konoha and hating it at the same time.

Itachi would be the first person to admit he wasn't the easiest person to get along with, and he would maintain that he could come off as arrogant and condescending. Sometimes, it was because he genuinely _was_ condescending, and he actually _did_ feel superior to most.

He'd spent a good hour working out whether it was a bad thing that he did, and he had concluded that, actually, no. Humility would not serve him anywhere, and the only reason he could think of that would make feeling superior a negative aspect of his character was if he let that stop him from identifying and improving on his flaws. And Itachi, even at his 'tender' age of five, wasn't one to shy away from his shortcomings.

Itachi knew that he lacked a certain charisma that endeared people to his Okaa-san, Aneki, Otouto, Shisui-nii and even his Otou-san (to a certain extent), and he had realised a long time ago that he could either get jealous and bitter about it, or accept it as a fact of life and move on from it.

It had been a bitter pill to swallow at a very young age, that he could never be perfectly assured of what his fellow humans actually saw him as, that he could read people easily but that _they_ could never read _him_ quite as easily, because he was…

He was not relatable.

And yet, his ideas were very charismatic, so much so that when people got over his uncharismatic personality, they couldn't help but be drawn to him like bees to honey. His ideas of peace, his notions on violence and their justifiability, his interest and understanding of history and its applicability to everyday life…many people had been ensnared by this dangerously alluring charm of his, and it had soothed his inner demon.

Itachi had, of course, hypothesised that all humans had demons. He'd heard and read the phrase often enough to understand it to be common knowledge, but he'd concluded that, actually, every human had only one demon, and that this demon was as alive as the individuals that had them themselves were. Itachi saw the demon to be all the suppressed emotions of an individual, all the facets of a character that society frowned upon, all the memories an individual would rather forget, all of those things combined into one animalistic being that allowed humans to be rational.

All of their primitiveness, their baseness, was kept at bay because it was absorbed by this demon inside them, and for some, it got to such an extent that the demon took over the individual, became _more_ than the individual, and consumed them.

This, Itachi surmised, was madness.

It wasn't many five year olds that thought so deeply about the very nature of human beings and their duality, but Itachi had never been normal.

In another world, perhaps that would have made him unhappy; perhaps he would have isolated himself and hidden his true self under an nth number of masks to ward off others, before they realised how _in_ human he was, that he ought to be locked up really because he was _mad mad madmad_ madm _a_ _ **d**_ _ **ma**_ **dmad** —

But that was not the case for Itachi, sometimes known as Itachi-chama or Otouto. Itachi, instead, was allowed to be slightly mad, because "everyone's a little bit mental, ne Otouto?" Here, Itachi knew that "normal" was relative, and that his odd theories, his introspective bouts, his "madness", were just a part of what made him Itachi.

And he was loved anyway, so what did it matter if sometimes he couldn't bear to see his own reflection in the mirror because his eyes _reflected_ his objective callousness?

No, Itachi was, considering how well he fit into the mad genius stereotype, as un-anti-social and reclusive as he could be.

He had a best friend, he had several acquaintances, he was friends with some people from the District playground and his table partner, Seki-kun, and he had the Kami-blessed ability to make mindless small talk with people of lesser intelligence.

In short, even with his complexities, Itachi was _functional_.

And most days, he could look in the mirror and appreciate himself without feeling like gouging his own eyes out.

It wasn't that Itachi hated himself, not really. It was more to do with the fact that he knew he should be doing _more_. He should be, because he had both the brain capacity, the vision, and the _power_ to do so, to make the world a better place.

Because when you have the power to make a difference and you don't, and then something goes wrong, it's your fault.*

So Itachi had both a superiority complex and a sense of self-hatred, as well as being uncharismatically charismatic and madly sane.

He would go so far as to say that, most of the time, he couldn't understand _himself_ , because Kami-sama he was confusing!

But that wasn't what was important right now.

Because his Aneki had walked through the door, and he'd fed his Otouto too much milk in his distraction and now his baby brother's bib was soaked with undrunk milk, and something _wasn't right_.

"Aneki?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice as he saw his elder sister's figure from where he was sitting.

She didn't have slumped shoulders, she didn't have any sort of _odd_ look in her face or her eyes, and there was nothing discernibly wrong with her.

But Itachi knew something _was_ wrong, even if there was **no** indication that anything was wrong.

"What's wrong?" Straight to the point, because Aneki spoke roundabout with people outside the house, but never within. It was one of those things that made home special.

"Nothing, Otouto. I'm fine," she said with a smile, taking off her sandals and walking up to them.

His Otouto was asleep, his face peaceful and covered with milk. _I'm going to have to clean this mess up, or it'll get sticky_ , he thought distractedly as Aneki thudded next to him.

She kissed his forehead and tucked a strand of his chin-length hair behind his ear, before bending down and doing the same with the youngest.

"You're not fine," he said.

"Can we not acknowledge the elephant in the room, please?" she said, not looking at him.

And Itachi let it go, because he knew his Aneki knew her limits, and he'd asked, had shown his concern, and now no longer needed to bother pestering.

In fact, he altogether stopped worrying.

Because Itachi was a very complex person, but never once had his relationship with his Aneki been complicated. If she said that she was dealing with it (in her own special way of course), then she _would_ deal with it.

He trusted her. It was as simple as that.

Love, he understood, didn't have to be complicated if you didn't want it to be.

* * *

 _Two Hours Ago_

 _9_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1540 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
En Route to the Uzumaki-Namikaze Apartment  
_

Uchiha Mikoto had been friends with Uzumaki Kushina since both girls had been in the academy, when Kushina had been Tomato-face and Mikoto had been Precious-Princess. They had had fights over the years, had made up over the years, had fought in countless battles and protected each other's backs over the years, and not once had they regretted sticking around each other, even when Kushina had smashed Mikoto's wedding cake because she disapproved of the "stuck up prickly fish-faced lily-livered stoned anal crab with a walking stick and garlic for brains!", also known as the would-be husband.

Mikoto's head had been swimming with half-formed thoughts, mild regrets, anger and _some animal clawing the insides of her stomach, filling her throat with acid and bile_ , and who better to talk to than the best friend that had been with her every step of the way?

So she walked the quarter of a mile distance between their houses, sashaying past the stalls and mutterings and wolf-whistles, and ignoring the looks of hate and pity directed at her with her head held high. The sky was a cornflower blue, the sun was ineffectual, the air was crisp, and Mikoto breathed but couldn't enjoy it, because every time she even touched on what she wanted to talk about, she felt like crying.

In fact, many a night when her husband worked late and her two sons were asleep and her daughter was out at goodness-knows o'clock, Mikoto _had_ cried. She'd sobbed into her pillow, letting out the never-ending anguish and self-pity that she felt, because she was _human and allowed to cry and it made her_ such _a bad person but she was_ not _sorry, never, never, never!_

By the time her husband came home every night, and her daughter had finished ribbing him in the way he would only ever allow _Akito-chan_ to, Mikoto had dried her tears, employed an undetectable genjutsu to hide the signs of her cowardice, and welcomed her husband home.

 _Every. Damn. Night_.

Because _she_ was the mistress of the house, and _she_ was the adult, and _she_ wasn't allowed to be weak because weakness was frowned upon, weakness was not forgiven, weakness meant you were useless, weakness meant you could be _replaced_.

Her mother had taught her _that_ lesson a long time ago. And every time she'd seen her father come home with the scent of another cloyingly sticking to him, she'd clenched her teeth and remembered it well.

But Kushina had taught her that, if it was with Kushina, Mikoto could afford to be a little weak, a little mean, a little _not perfect_.

She knocked on her best friend's door and in a few moments, it was opened by the constant sun of her life. "Miko-chan! Come on in, I was just going to have some tea!"

Mikoto smiled gratefully and entered the spacious apartment, and unbidden, her mind compared it to her own home.

Mikoto had never known that this condescending part of her was a bad thing until Kushina had told her so, and when she mentally, _instinctively_ , mocked her best friend's choice in decoration, well.

Mikoto was not one to hate herself. But feel inadequate? She could do it like the best of them.

Kushina told her to take a seat and then joined her after a spell, bringing a teapot and two cups on a tray for her best friend. "You look like a cloud's been raining on you all day, Miko-chan. What's up?"

Mikoto smiled genuinely. _Trust Kushina to get to the meat of things without me even speaking._

"It's nothing."

Mikoto wasn't, of course, as blasé as that. She would wait and bring the ensuing conversation to her point sooner or later, but she could never jump around conversation topics like her friend could. Besides, she had yet to figure out exactly _how_ she was going to verbalise what she wanted to say. "How is the pregnancy going?"

Kushina gave her a visceral grin. "Peachy! I can't feel my feet, my bladder's acting up, I _waddle_ when I walk, I can't _see_ my toes, my ankles are _killing_ me, Minato's a dick, and I keep waking up every half hour damnit and I want to _sleep!_ Kushina likes sleep. Kushina needs sleep. Kushina wants the baby to stop kicking or I'll fucking rip his legs off his body! What about you?"

Mikoto suppressed a smirk and teased, "Peachy myself. I had a nice, relaxing bath before heading over here, did the laundry, read a book, went through my kata in the backyard, mowed the lawn…you know, lots of physical activities, not many bathroom breaks…"

Kushina threw her a dirty look. "You know what, Miko-chan? Fuck you!"

Mikoto giggled at her best friend, already feeling some of the choking pressure lessen around her throat. Kushina muttered assorted dark threats under her breath, some involving quite inventive applications of ribbons and cat entrails. Mikoto mentally took note of exactly how Kushina planned on using the chopping board to gut a llama and nail said guts to the Hokage monument, right under her husband's nose (both literally and figuratively).

"That's a lot of abuse you're intending on dishing out. I thought you were a staunch supporter of animal rights."

"Lies!" said Kushina. "If it can move, it can fucking fight for itself, and if it can't fight well enough, sucks to be it!"

Mikoto hummed in amusement, well aware that Kushina was more likely to adopt the animal instead of eat it, being an on-again off-again vegetarian (depending on how sympathetic and insane she felt). "Is that so?"

Kushina's expression changed suddenly and she levelled Mikoto with a look. "Okay, enough of the obligatory foreplay. If you can't find the words, then spit it out like it comes in your head."

"We've known each other far too long," said Mikoto with a sigh before nodding.

Kushina put her cup of tea down and placed her arms on her bulging stomach. "Speak, woman."

Mikoto hesitated for a bit, not understanding how she ought to begin. "I…you know Akito-chan."

Kushina gave her an are-you-losing-your-shit-girl? look and said, "She comes over nearly every week. I think I know her, but that might just be me."

Mikoto ploughed on. "Then you must know…how…annoying she is."

Kushina blinked in confusion. "I'm not following."

Mikoto decided to try a different angle. "All my life, I've been told to follow…no, that's not right...from the minute I was born, my mother has decided everything in my life, from my food intake to my clothes to my friends to how long I should let my hair grow to what kind of shampoo I ought to use. I hated it, more than anything else…being controlled by someone else. I promised myself I would never do that to my daughter, to my children, because they were their own people and it _crippled_ me, the lack of independence. It made me vulnerable in a world where I had to learn to stand on my own two feet. I promised myself that I would never let that happen."

Kushina nodded, indicating she was listening, her left hand slightly clenching to show how angry she was at what Mikoto's mother's actions had done to her.

"My mother always spoke for me, always decided what my opinions should be, what I _ought_ to say, who I ought to speak to…she nit-picked my flaws in public, told everyone who praised me what a 'menace' I was at home…she dominated my very _existence_. When she was around, I might as well have not existed, for all the recognition I got."

Mikoto sighed, rubbing the tears that had fallen down her face, unbidden, at the memory of the woman she had both loved and hated.

"When Akito-chan was born, I told myself I wouldn't be like her, that I would be better, that I'd _let_ my daughter shine because my mother never let _me_."

She took a shuddering breath. "I could never understand _why_ my mother always belittled me and made me feel small, because I was _her daughter_ , wasn't I? I was her flesh and blood; why would she need to outshine me? These past few months though…I think I can finally understand why."

Kushina's eyes widened. "Miko-chan?"

Mikoto didn't acknowledge her best friend, eyes staring solemnly at her still cup of tea.

"Before Akito-chan, when people came to the house, they usually came to meet _me_ ; now, not even _one_ of my friends or family or acquaintances comes over without asking "where's Akito-hime?", and when I tell them she isn't home because she's _never_ home during the day, they look all disappointed and some even outright _leave_ without even saying "sorry for wasting your time", or "excuse me", because _of course_ , I'm just the automated doormat that disappoints everyone!"

Mikoto gulped, her eyes watering with frustration and pain, because dammit, she had _never_ been first! When she was a child, it was her mother, when it was her teenage years, it was Kushina, and now that she was into adulthood and her prime, it was her own _daughter_. Mikoto…she was never first, never the shiny new toy people wanted…always, _always_ the last toy on the shelf that gathered dust, because people around her were so much more fascinating, so much more captivating and bright and _bold_.

Mikoto didn't hate herself. She figured that she didn't need yet _another_ person to do that.

"Shujin-sama listens to her first, always listens to Akito-chan, because _of course_ she's right, even about things _she_ says she has no idea about! Itachi-chan goes to _her_ with all his problems and goes to _her_ for hugs and kisses and gives _her_ the pieces of art he makes at school!"

And sometimes he gave things to Mikoto, but even Mikoto knew that, in her eldest son's heart, she came second to his precious Aneki. Always, _always_ second.

"The clan adores her, the children of nearly every person I've even _glanced_ at rally around her, the adults all pay attention to her like as if she's the second coming of Senju Hashirama—"

Kushina interrupted her. "Miko-chan, she kind of _worked_ for that dattebane. You've _seen_ her work for it! You sat on this very sofa two years ago and told me how worried you were about how much she was overworking herself! You _know—_ "

"That's not the point!" Mikoto half-yelled, wanting to get all the words out now that the dam had burst.

Kushina let her, because Mikoto was the type that, once she'd said all that she wanted to say, she would be fine, would start working to get over her hang-ups, because that was just who Miko-chan _was_. She would rant, she would spill her darkest thoughts, and then she would forget about them, feel lighter about it, and _get over it_.

But Kushina found this time especially hard, because the last time Mikoto had ranted about a human, it had been Fugu-face, and she'd never really liked Fugu-face all that much _anyway_. Akito though…Aki-chan was her goddaughter, and she was brave and funny and honest. She was everything Kushina loved about humanity in general, and so it was _hard_ for her to sit and not say anything, which was what Mikoto needed her to do right now.

So she tried to stay silent. Because that's what best friends do.

"She hasn't worked _half_ as hard as I did at her age, and she just _learns_ things like as if they're the alphabet! Representatives from the medic corps have been banging on my door this past month asking me to hand out _recruitment_ leaflets to a seven year old not even out of the academy!"

Mikoto let out an almost hysterical laugh. "She can actually _understand_ that medical jargon! And fine, okay, so she's good at medical stuff, fine, I was good at genjutsu too, just like that, but she's good at ninjutsu and taijutsu and chakra control too! And profiling and interrogation and espionage and tracking and—it's not fair!"

"Now you just sound like a two year old," Kushina said dryly.

Mikoto screeched mentally, not knowing how to convey what it felt like to be outshone by her own _seven year old_ daughter, a girl who looked at her as just-another-one-of-those-people, because Mikoto knew the girl had a list of people she wanted to protect and…Mikoto was her _mother_.

 _Mikoto_ was supposed to be doing the protecting, _not_ the other way round! Even without meaning to, her daughter was looking down on her, just like her mother had done, just like her husband was doing time and time again by not listening to her, just like her Itachi-chan was doing by going to someone else for affection and reassurance and _a mother's love_ —

"Sasuke does it too," Mikoto said, and she didn't notice Kushina's confused glance. "

Sasuke, who was supposed to be _mine_ , the only child I could have because I'd already given the clan an heiress _and_ an heir. Sasuke was supposed to be mine to raise, Sasuke was _my_ baby, _my_ turn to be a proper mother from the very beginning to the very end, but _of course not_ , because he's formed such a deep attachment to her, to Akito-chan, and I—it…hasn't she taken enough from me?! It's gotten to the point where no one says, 'oh, that's Uchiha Itachi, Mikoto's son', or even, 'oh that's Uchiha Itachi, Fugaku's son', _oh no_! Now it's 'oh, there's Mikoto, _Akito-hime's mother_ ', 'there's Itachi, _Akito-hime's brother_ , 'oh, that's Fugaku, _Akito-hime's father who just, on a side note, happens to run the KMPF, but_ _ **that doesn't matter! So long as you remember he's**_ _ **Akito-hime's**_ _**father, you're fucking golden!"**_

Kushina looked stricken. "M-Miko-chan!"

Mikoto was sobbing now, the tears creating tracks of salt crystals down her pale cheeks, her eyes blurred because _why?_ She didn't _want_ to not like her daughter, but she just couldn't help it!

"And now, even the other clans have realised that Akito-chan is the _real_ power behind the Uchiha name, because guess what?!" Mikoto yelled hysterically, all decorum having flown out of the window a long time ago.

"Akimichi Kimi invited _my daughter_ instead of _me_ , _**me**_ , the Uchiha _Matriarch_ , for the first 'Breaking of Bread' ritual between our clans since the tension died down! I mean, I get that Akito-chan actually got the two clans over the fighting, but that just basically means that _a_ _seven year old_ has more political clout than I do! I—I can't do this anymore!"

Kushina quickly moved forward and hugged the sobbing woman, who was still mumbling incoherently, the stress really getting to her. _How long has this been eating away at her?_ Kushina thought sadly, stroking her best friend's hair comfortingly.

 _Right_ , thought Kushina bracingly. _Now that she's vented her feelings, it's my job to bring her back to reality. And then, once I've given her the hard facts, we'll move onto actual problem-solving. And before you know it, Miko-chan will be back to normal, and Aki-chan will be none-the-wiser about her mother's thoughts about her._

Kushina nodded to herself and pulled out of the hug.

"Sometimes, I wish that girl had never been born!" vented Mikoto.

Kushina grimaced. _Reel her in with a sharp tug Kushina!_ "Get over it then Miko-chan, because my goddaughter isn't going _anywhere_."

Mikoto's eyes narrowed. Kushina mentally grinned in triumph. _Yup, now she'll start arguing with me, and I'll win because I'm awesome and no one can win an argument against me, and then she'll start apologising, and then we can do our nails and exchange baby-raising tips!_

Mikoto hissed, "You don't _get_ it, Kushina. If you had a daughter like her—"

"Akito-chan?" said Minato.

 _Huh?_ Kushina froze for a second. _When did Minato get back? Wait—did he just say…_

Mikoto, her eyes rimmed with red and head swimming with thoughts, paled the moment she registered her best friend's husband's words.

Both women turned their heads to the doorway, and Mikoto could have cried. Well, cried more.

Her beautiful, _too perfect_ , vivacious daughter stood in the doorway, one hand clutching the door frame as though in an aborted move to enter the room. Her dark eyes were wide and _pained_ , frozen, and her small mouth was trembling.

Mikoto couldn't think, couldn't breathe, because all that was going round and round in her head was _what have I done?_

Akito-chan ran, ran and Minato ran behind her, Kushina screaming something or another at him, but Mikoto couldn't _breathe_.

"Don't worry Miko-chan," said Kushina reassuringly, rubbing Mikoto's back in a calming gesture. "Minato'll speak to her dattebane! And you'll go home and talk things out with her and—"

"No!" Mikoto panicked. She glared at Kushina. "What do you mean, _talk things out with her?_ You want me to _tell_ her about this? Forget it!"

Because Mikoto was an Uchiha, and she could be stubborn with the best of them.

Kushina tried for another half an hour to get Mikoto to see reason.

"You two live in the same house! You can't just _avoid_ this Miko-chan!"

"She's not home most of the time anyway."

She tried again and again and again and _again_ , but Mikoto wouldn't hear anything of it. Kushina cursed mentally, because she knew that if Akito hadn't heard that, hadn't interrupted, then Mikoto would have been well on her way to recovery from her mental demons. Added to the fact was that Akito, well, probably wouldn't get over this one, because how could Kushina explain that, yes, her mother genuinely thought these dark things about her and, yes, her mother still loved her _anyway_.

Mikoto was _not_ helping matters with her stubborn pride.

Minato returned to the apartment, presumably to collect whatever it was he'd forgotten to pick up that he'd come there for in the first place.

He took one look at Mikoto, saw the stubborn, unrepentant set of her face, and he couldn't, _wouldn't_ stand for it anymore.

"Miko-chan! She's a little kid who thinks her mother hates her! You go talk to her right now or I'll—"

"Save it, Kushina," said Minato, his eyes hard. "You can't force people to stop acting like idiots."

He turned to Mikoto, her eyes wide at the reprimand he'd given her. Kushina tried to intervene. "Minato, you don't know the whole story! There's more to it than—"

"Get out of my house," Minato said.

"Minato!" screamed Kushina.

"Please," he said as an afterthought.

And Mikoto, her heart hurting, her head aching, her eyes swollen, but her back straight, gracefully got up and left her last safe haven.

Mikoto was now well and truly alone.

And it was all Akito's fault.

 _(It was all my fault. Why couldn't I be a better mother? Why couldn't I be a better wife? Why couldn't I be a better daughter? Why couldn't I be a better friend?_

 _Why couldn't I be a better human?)_

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 0300 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Residence of the Uchiha Clan Head_

Kabuto alighted on the window sill and knocked once. He saw movement from inside Akito's room and waited patiently on the boughs of the closest tree.

Akito came and opened the window, rubbing her eyes sleepily, and went back inside.

Kabuto alighted on the window sill once more and climbed into the room, as silently as a wraith.

He took his mask off as Akito smiled at him sleepily, her baby brother in her arms sucking on a bottle greedily.

"Welcome home, Kabuto."

Kabuto gave her a close approximation to a smile and waited for her to finish feeding Sasuke. Once she'd done that, she got up to put him back in his crib, pulling his blanket over him gently and tucking him in.

Before she could turn around, Kabuto had grabbed her fiercely, hugging with all the strength he could muster.

Akito, bless her heart, just let him, soothingly rubbing his arms in an effort to comfort him.

Akito was his anchor.

Kabuto was pretty sure he would have cracked a long time ago if he hadn't had Akito to go back home to.

"I'm home."

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 0550 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Ha no Hiroba (Plaza of the Leaf), Apartment F, Fourth Floor_

In an apartment that looked fairly standard for Hi no Kuni architecture, slept a family of three.

The Umino residence looked as though a hurricane had passed through it, felt bad about messing up the place, gone back to sort of fix it up a bit, messed it up even worse, and had then promptly given up and gone its merry way.

The parents slept soundly under their snug duvet, the father's snores in tandem with the mother's kicking feet.

Their ten year old son, on the other hand, was the furthest away from soundly asleep as anyone could get.

Umino Iruka's room looked like the birthplace of the aforementioned hurricane, with toys, books, scrolls and inkwells cluttering the desk, the side table and a good portion of the bed, dust bunnies breeding by the millions, bed cover tossed to the floor, clothes lazily balled up in a corner and thrown about, piles of both clean and dirty laundry practically leaking from their shelves…

And amid the chaos, Iruka clenched and unclenched his sheets, his eyes roaming behind his eyelids madly, sweat beading down his forehead and dampening his neck, his face twisted in a fearful grimace.

In Iruka's mind, colours were flashing and fire was burning too close to his face and claws were searing his flesh, trailing down his neck and seeping into his very _soul and everyone was screaming and yelling and their eyes were so_ dark and frightening and _merciless and—_

Abruptly, his eyes snapped open, his body drenched in cold sweat.

He sat up and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart, trying to forget the sensations the dream had awakened in him once again.

Iruka stayed on the bed for a while, the sun finally rising properly and the birds beginning their daily chirping at his window.

He remembered the Ten Minute Riot vividly, but more than that, he remembered what it had been like _before_ the Ten Minute Riot.

 _Was it really just ten minutes?_ he thought fleetingly.

He remembered being out in the village centre with Mizuki and a couple of his classmates, all of them heading home after a day of playing and training. He remembered wondering whether his parents were back from their missions yet, and whether he'd have to ask their elderly civilian neighbour to cook him something. He remembered Mizuki calling his hairstyle stupid and retaliating with a shove of his shoulders. He remembered Mizuki grinning at him in the way only irritating good friends do, and he remembered grinning back, because Mizuki had been calling his hairstyle stupid since the day they'd met at the academy five years ago, when Mizuki had been in his fourth year at the academy and Iruka had thought he was the coolest thing ever.

He remembered the scuffle between that Uchiha guy and those other people (he had later been informed that they were Akimichi and Hyuuga clan members, although at the time, only the Uchiha was recognisable to him), and he remembered thinking that this was just another one of those altercations that had been happening in the village for as long as he could remember.

Then another person had become involved, and then suddenly there was an all-out riot, and almost immediately he'd been spilt away from his friends.

There were swords and kunai clashing, steel upon steel grinding against each other and setting off sparks, children screaming for their parents, parents screaming for their children, and Iruka was so _scared_.

Even though he'd be graduating this year, Iruka was still terrified, and he didn't think that was a good indication of how he'd take the more visceral aspects of his soon-to-be occupation.

A large beefy man, who had once been the local blacksmith but had now become the monster in his closet, had roared at this hideously beautiful woman, her face having become distorted and unrecognisable in her anger. "May all your corpses rot in Izanami-sama's retreat!"

Iruka had flinched, he remembered, because to wish someone to the world of the dead just wasn't done in Konoha, because it was an open secret that nothing good awaited murderers like shinobi. It was cruel and mean, and Okaa-san would have had his hide if he'd even _thought_ of saying that to someone.

You didn't even tell your enemies that, not really.

The woman had screeched back at him, "I'll see you there, Traitor!"

Iruka's vision of the two of them had then become obscured, the taijutsu battle the two had been locked in forever inconclusive in his mind. Bodies had pressed against him, screams had rent the air, and angry howls had split the skies.

Iruka's hands had trembled, and his breaths had been coming out in gasps, and suddenly, there was fire.

Fire, fire heading right towards him, fire searing his face with its condensed heat, fire dancing in front of his eyes like a macabre god, beckoning him to his death. It was strangely alluring and devastating at the same time, and Iruka remembered not even trying to move.

He remembered a black blur darting towards him, and he remembered a bigger fire blooming from a girl's mouth that had swallowed his death sentence, the two fires eating each other and snuffing out into nothingness. And he remembered the girl coming to him, and he remembered thinking that she was the most awe-inspiring goddess of death he'd ever seen.

When he recalled the first time he'd seen her, his mind conjured bold black wings framing her small body, the shine in her eyes turning the pupils a scorching silver that quenched all fires in his mind.

When he'd seen her again a few days after the riot, he'd been thoroughly disappointed.

The dark angel who had saved his life had stood in front him, her back to him, arguing with people twice her size and more than four times her age, and Iruka couldn't stop his vision from swimming. He'd seen his life flash before his eyes, and his knuckles had been white (he remembered that with sharp clarity) and they'd held onto the dark fabric adorning Kami-sama's guardian.

Harsh words were thrown and still the girl had stood her ground, never wavering, never faltering, and then Iruka remembered the world trembling as dozens, _hundreds_ , of little feet and large feet pounded the streets and _swarmed_ the dark angel. Two of them had come directly towards her, and Iruka hadn't known whether they were hostiles are not. One placed an arm on her shoulder and the shorter one had held her hand, and Iruka still couldn't stop trembling, even a month later.

The blood had been rushing in his ears, and everything had gone blurry, and his breath had been coming out in ragged gasps as his knuckles had turned whiter and whiter. But Iruka had, inexplicably, felt safe in the centre of the hundreds of bodies that had stood guard around him, protecting him from the monsters that had once been human.

He remembered more people joining his dark angel's side, and he remembered her soft touch as she called him brave.

He remembered his mother and father hugging him, and he remembered her waving him goodbye with a smile that calmed his rapidly beating heart.

It would be a long time before Iruka could stand in the middle of a crowd without becoming jittery.

It would be a long time before Iruka could look at his local blacksmith without flinching.

It would be a long time before Iruka could gaze at a fire without dark suicidal thoughts swarming his mind.

But he would never forget the dark angel's voice whispering into his heart.

" _Well done Iruka-kun. You were_ so _brave."_

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 0900 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Evil Lair of Shimura Danzou/ROOT Debriefing Chamber_

Shimura Danzou was not a stupid man.

Quite contrary to that, he was quite intelligent. Brutal, devious, clinical, but intelligent.

It was a crisp autumn day, and a sense of foreboding thrummed alongside the blood in his veins. He looked up from the scroll he was perusing, his mind and body both restless for the first time in decades. The latest recruits for ROOT initiation flinched as his gaze landed upon them.

Danzou frowned. He would clearly have to see to it that the fear impulse was removed from their minds entirely if they were to be useful to the foundation.

Even though his eyes did not stray to the far right, he knew that was exactly where one of his more troubling cases was stationed.

 _Kabuto the Orphan,_ thought Danzou. _Exactly whose side are you on?_

Danzou was a man that didn't let betrayal slide, but he wasn't blind; Kabuto was probably one of the more useful members of ROOT, being one of the minority of combat ready medic-nin. Shinobi of that skill set were hard to come by after all, and training another to be as proficient as him would be an exercise in futility, of that he was sure.

But his failure with the assassination of the Uchiha heiress was troubling. Kabuto's conditioning had clearly not been thorough enough, and that would have to be rectified soon. Yet, this failure of his conditioning was…disquieting. And he was certain the Uchiha heiress had something to do with it.

It had been nagging at him for months now, and Danzou was glad he'd taken action to… _prevent_ the heiress from interfering with his business ever again, however unknowingly she might have done it to begin with.

Her suggestions had even led the green-horned Yondaime to keep a very close watch on all the orphanages and care centres in the village and surrounding towns. It had led to…several unwanted setbacks in recruitment.

In fact, the man he'd been most interested in had just had a son, but because of this extra scrutiny, he would no longer be able to obtain the kekkai genkai that allowed the creator to infuse their chakra with liquids of any composition imaginable.

Danzou was…displeased with the current status quo, and he had concluded quite objectively that the girl needed to be eliminated.

He'd already installed one of his younger, less emotionally desensitised agents at the academy, and soon, his efforts to prune the metaphorical weed would bear fruit.

It was unfortunate that he could not off her immediately, but the fact of the matter was that the girl had become far too _important_ , both to the people and to the Hokage, for him to try any of his usual methods.

It would lead to anarchy, and Danzou did not want Konoha destabilised.

No, Danzou was going to have to remove this weed with patience.

And he was a very patient man.

The restlessness had not dissipated. Danzou was worried for his beloved Konoha.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1000 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Sarutobi Residence  
_

Only a few minutes ago, Sarutobi Hiruzen had been peacefully perusing an old scroll and smoking his pipe, content with the day.

Only a few minutes ago, Sarutobi Biwako had been happily buzzing about the place.

However, this was not a few minutes ago.

"I won't allow it," Hiruzen commanded, his voice threaded with a raspy edge.

His wife looked at him evenly and said, "Hiruzen, my Hokage has requested my assistance. I will not be stopped."

Hiruzen looked at her sharply from where he was sitting. "And you will not tell me what he wants you to do, even now?"

Biwako nodded. "It is none of your concern."

Biwako would not tell him that she'd been asked to be the midwife for the Hokage's wife, Konoha's jinchuuriki.

Her husband was in no fit state to listen to her rationally. Besides…

She was worried about him. The man had always had a firm grip on his temper, but these days, he was losing it far too frequently for her liking. She'd subtly looked for any genjutsu or seals affecting his behaviour but…

She'd shared her concerns with the only student of his that hadn't decided to abandon Konoha, and he'd promised he'd look into it.

Orochimaru was smart; he'd figure it out, Biwako was sure.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1800 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Residence of the Uchiha Clan Head_

I tried, really I tried, to get my mind off the impending doom I was sure was about to happen.

I mean, what's the point in worrying about it, right?

Right.

It was one of those slow days today, where Bunko-sensei taught us things that made us want to go to sleep, taijutsu lessons were a pain in places not quite polite enough to mention, and the Kunoichi Classes _from hell_ were so…ugh, that I actually spaced out _while_ Yuwaku-sensei was standing right in front of me, letting me know quite loudly why the begonias weren't supposed to be crushed for their nectar.

She said something about them not _having_ any, but you never know unless you try, right?

Anyway, I was home early today because, not only was everyone out of the house and someone needed to stay in with Sa-chan until Itachi-touto came back from his day out with Koki-chan, but I also couldn't bring myself to traipse through the village and make civil conversation with people today.

You know those days where you feel like you need to recharge your batteries because you're _spent_? Yeah, this was one of those days.

In fact, it was such a _normal_ day that I frequently kept forgetting that it was the tenth of October.

Kabuto had come back from his mission late last night, and then had to report to the ROOT HQ as soon as daylight properly touched the Hokage monument. He, of course, promised to get me some sweets when he got back, so I was looking forward to that.

Kami-sama, it's a miracle I don't have any cavities, considering just how much sugary stuff I ingest!

Okaa-san and I…it hasn't even been a proper day since I overheard _that_ , and I don't think I've even seen her today. She went upstairs after making breakfast and because I was late for school (again), I didn't take much notice of it. Then school happened, and by the time I got back home, she had already gone out to do the grocery shopping and she hasn't come back yet. If she's avoiding me or just hasn't gotten the opportunity to talk to me, I don't know. I'm not even sure I want to talk, but...

I miss Okaa-san.

I think I'll always miss Okaa-san, even when we _do_ make up.

If we make up.

Uchiha can be stubborn like that, unfortunately. Good thing I wasn't born one, or we'd probably have had a shouting match by now, with or without the opportunity.

I was sitting next to a gurgling Sa-chan, gently prodding his tummy to make him laugh, and he was emitting that laughter that only babies seem to manage, and it made me laugh too.

I was giggling, and my baby brother was giggling, and when Itachi-touto came back home, he started giggling seeing us giggling.

And then the giggling stopped.

I mean, my brothers still were, Itachi-touto having propped his head on one of his arms as he lay next to Sa-chan, but something cold had trickled down my spine.

"Otouto," I said, my voice commanding.

He sat up immediately and looked at me.

"Start the evacuation for this district. Spread the word, _now_."

And Itachi-touto, even though I'd given him no reason for letting over eighty families know that they needed to evacuate to the shelters, did exactly as I said without question.

I picked up Sa-chan, who was whining and wriggling, sensing the change in atmosphere, and headed out the door, directly to the Konoha Military Police Force Headquarters.

As fast as I could go without actually running, I marched through the building, bowing once in a while to the dozens of people that did the same, and knocked on Otou-san's office door.

"Come in," he called, and only years of indoctrinated grace stopped me from slamming the door open.

"Otou-san," I said with a steely edge to my voice I didn't know I was capable of, causing him to look up with startled alacrity. "Something big's coming. Please start the evacuation process."

Instead of arguing with me like I was sure he was going to (because I was giving him nothing but a hunch to work with, and the Uchiha couldn't afford to make mistakes in the current political climate, especially because false evacuations were time-consuming, expensive and damaging to the economy, for various reasons. If my hunch turned out to be wrong, I could literally have single-handedly destroyed _all_ the progress I'd made with _everything_ , from the bonds I'd forged with my family to the ties I'd made with the Orphanage. But it was worth it, because better safe than sorry), he nodded and sounded the alarm.

Within moments, the KMPF was mobilising and units were being sent out to various parts of the village to begin the evacuation process, some heading towards the Hokage Tower to inform the Hokage that an evacuation had been called.

But I knew Minato-sama wouldn't _be_ there; he'd be in a safe house with Kushina-ba-chan, holding the Kyuubi at bay as his wife gave birth to the protagonist of the series.

Most of the members of the KMPF didn't question their orders, but some did, and Otou-san was dealing with it in the only way he knew how: pulling rank.

But unlike the KMPF, I realised as I headed towards the Uchiha Senbei to help Teyaki-ji-san with Ine-chan, other people weren't as well-trained to follow orders.

"What's going on?!" screeched a Yamanaka at one of the KMPF.

"Yeah, you can't just order an evacuation without Hokage-sama's express permission," growled an Inuzuka, and really, I get it.

I get it.

But at the same time, the feeling of _something's going to go so so so very wrong Akito, get them out of here!_ hadn't gone away. In fact, it had gotten worse.

I've never done anything on just a hunch before. Like, okay, maybe fix what was bothering people on a hunch, or ticking option 'c' in a multiple choice test paper on a hunch, but I'd never done anything as major as call a village-wide evacuation on a hunch.

But needs must, right?

Right.

"Aki-senpai?" asked Shisui-chan, heading towards me from where rows of people were trudging towards the evacuation points. "I saw Itachi-chama on the way here."

I nodded. "Yeah, I asked for the evacuation. But not everyone's heard about it, not even in just this district. Help me."

He looked at my eyes searchingly for a moment, looking for _something_ , although what it was was anyone's guess.

"Okay," he said finally. "But you'll tell me why when this is over."

And I nodded, because what else could I do?

He left after giving me a dazzling smile that dazed me for a moment, before I headed to the eastern part of my district, choosing to follow my own advice instead of going to check on Teyaki-ji-san.

And the seconds continued ticking by.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1820 hours  
Location: Hashirama Forest  
Namikaze Safe House, Outskirts of Konohagakure no Sato_

At the same moment that Akito made the decision to go to the eastern sector of her district, Minato was marvelling at the tiny bundle of orange blankets in Biwako-sama's arms.

It had been a six hour long labour, pretty short all things considered, but it was over now.

Rin-chan smiled at Minato in amused delight as Biwako-sama said, "The mother gets to see the child first!"

Minato, of course, agreed immediately, because hey, he _knew_ women were better and far scarier than men; his wife was living proof of that.

His son.

 _His_ son.

His _son._

 _His son_.

Minato's face nearly split in half because of the grin creeping its way onto his face. Kami-sama, he was in love.

And he hadn't even _seen_ Naruto yet!

 _Namikaze Naruto. My son. My baby._ Our _baby._

And was it weird that the "our" made him even happier?

At eighteen inches and seven and a half pounds, Namikaze Naruto had been born at 6:17 pm, crying his lungs out into the world.

Minato's heart was bursting with decidedly female sentiments, or so Jiraiya-sensei would have said if he'd bothered to show up for the baby's birth, which he _hadn't_.

Honesty, why did he even bother?! That man…closest thing to a parent...why did Minato even _bother_...

"Alright, I'll just reseal the Kyuubi…" he muttered, looking down at the seal to concentrate—it was a _very_ intricate seal, and even one mistake would have fatal consequences.

"Minato-sensei!" yelled a panicked Rin, diverting Minato's attention from his task, his eyes honing in on—

A masked figure taking away his son.

Naruto was howling, his wife was screaming and Minato's calm descended on him like a guillotine.

"Rin-chan," he said briskly. "Bring him back."

Rin nodded at him before running behind the masked figure taking his Naruto away. Biwako-sama was breathing harshly, picking herself up off the ground from where the masked figure had shoved her and taken the Hokage's son.

"Permission to give chase, Hokage-sama."

"Minato, forget about me! Get my baby back!" yelled his wife.

Minato ignored them both, his mind a steel fortress, the mind set he had employed while on the battlefield where he'd gained his infamy. There were two objectives here: Reseal the Kyuubi. Save his son.

If Rin hadn't been here, he probably would have gone for "save his son and hope for the best with the Kyuubi", but he wasn't alone here, and so he'd sorted out the matter in quick succession.

No one else could reseal the Kyuubi but him. There was another pair of legs that could run after his son.

This was a no-brainer.

He resealed the Kyuubi, sweat beading down his brow but his eyes never losing focus, never wavering from his task.

It took him precious minutes that could mean the difference between the life and death of his student and son, but Minato was calm because panicking would not help.

Kushina snapped at him to " _get out!"_ when he was done, and get out he did, because yes, he'd completed objective one, and now it was time to move onto objective two.

Another figure materialised behind Kushina as he left, stealthily pricking her with a needle full of gleaming purple liquid, before disappearing once more.

Kushina thought the prick was an afterbirth pain, and Biwako was likely concussed because her vision was fuzzy and she was slipping in and out of consciousness.

The red-haired demon keeper got off the bed, ignoring all the aches, pains and sheer _exhaustion_ that was dragging her down. "Come on Biwako-sama! That masked freak is going to _choke on his intestines_ when I'm through with him!"

Biwako slumped, however, and Kushina realised that there were two options: leave, or stay.

She wasn't a medic. She was a fighter.

She left after propping a pillow under Biwako's head, muttering a hasty apology before going after her family.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1825 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Konoha Orphanage  
_

Emiko heard several loud voices outside her room and, sharing a glance with the nine other children she shared a room with, she went to open the door.

Before she got there, however, one of the caretakers had already opened it and yelled, "Single file, leave everything, move out! We're evacuating!"

Emiko gulped and helped one of the girls, the one who had burst into tears the minute the caretaker had left, to the door and out of the orphanage.

 _What's going on?_

She was muttering soothing words to the little girl, who couldn't be older than four, eyes taking in her surroundings out of habit. Shisui had trained his friends well.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a pair of molten yellow eyes, and she snapped her head towards it, her heart pounding rapidly. Before she could cry out, the eyes had disappeared.

Later, when Emiko reached the evacuation shelter, she would realise that it wasn't just the pair of slit-eyes that had gone missing; Duru-kun had as well.

Later, Emiko would dream of those hauntingly familiar yellow eyes.

For now though, she shrugged it off, heading towards the evacuation point, clad in her sleepwear and clutching the four year old girl's hand.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1829 hours  
Location: Hashirama Forest  
A Clearing_

Minato had used his limited sage ability to pinpoint his targets before using his hiraishin to home in on the seal he'd placed on Rin back when she had first become his genin.

A battle was raging, Naruto in Rin's arms, oddly silent, and the masked figure hurling senbon after senbon at the medic.

Rin had several senbon littering her body, more on her arms than anywhere else, and that alone showed Minato that this enemy was skilled at using senbon _and_ didn't have any qualms about hurting innocent children. (Rin would never have gotten hit that many times if she hadn't been shielding Naruto, after all.)

Immediately, Minato joined the fray and sent a compressed air wave at the masked figure, cracking the purple mask in the process.

Rin retreated instantly, taking Naruto out of range. The masked figure, Minato noticed, had begun to tremble slightly, although whether it was from exhaustion or fear, Minato didn't know, nor did he care to find out.

"Why did you kidnap my son?" asked Minato, eager to glean the reason. "Depending on the answer, I may make your death painless."

Because even an idiot would have sensed his Killer Intent and known that if he'd promised to spare the masked figure's life, it would have been a bold-faced lie.

The trembling had stopped and the masked figure straightened their shoulders. "My reasons are my own."

Minato mentally catalogued the fact that it was a woman that had spoken. "So you're working alone then?"

The masked figure moved into a fighting stance, and Minato studied his opponent. He nodded to himself and threw a three-pronged kunai at the woman.

The enemy dodged, leaping away from the kunai, indicating that she knew his technique.

His eyes narrowed. _Someone I've fought before, a spy, or…a Konoha-nin._

The next few minutes of combat was a game of cat and mouse, with the masked woman dodging his kunai and Minato pelting her with them.

She dodged the seventh one with a cat-like grace, and Minato felt that he'd _seen_ that before, although where was a matter of debate.

Minato took this moment to activate all of his seals, and one by one, they all exploded, leaving craters of roughly ten metre radii where each kunai had fallen. It was really ridiculous, he felt, that people would think he'd only place _one_ seal on each kunai, because _seriously_ , he didn't need those kunai lying around for people to peruse the seal and reverse engineer it, after all.

The masked woman must have been concussed, because she was shaking her head and trying to regain her bearings. Her mask had chipped from the bottom, and Minato could make out pale skin.

"I repeat, why were you after my son?" he asked, with a steely glance.

The woman was trembling again, and this time Minato was sure it was the Killer Intent. But her stance was firm and she tilted her head up, in a pithy attempt to fake bravery in the face of certain death. She hadn't tried a single attack on him. From the very beginning, this match was Minato's, and they'd both known it.

"Very well. Time's up. Goodbye."

And with a quick leap, one shunshin and one rasengan, the woman fell, her mask shattered, and her eyes saw no more.

* * *

 _10_ _th_ _of October  
Time: 1840 hours  
Location: Konohagakure no Sato  
Southern Shelter  
_

I was ushering Noeki-baa-san to the shelter, the crowd getting restless both inside and out because _nothing_ was happening but some of the people and all of the animals were feeling restless.

No higher up was questioning where the order for evacuation had come from, and for that I was both grateful and worried.

Grateful because, well, I _couldn't_ explain it.

Worried because, if no one was questioning it, then my hunch, the feeling that something had _shifted_ , was spot on.

I was still carrying Sa-chan around, Itachi-touto and Shisui-chan were still in the southernmost district, where most of the Uchiha family, the Sato family and various other minor and major shinobi and civilian families resided.

I was calm.

The chakra around me was thrumming with confusion and buzzing with agitation, Sa-chan was keening and yanking on my hair in distress, but I was calm.

I'd seen Okaa-san and Otou-san, and they were heading to one of the evacuation points. Obito-kun had made his way here, his ageing grandmother supporting him, and so that was one less person I needed to worry about. The western and northern districts had yet to be evacuated, the southern districts were nearly empty, and the eastern districts were heading towards this shelter as of right now.

I was calm.

Freeze the moment.

Just freeze it, because a _SC_ _ **RE**_ A **M** rent the air, the heavens _tore_ , and rain _poured_ like roaring waterfalls, and it wasn't _natural_.

The scream was agonising; children started crying, adults paled, dogs howled, several shinobi with sensitive hearing covered their ears and resisted the urge to vomit.

Because that scream was hurt and mourning and grieving and _insane_.

Immediately after that scream, the rain coalesced above the main gates of Konoha, and I could barely make out a figure standing on the left wall.

My eyes could have stared at that, but they didn't because my instincts urged me to find Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto and Okaa-san and Otou-san and—

There! They were heading to the shelter, but—

 _They're not going to make it in time_.

The water that had collected started glowing, pulsating as someone infused it with chakra, and I ran, _ran_ down the slippery uphill slope, protecting Sa-chan's head with one hand and thanking Kami-sama I'd tied my hair back this morning.

The glowing rain water compressed, and people started moving, screaming, yelling at their loved ones to _hurry!_ Many watched, in morbid awe as the gigantic large bullet that could have taken the Kyuubi itself on _pushed_ , _flung_ itself towards the Uchiha District, taking out _everything_ in its path—the KMPF headquarters, the Choumei Apartment Complex, the Sato Weaving Guildhall, my _home_ —

And I ran towards it, Sa-chan's cries ringing in my ears, because Itachi-touto was running out of steam. He was young, he was _five_ , he had poor stamina _anyway_ , he was going to _drown_ in that large ball of—

 _It's like a tsunami…_

I barely remembered to take a deep breath and close Sa-chan's mouth and nose.

The sky was made of the sea, the water floating above us for a split second, someone yelling at us, but I reached Itachi-touto, I yanked him to me, and the water fell on us in one burst of the purest, most dangerous, ocean blue.

* * *

Shisui's eyes panged, and his pupils turned a blood red. The rain crashed harder and harder, pelting against his pale skin, and he couldn't move, because _Aki-senpai!_

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Kushina reached the clearing Minato was at, and saw her husband leaning over a girl with dark brown hair and porcelain skin.

Kushina slapped herself, because _for the love of Kami-sama, this is ridiculous! Brain, shut up! He was clearly fighting! Not having kinky sex with some washed up harlot who could never be as beautiful and awesome in bed as Kushina-sama anyway!_

She walked closer to him, and saw that his eyes were studying the girl with concentration of the quadrilianth degree.

He heard her come towards him and relaxed when he saw it was her, before his eyes scrunched up in concern. "Shouldn't you be resting?" she had, after all, just given birth.

Kushina slapped him, and Minato looked at her in hurt confusion. "Wha—"

"You want me out of the way do you?! So you can go back to making googoo eyes at my replacement!? I _knew_ you had a mistress! Well, you know what? _I_ have men on the side too, and they aren't _half_ as flaky as you dattebane! They have _muscles_ , and six packs! And they like tea _and_ handcuffs, and sometimes for the _same_ reason!"

Minato sweatdropped at his wife, before deciding to just nod along.

Clearly, the pregnancy hormones hadn't quite left her system yet.

"This is—"

"You're going to _introduce_ me to your _other woman_!?"

"Kushina, please just listen to me," he said, the plea in his voice evident.

Rin held Naruto tightly against her and giggled at her favourite (read: only) sensei and his wife's antics.

Kushina huffed in indignation, and he said, "Look, this is the masked person that kidnapped our son, and no, I wasn't sleeping with the masked person that kidnapped our son. Kushina, quite apart from the fact that you're my wife and I love you and I've never even contemplated cheating on you, I also happen to have standards."

Kushina flushed and cleared her throat. "Who is that anyway?"

Minato quirked his lips at her in amusement before saying, "It's an Uchiha, although which one of them is the question…"

Rin looked closer at the woman that had fallen at a twisted angle, and she could see her glassy black eyes glaring at her, face set in a look of acceptance.

She looked down at the woman sadly, and she was about to say something, although she had no idea what, because Kushina asked, "Is she dead?" and Minato answered with a "Yes."

And the sky tore open and it started raining like Kami-sama Himself was crying, and someone _screamed_.

* * *

 _My first ever cliffhanger…I feel like this is a milestone._

 _*Itachi wasn't mumbling gibberish to Sasuke. He was murmuring to him in English. Make of that what you will._

 _*'Because when you have the power to make a difference and you don't, and then something goes wrong, it's your fault.' – Has anyone seen Captain America: Civil War? Yeah, this was one of my favourite speeches, and not just because it was Spiderman that said it. It was profound, and something I believe most geniuses would feel, even if they weren't all that introspective and couldn't put it into words. Also, I know it isn't word for word, because that would be plagiarism._

 _I felt that the Itachi monologue was a bit disjointed, but it was done on purpose because it was stream-of-thought, i.e. he was thinking too deeply and that's why he accidentally nearly drowned a sleeping Sasuke in baby milk. But I'm still a bit unsatisfied with that scene…There's so much more I wanted to add to this chapter, like for example, I wanted to write the aftermath for the 'Kyuubi Attack' in this chapter as well, but that was another 10000 words' worth, so I left it here. Sigh. Thoughts on this chapter?_

 ** _Edited 3/03/2017_**


	12. Quintessential Quandary

_**'There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is the willingness to think.'**_

* * *

The water fell from the sky and it _burned_. I know, I know, water isn't supposed to burn, but the water was _boiling_. Sa-chan was squirming and would have been screaming if my blistered hand wasn't covering his mouth. There was water all around us, Itachi-touto had a frantic, _painful_ hold of my leg, and I tried, I really really tried but—

I can't swim.

I've never learnt how to swim, in this life or in the previous one. It just…never happened.

I can't water walk, I'm too panicked to even try, and it _burns_.

It was all I could do to—

We're swallowing too much water, and I can't hold my breath for very much longer.

Think Akito, THINK!

Bubbles erupted from where I'd covered Sa-chan's nose, and he went limp in my arms. I…I should be panicking right now, but all I can think is…

I'm losing oxygen rapidly. My brain is becoming sluggish.

Itachi-touto…I glanced at him, the water strangely still around us. He was looking at me with wide, blood-red eyes, the eerie blue glow of my chakra making him seem like a figment of a dream, and I tried to smile at him.

Sharingan…Kakashi…

Slowly, although I don't know how slowly, I weaved my chakra and pushed it out, covering us with a lattice of pulsating blue chakra, and I swallowed some water, but mostly it was air. Itachi-touto gasped, and spluttered, and…

Sa-chan's still limp, and I'm not sure if he's breathing right now, and I'm too tired to check.

This is taking more out of me than I realised.

I'm sure there's a better way to do this…maybe if I used my chakra to mould the water so it forms an air bubble…isn't that what Zabuza did to Kakashi on that Wave mission?

I tried again, careful not to get rid of the chakra lattice surrounding us itself until I'd managed with the water dome, but every time I tried, it was like—

It's almost as though the _water itself was chakra_.

My eyes snapped wide open from their half-lidded state.

This isn't a regular water jutsu. This is…this is…

My chakra lattice trembled.

I think I'm dying of chakra exhaustion.

Sa-chan's still not breathing.

Itachi-touto was still staring at me with those scared, blood-red eyes.

Well, at least I technically made it to canon, right? Technically…

My chakra lattice trembled again.

I closed my eyes, and concentrated. Until someone came to help ( _please, please come and help)_ I have to keep this structure alive. Itachi-touto _would not_ die on my watch. I'm sure Sa-chan just needs CPR.

I'm pretty sure…

Itachi-touto brushed his small, too young hands across my cheek. Without opening my eyes, I smiled at him.

His hand began trembling, and I'm pretty sure he was crying.

And then a hand grabbed my ankle and _pulled_.

* * *

Minato, Kushina and Rin watched with mounting horror as a huge _ocean's worth_ of water coalesced above the main Konoha gates and hurtled towards the Southern District in one giant ball of glowing blue.

"Minato!" yelled Kushina, and immediately he snapped out of his daze and hiraishin-ed to the gates.

It was dark, and really hard to see, but he could make out a masked figure—another masked figure—raging madly and then, as soon as the giant ball of water hit the Hokage Monument, the man collapsed and fell from the nine feet high gate.

Minato ran to catch him, but before he got there, a person materialised out of the shadows— _literally_ materialised, because Minato knew he hadn't been there before—and grabbed the masked man, who was sobbing incoherently and sounded like he was having a fever dream.

The person that had materialised was…Minato blinked, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things because of the rain obscuring his vision, but it was true. The _thing_ was half white and half black, with green…a Venus flytrap?...cocooning a wiry frame. Messy green hair, sinister yellow eyes and a crazed grin.

Minato catalogued these things in a split second and then shunshin-ed to them and blasted a huge rasengan right where they were.

The rasengan had taken out a sizeable chunk of the masked man's right side, with his torso shredded and skin chunks clinging to the white bones of his ribcage. The plant-person-thing had managed to dodge, but even then, Minato had managed to cause several lacerations on its Venus flytrap casing.

The plant-person-thing hissed and glared at him with yellow eyes, and before Minato could do more than kick and snap the thing's shoulder blade with a _crunch_ , it _swallowed_ the masked man and disappeared into the shadows, its slithering voice whispering insidiously, "You've won this round, but we'll be back, Yondaime."

Minato lunged to where they were disappearing, but even as he did, he knew it was in vain.

He stood there for a moment, regaining his bearings, before hiraishin-ing back to the clearing he'd left his wife, female student, and son.

"Sensei, what _was_ that?" asked Rin with a lot of suppressed fear.

Kushina glared at him and snapped waspishly, "Stop jumping around and stand up!"

Minato chose to ignore that ridiculous command (he was neither jumping nor sitting down, thank you very much, and besides, he didn't even know _how_ to do both at the same time anyway. Sometimes, he wondered about what went through Kushina's mind) and instead answered Rin's question.

"Her accomplice," he indicated to the dead body of the Uchiha woman, "cast a water jutsu of some sort, although I'm not certain of the damage yet."

Rin nodded, and Kushina grit her teeth. "Anybody else see the milk in the sky, or is it just me?"

Minato looked at where she was indicating, but he saw absolutely nothing. That, of course, didn't mean much because Kushina had far better intuition than he did, and her eyesight was a lot better, especially in the rain. "Where is it?"

Rin was squinting at the pouring sky as well, but she saw nothing. Kushina pointed at a tree trunk and said, "Right there, you idiot!"

Minato made a mental note to keep her away from the caffeine for a while.

"Right, of course. Rin-chan, go to the safe house and take care of Biwako-sama. Kushina, take Naruto-chan and go to the other safe house. Don't stop for _anything_ , understood?" he ordered rapidly even as he retrieved his tri-pronged kunai strewn across the clearing.

Rin nodded with an affirmative before handing over Naruto to his mother and running to the safe house as fast as she could.

Kushina's face had grown pale, her soaked clothing clung uncomfortably to her skin, her hair were drenched and stuck to her back and forehead in clumps, and she was holding her baby as close as possible so that he wouldn't feel the harsh drops of rain on his face.

She'd never looked more beautiful to him.

"Where are you going?" she asked quietly.

Minato yanked the last kunai out of a tree and flung it at her. She caught it without looking up, looping it around in her fingers and then bracing it against her forearm in a death grip.

He hiraishin-ed to her and hugged her, pulling his wife closer to him and making sure he didn't squash the baby in her arms. He kissed her softly, and smiled. "Home, Kushina. I'm going to see the damage and root out any other possible masked people."

Although, he didn't for a moment believe that there were more of them. Call it gut instinct, but he was pretty certain that there _could_ have only been two; the second masked man had gone insane when the first one had died—the two were too close for there to have been a third wheel.

Kushina blushed lightly and hit him lightly on the head. "Stay safe, idiot. The rain's boiling."

And it was only then that Minato realised that it wasn't the strength of the raindrops that was causing him pain, but the searing _heat_ of the water. Food for thought.

His skin was already blistering, what with him having been in the rain longer than Kushina and Naruto, who'd been under the cover of trees when the raining had started. "I will."

And with that, he grabbed the dead woman's body and hiraishin-ed to the gates, before sprinting as fast as he could to the Southern District, hoping that there wasn't too much death and destruction waiting for him.

He would be thoroughly disappointed.

* * *

Uchiha Mikoto screamed as the deluge of water plunged down onto her children, and then, without thinking about how _stupid_ the idea was, or that she might _die_ , or that she hadn't fully recovered from her most difficult pregnancy yet, or that her stamina was shit…

Precisely eight heartbeats after the water fell, two people dived into the water and began swimming towards the three Uchiha siblings—a panicked mother, and a tsundere Hatake.

Mikoto kept her eyes peeled for any sign of her children, any at all, hoping that they were all together so that it would be easier to find them. Her body and mind began working on autopilot, searching through the searing hot water and coating her eyes with chakra to deter the worst of the sting. Her body was already receiving second-degree burns, but that _didn't_ _matter_. Her children were down here, and she _needed_ to find them!

A few moments later, an eerie blue glow filled her vision, and she began swimming towards it, hoping and praying that it was her children, and she wasn't disappointed.

Akito was floating, suspended in the middle of a glowing sphere-like lattice, Sasuke held in her arms with his head limp, and Itachi clinging to her right leg with a death grip, frantically shaking her and trying to keep her awake.

Mikoto surged towards them, at the same time that Hatake Kakashi surged towards them, and Mikoto grabbed her daughter's ankle through the lattice and _pulled_. Kakashi had a firm grip on Itachi, and with Mikoto firmly intertwining her limbs with Akito's so that she didn't float away, she tried to mimic the chakra lattice to surround Sasuke, afraid that he was already dead. Akito, listlessly and without much energy, placed a hand on Sasuke's forehead and created a lattice around them, but she began to lose consciousness in earnest.

Mikoto wasted no more time and swam to the surface with single-minded determination.

The minute her head broke the surface of the water, she inhaled deeply and gasped at the stinging pain her open blisters caused as they touched the cold air, the rain having stopped a few seconds ago.

Kakashi was already on top of a relatively dry building with her middle child, and she urgently tugged her daughter and youngest towards them, trying very hard to ignore the muscle fatigue and the throbbing pain. Akito blinked at her blearily for a moment before mumbling, "Okaa-san…Sa…CPR…"

"Give me a moment, Akito-chan!" yelled Mikoto, the sound of rushing water and screaming preventing her from hearing what Akito was saying.

She reached the building and Kakashi held out a hand to her, Itachi shivering beside him and silently crying, Sharingan-red eyes spinning threateningly. Mikoto hoisted Sasuke above herself, then boosted Akito up, and then climbed up herself with the last of her strength.

And yet, she couldn't rest—not yet.

"Akito-chan, I need you to stay with me! Sasuke-chan isn't breathing, and I don't know what to do," Mikoto said as calmly as she could, shoving her wounded pride in a metal box and sealing it shut—Akito had medical training, Mikoto was panicking, and she was way in over her head.

Kakashi watched silently, his silver hair damp with water and sweat, all his visible skin blistered and his eyes bloodshot.

Akito stirred slowly, then gasped a breath or two, before mouthing something. Itachi stared unseeingly, his mind shutting down from the strain and the damage he'd taken. He collapsed into Kakashi, who winced as the pressure against his side pressed against the largest of the open sores. He shifted slightly and laid the boy down on the rooftop, careful to cushion his head in case the boy had a concussion.

Suddenly, Shisui shunshin-ed right next to Akito, his breath ragged and face streaked with dirt and tears, his face pale and as blistered as the rest of theirs. "Aki-senpai!" he screamed with a wrenched voice.

She grabbed onto his arm feebly and mouthed something again, and he nodded before she collapsed too, just like her brother.

Shisui turned to Mikoto, his hand grabbing onto Akito's form with an almost painfully careful grip. "She said that Sa-chan has water in his lungs; he needs CPR."

Mikoto and Kakashi nodded before Mikoto said, "I don't think I can."

Kakashi moved forward and began the chest compressions, lifting Sasuke's head up to clear the airways. The baby was less than three months old—the likelihood of him surviving the trauma was slim.

Still, Kakashi continued the chest compressions as Shisui shunshin-ed away with Itachi first, then Akito, then Mikoto. Kakashi didn't know how long it took, but it couldn't have been long before the baby underneath him finally started coughing, the water spurting out almost uncontrollably. The baby didn't even cry—he was in too much pain.

Kakashi quickly made his way to the hospital, where the patient build-up and the lack of crowd control had turned the area into a stampede. He narrowed his eyes in annoyance. _This baby is going to_ die _if he isn't treated for his damaged airways, and he isn't going to survive long enough for this crowd to let us through!_

"Kakashi-san!" called a voice to his far right, and Kakashi glanced in that direction before getting an idea. Maito Gai, with his green spandex, blistered face, obnoxious eyebrows and broad nose, had a pair of lungs on him like no other. It was time to exploit that.

"Gai-san, get the crowd under control," Kakashi ordered without any preamble. Gai snapped to attention and whistled loudly for most people's attentions. Most of the people furthest away from them hadn't heard a thing, but that was alright with Kakashi. One section of the crowd organised was better than nothing.

"Everyone, please form three lines! One for adults in critical condition! Here in the middle for children in critical condition! Everybody else, over there!" yelled Gai in his booming voice, getting most of the adults to start shuffling around. Konoha was a military village—they were born following orders.

Several Chuunin and Jounin began organising the crowd as well, but Kakashi simply jumped to the front of the queue for children in critical condition.

Soon, he could hand over this child to a nurse, and then he could go find Minato-sensei, Obito and Rin. The restless snake in his chest was writhing frantically as he worried about his family.

His _family_.

The queue moved forward.

* * *

Komoto Togari was panicking.

She had been on her evening shift when the sky-splitting scream had sounded and the unnatural rain had started falling, so she'd been safe from the worst of it. The hospital wasn't close enough to the majorly damaged areas, so they didn't even get hit by the water bullet that, by preliminary estimates, had killed at least seventy people, with the casualty figures somewhere in the hundreds of thousands.

That wasn't counting the death toll from the boiling rain itself, nor was it accounting for the stampede deaths or the ninken and pregnant women and miscarriages.

Togari was panicking, because she'd _never_ seen so many patients before, and all of them had open sores on their faces and any exposed skin, with some of them having opened their mouths and exposed the burns in their throats and tracheae.

Togari was not prepared to deal with this. Togari wanted to go home.

Her dark pink eyes swam with unshed tears, her small mouth trembled in fear, and she was two breaths away from a mental breakdown—the patient influx was too much, the hospital death rates were weighing her down, and breathing was becoming very difficult.

What really made her flip out though, almost completely, was the sight of Uchiha Akito lying on one of the makeshift stretchers with her face so heavily disfigured that, were it not for her unmistakable hair, she would have been unrecognisable.

"I…Akito…chan?" she whispered in abject horror, her eyes widening, deranged and despairing, her breath coming out in gasps and whimpers. "Oh Kami-sama…what…"

She started yanking on her blonde hair and began crying, breaking down in the middle of the hall at the sight of the strongest person she knew, the most _invincible person in Konoha_ , just _lying_ there, like as if it wasn't destroying some unspoken law of the universe, that the world wasn't being turned inside out, that it was _okay that Uchiha Akito looked half-dead—_

"Calm down, Komoto-sensei," said someone with an iron voice, gently releasing her hands' grip on her hair and sitting her down against the wall of the corridor. "Take deep breaths, that's it. In…out…in…out…in…"

Slowly, _slowly_ , Togari's breathing regularised, and she looked up to see the green hair of her mentor, his unflinching purple eyes not judging her in the slightest, even though she expected him to, more than anyone else in the world. "Hagane-sensei…?"

He nodded brusquely, saying in a measured voice. "I need you to hold on to your sanity just a little bit longer. You're incompetent and weak-willed, but you have the skill when you put your mind to it. The patients _need_ you to keep your shit together, understand?"

The last vestiges of her control latched onto the measured, blunt words and painfully brought her back to the land of the sane. "I'm…I'm not cut out for this…" she whispered, her voice trembling.

Hagane-sensei's face softened, and Togari felt like crying, sobbing into his shirt and never letting go. "Yes, you are. We all flip out sometimes. Now, ready to get back up?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before opening them with a look of forced determination on her face, an attempted veneer of calm forming on her face. She nodded.

It was only then that Togari realised that Hagane-sensei was still holding her hands, and when she looked at their clasped hands, her soft pale ones against his callused tanned ones, she felt a sense of unadulterated rightness washing over her.

The moment disappeared as he dropped her hands, as though having been stung. "Let's go," he said, his voice clipped and professional, with a hint of the usual cynical undertone.

Togari sighed. Back to normal again.

Hagane-sensei's next patient, it must be noted with a hint of irony, was Uchiha Akito.

It's ironic, because he nearly had a mental breakdown too, and he wasn't prone to such fanciful indulgences.

Komoto Togari was clearly a bad influence.

It had absolutely nothing to do with having seen the little girl grow up right before him, or her persistent pestering, or their cavalier, uncle-niece-like relationship.

Nope, none of those things at all.

* * *

Uchiha Teyaki held his daughter tightly in his arms as he moved through the watery rubble that had once been the proud home of the residents of the Southern District.

The people in the evacuation shelters had been protected from the devastating boiling rain and the water bullet, and Teyaki was grateful for that mercy. Ine was crying in his arms, squirming and whining for all she was worth, and Teyaki tried in vain to shush her up.

"What _was_ that thing!?" exclaimed a Yamanaka as the evacuees milled through the smashed buildings and decimated streets.

Someone tutted, and Teyaki felt the aggression coming from the Yamanaka in waves. "You didn't see?" sniffed a Hyuuga in disdain. "There was someone standing on the gate. Clearly, someone cast a water jutsu."

A fearful civilian woman with her six year old trembling son gripped tightly in a hug cried, " _One_ person did _all_ of this!?"

Several other people became agitated at this exclamation, with several wondering if there was a conspiracy going on. "If you ask me, I'll bet it was the Uchi—"

Uchiha Fugaku ran onto the scene, his breath harsh and ragged, his face worn out and terribly blistered. "Teyaki, have you seen Akito-chan? Or Itachi-kun, or Sasuke-chan, or Mikoto? I can't—I can't find them _anywhere_!"

Teyaki braced the man who was as close to him as a brother and calmly instructed him to breathe. "What happened, Fugaku?"

The evacuees were quiet, eager to learn of any details pertaining to the attack, several of them aware of exactly who Uchiha Akito was. Fugaku brought his trembling under control, but his eyes were still wider than normal, and he looked so _afraid_ , more afraid than Teyaki had ever seen him before.

"The water bullet…it hit them directly, and Mikoto went in after them, and they could be _dead_ , Teyaki!"

Teyaki paled, almost certain that no one could have survived that—if the rain was boiling, then the smouldering buildings implied that the water bullet must have been _searing_. "If Mikoto had any sense, she'd have taken them to the hospital. You won't find them here, Fugaku. Come on—you look like you could use something for shock."

But Fugaku seemed to have calmed down by now, and he was staring strangely at Ine. "No, no I don't think that's the best idea at this point. We need to organise the evacuees, get Konoha under control again, and find Hokage-sama."

The head of the Konoha Military Police Force seemed to don a fortified mask and straightened up. "Teyaki, if you find any KMPF members, send them to the Hokage Tower. We'll use it as the centre of operations."

Teyaki's heart stopped beating rapidly—with Fugaku back under his own control, his job was done and he didn't have to worry anymore. "Will do, Fugaku-sama."

The man left, his Sharingan active as he looked for KMPF members and began organising the evacuees streaming into the Southern District.

"You know," a Nara said in a carrying voice, "it's quite telling that the ones most devastated by the attack are the Uchiha…their heiress is in critical condition, none of their homes were spared…almost as though they were specifically targeted…"

Whispers and theories broke out among the people, and the seed of doubt would take root firmly, and the tide against the Uchiha would turn, and the incident that would come to be known for generations to come as 'The Night of Boiling Rain' would mark a national holiday in Hi no Kuni, even though no one was quite sure who or what had caused the devastation.

And Teyaki knew that the Uchiha owed their debt to a lackadaisical, completely ordinary, unremarkable Nara.

And he would remember this debt, even if no one else did.

* * *

I blinked into awareness, and immediately wished I'd stayed unconscious.

The pain was _unbelievable_ , and the ouchies were extreme. It took me a whole two minutes just to be able to figure out how to breathe without flinching, and even then I only managed seventy percent of the time.

"Aneki?" Itachi-touto croaked from beside me, and slowly I turned around to meet a heavily bandaged baby brother, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

I tried for a smile, and I'm pretty sure I succeeded because he calmed down considerably. "It's been five hours since."

I'm glad he answered that question without me having to ask it. The sky outside was pitch-black, and something was…hmmm, something was moving outside, but my eyes were too sluggish to figure out what it was. It was definitely a person though.

I cleared my throat, just to see if I could, and realised that this? This _hurt_.

"What's the extent of the damage?" I asked, and I realised that my voice was croaking too, just not as badly as Itachi-touto.

Itachi-touto shook his head, and some of his forehead peaked through the bandages. The pain I was in was immediately ignored as I got out of bed as fast as I could and ran towards him.

His eyes widened. "A-aneki?"

I forced a small pool of green chakra to cover my fingertips as I brushed it against his forehead, and his moan of relief really hit me—just how much pain was he in? Itachi-touto was sometimes even more stoical than Otou-san, and this breach in stoicism was unnatural!

I soothed the rest of the charred white skin on his forehead and gently coaxed the skin to heal itself, stimulating the nerve ending as I went along and trying to just _fix_ my Otouto's pain.

Clearly, the hospital was understaffed.

"Broken bones?"

"No," he said slowly, testing his body to see if it was the truth, "just sore."

"Sa-chan?" I asked, the fear and the eerie blue water returning to my mind with a sharp _crack_.

Itachi-touto bit his lip, and that was enough answer for me—he had no idea and no one had told him anything.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked instead, and he mumbled slightly before saying clearly, "Twenty minutes."

I thinned my lips. "No one's come in yet?"

"No."

The hospital must be _really_ understaffed. And now that I'm thinking about it, it isn't all that surprising. I'm surprised we weren't dead.

I hope Sa-chan isn't dead.

I don't know how long we'd been submerged, or how long Sa-chan hadn't been breathing, but he was a _baby_ , not even properly three months old yet.

I gnawed on my lower lip as I moved onto his cheeks, the skin there looking irritated, peeling off beneath the bandages. I got to work.

"Stop that."

I turned around to see who had spoken, and Shisui-chan stood there, looking for all the world as though he hadn't been hovering outside the window for the last five minutes.

Che, I knew someone was floating around outside.

"Stop what?" I asked, still healing the peeling cheek skin.

Shisui-chan looked like he was struggling to formulate the words, but then he said, "The medics were pretty sure you were going to die of chakra exhaustion, Aki-senpai. Stop using it."

And so I stopped, because only when he said it did I realise my vision had gotten more sluggish, not because I was sleepy, but because I was getting fatigued.

Yes, there is a difference.

"What else can you tell me?" I asked.

Shisui-chan chuckled lightly before coming over to me, re-bandaging the wound I'd opened on Itachi-touto's face as well as he could, and gently lifting me to my hospital bed.

He began speaking, and it was all I could do to concentrate on what he was saying.

"All three of you swallowed some of the water, and so your insides are what the medics worked on the longest to fix up. It was touch and go for Sasu-chan, but he's going to be fine. He'll be staying at the hospital for a while, though for you two, it's been recommended that the minute you can walk without feeling like you're concussed, you should leave—they need all the beds they can get. The blisters…well, hopefully there won't be any permanent scarring, but none of us know for sure."

He scowled a bit, before forcing his expression to clear up. "Literally, all I'm hearing wherever I go is ' _oh, I hope it doesn't scar! My beautiful skin!_ ' Stupid Emiko-chan…"

I giggled. "Typical Emiko-chan!"

He reluctantly smiled, but then his face grew grim as he looked at Itachi-touto. "You need to stop panicking, Itachi-chama. This wasn't your fault."

My head snapped towards him, and it was only then that I registered the tears streaming down his face. He was even sniffling. _Sniffling_.

"Otouto, _why_ would you think this was _your_ fault?" I asked, even as my mind supplied me with the reason.

He gulped, and then said in a hoarse thin voice, "If I wasn't so slow and weak…"

I gave Shisui-chan a look, and he winked in affirmative. He moved over to Itachi-touto and gently gave him a hug, seeing as how the room was threatening to start spinning if I got up to do the same.

"Idiot Otouto…if you're going to blame yourself for every time I do something stupid in the name of sisterly love, you're going to go bald!" I said, a grin firmly on my face, even though my facial muscles were in agonising pain. This was more important.

Itachi-touto started crying even worse, and Shisui-chan looked at me in panic. I just smiled at the sight the two made with unbridled affection.

You see this? _This_ is what made all the worrying, pain and guilt worth it.

Because Itachi-touto was allowed to cry tears of relief, and Shisui-chan was panicking like a normal seven year old when confronted with a crying child, and nothing else in the world mattered.

 _This_ , is home.

In the most metaphorical way possible.

* * *

I'd blinked out of consciousness for a while, and the next time I opened my eyes, Minato-sama was shaking me awake.

"I don't think you should do that, Minato-sama," called Shisui-chan's voice, and I opened my eyes groggily.

"I'm sorry to disturb your recovery, Akito-chan," said Minato-sama, and he really did look guilty about it. So I gave him a hug and told him not to worry about it.

Yup, the pain was duller this time. A medic must have been through here. I looked to my left and Itachi-touto and Shisui-chan were there, one in the hospital bed and the other on a visitor's chair. This was the first time my vision wasn't swimming, so I actually got a proper look at Shisui-chan, and seriously, I hope the blisters _don't_ leave scars.

If that was him, I couldn't imagine what kind of pockmarked lobster I looked like.

Yes, this is vanity. No, I'm not going to apologise for having it—I'm human and I like looking pretty, thank you very much.

"Was there something you wanted, Minato-sama?" I asked, staring at him discerningly. He looked tired, but nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't be able to fix. He only had a few healing scalds on the visible parts of his face and hands, but nothing that wouldn't heal properly by the looks of it.

"Several things, but we'll begin with the most immediate concern—are you and your brothers alright?" he asked, not beating around the bush and with major concern written all over his face.

My heart sort of, kind of, definitely melted.

"I don't know completely. I feel less sore, and Shisui-chan says Sa-chan is fine, and Itachi-touto could be worse…" I don't like the vagueness of my knowledge. "I'll ask a medic when I see one."

"Okay," he said, accepting my answer at face value, 'the next thing I wanted to ask you—you got hit by the water bullet directly, and _you_ ," he looked at Shisui, "saw it directly. I wasn't at ground zero at the time, and I need you to tell me anything you can about the jutsu," asked Minato-sama, getting straight to the next point now that the pleasantries were over.

"Aren't there people far more qualified at jutsu identification than we are?" asked Itachi-touto stoically.

Minato-sama quirked his lips wryly. "You three Uchiha siblings are the only ones to survive direct impact from the water bullet. Everyone else is dead. I'd like to know how you survived, and what exactly that jutsu was, from the people that were actually _hit_ by it. Not only do I have no one else to ask," he said, and then took a deep breath, "but there're also very few other people I'd rather ask than you."

I may or may not have blushed at the compliment.

And also, _what?_ Everyone else that got hit by the water-ocean-drowning-ball-of-boiling-heat _died_ and three under-ten-year-olds survived!?

Heck, I'll try and accept that Itachi-touto and I survived—we'd been training for years now, so maybe our chakra passively saved our lives, but Sa-chan? The bloody kid is seventy nine days old exactly! Or eighty if you want to count today, which you don't, obviously, because it's—

"What's the time?"

They looked at me weirdly before Shisui-chan answered. "Two thirty in the morning."

'Thanks.'

Yes, so the kid is _eighty days old_. This is a serious case of Protagonist Protection Power©, and I'm calling bullshit on this right now!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm _happy_ he's alive; he's my brother, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with LAW DEFIANCE!

How did that—

"How in Kami-sama's name did we survive something _no one else did_?!"

Itachi-touto cleared his throat, and we all turned to look at him. "We've thought about it."

Shisui-chan elaborated. "While you were asleep, we started discussing the jutsu and exactly how you guys didn't suffer worse damage."

Itachi-touto shifted a bit in his seat as Minato-sama pulled up a chair and sat down on it, prompting him to continue. "We'd…Aneki, can I ask you a few questions, just to clarify some things?"

I nodded, as curious as Minato-sama to see where the two greatest geniuses of my generation had figured out about a jutsu that I was fairly certain wasn't canon, and had _definitely_ not happened during the Kyuubi Attack.

Also, _what in the world happened!?_

Minato-sama is _alive_ , the Kyuubi never attacked, Obito-kun and Rin-chan are, as far as I'm aware because Shisui-chan hadn't said anything to the contrary, _alive_ , and—

"Wait, before we begin," I said, turning to Minato-sama. "How're Kushina-ba-chan, Bump and whoever else went with you?"

Minato-sama's lips twitched into a small smile. "Oh you're Kushina's goddaughter alright…Bump…they're all fine. Perfectly healthy, no physical complications to my knowledge…Rin-chan might need medical attention, and Biwako-sama is currently in the hospital with a major concussion, but other than that, everything's fine."

I'm sensing a story here, but I'll ask after this. For now, it's enough to know that I haven't killed the protagonist, because _that_ would have been _bad_.

"Okay," I said, turning back to my little brother and best friend. "Go for it."

Itachi-touto took a moment to gather his thoughts before he asked, "Aneki, what was that thing you made around us?"

It was my turn to gather my thoughts. Difference between Itachi-touto and me though, is that I work things out better out loud, especially when the details are fuzzy. This doesn't bode well for future scheming, that much I can tell you.

"I…I don't think I really registered the heat at the time. I just knew that Sa-chan needed air, because he's a baby right? And while I could try my hand at breathing under water, and believe that you could as well, I _knew_ Sa-chan couldn't, so I sort of…expelled my chakra and created a…chakra bubble around us? Like, a lattice, but more like a partially permeable membrane, where air could come in, but water couldn't. So that, you know, we could breathe."

I think that answered the question, but I honestly don't think I could replicate it now, now that I'm not half-panicked and drowning.

I guess now's a good a time as any to learn how to swim, and then I can work on the chakra lattice along with that.

"Wait," Minato-sama said. "Okay, I'll say it too—not that I'm not grateful, but _how_ are you not dead? Chakra enough to maintain a partially permeable lattice around _three_ people with the chakra reserves of a _seven_ year old…"

Shisui-chan grinned and said with a light blush, "Aki-senpai is awesome."

I grinned right back at him, before turning to Minato-sama. "I don't really think I maintained it for that long, and I'm very good at not wasting chakra, Minato-sama."

After all, medic training freaking _means_ awesome chakra manipulation and output. Otherwise, as Hagane-sensei put it, "Our patients would be roasted ducks with a side helping of expensive law suits."

He also went onto threatening to kill Togari-chan if she so much as _looked_ at the patient wrongly, but I was on his side with that one—Togari-chan was particularly accident prone that day.

Minato-sama mumbled something about women defying laws of the known universe, and I grinned wider, even though the scalds on my cheeks were beginning to _burn_.

"Plus," I said solemnly, "I'm a freaking Uchiha."

"Ah," he said amiably. "That explains _everything_."

I laughed.

Itachi-touto spoke up again. "Okay, but why chakra? Why not use the water itself? It's less chakra intensive that way…and I think you _did_ try that, didn't you?" he ended up looking adorably confused, and by the time I registered his question, we were both adorably confused.

"Well, to tell you the truth, my first thought was to use chakra. I didn't think about moulding the water until you made me realise I was going to die before help arrived for you if I kept it up."

I took a deep breath, trying to remember my sluggish thought process at the time.

I looked up at them staring at me. "Don't worry, I don't really have a death wish—I was just fairly certain I wasn't going to live through that, that's all. I _did_ conserve my chakra right? So stop looking at me like that Shisui-chan, Minato-sama, Otouto. Saving you was the only thing that kept me focussed, and that's what I did."

Minato-sama looked convinced (which is why I love him), Shisui-chan was a bit sceptical but sighed and let it slide, and Otouto started gnawing on his lower lip. I think this might turn into a bad habit.

"So what happened when you tried to use the water? Because Itachi-chama here says that the chakra bubble was still active when you were rescued," said Shisui-chan, bringing us all back on track.

I thought about this and then said, "I tried but…the best way to describe it is that the water _was_ chakra. Like as though…"

"That water was suffused with so much chakra, it wasn't yours to manipulate?" said Itachi-touto knowingly, and Shisui-chan and he shared a grim look at my nod.

"I tried doing what you were doing to the water too, but I couldn't," said Itachi-touto, a thin sliver of self-loathing flitting in his tone.

I gave Shisui-chan a look, and my best friend happily complied and gave Itachi-touto a whack upside the head. "Statistically, girls are naturally better at chakra manipulation, and your chakra was being drained by the sharingan. So stop guilt-tripping. Or so Aki-senpai says," he said dutifully, before giving me an expectant smile.

I laughed and patted the air in front of me, as though patting his head for a job well done.

Itachi-touto blushed, embarrassed that we'd caught on to his thought process so easily. "Silly Otouto," I said with a fond smile.

"So the water was saturated with chakra?" Minato-sama asked to pull us back to the matter at hand.

Shisui-chan nodded. "It's a jutsu that can't be replicated, and I think it was incomplete, but we'll get to that later. For now…"

He looked at Itachi-touto, and he nodded before saying in a factual voice, "The water was super-heated, but because you used your chakra to act as a barrier against it, we survived the heat _and_ force of the water. That, I think, is the reason Otouto survived that ordeal. But more than that, the fact that you couldn't manipulate the chakra means that someone had _that_ much chakra…"

Super-heated water…hang on…

"But people came to save us, right? If the water was super-heated, how on earth did they…? It can't have been that hot," I concluded.

Shisui-chan shook his head grimly. "By the time Mikoto-sama and Kakashi-san jumped into the water to save you three, I estimate that the water had cooled down by at least 200°c. They were scalded but only got some second-degree burns and blistering."

I paled dramatically, and Minato-sama's lips thinned in grim contemplation.

"B-but…that would mean the water was approximately _200°c_ …I mean, how…"

I'm supposed to be dead. Itachi-touto and Sa-chan are supposed to be _dead_.

Shisui-chan continued. "Luckily, the normal human body can survive fifty two degrees, and that a child can handle fifty four degrees, and because you both got second degree burns, I'm going to go ahead and assume that the temperature of the water was somewhere around 250°."

Minato-sama and Itachi-touto nodded, but all I could do was think, _what?_ The heat pain threshold of a normal adult is forty six degrees, and that's when they start _burning badly_. We were submerged in _two hundred and fifty degrees of burning hot water_ , and he's giving me these figures that make _no sense—_

Hang on…

"Um, Shisui-chan, I thought babies handled heat worse than adults."

He gave me a blank, confused look, and so did the other two men in the room. I looked at my bandaged hands, and mumbled, "Please excuse me while I contemplate my life."

They accepted my request and waited for me to get over the fact that shinobi babies were more resilient than adult shinobi, and that even _civilians_ in this world _trumped_ my old world in terms of durability.

Chakra is such a hack…

And I thought the sharingan was bad…this is ridiculous! I mean, in my old world, I'm _positive_ normal humans survived internal temperatures of 36.3°c - 37.3°c, and that they burned at an external temperature of forty six. Babies had it worse. But here, the limits are far above that, and I just…

Wow. Just, wow.

It's official. My world view has been shattered. Everything I know from my old world is a lie. This also explains how Uchiha Sasuke could breathe fire. And I'm betting because we're Uchiha, we have a higher heat threshold than the regular shinobi, _just because_.

Mind. Blown.

Moving on now.

"But that's still 250°c," I pointed out. "We were exposed to that temperature for a while before I managed to think about creating the lattice."

Itachi-touto looked at me funnily. "Aneki, it took you exactly two seconds to create the lattice. Why do you think we aren't dead?"

"B-but…it felt like it was a lot longer than that!" I exclaimed. I mean, wow, does my brain really go through ideas that fast?

I…I feel distinctly awesome right now.

"But it wasn't," said Itachi-touto firmly, and I had to accept his declaration—he was far better at time-keeping than me.

"Okay, continue," I said, motioning for Shisui-chan to go ahead.

"That's also why I think the jutsu was incomplete," he said seriously. "The water lost its super-heat affect, and the water bullet lost cohesion before it hit the evacuation shelters, which is what I'm assuming whoever or whatever cast the jutsu was aiming for. Meaning that whatever the jutsu was, it is not only chakra intensive, it can't be replicated, _and_ it's incomplete."

Minato-sama nodded. "It does seem that way. And you're right, it was the first time he'd used the jutsu—he collapsed afterwards, after all…"

The last bit seemed like he hadn't meant to say it out loud. "Minato-sama, you saw who cast the jutsu?" I asked as unobtrusively as possible, hoping against hope that he would share the events of the supposed Kyuubi Attack with us.

He blinked, coming out of his thoughts, before nodding slowly, as though weighing the pros and cons of letting us know even that much as he did it.

"Out of curiosity though, do you have any idea _how_ the water got that super-heated? Because the rain was hot, but not as hot as previously assumed, considering only a few people received third-degree burns, so the chakra...what did he do with it to make it that heated?"

We all sat and thought about this for a minute, and I sat down and thought about everything that I knew about water.

And by everything, I mean _everything_.

Delving back into memories of chemistry lessons and displayed formulae, chirality and optical isomerism, bonding and enthalpy, catalysts and polymerisation, entropy and pH gradients, buffer solutions and rate order calculations, the bittersweet triumph at understanding absolutely everything only _after_ the exam was over…

"Hydrogen bonds…" I whispered in awe.

My eyes were wide as memories flooded back, where we had the most tangential chemistry lesson ever because the smartest human I'd ever known had gotten bored and asked what would happen if the hydrogen bonds between water molecules could be replaced by something else. Also, something about Coulomb's law.

He'd been a fellow Naruto fan, so we'd actually discussed replacing intermolecular forces and hydrogen bonds with chakra, and…

Gah, I can't remember all of it anymore! Something about the distance between the bonds shortening, which may or may not create a pocket dimension (I think that was the tangent part…), depending on …epsilon zero? Something or other, and that would cause the water to superheat to a massive extent.

"Shisui-chan's right," I said soberly. "It isn't complete. If it was, the temperatures could easily reach over a thousand degrees."

Minato-sama gave me a short stare that basically told me to start elaborating. I took a deep breath.

"My best guess is that chakra was used to replace the electrostatic forces between the water molecules, which would theoretically increase the force between the water molecules, and that would increase the temperature. Then, the chakra holding the sphere in place would dissipate, causing an implosion of sorts…Basically, the forces between the water molecules caused the superheating, and if it was done correctly, and if a smaller sphere was used, it's likely that the temperatures could reach astronomical levels. It might actually be able to suck things into it due to the backlash of the chakra dissipating and the rapidly decreasing force between the water molecules."

Itachi-touto and Shisui-chan looked confused, and I suddenly realised that maybe they have no idea what electrostatic forces _means_.

But then I looked at Minato-sama, and he seemed to be looking at me with something akin to pride.

Phew, I'm in the clear!

Also, yay for tangential conversations with people I'll never ever see again…!

…I make myself sad sometimes.

"That sounds like the most plausible theory," said Minato-sama, and I beamed at him.

"I…don't think we need to know, Itachi-chama," Shisui-chan finally said. Itachi-touto nodded and I giggled at his dazed expression.

Minato-sama smiled brightly, before his eyes dimmed. 'And that brings me on to the third and final reason I'm here.'

We all straightened up a bit, because the mood had suddenly gotten extremely tense.

"I would have gone to Obito-kun for this, but I wasn't sure he'd be able to help, and I want to keep this as low key as possible for now…Akito-chan, I'd like you to identify someone for me," he said grimly.

I looked him in the eye, wondering what on earth was going on. Why couldn't he just ask whoever it was about their identity?

Oh wait…

"You want me to identify a corpse," I said flatly.

He nodded with a regretful grimace. I sighed. "Does this person have anything to do with the reason why Rin-chan is in the hospital?"

He nodded, as though having expected me to put two and two together.

Shisui-chan and I shared a look, before I nodded, indicating that I would help with the corpse's identification, already suspecting it to be Uchiha Madara, because who else could it be?

But when he unsealed the body from a scroll and I got a good look at the body…

"Who is that?" asked Itachi-touto in mild confusion. I absentmindedly noted that he'd gotten that desensitized to death that this didn't even faze him.

But I was a little more preoccupied trying to figure out what was wrong with my eyes, because that _can't_ be…

"Ureshi-nee-chan?"

I looked at Shisui-chan for confirmation, and he nodded, just as shocked as I was.

"Tell me everything you know about her," Minato-sama ordered, and I readily complied.

"Uchiha Ureshi, twenty one years old, Jounin, poison specialist. She's a bit sadistic, but nothing out of the ordinary, she wasn't ambitious, she took pride in her work, she made the best omurice, and she was labelled KIA nearly five months ago, a few weeks after the Great Backstabbing. She…she was _dead_. We held her funeral and everything. She's…she's not a frontline fighter, and she never wanted to be," I said, firmly at the end.

Shisui-chan nodded, letting me know that I'd gotten all of the facts right. It's nice to have a walking talking fact checker.

Minato-sama hummed in contemplation. "Anything else you'd like to tell me?" he asked.

I looked at Shisui-chan in askance, and he looked back at me with a look of equanimity. The only thing that came to mind was Uchiha Inabi and the fact that they were lovers. But…if I'm wrong, I'll have led the one man that can make the most difference astray, and I didn't want that.

"It would be helpful if you told us the whole story, and it would be easier to work out any details I may have forgotten," I said.

He looked at me with an unreadable expression, and then said, "I wasn't really going to tell _anyone_ about this…but _you_ …"

Shisui-chan got up and helped Itachi-touto up. "I take it you would like us to leave, Minato-sama?"

Minato-sama ran a hand through his messy blond hair and nodded. "That would be very helpful, thank you."

"Otouto, you're recovering! You shouldn't be moving about! Here," I said, trying to sit up with great difficulty. "I'll go."

Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto both yelled "No!" in sync, and is it weird that I feel strangely proud of that?

Itachi-touto brushed his chin-length hair out of his face. "You're far more injured than me, Aneki. Please, we'll go."

He looked so constipatedly serious that I simply didn't have the heart to argue. "Can't argue with that face, can I?" I said with a grin, and they both left before I could change my mind.

Shisui-chan closed the door behind him, and Minato-sama moved to the door and placed a seal on it.

I'm assuming it's a sort of secret-secret seal, but then he placed one on the window, the ceiling, all four walls and even the _ceiling_.

"Isn't that a little too overboard?" I asked conversationally, and he just came up to me and ruffled my hair. Which looked like a bird's nest I might add, and in need of major detangling.

He sat down and I couldn't help but say, "You can trust them, you know. Shisui-chan and Otouto."

He gave me a smile and said, "It isn't that I don't trust them. Also, I'm not telling you _just_ because I trust you. In fact, I'm not even…no, the reason I'm telling you is because I actually want to discuss this with someone who doesn't have any ulterior motives, invested interests, or any sort of reason to kiss up to me. In short, I need a proper sounding board."

"Harsh Minato-sama, harsh," I said with a fake wince, and he grinned and apologised in a ridiculously woebegone manner. "Sound away, then."

"Nothing major happened until after Naruto was born, where Uchiha Ureshi, who was wearing a purple mask—here, look at it," he said, taking out another scroll and, with a puff, there appeared a mask not dissimilar to the one Tobi started wearing after the orange one. I held it carefully, almost reverently, because I'd almost forgotten that this had once been a story.

Almost.

"She took Naruto and ran, absolutely no confrontation. I sent Rin-chan after her, and I…was otherwise pre-occupied," he stopped here for a second, as though unsure of how to justify not having gone after his son without revealing that he was resealing the Kyuubi into his wife, but I'm not an idiot, so I just gave him a firm nod and silently asked him to proceed.

"After I was…done with my business, I used my hiraishin to reach Rin-chan, who was holding Naruto and fending off senbon from the masked—I mean, Ureshi. It didn't take me very long to kill her, and she didn't reveal anything about herself. But, I thought her mannerisms were familiar, and after I took off the mask and realised she was an Uchiha, I knew why."

He looked at me evenly. "She moved like a cat; like you."

I nearly started giggling. "Maa, Minato-sama, all us Uchiha are catty. Don't worry about offending me," I said with an unassuming smile.

His posture relaxed minutely, and it was then that I was able to tell that it had actually worried him that I might take offense to him likening me to someone who had kidnapped his son.

Which, now that I think about it, _is_ something normal people get offended about…oh well. I never said I was normal.

"And then Kushina came upon us, being her lovely irrational self," he said with a wry fondness that made me squee in fangirl glee, "accusing me of adultery and necrophilia, among other things. Then it started raining. I went to check out what was happening, and there was another masked person standing on the main gates, and it was like he had started the rain, which I'm inclined to believe he did, even though it's ridiculously farfetched. He created that water bullet and just—just flung it outwards, like a child throwing a temper tantrum…" Minato-sama trailed off, his mind trying to work out a puzzle that he didn't have all the pieces to.

Mine on the other hand, was already trying to give itself an early concussion with how much I was beating myself up about this.

"Anyway," continued Minato-sama. 'The minute he released the jutsu, he collapsed and…this plant-person-thing materialised out of the ground and tried to take him away. I managed to hit both of them with a Rasengan, but I don't think either one of them is dead. They got away before I could get a close look under the broken mask."

With his story concluded, I bet he expected me to say something. I would like to have obliged, but I was still digesting the fact that ZETSU had been within spitting distance of Namikaze Minato, and yet he was still here, with me, and not six feet under or being used as a mind slave.

"Minato-sama, I'm so glad you're alive," I said, my voice heavy with an emotion that I couldn't identify until a little later—relief. Sheer, bone-numbing relief that he was _alive_ , because I never expected him to be.

I mean, I never set about trying to change the Kyuubi Attack. And here I was sat, having done it anyway.

Kami-sama, I'm so ridiculously glad he's alive!

He moved over to me and gave me a hug. "It's okay, Akito-chan," he said soothingly. "I'm here."

I didn't cry, but I did let out a watery chuckle. Then, I said, "It sounds like a distraction."

Minato-sama moved away, and I saw his eyes flash in comprehension. "That would explain why she didn't confront—she just ran—she lured me away, didn't she? That was her main purpose, because as you said, she wasn't a frontline fighter. Anyone with half a brain could tell that she was going to lose the battle from the start. She just needed to get me away. But why?"

I sat there, letting him work out that the target would have to be someone that was guaranteed to be there, ruling out Biwako-sama, Rin-chan or even Naruto because there was no guarantee that it wouldn't be a miscarriage.

Well, no guarantee for _them_ at any rate.

"Kushina…" he whispered in dawning dread. "But she seems fine. Absolutely _fine_. She's at home right now with Naruto-chan, and Jiraiya-sensei is with them as well."

"Wait," I said. " _Nothing_ out of the ordinary?"

He nodded. "Yes, absolutely nothing. She's her usual crazy self, with a bit more of the 'touch my baby and you die, you pervy sannin!' and a bit less of the 'Minato, I want chamomile flowers for dessert!'"

I couldn't help but laugh at his Kushina impressions, and I love this couple _so much!_

"I didn't know chamomile flowers were a delicacy," I said innocently.

"They're not," he said exasperatedly. "But Kushina doesn't like listening to reason at four o'clock in the morning. Or any o'clock for that matter."

I chuckled. "So if she's fine, what was the distraction for?"

Minato-sama thought about this for a second. "The water jutsu?"

It was my turn to think about this for a second. Is that possible? But… "No, that scream of pain was _raw_ , Minato-sama, and everyone heard it. Not to mention, Shisui-chan is right; the jutsu wasn't complete, and that reeks of spur-of-the-moment."

Minato-sama nodded, agreeing with my assessment. "You know who the second masked person is."

It wasn't a question, and I suppose it was kind of obvious that I would know. I nodded, before sighing and saying, "Uchiha Ureshi had a lover—Uchiha Inabi."

Minato-sama blinked. "Wait, you mean the Uchiha that died in the Great Backstabbing? The one we had an actual _body_ for?"

I nodded. "It seems farfetched, but I can't think of anyone else. Not to mention…well, the Great Backstabbing happened for a reason.

"So he flipped out, killed three high-ranking Jounin and, what? Decided to run off and fake his girlfriend's death and try to kill my wife and son?"

When put like that, it sounds like the most retarded thing ever. But, the thing is, Madara must have needed a recruit, the more Uchiha the better. He didn't have Obito-kun as a puppet anymore, and so he must have needed to fill in the gap. If Ureshi-nee-chan—no, just Ureshi—hadn't been right in front of me, I wouldn't have been able to figure out who the other masked person was. But someone who would go into a rage-fit if she died, _and_ who had the Sharingan? I mean, sure, another Uchiha could have been taken more discreetly, and it was possible to fall madly in love with someone in five months, give or take a few weeks, but…

The image of Uchiha Inabi's dead body surfaced to my mind, and the feeling that something was just…off about it.

It could have been a White Zetsu clone, because it was an exact replica. Call it a gut instinct, but that body just didn't feel right. I'd brushed it off before, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the correct answer.

Uchiha Inabi was the new Tobi.

"No. He must have been specifically targeted, because he could _never_ have beaten all three of them with his skill level. I mean, he was a member of the KMPF, so he was strong, but he wasn't _that_ strong. Not enough to beat Akimichi-sama, especially when it would be three against one."

"So you think that someone wanted Uchiha Inabi, and so they killed the other three as collateral damage? Chouza-kun's death was _collateral damage_?" Minato-sama nearly growled, and it hurt all over again to know I'd made it happen.

"That's my theory."

"That plant-person-thing would have been sneaky enough to manage it, I suppose," Minato-sama mused after taking a few deep breaths. "And so one mystery has been solved, potentially. Now the question is, what's their end game?"

Minato-sama and I both sunk into deep thought, and for a while, we stayed like that, going over everything we'd learned.

Then, he got up and unsealed the door, opening it and calling Shisui-chan and Itachi-touto in. It dawned on me that he'd put so many secret-secret seals in place so that _Zetsu_ wouldn't be able to spy on us. Minato-sama is just awesome like that.

They came in with a packet of raspberry juice for me, and I thanked them for it happily.

"Well, I'll leave you three for now," said Minato-sama, getting up to leave.

Shisui-chan narrowed his eyes for a second, and then asked, "What are you going to do with the body?"

I tensed instantly. What _was_ he going to do with the body?

Minato-sama sighed. "It seems I have no choice but to turn it over to T&I, even though I know everything I need to know. The reason for this disaster…well, it was her, wasn't it?"

Shisui-chan's eyes blanked, and a split second before he did it, I knew what he was planning on doing.

And I didn't stop him.

He rapidly went through the hand seals for a mini Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu, and then released a concentrated stream of fire, burning Ureshi's face into an unrecognisable charred mess.

Minato-sama could have stopped him too. He hadn't.

Shisui-chan then went about ripping any and all of the Uchiha clan symbols from the corpse, hacking them off with the standard academy kunai.

Itachi-touto looked horrified, in his understated way. "Why did you…?"

Shisui-chan looked at Minato-sama sharply, something adult and ancient lighting up his eyes. "The perpetrator was not an Uchiha."

Minato-sama gazed at him evenly.

"We're _not_ going to go back to the way it was before just because of _one_ person," Shisui-chan almost snarled. Almost. "This was not done by an Uchiha."

Minato-sama continued gazing at him evenly, before taking out a piece of coal from his kunai pouch.

Shisui-chan and I both tensed, he in case he needed to dodge, and me in case I needed to intervene to protect him. Instead, Minato-sama began drawing symbols on Ureshi's body, and they glowed chakra blue before seeping into her skin.

"The perpetrator was caught, but just before she died, she must have used the last bit of her strength to activate a seal that not only burnt her own face and made her impossible to recognise," said Minato-sama nonchalantly, "But it also caused all the blood to dry up in her body and make it impossible for any sort of dental work or marrow sample to identify her, only revealing the information that she was human and a female. How…unfortunate."

Shisui-chan nodded. "Very unfortunate."

With that, Minato-sama resealed the body and the mask, before taking his leave, ruffling my hair and squeezing Itachi-touto's shoulder. He also shook Shisui-chan's hands, as though sealing a promise.

"We're going to lie," said Itachi-touto.

"Yes, yes we are," I replied.

"So does that mean that, as long as lying is justifiable, it is acceptable?" he asked, and I knew I had to tread carefully. The boy was five, and he was impressionable and vulnerable to what I said.

"No, we're not covering up a truth, Otouto. We're simply neglecting to inform anyone that Minato-sama knows who the perpetrator is," I said, hoping it was the right answer.

"So if it's to cover up the truth for a good cause, it's acceptable to lie," he stated.

Shisui-chan then said, "It's not, technically speaking, a lie. I mean, Uchiha Ureshi was declared KIA nearly five months ago. She no longer counts as an Uchiha. She technically _wasn't_ an Uchiha, because to be an Uchiha means to be accountable to the whole clan. She wasn't acting very accountably, in my opinion."

Itachi-touto looked grim. "So lying is alright if it's not technically lying, just choosing to ignore facts?"

I sighed at this, accepting that there was no nice way to say this. "We're not lying to ourselves, Otouto, and we're not lying to our Hokage. We're not lying to people we trust to keep the secret. And as long as we do that, I don't think protecting our family from being treated like criminals by association is a bad thing."

Itachi-touto's expression cleared up. I hope it cleared up for the right reasons and I hadn't mucked him up completely. "There are still so many intricacies that I have to learn…so many different types of acceptables…I still have so much to learn about being human," he said, almost to himself.

Shisui-chan grinned. "We all have a lot to learn, especially this one here!" he exclaimed cheekily, pointing at me with his thumb. "Fire user and didn't even know the temperature threshold!"

I pouted mockingly. "I'll have you know that I'd been blending in with the humans almost seamlessly until _you_ showed up!"

Shisui-chan stuck his tongue out at me, and I stuck mine out right back at him. We both burst out laughing, and Itachi-touto joined in.

And we had blistering burns that really needed immediate medical attention, but _whatever_ right?, and the issues our world faces haven't gone away, and we've got a lot of work ahead of us.

But one step at a time right?

This secret, this _lie_ …it was the first true sin I ever committed since being reborn into this world.

I never regretted it.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Kushina squirmed in her bed, her crimson hair fanning across the pillow she rested upon as sweat beaded down her face. Her breath came out in harsh huffs, and her eyelids fluttered with every mindless hallucination she saw.

Through her blood, the purple liquid throbbed and bubbled, latching onto cell receptors and blocking them, diffusing through her brain and addling it.

Uchiha Ureshi had been very good at creating new poisons, but this one was a stroke of sheer brilliance.

Concentrated manganese with trace other compounds to allow it to dissolve into the system, and Ureshi had given the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi manganism. And the best part about it was that _no one would pick up on it_ , not until it was too late.

And by the time it was too late, Black Zetsu or her partner would dispose of the red-haired Uzumaki Jounin with no one any the wiser.

It was so easy to misdiagnose manganism, so easy to overlook the disease because Uzumaki Kushina would never have inhaled any manganese fumes, which was the only known way of getting the disease after all.

The hallucinations would get worse, her irrationality would increase along with her paranoia, and then the tremors and jerky movement would start, and by then it would be irreversible.

The purple liquid throbbed and bubbled, latching onto cell receptors and blocking them, diffusing through her brain—

And bringing her closer and closer to death.

The clock on the side table ticked.

* * *

It was early morning, and a medic had clearly been in to check on us because all that was left of the damage I'd sustained was the scarring.

I'd finally gotten the details about our injuries, and I'd even been able to go see Sa-chan, who looked like he'd been rubbed raw and then bathed in salt. It was a miracle none of us got any infections. Apparently, all three of us had had superficial dermal burns as well as quite a few deep dermal burns. And was it ridiculously unlucky that the only person of the three of us that got a third-degree burn that would leave a permanent scar was the not-even-three-months-old-yet baby brother of mine?

That literally _sucks_ , but at least he doesn't have charred skin like Itachi-touto seems to have acquired on his back, or the swelling and severe blistering I seemed to have gained. All three of our eyes were miraculously safe—and by miraculous, I genuinely mean miraculous—freaking ridiculous, these chakra hacks…

I was holding a clump of my sweaty hair in my hands and pouting at it, the task of fixing it becoming more and more daunting. See, this is why Okaa-san and I shouldn't be having this…whatever this is. I'd call it a fight, except it isn't really.

She always combed my hair, always managed to tame the Medusa beast that was the growths from my scalp, and make them look almost shampoo advertisement level beautiful.

Itachi-touto had been discharged an hour ago, but I was still here because my chakra exhaustion really was nothing to sneeze it. Among other things, that was one of the first reasons I would have died.

I was thinking of what exactly I should say to Okaa-san (she saved my life, didn't she? She jumped into scalding water without a thought and yanked _me_ with her, and she didn't have to, so she _must_ love me, right? I mean, she can't _hate_ me at the very least…) when lo and behold, Okaa-san gracefully swam into the room, an angry red scar scabbing over on her face.

In her hands, she had a pot of goopy white cream, and she looked startled at seeing me awake.

"Good morning," I said, unsure of how to proceed.

It seems I wasn't the only one. It had now been an official three days since we hadn't spoken to each other, which wasn't actually all that long, especially considering that one of those days was _October the tenth_.

"Good morning. Are you feeling better?" she asked carefully.

I nodded, having nothing else to say.

Was it always this hard to talk to Okaa-san?

Because I remember hours of conversations about meaningless and meaningful things as she oiled and combed my hair, and as she taught me how to cook, how to dance, how to throw multiple shuriken at moving targets (through a trial and error method, but still!), how to write, how to read, and how to be a lady and still kick ass.

I mean…Okaa-san has taught me practically every skill I use in this universe. I would be a sitting duck without her, and I never knew it would be so _hard_ to look at her face and not see the twisted expression on it as she said she wished I'd never been born.

She hovered near my footrest uncertainly, before moving to the side-table and placing the pot of goopy cream on it casually.

"Apply that to your face every six hours—it'll get rid of the scarring like as if it was never there," she said, and it almost felt like nothing had happened at all.

The pause extended, becoming painful.

"Can we talk?" I asked quietly, the question hovering over us like the grim reaper on this almost rage-inducingly bright day.

"Later," she said, and it was a promise.

She left the room, but the day didn't seem all that dreadful anymore.

* * *

Minato looked at the rubble around them.

Itachi looked at the rubble around them.

Shisui looked at the minion army behind them.

"Alright! Let's get as much of this cleared up as possible! Divide into groups of four! Itachi-chama has the equipment! The quicker we get this done, the quicker we can have an Akito-Field-Trip!"

The crowd cheered.

They set to work.

Minato gave himself a pat on the back for coming up with this easy method of finding volunteers.

But what surprised him was the naturally commanding ease with which Shisui ordered the children around.

Hmmm…must come with the premise of being Akito's best friend.

An ANBU with a blank mask hovered in the background, before taking his mask off and casting a low level henge and blending in with the crowd, helping them clear the rubble.

Later, he would go to the Orphanage in disguise and help too.

As long as Danzou-sama didn't call him, he would be himself—the Kabuto that just wanted to help his family.

He'd reassured himself that Akito would be fine, and only then had he gone to clear up, rueful that he had been sent out on a mission that very day by Danzou-sama (he hadn't expected that, so he'd promised to bring Akito some sweets—something she'd remember too, annoyingly enough).

Minato hiraishin-ed away.

Shisui picked up a shovel and went to the disguised Kabuto. They worked quietly side-by-side, both happily aware of exactly who the other was, and how much the other knew.

That was, after all, the way their friendship worked.

* * *

A day after the Night of Boiling Rain—which had really been evening, if people were going to be technical about it—Minato headed towards the Council Room in his Hokage hat and robes, ready for the onslaught of abuse he was going to be getting, as was the usual case whenever there was a Council Meeting to decide _anything_.

He opened the door, arranging his face into a neutral-engaged expression that had served him well in his professional life, and stepped into the room filled with clan heads and council elders.

He barely glanced at the standing men and women, internally analysing the positions of everyone in the room and gauging the tensions between the clans, already predicting how this meeting was going to go.

That was perfectly alright—he'd prepared notes.

"Let the meeting commence," he said as he sat down.

The other people in the room bowed and followed suit. He clocked everyone's new positions, noting with satisfaction that none of their expressions were too closed off or aggressive. This boded well.

Sarutobi Hiruzen was present, along with the Elder Council (Danzou-sama's expression was as passive as ever, Minato noted dispassionately), two thirds of the Ino-Shika-Chou Clan Heads (it was a stab in the gut every time he was reminded that _Chouza-kun no longer_ _ **existed**_ ), Akimichi Kimi, Uchiha Fugaku, Hyuuga Hiashi, Inuzuka Tsume, Aburame Shibi, Yūhi Mirai, Orochimaru…

With all the nineteen people accounted for, Minato began the proceedings.

"Personnel report, if you please, Mitokado-sama," he said calmly.

The old man cleared his throat and spoke clearly, "The fatality figures are still unknown. However, it is an estimated two hundred, with a four-fifth approximation of civilian fatalities. Casualty rates are mounting as we speak, with the rough figure standing at well over one thousand and counting, ranging from superficial to critical. Property damage is extensive with almost all roofs in the village requiring repairs, especially as there is a chance of a sudden freak shower occurring again. The Southern District has no usable shelters, with the whole housing and sewage network requiring repair work – estimated time required: eight months, at a steady output. The infrastructure is damaged beyond belief, Hokage-sama, and in my humble opinion, we are ripe for an attack as we speak."

With his bit said, Mitokado Homura sat back down, adjusting his glasses with a practised finger.

"That's a ridiculously high casualty rate," observed Nara Shikaku coolly.

Inuzuka Tsume growled in affirmation. "The hospital can't cope with those kinds of numbers!"

Akimichi Kimi added her two cents. "The medics are overworked as it is, after all."

"Then they will push through, as we all will, because that is their job," intoned Shimura Danzou, with several nods of assent from the room.

Minato spoke up as well. "It isn't an ideal situation, however there really isn't much we _can_ do—people require treatment, the medics give the treatment, and there aren't all that many medics. These are all facts that can't be denied. With that said, the hospital budget—"

They spent a further ten minutes discussing the huge increase required in the hospital budget and exactly where the money was going to come from. The missions output was also discussed, because with such a high fatality and casualty rate, it might not be sustainable to continue sending shinobi out for missions.

"In the end, there are enough shinobi with superficial injuries that there doesn't seem to be a reason to reject too many missions, Yondaime-sama," concluded Shikaku, looking over the papers in front of him.

Several nods from around the table indicated that the topic was closed for now. "Very well. I will personally regulate the mission assignments for the next few months, before a priority list can be drawn up. If you would, please send an able-bodied personnel list to my office, Inoichi-san," said Minato, closing the topic for now.

Yamanaka Inoichi nodded dutifully, already jotting down notes on one of the sheets of paper in front of him—he was in charge of T&I after all, and would be the highest ranking person to have access to the medical files without having to go through too much red tape.

"If I may ask," Orochimaru cut the relatively amiable silence, "it has been bothering me slightly that the evacuation alarm was sounded so early. Who began the evacuation process?"

Minato was also curious about this, and so turned to Uchiha Fugaku. "I believe the KMPF began the evacuation process?"

Fugaku looked as stoic as ever, however there was something very guarded in his expression that made Minato think a private meeting was necessary to receive the truth. "Yes Yondaime-sama, the KMPF began the evacuation process due to an anonymous tip off."

Yūhi Mirai scoffed. " _An anonymous tip off_. What nonsense! And the Uchiha listened without checking any of the sources?"

Minato sat back and watched the verbal showdown, eager to glean more about the dynamics between the different clans—he was civilian-raised after all, and had had to learn the way the clan system functioned the hard way.

"Did _you_ not feel the sense of foreboding Mirai-san? I had a half mind to begin the evacuation process without that tip off, but I didn't think it prudent to base it on just my gut feeling—clearly, I wasn't the only one who felt the same."

"If you ask me," said Mirai, righteous fury in his face, "the Uchiha have far too much control over the village, _and they don't deserve it_."

Fugaku bristled in indignation, while the rest of the clans remained neutral. "I don't think anyone _did_ ask you, but if I ever have a burning need for retarded statements, Mirai-san, I'll be sure to do so," Fugaku said with an even tone.

"That won't be too far into the future, I suspect," muttered Hyuuga Hiashi in a carrying voice.

"Enough," said Shikaku dryly, when Fugaku opened his mouth for a retort. "We've got a destroyed village, war threats looming over our heads and a non-existent budget. We'll have time for childish bickering later, I'm sure."

It was silent for a beat, before Minato nodded his assent. "We will discuss this further later, Fugaku-san. For now, we must move on to more pressing matters, as Shikaku-san said. Namely, the infrastructural damage and fallout."

A map of Konoha was brought to the table and several people pored over it. Uchiha Fugaku was given a red pen to circle the areas of the village with the worst impacted infrastructure, and then a blue pen to highlight the ones that needed immediate attention.

When he was done, there was a sizeable portion of the village covered in red and blue; it was a daunting prospect that the shinobi in the room had to force themselves to comprehend—nothing at this massive scale of damage had occurred since the founding of Konoha.

"There's so much…" muttered Akimichi Kimi.

Utatane Koharu and Sarutobi Hiruzen exchanged a glance. "Conscription will be required for this, Minato-kun," said Hiruzen.

Minato nodded. "It's already begun. For now though, we'll focus on where we should get the supplies."

Another twenty minutes of task-delegation and arguing later, Shimura Danzou brought up the topic he was most eager to discuss, and which Minato had prepared for very carefully, having foreseen this turn of events.

"Where will the homeless be situated?" asked Danzou after the last argument—something about Inuzuka Tsume's grandmother and brick-laying, although no one was quite sure _what_ Hiashi was insinuating except for Hiashi, not even Tsume.

Several mutterings began, with the first to speak up being Orochimaru. "We haven't tested the extent of the long-term effects yet. The aquifer or the soil itself could be a potential hazard because of the Boiling Rain."

Shikaku confirmed this with a grunt of affirmation. "In the meantime, the evacuation shelters aren't built for keeping so many people in them for more than five days. This problem needs to be addressed quickly."

Hagane Mitabi, who had arrived to the meeting late because he'd been in the middle of an operation and had only spoken up during the hospital budget debate, decided that his opinion might actually be listened to at least _this_ time, because Kami-sama knows he'd been trying to get this order pushed for _years_ now.

"I propose an expansion," he said, and several people around the room groaned—this was an oft-heard precursor to a pointless debate that had been argued to death. Hagane-sensei glared petulantly.

Minato, on the other hand, had decided that this was actually the first time the idea might be a feasible endeavour. "Let's hear the basics—basics only, please, Hagane-sensei—of the expansion you have in mind."

Shikaku, Danzou, Orochimaru and Hiruzen all sat up in their seats, visibly flustered for the first time during this meeting. "Yondaime-sama…" began Shikaku.

"The budget we have is stretched as it is, Minato-kun. We can't _afford_ to expand the village!" Hiruzen half-yelled, the argument that had usually shut down the idea for the expansion immediately previously, but it was even more prudent this time, seeing as how they _really_ didn't have any money to work with.

Minato tilted his head forward in acknowledgement, but motioned for Hagane-sensei to speak anyway.

He stood up and cleared his throat uncomfortably, unsure of what to do now that it seemed the Hokage was on his side. "The hospital hasn't been able to keep pace with the population boom, and certainly not the predicted figures. There aren't enough beds, nor enough operating tables, nor enough rooms to put the beds and operating tables. The equipment, as we've kept going on about for the last twelve years _at least_ , isn't up-to-date, and there aren't enough places to train the potential medics, even though there aren't many of them to begin with."

He took a breath, having gone slightly off topic—he was excused by the majority, seeing as how he looked to not have slept _at all_ in the last 48 hours, which wasn't far from the truth; the hospital staff was literally being treated like rubber balloons, they were _that_ stretched thin.

"The Hospital League has been pushing for a hospital expansion, which has recently been amended to a demand for village expansion as well, when the predicted population increase is taken into account," he concluded, his head spinning from the standing up he'd had to do while addressing the Council.

He sent a pulse of green chakra through his body, and popped a soldier pill (his third one, and he knew that in a few hours, he was going to _crash_ so _hard_ ) into his mouth. In a few blinks, his vision cleared up. Minato looked at the gathered Council. "In light of the fact that we have to invest in infrastructural rebuilding anyway, I propose we go ahead with the village expansion—there's enough of a clearing on the other side of the Eastern District wall, and I believe that would be the best place to situate another district, and another hospital building."

Cries of indignation rang out around the room, and Hagane-sensei may have been the loudest. "Hokage-sama, we don't have the _manpower_ for TWO hospitals!"

Minato raised a hand to silence them all. Reluctantly, they did so.

"I understand that it isn't going to be easy on the hospital staff or the academy funding," he began, well aware of exactly how much effort it took for the academy to get the new trainees even remotely interested in the Medical Corps—they failed most of the time, but the academy had to fund the further education of the medic trainees, largely because the hospital couldn't afford it. He read a letter of complaint about the state of affairs nearly every day after all. "But there isn't any room to manoeuvre around Konoha Hospital, Hagane-sensei, and despite the civilians belief that we are magicians, we don't actually have the ability to delocalise an entire unaffected district because the hospital needs an expansion, no matter how much of an urgency the endeavour begets."

Minato mentally patted himself on the back for getting all those words out in a coherent order—he himself had only had about three hours of sleep since four o'clock in the morning on October the tenth. Some people tittered at his lame joke, which confirmed his suspicion that the majority of the Council was only in slightly better shape than he was.

However, no one was going to deny that Hagane-sensei had had the least amount of sleep, and had the most strenuous job—they weren't idiots, after all.

"Additionally, with an expansion in the Eastern District, the Konoha Hospital won't be close enough—and it's more closely linked to the Southern and Western Districts _anyway_ , so this needed to be done—so another hospital seems like the only viable option. It will take time—"

"Too long, Yondaime-sama," Danzou cut in. "Konoha can't afford to invest in something now that won't bear fruit until it is too late."

Minato quirked an eyebrow at him, some clan heads cluing into the fact that this was something their Hokage had been waiting for, and everyone in the room understanding that Shimura Danzou had outright disrespected the Hokage by cutting him off mid-sentence, and he didn't appreciate it.

"Are you insinuating Konoha won't last another ten years, Danzou-sama?" he asked politely, even adding an innocent head tilt in for good measure.

Kami-sama he needed sleep…

Danzou's face was impassive as ever. "That was never my intention, Yondaime-sama. I was merely stating that the expenses to build and equip an entire hospital at the scale you're suggesting is impractical and unfeasible, if you'll pardon the insinuation."

Shikaku coughed, practically _hearing_ Danzou's implication that Minato wasn't fit to make such a huge decision because he didn't have the brain capacity to think things through. _This is going to be soooo awkward…_ he thought, before blinking in surprise. Huh. He really needed to get some sleep…

All Inoichi could think was, _oh snap!_ _He did_ _ **not**_ _just go there!_

This, unfortunately, was the normal thinking process of the Yamanaka Clan Head, so he didn't bother to blame lack of sleep for his addled thoughts.

Minato's smile became slightly savage in how perfectly put-together it was.

"But it isn't, Danzou-sama, because I've already done all the calculations, and while it will be hard, I didn't say anything about it having to be immediately up and running for the one thousand plus wounded at _this_ current point in time. But of course, senescence does make one miss some details…if you'll pardon the insinuation," he said calmly, as perfectly polite as ever.

Tsume grinned. Only Minato could stab someone in the gut with a blunted knife and still politely apologise for staining the victim's rug, and make it seem like the _normal_ thing to do. See this? _This_ is why she'd thrown a party when Minato had become Hokage.

Danzou didn't even blink, but Hiruzen, having known him since they were children, could instantly tell that Minato had struck a festering nerve.

"As long as Yondaime-sama seems to have it under control, I will withhold my opinions on the matter," Danzou said diplomatically, realising that he'd crossed some invisible line.

But Minato wasn't quite through with him yet—he could play the long game too, after all. _I mean, it took me nine years to get Kushina to go on a date with me. Nine. Whole. Years. This is child's play in comparison._

He tilted his head forward, arranging his expression into a more naturally polite expression. 'The question does remain, however, as to how long it will take to get the Eastern District wall to come down.'

Minato was pretty sure he'd just worded that weirdly, but when people nodded in acknowledgement of his statement, he figured only Hyuuga Hiashi noticed it, being a stickler for practically _everything_ as he was.

"I will look into it, Yondaime-sama," volunteered Aburame Shibi, and did it make Minato a bad Hokage that he'd forgotten Shibi-san was even _there_?

 _I swear, Kushina's rubbing off on me a bit too much…_

"Thank you, Shibi-san," he said, mentally slamming his head against a metaphorical wall repeatedly to try and stay awake.

It wasn't helping.

He took a sip of his caffeinated beverage, the origins of which didn't really matter because he _needed_ the stimulant.

Hiashi brought up the point that Minato had been hoping Danzou would bring up. "Who will the permanent residents of the New Eastern District be? I'm assuming it needs to be an expedited endeavour."

Shikaku nodded his support to that question and assumption. 'There will need to be temporary residents as well, seeing as how the Southern District especially is a mess. Completely uninhabitable until some clearing work is done. The sooner we begin the building, the better.'

"Make-shift tents?" suggested Mirai, and with that idea accepted, it came down to _who_ would be the permanent residents, and who would be the temporary residents.

Fugaku picked up a list of the homeless families, his ego somewhat bruised that his name was also on that list, and a headache forming when he truly saw actual proof that not a single Uchiha had a place of residence, with the only exception, his mind pointed out, being Uchiha Obito and his grandmother, because they were listed as second residents of Ha no Hiroba, Apartment Block F, number 7.

 _I still don't approve of that relationship,_ he thought not unkindly, _but at least that's one less headache. Thank Kami-sama for Nohara Rin._

Why did he know these things? His daughter talked a mile a minute, and it was his Kami-appointed fatherly duty to listen.

"There are…more Uchiha on this list than any other family, clan or clanless," he said, trying very hard not to simply outright say _'You'd better give us first priority on that land dammit! I want a proper shower!'_

Hiashi quirked his lips, his quiet smugness at the Uchiha Clan Head's humiliation almost tangible. All that was missing was thunder in the background and a Mandark laugh.

Danzou said, "Then it is settled. The Uchiha will be relegated to the New Eastern District. The rest of the families affected will remain in the make-shift shelter until the Southern District is cleared out, and then they will move back in."

Fugaku blinked. "Just for clarification, Shimura-sama, but it almost sounded as though you were saying that the Uchiha are to be the permanent residents of the New Eastern District."

Danzou gazed at him steadily. "Is there a problem, Uchiha-san? With the new hospital, the spacious training grounds available in the Eastern District and the water reservoir, it seems the ideal location for the Uchiha."

The other seventeen candidates of the Council saw no problem with this, and Minato, had he not had a feeling about the end game that Danzou was planning—pushing them into a literal corner and then killing them all off 'naturally'—he wouldn't have thought there was anything wrong with this suggestion. In fact, he might even have just thought that Fugaku was being too resistant to change, and that was the only reason he felt uncomfortable about the idea of changing districts.

But then, well, Akito existed, and that changed things, didn't it?

Because Minato _did_ have an idea as to what Danzou was planning, Minato _did_ know how important it was to the Uchiha to be a central part of the village their ancestors helped founded, Minato _did_ understand that Fugaku wasn't resistant to change simply because he was a "conservative tosser" but because the entire clan _liked_ mingling with the people they worked with, and had been mingling for the last eighty odd years, and Minato _did_ know that shutting the Uchiha into a remote corner of the village was a _bad idea_ , of the apocalyptical variety.

Fugaku retorted with, "The location is too far away for the KMPF to be able to take action if a crisis occurs!" because it went without saying that the KMPF Headquarters, which had been reduced to rubble, would also have to be rebuilt, and it _would_ be rebuilt where the Uchiha stayed.

Danzou evenly said, "The ANBU is more than capable of dealing with any crises that occur."

The clipped sentence left Fugaku spluttering, unable to formulate words at the rage caused by the dismissive tone of Danzou's voice. "Th-that's..!"

Minato felt a surge of triumph at Danzou's words. "Domestic crises are not under the jurisdiction of the ANBU, Danzou-sama. Surely you knew that?"

Inoichi, for some inexplicable reason, was feeling giddy. _This is going to be so much fun! So much sass! Tension! Fuck, maybe I do need sleep!_ He discreetly slammed his head against the table. Akimichi Kimi stared at him with a barely hidden 'what the heck?!' expression.

Her son never did inherit that look…

Danzou passively stared at the smiling Yondaime, seething internally. With an even voice he said, "Of course, but they are far more qualified to deal with situations more efficiently."'

"That is still not their purpose, Danzou-sama, no matter what you might think. The KMPF is trained to specifically deal with domestic issues—the ANBU is, emphatically, _not_. You're not honestly suggesting we put _more_ on their plates, are you? Not to mention, the KMPF itself…there will be so much _paperwork_ involved to promote several of them to Jounin status, and they're so much better suited to handle things that you—I mean, _we_ , excuse the slip, don't understand. Am I right, Fugaku-san?" said Minato, eyes not leaving Danzou, polite smile still firmly fixed, eyes razor sharp in their intensity.

Minato was on a roll.

Fugaku gaped, but recovered quickly. "Y-yes, that is correct Hokage-sama. We put our members through a specific type of training that lasts six weeks minimum, and then they work for a month under supervision. The affairs dealt with by the ANBU and the affairs dealt with by the KMPF are vastly different."

Danzou's jaw imperceptibly clenched, and Minato felt like giggling in glee. _Maybe caffeine isn't supposed to substitute for ramen for a reason…_ he thought absentmindedly.

"Ah, but unfortunately, Uchiha-san, the village doesn't truly trust the Uchiha, and even you can't deny that," he said, and the ring of truth in his voice made Fugaku despair in a way he had refused to allow himself to do.

He really needed some beddy-bye time…his emotions were all over the place!

Minato swooped into the rescue. "Actually Danzou-sama, you would be surprised. The level of trust for the Uchiha has been steadily increasing ever since the Ten Minute Riot, so I don't think it's a valid point to make anymore."

Minato felt distinctly naughty for hyperbolising that, but the twitch in Danzou's eye totally made up for it.

…Minato decided to visit the local exorcist before he went home, just in case Kushina had possessed him or something. That thought did _not_ sound like him.

Danzou replied, not letting his emotions through. "That does not negate the fact that there have been several complaints against the heavy-handed mismanagement of the KMPF, and several are dissatisfied with the way things are run. With the ANBU, there is no such worry about bias, which the Military Police Force seems rife with."

Minato couldn't actually deny this point. It was completely valid, it was a veritable _fact_ , but that didn't mean he hadn't reached that sleep-deprived stage where even being asked to jump into boiling hot lava received a rudimentary 'fuck it and hope for the best'. Yes, _that_ stage of sleep-deprived-ness.

"A brilliant point, Danzou-sama!" he said, and even Danzou looked startled.

"It is…? I mean, of course it is," he said, momentarily losing his detached persona.

Minato had that wide grin on his face that looked just a shade shy of psychopathic, and Hyuuga Hiashi had the most awkward boner. Ever.

Hiashi needed to get some sleep too…

"Austerity has indeed been a long-standing problem for the KMPF. And it will be fixed, won't it, Fugaku-san?" he asked, his voice as impeccably polite as ever. Fugaku didn't have the gall to do anything but nod in affirmative.

Shikaku smirked. _Minato-sama wins. A good way to end this meeting._

Minato then gave Danzou a polite pointed stare. "The KMPF's job will be done by the KMPF, and the ANBU will do the job _they're_ supposed to do. I hope that suits your agend—I mean, your sensibilities, Danzou-sama."

And if it doesn't, it went without saying, well, sucks to be you.

Danzou felt a growl building up, but he calmed his anger and nodded in gracious defeat.

Minato grinned. "With that settled…Shikaku-san, what would be the most viable option in terms of the residential statuses of those delocalised?"

Shikaku hummed in thought, before saying, "It would be best if those in the Southern District got first priority for the make-shift tents, but last priority in terms of rebuilding. Volunteers are fine, but the other, less damaged districts should get first priority repair work. The Southern District is going to take a while."

Minato nodded in acceptance. "Any objections?"

Hagane-sensei was still in a daze, Hiashi still had that awkward boner, Inoichi still felt only slightly sugar-high, and Hiruzen was berating himself for not having interfered with the argument, even though he agreed with Minato on this one. It was the principle of the thing.

In the end, however, no matter what personal issues the Council had, the fact was that they were ruthless, efficient killers _and_ decision makers. They knew a good plan when they heard one. And if they didn't like it, well. The Hokage had accepted the decision, the Jounin Leader had _made_ the suggestion, and the Elders hadn't spoken against it. What did they have to complain about?

"I'll start setting it up immediately, Hokage-sama," said Fugaku dutifully, ready to pull another all-nighter so that his family had a roof over their heads that _wasn't_ the evacuation shelter.

With nineteen affirmatives for the decision, Minato stood up. "Meeting adjourned. Thank you for your time and patience," he said with a friendly smile that looked far more natural on his face than the confrontational polite mask he'd had in place for the duration of the end of the meeting.

The rest of the Council stood up, bowed, and filed out of the room, moving to fulfil their tasks and then get some well-deserved sleep.

Utatane Koharu stayed behind for a second, and Minato was obliged to wait, as per etiquette, until everyone had left the room. When it was just the two of them, he faced her politely. "Is there anything I can do for you, Utatane-sama?"

Utatane Koharu stared at the face of the boy that had taken over the Hokage seat, and who had seemed like a competent, if a little green, candidate for the position.

"Tread wisely, Minato-sama. This is a dangerous game you're playing."

With that, she bowed, and left.

Minato let himself indulge in a small sigh of relief. Utatane Koharu had called him Minato- _sama_.

That was one person on his side, at the very least.

Koharu had made her decision. She liked the blond boy who looked about ready to fix every mess the previous generation had made. After all, Koharu wasn't blind—the boy had _power_. It seemed that Danzou had kind of, sort of, definitely forgotten that.

 _Oh well,_ she thought, _by the looks of things, Minato-sama is going to replace us soon anyway. Might as well side with the side I want to win, whether it's right or not._

This attitude, as previously discussed, is called the 'fuck it' level of sleep-deprivation.

* * *

No more drama. I've about had it with drama in my life. This whole _year_ has been filled with nothing _but_ drama, and I'm not having it anymore. I'm done! I'm nope-ing out of this whole 'situational crisis after situational crisis'.

The world can handle itself for a little while. I'm just going to be a good Uchiha heiress, study hard (or, you know, study the night before and ace the test, which is what I've been doing ever since joining the academy), train hard, and play with my friends.

No more worrying about civil war and anarchy until I'm fifteen! I'm _having_ my eight year reprieve, do you hear me!?

"No more drama!"

Shisui-chan looked at me and nodded supportively. "Okay."

"I'm done, do you hear me?! Done!"

He nodded again, as cool as a cucumber. "Yes, Aki-senpai. Pass me the shovel?"

"No one can _make_ me deal with their ish anymore!" I passed him the shovel.

"Uh huh," he said, nodding once more.

I nodded to myself. Yes. We're done dealing with quandaries. Let the grownups handle it from now on.

"Aki-senpai," began Shisui-chan, with the same tone he'd been using for the last dozen or so exclamations I'd made. "Do you think that maybe it's time to start working? Now that you've made your annual resolutions and everything."

He said it like as if he just _knew_ nothing was going to change.

I deflated, looking at the damage in the house we were fixing up with the help of seven other volunteers. He was probably right too.

Stupid Akito.

Making resolutions you _know_ you can't keep.

But still, now that the year of the war ending, the Great Backstabbing happening, the 'Kyuubi Attack that wasn't really the _Kyuubi_ attack' occurring, the Inuzuka Incident and assorted assassination attempts arising and the ROOT crisis (let's not even go _into_ the ROOT crisis!) is nearly over, I can genuinely say that I've just about _had_ it.

Sa-chan, wherever he currently is, agrees.

Also, ironically, in the most literal and least metaphorical way possible, winter is coming.

* * *

 **OMAKE** (for TheJoker96Italia)

In an alternate universe, where Minato may or may not have been talked into drinking too much one late night by his no-good shouldn't-be-in-charge-of-minors sensei while they were on a politically sensitive mission in Iwagakure no Sato, Minato was having a post-life crisis.

Naruto, his twelve year old son, and Deidara, his please-Kushina-I-didn't-mean-to-we-weren't-even-dating-you-can't-kill-me-I'm-already-dead-I'm-sorry-I-love-you illegitimate fifteen year old son, met for the first time.

Now, of course, Kushina wasn't happy with these turn of events, and Deidara would not only have had a surprise lobotomy within the first few seconds of meeting, but he would also have lost his entire sock collection and have acquired an irrational fear of penguins for no adequately explained reason. Kushina defied logic like that.

But because Kushina was, as the plot would have it, _dead_ , she couldn't very well do much except Death Glare™ Minato and make him feel uncomfortable (no strangulation, unfortunately. She'd tried, it just never seemed to work. The only downside to the afterlife, besides the whole 'being dead' thing.)

"Hey, you look _really_ familiar…" said Deidara, his eyes narrowing.

Naruto, who had happened upon this strange guy while on a mission where he had accidentally-not-on-purpose-I-swear-Kakashi-sensei-don't-put-me-on-a-leash got lost, narrowed his own eyes at the sunny blond, blue-eyed individual.

"Yeah, I know what you mean dattebayo!" Naruto grinned excitedly, pointing quite rudely into his elder half-brother's face. "But we've never met before!"

Deidara hummed in agreement, scratching his chin in contemplation. "Something about your face reminds me of a mirror, yeah…is your name Kagami?"

Naruto tilted his head in exaggerated confusion. "No, is _your_ name Kagami? Cause I get what you mean about the mirror thing."

Deidara eyed the sunny blond hair, the bright blue eyes, and mentally went through the list of people he'd even remotely glanced at, nothing coming up.

"This is stupid, yeah! How many people have your shade of blond hair anyway!? This should be easy to figure out!" he yelled in frustration.

"Yeah, you're the only one I know who has the same hair colour as me dattebayo," Naruto nodded sagely. Deidara looked at him searchingly.

"Not even your parents?"

"Never knew 'em," Naruto shrugged carelessly.

Deidara felt something clicking in his head with an ominous _snick_. "Hey, you a Konoha brat?"

Naruto proudly pointed at his god-Deidara-how-did-you- _not_ -notice-that-before-are-you-blind-you-moron forehead protector. "Yup!"

Deidara looked at the kid again, more closely, and the resemblance was uncanny. Then he decided, you know what? He didn't need to be dealing with his elusive father's other seed spawns; he had enough to deal with having defected from one of the five great Shinobi villages and not finding decent lodgings.

Screw messed up family trees.

"Let's hope I never see you again, yeah," he snapped ominously, abruptly turning heel and heading to the temple he thought might be appropriate for staying at for a couple of days, where he would encounter the _Uchiha_ and Akatsuki, and have his life changed irrevocably.

Naruto yelled at him angrily, and then grumbled when the guy didn't turn around. "Stupid nii-san!" he screamed, sticking his tongue out at the retreating figure.

Minato decided that, you know what? Maybe he needed to file for an afterlife-divorce, because Kushina's glare was getting so much _worse_.

 _*Notes – Kagami means mirror. Naruto calls him nii-san (older brother) as common courtesy—Asian culture thing where you refer to people as brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, aunt or uncle even when they're not related to you._

* * *

 _Thoughts on this chapter?_

 _I also have a poll on my profile, and it would be nice if you looked at it. Thanks to those who've already voted! All the science in this chapter…it's actually true though…I mean, theoretically anyway._ _I hope I didn't disappoint anyone's expectations for the conclusion of the cliffhanger! Also, I know there isn't all that much Sasuke in this, but this is already nearly 19,000 words long so...next time?_

 _Also, 1000 followers!? Guys, I love you!_

 _ **Edited 3/03/2017**_


	13. Gobsmacked Godmother

**_'Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.'_**

* * *

I have been summoned to the MinaKushi lair of OTP feels.

"Shisui-chan, don't let them blow anything too important up, ne?" I called as I roof-hopped to my destination, and I just glimpsed his thumbs up as I rounded the corner, indicating that he'd heard me.

We were still on rubble cleaning duty, and it'd been four hours since our last break. I feel absolutely terrible for leaving him to do all that work, but he's got six or so other minio—volunteers, so he should be fine. Some shinobi with a scared expression and twitchy eyebrows had asked me whether I was Aki-chan, and I'd replied with an affirmative, and he'd looked so _relieved_ telling me that Kushina-ba-chan wanted to see me.

I have no idea what she'd done to him, but it could _not_ have been pretty.

Flipping onto the street in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion, I went up to their apartment and knocked twice.

The door immediately swung open and there she was, in all her red-haired, no-longer-beach-ball-sized glory. "Aki-chan! Took that lemming long enough to find you! Come on in!"

"Excuse the intrusion," I said, taking my shoes off in the foyer and going into the apartment a bit more, turning right into the living room.

Kushina-ba-chan looked odd without the swollen belly that I'd grown accustomed to over the last six months, her flat stomach giving me the weirdies.

"Why have I been summoned, Oh Holy One?" I asked in mock-reverence.

She cackled and then pouted. "Minato was supposed to be here for this dattebane! He's late!" she exclaimed angrily, her pout deepening.

"Here for what?" I asked, plopping onto the orange sofa.

She began pacing back and forth, muttering to herself, and then snapped her head up when the faint sounds of whining started.

"…I knew I was forgetting something…" she mumbled, racing out of the room and running back with her arms filled with a baby-burrito, complete with flailing limbs and baby-powder scent.

"So that's Naruto?" I asked, a large smile stretching across my face. Kushina-ba-chan nodded enthusiastically, cooing at the baby and wiggling her fingers in his face.

Something indelibly poised for flight in my body _clicked_ , and a wave of ' _this is completely right'_ washed over me, because Naruto now had an Okaa-san and an Otou-san, and he had a home he could _want_ to go back to, and it was _okay_ that I'd spent so long worrying about this, and that Sa-chan had a huge permanent scar right across his torso, and that Akimichi Chouza was dead—

Okay, maybe that last one wasn't okay, but it was _okay_ , you know? Like, all that pain actually _meant_ something, because here Kushina-ba-chan was, cooing at a two days and a half old baby, and this scene would _never have happened_ if I hadn't existed and—

I made a _good_ difference.

I haven't felt like this since I got the message telling me that Obito-kun had survived Kannabi Bridge.

Hehe.

"Naruto-chan, say hi to Aki-chan!" Kushina baby-talked, practically shoving a disinterested baby in my face.

He was adorable, with his puffy cheeks and cute kitty marks and pouty wittle mouth and wide crystal blue eyes and bunny-button nose and fluffy blond hair and—

"He looks a lot like Minato-sama," I said, lightly brushing my almost-completely-blister-free fingers against his soft cheek.

Kushina-ba-chan giggled like a little schoolgirl. "Yup! And he's so _adorabable_ , ne? Like, have you _ever seen anything this_ _ **cute**_?!" she demanded, rubbing her cheek against his soft hair with a goofy smile on her face.

I opened my mouth, ready to tell her that Itachi-touto was ten times cuter, when I snapped my mouth shut in shock.

Wow. Just, wow.

I actually _genuinely_ believe that Itachi-touto was cuter than Sa-chan, and that Sa-chan is cuter than Naru-chan, and I just…when I'd first watched Naruto, I'd thought that he was _the_ cutest thing I'd ever seen, but now that I'm here right now, staring at his cute cheeks and pudgy teeny tiny fists, I can honestly not bring myself to say that he's cuter than either one of my brothers.

My sisterly affection runs _deep_.

"He's adorabable," I assured her, using her lovely butchered version of 'adorable' because it appropriately described Naru-chan far better than the mundane _normal_ word did.

Before more could be said, the front door opened and Minato-sama stepped in in all his caffeinated, bags-under-eyes, frazzled glory.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, practically flumping onto the sofa next to me. I grinned and gave him a hug, prompting him to chuckle lightly and pat my head.

Kushina-ba-chan put Naru-chan on the table as carefully as she handled ornamental tea cups, and then gave Minato-sama a pointed stare.

"Do you want me to tell her or…" he said, trailing off.

At Kushina-ba-chan's nod, he turned to me and began with, "Akito-chan, we've been thinking about this for a while now, and there's something we'd like you to do, if you accept. You see—"

"We want you to be Naruto-chan's godmother dattebane!" Kushina-ba-chan cut in impatiently.

I gaped at the both of them, taking in Minato-sama's indulgent smirk and Kushina-ba-chan's wide grin and flushed face.

I swallowed once and said, "I am honour bound to inform you that I am, in fact, not even eight years old yet."

Kushina-ba-chan tilted her head to the side with a dead stare. "So?"

So what? I mean, how awesome is this?! They're asking _me_ to be the _godmother_ of the _protagonist_ of the series and I'd be _stupid_ if I refused. Plus, the fact that they trust me enough to entrust their child to me just gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling.

"I would love to," I said, my eyes glittering with happiness and my smile widening the more I thought about it.

"Great!" Kushina-ba-chan said, then muttered, "Now there's someone there to protect my baby from the hentai…"

Minato-sama sighed and said morosely, "Jiraiya-sensei is my _only_ parental figure Kushina, and it would be nice if you were a little… _nicer_ about his eccentricities."

At her stubborn expression, he amended, "At least in front of impressionable children?"

Kushina-ba-chan gave him a deadpan and said, "No, idiot."

He sighed and I giggled, enjoying the show. I then asked, "Who's the hentai?", even though I already have a fairly good idea.

Minato-sama looked at me with a wry smile and said, "Jiraiya-sensei. He's Naruto-chan's godfather."

"And that just about evens out the ages of the godparents," said Kushina-ba-chan happily. "An eight year old and an eighty year old!"

"He's not _eighty,_ Kushina," protested Minato-sama in vain.

"He's eighty if I say he's eighty," she said firmly, and that closed the topic for the foreseeable future. "Are you excited?" she asked me, poking me in the side.

I twitched, and nodded. An unholy light began shining in her eyes. She poked me again, and I twitched again.

"Oho! _Someone's_ twitchy~!" she sang evilly, poking me in several tickly places, and I started laughing and trying to escape, running away from her.

"Stand still, Aki-chan~!" she called as she ran behind me, her satanic fingers at the ready.

"Never!" I yelled, jumping onto the sofa and leaping onto the next one.

"Aki-chan~!"

"No!"

I ran and took cover behind Minato-sama, and just as I did, Naru-chan hiccupped and vomited on himself.

All three of us stared at Naru-chan for a bit, and then Kushina-ba-chan turned to Minato-sama and commanded, "Fix him Minato."

Minato-sama happily obliged without complaint, cleaning Naru-chan up and rocking him back to sleep with the practiced ease of a man who's taken care of babies his whole life. Something about this doesn't seem right though…

I seem to recall a babysitting mission years ago, back when Itachi-touto was a baby, where Minato-sama hadn't known how to take care of him at all.

"Minato-sama, do you know how to change diapers?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Of course," he replied, rocking Naru-chan gently. "Every genin has to do babysitting missions Akito-chan, and I was no exception. More than that, you can't really rely on Jiraiya-sensei to know how to deal with kids so…"

Huh.

I guess Minato-sama fooled us all _just_ so that Obito-kun could bask in the spotlight, being aware of the fact that he needed to be incompetent enough to make them work together, but not incompetent in a 'lowering reputation' kind of way because his minions believed periwinkles grew where he tread and angels sang lullabies as he slept, so it had to be a subtle, acceptable incompetence.

"You're amazing, Awesome-sama!" I exclaimed, the brainwave hitting me and making me fall deeper into hero-worship than ever before.

Minato-sama looked startled for a second, but gave me a sincere smile and thanked me.

"You know," Kushina-ba-chan piped up, "I think I was wrong when I thought Minato would be the predator…I think I have to save him from _you,_ Akito-chan."

I giggled and then gave her my best impression of Lucius Malfoy. "Well obviously your husband is going to pick _me_. I'm far more beautiful da-tte-ba-ne~!" I finished with a wink, and then let out a happy squeal as she began chasing me around the room.

Minato-sama shared a commiserating glance with baby Naru-chan and said, "We've got such crazy women in our lives, don't we?"

Kushina-ba-chan tripped on the rug and I stuck my tongue out at her as she growled at me playfully.

Naru-chan gurgled happily, and Minato-sama laughed. "I know," he said, "what _would_ we do without them?"

I was so distracted by this father-son moment that I was caught off guard when Kushina-ba-chan grabbed me and yelled a victorious "Gotcha!"

I squealed in mock terror, giggling all the way.

Minato-sama then called out over our collective noise, "If that's all Kushina, I really do have to get back. There's still a lot of work to be done."

Kushina-ba-chan mumbled something indistinct which seemed like an "okay, whatever, loser" and he waved goodbye, kissed Naru-chan's forehead and hiraishin-ed away.

"Wait!" she suddenly exclaimed, releasing me and running to where he'd been, too late for him to have heard her. "Idiot! You were supposed to stay until I asked her to come live with us!"

"Huh?" I asked.

She gave the floor he'd been standing on an exasperated look before turning to me and saying, "Well, you know how all of you are living in makeshift tents in the evacuation shelters?"

I nodded; we'd been informed by Otou-san that the plan was to relocate us to a 'New Eastern District' as soon as possible, just as soon as they tore down and rebuilt the wall, which takes a lot more time than you'd think, what with the fact that seals had to be placed, the soil had to be treated—too soft and nothing would stand on it, too hard and nothing would grow on it—and several other builder-y things that I'm not privy to. So until all of that was done, the entire Uchiha clan was still in the evacuation shelters, especially because the Southern District, which is where Shisui-chan currently is, is rubble-filled and uninhabitable.

"So I thought," she continued, "why don't you and Itachi-chan and Sasuke-chan and Miko-chan come live with us? I mean, there isn't a room for all of you, but there's plenty of room if one of us takes the sofa dattebane!"

That…was a really generous offer, and if I was anyone else, I would take it immediately, not least of all because it would lessen the crowded conditions of the shelters, and make it viable for Sa-chan to leave the hospital and be taken care of.

The problem though, is that I'm the clan heiress, and it would be seen as me being 'above the clan' and 'getting extra privileges' and 'being unfair', plus, it just felt wrong letting the rest of my extended family kip in tents while I lived in one of the few places in the village that had been immediately repaired after the Boiling Rain.

No, _I_ can't accept the offer, but…

Itachi-touto, Sa-chan and Okaa-san had absolutely no such obligations to reject the offer. In addition, with Okaa-san having the excuse that Sa-chan was severely injured and she needed to take care of him, if I spin it correctly, it could be seen as the _only_ thing to do.

"I can't say for myself, but Okaa-san, Sa-chan and Itachi-touto will, I'm sure, be more than willing to take up your offer," I said, and she whacked me on the head.

I gave her a wide-eyed stare of betrayal, and she yelled, "What's with the formality?!"

My expression changed to a sheepish one. I didn't even realise I was doing it, being diplomatic, as though Kushina-ba-chan would actually be mortally offended if I didn't accept her offer. "Sorry! I mean, I'll ask them, but I'm sure they'll want to stay here, but I can't. I'm clan heiress, after all."

She pouted at me, anger forgotten, and whined, "But Aki-chan!"

I gave her a condescending pat on the head.

She gave me an evil grin and poked me.

I twitched.

As Sherlock would say, the game was _on_.

* * *

Uzumaki Kushina writhed in her sleep, clenching the sheets tightly, peripherally aware that Minato was not in bed, so it must be the wee hours of the morning.

And she wanted to get up, but she was trapped.

Trapped in a place that no one could reach her.

She was drowning, drowning, drowning in her own mind.

Deep within her seal, the Kyuubi muttered irritably. He'd detected the excess manganese too late to do anything about it, but he might be able to do something, provided his jinchuuriki didn't take any sort of medication. Especially nothing that affected her dopamine levels.

Slowly, slowly, the manganese-based poison coiled through her system, slithering into her mind and loosening it, piece by piece, unravelling the tightly, carefully preserved sanity that made Kushina Kushina.

And she continued drowning in her mind, until Mikoto woke her up.

The inky blackness of the shadows on the wall turned to monsters. Kushina was scared, even surrounded by light.

* * *

"You know what?" Itachi-touto began. "I think there's something wrong here."

I looked up from the rubble, where I'd been sorting through the different materials, and noticed that he had a soft, introspective look on his face.

"Wrong with what?" I asked him, pushing my long braid off my shoulder.

"The genin exams," he said.

Shisui-chan grumbled, "You mean the entire education system?"

We ignored him. "Ah, you mean the fact that there's such a huge backlog?" I surmised.

He nodded. "Wouldn't it just make more sense to increase the graduating age to eleven, if there are so many people that fail the final year requirements?"

News had come out that the Autumn Genin Exams had a grand total pass rate of 0%—the entire cohort had failed. It must be noted that Umino Iruka was a part of said cohort. Many had been shocked, and I suppose this event must have been the reason why the graduation age had been increased from ten to twelve in canon.

"It would make sense, supposedly, but that would mean there would be a shinobi shortage for a year."

"There's _already_ going to be a shinobi shortage for the year!" he exclaimed indignantly, losing his cool. Clearly, he's very passionate about these sorts of things.

"Not true, and you know it," I said, picking up a large splintering piece of wood and chucking it in the blazing fire three feet away from me. "The Spring graduates will be enough to tide us over. Half the number of recruits is better than none."

He bit his lip. "That doesn't mean that they're _prepared_ though. I don't see how a few months of extra training can make that much of a difference."

"You're proposing an extra year. Arguably, it _is_ a 'few months of extra training' making a difference."

He hummed in acknowledgement, holding his broom handle tightly. "So, an extra two years then."

"Otouto, one cohort's lack of talent isn't going to change the entire education system. Besides, the year after yours is a non-wartime cohort, and they already graduate two years later."

"But the war's over," he insisted. "Why do we have to—"

Kabuto interrupted him by chucking a concrete block into a wheelbarrow and tsked.

"Because you can't change teaching methods halfway through a child's learning career without creating at least some gaps in knowledge," Shisui-chan said, rounding the corner with a stack of wood two heads high, chucking them all into the bonfire that, for some strange reason, wasn't emitting cancerous smoke. "Wartime cohorts got a crash course of a six year course, from age six to twelve, in five years, from age five to ten. That means that, for expediency's sake, they had to cut out information that wasn't deemed as important. _That_ , in turn, means that if they changed the curriculum, our exams would cover material that _we_ haven't necessarily covered."

I nodded. "Making the exams easier would defeat the purpose of the exams. Making them harder is still worse, because morale goes down. Striking a balance is hard, especially if a new curriculum is introduced, and if you make already high-strung genin-potentials sit exams with a different style of questions, you're going to get failure."

Itachi-touto nodded, absorbing the information. "So they shouldn't have made the exams harder, then."

Shisui-chan and I exchanged glances. I said, "Emiko-chan got us the written exam papers, Otouto. Between Shisui-chan and I, we could pass it right now, without any preparation. The exams weren't made easier—they were just an untalented, and severely distracted, bunch."

"How did Emiko-san get her hands on the papers?" Kabuto asked suspiciously.

I waved him off. "It's Emiko-chan - you don't ask questions, only get results."

Shisui-chan agreed. "What the idiots in charge should've actually done was postpone the exams. Half the candidates couldn't even sit on their blistered behinds to _give_ the test."

Kabuto snarked, "But that would be _sensible_ , and that just isn't done, is it?"

I shrugged. "We're not in charge."

Itachi-touto muttered, "We should be."

Shisui-chan hummed in agreement. "Yeah. Pity that isn't going to happen, what with us being academy students and everything."

"Excuse _you_ ,"Kabuto said.

Shisui-chan stuck his tongue out at him. He then turned to me and said, "Ready to go?"

I nodded, chucking another piece of rubble into the crackling fire. "Otouto, mush!"

Itachi-touto blew a piece of hair out of his face and propped his broom against a crumbling wall.

"We'll be back in a bit, Kabuto," I flashed a smile at him.

Shisui-chan grinned. "Try not to go crazy when we're not there to take pictures!"

Kabuto gave Shisui-chan a playful thwack upside the head, before shooing us all to the hospital. The three of us were going to visit Sa-chan—a nice break from the clean-up. We were supposed to go work on the tent-setting up in a couple of hours, and that was something I wasn't looking forward to. Luckily, Itachi-touto, Okaa-san and Sa-chan were going to be staying with Kushina-ba-chan, so that was one less tent to set up.

We plodded through the rubble, still sore with our blisters, and came up to the hospital.

Itachi-touto and Shisui-chan walked level with each other, which is to say, two steps behind me, for some bizarre reason. And no, this isn't the first time I've noticed this. It bugs me.

We'd visited Sa-chan yesterday, so we knew where we were going, and when we reached the paediatric division, Togari-sensei was exiting the ward with a packet of blood.

"Akito-hime!" she exclaimed, nearly dropping the packet of blood in her rush to hug the living daylights out of me.

"It's nice to see you too?" I said.

She wiped away tears as she pulled away from me, and I would have asked what that was about, except I didn't want her to _actually_ start crying. Instead, I gave her a comforting smile and patted her elbow. It had the unfortunate side-effect of making her burst into tears and run away from us.

Shisui-chan started laughing, and Itachi-touto looked confused just as confused as I was. But I figured there was no point dwelling on the craziness of Togari-sensei, and so I plopped it onto my corkboard of 'things to remember only if I have to deal with them'.

We walked into the ward and were greeted with the sight of many a babies, the one on the third row, second to last, being Sa-chan. With him, sitting on one of the twelve visitor's chairs, was Okaa-san, looking haggard.

Itachi-touto made a beeline for Sa-chan, softly touching his chubby cheeks and smiling with undulating love, and Shisui-chan and I followed at a more socially acceptable pace.

The third degree burn wasn't visible, having been bandaged over, but we'd seen it yesterday when it was being redressed. It was a large patch on his tiny chest, looking angry and white and disgusting, and does it make me a terrible sister that the first thing I thought when I saw it was, 'at least he won't be wearing that slutty outfit from Shipudden'?

Sa-chan giggled when he saw us, and I stuck my finger out for him to clench in his tiny fists. Somehow, the day seemed brighter.

"Akito-chan," Okaa-san said, perhaps far more calmly than I expected her to, "is it alright if we have that conversation now?"

The painfully polite way she said it, not looking me in the eye at all, made me want to say "nope, I'm noping out of this _whole_ drama; find another sap." Instead, I nodded and followed her, giving Shisui-chan's concerned face a _look_ and Itachi-touto's confused face a smile.

We walked past several corridors filled with moaning and groaning people who looked as though they'd been waiting for someone to attend to them for more than 72 hours. I guess it's still hard to process that the Night of Boiling Rain happened only the day before yesterday. Kami-sama, it feels like an eternity ago…

We pattered onto a staircase that led to the roof, and then continued going until we reached the far edge. From here, I could truly begin to appreciate just how much damage Konoha had sustained, with the collapsed roofs, bruised walls, hole-ridden windows and doors, and the pockmarked streets making the village seem like as though it had gotten a severe case of leprosy while already down with chicken pox. Just after hitting puberty.

I looked to my right and saw the water tank that, in canon, had had a hole blown into it because of Sasuke's angsting and Naruto's inability to _use his words to solve problems_ , and to my left, this weird statue of a chicken-thing. I'm assuming someone gets rid of that in the near future, because that did _not_ exist when the Kaka-ownage occurred.

I think I'd remember something as stupid as that…

Okaa-san just stood there, her back to me as the wind silently turned my rat's nest into an even rattier nest. Also, for some reason, Okaa-san's hair looked like a L'Oréal advertisement, and, not gonna lie, her hair looks so totally worth it.

I'm getting side-tracked, and I don't really like the drama potential of this scene, so I'm just going to break the silence now. "Okaa-san, we could have had this dramatic silence downstairs too."

Her shoulders hunched slightly in a full-body wince, and I think that might have come off as far sassier than I meant it too.

Kabuto's rubbing off on me…

But, on the plus side, she finally turned around, her face fit for poker, and beckoned me closer. As I walked towards her, she sat down on the ground.

…you don't understand how _monumental_ this is, emphasis on the mental! Okaa-san is like this graceful swan that seems to be floating on air half the time and casually shooting amused looks at people from Rapunzel's tower the other half, but right now, she looks like she's a freaking yankee, complete with the pose and gnawed toothpick slotted between her teeth!

…okay, so maybe she isn't gnawing on a toothpick, and maybe she looks far too tired to be a blood-splattered legend, but I could so totally see her as Kunieda Aoi from Beelzebub that it isn't even funny!

I plopped myself down in front of her, and waited for her to speak.

Without looking me in the eye, without checking to see if I was listening, Okaa-san swallowed noticeably, licked her lips, and tucked a strand of hair behind her left ear, before muttering, "This is harder than I thought it would be…"

I snorted. "No kidding."

She turned around so I could properly see her face, but she still wasn't looking me in the eye. She then said, a lot more clearly and with a far more sincere voice, "I suppose this is harder because I know you expect me to have a convenient…explanation for what I said. And there isn't one. I mean," she cleared her throat consciously, "I don't have an excuse. There isn't a single one I can think of that would make this any better."

I listened, and I watched her, and I waited. I waited because she looked like she had more to say, and I waited because I needed more. It might be selfish of me, but I wanted more from her.

"Akito-chan…I have never been a very good mother to you, and certainly not the mother you deserve. When I look back on the way you grew up, all I can think is 'I should have done that better', or 'that's not what I should have said', and…I guess I…" she continued, her voice dipping and peaking with every emotion.

I didn't stop her, because I wanted more. More than anything, I can relate to that. I mean, not in _this_ lifetime, because I've genuinely lived this life without any regrets and without looking back—the only one I actually, _genuinely_ have is ignoring Kabuto for an entire year the way I did, but I'm going to go ahead and excuse myself for that—but my old life, where I never really did do the things I meant to.

Oh, not big things, but the little things, and how I used to think that if I could redo my life, I would have done this or that differently. And that's completely normal, right? I mean, everyone does that, so I don't get why she's beating herself up over it. Especially considering she was _sixteen_ when she had me, and shinobi or not, no sixteen year old without a maternal bone in their body is ready to take care of a baby.

And believe me, whatever the Mikoto of canon had been, _my_ Okaa-san hadn't quite gotten out of the "babies are so messy and _Kami-sama_ , can we not just water them or something to make them grow faster?" phase of her life when she'd had me and Itachi-touto.

In hindsight, she did pretty well, because I never felt that I _needed_ to do anything to be loved by her, and that was the only thing I really ever needed from her.

…does she not get that?

"No, I don't really have any excuse, and I'm not going to make one up," she stated dryly, smirking in self-depreciation. "I guess I didn't want to own up to how inadequate I was, and I just blamed you for it all, because it was so much easier than looking in the mirror and seeing a failure over and over again. I don't really have anyone to blame but myself for this. And for that, I'm sorry."

The wind blew a little more, and the scene was getting suspiciously dramatic, and I wanted to break the tense silence, but all that was going through my head was— _Merlin's beard_ , _why?!_ Why does she feel inadequate? _What_ does she feel inadequate about? _How?_ I mean, _Kami-sama_ , I can't even compute this!

"You never should have heard that, Akito-chan," she continued, trying to fill the silence with words, "because, of all people…you do such amazing things musume, and all I see is this—this perfect vision, and all I can do is nod along with the praises, knowing full well that I had absolutely no hand in it because I never _tried_. I…you don't deserve a failure for a mother, not when you're this amazing, Akito-chan."

Okay, amazing is pushing it. Most of the time, I have no clue what I'm yammering on about, and the other half, I need someone else to explain my own musings _to me_. There is no way that I'm that special, and I'm not going to be conceited enough to believe that.

Let's try breaking Okaa-san's issues down for a bit. She clearly feels like she's a bad mother (not going to lie, by my old world's standards, her parenting is suckish, but let's not forget that this _isn't_ my old world, and by proxy, her parenting here is actually distinctly average, borderline acceptable even), she doesn't _actually_ regret that I exist (…the weight that slid off my shoulders at that realisation was a lot heavier than I thought it would be) and it's just her feelings of inadequacy talking, and that she regrets it enough to _**apologise**_.

Uchiha don't do apologies. Rule #4 of _Being a Successfully Uppity Arse_.

Without living it, I don't think you can truly appreciate just how much that _means_.

And then there's the whole 'I don't deserve to be associated with you because you've done so much and I haven't done anything for you' thing. What does that even…

"Okaa-san," I said, placing my seven-year-old hand on her callused twenty-three-year-old hand, "there is literally no way I would have survived this long without you. Everything I do is something you taught me. I'll admit, things like potty training and walking and talking, or general upkeep, you didn't really have a hand in, but—"

She was listening. I know she's listening, but she still wasn't looking me in the eyes.

"But you taught me how to cook, how to dance, how to throw shuriken, what the appropriate etiquette for dining with people of varying backgrounds is, what conversation topics are appropriate or inappropriate depending on a person's familial and social background, how to haggle in the market, how to do the tea ceremony properly…"

She was looking at me now, in surprise more than anything else. What, did she _not_ know this? Sometimes, I _still_ feel bad about haggling, and while I used to know how to cook fairly well in my old life, I was never a connoisseur like Okaa-san has made me. I had literally _no filter_ before Okaa-san taught me that I needed one in this world.

I still get it wrong sometimes, and the only reason it's never been too dire is because Shisui-chan is always there to steer or stop me from jumping headfirst into the metaphorical hole I've dug myself into. Why do you think Shisui-chan has to give me cues about what is and isn't appropriate?

"You're the one who introduced me to Hagane-sensei, and without that I never would have gotten this far in my medical training so soon. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have met Kushina-ba-chan or Minato-sama, and they probably wouldn't love me like they do if I wasn't your daughter."

That's how it began anyway, although I know now that they love me on my own merit. That, however, is irrelevant at this point, because this is about Okaa-san, not me.

Her eyes were watering at this point, and I wrapped my hands around hers and lifted it up, squeezing it to show my sincerity. "Most of all, Okaa-san, you let me be _me_. Not a lot of mothers would do that, so don't ever think you're a bad mother. You might not be the mother you think I deserve, but you're the mother _I want_."

Her eyes were wet, and the wind blew a strand into her eye, and then she pulled me closer and hugged me as tightly as she could.

I patted her back, my voice lowering to a softer pitch. "Okaa-san, I _love_ you. No matter what."

I don't know how else to convey that I'm glad Okaa-san is the way she is, because I don't _need_ a mother—I already had one, and if she'd been like her, I would have probably come to resent Okaa-san for replacing her. I'm sure I've said this before, but Okaa-san being bad at parenting is probably a very large reason as to why I love her; I will never feel like she's threatening to fill that hole in my heart where mama used to be…Okaa-san _created_ a new niche for herself in my collective 'family', and I loved her for it.

This world has a lot of expectations for who I ought to be, but it never hit me until I was six because Okaa-san never treated me like I needed to conform. She just made me learn absolutely everything needed for it like as though it was _supposed_ to be learned, and then patted me on the head or hit me on the head, depending on my success rate, and then proceeded to let me pick and choose what I wanted to practise.

In that respect, Okaa-san was the perfect mother for this world.

"Thank you, Akito-chan, _thank you_ …" she whispered, her voice clogged with emotions.

She didn't cry, because Uchiha don't cry.

She didn't sob, because Uchiha don't sob.

She pulled me into a hug and ran a hand through my hair affectionately, and she was _definitely_ not sobbing or crying. Nope.

Definitely not.

Okaa-san and I will probably never have the relationship we used to have, before I found out about these feelings of inadequacy.

I'll miss it.

But the thing about growing up is that you have to acknowledge that what you had, what you loved most, doesn't exist anymore, and you have to learn to let go.

"Ne, Okaa-san?" I asked, not pulling away.

She made a sound of acknowledging my question, and I asked, "Do you think you could do something about my hair? It's a mess."

She let out a watery chuckle before pulling away, her face suspiciously dry—genjutsu no doubt—and said, "Of course, Akito-chan. Come on—let's go tame medusa."

Isn't it wonderful how she has absolutely _no idea_ who Medusa is, but she still uses that word to describe my hair because _I_ use it to describe my hair?

I grin at her, she half smiles at me, the wind blows our hair into our eyes, and I'm glad that this weight is off my chest.

I meant it when I said I wanted a _freaking break_.

* * *

"The incinerating fire?" asked Bunko-sensei.

I nodded.

"What about it?"

"All the rubble we're indiscriminately burning gives rise to harmful gases and toxins, most of which can cause severe respiratory problems," I replied. "In light of that, why aren't we doing something about it?"

Several students shifted in their seats, though whether it was because of their burns or because they were worried about the point I'd raised, I don't know.

Bunko-sensei pursed her lips. "Uchiha-san, there are seals in place to sort out the components of the smoke, so you needn't worry about respiratory problems. I assure you, we adults actually know what we're doing."

I tried not to sink back in my seat because of embarrassment, even though the only person that laughed at me was Tsumiki Kido.

Well, _that_ was the last time I asked a question without researching it first.

"Now, if we don't have any _more_ questions implying our collective incompetence," Bunko-sensei drawled, "we'll get back to learning the locations of the tenketsu points."

Bunko-sensei turned back to the board and began pointing at different places on the chart she'd stuck on it. Three different pairs of eyes were staring at me, but I valiantly managed to give my full concentration to Bunko-sensei's lecture on how to shut off people's blood flow and/or chakra flow to kill or maim them without making it obvious.

Yay. Biology for assassination.

In my old world, if there was a natural disaster of some sort in the locale, we got days off until repair works were sufficiently underway and people weren't sleeping in trenches.

In this world, we were back at school four days after the Night of the Boiling Rain, my blistered-but-healing-well back cracking because of the lumpy nature of my temporary mattress. Not enjoying the feels.

I drew a gingerbread man lookalike with a bent elbow and knee in my notebook, my pencil making scritching noises as I labelled the points in English, largely so that I don't forget the language I'd once loved so much.

Shisui-chan looked at my notes and started snickering quietly.

"What?" I whispered self-consciously, staring at my notes. He couldn't have known I wrote anything wrong because it was all in English, and he wasn't laughing at my writing because he's seen my notes before and I've always written them like this.

"Nice human, Aki-senpai," he said, grinning at me mockingly.

I flushed in embarrassment. So sue me—art was my weakness. I was _proud_ of my gingerbread man!

"I'd like to see you do any better," I muttered, pouting.

He grinned, and at that moment, I knew that I would taste defeat.

In a few seconds, he'd drawn an exact, labelled replica of the human skeletal system, complete with artistic shading, and shot me a smug grin.

Defeat had been tasted.

I shoved his shoulders in mock irritation, sticking my tongue out at him. He had to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter, and I snorted so loudly I made a pig noise.

'Twas a very embarrassing first detention.

* * *

Kunoichi Classes, quite unfortunately, continued as well.

I'll give everyone this: I'm not good with flower arranging, nor do I have the ability to divine the whys and wherefores of seduction, or figured out exactly how origami fits into all of this. Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed enough with the idea of holding hands in public, let alone grinding against some politically savvy balding man's genitals. Or even female genitals—shinobi aren't very…discriminating about where pleasure can be found, and who can give said pleasure, even though it is frowned upon if you don't procreate. And by frowned upon, I mean _extremely_ frowned upon.

What you do before marriage, though, is entirely up to you.

"Emiko-san, Hotaru-san, Akito-san, if all three of you," Yuwaku-sensei said as she came up to the three of us and plopped a powdered blue pill in our hands, "would consume that pill, preferably between the hours of 1100 and 1600, and come by to me every month for another one, that would be nice."

Emiko-chan and Arata Hotaru, one of those minor shinobi family progenies, popped the pill into their mouths without questioning it at all. I, on the other hand, wanted to know what was up with these pills.

"Ano, Yuwaku-sensei, what does this pill do?" I asked.

"Just eat it Akito-san!" she snapped, irritated as she was by the fact that my mind kept wandering in her class and never really finding its way back. "Stop asking unnecessary questions!"

All right then. Clearly, I just have to be a mindless minion and potentially die of poisoning, should Yuwaku-sensei be a spy for the mafia. Or something. I remember Mizuki, thank you very much.

And no, this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I hate her subject enough that she hates my guts.

Absolutely not.

…shut up.

My other alternative was finding someone who _did_ know what these pills were and ask them, but if I had to consume it before four o'clock, I had less than half an hour to find the answer after classes ended.

…this is going to be a fun and productive evening.

Must tell Shisui-chan to make excuses at the rubble site for me.

* * *

Running full pelt is never a good idea when you're in a rain devastated obstacle course, especially when you have a bag of hastily scavenged, water-damaged notebooks bouncing around with every step you take, and when your stomach is growling louder than Godzilla on a Monday morning.

Stupidity, me thinks, runs in the family.

So run I did, dodging fallen beams, volunteer workers, paid workers, civilian political activists (they'll be disbanded soon enough, when they realise that their demands for an increase in international trade is moot—we're a shinobi village first and foremost, after all), Noeki-baa-san, that weird guy that smells like cat pee and periodically threatens to pull people's teeth out, a family of ducks…

All the way to the Hokage Tower, where I knew Otou-san would be. I'd tried Kushina-ba-chan's apartment first, thinking Okaa-san or Kushina-ba-chan herself would be there, but it was empty. So, what's a girl to do but ask her father for advice on kunoichi stuff?

"Otou-san!" I yelled, having fortunately found him alone, sitting at a desk and looking like he wanted to whack someone with a sledgehammer, rubbing his temples as he read a report of some sort. When he heard me, he looked up. "Do you know what this thing is?"

I held out the pill for him to see, and he gave it a thoughtful glance before saying, "Not a clue. Where did you get it?"

"Kunoichi classes."

"I see," he said, returning to his report rather hastily. "Why don't you ask a kunoichi then? I believe I saw Kushina-san going up the stairs only a few minutes ago, no doubt to distract Yondaime-sama from finally giving me the six reports he's owed me since ten o'clock today. Fucking redhead."

He mumbled that last bit, but the fact that he swore at all kind of gave me the impression that he was at the end of his tether.

Like, _really_ at the end of his tether. And I thought _I_ had problems…

'Sure thing,' I said with a smile. "Thanks, Otou-san!"

I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before running up the stairs to the Hokage's Office, glad that I'd managed to make Otou-san smile, if only for a second.

Up and up to Minato-sama's room, and it's only when I'm halfway up that I realise I have ten minutes to ask my questions.

Ten. Minutes.

I burst into the door, and because no one stopped me, I guess I was fine. Minato-sama was sitting and muttering to himself as he filed away a piece of legislative paper when I tumbled into his room, completely out of breath.

Stupid stairs.

Things are so much further when you're in a hurry, ne?

"Minato-sama, do you know what this pill is for?" I asked, showing him the blue pill. "I got it in my Kunoichi classes, and I don't want to eat it without knowing what it is."

He gave me a fond sigh of exasperation. It was only then that I realised that Kushina-ba-chan was watching us from the ceiling, sticking to it with chakra. Huh.

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a kunoichi, Akito-chan," he said. "So I don't know."

"B-but you know everything!" I screamed, not willing to believe that there was anything Minato-sama didn't know. I mean, if _he_ didn't know, then who did?! "You're omniscient!"

"Omni—I'm not a god, you do realise." He gave me a thoroughly weirded out look as I stared at him, dreams shattering and metaphorical buildings crumbling around me.

"Stupid Minato!" yelled Kushina-ba-chan, releasing her chakra and flipping into a standing position next to the Hokage desk.

He looked slightly hysterical when he said, "This…why is this my fault?!"

She gave him a dirty look and patted me on the head consolingly. "It's okay, Aki-chan, he's still awesome, if a bit of an idiot. _I'll_ tell you what it is. That's a pill for your period."

It's like all my thoughts screeched to a halt.

Oh. Oh…. _oh_.

"But…why am I taking it today? I mean, I'm seven, for one. I haven't even reached the appropriate menstruating age. You can't predict it, especially if I haven't even started yet!"

"Uh, Aki-chan, you _can_ predict it."

"No," I said slowly, trying to get her to understand basic biology. "You can't, not even after I've started on my period, at least, not at the beginning, because ovulation doesn't regularise for a while and—"

"What books have you been reading dattebane!?" she asked loudly and abruptly. "Of course they regularise right from the beginning! And based on your birthday, it's easy to predict."

Fine, fine. For arguments' sake, let's pretend this is true—I have maybe four more minutes until I run out of time to consume this pill.

Moving swiftly on.

"So this pill…you stop taking it when you want kids?"

"Eh? No, the pill doesn't _stop_ ovulation! It just redirects the blood to the kidneys," she said matter-of-factly.

Minato-sama was going a funny kind of pasty puce shade in the background.

"Ah…and just to be clear, civilians eat this pill too?"

"No, why would they need it? _They_ don't have evil peoples trying to eat them when they're on missions dattebane."

"And what about cramps?"

"What cramps?"

Right, my answers have been found. This explains why I didn't find anything about periods affecting kunoichi missions. _They literally don't._

I popped the blue, thumbnail-sized pill into my mouth and swallowed. A minute later, the silent clock on the wall informed me that it was four.

This entire thing bears further reading.

* * *

After four hours of intensive research, with Shisui-chan making me take breaks to actually do some work, I've discovered the one underlying fact that explains why women don't get period cramps, how in Rafiki's name the blood can get redirected to the kidneys without wreaking havoc on the internal workings of the body, and why the menstrual cycles are so predictable and conveniently timed in this world.

Chakra hacks.

I bloody knew it.

* * *

Three days after the pill incident, Namikaze Minato came home, weariness draining him as he stood. Working nonstop did that to you, he supposed.

As he took off his shoes and heard Naruto-chan crying, he realised he had two options: one was to flop into bed and actually get some sleep, thereby ignoring his family for another consecutive night (he hadn't even properly held Naruto-chan in the last three days—he was just so busy and _tired_ all the time), or, he could go into the living room and spend time with his family, forgoing sleep and having a potential mental breakdown in the near future.

With the bed beckoning his tired head, Minato turned left into the living room, picking family over sanity. Who needed sanity anyway?

When he saw that they weren't there, and that the crying was coming from the kitchen—and he mentally reminded himself that Mikoto-san and her two sons were sleeping in the guest room with two-way silencing seals preventing their being interrupted (two babies in one household was a nightmare and a half if you had to hear _both_ of them howling through the night, for both parties involved)—that's where he headed, a splash of red hair indicating that he'd finally get to actually hug his wife for the first time in…Kami-sama, he didn't even _remember_ the last time!

It had been a week since the Night of Boiling Rain. A week.

Kami-sama give him strength.

He entered the kitchen, hearing Kushina humming something lovely, presumably to calm Naruto-chan down and—

He froze.

His mind went blank.

He didn't…this was far beyond his mental capabilities to handle.

He lunged towards Kushina, turned off the stove and wrenched Naruto out of her hands before she could _put him on the frying pan_.

"What are you doing!?" he yelled angrily, and in the back of his mind, he realised that this was the first time he'd ever really raised his voice at Kushina. Ever.

She looked at him like _he_ was the insane one. "I _was_ making dinner." She held out her hand. "Now, give me back the potato Minato, or you'll go hungry."

Suddenly, all the anger drained out and was replaced with fear.

Seeing his frightened expression, Kushina said cheekily, "I won't _really_ starve you, idiot! But seriously, hand over the potato."

Naruto was sniffling now, and Minato had a flash of horror as he thought about what could have— _would have_ —happened if he'd decided to go to bed instead.

"This…Kushina, this looks like a potato to you?" he asked in a quiet, fearful voice, pointing at Naruto-chan's heaving chest and tiny tremors, a hand under his midget-head of sunshine blond hair; nobody would mistake Naruto-chan for a potato, unless they were—

Kushina nodded. "Why? What's it look like to you?"

It was with shaking hands that Minato led Kushina to the living room and seated her on the ugly orange sofa that Kushina'd said "gives the entire room character!", telling her to stay put, and placing Naruto-chan in the crib next to said sofa before standing outside the doorway, watching to see what his wife would do next, suppressing his chakra.

If it was an imposter…if Kushina had somehow come to hate their son…

Kushina hummed to herself and then, surprised, looked at Naruto-chan.

"Eh, Naru-chan, I wonder when your tou-chan will come home…it's getting pretty late, ne?"

She didn't remember that he was here?

Minato's world was crumbling around him as Kushina reached down and tickled Naruto-chan affectionately, cooing at him.

With an ear out for anything wrong, he went to the guest room and knocked on the door. Mikoto-san opened it a few moments later, looking for all the world as though she was expecting him. The powers of a matriarch.

"Minato-san?" she asked, tilting her head slightly, the way Akito-chan did. "Is everything all right?"

He shook his head, and he realised quite detachedly that his hands were clammy, and he was shaking. "I need to…can you look after Naruto-chan for a little while? I need to take Kushina somewhere."

 _The mental ward_ , he thought silently, a lump forming in his throat and tears pricking his eyes.

Mikoto-san seemed to pick up that this wasn't just a run-of-the-mill outing. "Of course. Take all the time you need."

Minato nodded jerkily, and when Kushina asked where they were going, he gently took her hand—it was shaking, and he didn't know _what to do because Kushina's hands had never shook before and what was he going to_ _ **do**_ _—_ , gave her a small, loving smile, and brushed a hand through her red, red hair.

* * *

"The prognosis is that she has Parkinson's disease," the medic said solemnly, sounding surprised herself as she looked at the charts. "Which…well, it's rare in someone so young, but not unheard of. And you're sure she hasn't displayed any of the symptoms? No speech pattern changes, tremors, slowed movement…nothing?"

"Nothing, although I haven't been at home much these last few days so I…" Minato swallowed, gripping Kushina's hand tightly, who was squeezing back just as hard.

The medic nodded.

"Her hands were shaking before I brought her here," Minato said after a moment to collect himself. "But—"

"I tried to _cook_ our baby, Minato," Kushina said slowly, eyes wide with horror. " _I thought he was a potato_."

Any other day, any other setting, and Minato would have laughed.

He wasn't laughing now.

Another expectant pause, before Kushina said, "I…I feel sluggish sometimes, but I thought that that was just, you know, cause I had a baby and stuff. And I feel all achy everywhere, but…I mean, I had a _b_ _aby._ Rin-chan said that that was I dropped a pot of ramen yesterday cause my hands were shaking, but I didn't think—I…can you fix me?"

The hopeful tone of her voice, the way she looked so _small and frightened and un-Kushina-ish_ —

Minato very nearly started crying.

"Hallucinations aren't common, but the brain scans we've received…well, Parkinson's is the only disease you could have. We can begin you on some medication, and then Rin-sensei can reevaluate your case in three days' time. It will help the symptoms, but it won't…Kushina-san, there _is_ no cure for Parkinson's disease."

No matter how gently the medic had said it, Minato felt like he'd been slapped.

A pain grew somewhere in his gut.

Over the course of the next week, when the medication seemed to only help a little bit and the medics scrambled to figure out what was going wrong, when Kushina couldn't be trusted and didn't trust herself around her baby and needed constant supervision, when the stacks of reports and files just kept multiplying without an end in sight, when Kushina's hallucinations woke her up in the middle of the night and all her could do was remind her of who she was and _where_ she was, when the hallucinations turned to fits and Kushina wasn't _okay, would never be okay—_

The pain bloomed like a well-watered rose, the thorns piercing the flesh within, and Minato just _couldn't_ anymore.

* * *

 **OMAKE**

When Mikoto-sama and Aki-senpai left the paediatric ward, Itachi-chama turned to Shisui and said, gaze solemn, "Aren't you going with her?"

Shisui chuckled. He forgot sometimes that people couldn't hear his and Aki-senpai's private conversations. "Nah. I figured this was a private conversation."

"I see." After a pause where Sasu-chan nearly poked Shisui's eyes out, Itachi-chama said, "Can you teach me genjutsu, Shisui-nii-san?"

Shisui blinked. "I thought you were already on the Uchiha genjutsu-training program. Fugaku-sama was teaching you, right?"

Itachi-chama made a noise of agreement. "Mhmm, but he's really busy these days, and more than that, you're better at genjutsu than him—Aneki said so."

Shisui felt his face heat up, and he grinned happily. "Ho~! And why not ask Aki-senpai to teach you?"

"Because Aneki isn't really the genjutsu type, and we both agree that you're just better," said Itachi-chama matter-of-factly, as though Shisui should have already been privy to this 'fact'.

"Well, when you put it like that…of course I will Itachi-chama!" he exclaimed, ruffling the five year old boy's hair affectionately. Itachi-chama smiled at him gratefully, smoothing his hair down.

From his bed, Uchiha Sasuke glared at Shisui.

Stupid loud human, touching _his_ Aniki…

* * *

 _I'm sorry this took so long to get out…truth is, I'd written most of it, but the last few scenes were still vague impressions that weren't on paper, and I didn't know whether I should add more, or whether people would like it now that it's going to go back to the same pace as the first few chapters, because there's going to be a three year time period where things do happen, but nothing as exciting as what's already passed, not until she's ten and graduates, and even then, I have my doubts that I'll be able to please anyone with this story…_

 _I guess, with those kinds of thoughts, I got pretty demotivated, but I couldn't leave you all hanging, so I promise I'll finish this story, even if I lose all my readers :')_ _Minato's reaction was my favourite, and easiest to write as well. I almost felt like not adding the omake, because the last line should have the strongest impact, but I thought, meh. I've done it so far, I'll do it again. Mikoto and Akito's conversation though...glad that's over! So yeah, Mikoto isn't a_ bad _parent mostly, she just feels like one, which I think is a fairly normal thing for people that have self-esteem issues, with borderline abusive histories - her mum never let her be herself, you know?_ _Thoughts on this chapter?_

 _ **Edited 4/03/2017**_


	14. Poisonous Prison

_**'The difference between coffee and opinion is that I asked for coffee.'**_

* * *

 _ **Warning: medically stuff ahead. Read at your own risk.**_

* * *

"And you've definitely tested it?"

"Multiple times, Nohara-sensei. There aren't any traces of manganese in her bloodstream and the chakra scan hasn't revealed a lowered uptake of dopamine in her basal ganglia."

Nohara Rin bit her lip in contemplation, trying to figure out why the symptoms were getting _worse_ and not better. Currently, the only working theory was that it was Lewy-Body dementia, a disease that caused severe hallucinations, functioned like Parkinson's, and the hallucinations got worse with levodopa treatment, which is what was happening.

The first medic that had looked at Namikaze Kushina's case hadn't been aware of her jinchuuriki status, and Rin had wondered if maybe that had caused some problems with the diagnosis. On the other hand, having little to no material to go on, even Rin wasn't really sure what the problem was.

Theoretically speaking, the Kyuubi _should_ have been able to nip any problems, mental or otherwise, Kushina was having in the bud. The fact that it _hadn't_ was a cause for major concern, with sirens blaring in the distance.

Rin signed a form for another blood test and handed it over to one of her assistants.

The medics hadn't ruled out poisoning, but carefully examining the jinchuuriki's movement had enabled everyone involved to firmly conclude that she'd definitely not been alone for even a minute where she wasn't completely healthy.

Rin had talked about the possibility that this disease, whatever it might be, had been working on Kushina for a while now.

But then, Naruto was completely healthy, which made the probability of Kushina having been poisoned or something _before_ he was born unlikely.

So far, all the symptoms pointed to Lewy-Body dementia—the odd sleep patterns, the hallucinations, the rigidity, the disorientation, the memory loss…it fit like a glove. But there was no medical _proof_.

Rin sighed as she hung up her lab coat and left the hospital, tired after goodness knows how many hours of work. Hopefully, by the time she got home, Obito's grandmother would have already prepared dinner so that she could have something to eat and crash immediately.

That woman was a blessing in disguise, truly.

She unlocked her apartment door and walked in, taking off her shoes and calling out, "Tadaima!"

She could hear some shuffling before Obito stuck his head out of the bedroom door frame and gave her a lopsided smile. "Okaeri nasai!"

Usually, this would be the moment when all her work troubles and worries would be shoved to the back of her mind, to be perused when she switched her medic mind on again.

 _But usually, Minato-sensei's wife isn't suffering from a degenerative neurotic problem and extreme hallucinations._

She walked over to him and hugged him long and hard, tired and frustrated and worried, but mostly just glad that she had someone steady to hold onto.

That had always been the thing about Obito—he'd always been there, no matter what happened. She couldn't even begin to fathom what her life would be like without him, even if his recovery wasn't going smoothly and he sometimes refused to take his medication on time, and mostly just forgot that it was a six hourly thing until his sides started tearing themselves apart in pain. A world without Obito…

She shook her head, getting rid of such morbid thoughts, and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of pinecones, winter primrose and burning wood, with just a hint of antiseptic, blood and sweat.

She sighed into his shoulder and then pulled away abruptly when she heard his grandmother walking towards them, presumably having woken up from her nap.

"About time you got home, Rin!" said Obito's slightly-nutty grandmother. "Honestly, the hospital can do without your dainty booty wiggling about there. Now, come sit down. Obi-chan refuses to eat without you."

"Hai, obaa-san," Rin helped Obito walk to the kitchen, one wobbly-hobbly leg at a time.

They sat down to a modest spread, and after the obligatory itadakimasu, Rin began eating, careful to slow her pace so that Obito didn't feel that he was holding everybody up—his motor functions were getting better, but they were nowhere near the level they used to be.

She tried really hard not to think about Kushina's case, but it was in vain—her medical file kept popping into Rin's head, and slowly, the food became bland in her mouth and her movements became mechanical as she became thoroughly distracted.

"Kunai for your tongue?" Obito said, a bit of food smearing his left cheek.

Rin gently wiped it away for him before sighing. Obito's grandmother loudly proclaimed that she was going to bed.

When she'd left, Obito gave her a soulful gaze with his one functioning eye and said, "Rin?"

She sighed again, this time with far more weariness in her voice than before. "I just don't have time to give this case my all Obito-kun—there's far too much research, and with my workload at the hospital…I can't devote the necessary time to figure out what's wrong with Kushina-san. And you should have _seen_ Minato-sensei. I've never seen him look so defeated before…and Kushina-san looks so terrified all the time…"

She trailed off, remembering today's check-up; it wasn't going well, suffice it to say.

Rin needed to figure out what was going on. She knew this with everything she had, but she also knew that her tired brain wouldn't be able to _click_ the pieces together, and with the village on high alert and with the huge influx of patients, she just didn't have the luxury of mulling over Kushina's illness with the appropriate level of scrutiny.

"Talk me through it," said Obito softly, stroking her hair and massaging her head at the same time.

Rin bit her lip; normally, patient confidentiality would have prevented her from divulging any information, but this was _Obito_ and it was about _Kushina._

Besides, he knew the basics.

"Her hallucinations have gotten worse since yesterday, and it's astonishing how rapidly her mind is degenerating—this _can't_ be a long-term illness, so Parkinson's is unlikely. But at the same time, there are very few other viable illnesses with such rapid degeneration. And that's not even thinking about the hallucinatory factor…and Minato-sensei and I agree there's foul play involved."

"How come?" asked Obito, his eyebrows scrunched up. "I thought that she hadn't been alone since October the 4th. You were _there_ with her the whole time—I mean, you're not exactly blind."

Rin heard the veiled bitterness and instead of letting it go or sympathising with him, she felt a spike of irritation at her fiancé. Depression was one thing, but Obito had been indulging in self-pity far too long, and Rin was far too tired to be pleasant about it.

However, as was becoming frequent, she suppressed the urge to snap at him—Obito didn't need that. He needed a supportive environment for optimum recovery, and by Kami-sama she would give it to him.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "We went through it bit by bit actually, trying to figure out exactly how the events played out. It was pretty fast paced, but we've all kind of pinpointed half a minute where Kushina-san was completely alone."

Obito looked thoughtful. "Minato-sensei went after the masked bastard, you were being attacked by the masked bastard, Naru-chan was nearly skewered…but Kushina-baba had Sarutobi-san with her."

Rin sighed again. "We thought so, but Kushina-san said that Biwako-sama had had a concussion and couldn't have seen anyone suspicious-looking. That's all we've been able to work out, and it doesn't help at all. We're no closer to figuring out what exactly is _wrong_. Any injection puncture search would be useless because she heals so fast, so we can't even be sure if she _was_ injected with poison. We don't know if someone hit the water supply so that it only affects—well, jinchuuriki. She's such a unique case that we don't know _what_ the enemy's done, or even _who_ the enemy is, or their specialty."

Obito pursed his lips in thought. "Would it help if you knew the attacker's identity?"

Rin sighed. "Probably only infinitesimally. There's a chance it isn't poison and is just an effect of the Kyuubi. No one really knows what happens when you transfer the most powerful bijuu from one container to another…Kushina-san is the only one in that category, when Mito-sama gave her the Kyuubi, so this neurotic degeneration might be because of that. Or maybe it's a coping mechanism? Her body was put through lots of stress, with the birth and the running and the Boiling Rain and the rebuilding and taking care of Naruto-chan. Considering this happened after the baby, this might even be a compounding effect of post-natal depression and a genetic predisposition to neurotic degeneration."

Obito blinked at her, completely lost. "Huh?"

Rin sighed, her irritation spiking again. "The point is, Kushina-san is the only Uzumaki I know. Her kekkai genkai is the only one of its kind in Konoha. She is the only jinchuuriki to have received the most powerful bijuu through a _transfer_."

Obito nodded. "So you can't compare her problem to anything like her, cause she's ridiculously one of a kind."

Rin hummed in agreement, getting up to put her plate away. "It could be poison, a genetic predisposition, multiple problems hitting her at the same time…or maybe it's a latent disease that's only manifesting itself now. Lots of diseases have symptoms that exhibit themselves differently from person to person."

She rinsed her plate and took out a dish cloth. "So she very well _could_ have Parkinson's. But the medication is making things worse, so I'm more inclined to believe it's Lewy-Body dementia. There's also the theory that the Kyuubi wants her to d-die or go insane so that she's easier to manipulate."

Obito frowned from his seat. "I thought the Kyuubi would die if she did."

Rin shook her head, turning the knob of the tap and filling the sink with water. "Common misconception. If Kushina-san d-dies, the Kyuubi will regenerate somewhere else. It's chakra, and although I'm not completely clear on the intricacies of it, I do know that the seal on Kushina-san doesn't bind the Kyuubi to _her_."

Obito scratched his cheek, deep in thought.

"You know what you need?" he said after quite a long pause.

Rin looked over at him tiredly, wiping the last of the plates and putting it on the drying rack. "What?"

"You need one on one time with your books and a lab," he said. Rin suppressed the urge to strangle him.

"I don't have the _time,_ Obito-kun! Were you _not_ listening?" she seethed quietly, mindful of Obito's grandmother.

"Then you need someone to do your leg work," he pushed. "What about one of your assistants?"

Rin slumped into the chair next to Obito and took a hold of his right hand. "Obito-kun, she's the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki. Only people who already know that can help me with this, and Biwako-sama is the only other even remotely qualified medic that knows about the secret. There's _no one_ that can take on this case without being told, and if word gets out…Minato-sensei doesn't have the time to vet someone with enough medical prowess, and what we're running out of is _time_."

"Aki-hime is sort of medically trained. _And_ she can be trusted to know about Kushina-baba's 'tenant'. She good enough?" Obito asked contemplatively. "Obviously, she isn't fully qualified, but she's better than nothing, right?"

Rin sighed. "I'll ask Minato-sensei. Honestly, Akito-chan is brilliant, but she's seven. I doubt there's much she can do."

Obito gave her a faint smile. "You'd be surprised."

Not for the first time this evening, Rin felt her eyes droop. Obito leaned on his crutches heavily and hoisted himself up. "Time for bed?"

"Time for bed."

Rin slept blissfully.

* * *

Namikaze Naruto had been in the world a grand total of nine days when the crisp morning air of October the 19th wafted through the open window of the Hokage office.

 _Scritch scritch scritch_ went Minato's pencil, and _click click click_ went Kushina's knitting needles.

Naruto blinked awake and felt hungry. Also, he soiled himself.

He started whining and Kushina made to go near him when she stopped herself abruptly. With trembling hands, she set her knitting needles down. "How long have I been knitting?" she asked quietly.

Minato looked up, his eyes unfocussed, as though he was still reading the six-page document in his hands. "About half an hour. Is everything all right?"

Kushina shook her head and pointed at Naruto's crib. "Naru-chan needs a nappy change…and milk."

Minato nodded and got up to cater to Naruto's needs.

Kushina huddled into the corner of the office she'd claimed as her own.

She'd been knitting for the past half hour without any yarn.

 _Please,_ she thought, tears threatening to fall out, _whatever happens, don't let me forget my family. They're all I have left._ _ **Please.**_

Naruto stopped whining after a while. Minato smiled down at his son, deliberately forced himself to look at his slowly hollowing wife, and tried to keep it together.

One more day trickled by.

* * *

"What do you mean, Kushina-ba-chan has Parkinson's!?" I asked, horrified.

Rin-chan was giving me a tired but sympathetic look. "I'm not completely sold on that diagnosis, but it's the one we're treating her under the assumption of."

I looked at her uncomprehendingly. "Is it helping?"

"Not at all. I think it's making it worse actually."

"Then stop giving her the medicine."

Rin froze for an instant. "What? No, no we can't do that."

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Who made the diagnosis?"

Rin grumbled under her breath and it gave me all the clues I needed. "Hokori-sensei? She may be the expert on neuroticism and psychiatry, but she isn't the _only_ authority on nerve degeneration, as far as I'm aware. And I've got dirt on her if she's giving you trouble with her patients."

Hokori-sensei was a blonde dumpy sort of woman who had cute dimples and a nasty habit of trampling on others to get to the top. She was perfectly polite to those that mattered and to her patients, but she was known throughout the hospital staff as someone who made life difficult for you if you were in her bad books. Minor hospital drama, like giving her patients priority for blood tests, currying favour with higher ups so that her ward got better equipment, things like that. And if there was anyone you didn't even think about crossing, it was Hokori-sensei.

But if the medication was _hurting_ Kushina-ba-chan, Hokori-sensei's diagnosis could go hang itself on the Eiffel Tower.

Rin-chan's eyes widened. "You've got dirt on _Hokori-sensei?"_

I wasn't proud of it, but I'm pretty sure I have dirt on _everybody_ in Konoha at this point.

Except Hiroyuki-san.

That geriatric woodcarver gives literally zero fucks about _everything_. You gotta love that guy.

I nodded, and Rin-chan looked gently disapproving. "Akito-chan, that's not very nice. Besides, we're not sure whether the medication is _really_ the reason the symptoms are getting worse, or if it's the natural progression of her disease, and we can't risk taking her off it and realising that it was suppressing the worst of the symptoms without us knowing."

"Or, alternatively, it could be hindering her recovery process," I pointed out.

"It's 50-50, but you're not wrong," Rin-chan allowed, smoothing back her chin-length brown hair and adjusting her clipboard. "However, her brain scans _do_ show a low level of dopamine, so the medication is supposed to help with _that_. Whether it's Parkinson's or something else, the medication is only targeting that. Theoretically, it should be doing no harm."

I thought about this. Parkinson's disease wasn't something I knew much about first-hand, but misdiagnosis I knew plenty about—my grandfather died because of misdiagnosis and wrong medication being implemented. He got jaundice because of the medication and died of a stroke, and quite frankly, history was _not_ about to repeat itself in my book.

"Look, Rin-chan, I get that, but if it's hallucinations, mind-altering drugs aren't the best way to go about fixing this, especially if we're overthinking this."

Because that happens so often it's actually ridiculous.

"On one condition," she said, pulling open the ICU ward door. "You help me figure out what it is, and I'll stop giving her that medication."

Reasonable request, but I was surprised. "Why do you need my help?" I mean, I'm seven and not even a fully qualified medic. Kami-sama, some people my age couldn't _read_ , let alone help with medical research.

She gave me a sad smile and ruffled my hair (recently tamed and secured via a triple-interlocking braid, courtesy of Okaa-san) affectionately. The tiredness was palpable, but so was her kindness, so it was okay.

"Akito-chan, I know this is far too much responsibility, but you're probably the only option I have. I don't have the necessary amount of time to dedicate to this, and due to certain…issues regarding the patient's confidentiality, no one else is actually qualified, legally, to handle this case. You," she said, pointing at me with a smile, "on the other hand, _do_ have time, and Hagane-sensei can attest to the fact that your ability to discern discrepancies and figure out diagnoses is on par with most mid-level trainees."

I blushed; who knew Hagane-sensei talked to Rin-chan about me? And the praise was nice, but the fact of the matter was that I'm not mentally seven, so their commendation of my skill needs to be taken with a grain of salt—now that I think about it, it makes a weird kind of sense that she'd ask me to help with Kushina-ba-chan's case. I know about her (sometime between tickling and making tea, Kushina-ba-chan had spilled) jinchuuriki status, and that goes a pretty long way to give me a better idea as to what's going on. On the other hand…

"I know this is a lot to ask, but Akito-chan, we don't really have all that many options." Rin-chan waved an assistant over. "Is that for me?"

The assistant was holding a sealed envelope and, when he handed it over to Rin-chan, she placed a thumb on the seal and injected a small pulse of chakra into it. The seal broke and she scanned the paper inside.

"Still no traces of manganese…but it's the perfect match otherwise…maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way…" she muttered under her breath, low enough so that only I could hear, being very much in her personal space. "And the chakra scan's come back clear too…but it's so _obviously_ LBD…"

She marched over to the file storage room and motioned for me to follow her.

She unlocked it with a key that was hanging around her neck, and when she switched on the lights, I could see shelves upon shelves filled to the brim with thick folders. I wonder how far back the files go—are there some medical files of patients from the founding of Konoha? It _was_ a pretty big room after all, and the files at the back looked about ready to crumble if anyone so much as _looked_ at them strongly.

"Akito-chan," she called, waving me over to where she was, in front of a fortified steel safe with specialised chakra seals. "This is Kushina-san's file. There're some papers in there for reference, mostly just my scribblings along the margin whenever I got the time between patients. You should start from there."

She handed me a relatively large file and locked the safe, using her chakra to reactivate the seals.

I opened the pages and saw a bio data sheet, then flipped over to find her medical history and routine checks' readings. Her blood tests were carefully stowed away a few pages later, and I was astounded to find that she'd had at least ten blood tests done in the past week alone. Her brain scans followed, along with her chakra scan readings. Observations from six different medics—three specialists, a nurse and two non-specialists—took up more than fourteen pages, and their handwriting was _tiny_.

This was going to be a lot of work.

I looked up at her with a reassuring smile, because even though this _should_ have been overwhelming, it really wasn't.

It was like putting my hand in a custom-made glove.

Rin-chan relaxed, and her smile was far less brittle than it had been before.

Success!

* * *

Deep under the earth, in an undisclosed location, water dripped between the cracks of the rocks, tippling down drop by drop, keeping in time with a masked man's heartbeat.

Black Zetsu was majorly irritated.

The masked man would need _years_ to recover from the damage that blasted Yondaime had doled out.

Black Zetsu cursed the blond-haired bumbling fool—who'd asked him to turn his henchman's torso to mince and nearly completely destroy his spine anyway?

 _Fucking heroes. Always butting their noses into my perfectly destructive schemes._

* * *

The Kyuubi weaved its chakra around and around, and the problem was nearly fixed.

Mind you, the problem might have become worse, because the humans had been messing around with her dopamine levels, and then, just when he'd gotten used to it, they'd _stopped._

Stupid bipedal nitwits.

Oh, what was this?

Another dimension to the whole thing?

The Kyuubi twitched in irritation.

Why did he even _bother?_

* * *

It's been two days since I've been tasked to help Rin-chan with Kushina-ba-chan's case, and I will quite frankly say that I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

In the margins, Rin-chan scribbled _possible case of manganism_ and then circled perfectly normal manganese-level readings in the blood test. Then there's another note saying, _cortical basal ganglionic degeneration,_ but it had a frowny face drawn next to it.

I huffed and tucked my bangs behind my ears, sitting in Shisui-chan's makeshift tent with an oil lamp illuminating the pages in the middle of the night. It's a full moon night and it's really quiet. Shisui-chan is breathing evenly, poring over his homework and occasionally scratching something into his notebook. He's doing extra reading up on tenketsu points while I whittle away my brain cells trying to figure out why Kushina-ba-chan's brain is deteriorating without any forewarning.

Shisui-chan shifted his sitting position and I started re-braiding a lock of my hair in absentminded agitation. There's something blatantly obvious I'm missing here.

I squinted at another scribble in the margin which said _suspicion of poisoning strong_ but it was scratched out and replaced with _patient monitored, no contact with contaminated foods/drinks, air?_ And then, just after that, an arrow pointed to the toxicity level of her blood, which wasn't that above average—certainly within the normal range.

On the pages with the chakra readings of her brain stem and surrounding areas, Rin-chan had carefully written _Lewy-Body Dementia_ and then circled it several times angrily, and then drawn an arrow to a perfectly normal dopamine uptake density.

I'd done a _lot_ of background reading, but if this had Rin-chan, who'd been a medic for nearly three years, and five other medics, who'd been in the profession upwards four years, completely stumped, what exactly am I capable of contributing?

I'd gone to see Kushina-ba-chan the day I found out she'd been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease with Itachi-touto, and she'd run to the opposite end of the room, as far away from us as possible, and tried to warn us away from her. The fact that bright, vivacious and all-around absolutely mental Uzumaki Kushina would cower in fear of _herself_ kind of hurts my brain.

And my heart.

And maybe even my kidney, though that might have been Sa-chan's kick when I stood too close to Itachi-touto.

There's possessiveness, and then there's _Sa-chan's_ possessiveness of Itachi-touto.

…I've got my hands full with that one…

But back to the matter at hand.

I keep doing this, drifting off into memory lane because the information in front of me makes little to no sense.

When we'd gone to see Kushina-ba-chan, we did see her tremors and spasms, the involuntary facial twitches, and the times when she trailed off in the middle of her sentence, blinked, and restarted the whole conversation because she _didn't remember having it_.

I'm not okay with this.

I'm _really_ not okay with this.

"Aki-senpai," said Shisui-chan, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You've been glaring at the same page for nearly an hour. Do you want to talk it through?"

I puffed out my cheeks to stall.

It's not like I don't _trust_ Shisui-chan—in fact, I'd say that I trusted him more than I trusted _anyone_ in my whole life, both of them—and he was probably the best person to bounce ideas off of, what with him being a genius and everything. In addition to that, he knew about Uchiha Inabi and Ureshi. He _knew_ about them, how they were behind the Boiling Rain.

Which, by the way, is the reason Minato-sama saw it fit to get a seven year old on board with this.

The first thing I'd done when Rin-chan had handed me the medical files was to go to Minato-sama and figure out why in Kami-sama's name he wanted a seven year old to help out with such a sensitive case.

"Akito-chan," he'd said, gaze solemn with bags under his eyes, and Naru-chan in his lap trying to rip the hair out of his father's scalp, "Barring me, you're the only one who knows the full story, and unlike me, you have a greater understanding of the medical aspect of this…case. I won't say that I expect you to figure out a cure, but we've reached a dead-end that we need _time_ to get out of, and time is the one thing we don't have. You, on the other hand, do. Anything you figure out will be something that nobody else does, because you have both Rin-chan's side of things _and_ my side of things, not either/or."

I guess that's true—I know exactly what happened when Kushina-ba-chan presumably acquired the illness, I know who the culprit was and their specialty, I know basic medic-nin stuff because of how much time I've spent at the hospital, plus all that extra reading they'd dumped on me, and I know that Kushina-ba-chan is a jinchuuriki and have a vague idea of how that might affect things.

The last two though, Shisui-chan doesn't have.

But still, if I do slip up, Shisui-chan wouldn't blab. I know that better than I know my views on Frozen.

So I shrug and crick my neck, rubbing my lower abdomen (Sa-chan might have _bruised_ me, that brutal little pomegranate!) and said, "Well, all her vitals are normal."

Shisui-chan put away his homework and looked at me, shuffling closer. "What?"

I sighed. "All her vitals are normal. All her blood tests come out normal or within the normal range, her latest brain scan reveals that the original abnormality that caused them to think Parkinson's no longer exists, the full-body chakra scan shows only a minor elevation of chakra at her lymph nodes, typical of when someone has finished fighting off an illness…but Rin-chan believes that to be because she's an Uzumaki, and I agree with her. Other than that, there is nothing to suggest that anything is wrong."

Shisui-chan scrunched up his eyebrows. "So she cured herself?"

I tucked my bangs behind my ears and gave him a worried frown. "No, because she's still paranoid, her tremors are getting worse, her memory is going fast and she's still having hallucinations."

"Genjutsu?" Shisui-chan suggested.

I shook my head. "Tested multiple times, and they've even checked for mass genjutsu, in case it was _us_ who were seeing things, but no. No internal or external genjutsu. They even tried a day of isolating her with Minato-sama and the best chakra sensor in the village, but the symptoms persisted."

"And they vetted the sensor?" he asked, scowl deepening.

I nodded. "So there's something that's wrong, but none of the scans—believe me, I don't think I've seen a check-up this thorough in my whole _life_ —show anything abnormal. Not even in her pinky toe."

Shisui-chan sat and thought, and I sat and thought with him. Laying out all the facts like that wasn't making me feel any better, but everything was much clearer in my head and I felt less overwhelmed.

"You said the brain scans changed," he said finally. "That's not normal, I take it."

"No," I said. "It wasn't the medication that helped because the dosage given wasn't that high—the medic hadn't gotten peer reviewed for the treatment, so they had to give only a preliminary diagnosis and treatment programme. It could have been her tenant…"

"What's 'her tenant'? Is that medical jargon?" Shisui-chan asked with an endearing head tilt.

"Don't ask. Not my secret to tell."

"Right," he said slowly, blinking away the hurt this caused him. "Right, sure. Okay."

I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. "If it was a secret I could tell you, I would. But it's not _mine,_ Shisui-chan. Honest. I can give you hints to work it out though. So long as I don't _tell_ you what it is, you can figure out the secret for yourself."

Genius Akito, pure genius. Plausible deniability.

But really, the truth is that I just couldn't see Shisui-chan in any pain, especially not because of me.

Not if there was a way to fix it.

He gave me an amused smile, the temporary shadows disappearing completely. "Make it cryptic. I like a challenge."

I shot him an amused smirk and said, "She is a successor of Mito. She's a chakra monster. Minato-sama had to be present at her labour. Her chakra chains are primarily used for restraining. She doesn't like foxes all that much."

Shisui-chan would've instantly gone into thinking mode if I hadn't cleared my throat. "But back to the matter at hand."

"Oh yeah," he said, shaking his head to clear it of thoughts. "Right, so if the brain scans weren't supposed to change, has anything else changed that wasn't supposed to?"

I gave him a clear-eyed look. "The brain scans were done on a day prior to all the other tests. So, ostensibly, any major changes wouldn't have been recorded."

"So nothing's changed then?" he asked for confirmation.

I looked through the files. "Nope."

"What do they think she has then?" he asked, as frustrated as me already.

"Several diseases come to mind, but the symptoms all vary, and not all the symptoms are manifesting, and sometimes, the symptoms don't correlate and cancel each other out."

I bit my lower lip. "The primary candidate is Lewy-Body dementia, because levodopa is making her hallucinations _worse_. Right next to it, there's manganism, but her manganese levels are normal. In fact, over the past twelve blood tests, her manganese levels are _decreasing_ —"

But why? My eyes went wide as several dots connected and suddenly, a plausible theory existed. But something still wasn't clicking…

"Shisui-chan," I asked hurriedly, "What was Ureshi-nee-chan known best for?"

He looked surprised but it didn't slow him down. "Poisons, but…well, there was that one time a few summers ago when Inabi-oji-san came over to our house for dinner and he collapsed in the middle of drinking his miso soup. We took him to the hospital—you remember I told you about that?"

The memory was there, but now it was the forefront. "Yeah, you said he got food poisoning."

Shisui-chan nodded. "Yeah, but the thing was, none of the medics knew what was wrong with him. They did quite a few tests, but until Ureshi-nee-san showed up and gave him an antidote, no one could do anything."

I hummed. "She _did_ like testing her new poisons on him…"

"Yeah," Shisui-chan said gravely. "At first I thought it was just food poisoning, and that's what Ureshi-nee-san said it was too. "Food poisoning with a ringworm twist" is what she said. I didn't think it was a big deal, but now…what if she—"

And together, we both said, " **Mixed two diseases."**

"And no one would suspect a thing!" I exclaimed. "Her manganese levels have been decreasing, lending no credence to the manganism theory, but most of the other symptoms fit! The dopamine problem is virtually non-existent, so it _could_ be LBD! Manganism's an obscure disease, LBD is more likely, but whatever it is, it's making her go mad! And if she goes _mad—"_

If she goes mad, and Minato-sama doesn't execute her—he'll never execute her, he _loves_ her—she won't consciously hold the Kyuubi back anymore. When she stops holding the Kyuubi back, it can take over her mind. If that happens then…

Kami-sama, the possibilities are _endless_.

Destabilise Konoha, remove Minato-sama from the Hokage seat, use the cure as a bargaining chip, start anarchy, release the Kyuubi, extract the Kyuubi for the Akatsuki and the Juubi…

Resurrect Kaguya early.

No.

No no no no _no no no no no_ _ **no no no nonononononononononono**_ **nonononononononono—**

I jumped to my feet.

That is _not_ happening on my watch.

"Where to?" Shisui-chan asked, gathering all the loose papers of the medical file, not even asking me to explain myself to him.

"Minato-sama."

And together, we ran.

* * *

Minato-sama waited till Shisui-chan had been escorted out of the room by an ANBU before hearing her out, and the more words that poured out of her mouth, the more his frame stiffened and his face set scarily.

"So you're certain it isn't Parkinson's, but some obscure disease that's been… _twisted_ , for a lack of a better word, to seem like it's Parkinson's," he repeated for confirmation.

I nodded. "Or any disease really, not specifically Parkinson's. Ureshi-ne— _Ureshi_ was really good at messing with diseases, at least as far as we remember."

"She modified a disease, and somehow injected it into Kushina…without her realising it too…but _how?"_ Minato-sama muttered almost to himself, folding his fingers in front of him and frowning in contemplation.

I cleared my throat and he snapped out of it, looking at me expectantly.

"Minato-sama, I don't think it matters how. What matters is a cure. She heals too fast because of her…Uzumaki-ness, so we don't know where she was injected, but again, it doesn't _matter_. It's a poison, but it's a _disease_ , and we have yet to identify the base disease, not to mention how she modified it, or with how many diseases she mixed it with," I said, but even with all the problems, just the fact that we'd identified what exactly it was we were dealing with seemed to be enough to keep me giddy.

Judging by the minute relaxation on Minato-sama's face, he was feeling the same way.

"If it's a poison, and an untraceable one at that…thank you Akito-chan, I'll take it from here," he said, giving me a grateful smile.

I placed a hand on my heart dramatically. " _Minato-sama!_ You give me a smile like that, and I'd even blow up the Hokage Monument for you!"

"Let's leave the mass demolition of a historical landmark for another time," he said with an amused half-grin.

I pouted. "Spoilsport."

* * *

"Multiple diseases at the same time, with similar symptoms? Bloody hell!" exclaimed Obito, leaning on his crutches, gripping it with white knuckles.

Rin grimaced at the crass language, but she agreed with him. She had no idea _how_ Akito-chan had figured that out, but it didn't matter—it made _sense_.

"It's untraceable," she said quietly. "We need a poison specialist, Minato-sensei."

Namikaze Minato looked at his pale wife, who looked like a wraith in the corner of the room. She'd taken to rocking backwards and forwards, muttering to herself, blinking slowly and giggling intermittently for no reason, patting the air as though there was an invisible wolf sitting in front of her.

"Who do you propose?" he asked wearily, minutely tightening his hold on Naruto for comfort.

Rin bit her lip in contemplation. "I know that he's busy with testing the aquifers and the damage to the water supplies after the Boiling Rain, but…Orochimaru-sama is the leading poison specialist in Konoha. If anyone can figure it out _and_ find a cure, it's him."

Minato thought about this. Orochimaru already knew of Kushina's jinchuuriki status, he was a Kage-level Jounin, he could _multitask_ so it wouldn't be compromising the masses for Kushina, and most importantly, _Kushina would be okay again_.

He locked away the oncoming hope and anguish tightly and gave Rin a smile. "I'll summon him immediately and you can explain the situation to him now, before your shift starts again."

Obito stood in the corner, staring in morbid fascination as Kushina's face went slack. "Is that normal?"

Rin followed his gaze and her eyes were filled with pain.

"No, Obito-kun. That's the whole point."

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Orochimaru felt like singing.

Oh, there had been many times when his intellectual mind had found a proper puzzle, it was true, but no other puzzle had ever been handed to him directly from the Hokage, no other puzzle had had such a debilitating time constraint, no other puzzle had given him this much emotional blackmail material, no other puzzle was complex in its medical aspect and _no other puzzle had saved him from looking at bloody aquifers_.

Kami-sama! He was _so_ glad he had a distraction from that boring job!

Orochimaru wasn't a man that let boredom affect him all that much, but after the _aquifers_ , he was quite seriously contemplating defection, no matter _how_ much easier it was to get live test subjects from the Orphanage.

Luckily, no one seemed to have noticed his body abductions either.

And, as luck would have it, he'd found an underground clan, the Iburi Clan, that had a really interesting kekkai genkai…

So much experimentation, so little time.

Orochimaru decided to skip to the door in sheer joy.

See, the aquifers had made him forget, but it was back.

His zeal for learning, excavating, disassembling, _discovering_ —oh he would do this project, and do it in record time.

His pride was on the line, and while a part of him knew that the Yondaime had manipulated said pride to get the job done quicker, Orochimaru couldn't care less.

He loved a challenge!

He giggled happily.

Oh, there was Anko, looking at him as though he was going insane.

 _Silly child_ , he thought. _I'm not_ going _insane; I'm already_ there _._

* * *

 _This chapter was so fast because I wanted to apologise to the Guest Reviewer whose day I ruined by posting an A/N instead of a chapter. Hey, I was having a pretty terrible week too, so I can empathise._

 _Also, I love you all, really I do. The supportive comments were...just, thank you. I'm so deeply touched that I...well, I updated faster._

 _And yeah, lots of medically stuff, not a lot of action or…well, plot progression was there, and all of it was necessary. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope at least half of it didn't go over your heads!_ _So yeah, ummm…here's Orochimaru! And they're on the right track for a cure now! But who knows, maybe the disease has progressed too far to fix…oooh…_

 ** _EDIT: Got rid of the sentence that said she was the only jinchuuriki to have given birth successfully. I was under the misguided assumption that Mito had had babies before becoming the jinchuuriki. My bad! :)_**

 _Also, I'm still not satisfied with the summary of this story, and if you've been keeping track from the beginning, you'll see that I've changed it four times so far. So, if anyone can think of a better summary, please leave it in a review!_

 ** _Edited 4/03/2017_**


	15. Warped Warriors

_**'We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realised they were inside us.'**_

* * *

 **Warning: lots of dark moral ambiguity up ahead. Also, suicidal ish. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

Kakashi stared at his face in the mirror, and after a few moments of gazing at it, it started looking unnatural, _alien_ , _**wrong**_.

He was looking at the face of a monster. A monster that he hadn't dared look at until now. His face became darker, scarier, _inhuman_ , the longer he looked at it. Was this what others saw? Was this the last thing his victims saw?

Morality didn't have a place in his life, but Obito was bored.

And when Obito was bored, he became inexplicably philosophical and _cruel_.

Cruel because he didn't let Kakashi live in his delusions anymore.

And he was still _talking_.

"Have you ever thought of the last thing you'd say? Like, every word is such a waste, because they're meaningless, aren't they? And we put so much _emphasis_ on _words_ , like as if they make a _difference_. But it's such a big thing - _last words_ , final breath, last smile…and we _waste_ it, or we _don't_ have _time_. And what do they matter after they've been said? Like, they're just _words_ , just sounds we make, like sneezes and grunts, and they're _useless_ , because with things you make, they _last_ , but words? Words don't do that. Words _fade_. _Words_ mean _nothing_ , but we all _want_ them to mean something, so we _keep pretending_ , and we all live in this mass _delusion_ that our words _matter_ , that last words _matter_."

Obito turned his head slightly to look at Kakashi, who hadn't stopped staring at the _him-not-him_ in the mirror. "Kakashi?"

Kakashi didn't want to think about this. Obito, curse his elasticity, would bounce right back from this introspection, but _Kakashi_ wouldn't. _Kakashi_ was too impressionable, too _unwhole_ to be able to ignore his best friend's epiphanies.

"I'm thinking of joining ANBU*," he said finally, turning away from the _monster-in-the-mirror_. Obito gaped at him, stretching his scarred skin grotesquely.

"Why?" Obito exclaimed. "It's too—"

Obito cut himself off abruptly.

"Dangerous?" intoned Kakashi sarcastically. "Completely different from what I've been doing up until now?"

Obito grimaced, remembering the _war_ , and the pain and death and shrapnel and chunks of flesh splattering his face because someone had blown up beside him; the eyeball he'd found buried in the mud when he'd tripped, and the vomiting in the bush and the sickness and disease that kept everyone awake at night, cough after cough resounding in the clearing, and the knowledge that _they were going to die, one way or another_.

"It's dehumanising," said Obito quietly. "The mask stops you from remembering you're human, Kakashi."

Kakashi sardonically touched his fabric mask and jabbed a thumb angrily at the mirror. "Do I _look_ human to you?" _Maybe I want to forget._

Obito hesitated as the overpowering _pain_ came crashing into him again, as his entire right side flared up in agony and he couldn't remember to breathe.

Kakashi chuckled softly. "Can you honestly say _any_ of us are human?"

Obito braced himself against the armrest, and grit his teeth, unable to force words out of his mouth. Funny how words _meant_ something now, when he'd been disparaging them before.

Kakashi turned back to the mirror, and to the monster within.

"We _are_ ," Obito finally managed. "Or, well, we're allowed to _try,_ Kakashi. And you of all people can't really afford to forget you're human. Because you've only _just_ let yourself be one."

Kakashi and his reflection turned to look at Obito's sweat carved face, the intense tissue damage marring his face and the black eye-patch covering his destroyed eye. "You think I'm human? After all I've done?" he asked quietly.

Obito glared at him with as much ferocity as he could muster through the receding pain. "Only a human could hate himself for not being one."

Kakashi laughed, a mad short laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

Two days later, Kakashi joined ANBU, and Obito sighed but teased him about how short the uniform made him look anyway, because that's what _friends do._

* * *

Orochimaru had no fucking clue what this molecular structure meant, and that translated itself into viciously 'training' his student.

Anko was just grateful he wasn't going all out this time.

* * *

Itachi wasn't one to question quirky behaviour, having been living with the paragon of go-with-the-flow for all his life, but even he had to admit that his Otouto's behaviour was… _odd_.

"Otouto," he said cautiously, "no temper tantrums."

Sasuke huffed petulantly and glared at his Aneki with the fury of a thousand suns.

Aneki was too busy chatting with a hollow, brittle, nearly catatonic Kushina-ba-chan to notice that her youngest brother was giving her the evils. Itachi sighed. "Why do you not like Aneki? Only a few weeks ago, you loved her just as much as you loved me."

Sasuke decided not to deign this with any sort of response, still adamantly glaring at his long-haired Aneki, who was heading his way now.

Itachi noticed that Aneki looked slightly haggard, but that she was still cheerfully laughing at something that Shisui-nii had said.

Ah. So she was okay then.

Itachi felt a lot of the tension that he'd been feeling for days melting off him, and he felt _young_ again.

"Otouto," she said to him happily, "Shisui-chan tells me you asked for genjutsu training from him?"

Itachi nodded solemnly, very serious about the commitment. Shisui gave him a grin and said, "Want to start now? We got a two hours' reprieve before we have to go back to the clean-up site."

Itachi nodded, a tad too eagerly if Aneki's giggle was anything to go by, before he got up and went to get changed into his gear. He left the door slightly open so that he could hear what they were talking about in the other room, in the very likely event that they asked for his input on something. They tended to do that a lot, and Itachi loved feeling that he had something to contribute, even though he was younger than them.

It made him happy that they treated him like an equal, but he didn't know how to express it properly.

It was alright though—Aneki understood, and Shisui-nii was really good at reading body language.

They _knew_.

* * *

"They've begun rebuilding already?" I asked in surprise.

Shisui-chan nodded. "So the rebuilding crew is just behind the clean-up crew. It's faster and more efficient that way."

I hummed in agreement.

Wow; I mean, if my previous world was _this_ proactive, construction work wouldn't take decades. But then, this _is_ a military village, and the population is smaller, so it's to be expected. Quite frankly, I'd be disappointed if they weren't this proactive, and it's that more than anything that's really made me realise that I've been in this world far too long.

I have _expectations_ and _standards_ now.

I never used to. I didn't _expect_ anything from my old government, but now, now that I'm so involved with the upper echelons and the political system, I _care_ more.

I'm strangely okay with this.

"Aki-senpai," Shisui-chan said, breaking me out of my epiphany. "Sasu-chan is glaring at you."

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and turned around to look at Sa-chan, who was, in fact, glaring at me.

"What's wrong, Sa-chan?" I asked, and he narrowed his eyes at me before huffily looking away.

Shisui-chan didn't even bother hiding his snickers.

"What's your deal, half-pint?" I asked, poking his soft baby cheek.

He puffed up his cheeks and turned away from me even further.

Shisui-chan was laughing too hard to be of any use right now. I was just too busy being confused to do anything about it. I mean, what? Has he already turned against the fairer sex? At _this_ age? Kami-sama, the boy isn't even a year old yet!

"Are you mad at me about something?" I frowned, pouting.

He pouted right back at me, glancing at me before abruptly sticking his nose up in the air and closing his eyes snootily, pretending I wasn't there.

My left eye twitched in irritation.

Now, I'm normally very easy-going, but this little uppity _bratling_ —

Whoa, where did that come from?

Hmmm…must be a sibling thing.

"Oi!" I yelled, making him stare at me wide-eyed. Shisui-chan had collapsed on the floor with the force of his laughter.

His lower lip started trembling, but he was holding his sobs in valiantly. No sympathy from me though, as I gave him my _own_ glare of uppity brattiness. "What's your deal? I'm your Aneki, and you're being a disrespectful little munchkin!"

Sa-chan gave me a baleful, teary-eyed look before slapping his forehead with his left hand, and then whining.

It was my turn to go wide-eyed. "Why'd you slap your head?!"

He did it again, then frowned at me, pouting adorably. I'm melting again.

"Stop slapping your forehead if you're going to whine about it!" I exclaimed as he slapped his forehead again. I mean, what is _up_ with this kid? I know Uchiha are geniuses so we can afford to lose some brain cells, but not _that_ many!

He pouted even harder and then looked at me very meaningfully and slapped his forehead _again_.

"Fine, if you want to give yourself a concussion, who am I to stop you!?" I yelled hysterically. Shisui-chan hadn't stopped laughing yet, tears streaming down his face now.

Itachi-touto came out of his room and took in the scene. I turned to him and nearly screamed, "Otouto, fix your brother!"

He looked at Sa-chan's petulant face and reddened forehead, took in Shisui-chan's laughing-crying collapsed form and my borderline hysterical body language, before turning around and walking back where he came from, slamming the door shut and pretending he'd never come out in the first place.

Coward.

Shisui-chan's voice trembled with mirth as he said, "I don't think he means to slap his head."

So then what does he mean to do? What's the deal with this kid? He's looking at me and slapping his forehead—oh, no, now he's trying to _poke_ his forehead…he's going to poke his _eye_ out—

Wait. Poke his forehead? And he's looking at where Itachi-touto had been standing just a second ago. Then he's looking at me and slapping his forehead and suddenly—

I gasped in shock. "Sa-chan, stop! I get it! I'm so sorry!"

He stopped, somehow understanding that I'd figured out why he was angry with me.

I gave him a soft smile and went over to him, bending down and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. My baby brother burst into inconsolable tears and I lifted him out of his baby chair. I rocked him in my arms and sank onto the floor, cuddling him to me and kissing his forehead softly again.

He started tugging on the loose strands of my hair just like he usually did, and I winced a bit but allowed it. "I'm really sorry, Sa-chan. I forgot to kiss you goodnight, didn't I?"

He pouted and glared at me without heat, before snuggling into me. I giggled at his cuteness as his cries hiccupped to a stop.

Shisui-chan's laughter was subsiding as well, and Itachi-touto must have felt it was safe to come out now.

"Have you two made up?" he asked, as solemnly as ever.

I nodded and Sa-chan gurgled happily. I swear this kid is bipolar.

A small bright smile lit up Itachi-touto's face. "Good; I don't like it when you two fight."

"Aw~!" I cooed, Sa-chan cooing with me. "Come here, Otouto! Group hug!"

He came over and snuggled on my other side, poking Sa-chan's forehead. Shisui-chan pretended to wipe a fake tear out of his eye. "Such a touching scene! But, Itachi-chama, we've already wasted enough time. Want to head out now?"

Itachi-touto nodded and left with Shisui-chan, leaving Sa-chan and I to each other's company.

"I haven't been spending enough time with you, huh?" I said, almost sadly. It isn't really fair that I'm missing so much of his childhood that he got angry with me for not kissing him good night for a few nights. "Well, to make up for it, how about I tell you a story?"

Sa-chan gurgled excitedly, yanking my hair harder. I didn't wince even though it _bloody_ _hurt_ , and began in English, " _Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Harry Potter, who lived with his Aunt and Uncle in a normal house, in a normal street, in a normal world without shinobi and jutsu and mental stability evaluations. But, you see, Harry was a very special boy. He was magical…"_

Sa-chan, whether he understood a word I said or not, listened attentively, until he fell asleep.

Ah, babies.

* * *

Orochimaru was stuck again, working out the compounds binding the immiscible molecules together. In his controlled frustration, Anko was sent to the hospital. Again.

Also, the Orphanage had lost another two children to the cause. It didn't matter that they weren't aware of said cause.

Orochimaru finally cracked the conundrum as the child on the experimenting table writhed underneath him in agony.

Back to the antidote.

* * *

Kushina trembles, and it's against all her instincts, because she doesn't _want_ to, you know?

But…

But the hallucinations are so _bad_ and…and she's already started seeing monsters instead of her friends, the people she loves, the people she would die for—

Kushina trembles, and it's against all her instincts, but she would rather die than lose herself. Rather die than forget that she _is_ loved.

Logically, she knows that the hallucinations aren't real, and Orochimaru-sama is working on the cure, so she should become better— _will_ become better—but that doesn't change the fact that that isn't guaranteed. She'd almost _killed_ her _son_. Her little Naru-chan, with his perfect eyes and cute button nose and adorable dimples and pudgy hands and—

And she'd nearly _killed_ him.

She was his _mother_.

If even instinct was being messed up by this illness, then what else? What else would she lose? What could she trust?

What more could she _afford_ to lose? _How_ could she trust?

Kushina trembles, and it's against all her instincts, but is it really?

She's always said that she'd die for the people she loves, always put them first. And wasn't she doing just that? Because she could _hurt_ them, _kill_ them, and this wasn't a monster she could fight. This wasn't an enemy she could defeat, because _she_ _was the enemy_.

She was, in essence, doing what she's always promised she would.

 _(don't die before me I love you I love you so don't you dare)_

Besides…

Besides…

It was cruel to expect her to _wait_ till she lost her mind completely, wasn't it? It was selfish of them.

 _(selfish of her for wanting to die wanting to make the doubt and tremors and numbness go away)_

She will never get used to how her face sometimes slackens completely, how she sometimes forgets that she's breathing, that she's speaking, has been speaking for a long time, and she's still worried she's said something she isn't supposed to, and Minato looks sick and it's _her_ fault, she's supposed to be his sanity, his moral compass, it's her _purpose_ and she can't do that anymore because she's losing it, she doesn't _have a purpose anymore_ —

Kushina trembles, but she doesn't think she has the strength left to wait for the inevitable.

Everyone dies. Her time will just have to come a little earlier than most expected it.

Kushina trembles, and the tantō clenched in her white-knuckled hands glints in the moonlight.

It's like a star, and she wonders whether she'll become one.

Her mother used to tell her stories about the stars, and the Uzumaki that had managed to catch one and bring it to earth. It's always been one of her favourites, because she's always secretly believed in miracles like that.

Stars and Minato and Naruto and Akito and Itachi and Obito and Kakashi and Rin and Mikoto—all miracles, and she's so lucky to have had them, _held_ them all, because how many others can say that they've had that? That they've had the best of the best of the world? To have them all and to have _lived_ for them for so long?

She's scared she's going mad, and she's scared that she's losing her grip on time. But while Kushina trembles, she doesn't put the tantō down.

Kushina decides that it will be one swift plunge, one strike and eternal night. One strike and _death_.

She wonders whether she'll be forgiven for all the murders she's committed. She isn't naïve enough to believe she's innocent, that what she's done her whole career, no matter how justifiable, is anything _but_.

It's dark, and the other people of the house will be arriving soon. It's that one time in the day that she's left to her own thoughts—the two minutes give or take between when Mikoto leaves and Minato arrives—and this is the only time she can do this.

She knows they will stop her, and maybe, deep down, _deep deep deep down_ , she wants to be stopped.

But that's only a small part of her, because Kushina's too scared of hurting anyone, of being the reason for the pain in the people around her, for becoming something she's not quite— _never will be_ —ready to be.

Kushina trembles, and she thrusts the tantō forwards, blade piercing her heart—

"Kushina!"

The blade doesn't even graze her properly before it is taken away from her.

She slowly looks up to see Minato's horrified gaze in the moonlight, and the worst part is seeing the _understanding_ in his eyes, because he shouldn't—shouldn't make her feel— _guilty_ because—because—

"Kushina, please don't," he says, voice trembling with fear and emotional pain, and she's done this to him, she's _done this to him_.

Her eyes glisten in the moonlight, and she's still trembling even though the tantō is no longer in her hands. "I don't want to hurt anyone," she whispers into the darkness, and he wraps his warm, safe hands around her, pulling her close, trembling against her, shaking and shaking but saying nothing.

It's not his job, she thinks, to comfort her, and especially not when _he_ is vulnerable too.

So she lets him hold her, shake against her, lets him ensure that she's still alive and there, that he wasn't too late this time—how many times, she remembers with sudden clarity, has he come home shaking because he wasn't fast enough to save someone?

She allows herself to be comforted, to allow _him_ to comfort _her_ , because she loves him, and she knows he loves her more than anything else in the world.

And it's because of that love, because he's so strong and brave and _good_ and _hers_ , that she can't tell him why.

How can she tell him that she's fading away?

 _(that she's already gone?)_

* * *

Experiment #34 didn't take the serum for improved reflexes very well.

That was wonderful—#34 had a motor deficiency to begin with, so that ruled out the last anomaly in the epsilon category. Now if only he could work out the zeta aspect, his cursed seal could—

Blast it! Where were the paper towels? The chemical reaction he'd been working on to create a powdered form of the leaves used to rectify spinal irregularities had boiled over while he wasn't paying attention.

Oh, it'd smudged his notes on the aquifer composition…

He banged his head against the table.

Stupid aquifers!

* * *

Minato scribbled a few suggestions onto a document before filing it away, thinking absentmindedly that he _really_ needed a secretary.

Pity the trustworthy ones were all in ANBU and may be compromised.

In more ways than one.

He still had the letter to the Daimyo drying on one of the cleared up spaces on his desk, and the trade routes' map needed to be updated for this week, so that any C-rank missions didn't go awry unexpectedly. Then there was the harvest monthly report that he needed to read back to front, in the very likely event that it was quoted against him at the civvies' meeting next month—the civilian council meeting, which was more just a few representatives bringing him their problems, both petty and _extremely_ important for the continuity of the village, to his attention for a half hour session not unlike a mission debriefing every month.

Minato had a _lot_ of work to get done.

But…

He put the piece of paper he was working on away and closed his eyes wearily, running a hand through his messy blond hair.

The sun was setting behind him, the shadows reaching their longest, and Minato rubbed his eyes in weary frustration. He hated not being able to do anything, and yes, alright, he was doing a lot for the village, but that didn't mean he was doing _enough_.

He wasn't _improving_ anything. He was still fixing October's damages to bring the village back to equilibrium, but he wasn't making it _better_.

He'd had so many plans before becoming Hokage, before becoming Jounin-sensei, before becoming a chuunin commander, before joining ANBU…he'd had so many things he'd wanted to make better, so many improvements, so many _dreams_ —

And now?

He couldn't remember the last time he _wasn't_ tired, the last time he'd allowed himself to be idealistic.

Not moderately idealistic, but _properly_ idealistic.

He supposed that these thoughts were clouding his head because he was distracting himself from Kushina, but that didn't mean these thoughts weren't _valid_.

He slowly straightened in his seat and left the office, leaving the rest of his work for the next day. Today, he knew, he wouldn't be getting any work done.

He was walking home, waving to several people he came across, making them either gawp at him or wave back enthusiastically with ardent cries of, "Yondaime-sama! Yondaime-sama!" and suddenly, inexplicably, he didn't want to go home anymore.

He veered onto a different path, though it wasn't until he reached Orochimaru-sama's home that he realised where he'd wanted to go.

Should he go in?

He didn't want to disturb the Snake Sannin's work—he was working on _curing_ Kushina, after all—but there was an itch that he wanted scratched. There was something…something urging him to go in and figure out—

Figure out what?

Unbidden, images of laughing children and Akito-chan saying, "kids from the Orphanage are missing, Minato-sama…" floated into his head, and a memory of Orochimaru-sama's face with a cruel tilt of his head saying, "we have the resources, we just need _test subjects_ …" superimposed upon it.

Minato knew that if he went in there, _really_ decided to go in there and satisfy his suspicious curiosity, he would _find_ what it was he was looking for.

He would.

He'd find, perhaps, the smell of freshly spilt blood, or unexplainable carcasses that looked freshly killed that couldn't possibly be from the morgue if he cross-referenced the records.

But then, he'd also have to arrest, execute or permanently destroy Orochimaru for his crimes against the children of Konoha.

And none of those methods would allow the Master of Poisons to find an antidote for Kushina's poison, and to give it to Minato willingly.

So this was a dilemma.

And he didn't…his conscious was, for the first time, at war with his heart.

Because he was supposed to care for everyone equally, but Kushina _meant more_ than orphaned children that might _theoretically_ (Minato, after all, didn't have _actual proof_ ) be being experimented upon.

It was with a bitter taste in his mouth that he turned away from Orochimaru's abode and walked home.

Because Minato was _human_ , and humans always prioritise their own over all others.

He loves Kushina so much it _hurts_ , in the nicest way possible, and he hates how this makes him a bad person, how this will eat away at him for the rest of his life, for every night he recounts his regrets, but he won't change his mind about walking away, and dealing with Orochimaru and the disappearing children another day.

And he _hated_ himself for it.

(But he wouldn't, given a second chance, choose differently.)

* * *

I was at Kushina-ba-chan's apartment again, relieving Okaa-san of permanent babysitting duty for an hour before I had to go back to the rubble site. She hasn't had a reprieve in more than two days, and taking care of _two_ under-six-months for that long is just asking for a mental breakdown.

My favourite godmother was sitting on her sofa with a large bowl of unpeeled potatoes on her lap, a peeler in one hand and a potato in the other.

"What ho, Kushina-ba-chan!" I exclaimed cheerfully, successfully ignoring her slackened expression, the unnatural grip she had on the peeler and her full-body tremors.

Alright, by "successfully ignored", I mean "didn't let it affect my mood".

"Aki-chan," she said, smiling, but with far less enthusiasm than I'm used to. "Where's your shadow?"

She sounded tired, like as if she'd just finished six successive weeks of Gai-sensei level training with no bathroom breaks or ramen-refuelling.

 _No ramen-refuelling_.

It's a thing now.

I replied like as if this was normal. "Shisui-chan's helping the oldies ship themselves to the recently rebuilt accommodations temporarily till everyone can be rejigged. Most of the Eastern District's been cleared up so they're waiting for the go-ahead on the expansion now."

And wasn't that quick? I mean, the disaster happened on October the 10th, and the expansion was scheduled to take place this evening, on October the 24th. That's _fourteen days_. That's a _single fortnight_.

Kami-sama, this just further proves how slow my previous world was with construction! I remember there being a new building under construction in front of my house. For more than seven years.

It _still_ hadn't been finished when I'd died.

"That's awesome!" she exclaimed, and I could almost pretend that nothing was wrong with her. I grinned back at her.

"Yup! How's the antidote coming along?" I asked, deciding that shying away from the subject would just make her feel more uncomfortable.

Judging by the relaxation of her shoulders, I was right.

She hummed, gathering her thoughts. "It's coming along, apparently. Minato hasn't gotten an update yet, but he _did_ get a sample of the poison to work with only two days ago, when you made that breakthrough, so I'm not that surprised dattebane."

She smashed a hand against her mouth in horror. I smirked. "Ah, the verbal tic is back, huh?"

"Shut up, brat!"

I laughed. "There you are!"

She tilted her head in confusion. "Of course here I am. Haven't moved, have I?"

I shook my head. "No, I mean, there's the Kushina-ba-chan I know and worry about insanity levels of!"

"…I'm…me? Even with all this…"

I nodded, even though she couldn't find the words. "Of course you're still you, Kushina-ba-chan. You'll _always_ be you," I said, smiling softly.

She grabbed me and yanked me into a hug, and I don't know _what_ I'd done, but apparently, something very profound had just happened.

I wrapped my arms around her too, although they didn't go around all the way, owing to the fact that I'm _still_ seven.

Sigh.

It's not fair that Shisui-chan's older than me!

She was trembling again, but I didn't think it was the degenerative disease this time—it was pure, raw relief.

After a few moments of hugging, she relaxed her grip on me. So, to relieve the potential ensuing embarrassment, I added, "Unless you become a professional mime. _Then_ we might have to _actually_ get you mental help."

She chuckled. "Yeah? You and what army?"

I stuck my tongue out at her, and she attempted to bite it. I giggled, and asked, "So the cure's on the way then?"

She nodded, looking considerably more cheerful than she was at the beginning of our conversation.

"Mhmm," she said. "And with the leading poison specialist in Konoha working on it, or so Rin-chan says, it should only be 'a matter of days' till he cracks the poison and develops an antidote."

I tilted my head in confusion. As far as I was aware, the Uchiha poison specialist was Ureshi-ne—Ureshi, and in the future, the poison specialist in Konoha was either Senju Tsunade, Kato Shizune or Mitarashi Anko, but none of them are _here_ right now.

So who?

"Who's the leading poison specialist?" I asked curiously, mind half-distracted by the smell of a dirty diaper that needed changing soon, before Naru-chan kicked up a fuss about being ignored. Such a demanding baby.

Kushina-ba-chan replied, as though the answer was obvious, bringing the potato peeler down on the potato, "Orochimaru-sama, duh!"

I froze, and my insides turned to spaghetti.

" _Who?!"_ I yelled, startling both the Uzumaki in the room.

Naru-chan started crying in earnest and I ran to shush him up, body on auto-pilot as I processed _this_.

Of course!

Missing children and tongues and—Kami-sama, I feel so _stupid_ for not making the connection sooner!

I guess in my head, Orochimaru was already a missing-nin, and he hadn't registered as a home threat because I didn't think he _was_ at home.

But he _was_. Of _course_ he was—Sarutobi-sama didn't boot him out of the village until Uzumaki Naruto was _three_. Or, wait, no…that isn't right…

Wasn't it the official appointment of Minato-sama as the Yondaime that led to him becoming less discreet about his experimentations? So he was supposed to have…wasn't he exposed _before_ the Kyuubi Attack?

So what was he still doing in the village?

Wait, now that I think about it, the one who went after him was Sarutobi Hiruzen—a Sarutobi Hiruzen that _hadn't_ recently lost his daughter, and who wasn't distracted by a still-not-fully-healed wife.

So wait, whatever changes I'd made prior to the Kyuubi Attack had let Orochimaru experiment on _more_ children?!

Unless he actually _was_ exposed when Naruto was three.

Masashi Kishimoto, what is _with_ your vague timeline!?

Make it vaguer, you haven't confused me enough!

Point is, whether Orochimaru was exposed before the Kyuubi Attack or years afterwards, I had to stop him _now_.

But where would I get the proof? I mean, Orochimaru _is_ one of the Densetsu no Sannin, _and_ he is—

The only chance Kushina-ba-chan has to a cure.

Oh, Kami-sama, DILEMMA!

…breathe Akito, breathe.

One step at a time.

You have to _prove_ that Orochimaru is the one who's been doing the kidnapping, and to do that, you need to _get out there and find proof_.

Naru-chan puked on my arm with a baby-burp. I focused my wandering thoughts on the current situation, and I noticed that Kushina-ba-chan was hovering uncertainly in my peripheral vision.

Right, first things first; get Naru-chan cleaned up, wait for Itachi-touto and Sa-chan to return from their grocery foray because neither one of these two can be left unattended, not after Kushina-ba-chan was put on suicide watch _(and why should that affect how I treat her? She's still Kushina-ba-chan, and we just have to keep reminding her of the fact, that's all_ ).

After that, grab Shisui-chan and debrief him, and then find Kabuto and debrief _him_ , and then set out to finding _lots_ of proof.

Can't be too thorough when you're trying to expose a lauded war veteran and ex-candidate for the Hokage seat as a shamity sham sham, after all.

* * *

The minute Minato got home, looked at sweet little Naruto-chan tucked in his soft orange covers, his mother slumped against the wall, too afraid to be too close and too worried to be too far…

He sighed and left to go back to the Hokage Office.

He'd decided he would let his suspicions about Orochimaru's activities rest, but, well…

It wasn't _him_.

After thinking about it on the way back home, after seeing his baby (who could have been _anyone's_ baby, and how _dare_ he think he could go through with letting the kidnappings continue like he'd almost allowed?), after seeing his wife (Kushina, if he'd told her about his passivity to his suspicions, would have _killed_ him), he'd decided to compromise.

He had no _evidence_ against Orochimaru-sama, just a hunch.

Of course, his hunches weren't ever really that off the mark. But to think…Orochimaru-sama of all people?

 _He has full access to the morgue, and he's allowed to experiment on those bodies—I have the biannual approval forms right here. So why would he feel the need to…to kidnap children?_

Minato didn't have as much of a scientific disposition as Orochimaru-sama, but even _he_ could hazard a guess as to the whys. _Live subjects._

"Goat," he said calmly.

ANBU Goat dropped from the roof silently, bowing his head to the Hokage.

Minato sighed. "A squad of three for an espionage and research mission, S-rank target, under your command. If you don't mind taking my suggestion on board, I recommend Tiger and Snail, although it's entirely up to you who you pick for your team."

Goat nodded, awaiting more details. Minato looked serious, letting none of his conflicting emotions show. "Orochimaru-sama is a suspect in the recent rash of disappearances of minors. No one else must be alerted to the suspicions, least of all the suspect. Gather irrefutable evidence to link Orochimaru-sama to the disappearances. No fabrication of evidence or subjectivity. He _does_ have clearance to experiment on recently-deceased corpses. The minute you have enough evidence, bring me your findings. The sooner this stops, the better."

Goat hesitated. "What if…permission to interfere with live subject experimentation, Hokage-sama."

The atmosphere had gone frighteningly cold with the topic being discussed, and Minato could see that the tension was getting to his guards. "If it can be done _covertly_. Keep in mind that he is one of the sannin, Goat. He isn't stupid, and he's very methodical."

Goat nodded, and when Minato dismissed him, he flickered away.

Now it was a race.

What would happen first? Orochimaru-sama finding a cure, or the ANBU gathering enough evidence to convict him?

Either way, Minato had done the right thing.

He plodded home again, wondering when it had become so _hard_ to be in the right.

(Kushina might never get better, and it would be _his_ fault.)

* * *

Kabuto's face was a scary shade of I'm-going-to-kill-the-snake-pedo, and Shisui-chan wasn't very far off.

"So, Orochimaru-sama—excuse me, that's not correct— _Orochi-teme_ is responsible for the disappearance of over _two hundred_ children across Konoha?" he demanded, clenching his jaw in anger.

Shisui-chan, who'd coined the loving nickname, nodded. When I'd told him about it yesterday evening, he'd been horrified, started finding holes in my "theory", found _several_ holes in my hastily put-together excuse for knowing things I shouldn't, realistically, have a clue about, and then trusted me anyway.

Kabuto, on the other hand, required no such procedural events—he trusted my word implicitly.

"No," I clarified, "not all the kids. We know that a lot of them are ROOT recruits, but yes, the rest of them, definitely Orochi-teme."

Kabuto gritted his teeth. "And you haven't told Minato-sama because?"

"Because we don't have conclusive proof," said Shisui-chan calmly, having the desired effect of soothing both our tempers and restoring equilibrium. "And we're not going to find it standing around here. First stop, the Orphanage!"

Together, Kabuto, Shisui-chan and I roof-jumped (no chakra, just par for the course gravity defiance) to the Orphanage, which had suffered, surprisingly, only minimal damage. A bit of caved-in roofing, the ceiling was a tad pockmarked with holes, and the flooring needed replacing because of the flooding damages, but other than that, it passed inspection.

When we got there, we questioned multiple people about if they'd seen "a shady guy, maybe yellow eyes, maybe purple eyeliner, maybe snaky snaky, maybe a Voldemort look-alike with hair?"

Ostensibly, the last one just garnered weird looks from everybody, a fond smirk from Shisui-chan and a facepalm from Kabuto.

"Akito-kun!"

I turned to find the owner of the call, and sure enough, there was Emiko-chan, returning from the rubble site. With a smile, I greeted her. "Emiko-chan! Sorry we abandoned you, but an urgent matter came up."

She waved me off. "It's okay. You're a busybody, and you don't have much time for me. I understand."

Ouch.

Way to make me feel guilty, Emiko-chan.

And yet, because I know how inherently manipulative she is, I just smirk and say, "I'm glad you do—wouldn't want to damage your fragile mental state."

She giggled, and in that giggle, I heard forgiveness.

Wow, that last line was _poetic_.

Heh.

Shisui-chan then said, "Yes, thank you for acknowledging my existence too."

Emiko-chan raised an eyebrow at him. "Why's the lackey speaking?"

"I trained him well," I replied, equally as sassily. Shisui-chan rolled his eyes at the verbal abuse Emiko-chan habitually doled out.

Just then, Emiko-chan finally noticed Kabuto, her green eyes widening in shock. "Kabuto-san?!" she exclaimed, and it was with a dignified snort that I responded to Kabuto's deer-about-to-get-run-over-by-several-speeding-cars expression.

"It's nice to see you, Emiko-san," he replied awkwardly, having no idea how to respond. At all.

Yare yare…

He needs to work on the whole acting-sufficiently-human-to-fool-the-masses gimmick.

With an imperceptible glance at Shisui-chan, I knew he agreed completely.

"Hey, Emiko-chan," said Shisui-chan suddenly. "Have _you_ seen any shady guy around here, when any of the kids disappeared? Purple eyeliner, perhaps? Yellow eyes, maybe? Snaky sna—"

"YES!" she yelled, almost squealed. "Yes, yellow eyes! I saw them—I'd almost forgotten about them—right when we were evacuating to the shelters. Why? Have you figured out who the kidnapper is?"

Who would've thought that our first bit of solid proof was this close to home?

"Yeah," Kabuto said, almost vindictively. "Yeah we have. We just need _conclusive_ proof. Thank you, Emiko-san."

"Y-You're welcome," she said, almost shyly. Wait…

Was that a _blush_ on her face!?

Hoho!

I slapped Kabuto's hand as he pushed up his glasses with his middle finger.

He didn't even blink at the blow, merely accepting it as a ritual.

"We've known each other too long," I informed him.

Shisui-chan let out a short laugh.

Kabuto gave me a look of mock-confusion. "You make it sound like as if it's a _bad_ thing."

I grinned.

* * *

It took two days of running around, asking specific and subtle questions—depending on the questionee—before we'd gathered enough 'coincidental sightings' to prove that it wasn't exactly 'coincidental'.

With a bit of sneaky sneaky, I managed to break into the morgue records and match it to the last update provided by Orochi-teme about his experimentations to the KMPF (gained courtesy Shisui-chan's almost terrifying but still awesome genjutsu casting abilities).

Kabuto's face lit up as he pored over the files, then it soured as he realised what it meant.

"So the figures don't add up. He says he used forty-two bodies between ages eight and eighteen, but the number of available cadavers at his disposal was twenty one," Kabuto concluded. "And that's only this month. If we go back further—"

"The numbers _still_ don't add up," said Shisui-chan.

"And the disparity between the figures is more obvious," I finished.

We stared at each other, then the stolen files, then each other again.

"We have technically illegal proof," said Shisui-chan.

Kabuto pushed his glasses up his nose and I automatically slapped his hand. "But is it enough to convince Hokage-sama?"

Shisui-chan and I exchanged a loaded glance.

"It's a start," I said finally, gathering up the papers. "It'll make him investigate it at any rate, and that's more than we had before."

Kabuto nodded, and Shisui-chan stood up, dusting his trousers off.

"To the Hokage Office?" he asked.

I nodded. "To the Hokage Office."

* * *

Four days after Orochimaru was given the task of figuring out a cure, he _did_.

It was experimental, untested (exactly how many test subjects did he even _have_ anyway?) but the point of the fact was that he was _done_.

He'd succeeded in figuring out the formula for the antidote (Rin-sensei's thorough notes and research on Lewy-Body dementia, manganism and Parkinson's had helped tremendously, and had expedited the research aspect by five days), and the sheer _joy_ at figuring out the conundrum was enough for him. It was such a _heady_ feeling, his talents being vindicated, his genius given an opportunity to shine—

Orochimaru had, in the space of the four days, gone through three test subjects, and the last of his Hashirama clone embryos had died—a failed experiment then, unlike when he'd used Senju Hashirama's DNA to grow an appendage for Shimura Danzou.

Oh well; it mattered not.

The cure had been discovered, and it would _work_ , and the Yondaime would be indebted to him, should anything go south.

It would later occur to him that he should have tried implanting or inserting a fault in the antidote to use as leverage.

But he, just like most people back when Minato was just a civilian-born physically weak academy student, underestimated the Yondaime Hokage of Konoha.

It was strange, how people _still_ did that, even though he'd proven himself time and time again.

* * *

Goat, tailed by Snail, snuck into the living-room-turned-lab as quietly as possible.

Orochimaru-sama had departed, and the five year old child with two missing _bleeding_ limbs still had a faint pulse.

"Enough evidence gathered?" he asked Snail, hovering over the child.

A pause, long enough that the heartbeat stopped.

Another one dead, and Goat knew that it was his fault. All he'd done was _watch_ , and what a _coward_ that made him—

"Hai, Taichou."

Snail tapped a thick glass tube with a semi-developed embryo in it, floating in viscous green liquid. "Taichou, this one is alive."

Goat veritably _smashed_ the glass open, and a little boy with brown hair breathed real air for the first time in _ages._ The semi-developed embryo grotesquely clung to his face, red congealed blood globules _squidge_ -ing through his grasping fingers.

"Take him to the hospital," said Goat, helping Tiger pick the catatonic boy up gently. "I'll report to Yondaime-sama. We have _fucking irrefutable proof_.'

* * *

Minato, on the evening of the 26th of October, watched Orochimaru-sama from across the Hokage Office, wondering whether his ANBU team had managed to find anything yet.

Orochimaru-sama was, after all, a Kage-level shinobi—he wouldn't be _that_ easy to find dirt on, and more than that, there might not be dirt on him to _begin_ with.

After all, the underground prison was teeming with live subjects, and Orochimaru-sama had access to those as well. Granted, they were mostly mid-adult to pre-elderly _(no one survived the business past the age of forty by getting caught)_ , but there couldn't be _that_ much of a difference between prepubescent and post, surely.

 _Of course there is,_ Minato's mind interfered, as per usual, dispelling his feigned ignorance. _Children have pluripotent stem cells; their chakra is easier to manipulate; they're less tainted by disease and injuries that might factor in as variables to any experiment—_

Sometimes, being a genius wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

But Minato got the feeling that he was still _missing_ something…

Rin was in the room as well, and so was Kushina; Rin was listening to Orochimaru-sama's instructions carefully and Minato felt…sad. No, _disappointed_ would be a better word.

He'd always looked up to Orochimaru-sama, ever since he was seven and had met him for the first time (Jiraiya-sensei, on the other hand, had lost any tentative credibility he'd had on that day)—they'd both been lauded as 'a genius that is born only once in a generation', and they'd both lost their parents at a very early age. Minato remembered many an evenings and nights spent in each other's company as they hashed out the logistical aspect of ground warfare, and…

He'd seriously admired the man who seemed to know so much about _the world_ , more so than Minato had ever known, and if his brain wasn't so _quick_ and able to link things together of its own volition, Minato needn't have had to say goodbye to one of the smartest minds he'd ever known.

His sensei's _best friend_.

Minato felt a dull ache in his heart when he thought about how Jiraiya-sensei would react to the revelation that his _best friend of more than thirty two years_ was kidnapping innocent children and experimenting on them.

Minato had, of course, seen what Orochimaru-sama did to the prisoners of war. Their squadrons had come together at some point during the war and Minato had disagreed on principle with what the Snake Sannin did. The twisted bodies, the blood-curdling screams, the beggings for mercy…no, Minato could neither forget nor condone the war crimes Orochimaru-sama had committed. But, well, that was _war_ , wasn't it?

There _were_ no humanitarian rules that were internationally agreed upon. All's fair in love and war, and that's just the way it was on the Shinobi Continent.

 _And no one's going to change it anytime soon,_ thought Minato exasperatedly. _If I were Hokage—_

Minato's eyes widened.

Kami-sama, he _was_ the Hokage!

Already, even as he watched Rin inject his waning wife with a cobalt blue solution, a fraction of his brain was working out a Rules of War treaty for future international negotiations.

"This is the full stock," said Orochimaru-sama in his snaky-snaky voice. _(Oh Obito, what have you done to me?)_ "Twice every day for the next fortnight. There should be enough in there, but if not, I can always make more."

Minato quietly observed Rin check all of Kushina's vitals, conduct a rudimentary chakra scan and purse her lips in thought. "There seems to be no harmful side-effect to the antidote. And there doesn't seem to be an actual effect at all…"

"The Kyuubi disagrees," said Kushina, light shining in her eyes for the first time in a _long_ time. "It _works_ dattebane!"

Minato broke out into a smile, and his eyes may have gotten watery, and he may or may not have started planning a _huge_ party to celebrate—

When the door burst open, and in came Akito-chan, Shisui-kun and, almost invisible to the untrained eye, a small blank-masked ANBU Minato was certain was Kabuto-kun, looking as if they'd run a mile at top speed. Almost simultaneously, Goat flung himself through the window.

At the same time, Akito-chan, Shisui-kun and Goat said in tandem, **"We have proof that Orochimaru is experimenting on children illegally!"**

 _Impressive_ , thought Minato absentmindedly, _that felt almost rehearsed_.

"Minato?" asked Kushina in confusion, Rin tensed as a guitar string for any sudden movements.

"Minato-kun," said Orochimaru-sama dangerously. "How very… _forward_ of you. Is this the thanks I get for saving your wife?"

The Yondaime Hokage of Konoha, in all his blond and blue-eyed glory, evenly retorted, "Thank you for saving Kushina, but whatever favours you may have done for me do not exempt you from facing the consequences of your crimes."

"Oh?" said Orochimaru mockingly. "And what would those be?"

Minato gave him a faux-friendly smile. "Why, I think you ought to know better than anyone else, Orochimaru-sama. Harming the children of Konoha without the Hokage's consent is punishable by life-time incarceration, extended torture under the guise of 'mental correction', or execution. You were, if I'm not much mistaken, one of the ones that voted for that set of laws to go through."

Orochimaru jeered at Minato. "How very… _cruel_ of you, Minato-kun. Is this how you repay those that help you?"

Most anyone would have felt guilty for using and then incarcerating someone they respected and had a personal connection with just after they'd saved their most precious person's life. Minato was not one of them.

"Gratitude has its place, but so does common human decency," said Akito-chan with heat. "You're not 'decent', just so you're aware."

Orochimaru-sama looked at the girl with barely-disguised contempt. "You seem to be under the misguided assumption that experimentation is pure evil. Let me disabuse you of that notion. I've developed more antidotes and cures for previously incurable diseases than there are people in your clan. I have saved more lives than I have, as you seem to think, so callously destroyed. The world," he intoned, "is not so black and white, little girl."

Unlike what Minato had half-assumed would happen, Akito-chan didn't cower. Instead, she glared back tenfold and said, "That's nice. So what?"

Orochimaru-sama was speechless at this obtuse obstinacy, but Minato understood. Akito had come to the same conclusion he had about the experimentations and their good for society. There were _lines_ , and Orochimaru-sama had crossed one.

"Innocent children with futures won't have one because of you," she said sadly, levelling a look of sheer disappointment at Orochimaru-sama (the disappointment, even though it wasn't directed at him, made Shisui-chan feel _awful_ ). "That will never, _should never_ , be okay. To help humanity, you shouldn't stop being human."

From the ceiling dropped down his other guards, Whale and Cow. "Come quietly, Orochimaru-sama. Resistance is genuinely futile at this point, don't you think?"

Rin immediately, without even waiting for any prompting or _anything_ , ran as far away from Orochimaru-sama as the room would allow so that the antidote was out of Orochimaru-sama's line of fire, and Minato felt a bubble of pride threatening to make him smile at his student's mental acuity, even though smiling right now would be a _bad_ idea.

Kushina had time for _one_ blink before Orochimaru-sama broke into a run, flinging himself out of—

Kushina's chakra chains went _clang-schlick_ and Minato barely made a whisper before he was blocking Orochimaru-sama's way. Not that he could escape, of course, what with the glowing chakra chains binding him as tightly as humanly possible.

Orochimaru-sama opened his mouth, but Minato didn't wait for another spiel or attempted resistance. His ANBU were just about to slap one of his seals onto his face when the Snake Sannin slumped over.

Minato didn't know whether that was faked or not _(it looked very genuinely like as if he'd been knocked out)_ , so he motioned for the ANBU to go ahead and place the seal of submission on him anyway.

His eyes roved the room as the bound Orochimaru-sama was taken out of the room by Whale and Goat, Cow staying behind, landing on a sheepish Shisui-kun.

When the boy noticed his Hokage's eyes on him, he grinned with a bright blush on his face. "Sorry for interfering. It's just, well, I had the genjutsu in my head and I just thought 'wouldn't it be nice if I had a guinea pig to test it out?' and he was _right there_ , so, yeah!"

Minato cracked a smile, and Kushina began cackling.

"You knocked out a _Sannin_ with one of your on-the-fly genjutsu?" Rin spluttered.

Akito-chan grinned and slung an arm around Shisui-kun's shoulder _(Minato immediately noticed the faint blush on the boy's face at this contact that had nothing to do with his previous embarrassment)_ , saying, 'Well, he _is_ a genius!'

No one disputed that.

(Kabuto, hidden away from normal sight, felt his respect and trust in Minato-sama build up, now knowing, after hearing Goat's reason for bursting into the Office, that his Hokage hadn't just abandoned the children he didn't know.)

Whale and Goat returned after a few short heartbeats, and kneeled. 'Prisoner incarcerated in Holding Cell θ. Vetted ANBU platoon, 24 hour-survelliance.'

"Well done," Minato said, smiling at his guards. 'Dismissed.'

He mentally told himself to remember to get his three ANBU some freshly-baked chocolate cake. He also told himself to bake said cake. He hadn't baked in a while and the tension was getting to him.

(Goat, Whale and Cow were blushing happily at Minato-sama's pleasure with their work. Yes, they were self-respecting shinobi that didn't really need anyone's approval, but Minato-sama was a special case—he just made everything seem so much more worthwhile. And he was just so _nice_ that it was wonderful when he was proud of them!

…they are well aware that this makes them sound like sissies. They would also like to remind anyone that dared call them out on it that they were trained assassins and could kill you faster than you could _blink_.)

Holding Cell θ was where all the Kage-level shinobi were supposed to be kept (it was the room the Kyuubi transfer had taken place in nearly fifteen years ago), and it had the appropriate number of seals, i.e. Paranoid Hypochondriac Level.

And thus, the threat of Orochimaru was annulled.

"Well," said Akito-chan, pushing her hair out of her face. " _That_ was anti-climactic."

* * *

 **OMAKE**

There was a draft coming in through the open door and Sasuke was _not_ pleased. He was shivering in his little woollen booties, and Aniki wasn't available on hand to shut the door for him. Being as he was only three months old, he couldn't really do much to impede the annoying air flow.

With monumental effort, Sasuke rolled over, and then promptly got terribly tired.

No more activity for the rest of the day if he could help it.

He gurgled unhappily at the door, and then jumped in surprise when he heard another gurgle next to him. Eyes wide and full of fright, Sasuke turned, unsure of what to do if it wasn't something _good_.

What if it was a _girl?_

But no, it turned out to be a baby littler than him, and Sasuke watched the baby curiously. It had bright hair and light eyes, and Sasuke wondered what this alien thing was. The baby shivered next to Sasuke, and Sasuke, instinctively, rolled back over to protect the littler being with his body from the cold wind.

The baby gurgled in something that Sasuke was sure was happiness, and Sasuke happily squealed at the baby, shoving his baby-fist into the baby's baby-fist. The baby reflexively grabbed onto Sasuke's fist, and the two fell into a comfortable lull together. Then Sasuke began making unintelligible noises at the baby in a mock-version of chatter, and the baby let out a baby-sigh and opened his eyes irritably.

This was the first time Uchiha Sasuke met Namikaze Naruto.

This set the precedent for their relationship too.

Much banter.

* * *

*Rin never died, Obito was never crushed, so Kakashi didn't join ANBU before the Kyuubi Attack like he did in canon.

 _Okay, the thing about Minato. Right, you know how when you're making a decision that's got your mind preferring to do homework rather than think about the decision you have to make? This was one of them, and there've been several instances where I've decided on a course of action, told myself and convinced myself that that is_ _ **definitely**_ _what I'm going to do, but then I end up going ahead and doing the other thing anyway, because it may not be what my first instinct told me to do, but it's the wiser and more noble of the two options. I mean, I've never had to make a decision like Minato's, but I know I'd selfishly elect to keep pretending nothing was happening so that the love of my life could be cured. But…I'm not Minato so yeah…he would've sacrificed his family to protect Konoha (not kill them, of course. I mean put them through a lot of stress and emotional turmoil) so I don't think he would've ignored the Orochimaru crisis if it had hit him that it might have been the Snake Sannin that was kidnapping children and experimenting on them._

 _About morality: I tried to be balanced here. This is like stem cell research as well, actually, and it_ is _good for humanity in general, but at the same time, to save humanity, you don't destroy what makes humanity humane, do you? That's my opinion, however, and I don't think Minato or Akito would have a different one._

 _Anyway, we all know that Orochimaru was experimenting on children to develop the curse seal so that he could become immortal. Akito knows this, and Minato will too, just as soon as he goes through Goat's report._

 _Speaking of Goat, Whale and Cow, which one do you think is which? Canonically, Tatami Iwashi, Namiashi Raidō and Shiranui Genma are the members of the Hokage Guard Platoon, so who's which animal mask?_

 _Kushina is cured!_

 _Of course, it'll take a bit of time for her to be a 100%, and some things won't be the same mentally, but other than that, she should make a full recovery_ _And she's already back to being badass! (it isn't unrealistic because she chakra-chained the strongest tailed beast after having it extracted from her, childbirth_ and _kidnapping.) What did you think of this chapter?_

 ** _Edited 4/03/2017_**


	16. Cradling Cats

_**'You can teach a cat to do anything it wants to do.'**_

* * *

Deep in the bowels of Konoha's sewage system, where the rats were as at home as the ROOT agents scurrying through the passageways, Shimura Danzou stared at the wall with his one normal eye.

There were more creases on his face than ever before, and a large blister the size of an egg marred his age-spotted face. His gnarled hands clung tightly to his bracing stick and, with a barely perceptible sigh, he creaked and stood up, graceful as ever.

"So it has come to this," he muttered to the air, his eyes landing on the scroll on his table. "Orochimaru has been discovered."

Danzou didn't know how to go about fixing this mess—his agents were stretched thin trying to deal with the influx of missions that the shinobi population couldn't handle, and with preventing news of Konoha's weakened state from reaching her enemies, and with killing the most infirm so that the hospital wouldn't be too clogged for the ones who needed medical assistance and were still useful to society.

He let out another sigh.

The agent behind him stood as still as a statue, every bit the ideal agent, every bit a non-human. ( _and the screams wouldn't stop and the blood was in his_ _ **eyes and he couldn't**_ **see—** )

"Shin," Danzou summoned, and the agent obeyed. "Why was I not informed of this sooner? It's been eight days since the incident."

Shin didn't move, but tilted his head in acknowledgement of the question. "The agent in charge of bringing you the information is KIA, Danzou-sama. I was dispatched in their stead."

Danzou's natural scowl deepened. "Oh? Po was compromised?"

Shin shook his head. "No, Danzou-sama, he was killed."

Danzou didn't like this turn of events.

The matter of uncovering the person who had killed his agent—it was deliberate, so he wouldn't get more information that the Yondaime ostensibly deemed not-worth-mentioning to his Elder Council; it was as obvious as he was still alive—was imperative, but so too was securing the release of Orochimaru, who was in charge of several projects that were integral to the advancement of Konoha's warfare capabilities. In addition, the Yondaime needed to be dealt with.

The Yellow Flash had already dealt with the five assassination attempts that Danzou had orchestrated, and the damnedest thing was, he managed to foil some _by accident_. Danzou was not amused.

There was a _limit_ to luck's favour, surely!

The young shinobi was messing with the status quo, was messing with his plans. Already he'd made ties with smaller villages that Danzou thought were best kept in fear of them, and he'd severed ties with those he'd deemed too volatile but that Danzou had made trade agreements with in exchange for human trafficking in Hi no Kuni. The Daimyo was involved with some of those transactions as well, and the _upstart_ had messed with his plans, and he would endanger Konoha if he kept this up.

Danzou didn't know how he would do it, but he needed to teach that man a lesson.

But, first things first.

"Shin, send for three agents—I have a track and exterminate mission in mind."

The agent nodded and departed with an imperceptible flicker, none of his demons left behind or quietened. _(where do monsters go when they have no home to go back to because they destroyed it and I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to feel guilt and_ _ **Praise Danzou-sama!**_ _will the thrumming_ _stop if I jump and don't catch myself?)_

Danzou had to find the person who was killing his agents—Po wasn't the first. He also had to secure Orochimaru's release.

That, of course, would be a simple matter of emotional blackmail.

* * *

I was sitting under one of the trees in the Konoha Academy playground and doing my physics homework—something about projectile motion, which was ridiculous because I'm almost one hundred percent certain, though the details are fuzzy, that I did that when I was seventeen the last time—when I noticed something…odd.

"Emiko-chan," I said carefully, "what are you doing?"

She was standing on the wall parallel to the ground and…

"Watering the flowers Akito-kun!" she said with a salute, tucking her honey-brown hair behind her ear.

Hey, if she wanted to practice her chakra control while doing menial tasks when she should've been doing her homework, who was I to stop her?

"You're putting too much pressure on the left ankle," I said instead, and she immediately corrected her stance.

In fact, who was I not to encourage her?

"You know," she mused. "You'd make a great sensei."

I smiled, wondering whether that was even a possibility.

"You wouldn't," I informed her.

She gave me a deadpanned look. "Well, duh! I hate kids!"

I don't know how we're friends.

She went back to watering her plants and I finished my homework just in time for our next lesson. (I need to sort out this procrastination gimmick I've got going on…) We went back in, mindful of the fact that the boys might be dead, and, to our pleasant surprise, they were only mildly catatonic.

"Shisui-chan," I said to the inanimate body slumped across three chairs, muttering to itself at twitching intervals, "budge over. You're in my seat."

He jerked up and flinched away from me, much to Emiko-chan's amusement, and I giggled too.

"So, did you have fun?" she asked, coquettishly placing a hand on his thighs—something inside me wanted to shove her away, but this was also too entertaining, so I didn't—and Shisui-chan flinched so hard he fell out of his chair onto my lap.

His squeal of terror was legendary.

This is what happens to eight year old boys when they're told the female species are fuckable.

In politer terms, of course.

Poor Shisui-chan.

* * *

Monsters aren't allowed to feel guilt.

Kakashi had to keep reminding himself of the fact, though it left a bitter taste in his mouth and a soul-consuming emptiness in his heart.

He wrenched out his standard-issue tantō from the still-warm corpse and, silent as a wraith, moved to his next victim.

"Please," the woman whispered, her haunted eyes dim from the drugs he'd fed them. "Please don't…"

Kakashi – no, Wolf – did not listen to her pleas.

Monsters don't have a conscience, after all.

* * *

Shisui-chan has been acting weird.

Not in any noticeable way, not to anyone else – not even Itachi-touto seems to see it. Sometimes I think I'm going slightly insane, but I know it's there.

I don't know how to describe it. He seems more…withdrawn, but closer at the same time? Like, he's put a line in the imaginary sand and has decided to toe said line until he himself tells himself to stop.

It makes absolutely no sense, because since when has a line been _needed_ before?

…maybe it's puberty?

"Aki-senpai," he whispered, bringing me back to the classroom. "He's doing it again."

"Let him," I whispered back, taking stock of the notes on the board and realising that Bunko-sensei was still going over standard deviation and parabolic functions. Seeing as I'd covered this in my old world already, I can safely zone out again. "He's just validating my cuteness."

Shisui-chan's cheeks coloured at this – still as shy about even the slightest amount of flirting as ever. Can't wait till he hits puberty and knows how bad it _really_ gets. Two words: penis jokes—and he mumbled something along the lines of, 'this is why I worry…no sense of self-preservation…'

So adorable.

"He's up to something," Shisui-chan whispered, and I'd heard this so many times it was starting to sound like a conspiracy theory.

I didn't have to glance behind me to know that Tsumiki Kido's pale pink eyes were glaring at me through his blueberry hair, seeing as that's _exactly_ what he's been doing since he got to the Academy.

"Whatever he's up to, he hasn't done anything yet." I wonder if I can make blueberry cupcakes…oh wait, I need a stove first, and for that I need a house, and for that it needs to be more than a pile of rubble.

I make myself sad.

Shisui-chan threw me an exasperated look while still managing to make notes and absorbing what sensei was saying. Multi-tasking for the win.

"Guilty until proven innocent."

I stuck my tongue out at him. He'd decided that the _normal_ phrase, innocent until proven guilty, which was basically my motto if I think about it, was a suicidal notion, and so had changed it to suit his agenda.

And now that's his favourite phrase.

…I sometimes feel like I've ruined him, you know?

"I'm thinking of making blueberry cupcakes when I get my house back," I informed him, just as the bell rang.

"Kupukake?" he asked, completing butchering the word with a confused tilt of his head.

He couldn't seem to understand why I couldn't stop giggling at him.

* * *

Obito was festering, and he knew it. Rin was too busy not having a moment to herself to notice, of course.

While the workload at the hospital had become more bearable as the weeks dragged on from the Boiling Rain, that didn't mean Rin's job had gotten any easier, what with the influx of mandatory medic-nin trainees and paperwork to sort out and dealing with the administrative side of building a new hospital in the Eastern District, all at the same time.

And Obito understood that it was hard, and the work she had wouldn't evaporate just because he wasn't getting enough attention.

He got it, really.

But that meant that, ever since Kakashi joined ANBU and didn't spend all his time with Obito anymore, he was going stir-crazy, and every day of deep contemplation and morbidity made him just that little bit more unhinged.

He was lonely.

He didn't _want_ sympathy of course, but that didn't mean he didn't crave it anyway. It'd been like one bad thing after the other with them, and Obito just wanted his problem to be centre stage for once, and not be buried under an avalanche of other people's issues and blisters and burns and prejudices and assassinations and mournings.

Was that too much to ask for? His _world_ had shifted, and he didn't know whether he was falling off a cliff or wading ankle-deep in poison; he would _never be whole again and it made him want to die—_

Was that not a thing anymore?

Did that not exist for anyone outside himself?

Was he that forgettab—

Obito smashed his hand against the table and groaned, dispelling the last thought with the only thing that worked—physical pain.

His thoughts took the darkest turns when he was alone.

 _Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Four hours till Rin came home.

* * *

The bell rang and it was like a volcano had erupted, and every seven-eight year old rose up like the tide from the chairs and swarmed to the exits, more than ready for their lunch break.

Donning our scarves and gloves and woolly hats, Emiko-chan bouncing towards us and, with Itachi-touto at the rear, we headed to the playground, where all the Academy students were mingling and yelling and screaming and hollering – and staying away from the crowd because someone they knew and loved had died in the hospital, having either never recovered from their injuries or been put-down because they'd be in too much pain to live happily anyway, even if they _did_ survive.

"What are we doing today?" Itachi-touto asked mildly, taking out a hastily thrown together bento. I did the same, sinking onto the grassy floor near the tree, the cold seeping into my body.

I breathed in deeply and breathed out heavily, enjoying the puffs of visible air swirling in front of me, the frosty wind in my lungs and the biting cold in my fingers.

I loved winter.

I'd been a winter's child back in the day, though now I'm a spring baby. Little things that make a big difference if you sit there and scrutinise it long enough.

I tugged the scarf closer around my neck, thanking Hoso-baa-san for the knitwear (each clan has their own official knitting circle, and I'm really looking forward to joining mine! Let me get to fifty, and Kami-sama, I will knit even in the middle of summer when the wool smells like sweaty barnyard animals and burnt plastic!) and turned to answer Itachi-touto's question.

It'd been three months since Naru-chan's birth, and it can be safely assumed that the village was getting back on its feet.

Construction work was still ongoing, though the Northern and Western districts were at a hundred percent and the centre was up-and-ready for action. The Eastern district had mostly been cleared up, but with the expansion, it was going to take a little while longer, and the Southern district, the Uchiha & co district, which had been the last priority, was nearly done, having been prioritised over the expansion. The elderly and the parents with younger children had been moved in already, and the rubble had all been cleared up.

Yes, yes we work fast. We're shinobi – did you _really_ think we'd take that long?

It also helped that the Winter Break allowed for all of the academy students to properly volunteer in the mornings for two entire weeks. Thank you Hyuuga clan.

Also, grapevine has let loose that the last of the Rookie Nine, Hyuuga Hinata, heiress of the Hyuuga clan, has been born.

I've also been told by six separate Uchiha Grannies to make the currently infantile heiress eat dirt.

Much rivalry, you understand.

Itachi-touto was still at Kushina-ba-chan's house with Sa-chan and Okaa-san, while Otou-san and I were still kipping in our tents along with most of the rest of the clan.

Teyaki-ji-san and Ine-chan were being moved along with three other families today, so we'd probably help them—Teyaki-ji-san's knees were not what they once were.

Speaking of my godfather, I'm meeting Naru-chan's godfather today.

Minato-sama simply told me to brace myself (so many Percy Jackson feels that I can't even), while Kushina-ba-chan, still recovering and not at a hundred percent, told me to castrate him for her if he so much as blinked wrong.

Again, _how_ do you blink wrong?

"I'm going to see Naru-chan afterschool," I said, taking out my onigiri. "Then we have to help Teyaki-ji-san and Ine-chan move to house number four, which is probably going to take all day _and_ night."

"He meant for lunch break, Aki-senpai," Shisui-chan informed me, shoving a shrimp into his mouth.

I hummed in contemplation. In terms of chakra control, there wasn't much I could teach my cohort. With the nearly-healed-but-still-there blisters, taijutsu was out of the question as well…

"Ninjutsu or genjutsu?"

"Leaning towards genjutsu," Shisui-chan said, swallowing. Itachi-touto concurred, adding, "I'll see if Koki-kun can help us today."

Suddenly, Emiko-chan sat up and glared at the tree.

"What do you want, Tsumiki?" she bit out aggressively.

Ah, she'd finally noticed that he was hiding in the tree above us. So we can't ignore him anymore.

Shisui-chan leaned in front of me almost unconsciously, as if to block me from Tsumiki Kido's view. Appreciated, but unnecessary. I just _can't_ take anyone with baby pink eyes and chubby cheeks seriously, no matter how much he thinks his glare is threatening.

The branches shook, and the few dead leaves still on the tree fell around us as he climbed down. Then, he proceeded to glare at me with the force of a thousand dying suns.

Except he looked like a sulking squirrel with a tooth problem, so forgive me for trying to swallow a giggle.

"Anything I can help you with, Tsumiki-san?" I asked mildly, and Shisui-chan inconspicuously hit me on the shin, so clearly I hadn't been able to hide my giggle as well as I thought.

He continued his ineffective glaring for another few minutes, and Emiko-chan growled at him. "Say something, you two-legged minnow-eating pigaramsy!"

Wow…maybe I should stop quoting Shakespeare?

He had zero ideas about what Emiko-chan had just said, but he understood it to be offensive, so his glaring, presumably, intensified. I couldn't tell; the pink eyes were _seriously_ unintimidating.

Then, in a show of chivalry, Itachi-touto attempted to make him go away via interpretive dancing.

…I'm not even joking.

Shisui-chan burst into laughter and I instantly followed, Itachi-touto continued on with a deadpanned face, Emiko-chan looked sort of traumatised, and Tsumiki Kido's glaring wavered.

"Y-You'll get your comeuppance," he finally informed us, though he'd lost his cool completely. "What are you DOING?!"

Itachi-touto did the wavy arm motion with a head-bop, face as stoic as ever.

Shisui-chan was crying, and my stomach felt like it was going to explode.

Emiko-chan looked like she'd lost all respect for humanity, and by now, a crowd of kiddies were gathering.

"I-Is the Uchiha spare _dancing?"_ asked Yūhi Daiki, his sensibilities completely horrified.

Itachi-touto's cheeks were blushing, but still he kept up his…now he was impersonating a flamingo with a side-twitch.

Inuzuka Higaishi started cackling, his newly acquired puppy rolling on the floor with a lolling tongue. Me thinks the poor thing has a few screws loose, but he looks happy, so at least he's got one up on most of humanity.

"Stop IT!" Tsumiki Kido yelled, his voice incongruously scratchy. "Leave me ALONE!"

And through the laughter, I could make out Itachi-touto imperceptibly weaving a genjutsu, and in a minute, Tsumiki Kido started copying his every idiotic dance move.

Shisui-chan looked inordinately pleased.

* * *

"What did you do?"

He looked away with a faux-innocent eye-roll. "What makes you think I did anything?"

I whacked him upside the head, grinning. "I wasn't born yesterday!"

Shisui-chan rubbed his head with a mock-look of hurt. "So cruel, Aki-senpai…"

"Stop changing the subject!" I couldn't stop grinning, and the dancing madness had happened three hours ago.

We were heading to Kushina-ba-chan's apartment, Shisui-chan walking me there and then going to help out at the marketplace like we usually do on Wednesdays ever since the necessity arose when food shortages became a problem after the Boiling Rain.

Such a prosthetic.

He shrugged, trying very hard not to grin and failing miserably. "Itachi-chama works in mysterious ways. But, hypothetically, if I thought he needed to be less serious, and hypothetically, I _taught_ him some…shall we say, _selective truths_ , then, hypothetically—"

"Hypothetically, you corrupted my sensible brother?" I asked pointedly, before breaking out into another round of giggles as we got to the door. Shisui-chan knocked on the door, me being indisposed and all that.

"Hypothetically," he agreed.

Kushina-ba-chan swung the door open and he gave her a bow. She sent him off with a, "Stop being so clingy, brat!" and then yanked me in, wringing her hands in worry.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pulling off my scarf and untangling my plaited hair from said scarf in the process. Long hair problems; gotta love'em.

"Well," she began, then snapped her mouth shut and smiled too brightly as Minato-sama came into the landing. "Minato! Look whose side made it _on time_!"

He winced good-naturedly. "Jiraiya-sensei said he'd be here half an hour ago," he explained for my benefit, "so obviously, he hasn't shown up yet."

"Ah," I nodded sagely. "Happens to the best of us."

"EXACTLY!" yelled someone from behind me. I looked behind me and gave _the tallest man I have ever met_ an unimpressed look.

He sidled in unrepentantly, shutting the door on his way in. "Oi, gaki!" he hollered with a grin at Minato-sama by way of greeting. "Haven't seen you in a while! Been busy, I've heard! Lots of sex! Any booze around? Haven't had a good smash-sesh in _ages!"_

Kushina-ba-chan then proceeded to punt him out of the closed apartment door.

A Jiraiya-shaped hole was all the evidence we had of his ever having been there.

"That was…" Minato-sama tried to look less wilted. "That was Jiraiya-sensei. Um…"

You know, I haven't seen him look this young and unsure of himself since I was a toddler, and that was when he was _seventeen_ , before Obito-kun and Rin-chan had even become Genin, before Kushina-ba-chan and him had even _begun_ dating.

Just for that, I'm going to go ahead and give Jiraiya some props.

" _That_ ," Kushina-ba-chan said dangerously, pointing at the smudge on the wall the white-haired man had become, "is why shinobi have a bad name."

Minato-sama winced, and I started laughing.

Okaa-san, carrying Sa-chan in one hand and tickling him with the other, came to where we were all standing from the living room, giving me a smile over Sa-chan's flailing limbs. "I thought I heard a ruckus."

She stopped tickling him and Sa-chan immediately started making grabbing motions at me. I took him from Okaa-san and kissed his forehead, and he instantly relaxed in my arms, absentmindedly tugging my front bangs.

"Where's Naru-chan?" I asked curiously, watching Jiraiya peel himself off the wall from my periphery. Looks like he's broken a couple of bones…

Minato-sama motioned to the nursery room. "Asleep, thank Kami-sama."

And of course he hasn't woken up, even with the inordinately loud commotion. The boy's a heavier sleeper than Snorlax.

In direct contrast, Sa-chan has a hair-trigger alarm system going.

We all headed to the living room and then Okaa-san excused herself, saying that she had clan stuff to do.

"Don't go crazy," I said, waving her off with a smile.

She gave me a smirk in answer.

What clan stuff, you might ask? Well, you know how the entire Uchiha district kind of went down like the Titanic? Turns out, the Dragon of Autumn statue from the shrine was perfectly intact.

There was a _huge_ argument going on over whether to relocate the shrine, or move the statue until it was rebuilt in the same place, or whether we should build the shrine _without_ moving the statue because it'd be disrespectful otherwise.

It's such a typically Uchiha thing to argue over that I'm glad it happened. Things were starting to get a little _too_ easy.

Jiraiya hobbled over a few minutes after Okaa-san left. Meanwhile, Sa-chan had decided that my hair was unforgivably drool-free and had proceeded to rectify that travesty.

The things I put up with for my brothers…

"That!" he said, dramatically posing, "was uncalled for!"

"Your face is uncalled for!" Kushina-ba-chan yelled back, flinging a kunai at his puffed out chest. He grabbed it and then pretended it had hit him, collapsing in a heap onto Minato-sama's lap, keening in agony.

"I've been wounded!" he yelled. "Tell my fangirls I loved them!"

"Good riddance!" Kushina-ba-chan sneered, kicking him off Minato-sama, who looked about dead from the embarrassment, "you clay-brained knotty-pated tallow-catch!"

I should _really_ stop quoting Shakespeare.

He blinked at her. "That _sounds_ offensive…but it makes _no_ sense…"

Minato-sama chuckled at this, so I suppose Shakespearean insults aren't all _that_ bad.

While Jiraiya blinked in confusion and Minato-sama attempted to use a first aid kit on his bleeding forehead, Kushina-ba-chan dragged me to the kitchen in smug huffiness, and then started wringing her hands again, looking all shifty-eyed.

"Aki-chan, I need your help."

I tilted my head in question and she sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I…I…"

She blushed a bright red and then pointed at the counter, hiding her face with her hands.

I looked over and saw…

"You haven't cooked _anything?"_ I whispered in surprise, gently unplucking my hair from Sa-chan's grip.

She'd prepped an entire _feast_ , but it was _all uncooked._

"This is so _stupid!"_ she hissed, and then glared balefully at the oven. "I can't even go _near_ it without freezin' up dattebane!"

"Why?" I asked, confused. It looked like an ordinary oven to me…

She waved me off, saying, "Miko-chan's already worried about me enough without me being _stupid_. And she cooks _everything_ , and she cleans _everything_ , and she's takin' care of _both_ the babies, and I don't even _help_. I can't make 'er do this _too!"_

Her foreign accent's coming out the longer she speaks. This must really be stressing her out…I mean, I've heard that she's having difficulty being left alone with the babies, because she's worried she might relapse (a fair enough concern), so someone has to stay with her to give her that peace of mind (which makes it really lucky that Okaa-san lives here fulltime, because Minato-sama is sort of, kind of, you know, _the Hokage_ ), but I didn't know using the oven was a problem…

This thing's seriously messed her up…

"Hey, I've got this," I said with a thumbs up and a smile. "Just have to put it in the oven, right? You've already done the prep work and put it in the dishes and everything. I'll pop it in and we can have tea till it gets ready."

I think that's _the_ most British thing I've ever said…

She gave me a glomp and ruffled my hair, messing up my drool-drenched hairdo.

Lovely.

Instead of a traitorous sycophant, Sa-chan should consider becoming a hairdresser.

I put Sa-chan in the highchair in the corner of the kitchen and popped in the fish cutlets and savoury vegetables in the oven, along with the mushroom-rice-cream-green-onion bake with snow crab and leeks that holds the dubious honour of being an Uzushiogakure delicacy.

Or so Kushina-ba-chan told me as I put it in.

I picked Sa-chan up and we went back in, and as soon as I made it past the threshold, Jiraiya flung a kunai at me so fast, it was sheer reflex that made me dodge it.

I didn't even _see_ it.

Sa-chan started crying, and I decided, you know what?

No.

I dislodged the kunai from where it'd wedged in the wall, and then I smiled unnaturally at Jiraiya of the Densetsu no Sannin.

I don't care what his reasons were. (I'm sure there were many, mostly because he wanted to make sure I could be trusted with his godson and etcetera, because they were the only family he had, and etcetera. Completely valid reasons, and I wouldn't have minded if Sa-chan hadn't been in my arms at the time. But that's moot.)

I started giggling, and then, in an airy, girly voice that was _completely unnatural_ on me, I began singing "If you're happy and you know it", twirling the kunai around my pointer finger and purposely let the sharp edge cut into it, and the blood started dripping onto the floor.

"Uh…" he started backing away slowly, and I didn't stop maintaining steadfast eye contact the entire time, making my smile wider and more unnatural the closer I went to him. I even started channelling some killer intent, and, lucky for me, this was one of Sa-chan's lullabies, so he stopped sniffling.

And then it was dead quiet, with the only sound being me singing a happy nursery rhyme with the tune of a funeral march.

" _If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands~"_

By the time I got to him at my snail's pace, he looked sufficiently assured that I had mental problems.

"— _and you really want to show it~"_

Holding a baby the entire time was a bonus on the scare factor.

I got so close to his face, I could smell the tang of blood and mud on him, and then I stopped smiling, and started glaring at him instead.

There's something about being an authoritarian older sister that gives you an unnaturally effective glare, I've found. I scare myself when I do it in the mirror.

"Jiraiya- _sama_ ," I whispered sweetly. "I'm an academy student. With a _baby_ in my arms. You had _no guarantee_ that I'd dodge that. _Are you happy? I don't see you clapping your hands~!"_

He couldn't stop staring at me in morbid fascination.

Kushina-ba-chan started cackling madly, Minato-sama released his bated breath, and Jiraiya didn't relax for the entire meet-and-greet session.

"Jiraiya-sensei," Minato-sama said with strange pride, "this is Uchiha Akito, Naruto-chan's godmother."

He gulped in response. "You _would_ find the crazy ones…"

On the bright side, Kushina-ba-chan doesn't look two chastisements away from a mental breakdown.

Silver linings people, silver linings.

* * *

I haven't seen Ine-chan in…wow…nearly nine weeks!

Shisui-chan threw a pebble at my head to distract me, and then with a look, he non-verbally informed me that I was being silly for worrying about being a terrible goddaughter, because I didn't need any self-esteem issues for no reason.

Given that he's never steered me wrong (barring that one time we took a "shortcut" to the Naka River at sunset and ended up at the Memorial Stone, halfway across the village and had to contend with the oddly persistent pigeons trying to peck our eyeballs out), I'm going to go ahead and listen to him.

"You call this _helping?"_ Teyaki-ji-san said from behind the stack of boxes we were hauling into the newly rebuilt houses.

"Sir, no, sir!" I saluted, dumping Ine-chan in Emiko-chan's disgusted face, and grabbed a box full of glass cups that the Uchiha had had stored away in the "secret Uchiha storage".

Where is that, you ask?

I'm supposing I'll find out soon, probably when we have to magically refill _our_ house with stuff.

I mean, everything we'd owned, up to and including my never-used custom-made naginata (much sorrow for that one), had been destroyed in the Chakra Ball debacle.

We didn't even have our own beds. Or clothes. Or dishes or toys or precious mementos and memorabilia or my teething toys or our story books or my chakra stone or Itachi-touto's chakra stone or the recipe book Uruchi-ba-chan had, bit by bit, written up for me before she died or the first ever drawing Itachi-touto had made of me when he was three or—

This is making me really sad.

This is making me incredibly sad.

I can't even…I mean, I'd moved from country to country back in my old world, but it'd always been willingly, and with all my things (or, at least, the things I wouldn't want to part with), but to leave _everything_ behind?

To be forced to leave everything behind?

To know that every single piece of yourself that you'd piled up in your closet, or under your bed, or on the walls of your home that _sang_ with who you were, who you are, and who you were meant to be, all of that, was just _gone?_

One bomb, one Chakra Ball, one gunshot.

You know, in a lot of ways, I'm more grown up than I ever think I wanted to be.

And I'm not entirely sure I like it.

Ignorance is bliss.

But…but Big Brother said that Ignorance is Strength.

Context is all.

"Why do _I_ have to carry the smelly baby?" Emiko-chan whined.

* * *

I dumped the last box on Shisui-chan's toe, and he screamed internally, trying to make sure he didn't make a sound, because Ine-chan really did have a pair of lungs on her, and she'd only just gone to sleep.

I gave him a satisfied smirk.

He shot me a wounded look, collapsing on the floor in dramatic agony.

Itachi-touto covered his mouth to ensure the building-up laughter didn't escape.

Emiko-chan still looked mutinous over the fact that I'd given her a _baby_.

Koki-chan, bless his little cotton socks, was still struggling to breathe after helping us lug mattresses for over fifteen people all the way from the western evacuation shelters to the Southern district's rebuilt homes.

Yes, limbs mucho tired.

But hey, at least most of the oldies finally have proper roofs over their heads!

The winter was not easy on _any_ of us, but it was worse for them.

Luckily, it's still January.

"Wherefore art thou Romeo?" Shisui-chan quoted dramatically, complete with hand on heart and outstretched limbs.

Okay, so _maybe_ I was on a Shakespeare spree this month.

I can't _help_ it! I got nostalgic, okay?!

"Wrong balcony, Juliet," I informed him prissily, sitting on his stomach and thwacking his face with the end of my plait.

"Fair cruelty," he wheezed, before flumping into a proper seat and just going with it.

Itachi-touto helped Koki-chan into the room, and Emiko-chan rolled her eyes at the two of us. "Honestly, don't know _why_ I'm the only one seeing it," she muttered.

I'm too tired to ask.

"Finished setting up the storefront," Teyaki-ji-san said, coming into the backroom we'd all decided to take a break in. He sat on the tatami floor as well, letting out a sigh as his back cricked into alignment. "Uchiha Senbei should be up and running in under a week."

I gave him a tired thumbs up. "Let's eat first, and then we'll get started on fixing up the bedroom and nursery."

Shisui-chan groaned, Koki-chan lost all blood circulation to his brain and collapsed into Itachi-touto, Emiko-chan begged for amnesty, and I just wanted to get this over with so that my godfather and his daughter had someplace to sleep that _wasn't_ the floor, because Teyaki-ji-san isn't going to do _anything_ until the shop's open, and when it is, he isn't going to do anything but run it and take care of Ine-chan.

That's _exactly_ what happened after Uruchi-ba-chan died, and that's exactly what he did when she was still alive, minus the Ine-chan part.

I'm not trusting this adult to unpack his own house, _that's_ for sure.

"I'll see about getting something to eat," Teyaki-ji-san said, getting up. "You kids look dead on your feet."

"Might as well get it all done and then we can eat without any worries," Emiko-chan reasoned.

I got up and Shisui-chan followed reluctantly. "Dibs on the nursery!" he exclaimed, running to the smallest room in the already-small house (the same size as Teyaki-ji-san's old house) with the box full of baby-smelling stuff.

"Let's get to the bedroom then," I said, rousing Koki-chan and Itachi-touto.

Emiko-chan grumblingly went to help with the nursery, muttering about smelly babies and carrying Ine-chan with a still-disgusted look.

I was sweeping out the sawdust as Itachi-touto got to polishing the floor as I cleaned it, and Koki-chan sat propped against the wall so that he wouldn't slump over and fall.

It was repetitive, and rewarding, and we brought the mattress in, and Koki-chan clumsily spread the sheets before falling onto them, and I was smoothing it and fluffing the pillow when I blinked.

Only, I blinked you see, and I forgot to _un_ blink.

Itachi-touto must've forgotten too, because the three of us fell asleep on Teyaki-ji-san's newly made bed.

Shisui-chan took photos, and I'd find them later, _much_ later, and they would make me cry.

* * *

The machine beeped in time with his heartbeat, and with every heartbeat, his brain functioned just that little bit faster, and with every spark in his neurones, he woke up that little bit more.

He managed to blink.

He was in a strange place. It was well-lit and not-scary, and there was no unexplainable pain in odd places, as far as he could feel.

There were tubes in his nose that were helping him breathe, and all his limbs were intact, and there was no jelly on his face, or steel bracelets on his wrists, or chains on his legs, or muzzle on his jaw.

He flexed his muscles one by one, and to his dampened surprise, they were all present and accounted for.

 _Where am I?_

And then, a little bit later, the thought trickled into his mind. _Who am I?_

It echoed in his head, echoed and echoed and echoed, and the tears started streaking down his face, and he doesn't know how to stop them.

 _(There's a gaping hole where his Self used to be, and he can't find it anymore.)_

* * *

"He wouldn't," he said, staring at his only surviving student.

Jiraiya, even after going over the evidence, peaking into the only survivor of his old teammate's experimentation (the boy was so _young)_ , even after having a one-sided shouting match with the one person in the whole world he could read perfectly and who loved him unconditionally, couldn't believe _this_.

Minato looked at him with the eyes of an old leader and smiled at him gently. ( _Why so sad? Where's the little kid with the too big brain and too small fists? Where's the chibi stuttering mess that choked on his noodles when he saw a condom? Where's my Minato?)_

Jiraiya still stared at the reports, continued staring at them for a long time, even when they were put away and he'd gone to bed, and months later, when the world still spun and mountains crumbled and people died and changed and _lived_.

He would still stare at them.

Because there are some things that he will never understand, and betrayal is one of them.

 _A kunai whizzed by his face and nearly took his eye out. Tsunade was way ahead of him, pumping chakra into her legs and zipping past, carrying the scroll through the trees as far away from their pursuers as possible._

 _They were nine and the world was big, but their dreams were bigger._

" _Jiraiya!" screamed Orochimaru, and the usually-stoic boy's eyes widened in fear and pain as a tonfa came slashing down, and Jiraiya didn't dodge it._

 _He bit his tongue to keep from screaming. Tsunade couldn't turn around, or their mission was a failure. Already, she'd stumbled, and they were gaining._

 _Orochimaru spun around and, in a show of the most reckless thing in the history of shinobi, he slammed his young, barely-heavy body into the enemy, and Jiraiya's blood dripped onto the mud as his vision went blurry._

 _But all he could see was the teammate who'd called him stupid and useless and reckless, doing all the stupid and useless and reckless things in the book so that Jiraiya wouldn't be left behind to die._

 _Because Orochimaru could've gone ahead, and never looked back, and Jiraiya knew the thought of abandoning him hadn't even crossed his teammate's mind._

 _No, his_ friend.

 _They were nine and the world was big, but_ they _were bigger._

Because when you grow up with them, when you bleed for them and scream for them and murder for them and cry for them and lie for them and would _die_ for them, and you _knew_ they do the same for you, the kind of betrayal where you realise you don't know them anymore _hurts_.

Jiraiya had thick skin, but there was no skin in the _world_ thick enough to deal with this.

"He wouldn't," Jiraiya mumbled. "He wouldn't."

 _He wouldn't, but he_ _ **did**_ _._

And Jiraiya never quite recovered, not really.

* * *

Sasuke didn't understand this curious phenomenon.

He did it again.

It still had the same effect.

How very bizarre…

He breathed out from his tiny mouth, and then there was a bubble, and then he breathed harder and—there!

It did it again!

It popped!

He nudged the light-haired one, excited to share his new discovery with the littler baby, and in his excitement, he smashed his fist against the baby's face, and the baby gave him a very unimpressed squawk.

Sasuke blew a bubble at him, delighted as it went pop.

The littler baby rolled away from him and firmly shut his eyes.

That just wouldn't do!

Sasuke rolled over to the baby blew a bubble _right_ on his nose.

Littler baby rolled further away.

Sasuke followed.

Meanwhile, Itachi wondered why on earth his charges were rolling all over the floor, drooling and squawking.

Sasuke giggled.

Naruto just wanted to _sleep damnit!_

* * *

In hindsight, this is completely Shisui-chan's fault.

The February chills were fading away as we came upon spring.

And with spring came a completely rebuilt Uchiha district, no beds, lots of aching muscles, and whacked out dreams.

Also, Shisui-chan thought it'd be funny to get a head start on kenjutsu and has already found an instructor for wielding his glorified kitchen knives appropriately. (He informs me that I _bought_ him the weapons, and I should at least call them by their actual names, and that it's not _his_ fault he turned eight in December and could start training, _or_ that I turn eight only in April. I told him to stuff it and stomped away huffily. Many sweet dumplings were sacrificed to my mood, and much pocket change was wasted on appeasing me.)

(I regret nothing, but his wallet _definitely_ does.)

"Oh, honestly! If you're going to sulk _this_ much, just get Nekobaa to sell you a customised naginata!" Okaa-san sighed exasperatedly as she oiled my hair and combed it in the empty sitting room. We didn't even have cushions to sit on…

"Nekobaa?" I asked.

And that's how I got saddled with retrieving half the clan's personal scrolls, three-quarters of the Uchiha weapons-hold, and buying eight different bedsheets and duvet covers from the cat lady who lives in an abandoned city, and the one who Team 7 retrieved a cat paw print for in canon.

Because they took pity on me, Itachi-touto was sent as back-up, and Shisui-chan was politely told to eff off because this was a 'clan head family' thing.

I'm calling bullshit on that one because Noeki-baa-san's personal effects are on the retrieval list, and she's _definitely_ not 'clan head family'. She's three times removed _from_ the three times removed!

We had to get special permission from the Missions Desk, and when we got there, _Kami-sama,_ subtlety is _not_ their forte.

Every Chuunin stared at me as I walked past (the Ten Minute Riot seems like a _lifetime_ ago, but it wasn't really. It's been less than six months…wow, time sure does fly by, huh?) and then they started whispering as I walked past, and then they looked at my dog-tooth choker-necklace and started whispering some more.

So I smiled and, hand-in-hand, Itachi-touto and I got our special Uchiha-paper stamped so we could go to the clan-affiliated supply shop (though it's a secret, so the paper doesn't _actually_ say that that's where we're going), and we walked back out under the mass-Chuunin scrutiny with straight backs and perfect(ly messy) hair.

"I don't like crowds," Itachi-touto informed me as we walked to the Konoha gates.

I squeezed his hand. "That's the thing about the world, Otouto. There're _other_ people in it."

He gave me an unimpressed look.

That's good! My teach-my-naïve-little-brother-to-recognise-sarcastic-quips-so-that-he-isn't-verbally-eviscerated training is working!

Insert pat on the back here.

"Have fun, Akito-hime!" called Yellow Eyes #6, who'd burped me during a particularly pernickety period in my infanthood. Apparently, seven years had seen him go from genin-hopeful to gate-guard-supreme.

The wonders of time.

I waved back as Itachi-touto and I, armed with a vaguely explained map and a just-recently-stopped-warring nation's goodwill, made our way across the woody plain.

It was...different, being outside Konoha. I hadn't even realised I hadn't been outside it until now, and I'm nearly _eight_.

That's eight years' worth of isolation from the rest of the world, in a sense.

It was peaceful out here. The sun was still out and playing peekaboo with the clouds, and they marched along across the sky in their fluffy-white smugness. Lances of glittering yellow light dappled the forest floor as we hummed our way along the only-there-because-we'd-been-told-it-was-there path, catching the sun in our hair and brushing the deep green leaves with our skin.

Itachi-touto looked so in his element, gently threading his way through the trees and shrubs and little bugs as they crawled up the nubile green stalks of springing vegetation.

Spring made the forest _alive_.

I'd never been in a forest before, and now I _belonged_ to one.

I couldn't stop smiling, even when we took a wrong turn and made it into a bear's den.

There were three sleepy little bear cubs, all fluffy and brown and cute, and I had the ridiculous urge to steal one as a teddy bear.

"…where's the mother?" asked Itachi-touto, ever the sensible one.

"Aw~! Aren't you the cutest things ever!" I squealed in as soothing a tone as I possibly could, kneeling onto the cave floor and figuring that, since I had no idea how to coax bear cubs to come to me, I might as well treat them like puppy-Sa-chan hybrids.

"Aneki," Itachi-touto said, sweatdropping. "What are you doing?"

The smallest bear cub with the fluffiest paws and cutest sleepy expression slowly plodded to me, snuffling curiously. I held my hand out to him and it looked confused for a bit, before lifting one of his paws and putting it in my hand.

I held out my other hand, and he put his other forepaw in it, and I gently nudged his nose with mine, giving it an eskimo kiss. I giggled as he bear-purred happily.

"Ane—can I try?" Itachi-touto asked, giving up on talking sense to me.

The other two bear cubs were now curious and came closer to us strange creatures, and then, given that Itachi-touto had reflexively started exuding calm-chakra (just like he does whenever Sa-chan acts fussy), they started head-butting him in playfulness.

He looked so confused, wondering if they were trying to attack him rather unsuccessfully, that I started giggling, and lifted the thirty pound bundle of fluffy fur and purring snuggles to the rest of the brood.

Judging by the fact that the mama isn't around and they haven't left the den, I'm assuming the cubs are around a year old and she's gone out to get them some food.

All three of them started bear-purring as I taught Itachi-touto how to pet them properly, with all the scratching and nuzzling. I don't know whether _I_ was doing it right, but hey, Itachi-touto looked like he needed guidance before he started having fun, so even if I have no idea how to pet a bear, if pretending gives him peace of mind, well…

That's what big sisters are for, right?

"We should go," I said, after the bears had surrounded the two of us and gone to sleep, the smallest one snuggling into my lap.

Itachi-touto nodded, though he was secretly pouting.

I would _never_ have had the gall to do what I'd just done in my old world, not least because I'd never lived in a bear-populated area.

I guess knowing you have the ability to chakra hop away from any and all troubles really gives you a daredevil attitude.

Huh. Suddenly, Naruto in general makes a lot more sense…

We carefully extracted ourselves and, though it was a bit hit-and-miss when the biggest cub felt the loss of his pillow when Itachi-touto eased his leg out from beneath him, we managed to leave the den without the mama bear realising we'd ever been there.

* * *

It took a bit longer than we were told it should to find the abandoned village, but it was only a ten mile distance from the village gates, so it didn't take very long, maybe three hours (it would've been quicker if we hadn't gotten lost, and then had an unfortunate run-in with a black rat snake. I'm sufficiently traumatised, thank you very much.)

It was rundown and frozen in time, as though the streets and caved-in buildings were still waiting for their occupants to come back home. It smelled mossy and mouldy, with a hint of freshly-tilled earth underlying the sad fragrance, and everything looked grey and moss-covered. But there was something…restless about the place, as though this was the place shady deals took place and nefarious secrets were traded.

It looked like an abandoned metropolis. Like…like the remains of an apartment complex…

"What brings you here?" the orange cat purred, its purple hakama neatly ironed.

We gave the ninneko a bow and I smiled, saying, "We're here to see Nekobaa, please."

It disdainfully held a paw out at me, and I put the catnip in it. It quickly snatched it and hid it away, before nodding and, sniffing us one more time to be sure, it led the way.

Winding through the streets, with Itachi-touto subtly sidling closer to me in stoic-nervousness, I noticed far more shopkeepers than the Granny Cat we were going to visit, and all of them were selling non-standard, downright illegal weapons, powders, foods, drugs…

I looked away reflexively as one of them with a glass eye made eye contact with me.

We were taken to one of the buildings and our ninneko escort meowed at the door, before pawing its way in.

There was a squalling baby in there, raising the roof with its cries, and instantly I felt at home.

"Shut the thing up!" yelled an old woman, and someone stumbled on a basket of…apples?

We rounded the corner, and saw an old woman, a basket with a screeching baby, and a nervous short man with light brown hair and worry lines hastily picking up the apples and shoving them into the baby basket with many apologies.

"Oi! You get those apples dirty and I'll twist your ears so hard, they'll rip right off!" yelled the old woman, who was _definitely_ Nekobaa.

She had long grey hair held in place with…black cat ears…and she had a kitty nose? An orange dress and purple scarf, squinty eyes and put-upon scowl completed the vision of crotchety oldness. The man and baby, on the other hand, looked downright boring in comparison, with red shirts and black pants, normal brown hair and light brown eyes.

Although the man had a kitty nose too, so maybe they were related?

"Sorry ma, I'll get right to it ma, Tamaki, stop cryin', why's it always gots to happenin' to me, whats I eve' do, oh my head, don' rip my ear out ma," he kept muttering under his breath, picking up the baby and jostling her up and down, making her cry more.

"She's probably hungry," Itachi-touto said, unable to see the travesty that was not-sibling parenting.

"We gave it milk an hour ago," Nekobaa informed him irritably.

"How old is she?" I asked, reaching out and gently taking the baby from the presumable father's arms.

"Two months, and I'm dyin'," he informed me with tears running down his face. "Why'd Mimi leave me?"

"Cause you're a snivelling mess, that's why!" Nekobaa informed him dutifully, telling him to scram while she dealt with the customers.

"She might be colicky," I surmised after checking her nappy and trying to burp her.

"She's what?" asked Nekobaa, grabbing the list of supplies from Itachi-touto's hands.

"Colicky, so when she gets like this, you do this," I said, sitting down cross-legged and laying her down on her tummy, rubbing her back slowly and muttering soothing words with very little meaning and, bit by bit, she stopped crying as the pain became bearable again.

Nekobaa was so grateful, we got a lifetime discount.

Heh.

"So," she said, after her grunty thanks and hollering for 'Neroku' to take notes on childcare. "You're here for this stuff? Just the two of you?"

She waved the list in her hands, about as incredulous as I was when I first saw it. I nodded. "Yup! We might need container scrolls though."

She snorted. "I don't know how you'd take it all without. Oi, Neroku! Stop being a nimrod!"

Seeing as he was staring at his daughter's milk bottle like as if he was contemplating drinking it himself…

Ah, one must love the semi-abusive relationships between mothers and sons.

She told us to follow her deeper inside, and seeing as neither one of us felt any ill-intentions (see, _this_ is why I need Shisui-chan! He seems to know this kind of ridiculous stuff intuitively!), we did just that.

It was a room filled with bits and bobs, knicks and knacks, and even some tics and tacs.

"Let's see…" muttered Nekobaa. "You'll be needing quite a few container scrolls for all this…we'll start with the scrolls then."

She went up to an alcove and did some quick, seemingly random fiddling and out popped an entire bookshelf from the wall.

Or, well, scrollshelf, I suppose.

"Pick out the ones you need and put'em in this sack." She handed us the list. "I'll go get the personal effects."

Considering the list had more than ninety scrolls on it, it took us nearly half an hour to find all of them.

We couldn't reach the upper shelves without chakra-walking, and when Itachi-touto finally found the well-decorated copy of the revised edition of _Madara's Treatise on Hyuuga Stupidity_ (it's surprisingly witty, not gonna lie), two ninneko came sashaying into the room.

"Well, lookit Denka," the white-furred red-hakama wearing cat purred. "We've got a fledgeling. Is this your first one?"

I shared a look with Itachi-touto, wondering who it was talking to.

"Hina, she's not a cat. She doesn't _know_ yet," said the cat who'd escorted us here, swishing its tail.

"Me?" I asked, brain unable to compute this. "What do you mean?"

Hina purred and licked its paw. Denka sighed. "Your cattiness isn't too strong. I'm going to say this is your second cycle, and probably your last."

"But she could have a _third_ one," Hina said. "If given enough time."

Second cycle?

SECOND CYCLE?!

"What are you talking about?" I asked hurriedly, almost feverishly, and I surprised Itachi-touto enough with my uncharacteristic psychoticness that his concentration broke and he landed in a heap onto the floor.

Denka hissed. "See, _this_ is why we say we don't know. But now you've gone and made it _obvious."_

Hina looked unrepentant. "But they never make it past four," Hina purred. "And she's _twice_ that already."

"Exactly, which is why she's _definitely_ not having a third one," Denka said, ignoring me completely.

Are they…are they talking about the fact that I have memories of a past life?

"Are you saying there are more people like me?" I asked incredulously, and a tad bit giddy with excitement.

Denka threw Hina some shade, and then said, "No, of course not. Like Hina said, they don't make it past four years. Terribly unlucky, that number. You're the first one since the Warring World Era."

And now I feel sad again.

Wait, _pre-Kaguya era?!_ I'm the first successfully-made-it-to-eight-years-old reincarnation in more than _nine hundred years?!_

I might have slumped to the ground. Hina seemed to take pity on me, and said, "Don't worry, I'm sure The Tiger will give you a third one."

"I-I don't want a third one," I said, finally finding my voice. "I'm…I'm _happy_ with this one, but I don't want another one."

Hina looked unconvinced, and Denka looked outraged. "Silly humans! When The Tiger gives you gifts, you don't throw them in The Tiger's face!"

"Ignore him," Hina informed me. "He's on his fifth cycle, and he's getting a bit afraid of the end. It's always the fifth cycle that gets to us."

"Let me guess," I said, questioning my sanity. "Cats have nine cycles?"

Hina purred in agreement. "And lucky you, the Tiger of Autumn rewarded you for your kindness to cats. Doesn't do it to everyone either, so you must've scratched ears really good. But only two cycles. Denka has a good eye for this sort of thing."

Kindness…to cats? I…I was given another shot at life because I was nice to _cats?_ Also, why did I survive past four when no one else did?

"Why did I make it past four?" I asked, much to Denka's chagrin.

"Because the Tiger of Autumn," he said, as though that cleared everything up.

"I thought it was the Dragon of Autumn," I said reflexively, mind still reeling.

Denka sniffed, placated by my stupefication. "Dragon, Tiger, same thing."

…okay then.

See, if Shisui-chan hadn't gotten an instructor, this never would've happened.

In my mind-melt, I forgot that Itachi-touto was listening. And that he was a genius. And that he knew how to put two and two together to make an equation with a parabolic graph.

And I wouldn't realise it for a very long time.

* * *

"So you went all the way there, came all the way back, even bartered a discount for all following transactions, and you _still_ didn't get yourself a naginata?" Okaa-san asked incredulously.

Shisui-chan snickered, sweeping the floor.

"Maybe Kushina-chan is right," Okaa-san said. "Maybe you really _can't_ function without Shisui-kun."

This made me blush a really bright red, but I have _no_ idea why.

So I threw my dust cloth at his laughing face.

* * *

Orochimaru had been cleared of all charges.

Kushina still couldn't comprehend that.

Minato'd just come into the house, looking a smidge guiltier than when he'd left, and Miko-chan was at her newly rebuilt house (about time too. It was nearly the Harvest Festival!) getting it ready for human habitation.

Kushina'd finally gotten used to not-flinching whenever Naru-chan reached his pudgy arms out to her, and she'd even managed to not break down into a sobbing mess when she turned on the oven today, so things were looking up.

And then he'd dropped that bombshell on her lap, and all she could strangle out was, "WHY?!"

Okay, maybe more yell than strangle.

"Because he's useful to the village," Minato said. "And locking him up is wasting resources that we could put to better use in the rebuilding of the village."

She raised an eyebrow at his half-hearted reasoning, and he crumbled under the pressure. "I've been stepping on a lot of toes recently, and all those toes are attached to people who have a very efficient method of silencing young upstarts like me. Arguing over the necessity of shinobi and civilian welfare and mental health provisions outweighed my need to let Orochimaru daydream his days away like a canary in a cage."

She raised the other eyebrow. Minato added, "There are other reasons, but Kushina, none of them are going to convince you that it's a good thing."

She folded her hands over her chest threateningly.

"He's under constant supervision," Minato argued feebly. "His research is being monitored, his supplies are solely provided by handpicked ANBU, he's not—Kushina, there's a reason he's the number one researcher in Konoha, and we have no idea how many of the surveilled spies have reported back. We could be attacked at any—"

She intensified her glare.

Minato wilted. "It's part of a bigger plan to ensnare Danzou-sama? It's a political game, and this was one of the better moves. This way, if anything goes wrong, the council will _know_ it was Danzou-sama's doing. I managed to get him to ask me about Orochimaru-sama directly at the last meeting, so…and besides, it'll make him think he can coax me into doing things without my realising, even though I knew exactly what he was doing, so he'll underestimate me even more, and..."

"He killed people," Kushina pointed out, "to gain, what was the word in the report? Oh yeah, _immortality_. Sound like a good idea to let him walk free? Because let me tell you, only geniuses can keep tabs on geniuses, and half your ANBU are dimwits!"

Minato knew this, of course. She could see that he'd thought about this. She hadn't married him because of his _stupidity_.

But _damn_ could he be stupid!

"It's a risk I'll just have to take," he said grimly.

Kushina didn't like this, not one bit. But hey, at least she'd get to say 'I told you so!' when things went to shit.

Such were the privileges of being married to an idiotic genius.

And the consequences?

Kushina spent many an hour thinking about them with dread.

But what could she do?

Minato didn't need someone to tell him he was doing the wrong thing—he already knew that. So she'd just have to make sure he didn't beat himself up into a frenzy and forget to eat his vegetables.

She was back in her element.

And then Naru-chan cried, and everything but sheer panic in the face of oh-Kami-sama-the-baby's- _crying_ fled her mind entirely for later perusal.

* * *

I was in the furniture-less living room, the sliding paper doors letting the spring air in as I cradled Sa-chan, trying to get him to sleep instead of running off into the distant sunset to curiously stuff beetles into his mouth.

The boy was a head case.

It was nearly the end of March, and the two week spring break would begin tomorrow. I was looking forward to a break, but we still hadn't finished 'moving in' yet, so I knew at least a week would be spent doing that, and I'd also be making a run to Nekobaa sometime this week.

For some reason, me making it there once seems to have given my eclectic extended family the ridiculous notion that I was now their errand girl.

Seeing as I _am_ a kid and they're my elders though, I'm just going to have to sacrifice my poor aching limbs to the cause.

Shisui-chan was meditating against the wall as I tried to control my fussing baby brother. He was doing a great impression of a wriggling caterpillar as he tried to escape out into the wild, screeching "Out! Out! Out!"

His vocabulary now consisted of Kaa, Sa-tan, Aniki, Ane, Tou, Shisi, Out, Yum, Stinky, Hug and Naru.

We're at a bit of a loss as to what his _first_ word was though. I say it was Aniki, but Okaa-san is one hundred percent certain it was Kaa. Itachi-touto is firmly of the belief that he said Naru first, but we all claim that we heard it first, though none of us are sure when.

Otou-san has refrained from joining the fray.

Self-preservation instincts must have kicked in, because all three of us were on a war path to prove ourselves right.

"No, Sa-chan needs to sleep, and I just gave you a bath after your _last_ romp in the mud!" I said, but reasoning with Sa-chan is like trying to find Kabuto these days: impossible.

Haven't seen him in months now, and I don't know where he is. I can't ask if he's on a mission, because that'd be giving away the fact that I know he's a shinobi, which in the official records, he isn't.

Shisui-chan says he can take care of himself.

We both still check the death list every day, just in case.

"Out!" he demanded, pouting, nearly poking my eye out with his flailing limb.

"Your Aniki was never this difficult," I informed him. "Hold still!"

"Sa-tan out!" he insisted, regardless.

Shisui-chan was still meditating, the prick.

Another thing my youngest brother and I have in common: neither one of us sleep when we're supposed to. His sleep cycle ought to dictate that he feel sleepy by 8 pm, and it worked brilliantly for Itachi-touto.

With Sa-chan, on the other hand, the more he ought to be feeling sleepy, the less likely he was to actually fall asleep.

I relate to that on many levels, but none of those levels accounted for the fact that dealing with it day in and day out is bloody tiring, and the older he gets, the less common sense he seems to have.

And the boy has _no_ common sense. Like, _none_.

See a table edge? Looks like a fun dive.

See a hot pan? Must touch it.

See a poisonous spider? Looks tasty.

The boy's not fit for the outside world!

Or even the inside one!

"If you promise to sit quietly, I'll tell you a story," I finally tried, tired of wrestling with the eight-month-old.

He turned his head rapidly to give me a curious stare. "Hug?"

I wrapped him into a hug, and the titch snuggled in for the long haul, pretending smugly that this is what he wanted all along.

See, telling Sa-chan stories is harder than it was telling Itachi-touto stories, because while he listened, absorbed, and fell asleep peaceably, Sa-chan demanded further explanations with expressive head tilts, clapped and made loud noises, couldn't sit still and seemed to have an innate sense that I'd skipped over some details for expediency's sake.

In addition to that, I'm nearly eight now (three-ish more weeks to go) so I can't just ramble on in English like I used to without garnering a modicum of suspicion, even if it's just Shisui-chan in the room (except from Kushina-ba-chan, who's brilliant).

So, translating all the stories from English to Japanese to kid-friendly is a chore, and I don't do it very often because I'm lazy.

But Sa-chan always gets what he wants, in the end.

I hummed for a bit as he yanked a strand of my hair absentmindedly. I suppose Brother Bear is as good a story as any.

And as always, to set the scene, I wove a minor area genjutsu of the opening scene from memory, and so I began, changing the image with every word.

"This is a story from long ago," my voice taking on a whispery, storytelling tone. "Back when mammoths roamed our lands."

"WAIT!" Shisui-chan said, springing up from his cross-legged state. "Wait for, like, five minutes!"

And then he ran out of the house into the darkening sky.

"Shisi?" Sa-chan asked, tilting his head.

"No, I have no idea either," I replied, but waiting anyway.

Sa-chan pouted.

* * *

"Hey!" Mizuki yelled, running up to Iruka.

Iruka was trying to fling the kunai at the target, getting sloppier the longer he practised. His final attempt for his final exam was in two days, and the pressure was getting to him badly.

"What is it?" Iruka asked, too tired to care if it came out a bit rude.

"Aki-hime's story time, that's what! Word went out a minute ago, so we might still be able to make it if we hurry!" Mizuki yelled.

Immediately, all tiredness was swept aside and replaced with pumping adrenaline.

Every single time there was a story-time circle, Iruka, who lived four districts away from the Uchiha, never heard about it in time to be able to hear much of anything, being too far away. He used to not be bothered by it as much before, though Mizuki used to huff and pout and vow to get there faster every time, but after the Ten Minute Riot…and that one time he'd heard the Rapunzuru story second-hand…

Iruka abandoned his kunai and ran, and together, Mizuki and he finally made it.

* * *

Five minutes later, all the district's children started pouring into the house, Itachi-touto and Koki-chan, who'd been at his house, being carried along by the chattering crowd.

Shisui-chan slid through the crowd last, plopping next to me with a grin. "And this way," he said with a whisper, "we can forgo the playground tomorrow and finally take a nap."

Shisui-chan is awesome. Don't know why I complain about him, honestly.

"What's it called?" asked an excited kid at the front.

"Sit down and we'll get started," I said instead, and after shuffling and a bit of scuffling, everyone was gathered around me (and the doors had to be left open so the kids outside could hear me—and some of them were genin and chuunin too, so they'd perched themselves in precarious positions to increase space) like a mob of eager puppies.

Sa-chan was foremost in his eagerness.

I re-wove my genjutsu, this time extending my range to even the front garden, and began, "This is a story from long ago, when great mammoths still roamed our land. It's the story of three brothers…"

* * *

"That's not fair!" one of the kids yelled, tears streaming down his face. "Why did he kill his kaa-san?"

"Cause she killed his nii-chan," the girl next to him informed him primly.

"But Sitka didn't want that!" yelled another. "Kenai's mean!"

"I like Kenai! I wish he was my nii-chan instead of you!"

And then there was the group at the back singing, _"Tell everybody I'm on my way~"_ which, let me tell you, was stupid-difficult to translate in tune.

Totally worth it though.

Sa-chan was clapping happily, loving the chaos around him, and Itachi-touto, Koki-chan and Shisui-chan were very seriously discussing their favourite brother, and whether it was logically possible for Koda's mother and Sitka to communicate in the afterlife effectively, and if so, what method.

My minions are such nerds.

Yes, that _is_ pride you're hearing.

"More!" Sa-chan chirped.

Oh great, he's learned _another_ word I'm going to dread.

* * *

 **OMAKE  
(for Tamani, who got the ANBU right from the last chapter)  
Prompt: If Akito was reborn as a Nara and not an Uchiha.  
Also, she was German, so really, it might as well just be a completely different SI...**

 _Man muss die Dinge nehmen, wie sie kommen._

 _You have to take things the way they come._

She'd been taking it the way it came for a while now, but _this_ was just too absurd.

"Your move, Yoko-nee," her younger, twice as smart and four times as lazy, brother yawned.

She looked shifty-eyed around the room, ascertaining that no one was there, and then she scattered all the pieces with a straight-face, completely unrepentant as Shikamaru scrunched up his eyebrows in woe.

"Why?" he asked, put out.

She made to answer, but just as she was about to, their…eccentric mother entered the scene.

"What've I told you about messes!" she yelled, waving a ladle threateningly.

Never before had a kitchen implement been so feared.

"Blame tou-san?" she asked.

Nara Yoshino slapped a hand against her forehead, muttering, "Brilliant, just _brilliant_. I've got a bumming genius and a duck-brained lunatic, and neither one of them have enough motivation to fill a teapot!"

Shikamaru toddled away, and she sat there watching her new mother go purple in the face.

Nara Yoko had _no_ idea what was happening, or had been happening for the last five years.

But what she _did_ know was that, no matter which lifetime, no matter whether it was a dream or not, no matter whether she was insane or not, under _no_ circumstances would she be losing a board game to a four year old.

Nope.

Never.

By hook or by crook, Shikamaru would never see the day he'd win a match against his lunatic sister.

* * *

 ** _Edit: I deleted the sentence that said she didn't know Jiraiya was the godfather. Thank you, FosterFarms, for pointing out that I'd said she did three chapters ago. My memory is terrible...:'(_**

 _This…took three months to put out. And I'm ridiculously sorry to all._

 _November saw my youngest sibling's birthday, my birthday, my parents' anniversary and my mock exams, which stretched into December, when my other sibling's birthday took place, along with my dad's birthday and finding out my grandmother had cancer. Also, Oxford interviews took a lot of brain power. And then in January, I had to give up my laptop for repairs for two weeks, and then I found out I'd been rejected by Oxford (so, of course, I was sad and couldn't really write happy stuff without it sounding forced) and also—_

 _This chapter was_ hard! _I didn't know how to set the tone, because the biggest kerfuffle for another…three years? Is over, but there's still stuffsies going on and I had to bring the tone back to what it was, but Orochimaru still had to be wrapped up, and I'd spent too much time not writing that it was hard to get the writing style right and—_

 _I'll shut up now._

 _I've made my excuses, but of course, none of those should be excuses, and I'll hopefully NEVER make you wait this long again!_

 _So what did you think of the cats? And my whacky explanation? And the Sasuke fluff? And Jiraiya? And Kushina's recovery? And, Tamani, I hope I did the omake justice!_


	17. Story Time for Brats

**_'People said to follow your dreams. So I went back to bed.'_**

* * *

 _Before you read this chapter, please note that this isn't like a normal chapter. This is...you could say it's like a collection of omake, except it's more like...going over some stuff from other people's point of views, but not NEW stuff. Like, just to give you a different view on the whole...stuff...so far._

 _Deleted scenes montage?_

 _I'll double update this month, this one being the first one, to make up for the three month gap in updates, which I'm still terribly sorry for..._

 _Some of the prompts for the scenes were - The Never Yielding Queen (Anko and Fugaku), VanillaMilkshake18 (the craziness of the last scene), LadyWilliams, Noveen, LoveStories00, EVA-Saiyajin (Jiraiya scene)._

 _I was going to write more, but it'd already become too long, so..._

 _Oh! The last scene has a ridiculous number of references. Whoever gives me the right number of how many I've got, the next omake can be prompted by them :)_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

Life isn't made of plans that have been modified, edited and pored over for years and years, waiting to come into fruition with contingency plans all set in place in case something unexpected happens.

Our stories aren't carefully manoeuvred so that the happiest outcome is easiest to gain. Following that, our tales aren't a sadistically calculated obstacle course leading to our untimely demises.

No, life isn't made of thought-out moments that we cherish or resent.

Life is made of split seconds that _shift_ the framework of all we've ever known.

This story, though many might disagree, begins in a verdant forest, pulsating with life and death, teetering on the edge of chaos, and fumbling with the door handle of despair. It begins with an explosion, a pulse of sound, screams of anger and rage, outbursts of panic, and steel cold rage.

This story begins with war.

The Third Shinobi War was unlike anything the world had ever seen, with food shortages, munition shortages and soldier shortages. Every able-bodied shinobi, from the most inexperienced to the most elderly had been wrenched from their peaceful lives and hurled into a world of chaos and pain and agony.

The crippled, the mentally unfit, the new recruits, the civilian conscripts, the pregnant…no one was spared, no one was given the luxury of ignoring the greatest war of their time.

The First and Second Shinobi War seemed like rose-tinted fantasies in comparison, to the few who were left to be able to compare it. The First had been fought to establish a power balance, the Second for territorial expansion and establishing dominance. But this one? This one was for a cause that was so drenched in blood that no one knew how to justify its continuation.

Or to justify its end.

In a clearing that looked very much like several skirmish sites all across the Border Forests, where the lancing light through trees made the glistening blood splatters seem more like rubies than wasted life, six shinobi danced with death.

Bright red hair swayed with taijutsu stances primed for a carnage, battling a man twice her size and three times her width—Uzumaki Kushina, the Blood Dancer, yelled harshly as she made contact with the man's gut and flung him to one of the trees, a crack signifying his broken spine on impact.

A bit of a ways away, a medic-nin with brown hair held back with a Konoha hitai-ate trembled against a reedy woman with crystalline eyes as sparks flew from their clashing kunai.

The third battle was the strangest of all, in that there was nothing of the visceral, adrenaline-pumping action occurring at all. Just a cold, beautiful black-haired woman with a pregnant belly giving a wry smirk to her opponent, who seemed frozen in a horrified grimace.

Time will definitely have forgotten what horrors she was showing him, but with a sudden twist, thrust and battle cry, the reedy woman feinted to the left, bypassed the woefully underprepared medic, and lunged at Uchiha Mikoto.

It was a testament to her battle prowess that she maintained her A-ranked genjutsu on the leader of the trio of Iwa-nin, even while deflecting the attacks of someone who was far more agile, far more uncontrolled, and far more desperate than she was.

"Die, Konoha scum!" she cried, finally managing to land a hit on Mikoto's stomach.

Mikoto couldn't breathe, and the blood gushed out as soon as the reedy woman had viciously extracted her kunai.

The man broke out of her genjutsu as her chakra control snapped, working ever so hard to heal itself, to save the baby before it drowned in itself, before it _died_.

Kushina hurried to take on both the man and the woman, savage enough to warrant both their efforts to subdue her.

The medic, his eyes wide and apologetic, rushed to Mikoto's prone form.

Mikoto's head was pounding, her heart was thudding, and the baby was dying.

 _I didn't even pick out a name,_ she thought, in a daze.

"Mikoto-sama!" the medic screamed, slapping her and finally getting her to concentrate.

"Damage?" she hissed, gritting her teeth against the numbing pain.

The medic immediately coated his hands with smooth green chakra and ran it over her stomach. "I…I can save both of you, you and the baby, but you'll be out of commission for a minimum of two weeks."

"Not an option," she spat, eyes taking in Kushina's completely-outnumbered-and-outgunned battle. "Kushina can't win on her own, and you're useless to her."

The medic winced, but conceded. "There's a chance I could heal the baby, but it might kill you, but if it doesn't, you'll be as battle-ready as me. Or I could let the baby die, though the procedure would take a little longer, but you'll be able to fight."

Mikoto had two options: take the risk and maybe the baby would survive, or let it die and _know_ that she would.

A split second decision in the heat of battle, a split second that changed _everything._

In one world, Mikoto chose herself and more chakra.

In this one, Mikoto chose the baby and more time.

So Uchiha Akito was born, where in another world, she wouldn't have made it past five months in the womb.

All it takes is a split second to change the world.

* * *

 **Akito's age: 6 months**

Uchiha Obito was a very inattentive academy student, especially at eight years old. But really, if you wanted a specific reason for why he'd dropped down three ranks and had managed to get 2% on his last written assessment, he'd tell you that it was because he just didn't care.

Obito was clumsy by nature. His balance was always off centre, so, to compensate, he sometimes had to tilt to the side and balance weirdly. The kids in his class laughed at him a lot, and instead of crying or yelling at them, Obito just got demotivated.

It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to be a shinobi. Kami-sama, it was something he wanted more than anything else in the whole wide world. It would be the coolest thing ever!

(And maybe his parents would be proud of him too? Even though they'd barely said two words to him since his fifth birthday…)

(It wasn't _his_ fault he'd been born too late to save their marriage!)

(Was it?)

Point was, Obito wanted to be a shinobi, but motivation to do well was severely lacking. If he got bullied for walking funny every day, what even was the point of going to the academy? He didn't learn much anyway, except for in the taijutsu lessons.

He just wasn't meant for the brainy stuff.

He was sitting in the seiza position on the eating table in front of his grandma, who was giving his report card a really disappointed look. It made Obito feel guilty for not feeling like doing better.

"Well," she said finally, voice just as scratchy as it had been for as long as he can remember. "I won't pretend to know what goes through that pig-headed skull of yours, but I can promise you that this slacking off ain't helping things."

Obito mumbled something incoherent. She sighed, a few wisps of her greying hair coming out of her neat bun, the crinkles around her mouth making her look just a tad too severe to be considered kindly.

"Obito-chan, there's a war going on, and you being stubborn ain't going to make a difference. You're going to graduate, whether you like it or not, and doing bad's only hurting your chances of making it out of this alive." She sighed again when she saw that it made no difference to his brain—he was a kid, at the end of the day, who was sheltered enough that the war hadn't quite touched him the way it did for the adults.

She couldn't even blame him really. His grandpa was just the same. Too stubborn to see he was being stupid for no reason.

Best thing to do was distract him from being a brat long enough that he forgot what he was being a brat for.

Kids were so _stupid_.

She was too old for this.

"Right," she said, changing her tone, prompting Obito to look up. "Seeing as you ain't going to repent, punishment's due."

Obito paled a bit, wondering what creative horrors his grandma was going to come up with. She was crazy like that.

"Seeing as you're acting like a child, maybe a bit of responsibility will sort you out," she said. "And if it doesn't, the nappy-changing ought to be punishment enough."

Obito blanched. "I'm gonna _babysit?!_ Baa-chan, I can't even tie my _own_ shoelaces!"

It was still a sore point actually, but it was a valid argument. Obito was _not_ going to be responsible for killing babies, damnit!

"Now, you take your pick." She seemed to be ignoring Obito's horrified expression. "There's cousin Eki's son, Tojirou-chan's nephew, Kagami-kun's grandson, or Fugaku-sama's daughter."

Obito immediately said the first thing that came to mind. "Ew, not a girl!"

That's exactly who he was charged with babysitting.

* * *

A yellow-eyed boy with a chronic nasal problem and a pale-haired girl were leaving the Uchiha Clan Head's house when Obito showed up.

"You're the replacement?" Yellow-eyes snivelled. "You're fifteen minutes late."

Obito didn't want to talk about the mud puddle he'd careened into on the way here, or that he had to borrow Koji-nii-san's day-old hakama so that he would look presentable traipsing around in the Clan Head's home, or that it made him look like a tent, or that he was having a terrible day in general. So he just sheepishly apologised and cursed his clumsiness.

"Well," the pale-haired girl sniffed, "I suppose that's to be expected of the Uchiha—can't rely on them for anything, really."

Ah, _there_ was the other reason he hated going to the academy. He was just a constant source of disappointment to his clan, even if they never told him so—he wasn't making them look any better; in fact, after he'd accidentally tripped and revealed Nakamura Riku's underwear to the whole class, all he was doing was making them look bad.

"The baby's in her crib," Yellow-eyes informed him. "The baby bag has everything you need, plus instructions. Since you're an Uchiha, they don't think you need a partner."

The pale-haired girl said waspishly, "What do they think we're going to do with it anyway? Seriously, Uchiha are so _paranoid_!"

Obito chose not to comment; he remembered very clearly the horror stories his grandma'd told him about Uchiha babies left alone with non-clan caretakers.

Lots of blood, is what happened.

"Right, thanks!" he said, cursing his squeaky voice. He didn't _need_ to look more unreliable!

The two of them left with a few more instructions and a great deal of condescension, and when their backs were turned, Obito stuck his tongue out at them.

Jerks.

He carefully made his way to the front steps, mindful of the mud sinkhole just _waiting_ for him to fall into, and entered the house.

It was a nice house. Thing was, it looked like every other Uchiha house, so Obito didn't really care all that much. Sure, it was a bit bigger than his place, but hey, only he and his grandma lived there, so having it any bigger was kinda stupid.

He took his shoes off and put them on the shoe rack really carefully, wearing the provided slippers and trudging to the living room, where he'd been told the baby was.

The minute he got there, he realised that the baby was trying to crawl out the window.

 _How_ the baby thought it could manage that was beyond him.

"Oi, are you crazy?!" he screamed, making the baby turn around to look at him curiously.

Just like every other Uchiha baby, she had black hair and pitch-black eyes, but even from here, Obito could see her resemblance to Mikoto-sama.

He'd only ever seen Mikoto-sama once, to his memory, and that was when his grandma'd gotten too sick to attend Hisa-nee-chan's wedding, but he remembered thinking she was too pretty to be a shinobi.

"You're not supposed to be trying to open the window, even if you can't reach," he grumbled at her, picking her up and turning her around, still in her crawling position.

She cooed at him and then gestured insistently to the wall.

Obito didn't know what the protocol was for this.

See, if Obito'd been exposed to babies before, he wouldn't have taken the baby to be in the least bit intelligent.

But Obito hadn't, so he spent a good five minutes pointing at things on the wall and asking her whether she meant, "This one? No, the painting? No? Um, the lampshade?"

Finally, he said, "The mirror?" and she started nodding and clapping like a retarded seal, so Obito figured he'd hit the nail on the head.

So the baby wanted to look into the mirror?

Yep, she was a girl alright.

The bright smile she gave him after that, though, made it seem a lot more worth it than he thought it would.

* * *

 **Akito's age: 10 months**

If you peeked into the Uchiha Clan Head's house, you'd find a baby girl with curling shoulder-length hair and chubby cheeks snuggled between a nine year old boy's legs, both of them looking at the story book he was holding, transfixed.

"Whoa," Obito breathed, flipping onto the next page. "The Senju boy's crazy!"

The baby cooed in agreement, hitting the book's pages with her chubby fists. "Gah!" she pronounced, a crazily wide grin on her face.

Obito laughed, pulling her closer into a hug and ruffling her hair. She squealed in delight, grabbing his fingers and giving them a sloppy kiss.

He'd never have expected it, really he wouldn't have, but nowadays, the highlight of his day was when he got to babysit the little princess of the Uchiha clan.

"Wha' next happenin'?" she squealed, flipping the page herself with surprising dexterity.

Obito chuckled. "Alright, alright! Um, so, that's when the Uchiha cat found him stuck up a tree, and—"

She squawked indignantly as he blew a raspberry into her tummy. "Go'way!" she chirped, giggling.

Obito loved the little princess.

Enough that going to school wasn't so much of a chore anymore, when he knew he was guaranteed to come back to non-judgemental eyes that were _always_ happy to see him.

(He'd always wanted a little sibling, but he'd given up on that after too many wasted birthday wishes.)

(Obito _hated_ being lonely, more than _anything._ )

The baby cooed at him, a curl of hair falling into her wide twinkling eyes. "Sugar!"

Obito carried her over to the kitchen and got out of the jar of sugar, pinching some out and putting it into her small-minnow smiling mouth.

She squeaked in delight, clapping at him, never making him feel that he was inadequate, that he wasn't good enough, that he was disappointing in any way, shape or form.

Obito couldn't stop smiling, from the bottom of his heart.

* * *

 **Akito's age: 15 months**

Now that Obito was in his penultimate year at the academy, his class'd started getting assigned D-ranked missions.

Hokurou-sensei was assigning them the many many _many_ missions that'd been foisted upon him in the mad dash the Chuunin Missions Desk had been in—something about a mission gone awry and _where was the Yellow Flash last? We need him at the Suna border yesterday!_

The war was approaching a climax, and the state of the world was a painful anticipation.

"—need someone assigned for babysitting detail for the Uchiha clan heiress."

No one wanted the babysitting missions. Hokurou-sensei knew he'd have to start pulling rank soon, but to his major surprise, someone _actually_ volunteered, and it was a _boy_.

"I'll do it, Hokurou-sensei!" Uchiha Obito yelled from his seat, perhaps a tad bit too enthusiastically.

Hokurou-sensei supposed it was because it was an Uchiha baby—that clan was ridiculously insular, he wouldn't be surprised if they all had regular incestual orgies behind closed doors.

"Right," he said, throwing the scroll with the details on it at him. "But you're going to need a partner, so hop to it."

Obito already spent nearly every evening with the little princess, but this mission required him to spend time with her in the early mornings and late nights too.

He tried to hide a grin behind his hand, but Maito Gai, who was slated to graduate this year instead of with them, noticed and brought everyone's attention to it. "Obito-san! What are you smiling about?!"

Hokurou-sensei gave him a suspicious look, and several of his fellow classmates gave him weirded out looks too.

" _Shut up, Gai!_ " he hissed.

He spent the rest of the lesson pretending to read the mission details and avoid everyone's eyes.

"Obito-san?" asked a light voice that immediately made Obito blush.

He turned to the voice and got a face-full of Nohara Rin, the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, with her pretty smile and pretty eyes and pretty hair and pretty hands—

"Rin-san!" he said, wondering why she was talking to him. It wasn't like she was one of those that avoided him (there were _quite_ a few of those, actually), but they didn't exactly run in the same circles.

(She had a happily functional friend network, for example, and his was limited to Gai screaming questions at him, his grandma, and a barely one year old baby.)

(That wasn't sad at all. Of course. Ugh.)

"You need a partner for the babysitting mission, right?" she asked, hands folded behind her back as she gave him a light smile. "Do you have someone in mind?"

Obito's mouth shot open before he had time to think his words through, just like they always did in front of Rin. "Nah, I can manage on my own. I've been babysitting Aki-hime practically since she was born."

He could kick himself when he saw Rin deflate slightly. "Oh…that's good, Obito-san."

She turned to leave, when Obito's words burst forth again, without thought. "But it gets pretty lonely with just a baby, so you can…I mean, only if you want to…I can be pretty boring too, so…you know what, forget I said anything, I—"

She cut him off with a breath-taking smile and a light, "I'd love to partner with you for the mission, Obito-san."

Obito blushed all the way home.

* * *

Obito was a bit nervous leading Rin to the Clan Head's house—on the one hand, he'd get to spend more time with Rin, which was _always_ a bonus, but on the other, it'd mean that the one place he never felt judged would become a place he'd have to watch his words, lest he make her think he was a childish prig with no idea what he was doing.

(When home lives and school lives collide, it can end _really_ badly.)

(Or really beautifully, but since when has his luck been _that_ good?)

"You're late," sneered Yellow-eyes. (Obito'd never bothered to learn the names of the people who were mean to him—why waste brain space for the people that didn't matter?)

(In another world, this would mean he had no idea who was and wasn't mean to him, so his hatred for _everyone_ would sky-rocket, because hey, maybe they were _all_ mean to him.)

(But that's not this world, and Madara hadn't tampered with his brain.)

Obito'd stopped trying to correct him, but Rin wasn't used to the sneering, and so replied calmly with, "Actually, Isuka-san, we're on time."

Yellow-eyes sputtered before turning to the pale-haired girl for support. She yawned at him and shoved the milk bottle and house keys in Obito's hands, nearly making him drop the anpan he'd brought for Aki-hime. "The brat's been sulking for around two hours already. Guess the Uchiha start early on their assholery."

When the two of them had left, Rin fumed, saying, "That was very rude of them."

Obito shrugged. "I only see them on Saturdays, so I don't really mind."

He unlocked the door and let Rin go in first, kicking off his shoes (at some point, this house had become his own) and slipping on the slippers that he and Aki-hime had decided to customise with stickmen and stickcats.

(Teyaki-san from the Uchiha Senbei had laughed his head off when he'd caught them at it.)

(Obito loved his clan, seriously. No idea what to expect from them.)

(At some point, the punishment had stopped being a punishment at all.)

They walked into the living room, where the baby was curled into her blankets and, just as the pale-haired girl had said, pouting up a storm, eyebrows scrunched up and fluffy cheeks puffed out.

"Guess who's not sharing sweets with you?" he teased, grinning as her eyes lit up and she started jabbering at him a mile a minute in baby-talk.

For a second, Rin stood at the door, staring at Obito and the baby as he pinched off a bit of the anpan and put into her wet mouth, the baby grabbing his fingers and not letting go in a futile struggle for playful dominance.

"So…" she whispered, and both the baby and Obito look at her with identical shiny eyes and uplifted expressions of expectation. "So cute!"

Obito blushed a bright burgundy shade, and Rin was so focused on squealing internally, that no one noticed the little girl freezing completely as the language finally made sense to her.

* * *

 **Akito's age: 23 months old**

In another world, Obito wouldn't have the confidence to do this.

In another world, Rin would never have even thought to see Obito as anything but a sometimes-annoying-but-still-with-his-heart-in-the-right-place classmate.

But that wasn't this world.

In this world, they'd spent so many late nights and early mornings babysitting together, essentially functioning like a little family unit revolving around Aki-hime's chubby little fingers and gummy smiles and garbled words, spent so many hours blushing as she called them husband-and-wife, Danna-san and Oku-san, and in the middle of the night as they thought back to those moments, spent many days quickly glancing and looking away at each other, the sizzling electricity between them intensifying with every day that passed by…

Well, when he'd told his grandma about Rin, in true Uchiha fashion, she'd told him to 'get on with it already!'

"Rin-chan?" he asked nervously as they walked to Aki-hime's house (it'd stopped being the Clan Head's house to him ages ago), butterflies suicide-jumping off cliffs in his stomach.

With an affected air of calm, Rin said, "Yes, Obito-kun?"

The lines between them had blurred a long time ago, but Obito didn't know where this sizzling electricity, this longing to hold her hands, to touch her, to kiss her, to just be with her all the time, fell in the just-friends-but-never- _just_ -friends thing they had going on.

He mumbled a bit, and she struggled to hear his words, hyperaware of his every move, of the constant, jolting, barely-perceptible brushing of his hands against hers.

"I wonder what we're going to do when Akito-chan no longer needs permanent babysitters," Rin mused, unable to bear the mounting tension.

Obito startled out of his thoughts, before replying, hating and loving that his opportunity had been missed. "You mean, what am _I_ going to do—you're all set with the hospital."

Rin smiled. "I didn't mean with our time, Obito-kun," she said, looking away as a shy blush suffused her cheeks. "I meant…well, it's almost like we're a family, the three of us. I don't even remember what it was like before."

Something in the pit of Obito's stomach glowed with happiness. "Yeah, I know what you mean! But, I'll bet you'll be glad that a two year old can't bully us anymore, huh?"

He laughed a little, and unconsciously, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, they twined hands.

"I don't know what you mean," Rin teased. "I don't let the words of a two year old get to me. I have thicker skin than that."

Obito huffed belligerently. "Yeah, _sure_. So I'm the only one blushing, _oku-san?"_

Rin tried valiantly to tamp down the blush. "I wouldn't mind," she said quietly.

"Mind what?" Obito asked, already used to not understanding what other people said.

She kept silent for a bit, till Obito halted to a stop. "Rin-chan?"

(The timeline was still salvageable, even at this point. Even now that it had strayed so far from the original.)

(But you can't just add a whole new person into a game, and expect the course of destiny to stay the same.)

"I wouldn't mind," she said, looking at him burningly in the eyes, "being Oku-san, if you were my Danna-san."

"Oh."

Obito's throat stopped producing sound, Rin couldn't stop blushing…

But, hands twined, neither one of them let go.

(So a tiny pebble shifts the foundations of a mountain.)

* * *

If someone tried to go back in time and pinpoint the event that changed the course of the world, no one would ever pick the right one.

After all, why should something as incongruous as a teasing nickname be significant?

But Obito, somehow, made even the most mundane things significant.

It was just who he was.

Like an avalanche of rocks hitting him, for example.

Obito and Rin were dating, so of course, Kakashi didn't get embroiled in love triangle politics when he wasn't emotionally capable of handling it.

So, Team 7 was a bit less prickly.

If Kakashi had been even the slightest bit unsure that Obito and Rin loved each other, even the slightest bit thought that they considered him a burden, even the slightest bit thought they were more irrational than the typical genin, well.

But he didn't. And so he made it a split second earlier in time than in another world to help Obito save Rin.

The Iwa-nin that caused the cave-in was disoriented for a split second longer.

Team 7 felt the tremors a split second quicker.

And Obito fell under the avalanche of rocks, but with that split second of forewarning, he was crushed only enough that he was crippled, but not enough that his teammates gave him up for a lost cause.

So they dug him out, even with another cave-in imminent.

("We're not leaving you, Obito! So don't even bother!")

("R-Rin…")

("Kakashi-kun, help me dig him out, or I swear there won't be an _inch_ of your skin left for a funeral!")

Madara didn't get his pawn, so he had to pick another.

Another was picked, and he had… _different_ ideas for how to go about succeeding their 'mission'.

Tobi doesn't exist.

The Kyuubi Attack never happened.

A battle of propaganda, as opposed to a battle of brawn, commenced.

All with a little squeaky voice teasing two hormonal pre-teens.

(So a tiny pebble shifts the foundations of a mountain.)

* * *

 **Akito's age: 6 years old**

Uchiha Fugaku was not a paternal sort of man.

He had trouble with expressing emotions to even his closest confidants. He had difficulty with even the _notion_ of prolonged social contact for the sake of social contact.

That's why his daughter made absolutely no sense to him.

With Mikoto, he could understand that it was in her nature to interact with others, socialise and chatter meaninglessly for hours on end—he'd known what he signed up for.

With his son, he saw the same discomfort as he did in himself when it came to _people_.

But his _daughter_ , on the other hand…

When she was a baby, Fugaku had spent many an hour listening to her babble on in baby-talk with animated expressions and cooing smiles, and bit by bit, he'd stopped being afraid of doing the wrong thing with her.

She was just so self-sufficient, even more, he felt, self-sufficient than Itachi, though a lot of people would beg to differ.

He didn't think anything he did wrong _could_ affect her negatively, so he stopped worrying about it and let her take the lead.

But…she'd never struck him as one to be needlessly social.

Oh, she had it in her, of that he had no doubt, and he was certain she _enjoyed_ spending time with others. But she hadn't struck him as one that went out of their way to socialise, to go to others instead of waiting around for _them_.

"…and then Shisui-chan somersaulted over Higaishi-chan's face, and it was the most ridiculous thing in the whole _world_ and I _can't_ believe no one took a picture of it!" Akito monologued a mile a minute, eliciting a laugh from his wife and a smile from his son.

Though he sat at the head of the table, he couldn't help but notice that everyone was angled _just_ _so_ to keep Akito in their line of sight.

He didn't know when it had started, but Akito had become the head of the family a long time ago.

He didn't mind as much as he thought he should—even from day one, Akito was his jabbering little lisping, self-sufficient giggler, who hadn't fussed about anything, whined about anything, complained about anything, made him think he was useless as a parent _ever_ , and, well…

He was going to be handing over the reins to her someday anyway, so if she led little things now, it would only make big things easier to handle.

It was _too_ easy, now that he was looking for it, to see that the household really _did_ run around Akito.

"When will you be coming back _this_ time?" Mikoto asked her, putting down her chopsticks.

She swallowed before replying. "Well, Sachi-san's just had a son, so she'll probably cut our teatime a bit short, but Furuichi-san's just gotten a new set of pots that he'll probably try to sell, so that'll make up for it. I guess around seven, give or take fifteen minutes."

"I will be at Koki-kun's house till seven," Itachi said carefully, trying not to mangle any words.

Akito nodded with a smile. "Shisui-chan and I'll pick you up on our way home."

Mikoto hummed. "That'll give me just enough time to get some training in and have some girl time with Kushina-chan. I'll have dinner ready by then."

Akito took a bite and then said, "Otou-san's only coming home at eight though, right?"

She looked at him for confirmation, and he nodded. She turned back to her mother. "So maybe we'll delay a bit and Shisui-chan can stay over as well?"

Mikoto sighed in fond exasperation. "I swear that boy eats over here more than at home."

Akito gave a sheepish chuckle, before saying, "Otou-san, you've been a bit quiet today. Is everything okay?"

He waved away her concerns. "Just being introspective."

He still didn't understand why she socialised when she didn't want to, but he could almost see it, in the way the tensions between the Uchiha and the _others_ was decreasing, month by month.

But…she was a child. Surely, _that_ wasn't the reason why she was doing it.

His eyes narrowed at her.

No, he decided. That's probably _exactly_ why she was doing it.

Uchiha truly were superior, even from a young age.

"As to be expected from my daughter," he confirmed out loud.

She tilted her head in confusion. "You expected me to paint Shisui-chan's toenails pink?"

* * *

 **Akito's age: 7 years (the meeting with Jiraiya)**

In the shinobi world, life wasn't guaranteed.

As such, parents weren't always there for their children, and the orphanages always had fresh meat—in the shinobi world, godparents _meant_ something, because it was almost a guarantee that they would raise the child when, not if, but _when_ , the parents passed.

To be given the honour of godparent meant far more to shinobi than it meant to civilians.

It was an honour bestowed to only those _worth_ the honour, and in some respects, it was far more coveted than titles or statuses, or even freedom.

To be a godparent was to be so trusted by a person that they would trust _you_ with their _legacy_.

So of course, when Jiraiya had been told that he'd been picked to be godfather, the first heartfelt words out of his mouth were, "You're joking, right?"

When they convinced him he wasn't dreaming, by a beatifically smiling couple, Jiraiya's next profound words had been, "You'd better not die, brat! I have _no_ idea how to raise a kid!"

Kushina'd grinned and said, "Don't worry 'bout it dattebane! Aki-chan's got that covered—all you gotta do is listen to her."

What struck Jiraiya most right now was that Minato simply shrugged without denying this verdict.

As far as he was aware, 'Aki-chan' was a seven year old academy student with strong pro-Uchiha leanings and a following of most every kid in Konoha.

Lots of political clout, sure, but not enough experience, wit or strength to back it up.

"You'd be surprised, sensei, how capable she is," Minato had said. "After all, we wouldn't have picked her as godmother if we'd thought she couldn't handle it."

With these words in mind, he'd taken great care to watch the girl's every reaction and move to see whether she _was_ capable, or whether his blond gaki had lost it all-together.

"…happens to the best of us," she said mildly, and Jiraiya decided how well she did with surprise attacks, because one could never be prepared enough when dealing with idiosyncratic shinobi with a vague idea of child safety being an actual thing.

"EXACTLY!" he exclaimed, releasing all his control over his chakra for maximum effect, and to his—actually, his quite great surprise, she didn't even flinch.

Maybe he was losing his touch? New people who didn't know what to expect _always_ had a visible reaction to his presence…

He even started off being lewd (not that he would've changed that anyway) and he noticed that she didn't even seem surprised or embarrassed at all. Not only that, she seemed to _understand_ what he was saying.

When she'd left the room with Kushina (scary woman, that one), he turned to Minato-gaki, saying, "Has she got a mental problem I don't know about?"

Maybe she was emotionally stunted? (Wouldn't surprise him—she _was_ an Uchiha)

Minato-gaki shook his head. "I don't know why you think that, sensei, but Aki-chan is perfectly mentally sound."

"For now," Jiraiya qualified.

"For now," Minato acquiesced. "Though she's remarkably good at dealing with stress."

Was she? Jiraiya would have to test that thoroughly.

"Is she _fast_ enough to protect Naruto? Dodging, flexibility, taijutsu?" he asked seriously. He wasn't taking any chances with his precious people.

(He had very few to begin with.)

(His team, his Minato-gaki (and redhead as an add-on). Now, Naruto.)

(So many people dead. So many pieces of his soul gone.)

Minato replied with, "Her academy scores indicate she's the top of her class for the first two, though taijutsu seems to be a three-way tie."

Jiraiya scoffed. "Let's test that."

The minute she walked near the door, Jiraiya flung a kunai at her at high-chuunin level speed (wouldn't want to _actually_ damage the baby she was holding) and, to his intense surprise (and delight), she dodged it reflexively.

Ah, typical Uchiha training too.

So skills weren't in question, at least on this front.

Though after that singing display—what did the words even _mean_?—he wasn't too sure about her mental sanity.

Ah well, can't have them all. (She was actually intimidating, before he remembered he could take her in her sleep blindfolded.)

(This boded well for her reputation.)

(No one would mess with his Naruto.)

(No one would live to try.)

He spent the next hour subtly prodding her defences, working out what made her tick, figuring out all her hang-ups and weaknesses and—

By the end of it, he realised he could've just asked her.

The girl really wasn't trying to hide _anything._

"You know, kid," he said finally, at the end of describing yet another sexcapade to irritate the hell out of Kushina and embarrass Minato-gaki, "you've got to hide your _self_ better—you're like an open book."

She blinked at him. "I thought that was the whole point about this meet-and-greet. You're doing the same thing."

It was his turn to blink, and he could see Minato-gaki stifle a smile from the corner of his eye (traitor). "What?"

She gave him a look of considering confusion. "You've let your defences down too, and I just thought that was what we were supposed to do anyway—we're among family, so why hide?"

Jiraiya scrunched his eyebrows. "You're telling me that you can read me like an open book."

Nope, it still sounded just as ridiculous out loud.

She nodded. "Of course, Shisui-chan's better at detecting lies, but I'm not an idiot at it."

Jiraiya raised a challenging eyebrow at her, mentally noting the name Shisui. "Prove it."

She amiably began. "Judging by your seating choice and angle, you love being here, and you're scared of leaving. But you're also scared of staying, because becoming too attached hurts when people are so breakable. From the way you've spoken, I've gathered that you've spent far more time worrying about them than you spend time _with_ them, which I think is stupid, and you think it's for the best. You don't really like deep fried chicken," she said, nodding to his plate with a grin, "but you avoid gratin dishes, probably 'cause you don't like them. From the way you react to Kushina-ba-chan and your accounts of sexual exploits, you have an innate fear of women that prevents you from going near them, so you antagonise them in order to deflect attention away from it, so that no one else can exploit it. You don't like being offered help, and would rather offer help yourself. The way you show affection is by embarrassing the people you love, because it reminds you of when they were younger and more whole, and you feel guilty for taking away that innocence from them, even though if you hadn't, someone else would've."

She breathed deeply. "You have a mild calcium deficiency that you should probably get checked at some point, you've recently shaved so you actually feel like looking presentable today, assumedly because you feel guilty for missing Naru-chan's birth, you may have a hairline fracture in your right ulna, and it hasn't set right, judging by the way you're moving it. I could go on, but I think you get the picture."

Jiraiya didn't know when his jaw dropped, but when she didn't continue talking and instead patiently waited for him to stop reeling, Jiraiya realised that she wasn't just capable.

The girl was _crazy_.

(He would've used the word genius, but that didn't seem to fit.)

(He would've used the word passive-aggressive, but that would be him denying the fact that she'd actually gotten over him 'nearly' hitting her brother with a kunai fairly quickly.)

(He would've used the word insightful, but that was too mild for what she'd done.)

She'd dissected his inner core, bypassing all the quirks he'd careful cloaked himself with and worn proudly for over four _decades_.

The girl was _scary_.

Jiraiya grinned and laughed a booming laugh. "I think we're going to get along just fine, hime!"

She gave him a grin and a laugh right back, and Jiraiya thought that maybe, just maybe, Minato-gaki'd found someone worth trusting the future with.

* * *

 **OMAKE - Pre-Boiling Rain (for VanillaMilkshake18)  
Warning: the crackiest thing in this entire story.**

The birds were chirping, the alarm clock was buzzing, the window was letting in a sweet cooling breeze, and Akito was tangled in her blankets, wishing the day hadn't begun.

She groaned, hair tangling as she rose and rubbed her eyes sleepily, giving the clock a wounded look. "Really? Five more minutes was too hard to manage?"

The clock kept its comments to itself.

She got off her creaking bed and made her way to her drawer, pulling the chipped wooden thing open and peering into it resignedly. Inside were around nine jars filled with clinking coins—tips that she'd accumulated over the last four years of working her butt off.

"Just," she paused, quickly doing some calculations in her head, "just five more months of this to go, and I can open my own restaurant!"

A beatific smile spread across her face, and didn't leave even when the crazy super-sentient birds flew in through her window to help her get dressed—she was surprised the mice hadn't made an appearance this morning.

Tying her hair back and giving her tired reflection in the cracked mirror a bright smile, Akito left her room, closing the door behind her.

She went downstairs and found her mother and father (though, for some bizarre reason, she looked nothing like them) waiting for her.

"Papa!" she exclaimed, running and winding her arms around her papa's waist in a tight hug. "I thought you'd have left by now!"

"Ah, not just yet," he said, patting her head. "Is there anything I can get my favourite _belle_ in the world?"

She looked into her papa's calm and warm blue eyes, and her brain short-circuited. "Sata andagi! Yeah! That works."

Namikaze Minato gave her a quizzical look. "A Japanese sweet?"

She nodded at her papa. "The yummiest one."

"…I'll see what I can do, considering I'm going to England via France," he responded, turning to his wife. "And anything for the lady?"

"Don't get lost, idiot," Kushina said fondly, her purple eyes crinkling. "Or I'll bludgeon you to death with a sledgehammer. Also, some magic beans would be nice, especially if you can steal 'em off a kid named Jack."

"Duly noted."

Akito loved her mama and papa (though she was fairly certain she was adopted.)

Kushina waved both her daughter and husband off, one to go waitress in one of New Orleans' busiest restaurants at minimum wage, and the other on a journey through dark and perilous lands filled with enchanted forests and strange magic to sell his invention in England.

Because that makes sense.

Meanwhile, Prince Shisui had been turned into a frog.

When Akito got to the restaurant, she was immediately told to go clean up the dishes. In the process, she burst into a spontaneous, needlessly expositional song.

" _And come what may~! I know the way~! I am Akito!"_

She concluded her song with a ballerina twirl, only to realise the dishes still needed to be cleaned and she'd run out of water. She dusted herself off and ran to the main cook, sheepishly saying, "We've run out of water, Mr Teyaki. What should I do?"

Teyaki muttered something under his breath, chopping some carrots. "What would old man Hiroyuki say?"

Akito teared up at the mention of old man Hiroyuki, who'd decided to retire to a town named Forks, somewhere where he'd grumped that it rained a lot, and had managed to make the local vampire population especially angry with him. Something about abortion existing for a reason?

Such a lad.

"He'd tell me to go to the wishing well!" Akito exclaimed, grinning and dashing off to fetch a pail of water.

Teyaki turned around too late, for she'd already disappeared from sight. He scratched his head. "No, he'd tell you to use your brain and turn on the tap…"

Meanwhile, Prince Kakashi was riding a horse in a conveniently located forest near the restaurant Akito worked at, recently having lost an eye to a particularly vicious crazy Chinese dragon named Obito, who was looking for a cross-dressing warrior. In China.

Yes.

Akito had, incidentally, reached the well and begun drawing the water, turning the handle of the pulley.

" _Someday my prince will come, someday we'll meet again, and away to his castle we'll go~"_

Prince Kakashi, hearing the rather off-key singing voice, decided to investigate and put an end to it, all the while arguing with his newly acquired Chinese wiggleworm.

"I'm a dragon!" it intoned with a rather inappropriate Eddie Murphy impression. "Not a worm!"

"Sure," Prince Kakashi sassed. "You keep telling yourself that."

"You're just bitter 'cause you haven't gotten any vagina in the last sixteen years!"

Prince Kakashi went purple in the face. "I _am_ sixteen."

"Exactly," Obito flicked his tongue out sagely. "You're _way_ overdue mate."

The mare he was riding, Rin, snicker-neighed. Kakashi glowered at her. "Oh, so you're taking his side now, too?"

Rin chose to keep her comments to her horsey self.

They broke through some underbrush just as Akito's super-sentient birds made an appearance to tweet in harmony.

"… _dreams come tr—_ oh, hi!" Akito smiled, waving at the strangely garbed man riding towards the well.

"Who the _fuck_ are you?" Prince Kakashi bristled. "And why the _fuck_ are you contributing to the already-unbearable noise pollution in this godforsaken city?"

Akito pondered stranger-danger, and decided to give him a fake name. "I'm…er…" she glanced at a patch of snow. "Snow White! Yeah. That's it. Yup."

"Snow White?" Obito exclaimed, much to Rin's neighing. "You don't look like no Snow White to me!"

Akito took the sassy Chinese reptile in stride. "I had a hair malfunction."

Obito nodded, clawing over to her. "Traumatic? Tell me all about it. Was it Mother Tsunade? I swear that German woman's out to get _everybody_."

"Why?" Akito asked.

Prince Kakashi groaned. "Why are you socialising with tone-deaf?"

"'Cause you can kiss my ass," Obito informed him. Then, in response to Akito's question, he said, "Something about a girl with magical hair getting lost in transit. You know those Germans."

"No, I don't." Akito stroked Rin's mane. "And seeing as you're Chinese, I don't think you do either."

Obito looked like the secrets of the universe had been revealed to him. "Oh yeah…"

"I just want you to shut up," Prince Kakashi said curtly, yanking Rin away from Akito's ministrations.

Akito's grin turned to razors. "As you wish, pumpkin."

Prince Kakashi twitched uncomfortably.

He then rode off into the sunset, Obito hollering and snipping at him all the way.

Meanwhile, in a forest in France, Minato was casually walking through the canopied trail with his unsold invention—a death star, as he liked to call it—trundling behind him in a cart. He then happened upon a Japanese sweets stall run by a teapot and a pair of squabbling tea-making instruments.

"Look, the _last_ time someone came over, _you_ scared them off!" squeaked the tea-strainer. "So you let _me_ handle it this time!"

The teacup pouted. "Why do I always have to be the sidekick?"

The teapot whistled irritably. "Naruto, Sasuke, we have a _customer_. For the first time in a decade. Be nice."

The teacup who'd been relegated to sidekick pouted at the teapot before huffing itself into a corner. The tea-strainer gave Minato a nice…smile? "What can I get for you, sir?"

"Do you have any sata andagi? I was worried I'd have to go all the way to Japan to get some, but who'd have thought a conveniently located stall in the French forest would have exactly what I need?"

Minato wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The tea-strainer looked a bit wary. "You _sure_ you don't want something else? I mean, _anything_ else?"

Minato shook his head. "No, only the sata andagi. My _belle_ only wanted that."

"Belle? Your kid's named _Belle?"_ the teacup asked incredulously. "Yare yare…a bit pretentious, don't you think?"

"Sasuke, be nice," the tea-strainer chastised.

"Sorry, Naruto."

Minato chuckled. "Is it always like this?" he asked the teapot.

The teapot gave him an exasperated grunt. "You have _no_ idea. I'm Emiko, by the way. The tea-strainer's Naruto, and the idiot teacup is Sasuke."

Sasu-cup pouted. Naru-strainer suppressed a smirk.

"You can't have the sata andagi anyway!" Sasu-cup sniffed. "The master won't _ever_ let _anyone_ have any of his secret stash, and he hoards sata andagi."

Minato frowned. "That's…really unhealthy. Do you think he'll let me in if I asked for an audience? I want to check if he's eating properly."

Emiko-pot sighed. "The master never eats anything healthy. Or anything really, for that matter. He just likes hoarding. Maybe talking some sense into him might help. But he could blow up in your face and lock you up in his tower to never let you see the light of day again too, so…up to you, really."

Minato, ever the do-gooder, took his chances.

Needless to say, the master didn't take kindly to being lectured on his food consumption, or lack thereof.

Back in New Orleans, Kushina was having some troubles. Mother Tsunade had come to visit.

"Doing well, Kushina?" Mother Tsunade asked, charmingly ignoring the fact that she'd blown the barricaded door off its hinges. "How's the infertility treating you?"

Kushina levelled her an unimpressed look. "Don't know—you fucking made me this way."

Mother Tsunade sighed. "Semantics. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I heard you'd taken in the Evil Queen's stepdaughter?"

Kushina picked up a frying pan and brandished it menacingly. "First you take away my son and turn him into a _tea-strainer_ , and now you're going to unadopt my daughter?"

Mother Tsunade waved her concerns off. "It's his own fault for being a boy. If he'd been a girl, I wouldn't have had to spend the last fifteen years looking for a replacement magical glowy-hair in my largely futile quest for eternal youth."

"And _why_ do you want the Evil Queen's stepdaughter?" Kushina asked.

"'Cause reasons."

Meanwhile, in the distant sunset, Prince Kakashi'd run into a frog named Shisui, who needed a princess to kiss him ASAP or he'd be stuck as a frog forever.

Kakashi didn't care, but Obito and Rin insisted he help. So he had to turn eighty degrees and canter off to Europe, because that's where all the princesses were at.

Meanwhile, back in New Orleans, Akito had moved onto serving the customers. First came in some guy that said his name was Prince Shisui, and he'd like to order a hog roast and some taters.

"We don't sell those," Akito informed him, curious about this supposed royal. "This is an Italian restaurant. But I can make you some of my granny's gumbo!"

Madame Rosmerta, who ran the pub down the block, gave the 'Prince' the stink-eye. "I know a glamour charm when I see one! You're Harry Potter!"

"DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAAA?!" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"Oh for the love of…I'm _not_ Harry Potter!" cried 'Prince Shisui'. "I'm Frodo with unfortunate glasses!"

"Oh, my mistake, dear boy," Dumbledore apologised. He then turned to Akito. "DID _YOU_ PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAAA?!"

"No!" Akito exclaimed, scrambling to think of a good enough excuse for the crazy nutjob waiting patiently three tables away. "I'm Hermione Granger!"

Just then, a cat landed on her head from the ceiling, and it curled up on top of Akito's head.

"Sakura?" Akito asked the cat. "What're you doing on my head?"

"I just came to tell you that your papa's being held hostage by the beast," the pink cat purred.

Akito frowned in confusion. "But that's not a part of my storyline..."

She shook her head to get rid of all the logical thoughts she might have had on the subject. "I have to go save him! To a random forest in France!"

"I can side-along apparate you there, if you like," offered Madame Rosmerta.

Akito smiled at her. "That's alright; I'm sure, if I think happy thoughts, I'll get there on my own."

And off she trotted to the Beast's mansion.

Meanwhile, Obito and Rin had developed romantic feelings for each other. Frog-Shisui was too busy trying to handstand on his webbed forefeet to bother dissecting the weirdness of Dragon-Horse relationships. Kakashi, unfortunately, was not so happily distracted.

Much bleach was required.

Kushina, in New Orleans, was exasperated. "Look, you don't _need_ magical youth hair! All you need is a bit of make-up—"

Mother Tsunade gave her an unimpressed look and pointed at her immaculate face. "You think this is _natural?"_

By the by, Akito had made it to the Japanese sweets stall. "Oh!" she squealed, coming closer to the stall, Sakura purring on her head like a strange pink fur cap. "Do you have any sata andagi?"

"Oh great," Sasu-cup rolled his eyes. "Another one."

Akito picked Sasu-cup up and tapped his handle in chastisement. "Don't sass me boy; I'm older than you."

Sasu-cup squirmed under her Big Sister Stare (though, she was sure, she didn't really have any brothers…that she knew of) until finally, he relented.

By sticking his tongue out at her and pouting petulantly.

"Ignore him," Naru-strainer sighed exasperatedly. "He's crazy. You're probably Belle? The one the blond man was talking about?"

Akito's eyes lit up. "Yes! Do you know where he is?"

Emiko-pot whistled indignantly. "Look, I've been waiting for a customer for a _long_ time. If you don't bleeding buy anything, I'm going to go Joker on all your asses!"

Akito patted Emiko-pot's lid. "Stop having an aneurysm. I'll get dango, if sata andagi is too much for you."

And so Emiko-pot was sated, Naru-strainer was exasperated, and Sasu-cup wanted a hug.

Meanwhile, in the Evil Queen's palace, Itachi was locked in a heated staring match with the Mirror.

"Pink looks very fetching on you," it quipped at him coolly.

Itachi's stare was unwavering.

It was a great pity that the frilly pink maid uniform made him look about as intimidating as Cinderella.

Oh wait…

"Itachi! You'll never go to the ball at this rate!" screamed the Evil Queen, who happened to be his stepmother too.

Itachi wondered how long it would take Queen Orochimaru to finally realise that he was a boy.

Back in New Orleans, Mother Tsunade finally decided to leave Kushina in peace. Kushina was just about to go back to her futile knitting efforts when Akito's crazy super-sentient birds came into the room carrying a package for her.

"What's this?" she asked the air, looking at the tiny pouch. "Minato sent this? I wonder what it could be…"

She emptied the pouch into her hands, and out popped three magical white beans. "Huh. Akito's right. The idiot really _can_ do the impossible…"

She decided to plant them in Dr Hagane's back garden, because reasons.

Meanwhile, in a random French Forest, Prince Kakashi and Shisui-frog were playing a game of tic-tac-toe with some stones as Rin and Obito tried to figure out where they'd taken a wrong turn.

"Go fish," Shisui-frog informed Prince Kakashi.

"Wrong game, genius," Kakashi drawled, picking up a stone and flinging it at Shisui-frog. Shisui-frog dodged expertly.

"So why are you a frog?" asked Obito, distracted.

Rin neighed in fond exasperation.

"Huh?" Shisui-frog said. "Oh, well, funny story actually. See, my grandma had told me not to talk to wolves on the way to New Orleans, but then I'd found a wolf—nice wolf too, went by the name of Kido—and he gave me this ring, see. But some random guy that looked like Harry Potter decided it was his and magicked me into a frog and turned into me to get the ring. And so, a princess' kiss will break this curse."

"How…do you know this?" Kakashi asked, finding too many holes in this story to really nitpick without a brainstorm board and drawing pins.

"Well, this old witch—likes to carve wood—Koki or something, told me that a princess' kiss can break all un-bear related magical curses." Shisui-frog thought it made perfect sense.

"Convenient," Obito nodded sagely, a flicker of fire licking out of his nose.

"Things have a way of working themselves out," Shisui-frog said, a small smile on his face. "Besides, I can't _wait_ to meet that waitress in New Orleans. Who cares about magical princesses when you've got Tiana?"

"Tiana?" Prince Kakashi asked, intrigued to meet this person.

Shisui blushed, thinking about the laughing waitress with the bright eyes, crooked smile and mane of silky messy raven hair that brushed her toes when left loose, who he'd met last summer on some fanciful errand that he didn't even remember at this point.

"Yeah, Tiana," Shisui said, trying to keep the swoon from his voice. "You'll love her."

And after Shisui regaled them with a few stories of the things she'd said and done, Kakashi thought he already did.

Meanwhile, in the Beast's mansion, Sasu-cup and Naru-strainer had shown Akito, occasionally known as Tiana, the way to the dungeons, and she'd thanked them with a smile as they blushed their way back to the crockery cupboard.

"My _belle?"_ asked Minato, incredulously, from behind bars. In the dim lighting, Akito could make out that Minato, in the last…ten minutes or so since he'd been imprisoned, hadn't eaten much.

"How could he do this to you?" Akito demanded, because the plot demanded it. "Or something!"

Sakura purred from her head, and then hissed as she smelled the Beast. "He's coming, Akito."

"Don't be too mean to him," Minato urged. "He's not eating properly, and he has a very skewed perception of himself."

"Who's there?" Akito asked, her eyes sharp and voice menacing as she brandished her dango skewer expertly. "Come into the light."

From the shadows of the dungeon, a glasses wearing, pasty skinned, white haired man emerged. "I'm the Beast."

Akito eyed him, utterly confused. "You don't even _look_ like a beast."

"Yes I do," he insisted.

"No you don't," Akito said firmly. "Who told you that?"

The 'Beast' looked away. "I'm a Beast. Look away."

Akito deadpanned. "Look, some people have a preference for social exile, and I respect that. But calling yourself a beast and then starving yourself is stupid. You're not a beast, and I want to know who told you that so I can play Vivaldi's Four Seasons on their spleen."

"You don't even know me," the Beast pointed out.

"Enlighten me," Akito said.

A barely perceptible smile flickered across his anorexic face. "My name's Kabuto."

Akito gave him a bright friendly smile. "Hi Kabuto, I'm Akito, your new best friend and personal therapist."

"Joy," he said drily, pushing his glasses up with his middle finger.

Akito slapped his hand away. "Don't _do_ that. Now, let's get some food in you."

Needless to say, Akito ran the Beast's mansion from then on, much to Gaston-Danzou's chagrin. Minato was released to go find his wife and…bring her to France? Naru-strainer went along for the journey.

Meanwhile, in Queen Orochimaru's palace, Itachi was trying very hard not to kill someone. "Do you think purple suits your skin tone better, or burgundy?"

Itachi, his mid-back length hair artistically arranged in a feminine bun, mimicked a mannequin as he stared blankly into the mirror.

"Burgundy's a lovely choice," Orochimaru agreed with himself. "And while we're at Princess Haku's coronation, I can finally figure out the science behind that genetically improbable ice magic."

Itachi continued being a soulless mannequin.

Orochimaru tsked. "We might have to make a pit stop at the Beast's mansion. I think purple suits you better after all."

Something resembling happiness stirred in Itachi's heart. Orochimaru left the room to order his minions to fire up the teleportation device that would get them to a plot convenient location much faster than was entirely healthy.

Itachi let out a breath, whispering his long lost brother's name. "Sasuke…"

Meanwhile, Sasu-cup was in Akito's pocket, critiquing her cooking with much passion, as a coping mechanism for his sense of loss with Naru-strainer not around.

"Tell me a bit about yourself," Akito said, peeling a few potatoes for the creamy potato stew.

Sasu-cup launched headfirst into a story about dragons and sleeping beauties.

"I was three when this happened, so it's not really clear. My brother was five, and he's really pretty. Like, insanely pretty. So when dad remarried…I think. I'm not really sure on the specifics, because I'm a kid and no one really tells kids much."

Akito nodded, moving onto grating the parmesan cheese.

"Anyway, so whoever the Queen was, had this stupid mirror that told me I wasn't pretty enough to be the _prettiest_. But it said that Itachi was almost as pretty as…Rapunzel? Don't know who that is, but it sounds pretty German."

Akito vaguely remembered making up a weird nickname like that for herself. Huh.

"Anyway! So, I had this sister, right? And she was really cool, but I was three, so I don't remember her much. She was nice though, and Itachi used to cry a lot because the Queen killed her or something. Anyway! So she put Itachi into this sleep for the next ten years or something, and then gave me to Mother Tsunade, who turned me into a teacup and brought me here."

Sasuke wiped a tear that had leaked out.

"And here I've been for a decade now, waiting for Itachi to wake up and come for me, so we can be a family again. And take Naruto with us, cause it's not really family without him, you know?"

Akito brought the little teacup into a warm embrace. "Hey, if he doesn't find you in the next few days, I'm sure we can go find him ourselves."

Sasuke's eyes shined happily. "You'd do that for me?"

Akito laughed. "Of course I will, silly! That's what family does!"

Sasuke grinned, and it struck Akito that it looked a _lot_ like her own…

Probably coincidence.

"Though, you promised me a dragon," she reminded him playfully as she cracked an egg into a giggling bowl.

He narrowed his eyes at her in mock-anger, before grinning and saying, "Well, apparently, a dragon named Kisame was supposed to be guarding Itachi as he slept, but I remember hearing that Kisame got bored and wandered off to Under the Sea. Last I heard, he was chilling with Flounder and babysitting Melody, whoever _that_ is."

Akito thought it was a rather nice happy ending for the Kisame-dragon.

Meanwhile, Shisui-frog was hungry. "Any dango around here?" he asked sheepishly. "I'm sick and tired of trying to eat flies."

Obito bared his teeth at him with a wide grin. "I smell a sweet shop just around that tree!"

Rin neighed as she trotted to the random Japanese sweets stall conveniently located near the main plot.

"What the fuck is a stall doing in the middle of a forest?" Prince Kakashi asked.

Shisui-frog shushed him. "Just roll with it, Kakashi. Hey, got any dango?"

Emiko-pot grinned. "Coming right up." She then glanced up at Kakashi and something stirred in her ceramic heart. "Oh," she said to herself, "so this is what a crush feels like…"

"Have you seen any princesses around?" Obito asked the teapot. "My man Shisui needs one, pronto."

"Well," Emiko-pot mused. _"Technically_ no? The master is as close to a prince as France has got, what with the revolution and everything, but I'm not really sure whether that qualifies Belle as a princess, because I'm pretty sure they're not married."

"Worth a shot," Shisui-frog said through a mouthful of dango. "I've got…twenty more plot minutes before I'm stuck as a frog forever."

Kakashi slammed his head against a tree. "You know what? Forget it! I don't care anymore!"

Meanwhile, Itachi and Orochimaru were heading towards the Beast's mansion on a magical flying carpet—the teleportation device had melted, and so Orochimaru had had to use his Plan B – Genie Jiraiya.

"Honey, you look _beautiful_ in a crown," Jiraiya wolf-whistled, making Orochimaru want to drown him in an aquifer.

"Shut up, you imbecile!" he hissed. "Do you _want_ Mother Tsunade to hear you?"

Jiraiya paled. "We're in Germany?" he asked, as they flew past the Berlin Wall.

Itachi wanted to smack his head against something to induce a concussion.

Back in New Orleans, Dr Hagane's back garden had exploded into a beanstalk. His housekeeper, Togari, blubbered over the phone so hard that Dr Hagane, who was treating Tenzou, a long term psychiatric patient who thought that he was Groot, thought that she'd found a dead body.

No, it was much worse.

A _giant_ was climbing down the beanstalk.

Minato had just made his way back to his little shabby house in New Orleans when the evacuation process started.

He sighed as he entered the house. "Kushina, what did you do this time?"

Naru-strainer looked on curiously as a red haired woman grinned at Minato sheepishly, pouring him a cup of tea.

"Welcome home?"

Minato snorted. Then, remembering his manners, he said, "This is Naruto; Naruto, say hi to my wife, Kushin—Kushina, why are you crying?"

"Naruto?" she whispered, eyes wide and desperate.

Naru-strainer looked up from Minato's satchel shyly. "Yeah…"

"Kushina?"

"Minato, I lied about the still-birth…"

More would've been said if the giant hadn't crushed half the roof.

"Oh fuck you!" Kushina yelled at it. "We were _having_ a _moment!"_

Hizashi the Giant was not amused. "Language."

Meanwhile, in the sky above Switzerland, Orochimaru growled, "If you hadn't _panicked_ , we'd be _there_ by now!"

Jiraiya was still shaking from the near miss—he'd seen a blonde woman with great watermelons and he'd decided to play it _very_ safe—so all he could manage was, "It's just a detour, my Queen."

Itachi was looking forward to seeing Sasuke for the first time in, if Queen Orochimaru was to be believed, a decade.

Meanwhile, in the Beast's mansion, Kabuto refused to eat. "It looks like food," was his complaint.

Akito pursed her lips as one of the many wardrobes that had come to see their master eat actual food sighed. "It's no use, Mistress Belle. He's never going to eat…"

"Don't stay stuff like that, Izumi," Akito said, pushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Kabuto, if you're not going to eat, I'm going to shove it down your throat."

Kabuto glared at her balefully, before grabbing the spoon and taking a ridiculously tentative bite. "There," he said. "I've eaten. Now take it away."

Akito just smiled at him sadly, and said, "Okay. Thanks for trying."

Kabuto felt inordinately guilty.

Meanwhile, in the French forest, Prince Kakashi was contemplating homicide. "We should _be_ there by now."

Shisui-frog just sat there and enjoyed the ride. "Don't worry, Kakashi. The plot just doesn't need us there yet. We'll get there in time."

Kakashi wondered if he was the only sane person in the entire world. Obito said, "Nah, Kakashi's got a stick shoved up so far up his—"

"Language."

All four of them looked up to see what had blotted the sun, and found a long-haired, pupil less lilac-eyed giant bearing down on them from the clouds.

"Fudgesickles," Shisui-frog said.

Meanwhile, in the Beast's mansion, a week had passed and Kabuto was now consenting to eat a little bit more every day. By direct causality, his mood improved, and a few household objects turned into humans each day.

Ine, the footstool, had been the first to convert, and she'd turned into a blue-haired, red-eyed girl of thirteen, who'd travelled from a distant land to understand the ways of White Man, or so she said.

"I still don't like food," he informed her, nibbling on some garlic bread.

Akito, her face stuffed full of duck, swallowed heavily and said, "Hey, we eat to live, not live to eat; as long as you do the eating, I'll lay off the fussing."

Kabuto grumbled, but at this point, Akito knew she'd won him over.

Sasu-cup was chattering a mile a minute about how happy he was that he might turn back into a real boy soon. He was the first and foremost of Akito's converts to the feed-Kabuto-every-day-and-improve-his-self-esteem club.

"You sure you don't want salsa dip?" he asked for the nth time. "Me and Izumi spent an entire hour trying to figure out how to make some. Neither one of us knows how to cook, you know. And I—"

Suddenly, the door burst wide open, encroaching on the happy meal. Kabuto dropped his plate, Sasu-cup fell into the salsa dip, and Akito didn't even flinch.

"Finally! I swear, Jiraiya, if I had to endure one more second of your blithering, imbecilic behaviour, I would've—" Queen Orochimaru began, but abruptly cut off when his eyes landed on Akito.

" _You,"_ he hissed, forgetting Jiraiya the idiot's follies. "How dare you be alive when I specifically told you to go kill yourself?!"

Akito had _no_ idea what he was on about, but she figured bravado was the way to go. "I don't like listening to orders much."

Itachi was swallowing hard. "Sister?" he asked softly, his voice still not used to being used after a decade of slumber, and then a month of being treated like a scullery maid, with nothing but an ostentatious rat named Daiki.

Akito turned to look at him, and she couldn't remember him at all. But he looked so lost, and so afraid and brave and resigned all at once, that she couldn't help but lie. "Hie ho, brother."

Itachi's face lit up in a smile that could rival the sun's brightness, if said sun wasn't being blocked by Hizashi the Giant, trailed by Prince Kakashi, Obito and Shisui-frog riding on Rin, and Minato, Kushina and a now-human thirteen year old blond boy the spitting image of his father (and a bit of his mother too) riding on Hizashi's shoulder.

"How…did that even…" Kabuto tried to ask, but the words just couldn't seem to find their way past the hysterical laughter building up in his throat.

"Hello, Mr Giant," Akito called calmly with a smile. "Would you like some pie? I've got some in the oven."

Hizashi pondered this. "Filling?"

Akito grinned. "Peanut butter."

Hizashi was intrigued despite himself and carefully folded his legs to sit down, flattening several trees in the process. "I can delay my hunt for Jack a little while."

Sakura purred on top of her head as she headed to the kitchen to get them all some pie. Luckily, she'd thought to bake extras, enough for all of them.

"This is good, Tiana. Can't wait for that restaurant of yours to open up so I can eat like this all the time," said Shisui-frog, swallowing a bite of peanut butter pie.

Akito looked at the frog strangely. "Prince Shisui?"

"Prince Shisui?" asked Itachi incredulously.

"Prince Shisui?" asked Sasu-cup confusedly. "That's a frog, Belle."

Shisui-frog gave a little bow, before saying, "I didn't know your name was Belle…"

"Oh, no, it's—" she started, only to be interrupted by Kakashi's strangled, "Snow White!"

Akito turned to him and tried to correct him, but Shisui said, "I thought Snow White was a tone deaf troll lookalike."

"Excuse me?" she asked indignantly.

"Yeah, that _can't_ be Belle!" Sasu-cup chimed dutifully.

Minato scratched his cheek. "Her name's not Belle…"

"Yeah, it's actually—" Kushina started to correct, but before she could, she was interrupted by Genie Jiraiya.

"Jasmine!" he exclaimed.

Akito deadpanned. "No."

"Aladdin!" he tried again.

Akito sputtered. "DO I _LOOK_ LIKE AN ALADDIN TO YOU!?"

Queen Orochimaru gasped dramatically. "Aurora!"

Sasu-cup twitched. "I thought Itachi was Aurora?"

Itachi homed in on the teacup in Akito's pocket. "Sasuke?"

"Itachi?"

They would've had a lovely bonding moment if Hana the fairy godmother hadn't popped out of the woodwork, with bear-woodcarver-from-Scotland Koki whittling some wood next to her.

"You _shall_ go to the ball, pink-eyes!" she cackled with a bright blush, sprinkling fairy dust all over Itachi.

Koki looked up and saw Shisui-frog. "Oh, Little Red Riding Hood. Got the princess to kiss you yet?"

"I don't really know who the princess is here," replied Shisui-frog, content with devouring his pie and watching the drama unfold.

Kabuto looked at his slice of pie, saw how much Hizashi the Giant and Shisui-frog were enjoying it, and took a bite.

Instantly, Sasu-cup turned into Sasuke, a thirteen year old bubbly troller with bright eyes and wide smiles, just like Akito.

"You know," mused Akito. "If you were older, we could be twins."

Sasuke was about to reply when Naruto said to himself, "You look really pretty…"

Sasuke turned to him like an adoring puppy. "You look prettier, Naruto!"

Naruto smacked his hand against his forehead, already resigned to spending the rest of his life with this idiot.

"Scheherazade?" asked genie Jiraiya, still trying to figure out who Akito was.

"My sister is not Scheherazade," Itachi said. "Her name is—"

"Rapunzel!" thundered Mother Tsunade, magically floating into the scene. She pointed demandingly at her watch with one hand and towards Germany with the other. "You're late! You should've been in my tower ten years ago!"

Akito looked puzzled. "Do I know you?"

"Sister," Itachi said. "You should have returned to the Evil Queen's kingdom of Illyria the minute you escaped Mother Tsunade's clutches. I feared you dead."

Akito tilted her head. "To be honest, I don't remember much."

Itachi looked wounded. "What about _dancing bears, painted wings, things I almost remember~ and a song, someone sings, once upon a December~"_

Kakashi said, "See, _that's_ singing."

Obito had tears in his eyes. "Mulan?" he asked, looking at Akito.

Akito turned to him, saying, "What? No!"

"Anastasia…" whispered Gaston-Danzou, coming out of the ground and wrapping his skeletal hands around her. "I've finally found you!"

Akito stepped on his hand and crushed it, using a fork to poke his eye out. "Dasvidanya, bitch!"

He sunk back into the ground.

"Now, where were we?" she asked, looking at Shisui-frog.

He pointed at Mother Tsunade. "She thinks you're Rapunzel and wants you to come with her to be locked up in her tower, Prince Itachi thinks you're his long-lost sister, though I'm not sure whether he thinks you're Rapunzel or Anastasia, Prince Kakashi thinks you're Snow White, Genie Jiraiya's just confused, Queen Orochimaru thinks you're Sleeping Beauty…it's a bit complicated, Tiana."

He shrugged, and Akito was just as confused as he was.

"Aurora!"

"Jasmine!"

"Hermione!"

"Rapunzel!"

"Belle!"

"Snow White!"

"Mulan!"

"Fiona!"

"Anastasia!"

"Donkey!"

"Moana!"

"Ana!"

"Cinderella!"

"Little Red!"

"Maid Marian!"

"Harry Potter!"

"I'm not Harry Potter!"

"DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAAA!?"

"Aladdin?!"

Eventually, all the voices melded into one, until a clear voice erupted through the haze, and Akito's eyes widened, focusing on that one voice more than any other.

"Hey, Princess, a kiss is due, don't you think?"

Before she could see who it was, someone shook her and said, **"Akito, wake up."**

And so she did.

She blinked blearily and pushed herself off her pillow, looking to the left and seeing Kabuto nudging her awake.

"You'll be late for the academy if you keep this up," he said, moving away so she could get up.

She yawned and stretched, wondering what she could make for her younger brother's bento in the—five, she checked—five minutes she had.

"I think there's some leftover seasoned fish from yesterday," she mumbled to herself, getting off the bed and shuffling to the toilet. "Want me to leave something for you, Kabuto?"

He shook his head, content to snuggle into the sheets she'd given him last night and try to fall asleep again.

Sasuke was fluffed into his crib snuggly, and with the peaceful look on his face, you'd never be able to tell he'd practically screamed the house down all night.

"I've got a new story for you," she whispered, poking his nose and kissing his forehead.

And she did.

Whacked out dreams for the win, right?

* * *

 **OMAKE**

Anko had no idea where Orochimaru-sensei was.

Anko shrugged.

He'd show up eventually.

* * *

 _I hope you enjoyed that! The next chapter'll be out before the end of this month, I promise! :) Let me know what you thought, mkay? Review, please?_


	18. Ordinary Orphans

**_'Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.'_**

 **Warning: suicidal thoughts and death uphead. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

It was the darkest part of night as a lone, blank-masked shinobi, barely half the height of a grown man, streaked through the sparse trees. His breath came out in panting huffs as his surroundings blurred before him, tunnel vision taking over as his weary limbs pumped adrenaline through his system.

In pursuit were similarly blank-masked shinobi, weary themselves but showing no sign of stopping.

They were at the border of Hi no Kuni and Mizu no Kuni, where the mud squelched underneath as they dropped from the mangroves, running full-pelt towards Land's End.

Kabuto debated the merits of fumbling through his pouch to find any leftover soldier pills versus the drawbacks of wasting precious split seconds that would let the ROOT ANBU catch up to him.

He risked it—he was running on dangerously low chakra, and he was too far away from any potential help (or hindrance) to hold out for a miracle.

One of the ROOT agents drew close enough to shear his head off, and it was only because of hours spent ducking under Akito's roundhouse kicks (she had a strange affinity for those) that he managed to bend over backwards to dodge.

"Resistance is meaningless," said one that Kabuto was fairly certain was Shou, his white mask glowing in the moonlight. "Accept your death peacefully, as a true shinobi of the leaf."

Kabuto forewent answering, choosing to continue running instead.

And he ran and ran and ran, because ROOT never ran out of steam.

* * *

Emiko was waiting outside the academy for Akito-kun and Shisui-kun to stop dawdling so that they could go to the newly opened Nabekyu. The reviews were really good and Emiko was _starving!_

In other news, she had to get a haircut. Sure, she'd love to have longer hair so that she wasn't borderline mistaken for a boy all the time (she'd kill Yūhi Daiki one of these days, she _swears_ ), but the shampoo rations for the Orphanage didn't afford her such luxuries.

In fact, there were a lot of things she'd do if she had the money for it, like get some of those pretty jewel pins to hold her hair up in pretty waves, get some hair curlers, buy more fashionable dresses, and that expensive-but-so-totally-worth-it makeup…

Emiko's eyes burned with renewed determination as she looked at her not-manicured nails. She _would_ become a renowned shinobi. She _would_ get hefty paycheques. She _would_ squander all her money on materialistic desires.

She'd buy big meals to eat _every day for the rest of her life._

She'd just have to graduate first. Easier said than done, especially with how prodigious her class was.

Just as she was contemplating just how specialised all her classmates were while her best skill was _flower arrangement_ of all dratted things, a grey-haired chuunin—no, she was certain he could be nothing less than a jounin, with the way he carried himself—walked past her, nonchalantly blinking at a half-read book and flipping a page silently.

His face was half-covered with a mask, his neck was covered with his mask (and _what a neck it was)_ and his long eyelashes were fanning his cheeks lusciously. Emiko's heart skipped a beat.

The shinobi must have felt her ogling, because he turned his head to look at her dispassionately, gave her a once over, and sauntered off.

She dug around several places, eavesdropped muchly, and discovered who he was, and his prodigious backstory.

Hatake Kakashi was Emiko the Orphan's first crush.

* * *

"You'll be out of here in no time," the pink-eyed woman said with a frazzled smile.

He smiled back, glad to be leaving the stuffy hospital with all the crazy _people_ in it.

People were scary.

Sometimes, they clamped their hands around you and squeezed, almost suffocating you, and sometimes they scraped their callused hands against your scalp and pulled at the tangles in your hair.

And the worst part was, they called it 'affection'.

He almost missed the non-being-ness of his stint at Orochimaru-sama's secret lab.

Then, they were so _confusing_. He'd woken up, and then not even three seconds later, a masked person with kitty whiskers asked him for his name, the very thing he'd been mourning the loss of.

"I don't know," he had replied, blinking at the masked person through the tangled brown fringe obscuring his vision. "I don't remember."

The kitty-masked person had tutted and left through the window.

He had had nothing better to do, so he'd fallen asleep.

The _next_ time he'd woken up, he'd decided that his limbs were aching because he wasn't moving. Promptly after that, a pretty woman had tried to kill him via clampage and suffocation, before scraping her nails across his scalp and saying, "Oh, you poor thing! Here, let's get you all cleaned up. I bet you'll like that, hmm?"

He hadn't, but he'd thought not to complain. He had learnt, incidentally, to fear The Sponge Bath.

A woof-masked person had come in after that (at least, he was fairly certain it was a woof, but he hadn't really learnt many animal names before he was…kidnapped? Sold? The possibilities were endless, and his brain capacity, sadly, was not). He'd asked, "Do you remember your name? Family? Age? Place of birth?"

After that gruelling encounter, he'd decided that he didn't really know much of anything. "What?" had been his grand, verbose reply.

Woof had not been amused. "You need a name."

He had chosen not to argue with that, largely because he agreed. Before he could think of what his name would be, the woof-masked person had said, "We'll call you Lamb, for now."

Lamb was sure there was some significance to that that he was missing.

A day later, or at least, a Sponge Bath later, another masked person had come into his hospital room, but this time, it was blank. Lamb wondered whether they'd run out of animals to paint.

"Danzou-sama would like to speak with you," the man had said robotically. Lamb was unsure of how to proceed.

See, this is why he needed a test tube to hide in—sure, the screaming of his fellow test subjects shrivelled up his insides and made him feel like a useless pathetic murderer, but at least he didn't have to make _decisions_.

He didn't really get to reply, however, when another, shorter, blank masked person showed up and the first blank masked person shuddered.

"What are you doing here?" the first one had asked. "This is against protocol."

The second one had said, "Sorry, Koto. It's nothing personal."

Lamb had watched a fight go down with wide eyes and scared butterflies in his stomach. The shorter blank-masked person finally killed the first one, though Lamb couldn't see how, and then turned to him.

"What's your name?" he had asked, and Lamb had had no idea how to respond.

"You just killed him…" he had said instead, and the short blank-masked person snorted.

"Never said Dorothy-ing Egghead would be easy."

Lamb had no idea what that meant, or what the world was coming to.

"Do me a favour, whoever you are," he had said. "If you hear the name Danzou, _scream_ like you're on fire. Don't go anywhere near him."

Lamb nodded, wishing he understood what the difference between scream-like-you're-on-fire and scream-like-you're-being-injected-with-black-liquid was, because he knew how to do the latter far better than the former.

He'd never been set on fire, after all.

Incidentally, Lamb didn't want to die, so he'd agreed.

After that, another masked person had come in and silently cleaned up the mess, before the murderous _affectionate_ nurse could see the blood, and given him a sheet of paper with kanji on it.

"That should tell you everything you need to know about your accommodation."

The paper would have solved all his problems.

If he had known how to read.

Unfortunately, it seemed as if that information was missing from his cranium. Yet another reason for wishing he was back in the secret lab.

He'd then gone to the front entrance of the hospital after the _affectionate_ (he still couldn't understand why that word was used for the torture she inflicted upon him) nurse had blubberingly discharged him.

In hindsight, maybe she hadn't been a nurse, but what did he know?

And now here he was, having spent a good half hour crying into a blonde woman's dress as she stutteringly tried to get him to stop crying and tried to tell him what the paper said.

"Just turn right on this road," she said, indicating leftwards, "and then turn left near Hibiki-san's fish stall, and then you'll see a building, and I'm not sure whether it's the blue one or the green one you want…hmm…wait, maybe I can walk you there…oh, wait, are you patient sixty two?"

She looked at him questioningly, and Lamb wished he could answer. As it stood, he had no idea what that was. "I'm Lamb," he said instead.

She blinked nervously a couple of times. "I-I'm Komoto Togari. It's nice to meet you," she said, reflexively bowing.

Lamb didn't know what to make of that, so he bowed back awkwardly. "I just want to go home."

He didn't know why that brought on yet another volley of tears, especially considering he didn't _remember_ any Home, but judging by the way Togari was crying as well, maybe it was just a universal thing to cry at.

"I-I'll help you get to your apartment," she said, sniffling. "B-But I don't know…I mean, I can leave, because it's my lunch break, but if I get lost, I can't…well, he can't really fire me right now…and the worst he'll do is yell…"

Lamb didn't know how to reply, so he said the first thing that came to mind. "I haven't eaten real food in years."

This set Komoto Togari off yet again, and this time, Lamb thought that maybe that was because it was just who she was, instead of it being a thing most people cried at.

"I-I'll treat you to something," she said, wiping away the still-falling tears. "Lamb-kun, what w-would you like to eat?"

Lamb didn't know. He just…didn't. The things he'd eaten at the hospital were quite possibly the _only_ solid things he'd ever eaten. Granted, he couldn't remember anything from before the secret lab, so maybe that had something to do with it.

"I don't know any food names," he said, blood rushing to his face. He might need to get that checked. Was it normal?

Komoto Togari's face went red, so he drew two conclusions: either it _was_ normal, or they were both abnormal.

Either way was fine by him. She was easily the best person he'd met in his whole ten years of living (that he could remember, of course).

And he _was_ ten. Apparently, Orochimaru-sama liked keeping records of such things. He had been—

"Wait, no, I think I _am_ patient sixty two. Orochimaru-sama referred to me as such," he said, blurting out the epiphany he'd just had.

Komoto Togari gasped. "Orochimaru-sama? He's your father?"

Lamb didn't know the answer to that. What was a father? Specifically, he didn't seem to recall.

"I suppose," he said, and she gasped again.

"Oh, wait till Haruka-chan hears…" she mumbled. "To think, he had a _son_ …it's no wonder he's been missing…wait, does this fall under the confidentiality clause? Umm…"

Lamb's stomach growled. Komoto Togari snapped out of her thoughts with a yelp. "H-How about something easy to digest? Like, like…er…daifuku! They always make me feel better!"

Togari smiled brightly, losing a lot of the nervousness Lamb had thought was a part of her personality, and stood up straight. "Yes, daifuku, with some beef stew from Ikeyama, and then I'll help you find your apartment."

Lamb put his hand in hers when she held it out, and together, they walked towards his new life.

* * *

"So my experiment survived," Orochimaru chuckled. "It seems at least _he_ will be pleased."

The ANBU tailing him exchanged a glance. Who was _he?_

* * *

 _He_ was gnashing his teeth, wondering why ever since that Uchiha heiress' failed assassination attempt, things were going downhill.

Gradually, it was true, but his roots were being clipped.

Danzou was not amused.

To make matters worse, the ROOT agents he'd deployed to find the one that was picking off his agents like cherries had yet to report back to him.

Time to destabilise the Yondaime's power. He was very glad Orochimaru's capture had occurred only _after_ he'd given the victim the final dosage.

 _Sorry, Hiruzen. It's nothing personal._

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen was sitting on his chair, stewing in anger. Sometimes, a distant part of him said that his anger was…unnatural, but the rest of him felt angry enough to snuff out that bit of irrationality.

He had been insidiously whispering against the Uchiha, though for some reason, it hadn't gotten as widespread as it would normally have. He didn't know _why_ , and that just fuelled his (unnatural) anger.

"Hiruzen," Biwako said, limping towards him. She'd never been the same after the Boiling Rain. ( _He'd_ never been the same, after Mariko.)

Another reason to be angry.

"What is it?" he said, letting out a breath of smoke. He picked up his pipe and took another inhale. It had used to calm him down. (Now, everything made him angrier.)

"What…" she began, but chose to change her mind with a sigh. "What would you like for dinner?"

Hiruzen was about to tell her (snap, really; he hadn't been doing much else for a long while now, and it was starting to affect his already screwy relationship with his son) when—

His pipe slipped from his fingers as the _lurch_ of pain in his chest seized his body up. It was like a cannonball had collided with his heart and—

"Hiruzen? Hiruzen!" Biwako called, limping towards him as quickly as she could. He couldn't _breathe_ and, suddenly, everything ended.

* * *

"Did you hear?"

"What about? Sato Jirou's affair with his sister-in-law? 'Cause let me tell you, the _things_ I've heard—"

"No, no, it's about the San—"

"I've heard about that! Sanrou-kun and Bunko-sensei are _living_ together, did you know? His fiancée and he broke up only last week!"

"No, it's about…wait, seriously?!"

"Yes!"

"But…she's so _old!_ "

"I know! But she _is_ a kunoichi—they're all a bit, _you know_."

"Who'd've thought it…reminds me of what happened with Ameyama Fuji three years ago. Didn't I tell you about that?"

"No! Poor Fuji-san! Didn't she kill herself?"

"Yes! Terrible business! Husband left for some vicious kunoichi with an overbite and _three_ moles on her face! Face was all scarred and _tanned—"_

"Men! Absolutely _no_ taste in women!"

"Hear hear!"

"Oh, what were you going to tell me then, if not about Sanrou-kun?"

"Oh! Yes, I _just_ heard it from Eiko-chan, who heard it from Sarutobi Hideko, who heard it from Biwako-sama herself!"

"What is it, Aina-chan? Don't keep me in suspense!"

" _Sandaime-sama is in a coma."_

"No! How? Is it the Inuzuka and Uchiha? Finally! The wait was—"

"Oh no, Mai-chan! It gets _better!_ Apparently, it was _Yondaime-sama_ that poisoned him!"

* * *

Gyukudo Maki worked at the Weaving Guild three days a week and took care of her two year old son every other day while her husband worked the demanding hours for Atsushi-san's construction company.

Ever since the Night of the Boiling Rain, her husband's company had been subsidised by the government directly, so they were being paid a pittance for the hours they were working.

Maki wasn't happy with this, because even the Weaving Guild was demanding that she work more hours, or be made redundant. She had a two year old son to look after, and her mother lived outside Konoha, near Tanzaku Gai.

Maki's stress levels were skyrocketing, and she'd had to enlist Teuchi-san's nine year old daughter Ayame to help her get by.

Things were not looking up.

"Have you heard?" Sachi-san from the Plaza sector asked her, looking up from her rapidly practised fingers.

Maki, who'd once been the proud owner of a blabbermouth, gladly took the bait. "Is it about Sanrou-san?"

Sachi-san waved her off. "That's old news, Maki-san! Yeesh, ever since you had the baby, you've been so out of the loop."

Maki repressed her irritation—her Toku-chan was an _angel_ —and asked, "Are you going to tell me or what?"

Sachi paused to draw out the suspense, making Maki look away from her own cotton wheel and groan. "Sachi-san!" she whined.

The older woman good-naturedly chirped, "Just playing with you, Maki-san! It's about Sandaime-sama."

"You mean that he's in a coma?" Maki asked, unimpressed. "I heard _that_ one a week ago. I have a cousin in paediatrics."

Sachi-san looked suitably impressed. Maki suppressed the smirk she felt rising up, and then internally frowned. Her cousin was the cleaner in the hospital, a coveted job as is, but it was _ridiculous_ how overworked she was!

Honestly! Couldn't they just get more people to do the job? Poor Rie-chan hadn't come _home_ for almost a week after that hideous night!

After she'd let that thought curdle, the stress about the damp spots on her floor and ceiling came back so forcefully to the forefront of her mind that she had to visibly tackle it and shove it aside for later.

"It's not about _that_ ," Sachi-san said, though Maki could tell the older woman was put out that she already knew about it. "Did you know that they suspect foul play?"

Maki nearly yawned. There had been the almost obligatory upsurge in Uchiha-slandering, and of course, the typical insidious Hyuuga rumours (you never knew with their creepy eyes), and it was nothing she hadn't heard before.

(She was ever so grateful that Akito-hime had suggested asking Ayame for help with the babysitting. Such a helpful girl she was. Even her husband had been grateful for the work she did at the rubble site.)

But what Sachi-san said made her feel wide awake.

"You'll never guess! Some idiots are going around saying it was _Yondaime-sama_ that got him! Such stupidity, right?"

Maki froze, before nodding along. "Totally stupid."

" _Exactly_. It was so obviously those blasted Uchiha—"

But Maki had stopped listening. Of course the Yondaime was behind this!

 _I'll bet he was even behind the Boiling Rain,_ she thought vindictively. _Power clearly went to his head._

Another seed against the Yondaime was planted in Shimura Danzou's garden.

* * *

Namikaze Minato was perusing one of the hundreds of reports that required his immediate attention.

There were the immediate problems—Lamb (as Kakashi had taken to calling him), Orochimaru, Sandaime-sama's coma, ROOT, Kushina's recovery, mission allocation, reassuring the Daimyo that Konoha could still manage the typical mission haul, maintaining the spy network's information intake so that they weren't taken advantage of internationally, and the shinobi number deficit they were suffering from, both with the Boiling Rain casualties and the genin exam 100% failure.

Then there were the mid-serious problems—the hospital budget, paying the construction workers, fiddling with the entire economic system to figure out exactly how much money they owed the Daimyo and other outside parties, and getting the clans to finally agree to create a workable system for the orphans that wasn't simply 'ship them into apartments and let them figure it out'.

Then there were the lesser issues—getting a department under the civilian jurisdiction for domestic violence opened up, improve psyche evaluations, vet the Sealing Corps in the monthly evaluation he still hadn't gotten around to because that was supposed to be Kushina's job and _dammit she couldn't do it these past five months_ , replacing all the dead shinobi's positions, sign off on the rest of the monetary compensations the newest fatalities' families were owed, figure out how he was going to mitigate the Hyuuga-Inuzuka tensions and Uchiha-Village tensions that had upsurged recently, for some bizarre reason…

There was far too much to do, and far too little time to do it.

There were his personal problems as well, of course, and he just didn't have _time_. Something needed to be done about Obito, both with his mental state and also his shinobi status.

Because he wasn't, of course. Obito _couldn't_ be classed as a shinobi anymore, and yet he was being paid as if he were still an active duty member on sick leave. He _wasn't_ though. Rin had made it perfectly clear that it was impossible for him to ever attempt a mission without an entire contingent of medics and/or at least two people basically carrying him.

And then there was the Kakashi issue ( _Kami-sama_ , he thought nostalgically with a wry smile, _there's always been a Kakashi issue in my life, ever since I turned seventeen…_ ) and how he _really_ needed to get around to having a proper talk with him and his dwindling sanity levels.

Rin was overworked as well, and it was taking a toll on her social life, leading to zombie-Rin, the likes of which he hadn't seen since Hagane-sensei on the field at the Shobosho bloodbath.

He hadn't held Naruto in almost seven weeks.

The Akimichi were on his case about the Harvest Festival, which was basically the most impractical and _necessary dammit because morale needs a boost and the orphans need a jolt of hope_ endeavour he'd ever had to find funds for.

He was glad Kushina was getting better every day, but he needed to talk to her about the whole Mikoto-leaving-their-house-and-making-her-fend-for-herself situation. He also, incidentally, needed to get around to thanking Mikoto for helping Kushina, even if she would have done it anyway, and then get her to give him a psyche eval on Kushina.

He rubbed his eyes and reminded himself that yes, he was sleepy, and yes, he hadn't slept for more than three hours at a time for more than five months, but he _couldn't_ go to sleep for longer, because the world didn't just pause while he was in bed.

 _Bed_.

Kami-sama, he hadn't even been _in_ it in the last…Minato couldn't even remember how long.

Maybe three months?

He'd love to let some things go, like the ROOT problem and the cause-of-the-Boiling-Rain problem, and who was trying to assassinate him nearly every three weeks (he was thinking it was more than one party, actually, otherwise they wouldn't be so frequent about it— _gah, stop thinking about it! You're supposed to be focusing on the food shortage in the Northern District!)_

But he couldn't do that, because letting those things go had stopped being an option the minute he chose to take the hat and promise to protect everyone.

He'd already set the ball rolling, and now it was his job to ensure friction didn't stop it from landing in the hole.

 _Danzou's already tried to recruit Lamb_ , Minato thought, straightening his posture and hearing his spine crack. _I can't afford to back out from this, not so far into the game._

He brought another piece of paper towards him, wishing that _everything_ didn't have to be imperative.

Wishing that at least some of his workload could be shared, but he _couldn't_ do that if he didn't even trust his own ANBU. Kami-sama, the sooner the Danzou problem was sorted, the sooner the hospital finally got that blasted expansion, the sooner the interclan tensions smoothed out, the sooner the construction work was completed…

Naruto would be a teenager by then. He'll have missed everything by then.

Minato loved his job.

That didn't mean he didn't hate it sometimes.

He wiped a tear rolling silently down his face. _I want to cry_ , he thought quietly, almost afraid someone could hear his thoughts. _I want a hug. I want to be a kid again._

 _I want to go home._

* * *

Lamb had recently found out from the kitty-masked person that he had been outside the secret lab for nearly six months now. Apparently, he'd been so weak that he hadn't woken up properly for nearly a month, and then the physiotherapy had taken him another two months before they'd discharged him.

"Isn't that wonderful?" Togari-sensei asked him, watering the lone daffodil in the vase on his scuffed kitchen counter. "You've managed to live on y-your own for three months now!"

Lamb nodded, feeling very grateful for the almost-incompetent medic, who came to check up on him almost every single day. He didn't know _what_ to do with his life.

Woof had invaded his home just once in the last three months, telling him that the Hokage was seeing about enrolling him into the academy soon, but that had yet to happen.

In fact, barring a physical and mental evaluation, as well as a sheet filled out with his details and anything he might remember, Lamb had been left mostly alone.

He…he turned to look at the mirror on the wall and looked at his own black eyes, shoulder-length brown hair and pale skin.

He was actually kind of enjoying the freedom of having no one dictating his time.

He didn't even have to pay the rent. He was literally living off the state, and for that, he was…

It was very freeing, being lazy. He quite liked it.

Of course, he still had to go out and do the regular upkeep, like cooking (getting takeaway), cleaning (or leaving everything till just before Togari-sensei showed up, and then rapidly filling the unused bin with everything he could get his hands on), and, of course, shopping.

Which involved _people_.

Lamb hadn't gotten any better with people, _that_ was for sure.

Togari-sensei said he had to try, but even she looked scared of the _people_ , so he felt that this was entirely normal. He put off _people_ -ing a lot, and his pantry and other supplies always suffered for it. That didn't, however, mean he was going to change anything.

Also, he was lazy.

Lazy was nice. Lazy meant he didn't have to do any work, and there wasn't exactly anyone to _tell_ him to do it.

Well, no one except Togari-sensei, who didn't really know how to control _herself_ , let alone someone else.

"Lamb-kun," Togari-sensei said, "have you been having nightmares again?"

He didn't like his name, now that he'd heard it enough times. But he didn't really know how to go about changing it. "Yes," he responded, still not used to the idea of lying, unable to not answer straightforwardly.

She bit her lip in anxiousness. "D-Do you want to talk about it?"

Lamb thought about this. "It isn't any different from the previous time," he said. "I don't see why."

Togari-sensei nodded hastily. _(I'm not supposed to agree with him_ , she thought hysterically, _I'm in charge of his health! Hokage-sama himself sent the missive out for the hospital to give Lamb a personal caretaker, and Hagane-sensei volunteered me himself, and I'm doing a terrible job! Hagane-sensei's going to yell so badly!)_

Lamb didn't know the internal distress he was causing Togari-sensei. Lamb was just content figuring out his own life in peace.

It was a nice life.

* * *

Danzou gnashed his teeth harder.

That Minato brat!

Who told him to have such an untarnished reputation!?

Any people he'd turned against the Yondaime were keeping mum about it, and that was _not the plan!_

Danzou reigned in his temper with great difficulty.

At least, with Hiruzen having already been stoking the flames against the Uchiha and Inuzuka, his coma had lent credence to his irrational words.

At least…

Blast the brat's luck!

Wait…what if he tried a different angle? Instead of blaming the coma on the Yondaime, why didn't he…

Turn his luck against him? Make people believe the upstart was unlucky, that all the bad things were happening _because_ he was Hokage?

A tingle ran down his spine. That only happened when he hit a good idea.

He called Sarutobi Hideko, codename Mii, and ordered the change in rumours she was to spread, along with the rest of her team.

If _this_ didn't squash the brat…

* * *

It's my birthday today.

Do you know what this means?

"Aki-senpai, people are staring," Shisui-chan deigned to inform me.

"Let them," I said, grin stretching widely on my face as I continued skipping down the street. "Nothing's going to keep me down!"

It was a bright, early day on April the ninth, a day shy of six months since the Boiling Rain, and it's my birthday, which means that I can finally, _finally_ get my naginata instructor!

I can learn how to stabby-stabby with pointy-pointy!

I mean, yes, granted, there was the stupid rumour that Minato-sama had put Sandaime-sama in a coma (pfft, idiots!) but I'd quickly rectified _that_ stupidity.

There wasn't even all that much effort on my part; all my minions were already fans, and they flamed the raging fire against that stupidity.

STUPID!

 _How_ did anyone come up with that?!

Ahem. Let's think about something else. Like, oh, the reason why I was happy in the first place.

My fourth year of schooling began eight days ago, after the Harvest Festival went off without a hitch (I don't know how Minato-sama does it, but he is bae. Kushina-ba-chan told me hasn't been home at all for almost eight weeks now. Sleep-deprivation levels must be skyrocketing).

Shisui-chan, Itachi-touto and I were making our way to Tetsuhane Weapon Shop, where I'd placed the order for a new, customised naginata, this time with the Dragon of Autumn wrapping around a tiger, because yay symbolism, engraved in blood-red, two weeks ago.

I opened the door to the shop, the smell of metal and polish assaulting my senses in a heady wave. "Good morning, Ken-san!" I chirped, practically bouncing towards him. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

Ken-san grunted, yanking a blunted kunai out of his two year old daughter's stubborn fist. "Depends on your definition. I'll get your naginata in a second. Tenten-chan, _no_."

Tenten-tan stared at him petulantly with a pout and narrowed doe-brown eyes. "Gimme!"

Ken-san ignored her demands and picked her up, taking her to the back of the store and bringing out _my naginata_!

"Try not to get it vaporised this time, Chibi-hime," he drawled, pulling Tenten-tan away from the shiny spears.

I squealed, gripping my shiny black naginata, a wicked blade glinting at the top, with a stylised dragon and tiger weaving at the hilt. I hugged the staff part to myself, jumping up and down. "Thank you, Ken-san!"

He was about to say something, but then he saw that Tenten-tan was trying to shove a nodachi into her mouth, so he quickly went to avert that crisis.

"You still have to find a naginata expert," Shisui-chan pointed out, trying his best to rain on my parade. "It took me two weeks to find anyone with a kabutowari expertise, and then another five to find someone willing to teach me."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

Nothing can bring me down today!

* * *

It was dark in the room.

Obito had drawn the dark curtains across the window, and there was no source of light.

Even then, the carving knife in his hand glinted silver, silent and deadly.

Obito was contemplating existence, and mistakes, and dreams. He was contemplating life and love, and how sometimes, they weren't worth it.

Sometimes, living wasn't worth it.

He was useless to the world now, with a barely functioning body and barely tolerable chatter. When he let himself think about it, he could see the irritation overpowering the love in Rin's eyes whenever she looked at him.

He was making her bitterer. How do you turn sugar into salt? How do you turn Rin into an old woman?

When he let himself think about it, he could see that Kakashi actually had to talk himself into staying longer whenever he launched into an existential spiel.

Wasn't Kakashi his friend? Why couldn't he be a _good_ thing instead of an obligation? Friends shouldn't be chores, and yet here he was, being the worst friend _ever_.

When he let himself think about it, he realised that he wasn't just festering. He was _moulding_ , shrinking into himself, and no amount of visits from Aki-hime or Kushina-nee-chan were going to change the fact that he felt more useless than a mildewed corpse.

He was taking up room, taking up time, taking up effort that people, if they weren't so kind, would know shouldn't be used on him. Why didn't people live their own lives and stop making him feel guilty?

Unbidden (it was always unbidden), the thought strayed into his head again.

 _I should've died with the rocks._

Maybe then the world would be a better place. Maybe then, he'd stop wasting other people's time. Maybe then, Rin would smile like she used to. Maybe then, the aching would stop.

Maybe then, he would be whole again.

He slid the edge of the carving knife lightly against his skin, leaving a faint trickle of blood.

He hadn't cut too deeply. It was more like a paper cut. He'd put no pressure on the knife. His grandmother must have sharpened it recently.

Obito took a deep breath, and immediately, he remembered why he didn't do that kind of thing. Pain lanced through his sides and his chest, stabbing him with white-hot pins and making him wish he'd died.

 _I wish I'd died with the rocks._

He could rectify the world's mistake. All he had to do was put more pressure on the knife.

Just a little bit, and all this _thinking_ would stop.

 _I don't want to die_ , he sometimes thought, but that always felt like he was forcing himself to think like that. Like it was a younger, more whole version of himself repeating a refrain from his happier, infinitely happier past.

Maybe he _would_ stab himself.

He was alone in the dark. His grandmother was napping in the other room, and she wouldn't be able to interfere. Rin wouldn't be home for another five hours at least, and Kakashi had already visited today. Mikoto-sama, Aki-hime and Kushina-ba-chan weren't due for another week. No one would stop him.

He wondered, morbidly, how Kakashi would take another suicide.

Probably not very well, he thought, and almost pulled the knife away.

But then…

Did it matter what others felt? If no one _else_ put his problems first, at least _he_ should, right?

And if he only thought about himself, he knew he needed to die.

He was unhealthy, and it wasn't just his physical state.

Knowing it, though, didn't mean he could fix it.

An ominous thud in the house broke him out of his thoughts.

* * *

Team Fuu had finally completed their mission.

They had successfully extracted Yakushi Nonou from Iwagakure no Sato.

They would be returning home at first light tomorrow.

* * *

Rin was washing her hands after a discectomy when a wave of intense longing hit her completely out of nowhere.

She missed Obito so much that her gut _jolted._ She wanted to see his smile, hear his voice, feel his arm around her, feel his rough hot lips on hers…

But then Sensible Rin suppressed that feeling, and Rin sighed. She left the theatre and headed towards her office where she kept the case files for her next patient. Hopefully, there'd be an anpan or something she could grab and eat before she went to check up on them.

But even as she walked down the corridor, her longing trickled into her limbs. She wanted to run all the way back home and launch herself at him, she wanted to…

Kami-sama, she was hearing his voice in her _head_. Rin hadn't _ever_ had it this bad before.

But there the voice was, yelling something indistinctly. He used to always yell, she remembered fondly, a smile playing on her lips.

But then her heart panged when she remembered he hadn't been that animated for a long time. A whole _year_ , in fact.

It couldn't possibly be him, no matter how much she wanted it to be.

And yet, his voice carried her all the way to her office, like her own personal talisman against evil.

* * *

"Look lady," yelled Obito, crutch clutched tightly in his functioning hand. "I don't care who the _fuck_ you think you are—"

"Please, sir, calm yourself," the medic said. "There's no need to be irrational. You're clearly suffering from a delusional episode and—"

"Oh, for FUCKSSAKE! I'M NOT A BLOODY PATIENT, YOU MISERABLE COW!" he screamed, lunging towards her, patience running thin and dry.

The crowd that had gathered to see the showdown, between a psychiatric patient who seemed to be having some sort of psychotic episode and one of the 'brain' specialists, gasped, and two shinobi came out to restrain him. "Hey, I don't want to hit you, but you can't attack—"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT _UP!"_

Obito was nearly insensate with his anger and desperation, and all these morons were treating him like he'd escaped from the psychiatric ward!

"—YOU FUCKWADS! YOU'RE JUST STANDING HERE—"

But his voice was drowned by the crowds of people and the medic who wouldn't _listen_ to him and the idiots who were restraining him were talking over him, and _kami-sama preserve him because they weren't_ **listening** —

He broke out of the two shinobi's hold and punched the medic square in the jaw, cracking it, and then punched her again and again and again and—

* * *

I was grinning happily, spreading the bedsheets on Okaa-san and Otou-san's bed, singing Be Prepared at the top of my lungs, much to Sa-chan's disgruntlement.

It wasn't my fault his ankles were tied to the bed's leg. If he hadn't taken to crawling away from me, squealing happily the little hellion, every time I turned around, I wouldn't have had to do it.

Some brownie points were sacrificed. They will be missed.

" _Be king undisputed; respected, saluted; and seen for the wonder I am~! Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared! Beeeee prepaaaa_ —Shisui-chan?" I stopped mid-awesomeness ft. Jeremy Irons as he barged into the room looking agitated.

"Aki-senpai," he said, gasping for breath, "I was on my way over when I heard the Uchiha Elders talking about Obito-san being dragged to the Basement."

My mind went white as I dropped the sheets and ran, ran as fast as my legs could carry me, to the hospital to get Rin-chan.

I just hope I'm fast enough.

* * *

Shisui was having a dilemma.

Aki-senpai had just run out of the room, long strands of hair flying behind her like a rippling river of black ink, and he wanted very badly to follow her to make sure she didn't accidentally get into trouble.

But, on the other hand, he didn't know how long they'd be, and Sasu-chan couldn't be left on his own like this.

With a sigh, he quickly untied a sulking baby who immediately tried to crawl away, and carried him kicking and screaming (he _really_ didn't like Shisui, for some reason) to Koki-chan's house, where he was fairly certain Itachi-chama was at this time.

On the way, he saw some Uchiha agitated (and he pegged these ones as those who knew what was going on with Obito-san) but most of the others were either muttering under their breath about nagging wives and stupid sawdust-filled rooms (Shisui knew the feels), or going about their work with slightly more grace.

He wound his way with great difficulty (why couldn't Sasu-chan just _hold_ _still?_ ) to Koki-chan's small house, nudging open the door with his toes (his hands were reluctantly occupied).

He walked to the open living room, where Itachi-chama and Koki-chan were silently working together. Itachi-chama was perched on the only stool, swinging his legs childishly as he did his poison homework while Koki-chan was sitting on the bare floor, carving something that looked like a miniature crow.

"Shisui-nii-san?" Itachi-chama asked, blinking up at him.

"Aniki!" Sasu-chan squealed, wriggling in Shisui's arms with greater aplomb.

Shisui wordlessly dumped Sasu-chan in Itachi-chama's lap and grinned, giving him a thumbs up and leaving.

He had an Aki-senpai to find, and he knew he would; he'd developed a sixth sense by this point.

But first, he needed to find out more information about Obito-san being taken to T&I, because Aki-senpai would probably forget.

They were like a well-oiled machine by this point.

* * *

It took a while to extract her from the hospital, what with Rin-chan doing _far_ more work than is entirely healthy, and finding a replacement is ridiculously hard _anyway_ , even without that added pressure.

Plus, when I'd gotten there, she was in the middle of a surgery, so that delayed things, but now that we're racing off to T&I, I wish I'd done some more research about this.

I mean, it could've just been chitchat, right? And Shisui-chan had said _being dragged_ , not _already at_. What if he wasn't there yet? What if we were too late?

See, _this_ is why I need a Shisui-chan. He's probably taken Sa-chan to Itachi-touto by now and—ah, there he is.

"What took you so long?" I asked, coming to a stop. Rin-chan stopped too, trying to catch her breath. She needs to get out more.

Shisui-chan gave me a crooked grin that brightened up my day, and pointed behind us. "Figuring out the story and, well, Obito-san's being taken _to_ T &I…"

I turned around to see Obito-kun struggling against ANBU as Otou-san and the masked wraiths argued loudly for everyone to hear.

This is bad. This is _ridiculously_ public.

"…from the KMPF," he finished grimly.

Otou-san's voice carried to where we were standing. "—have _no_ right to take our case! This is under our jurisdiction!"

"This is a case between two shinobi, and as such, it falls under subsection F of rule—"

"Don't quote the rulebook at us!" yelled an incensed Yashiro-jii-san. "We're perfectly aware of the rules, and as this is between a non-active shinobi and medic, it _does_ fall under our—"

Actually, it doesn't entirely.

I exchanged a glance with Shisui-chan and got the confirmation I was looking for. Medic-nin are always a grey area, because only those that have been battlefield-tested can be clearly labelled as shinobi. The rest are _technically_ classed as civilians, but because they actively manipulate chakra and are treated as shinobi during an internal crisis, they are also _technically_ classed as shinobi too.

And non-active shinobi _are_ still under ANBU jurisdiction, but it depends on the circumstances of the case. ANBU deal with traitorous behaviour and Hokage-related ish, while Uchiha deal with interpersonal affairs, usually between civilians and shinobi.

In short, unless Obito-kun's murdered somebody important, the ANBU shouldn't be involved, and even then that's stretching it, unless he's killed a foreign diplomat.

But of course, _you_ try telling that to "adrenaline junkies with an inflated sense of importance" (Uchiha really don't like the ANBU, I've found) and get actual results.

"What did Obito-kun even do?" I asked as Rin-chan gasped at Obito-kun's muzzled form.

And yeah, they'd _muzzled him_. I was about ready to see red, actually, so someone had better start doing some explaining before I do something I regret.

Shisui-chan obliged with the information. "He attacked a medic so bad, she had to be admitted in intensive care."

My eyes widened in horror. Obito-kun snapped?

…I guess the signs _were_ there, but that's just—still doesn't justify muzzling him up like an _animal_.

Rin-chan marched up to the ANBU and tapped him smartly, effectively distracting them from their useless yelling.

"I'm his personal medic and next of kin," Rin-chan said firmly, in her I'm-a-medic-so-shut-the-fuck-up tone. "And I'm going to have to ask you to unhand him as you're agitating his injuries, ANBU-san."

Instead of calming down, Obito-kun got even _more_ riled up and started snarling and struggling even harder.

He yanked at his still-functional arm, trying to get his muzzle off.

"I'll come with you to the Basement," Rin-chan said calmly, though the clenched fist at her side showed she was beyond angry at what she was seeing.

But then Obito-kun did something I would never have expected him to do, in _any_ world.

He wrenched his foot out of their hold and kicked Rin-chan viciously in the stomach.

Immediately, the ANBU were about to knock him out as Rin-chan flumped to the ground, and I could already _feel_ the bruise forming as she gasped for breath.

"Stop!" I yelled reflexively, knowing there was a reason for why Obito-kun had just done what he'd done. "I think I see a dancing flamingo in the distance, mayhap with wings!"

Several of the crowd actually did turn to see where I was pointing (I'd started weaving a genjutsu of a pink blob falling from the sky, and no one could pretend I'd been lying), and this momentarily distracted _everyone_ except Obito-kun and Shisui-chan, the latter of whom used the distraction like I'd meant him to and got one of the ANBU to unmuzzle Obito-kun.

The minute it came off, the ANBU broke out of the genjutsu, but I immediately caught him in another one as soon as he shook Shisui-chan's off, latching onto his network seamlessly and making him believe he'd meant to unmuzzle Obito-kun all along.

Obito-kun, on the other hand, words now unleashed and everybody else relatively distracted and quiet, _screamed_ at Rin-chan. _"Get to the house NOW, baa-chan's dying, I can't carry her to the hospital—no one fucking_ _ **listens!**_ **"**

It took a second for Rin-chan to comprehend his words, and then she just ran, leaving the scene filled with confusion and Obito-kun's ragged panting.

Another ANBU had arrived in my distraction, Wolf, and he just took Obito-kun without preamble and shunshin-ed away.

"You can't just—"

"Where do you get off—"

The rest followed completely unrepentantly, unmindful of the KMPF protests.

Here's to hoping it's not to T&I.

"Shisui-chan," I said.

He nodded, and we both attempted damage control with the horrified and confused crowd, as well as the ruffled KMPF officials.

As soon as we're done with this, we're heading to Rin-chan's apartment.

I hope Obaa-san's okay...

* * *

Minato was just reading over the missive that had informed him of Yakushi Nonou's successful extraction and was wondering how and when he should break the news to his young ROOT spy, when Wolf came into his office with a slumped Obito in his arms.

"Report," Minato commanded, eyes not leaving Obito's defeated posture.

"Uchiha Obito, shinobi number 010886, chuunin, 16, assaulted and hospitalised Ikamura Hokori, medic, 45, after attempted sedation due to his verbal abuse against staff and patients."

Minato figured maybe that talk with Obito was due, if he'd already begun showing the advanced stages of snapping.

Obito seemed to sink into himself silently, face paling and eyes glazing over.

"I see," he said calmly. "Dismissed."

Wolf, Kakashi, almost seemed to want to mutiny, but he, much to Minato's relief, deferred to his sensei's authority and left with one last worriedly glance.

(A combination of ingrained habits, an unswerving trust in his sensei of over ten years, and the rather glaring issue of his being too emotionally awkward to know what to do in this situation sent him out the door.)

(Kakashi wasn't good at _people_ -ing.)

(He was trying though, really he was.)

* * *

Obito's brain was flashing red and white and black, from anger to blissful numbness to panic to despair, flitting like a hummingbird between radioactive pools of honey-sweet nectar, sucking on blistered red flesh.

He couldn't _breathe_. His lungs were choking. He was _drowning in air_. His lungs couldn't hold that much, and he was bursting.

She'd been with him every step of the way, from the minute he'd grabbed onto his crib bars and squirmed his way out all the way till he'd been a depressed muppet trying to sort his life out.

All he'd done was cause her stress, and he hadn't even had a proper conversation with her in _months_ and he hadn't even looked her in the eye since his accident and she loved him and he—

It _hurt_.

She'd let him cry on her shirt at the funeral of his parents, who'd never given him the time of day, patiently sat through his rebellious phase of hating everyone including her, taught him to pray and swim and weave genjutsu. Grandma held his back straight as he stood up to bullies three times his size with a smile, who gave him the courage to be kind in this cruel world.

And now she was probably dead, because Obito was so _useless_.

"Obito," a gentle voice urged him, piercing through the cloud of _agony_ , "Can you tell me what happened at the hospital?"

He couldn't seem to find his throat anymore, and he felt like he'd been screaming so long that all voice had been stolen from him, but a detached part of him, the reflexive part of him, latched on to sensei's voice and answered.

Because when the world made no sense, Rin had once said, at least Minato-sensei did.

 _I need help_ , a small part of Obito thought, but the rest of him, the parts filled with pride and strength and I've-been-shut-down-too-many-times-to-believe-you-care-about-what's-going-on-inside shut him up.

Slowly, his brain caught up with his words, and he realised that maybe, maybe if he hadn't been in such a fucked up frame of mind, he'd have been calmer, and maybe he wouldn't have caused such a scene. Maybe the medic wouldn't have thought, from his huffing and panting and inarticulateness, that he had escaped from the psychiatric ward and he had dreamed about this 'grandma'. Maybe he would have been able to answer her snobbishly asked questions without blinking blankly at her and wondering why she was wasting time, even though she hadn't known why it was so imperative she come with him.

Maybe he shouldn't have asked her to come _with him_ , and rather ought to have said that his grandma had collapsed and wouldn't get up, and could she actually _do_ something about that instead of interrogate him like he was a naughty academy student.

 _Great_ , he snarled mentally, _another reason to hate myself._

 _"_ I-I was at home, and then I heard something fall in one of the rooms, and I got up to go check it out," his words spilled out haltingly. Seeing Minato-sensei listening attentively and not looking at him like he'd lost his mind - _fuck_ that medic! - emboldened Obito, and he continued.

"B-Baa-chan had fallen off the bed and she wasn't moving, and I thought I gotta take her to the hospital, but my leg's...and I can't really move my hand enough to pick a cup, let alone a _person_ , and so I went to the hospital and that crazy medic thought I'd escaped from the psycho ward, and she tried making it out to be like I'd lost my mind, so I-I lost it, sensei, and I didn't mean to, it just _happened_ , and then the ANBU came and got me and I thought they'd at least _ask_ , but they just slapped on a muzzle and started draggin' me to T&I and I'd already wasted so much _time_ 'cause I can't walk really fast _anyway_ and the pain was getting worse, and I wasn't thinking straight and-and - "

* * *

"—and it'll be my fault if she's dead, sensei..."

At some point during his verbal diarrhoea, Obito had started sobbing hysterically, and his hands had started shaking.

Minato had more work to do, so much more work.

He hadn't been home, and he hadn't even eaten anything since five am this morning. He'd had one cup of coffee in the last nine hours and it was rolling around uneasily at the base of his stomach, and he still couldn't _afford_ to take a break.

He got off his chair and pulled Obito into a warm, tight hug (mindful of his wounds), just like the first time Obito'd opened up to him about his feelings of inadequacy about being the 'normal' one in the team of geniuses.

Just like he faintly remembered his father doing for him, way before any of this shinobi drama that had consumed and defined his life.

Back when life was something simple.

He cradled Obito like the child that he was, no matter how tall and moody he'd become, and carried him all the way to his apartment at the fastest speed he could muster.

(He would've used hiraishin, except coffee, insane levels of sleep-deprivation, damaged body parts and emotional investment didn't go well together with his space-time manipulation.)

(And maybe he just really needed human contact.)

(He was pathetic, and very aware of it, thank you very much.)

* * *

Rin let her chakra flicker out.

The darkened curtains fit the mood really well, all things considered.

She waited for the sobs to erupt out of her, but it was like she was empty.

She was too late.

Grandma, who wasn't really Rin's grandma but might as well have been, was dead.

A heart attack, she repeated in her mind, trying to make it more real.

She supposed it still hadn't sunk in.

The woman who had teased her about popping out grandkids since she was seven and had first met Obito, the woman who had so easily accepted Rin into a family she'd never belonged to but wanted to anyway, the woman who had reassured her time and time again that she shouldn't stress out so much for Obito because she was home, and all he had to do was wake her up if he got lonely…

That woman was dead.

Gone. Non-existent.

She heard the door click open and the window crack open simultaneously, but her hands were steady even though they should be trembling, and her face was dry even though she ought to be crying.

She was _exhausted_.

It still hadn't sunk in.

She had to be back at the hospital in half an hour; Kirimi-sensei couldn't hold down the fort on her own for too long.

Grandma looked so tiny and frail, soft orchid petal skin cold to the touch and butterfly light, sinking into itself in front of Rin's eyes.

A halo of blond hair caught the periphery of her eye and she let it slide away from the too thin face of the woman that had somehow seemed eternal, to see Minato-sensei coming through the window, Obito on his back, both harried and tense.

"I'm sorry, Obito-kun," she said quietly, and maybe now it was sinking in. "I was too late."

Obito blinked at her a couple of times, as though her words hadn't penetrated his skull, and Rin didn't even realise the shadows under his eyes had darkened so much in the last few busy-beehive months, or that he looked so gaunt and frighteningly mad.

With a _jolt_ , she realised she'd failed the two most important people in her life in one fell swoop, and now one was dead and the other would never forgive her for it.

"B-Baa-chan…" his voice choked on itself, and he bit his tongue till it bled, and his lone functioning eye shook with restrained emotion, and suddenly, all that frazzling energy, all that lancing rage, just…died.

First one sob escaped, and then the next, and then he was crying so loudly it was like the world had ended and he was the only man alive, and Rin had never seen him like this before.

Her own strangled cries melded with his, and the tears finally fell.

Two children filled buckets as one woman sang her soul to rest.

* * *

I was unwinding the light scarf around my neck when I heard the first choked sob, and then I _knew_.

So Rin-chan was too late, and Obito-kun's Obaa-san was dead.

My lips began trembling, and I felt so _sorry_ for Obito-kun, so _much_. He didn't deserve this at all, not after suffering so much already.

Shisui-chan hugged me as I shuddered away the tears, and I sank into the hug for a lot longer than I ostensibly should have, considering how not-so-well I knew Obito's Obaa-san.

That didn't mean I didn't love her anyway; she was _family_ , and more importantly, she was _Obito-kun's_ precious person.

"You know," Shisui-chan said into my hair. It was strangely calming. "Chocolate makes everything better."

I broke away from the hug and headed for the kitchen, looking for supplies to make hot chocolate and blueberry muffins, the latter of which I'd promised Shisui-chan I'd make for him when I had access to a stove.

Ticking things off a checklist.

"Well, we're in need of supplies," I informed him, uncovering the butter dish and realising that Rin-chan's kitchen was severely understocked.

Shisui-chan grabbed a pencil and paper and jotted down the ingredients I rattled off, before saluting and heading out to forage for supplies in the deep unknown.

I put a saucepan on the stove and started heating up the milk, stirring sugar into it as I went along.

In about fifteen minutes, Shisui-chan had returned with everything on the checklist with a winking grin on his face, and if it wasn't such a sombre occasion, this would be a lovely memory to cherish.

He lifted himself onto the counter and swung his legs back and forth as he watched me mix random ingredients from long-faded memories, and then I scraped the bottom of the bowl for the last of the batter.

By the time I'd put everything in the oven and let the hot chocolate simmer, and stopped Shisui-chan's greedy fingers from dipping into the batter for the eighteenth time with a swat, the sobbing and heartbroken screaming had subsided.

Shisui-chan and I sat quietly in the kitchen, and at first it was a solemn silence, and then suddenly he flicked a kunai at me, and I caught it with a twirl instinctively. I threw it back at him, and we played the back and forth kunai-throwing game, making the catches and throws more and more elaborate until the timer went off.

This was insanely disrespectful.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I _can't_ seem to stay sad, and especially not with Shisui-chan grinning at me like that.

You know what? I think it's people—I think it's _people_ that keep me from being sad.

I love people-ing.

I pulled the muffins out of the oven, and they smelt divine, in all their warm-winter glory. I swatted Shisui-chan's grabbing hands away, and he pouted. "Go be useful and pour out the hot chocolate," I whispered to him, and he obliged, faking great reluctance.

I suppressed the budding giggle with a vengeance.

What is _wrong_ with me?!

Maybe I—

No, the minute I walked into the room and saw Obito-kun wrapped up in Minato-sensei's lap, tears falling uncontrollably even from his eyepatch, and Rin-chan's tired tear-streaked face staring at the wall, and Obaa-san's cold corpse, there was no trace of cheer or giggling in me.

I put the tray of blueberry muffins down and went over to Obito-kun, gently taking his too-scarred functional hand and placing one of them in it. He looked up at me slowly, mechanically, and I kissed his forehead, still holding the warm muffin for him in his slackened fingers.

"Sweets make everything better," I whispered quietly, and it was our thing, you know? He always brought me sweets and I always brought him sweets, and I was so afraid he was going to shut down so completely, and I wanted to take his pain away, would do _anything_ to get that hurt out of his system, and I was so sure he was going to turn away and reject me because I hadn't done _anything_ …

He stared at the muffin for a long while, and he looked so empty, so bereft, and he was the big brother I'd never known I needed, and I can't _lose_ him.

His grip tightened and then he stuffed the muffin in his mouth, tears dribbling down as he chipmunk-chewed.

Stillness broken, Shisui-chan handed everyone a hot chocolate, and I handed everyone a muffin, and I pulled Rin-chan into our little circle of warmth as I sat with my back against Obito-kun, just like I'd done when I was a two year old and he'd read me picture books.

Shisui-chan began humming the death prayer, and I let my voice join his, and I don't know how long it'll take for Obito-kun and Rin-chan to heal, and I don't even know if they _ever_ will.

But as Kakashi finally showed up and backed away from the huddle (Shisui-chan shunshin-ed behind his unguarded back and pushed him towards Minato-sama, so he wasn't getting out of this) and Shisui-chan dutifully gave him his own hot chocolate mug and muffin (I _knew_ he'd show up eventually, and it's not _my_ fault his hot chocolate was now lukewarm chocolate), I thought that maybe, just maybe…

Maybe they wouldn't heal, but scabbing would be just fine.

" _We burn your soul to ash,  
May the river take you to the hearth~  
Flicker with the embers and water the woe,  
She will dance with the never ending flame and come home~"_

* * *

Whizzing past the trees and occasionally flinging razor-sharp kunai at the oncoming pursuers, Kabuto realised he was nearing Hoboha, a small town near enough to Konoha that he needed to lose his trackers _now_.

He banked a sharp left, sliding past a well, and directly crashed into the window of a house.

He panted, dizzy from exhaustion and the stress of a prey, shifting into a defensive position. A blank white face shone back at him as he heard a woman gasp from behind a sofa.

Kabuto sent a quick prayer to whoever would listen to keep the civvies out of this; ROOT were stringent believers of acceptable collateral. He slid a kunai out of his holster and held it in front of his face defensively.

His hyperactive brain (too many soldier pills in quick succession, and he _knew_ it was a bad idea, but Kami-sama, what _else_ was he supposed to do? _Die?_ ) assessed his chances of success.

He wasn't a Nara, but he was fairly certain that he didn't need to be a genius to know he was screwed.

Distraction, quick.

"Shin," he said, naming one of the two only ANBU left out of the six that had started this. "As comrades, do we have to fight?"

Kabuto didn't care one whit for Shin, but he'd seen flashes of humanity in the boy who was nearly his age, and he was going to exploit it to hell. Kabuto never said he was nice.

Shin hesitated, and _bingo_ , Kabuto smirked beneath his mask. The other agent hesitated, before facing off against both Shin and Kabuto, as though it was now him versus them. (Kabuto thought it might have been Shin's partner, actually, though he'd never cared to keep track of names after he'd pumped their useful information out of them; they didn't deserve the courtesy of being treated like humans.)

Shin took a step back, faltering. "Gobu, I—"

Too late, because Gobu lunged at Shin, and Shin instinctively began fighting him. Kabuto could have taken this time to escape, except…if he got rid of them now, he could actually get some fucking _sleep_.

He waited, jittery, for an opening to exploit (ideally, he ought to get rid of Shin first, as he was the stronger of the two) and sure enough, Gobu managed to stab Shin in the skull, nearly straight through to his jaw.

Shin fell with a dull thump, his mask shattering as he fell face first in a puddle of his own blood, and Kabuto sliced through Gobu's unprotected vertebrae with a chakra scalpel, severing tendons and arteries with one quick _slish_ , and like a marionette finally freed, he tumbled to the ground.

Kabuto would've cleaned up the mess, but he was so dizzy he probably wouldn't be able to bend down without crashing _hard._

He tuned out the whimpering woman who was staring at him with wide eyes (he'd killed someone just like her, before he'd found a purpose again, for the sake of Danzou-sama. But Kabuto didn't like thinking about that time, so he repressed the fuck out of that shit) and leapt out the window.

As he streamed through the trees, he thought that maybe he could stay at Akito and Shisui-kun's tent, and maybe they could have a sleepover together.

The thought of home almost made his knees buckle, and with a rekindled fire, he chakra-hopped home.

* * *

 **OMAKE (for The Never Yielding Queen)  
Note: This, unlike the other 'requested' omake, is an actual in-world event.**

Akito had set off a chain reaction that had no control rods in sight.

She couldn't bring herself to regret it, and she probably wouldn't have, if she'd known the full extent of what she'd done.

Uchiha Akito may have just been a name to her, but to many different people, it meant many different things.

For example, when Yamanaka Irie's son battered her gimp-legged father nearly off his stool in his childish haste to get the door open. The boy hadn't even told her who he was inviting or _why_ it was so important she cook lots of good food.

With those stipulations, she'd prepared a simple meal and gone for the safe option of dango, because that's what kids liked, right?

How was she to know?

"Akito-nee-sama!" her son squealed in glee, blushing a bright red as a pretty porcelain girl with messy shoulder-length inky hair and glittering black eyes gracefully bowed to her.

"Good afternoon, Yamanaka-san," the child said with a beaming smile, complete with a dimple on her right cheek and a beauty mark under her left eye. "I've heard wonderful things about your cooking, and I thank you for inviting us to your home."

Irie couldn't stop gasping, and she blurted out, "You're the crazy Uchiha child!"

She simply smiled, not even missing a step, but her son—her _son_ , who thought she was better than _chocolate_ , for Kami-sama's sake!—reprimanded her with a childish glare. "Kaa-chan, you're being _rude_. Akito-nee-sama is _awesome_! She saved me from the croccy!"

Irie didn't even notice the Uchiha boy who ruffled her son's hair and teased him about losing limbs to the 'croccy'. She was too busy coming to terms with the fact that the crazy Uchiha child had, not only brainwashed her baby, but had also, somehow, _somehow_ , made Irie feel guilty for thinking bad things about her.

The evening progressed and it came out that, not only had 'Akito-nee-sama', who was, incidentally, three _years_ younger than her son, saved him from a crocodile, but she had also saved his failing taijutsu grade and impressed his sensei enough that he'd been offered an apprenticeship with the cipher corps.

Her son, who she hadn't thought was really clever enough for that, had somehow, under the Uchiha bratlings ministrations, been hard-polished into a shiny trophy.

Yamanaka Irie, now, swears up and down that she'd been an Uchiha supporter since day one.

Her circle of friends, curious and ready to shoot her down, 'suggested' that their own children or grandchildren or nephews or nieces, invite the Uchiha waste-girl (everyone _knew_ she wouldn't be named heiress—the Uchiha didn't operate like that) and her butler to their house, and suddenly, they'd been caught under the charismatic spell of 'Akito-nee-sama', or 'Akito-hime' or 'Aki-sama', who was not only unfailingly polite under even _Nara Gin's_ coal-raking interrogation, but also had, somehow, given their children hope and confidence in their own abilities, and a support network the likes of which had…

Well, had _never_ existed, not even from Senju Hashirama's time.

And it wasn't just Yamanaka Irie's son that had invited her to his house; Inuzuka Arima's nephew, Amegaya Ren's grandchildren, Aburame ( _Aburame)_ Fuji's daughter…

The list was endless, and they'd _all_ invited Akito to their house. Slowly, bit by bit, the invitations became less a scrutiny of the girl's motives, and more and more just fun rumour-gathering, or message-spreading, or playful tea-times, or helpful training sessions, or just plain psychiatric confessions for the mentally-ill-but-too-scared-to-bring-it-up.

It wouldn't, of course, have worked if she wasn't an Uchiha, because it was _because_ the Uchiha were so isolationist, so singularly _evil_ to the masses, that any niceness was considered suspect, and shinobi and their civilian villagemates were cat-curious by nature.

Suddenly, there was an entire social network spanning all the districts that had one thing in common: Uchiha Akito and her best friend.

Suddenly, from the stories of the mostly mysterious clan that she freely shared, adults and children alike became curious about… _them_.

It took far longer, many years longer, to warm up to certain shyly approachable Uchiha individuals than it took to fold into Akito-hime's beaming teatimes and storytelling, but…

Slowly but surely (it would take more than three decades, what with how many setbacks they suffered along the way), both people's perceptions of Uchiha, and the Uchiha _themselves_ were changing.

A chain reaction indeed.

* * *

 _So…anyone else forget last month was February? And that February has only 28 days? No? Just me then…whoops._

 _Thoughts on this chapter? ALSO, for those who are already raring to go (and there are several of you, if the reviews are anything to go by), I'm probably going to put up a poll by chapter 20 to ask you guys for potential pairings. However! The next few chapters are going to have a lot of character development, and I'm thinking of adding romantic confusion into the mix too, so give me YOUR ideal pairings, and I'll see what I can do, mkay? No promises, but hey, maybe you have an idea in mind that I hadn't even thought about, so who knows?_

 _Obito's…slightly messed up. A mixture of I-shouldn't-have-survived, I'm-wasting-away, thinking too much, and an already self-deprecating nature. Do you think I handled it alright? *nervously glances at the readers*_

 _Oh, and you know what's going to happen next, of course. Political backlash!_

 _Also, Emiko development! (What do you think of her? *blinking curiously*)_

 _Also, Lamb_ is _Tenzou. He just doesn't know that until his mission to...actually, what with how much I've changed, he might_ never _find out he's from the Iburi Clan..._

 _And Kabuto_ has _been busy. He's taken quite a big bite out of the ROOT forces. Hell hath no fury like a Kabuto double-crossed, as Danzou will soon find out._

 _To anyone triggered by the suicidal thoughts that Obito expressed: you're awesome, and I know no world where you not existing is a good thing. Keep flying, even if people (that includes the whispers in your head too) are trying to clip your wings, mkay?_


	19. Meliorating Machinations

_**'If people could hear what I was thinking, I'd be in a mental hospital.'**_

* * *

It was thundering overhead, a spring storm, and Sa-chan was yanking my hair and I was yanking it back, him giggling and me giving him the most wounded of glares.

We were in my newly finished room, with Itachi-touto lying on his stomach on my bed, reading a scroll on the nature of chakra, Shisui-chan meditating, and Sa-chan and I arguing.

"More!" he ordered imperiously.

"No!" I said firmly. "Bed time!"

He pouted indignantly, and bum-shuffled to turn around, facing his back towards me. "Bad Ane!"

Itachi-touto giggled into his fingers, and I reached out to flick his cheek. "Someone's not paying attention to his reading."

He grinned, forgetting to hide the fact that one of his milk teeth had fallen out. He's pretty self-conscious about it. "You two are being too loud."

Shisui-chan relaxed his muscles and stood up to stretch. "When are Mikoto-sama and Fugaku-sama coming home again?"

I shrugged. "They said around eleven, but they haven't gone out on a date for a while now. They'll probably be back later than that."

"I'm hungry," he informed me. "Are there any leftovers?"

I pursed my lips in contemplation. "I think there might be some rice and fish from this morning."

"I'll get it," Itachi-touto volunteered. "I've been in one position too long."

"Yum-yum?!" Sa-chan squealed, crawling speedily to Itachi-touto. "'niki, up!"

The minute the two of them left my room, I got up and flopped onto the bed.

"Tired?" Shisui-chan asked, touching his toes.

"You have _no_ idea," I replied. "Sa-chan is ridiculously demanding."

Shisui-chan hummed. "Well, maybe if you didn't spoil him so much…"

"Are you calling my baby brother a spoilt brat?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at the ceiling.

Amusement coloured his voice as he said nonchalantly, "If the shoe fits."

Curse you, Cinderella.

There was a tap on the window, followed by two more taps closer together.

"Kabuto!" I exclaimed, jumping off the bed and running to the window.

"Megane-chama?" Shisui-chan asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

Sure enough, I opened the door and, hair drenched and body clad in skin-tight black, Kabuto tiredly came in through the window.

"I'm home," he said breathily, nearly falling over in his valiant attempt to stay upright.

"Welcome home," I said, giving him a smile, when suddenly, so fast I didn't even realise, Shisui-chan ran into me with the force of a thousand freight trains and landed on top of us in a dog pile of warmth, cuddles, happiness and home.

I'm thinking what he was attempting was a group hug. Don't quote me on that though.

Shisui-chan was muffling laughter in my hair, Kabuto's shoulders slumped as he sighed in fond exasperation, and I started giggling.

"Shisui-kun, I can't _breathe_ ," Kabuto grumped from beneath Shisui-chan.

"Much woe," he replied, still choking on his laughter, his mouth brushing against my head. "Whatever can I do to help, Megane-chama?"

Instead of struggling further, Kabuto just gave up fighting, relaxing onto the ground under us.

"Why did I even come back?" Kabuto muttered in exasperation.

Shisui-chan ruffled his hair, still comfortably situated on top of us. "Who said you ever left?"

Even though it was meant for Kabuto…I've never felt more like I _belonged_ in my whole life.

It was a nice feeling.

* * *

When Kushina-ba-chan found out about Obito-kun's mental breakdown/the death of his obaa-san, she decided, in typical Kushina fashion, to move in.

I was doing my homework on the living room table as Obito-kun stared listlessly into the distance, bundled up on the sofa with his crutches leaning on the armrest, when the door burst open and a suitcase flew into the room, thwacking against the display cabinet and shattering a decorative porcelain cat statue onto the ground.

There was a moment of silence, and then another suitcase was lobbed into the room.

At this point, even Obito-kun had to react. "What in Kami-sama's name—"

"Heads up!" hollered Kushina-ba-chan, and I face-palmed.

A box of various breakables was chucked into the room, clanging against the table and hitting my toe.

Next came a baby bag, and then Minato-sama was flung into the room, a deadpanned expression on his face, and then Kushina-ba-chan marched in smugly, Naru-chan in a baby-sling snoozing deeply.

"I call dibs on the sofa!" she yelled, running into the kitchen. A few clangs later, she screamed, "Minato! We're going grocery shopping!"

Minato-sama sighed and rubbed his eyes, smiling tiredly at the two of us silent, confused spectators. "Sorry for the…invasion. Kushina wouldn't take no for an answer."

Obito opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, and I said, "I don't think she ever does."

Kushina-ba-chan hollered, "By we, I meant _you_ , Minato!"

"Coming Kushina," Minato-sama called back, pushing the largest suitcase to the side. "I have so much paperwork…"

I ran to the storage cupboard and retrieved the dustpan from under the disinfectant sprays. There was a 2 for 1 sale last Tuesday, and I believe Kakashi went overboard when Rin-chan said she needed cleaning supplies.

Semi-dysfunctional doesn't even _begin_ to cover that boy.

Obito-kun slumped back into the sofa as Minato-sama headed out the window to go get the mile-long list of groceries that Kushina-ba-chan was _still_ listing off. "—and baking powder, and potatoes, and nori, and wasabi, and sliced salmon, and—"

I began sweeping up the now-dead porcelain cat and then proceeded to dump it into the dustbin. Then I wandered into the kitchen and said, "Need me to take Naru-chan?"

I was originally going to ask her if she needed any help cooking, but it seemed that Kushina-ba-chan had decided to reorganise the whole kitchen, and was balancing three pans in one hand, a rolling pin in the other, a serving spoon in her mouth, and a cutting board with bell peppers on her head. She'd also decided to employ the use of her chakra chains to manhandle various bits of equipment that I was pretty sure Rin-chan had never used in her history of culinary exploits.

Kushina-ba-chan let out a muffled affirmative around the rolling pin, so I carefully danced around the suspended projectiles and lifted Naru-chan out of his baby sling. He reflexively took a fistful of my hair and began chewing on it in his sleep, getting it all slobbered-up.

He's lucky he's cute and we don't have to ration water – the number of showers I have to take because of these crazy babies is better left to the imagination.

And there are _plenty_ of babies I have to contend with. We've got Sa-chan, who doesn't know when to call it quits in the middle of the night (the word 'more' now gives me conniptions), Naru-chan, who has a death grip on _everything_ he gets his grubby paws on, and Ine-chan, who is like clockwork in her crying and screaming.

You'd think they'd grow out of it after a few months, but _no_. Why did I think I'd be that lucky?

Also, there's Tamaki, Nekobaa's granddaughter, whose father died three days ago. Something about not-being-able-to-physically-cope-without-his-wife.

I wasn't able to give Nekobaa's expletive-littered explanation my full attention because _somebody_ was yanking my hair and _others_ were trying to decapitate me in the process.

I never asked for the ninneko duo to train my reflexes. They never got the memo.

In other news, I still haven't found a naginata-user to even begin to ask them how to train me. Shisui-chan just looks smug about this, so I'm about a hairs-breadth away from strangling him.

In short, nothing new on that front.

I took Naru-chan to the living room and plopped him next to Obito-kun on the sofa, going back to my homework.

I've taken to spending at least an hour and a half every day with Obito-kun, but I can't do that without cutting some corners, so I've had to cut down on training, homework and helping-Teyaki-ji-san-at-the-Uchiha-Senbei time, which has led to a bucket load of guilt for letting my godfather take care of a child, run a business and clean up his house at his old age without any of my insane help, hasty scribbling, and being even later to the academy than usual.

Bunko-sensei doesn't approve, and if I wasn't Rookie of the Year for the third time in a row, I'd probably be getting a lot more flak for my inattention than I was.

"They're moving in?" Obito-kun asked hoarsely, his voice sounding like he'd been screaming in the night.

Which, fair enough, he probably had been.

I might have to ask Otou-san and Okaa-san whether I can have a sleepover during the weekend. I'm planning a pitfire with marshmallows in the dining room.

And no, there is no such thing as fire hazards when you're an Uchiha. Fire is _always_ awesome.

Yes, even if it's burning a hole in your rug.

But, as I've said before, sleepovers aren't a done thing in the Uchiha clan. But maybe they'll make an exception?

"So what's going on in the world?" Obito-kun asked, absentmindedly playing with Naru-chan's diddy-starfish fingers.

I bit my lower lip, wondering how I should break it to him that, in the three weeks since his…er…breakdown, shall we say, the village has kind of…

Blown the entire thing out of proportion?

Sandaime-sama's coma, the Boiling Rain, the scene Obito-kun created, both disrespecting the KMPF _and_ the ANBU, has kind of…

There are whisperings, subtle and insidious, that maybe Minato-sama's cursed. That maybe Yamagami had let misfortune crawl into his steps for the murders he committed on the plains of Iwa.

Now, majority of the population _hate_ the Mountain God, because of the lore behind the Battle of Yama to Hi, where the kami of the Hi no Kuni clans were locked in fierce battle against the Great Thunderer and Yamagami for over two thousand years in Heaven.

But that's a story for another day.

The point is, most people don't care. But…to be cursed by a Kami, no matter of which realm, kind of puts a target on Minato-sama's head, and everything bad will, and is, suddenly being attributed to him.

The resentment's already building up, and to those that don't put much stock into these things…well, there were some that saw Minato-sama carry Obito-kun piggyback to his apartment, and the situation kind of gets sticky from there.

Some claim Minato-sama is playing favourites by giving Obito-kun 'more attention than is necessary'; some people think Obito-kun should be locked up for hospitalising a well-respected medic, especially in these dire times when the need for medics is, as it always is, dire; some people believe that Obito-kun is the Uchiha clan's subtle way of undermining the authority of the ANBU.

Other people say that Obito-kun's already a disgrace, and now he's dragging the Yondaime into the dirt with him.

Obito-kun's reputation after Kannabi Bridge was bad enough. With this, his reputation has gone from jealous-of-the-Hatake-boy-haven't-you-heard?, so-selfish-he-left-his-girlfriend-to-die-did-you-hear?, and scandalising-because-did-you-know-he's-been-sleeping-with-Nohara-sensei?, to there-is-something-wrong-with-that-boy-you-mark-my-words, may-he-die-a-painful-death, maybe- _he's_ -behind-the-Boiling-Rain!, heard-he's-been-drugging-the-Yondaime, can't-be-trusted, and did-you-know-he's-already-killed- _five_ -medics-and-this-one'll-be-his-sixth?

But I can't tell him that.

His obaa-san's just died, Rin-chan's been avoiding him (and the minute I see her for more than five seconds, and she doesn't look like she's going to keel over from exhaustion, I'm going to sort this _stupid_ thing out, because it is _not_ healthy for either one of them), and, well…

I kind of get the feeling he doesn't think living is worth it anymore.

I mean, I guess I realised he was feeling down in the dumps for a while now, but after obaa-san, it's like he doesn't have any reason to even pretend he's not two words away from suicide.

Sometimes, when I see him like that, I wonder if the involuntary change I made was a good thing. Because if Madara had found him, at least he'd…he wouldn't be in _pain_ all the time.

Even after – Kami-sama, it's been nearly a year! A year, and his body still throbs with constant pain, and it spikes every time he moves more than minimal.

He has difficulty _laughing_.

"Aki-hime?" Obito-kun said, frowning in concern, leaning towards me and rubbing a tear out of my eyes. I hadn't even realised I'd been tearing up. "The world can't be _that_ bad."

I smiled, leaning into his callused, weary hand.

I guess there's no use really wondering, is there? Best to just come out and say it. Kushina-ba-chan's just put something in the frying pan and it's sizzling and sputtering.

"Do you regret being alive, Obito-kun?" I asked quietly.

He froze completely, _obviously_ , and now he's staring at the space between my forehead and the underworld, lost, unseeing and focused at the same time.

Oh. So he _does_.

Best fix that.

I shuffled onto the sofa next to him and brought him into a tight hug, carefully so that his bad side wouldn't hurt, and buried my face under his chin.

I was half his size, and my toes were cold, and Kushina-ba-chan was yelling at the chicken to _fry faster dammit!_

He was frozen, and his fingers were warm, and it was oh so quiet.

I took hold of his hands, forcing him to look at me.

"Because I don't regret you being alive," I said, tapping his eye-patch to get his attention. He didn't stir, though I could tell he was listening. "Sometimes, I close my eyes, and I can see the rocks smashing into you, and then I see you dying there alone. And sometimes, I think that maybe, maybe you'd be happier, if that was the end. You'd die a glorious death in battle, and people would sing your praises, and then we'd all move on with your memory in our hearts."

Obito-kun's always been quick to tear up, and this time was no exception.

I sat on his good knee, staring fiercely right at his eye. "But I would _never_ be okay again," I said furiously. "I would _always_ hurt. I'd never be able to look Rin-chan in the eye again, I would _hate_ Kakashi for not saving you, I would _resent_ Minato-sama for not being there, even if it's only a little part of me…"

Only when I said it did I realise it was true. Maybe my sincere denunciation of Minato-sama did the trick.

Obito-kun _really_ looked at me. "No you wouldn't," he said, trying to inject some good humour into this monologue. I was having none of that.

"You underestimate how much I love you, Obito-nii," I said, wide-eyed and fierce.

It was quiet, too quiet, but I didn't think about that. Every time my mind tried to slip into making plans for the academy student training thing I've been doing, or checking off the districts I've already scoured for a naginata sensei, or putting together my conversation starters for tomorrow's tea rounds, or wondering what exactly _is_ the function of a rubber duck, I pull it back and focus.

Tears quietly dripped down Obito-kun's face as he stared at me, sinking further and further into himself. "Th-that doesn't make any sense," he argued, stammering. "I-I mean, you think the sun shines out of sensei's ass!"

"That," I said frowning, "is borderline blasphemous. The sun shines out of his _smile_."

Obito-kun choked on his half-laugh. I gave his trembling hands a reassuring squeeze and smiled. "But you changed my diapers. I think that puts you above him on the VIP list, don't you think?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I almost…and if baa-chan hadn't, I would've…could've…"

I don't know what he was apologising for, but he looked like he needed a hug. So I gave him a hug.

I hugged him till he tired himself out and fell asleep. I missed two tea appointments with two different families, meeting Shisui-chan at the crossroads, eating Kushina-ba-chan's mouth-watering ramen extravaganza, and watching Minato-sama collapsing in a tired heap on the couch next to us.

And you know what?

Obito-kun's peaceful sleeping face was worth it.

* * *

I crouched down, caught Higaishi-chan's arm as he came to strike me in the ribs, and flipped him over my shoulders, letting the momentum carry me forward so I could knee him as he flopped to the ground, his arm outside the chalk circle.

This entire manoeuvre took 1.5 seconds. The match lasted 2 seconds.

"Winner: Uchiha Akito," Bunko-sensei drawled, before rattling out the next contestants. "Uchiha Shisui, Yūhi Daiki, next!"

I helped Higaishi-chan up and we made the seal of reconciliation, bowing to each other before leaving the circle for the other two contenders for the top taijutsu position in the year to have their match.

Starting this year, when our taijutsu training began in earnest, everybody in the year competes in spiral matches, and the winner is almost guaranteed the title Rookie of the Year. The two years prior to this, it was based on written scores, so everyone was excited to prove their mettle.

In the last three days, after several matches and rematches, we'd whittled down to the top six contenders.

Hyuuga Higaishi, Uchiha Itachi, Yūhi Daiki, Uchiha Shisui, Karushi Haru and me.

Karushi-chan was from one of the major civilian families, and he was the only one in the top six from the other third year class. He's already lost his match against Itachi-touto, and after Shisui-chan and Yūhi-chan's match, he'll be having a match with Higaishi-chan to see whether he's eligible for a match against me.

When Bunko-sensei called for the match to begin, Emiko-chan slid past a couple of students to come stand next to me, a bruise turning purple under her eye and a tooth missing.

"Your taijutsu needs a lot of work," I informed her cheerfully.

She gave me a disgusted look. "You've been taking pot-shots at me all week."

I gave her an innocent eye-blink. " _Moi?_ Pot-shots? Perish the thought!"

She gave me a narrow-eyed glare, and I continued smiling at her pleasantly. I mean, yes, I was kind of miffed at her choice in crushes, but that didn't mean I was being unnecessarily snippy.

You would be too if you had to listen to half an hour of unrepentant gushing by a ten year old about a boy she made eye contact with for all of two seconds.

See this? _This_ is why teenage pregnancy is a thing.

"Winner: Uchiha Shisui," called Bunko-sensei. "Karushi Haru, Hyuuga Higaishi, next!"

"Did you see my match?" Shisui-chan asked, coming up to me with a half-grin.

I shook my head. "I didn't even peek," I replied with a grin.

He pouted. "So cruel, Aki-senpai! My heart can't handle this level of scorn!"

He then proceeded to flump onto the ground and pretend to have a mild case of catatonia.

I'm best friends with an idiot.

I studiously ignored Shisui-chan, trying very hard not to giggle, and concentrated on analysing Karushi-chan and Higaishi-chan's match.

Higaishi-chan, being a Hyuuga, clearly has the upper hand in terms of training, yet his innate talent doesn't lie in taijutsu. His footwork wasn't precise enough, and he had a habit of adding unnecessary flourishes to his stances that I suspect he'd be weaned off of with time. Karushi-chan, on the other hand, made up for his lack of formal clan training with raw talent. He was a heavy hitter, and he had a good head on his shoulders when the opponent did something unexpected.

The match lasted a good ten minutes; both boys were evenly matched, and neither one of them was backing down.

In the end, Higaishi-chan won, and the next match up was Itachi-touto versus me.

Joy.

"Winner: Hyuuga Higaishi," Bunko-sensei said, stifling a yawn. "Uchiha Akito, Uchiha Itachi, next!"

We both walked onto the ring and bowed to each other, Itachi-touto stiffly and me with a smile on my face.

Itachi-touto's stamina is awful. Wearing him out would be the easiest way of winning, but where's the fun in that?

My smile turned sharky. " _Blitzkreig_ , Otouto, _blitzkrieg_."

He narrowed his eyes at me and loosened his stand, not understanding the word I'd just said.

Mwahahahaha!

Ahem.

"Begin!"

It was a blur of thought and jabs and slashes and ducking – move to the right, slash, duck that strike, ooh, shiny! Erm, focus! Wait, was that a – hmmm, wrist injured? Ooh, wrist _weak_ , wait, what if I – maybe if I pivot to the left, _mind the circle_ , is that a roundhouse kick?! I'll show _you_ roundhouse kick baby brother mine! And then wajam! Yeah, right in the – ooh, quick recovery, nice! Maybe if I got him some training weights…Focus! Ah, faltering, need to remind him he has a delicate neck – people aren't going to pretend it isn't an opening in a real fight – ooh, _good move!_ So proud! Much praise! Wait, wasn't praise the sun a thing? Ha, my brothers used to go nuts about – focus!

Twisting Itachi-touto's wrist, karate-chopping his neck and gently placing his arm outside the circle as he tried to maul my shin was exactly how I planned on spending this evening.

"Winner: Uchiha Akito," Bunko-sensei said, looking like she really needed some caffeine. "Hyuuga Higaishi, Yūhi Daiki, next!"

I helped Itachi-touto up with a grin on my face, the adrenaline rush gently ebbing away as we made the seal of reconciliation.

"Nice match," Shisui-chan said, helping Itachi-touto sit down. "Next time, try not to get distracted by shinies, okay?"

…I won't even ask how he knows that.

"Anyone else bored out of their skull?" Emiko-chan asked, buffing her nails against her paisley tunic-frock.

"Not all of us have the attention span of a goldfish," I said cheerfully.

Shisui-chan snorted, picking himself up off the floor. "I don't know what Emiko-san did, but I like this side of you."

I don't know why that made me blush, but I'm ridiculously happy now.

Wait…

Is this…am I _bullying_ Emiko-chan?! Because of _Kakashi?!_

Oh Kami-sama.

I stared at the match in slowly dawning horror.

I wasn't _that_ petty, was I? I mean, yes, Emiko-chan was my friend first and Kakashi-san can go melt on a tarmac because ugh can that face _look_ any more condescending? And it's not like—

Oh Kami-sama.

"Aki-senpai?"

I snapped out of my daze.

Shisui-chan was looking at me with minor concern on his face. "You look like you've seen a naked asparagus."

"All asparaguses are naked," I stated absent-mindedly. "Or is it asparagi?"

Pretty sure that's not what the problem is here. Focus Akito. You were trying to come to a horribly damning realisation about your character.

"Shisui-chan," I said, grabbing his hands and staring him down, lest he try to lie to me. "Am I bullying Emiko-chan because she has a crush on Kakashi-san?"

If anyone knew me better than me, it was Shisui-chan.

He gave me a once over, glanced at Emiko-chan and lingered on her chipped tooth, and then looked back at me. "I think," he said, measuring his words, "that you've started teasing Emiko-san far more than usual lately, but I don't think it has anything to do with Kakashi-san."

Teasing?

Huh. I mean, yeah, I've practically been bullying Shisui-chan, so I guess no one would know better than him. And Emiko-chan wasn't angry, just kind of butthurt. But why the change in behaviour? Or was I always like this?

Wait, _was_ I always like this? So I've been teasing people without realising that I'm teasing people?

So I've spent a good solid five minutes trying to have an epiphany, and it turns out that I was just being an oblivious bonsai?

"Shisui-chan," I said gravely. "I'm an idiot."

He gave me a faux-surprised look. "Really? Aki-senpai, you're shattering my rose-tinted vision here."

I stuck my tongue out at him. Yes, it made me feel better.

So why was I trying to have an epiphany about myself?

I guess I'll never know. Cue ominous music here.

Yūhi Daiki won that match, just like I knew he would – not only was he better at taijutsu, but he was also really good at irritating Higaishi-chan with his smug looks, which made him make silly mistakes.

"Winner: Yūhi Daiki," Bunko-sensei groaned, massaging her temples. "Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Shisui, next!"

Emiko-chan gingerly poked her bruise and winced as Itachi-touto went out for his spar. Shisui-chan flipped upright, ran a hand through his mussed hair, and gave me a look that said _this is dragging on forever, and this is ridiculous, why did they even let Itachi-chama join our taijutsu ranking matches? You think they're going to try something? Also, has your favourite colour changed?_

I bit my lower lip and conveyed _I know, but they think the ranks will have changed from just the written rankings, and we should humour them, ne? Probably going to try getting him to graduate early. Also, no. Any special reason?_

Shisui-chan pouted before moving forward. _Not telling._

It was very likely that they were trying to get Itachi-touto to graduate early, because the current graduating class had seventeen people in it – it'd been all over the grapevine, that some kid had killed himself by bungee jumping off the Hokage Monument because he couldn't take the pressure of failure anymore.

Opinions were divided on it, of course. He was a civilian-raised, which automatically meant that the shinobi thought he was weak and 'typical'; the civilians resented the system but also felt it was the kid's fault. Not very many sympathetic humans around, but that's to be expected, I suppose.

Us academy students have already had three different talks about how dishonourable it is to take one's own life and depriving the village of, not only an able-bodied protector, but also wasting the time, money and resources the village had expended on them.

I think it had more to do with the added pressure on him for actually graduating this time – since they'd failed in the last exam cycle, the current graduating class had basically been blamed for the entire debacle, because _of course_ it's the students' fault, and not the fact that the exam was a week after the Boiling Rain incident.

Nope, of course it had nothing to do with that.

They keep throwing more and more pressure on them though, because it isn't just the students' careers at stake – if word gets out that an entire cohort failed, not only would the civilian and shinobi investors lose faith in Konoha's forces and thereby reduce the inflow of missions, but by word-of-mouth, our reputation would suffer tremendously, and it might prompt the hidden villages to exact their revenge on us because they think we're too weak to fight back. Our PR has been working overtime as it is trying to get people to ignore the fact that most of our forces have burns and scars that are too prevalent to write off as typical shinobi wounds.

So I get where the pressure is coming from, but it's not exactly _healthy_.

And because of this suicide, they've had to postpone the exams as is, trying to get someone from the lower years to fill the role.

And of course, significantly advanced to the point of stupidity is what they're going for, so who better than Itachi-touto?

Nine times out of ten, his genjutsu trumps everyone's in the class, ever since Shisui-chan started helping him. Keep in mind that there are _two_ other Uchiha with him in this class, and one other in his younger cohort, so that statistic isn't anything to scoff at.

Granted, his taijutsu could use a bit of work, seeing as even I can beat him, and I'm not exactly supposed to be the marker for power here, all things considered, and in terms of stamina, he…kind of sucks? I mean, he's better than Emiko-chan, but that's not exactly saying much.

What I want to know is, why not Shisui-chan? Why not me?

Itachi-touto never joins us for taijutsu sessions – it's the main and only reason he's still attending classes with his age group, but by including him in our taijutsu ranking matches, they might as well have declared that they're testing his abilities against all of ours to see whether he should graduate early.

But why him? _His_ age group _and_ my age group has a not-divisible-by-three number of students without him as well, so evening out our numbers is not the reason why.

Plus, anyone in my year is more than capable of graduating early, especially Yūhi Daiki, who's only below Shisui-chan and me in the overall rankings.

Also, I don't understand why they'd skip over me and Shisui-chan. Like, I don't _want_ to graduate early, because Kami-sama, if I _did_ , I wouldn't have enough time to finish my unofficial medic training, and this new wave of Minato-sama hate needs to be dealt with, and it's going to take _time_ , and plus, there are loads of kiddies that still need my help and several of them are at their tipping point one way or the other, and I can't _miss_ that, and also, I need a—

I need a replacement for these meets and greets that I've been doing.

Shisui-chan and I are graduating in two and a half years. Missions are _definitely_ going to reduce the amount of time I have to run around the village and meet people for an endless amount of cups of tea.

But who…?

Wait, where did I come from to get to this tangent again?

"Winner: Uchiha Shisui!" Bunko-sensei yelled, trying to wake herself up. "Yūhi Daiki, Uchiha Akito, next!"

"Did you watch my match _this_ time?" Shisui-chan asked as I approached the circle.

I gave him a sheepish grin and he snorted.

Yūhi Daiki is a prudish snob, but he's really adorable when he thinks he's been clever. He also talks funny, and, according to Shisui-chan, he's fun to rile up. I wouldn't know, considering I don't purposely rile anyone up.

Emiko-chan doesn't count.

But he doesn't make stupid mistakes, because he doesn't let anything distract him during combat, something I noticed way back in our first year. So this is going to be a battle of talent, rather than manipulation and misdirection, the latter of which is more my forte.

Ah well, where's the fun in making things easy?

"Start," Bunko-sensei yawned after we'd given each other a short bow.

I eyed him, his razor-straight black hair, his tensed stance, his determined red eyes, and I came to the heart-blushing conclusion that he was actually considering the fact that he might lose.

I mean, I'm _good_ , but my previous matches, barring the one against Itachi-touto, haven't exactly been indicative of that; they were over too quickly.

I loosened my stance for the Daikaen style, and gave him a disarmingly cheerful smile, as if I was about to go out and discuss artichokes over some dango.

Which sounds like a fun plan for this evening. Must tell Shisui-chan, so we can drag Kabuto out of my room. That boy'll turn into a hermit vampire at this rate.

Yūhi Daiki charged at me, and I dodged lightly to the side, sweeping my feet to kick his out from beneath him. He chose this moment to jump up and strike my shoulder, which I brushed away with the flat of my palm, grabbing his wrist so I could twist it behind his back. He tried kneeing me, and I cartwheeled over his head, still having a tight hold on his wrist, which he loosened, and succeeded.

Then, in a bout of utter insanity, I flipped over to him and wrapped my legs around his neck, twisting my entire body to flip him over. He slackened his limbs and then fisted his way out of my hold, but I smirked and pushed him back with a palm strike.

Okay, so maybe I'm awesome at taijutsu. Doesn't mean I'll be a taijutsu master any time soon, but I _am_ pretty awesome.

Totally not bragging by the way.

Totally.

What are you looking at?

Oh, and that last palm strike? Knocked him an inch out of the circle.

Cue smirk.

"Winner: Uchiha Akito," Bunko-sensei announced. "Kami-sama let this _end_. Ahem. Uchiha Shisui, Hyuuga Higaishi, next!"

Yūhi Daiki pouted minutely. "Your skills are most admirable," he said pompously. "But I only let you win. Because you're a girl."

I gave him a _very_ bright smile. Brats. They're just so irritating that you can't help but want to condescendingly pat them on the head.

"I'm glad you recognise my gender," I said sincerely. "But, Yūhi-kun, underestimating me based on my gender is stupid, and I know you're a lot smarter than that. Also, try being less tense next time, ne? It gave away your moves."

And with that, I trotted off to the side.

He hadn't, of course, underestimated me. I think, in a way, he'd overestimated his underestimation, which led to him overthinking the underthinking, and so I won.

Ah, mind games. They're so fascinating.

After Shisui-chan won, Itachi-touto and Yūhi Daiki had a match.

"Who do you think will be on our team?" Shisui-chan asked.

I turned to him. "You mean genin team?"

He nodded. Emiko-chan scoffed. "They'd better not put Seki on my team. I might actually poison him in his sleep."

Emiko-chan doesn't like the fact that Seki-kun snores. Apparently, that's grounds for justifiable homicide.

But in terms of teams, I don't know how much stock to put into the whole best-male/best-female/dead-last gimmick that the manga seemed to set as a pattern. I mean, it's not even really a sound theory, because if the dead-last actually did suck, they'd have essentially killed the strongest of a cohort.

And besides, the whole Team 7 having that formula is a complete hoax – Obito-kun is case in point. He isn't a dead-last, just hyperactive. His written scores weren't the greatest, granted, but he's dead clever, and it showed in his practical assessments (or so Rin-chan tells me). With all that in mind, I don't think written scores are the things that decide which team you're on.

Of course, psyche evaluations are majorly important, but politics definitely features heavily on team structures, and that's not entirely surprising. Specialties also factor in, and ideals likely are taken into account too.

You could have a recipe for disaster if you put, say, three Akimichi on the same team with similar temperaments, because _nothing_ would get done, and they'd be mediocre, without realising their full potential, thereby wasting human resources.

Likewise, if you put three adrenaline junkies with heaps of ambition but clashing ideals together, they would never work as a cohesive unit, and would be more a liability out on the field than not.

But equally, putting a, say, Hyuuga and Uchiha on the same team would cause a huge kerfuffle, and in the current political climate, putting an Inuzuka and a Hyuuga on the same team would have…terrible results. Maybe the genin themselves would work well together, but their clans would make it…unpleasant, shall we say, and teams have broken down for less.

So, in my team, I'd assume I'd have a civilian-raised, because Uchiha and civilians are generally put together to promote understanding between the two worlds – shinobi and civilian – if the Uchiha ever went into the KMPF (which, you know, majority of them do).

Also, since I get along with basically everyone in the class, even crazily pompous Yūhi Daiki, who doesn't know how to accept defeat without finding excuses, I'd likely have another clan member in my team, but probably a strong candidate for Jounin, considering I'm technically an heiress.

But hey, I'm not a part of the administration – they might stick me with Emiko-chan and Hyuuga Higaishi, and then toss me headfirst into the political and social drama that would unfold.

Or, for the lols, they'd put Seki-kun and Tsumiki Kido on my team, because _that_ makes total sense – a kid with the worst immunity system this side of Kannabi Bridge, a psychopath with bunny-pink eyes, and the Uchiha heiress.

Oh Kami-sama, now I want it to happen _just_ so that we can introduce ourselves like that!

"I guess, if I had to pick, it'd be Sato Isamu, because he makes amazing sweets," I said, because it's _totally_ true. Like, I'd hire him to make me sweets if that was feasible.

Heck, I might _still_ do it, even if it _isn't_.

"And I guess Inuzuka Hageshī would be fun to work with as well, though the dog would take some getting used to," I mused aloud. I mean, politically speaking, the team would be sound.

Shisui-chan gave me a weird look. "What?" I asked, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

He mumbled something I couldn't understand, before saying, "What about me?"

Oh, he wanted to know what team he'd be on? Er, that…doesn't actually sound like something he'd ask me.

"What _about_ you?" I asked.

He gave me a sideways glance. "I thought we'd be on the same team."

Hmmm.

It would be nice if Shisui-chan and I ended up on the same team, but I don't think it would be ideal.

For starters, we're from the same clan, and I really would like it if we could continue the whole Uchiha-are-not-exclusive thing, which wouldn't work if both of us were on the same team, because favouritism would be a thing. Also, if we were on two different teams, we'd cover a lot more ground and continue promoting good intra-village relations.

And besides, if we were both on the same team, that'd be just too OP, and I'm sorry, but I don't see how the administration would let that slide.

"Nah, not gonna happen," I responded, before remembering what tangent I'd been on before my match.

So why _were_ they trying to promote Itachi-touto early?

I mean, what's their angle? Subvert _my_ authority by promoting the spare? But that doesn't…are they expecting him to exceed expectations, or fail miserably? Because if it's fail miserably, then it might be to attack the Uchiha.

But I know he won't, so will their plan backfire?

Who's _they_ anyway?

Must go information-gathering.

* * *

Shisui knew he had a kicked puppy look on his face, but he couldn't help it.

Did Aki-senpai not _want_ to be on the same team as him?

He stared at her, trying to x-ray her skull to figure out what was going on in that brain of hers, but his attempts were in vain.

Deductive reasoning it was then.

It took maybe a minute for Shisui to figure out what she meant by her flippant comment, _and_ why she was so distracted.

Yeah…he had a few ideas on the Itachi-chama situation, and they'd probably brainstorm it on the way back to her house.

Speaking of her house, Kabuto needed to get out more. If he didn't, Shisui was half-worried he might melt into the floor and become a permanent fixture, like a decorative lamp.

Something about that idea made his insides twist.

Huh.

"Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Akito, next!" screeched Bunko-sensei, looking for all the world like she wanted to drown in coffee, and Shisui thought that maybe, if he snuck her some, she would let him get away with perusing the academy files before they got transferred to the tower archives.

Something about Tsumiki Kido was rubbing him the wrong way, even before he threatened Aki-senpai.

(Shisui wasn't going to let that slide by the way, but he was very good at maintaining low-key grudges. He wasn't exactly the live-and-let-live type, and he'd met a _lot_ of idiots in his eight years.)

Shisui shook his head to clear away the thoughts and, as he usually did to bring Aki-senpai back to the _now_ , he ran a thumb down her forearm gently and, when she turned her catty eyes to him and blinked in momentary confusion, he gave her a lopsided grin and flicked his eyes to the chalk circle.

"We're up?" she asked, a stray baby curl touching her eyelash.

Shisui felt all warm inside looking at her, just as he always did.

"We're up. Try not to lose too quickly," he said cheekily, ducking a bonk to the head with a grin.

She gave him a look of fond exasperation, and Shisui got a weird feeling in his chest again.

Maybe heartburn?

* * *

"Start!"

I barely had time to blink before Shisui-chan was hitting me with a sharp kick to the stomach. I braced myself and dodged the oncoming punch, twisting away from his second punch, and jumping away from his backhand.

I've sparred with Shisui-chan every day of my life.

I knew his movements like I knew my own.

That didn't necessarily mean I was going to beat him though.

He twisted his torso to jab my spleen with his elbow, and I blocked it with my funny bone, which wasn't the smartest thing to do in the world. The next barrage of kicks and punches he threw my way were glancingly blocked, and I'm pretty sure I had a lovely bruise blooming at my shoulder.

We ducked and weaved, me dodging more than attacking, and him using his insane situational awareness with the single-minded focus of Jiraiya near an onsen.

He managed to turn my roundhouse kick against me and, in a bid not to fall and probably break my neck, I flipped off his arm and landed gracefully a foot away from him.

Which, incidentally, was a foot outside the circle.

Seven out of ten matches, Shisui-chan wins, so I wasn't really all that surprised that he did – he's better at taijutsu than I am.

He gave me a half-smile and a flourishing bow.

Such a dramatic idiot.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a four-room apartment a stone's throw away from the Tsuchikage's residence, delighted squeals were erupting from the living room as a four year old giggled himself into a tizzy.

Deidara was a cute little child, with pretty blue eyes and bright blond hair just past his chin, the only weird thing about him being the extra mouths he had on his palms.

But that was alright, because no one could see them – he was alone in the room, playing with doughy clay, making odd shapes and giggling with every creation. He had clay at the tip of his nose, and one of his chipped teeth were peeking between his dizzyingly happy smiles.

This? This little child right here? He was going to become an arsonist bomber.

But for now, he was having fun making lopsided blobs from clay.

* * *

"—or _maybe_ ," suggested Shisui-chan as we separated ways from Emiko-chan. Itachi-touto was bobbing along behind us. "They're making room for someone _else_."

I…hadn't thought of that.

But who?

"Maybe," I allowed, mentally stacking it precariously on top of all the other equally plausible (and some, like a covert flamingo army being snuck into Konoha with the sole purpose of stealing all the dango under Itachi-touto's watch, implausible) theories. "We need replacements, by the way."

"For?" he asked, not even fazed by the tangent. This is why Shisui is my favourite conversation partner.

"I realised that we're graduating in two and a half years," I explained.

He nodded thoughtfully. "You have someone in mind? We've got quite a few to choose from, Uchiha-wise."

"What are you two talking about?" asked Itachi-touto, confused but trying not to show it.

Shisui-chan and I shared secret smiles.

"You'll see, Otouto," I said mysteriously. Shisui-chan tried very hard not to snort in laughter.

He pouted.

Twas adorable.

* * *

I was walking back from Obito-kun's house, where Kushina-ba-chan had thought it was a clever idea to try and reinvent soup. I'm pretty sure she'd chucked a light bulb into the pot, but Minato-sama stepped on my foot when I was about to point it out to her.

Whatever makes her happy, I guess?

Shisui-chan had training to do with his otou-san, so while he was doing that, I was going a-hunting to find a child to train in the art of multi-cultural harmless banter.

Luckily, three minutes of skipping down the path like a jolly psychopath later, I bumped into Izumi-chan.

My brain just kind of went, _yeah, she works._

Of course, she was sitting in a tree and peering at Itachi-touto and Koki-chan, the two of whom were sitting on the pier and skipping pebbles, but who am I to judge?

Okay, I'm judging, but I'm not going to do anything but giggle about it.

I swiftly climbed up the tree, careful not to tangle any of my hair into the boughs, and sneakily tapped Izumi-chan on the shoulder, and she squeaked like a mouse having a heart attack.

Twas adorable.

"Aki-hime!" she gasped, brown eyes widening at an unprecedented level. "I didn't…I wasn't—this isn't…I can explain?"

She started resembling a cherry tomato after I spent ten seconds trying not to giggle and give away our position.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked, in a lovely impersonation of Isabella from Phineas and Ferb, complete with elongated syllables and fluttering eyelashes.

"I-I…" she stuttered, before lifting her head up in sheepish defiance, and said, "I was just practising my information-gathering skills, Aki-hime."

I raised a sceptical eyebrow. " _Right_. And what information have you gathered?"

She blushed brighter. "Itachi-kun's average stone-skips are between nine and twelve, while Koki-kun has less consistency, ranging from zero to twenty."

I've found a fangirl.

This is going to be _hilarious._

"Aw~! Does Izumi-chan have a crushy-wushy on my Otouto-potato?" I cooed, pinching her cheeks and giggling.

She screwed her eyes shut, as if that would make the whole embarrassing situation go away.

She's so… _sane._

Or, whatever classifies as sane in this crazy world.

"Hey, Izumi-chan," I said suddenly, and she blinked at my change in mood. "Are you free tomorrow from four to six?"

"Y-Yes," she said, nodding to reiterate her point. "Do you need me for anything, Aki-hime?"

I hummed in contemplation, looking her over.

She was a pretty specimen of our pretty clan, with dark brown hair held back in a ponytail, a beauty mark under her right eye, and deep brown eyes. She was five years old, but had a fairly good head on her shoulders. Plus, she has dimples, which instantly makes her cute and totally trustworthy.

My logic is sound.

Shhhhh.

"How would you," I said grandiosely, "like to go on an adventure with me?"

I gave her a mysterious mystery smile full of mysteriousness, and her eyes lit up like fireworks.

Ah, innocence.

* * *

Shisui was minding his own business, totally _not_ spying on the three gossipiest grandmas in Konoha from Shimujima-san's roof for recreational purposes, when it occurred to him out-of-the-blue, as most thoughts do, that his protégé needed to be a civilian.

Because in a few years' time, the two he and Aki-senpai trained up, if they were also shinobi trainees, would end up facing the same problem.

 _That narrows it down_ , thought Shisui, mentally cataloguing the scandalous tale of bondage that the three grandmas were reminiscing about. _I have about three hours to find said protégé, but how hard can that be?_

Ken-san, you sly dog.

"—twisted his naginata straight down her—"

Shisui cocked his head to the side. Naginata?

He shunshin-ed off the roof and made his way to the three grandmas, all the while rejecting and shortlisting candidates for his successor. It would have been easier if he knew who Aki-senpai had picked, because then he could find someone with a complimentary personality. As it stood, he'd just have to hope for the best.

"Excuse me, obaa-san," he said politely, addressing the Yamanaka woman with wispy white hair neatly collected in a bun and cataract blue eyes. She was a pudgy woman, but she had a sharp glance that ensured Shisui knew not to mess with her.

Not that he was going to, obviously – he wasn't an _idiot_.

"Ah, aren't you the Uchiha princess' tagalong?" said the woman next to Yamanaka-obaa-san, a petite crone with crooked teeth and crinkled brown eyes. "Sosuke-chan?"

Shisui quickly evaluated the pros and cons of correcting her, before deciding that, to get what he wanted, correcting them wasn't really necessary and might just cause awkwardness.

He nodded with a goofy expression on his face. "That's me!" he said, feeling his ears heat up in embarrassment. He hated acting like an idiot, but if it got the job done quicker…

"Anything you wanted, Uchiha-chan?" asked Yamanaka-obaa-san.

He nodded again, this time adding a curious tilt to his head and folding his hands behind his back in a show of innocence, rocking on the balls of his feet for maximum sheepishness. "Ne, I couldn't help but hear – did you say Ken-san can use a naginata?"

"In many inventive ways!" cackled the third old lady, glasses sliding off her crooked nose.

The three tittered, and before Shisui could lose them, he asked a bit more forcefully, "Can he use one in battle? I thought he was a nodachi user."

Yamanaka-obaa-san gave him a short look. "Now, dear, Ken wasn't known as Konoha's Weapon Master for nothing! Any weapon in his overpriced shop, he can use like a master. Children these days! Only specialising in one weapon! Back when _I_ was a shinobi—"

"Oh, Fumiko-chan!"

Shisui didn't much care that she was being condescending – he was very used to it, and he wasn't all that fussed really. What _did_ make him pout though was that he'd had to spend _months_ looking for a kabutowari user before finding Nara Mirai-sensei, when he could just as easily have asked the guy who sold him the weapon!

No matter; at least Aki-senpai would finally have a naginata trainer.

Though he'd have to figure out why Ken-san hadn't included his own name on the list of potential trainers…and find blackmail on him, should the need arise, of course.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Izumi-chan, wringing her hands nervously.

I gave her a reassuring pat on the head, weaving my way through the crowd towards the Mukuro Baby shop, where Shisui-chan and I had agreed to meet with our picks for replacements. After this, I had to go to the hospital for tailing Hagane-sensei for three hours, see this 'surprise' Togari-chan wanted to show me, and then head to the Uchiha Senbei to help Teyaki-ji-san till ten thirty.

No rest for the wicked.

"This is a brilliantly brilliant idea," I reassured her, and it was only then that I realised that I might have had too many dango.

But the sugar rush was legendary, so all is forgiven.

…I'm _so_ going to die of diabetes…

"B-But I'm not you, Aki-hime," she reiterated. "What if I…I mean, how could I possibly replace you?"

Ah, the poor thing. Ooh, look! Those are such pretty twinkling earrings!…Oh, wait…I don't have any piercings…

Kill Ine!

Did I say that?

…Nah.

"You're not replacing me, Izumi-chan," I replied, the baby shop now in sight. I half-turned to give her a bright smile. "You're going to help me help our clan be the best it can be."

She looked at me in utter confusion. Really shouldn't have had so much sugar.

Shisui-chan noticed me and gave me a blink of acknowledgement, his face in his permanently pleasant half-smile. I don't get it. Every time _I_ leave my face expressionless, I look like an axe murderer. How is that fair?

"I hate you," I informed him the minute we were within hearing distance.

"Okay," he replied, not even fazed. Am I getting predictable?

Blasphemy!

Next to him was Koki-chan, looking about ready to wet himself, which would've been more disgusting than amusing, I'll have you know. "G-g-g-g-ood m-m-morning, A-A-A-kito-h-h-h-hime…" he stuttered out, not even looking up.

…I should _really_ be questioning Shisui-chan's choices, but he clearly thinks this is a good idea, and he's never steered me wrong before.

"Right," I said cheerfully, looking at the two potential successors. "You two know what we're doing—"

"We really don't," muttered Izumi-chan, but that's okay because I'm totally ignoring her.

"So let's move out!" I said, giving them a wide smile. "Izumi-chan with me, Koki-chan with Shisui-chan. We'll reconvene after two tea sessions each and then you two can go home."

They look so adorable when they're confused. Shisui-chan usually helps people understand what on earth I'm on about, but he looks too amused at the moment.

Surprisingly, this sadism is perfectly acceptable to me.

Izumi-chan gave me a look of helplessness, Koki-chan looks too nervous to question anything I say (that really needs to change…), and Shisui-chan's basically my wavelength twin, so off we go!

…I really shouldn't have had those last three dango…

* * *

Koki was a child that was scared of his own shadow, and who isolated himself among wood shavings and iced orange juice. He had a very docile existence, considering he was the genius of a generation's best friend, and he liked to keep it that way.

Except Shisui-senpai had come in like an unobtrusive hurricane and ripped him from his calm and unassuming existence, thrusting him into a world of banal chitchat and information gathering.

Koki hadn't even seen it coming.

Shisui-senpai laughed sheepishly at his dazed look. "Don't worry about it, Koki-kun. You'll get the hang of it soon. Especially after you see Aki-senpai in action tomorrow."

Except Koki was certain he'd never 'get the hang of' this anytime soon. He wasn't a social person; he wasn't even an introvert. He was _extra_ introverted, like when Itachi-kun put six spoons of sugar in his green tea when no one was looking because his sweet tooth was worse than Konoha's mildew problem.

"…I don't think I'm the right person for the job," he said, trying to dissuade Shisui-senpai's misplaced trust in his capability to cope with _people_.

The curly-haired older boy was usually very reasonable – he was also, incidentally, the only semi-adult Koki could function around. He knew he was timid, but luckily, Shisui-senpai wasn't intimidating at all. In fact, Shisui-senpai was so _not_ intimidating that Koki wondered whether he was even cut out for the shinobi lifestyle.

He wasn't one to judge, but he thought, to be a good shinobi, a good protector for the weak, you should be able to inspire fear and respect in other people. Itachi-kun could do it, Akito-hime did it as easily as breathing, and every shinobi Koki had met in his short life, even Akimichi Maruten with his chubby fists and squinty eyes, inspired a strong impression of _something_.

Shisui-senpai just didn't have that. Koki thought that maybe he'd been forced into the profession because of his family, but Shisui-senpai didn't look like he _minded_ being a shinobi.

Shisui-senpai turned to him with a half-smile and a glint in his merry eyes, and it hit Koki again that Shisui-senpai was just too unimpressive to be a shinobi. "I didn't think I was either," he confessed conspiratorially. "I was never very good at connecting with people. I thought they were all pretty stupid, to be honest."

Koki sweatdropped. He said it with such a straight face too.

"But," he continued, rounding the bend towards Tetsuhane Weapons Shop, "the funny thing about socialising is that, if you watch enough people, it becomes easier and easier, till you forget why you ever found it so hard. It's like pretending to be a character from a story – you don't reveal who _you_ are, just what a character would say, and suddenly it isn't so hard running your mouth a mile a minute."

Koki stared at Shisui-senpai. That sounded vaguely sociopathic.

Shisui-senpai ruffled Koki's hair and shrugged. "Anyway, you don't have to do much talking – pretty sure Izumi-chan should cover that. You just have to listen, and make sure she doesn't mess up. We're trying to warm people up to the Uchiha, not hand them all our secrets in a handbasket. At least one of you is going to have to keep track of that."

Koki didn't say much. In fact, it wasn't until he'd gone home and told Itachi-kun all of this that he realised it was weird that he hadn't.

Itachi, in his infinite wisdom, pointed it out to him. "If you don't think you can, just don't do it. It's not like Shisui-nii-san is forcing you to, after all."

But Koki thought that he didn't want to disappoint Shisui-senpai. It wasn't like the older boy asked for much.

Itachi hummed. "He's really sly, isn't he?"

And Koki didn't understand what that meant.

How could he?

He didn't know there were different forms of intimidation. He didn't know Shisui's job was to be the one in the shadows, being the fire-keeper that subtly tended the flame. He didn't know that Shisui was quite possibly the most intimidating shinobi-to-be in Konoha, simply because no one thought he was capable of doing much damage.

He was, as Akito had once said, sneaky-sneaky like that.

* * *

Izumi-chan didn't look too happy with the outcome of meeting Oburi-san's family.

"Why did you say she looked cute?" she asked indignantly, an adorable pout on her face. "She looked like a whale in that dress!"

I held in the giggle valiantly. "Because it would've been rude to shatter her dreams."

She didn't look very convinced, so I elaborated.

With several hand-gestures, an image of the demure ginger I'd met three years ago and the incredible journey of self-realisation she'd gone through in my head, I explained.

"See, Izumi-chan, Miko-nee-san's lived in a shell her whole life, and now that she's finally married to someone who will let her be who she wants to be, she's expressing herself the only way she knows how – through her physical appearance. Yeah, she looked like a ripened turnip in that kimono, and the colours didn't compliment her at all, but it's the first time she's ever picked out what _she_ wears, instead of someone else doing it for her."

Izumi-chan, just as I'd suspected she would, looked vaguely empathetic, and a bit ashamed. I knew I'd picked someone who could be taught sensitivity!

"So I just have to keep quiet about her terrible fashion sense?" she asked a bit painfully.

I laughed aloud at that one. Ah, poor little duckling. She's so tiny and sane.

I gave her a grin. "Why don't we take her shopping next week, hmm? I'd bet she'd like having a second opinion on her choices, and I'd love to have a girly time out."

In point of fact, I neither wanted nor needed any such thing, but Izumi-chan's eyes lit up in unholy glee, so I figured I'd done the right thing.

Now, how do I fit a shopping trip between advanced physiology courses at the hospital and calligraphy lessons with Okaa-san?

Meh.

I'll work something out.

Right now, I have to go to the hospital, and then see this surprise Togari-chan's got.

* * *

Nara Shikaku was a very busy man. He had lots of work to do, lots of papers to file, lots of statistics to go over, lots of supplies and complaints to manage, lots of clan head financing to oversee, and lots of husbandly and fatherly duties to look to.

He was also, incidentally, a very lazy man, so he was hiding in a tree and pretending that he wasn't so much in demand.

The spring air gently cooled the nape of his neck as he closed his eyes against the bright blue of the sky. In the distance, he could hear a skylark chirping, the rustling of the leaves, and—

Someone calling him down from the tree.

Looks like he'd been found.

He sighed, and contemplated the merits and demerits of pretending he was brain dead. It seemed to be working out perfectly for Sandaime-sama, who didn't have to so much as think about the problems Konoha was going through.

That was a bit uncharitable, he supposed.

His simply _existing_ in the hospital at all was another source of headache.

Shikaku occasionally wished he had a mediocre brain, so that he wouldn't latch onto every mystery in his general vicinity like a particularly stubborn octopus.

But then, he kind of liked the heady feeling of being right all the time, so he quickly forgave his overachieving brain. The ego boost totally made up for it.

The someone was calling him a bit louder.

It was only then that he realised it wasn't his wife's nagging voice, and it wasn't his new secretary's either.

He climbed out of the tree, and peered down, only to see _his fucking Hokage_ sitting at the base of the tree making a _fucking daisy chain_.

This.

This was his great leader.

"Yondaime-sama," he drawled. "I didn't know your schedule was so carefree."

Namikaze Minato, with his halo of messy blond hair and cornflower blue eyes, smiling face and trusting gaze, casually plopped the daisy chain on his head and patted the grass next to him.

"I'm on my five minute break," he said, sounding like he might need five years. "So I thought I'd come find you and discuss some things."

Shikaku raised an eyebrow with his eyes half-lidded. "So you looked for me up a tree."

Minato smiled like an idiot, a very disarming smile that Shikaku had fallen into the trap of believing actually was as vacuous as it seemed one too many times. He hadn't made that mistake in _years._ Not since the broken-leg-in-a-sandwich incident.

"It was the last place Yoshino-chan would've looked," said Minato, as though that explained everything.

Which it totally did, damn him.

"Something political?" asked Shikaku, already knowing the answer. Minato and he had known each other since the academy, when the little shit had advanced four years in the span of four days, even with a civilian background to hold him back.

"I wish I could say no," said Minato, sounding like he meant it. He probably did too, Shikaku knew.

His great leader was good at politics, but it didn't come to him naturally like it did to, say, Shimura Danzou.

Which is probably why he was here, actually, now that Shikaku bothered to let the thought form.

"Spill, gaki," said Shikaku, falling into old habits as he sprawled himself on his great leader's lap.

Said great leader squawked, just like in their academy days, before letting it happen anyway because he was a contact-starved orphan and Shikaku knew it.

And so the blond spilled – about the ROOT faction, about Yakushi Nonou and the orphanage scandal, about the connection between Orochimaru and Danzou that they'd discovered covertly and had kept under wraps, about—

"Assassination?"

Shikaku couldn't actually believe _that_. Oh, sure, the rest of the stuff was feasible. Damn, even he could see the benefits of half the scheming, and he only had pieces of the puzzle, but direct assassination?

"So Sandaime-sama's in the hospital because of Shimura-sama?"

Minato blinked. "Er, I never said that. I didn't even think that. And now I'm thinking it. Seriously, Shikaku, _why_ do you make me think like this?"

Shikaku, though, was running his mind a mile a minute – or his mind was running him a mile a minute, whichever.

The Sandaime situation was precarious at best, but the rumour-mill was stoically against labelling anyone but an Uchiha or an Inuzuka as the culprit. The divisions were already there, and they were growing sharper. If not for the little Uchiha brat's interference, Shikaku's prediction of all-out anarchy would've been realised sometime in January.

Then this latest scandal between the KMPF and the ANBU had created another rift, but this time the golden boy Hokage had been caught in it as well, and they were slowly but surely dragging his name through the mud too.

The Uchiha brat was planning something, Shikaku was sure, and he'd be damned if he didn't keep tabs on his information network when her plan came into fruition. And aid and/or amend said plan for maximum efficiency as he saw fit.

Point still stood that Danzou gained nothing much out of the coma unless Sandaime-sama had actually been against him at some juncture that he could no longer block in his condition. Which meant that Shikaku would have to figure out what that was to nip it in the bud before it sprouted like a weed, or take the easier route and watch it play out.

The Nara clan head felt like he was missing something, something that would explain everything, but _what?_

"That's treason," drawled Shikaku noncommittally. "Technically you could arrest him just for that. Falsified evidence is still evidence if we both vouch for it."

Minato shook his head. "ROOT isn't something that dies if we take away the leader. I've already got someone working on dismantling it, and getting actual evidence so Danzou-sama can't weasel his way out of it."

"So why tell me?" asked Shikaku, eyes narrowed at his great leader.

Minato smiled sheepishly. "Ah…it's a bit of an embarrassing reason."

Shikaku relaxed into Minato's lap, closing his eyes. "Mmm."

"I just wanted a friend to talk to," he muttered, rubbing the nape of his neck.

This.

This was his great leader.

And this was why he didn't just retire, or half-arse his job, or let the grunts figure it out as he watched them run around like headless chickens.

Shikaku was a goner, wasn't he? Gonna work himself into an early grave, and he was gonna be _happy_ about it too, for this blond idiot and his unfair levels of charisma.

Fucking Hokage and his moe eyes and shy grins.

* * *

Ine was a strange baby, and she was very proud of that, thank you very much.

Her slave, who occasionally she may refer to as 'tou', was very prompt and efficient. Her other slave, who shall hence be called 'nee', was a bit harder to wrap around her fingers, but it was doable, as long as she was willing to put in the appropriate amount of effort in the screaming tantrum.

Ine was nearly a year old now, and she had pretty earrings, pretty weird eyes, and strange hair, and she knew it. She could see all the other people in her large family, and she looked in the mirror and saw _strange_.

And she was too little for this to hurt her, but it was enough for her to start seeing herself as different, even at such a young age.

But then, nee had taken her to _another_ strange baby, and _this_ strange baby seemed to be, not only smaller than her, but _cuter_ than her.

This wouldn't do.

This 'sa' was going to be screamed into oblivion – her pride was on the line!

Sasuke, meanwhile, wasn't aware that the weird thing screaming at him was trying to challenge him. He was much too cool for that.

Itachi thought he'd done rather well at finding a solution to the babysitting crisis that had developed in the wake of his mother's visiting of a sick relative and the extended hospital session of his sister.

Though his ears would beg to differ.

* * *

The surprise Togari-chan wanted to show me, as it turned out, was a _person._

Not just _any_ person, but a person who apparently didn't know his own name, was a 'top secret' that Togari-chan wasn't allowed to reveal but had accidentally let slip _was_ a top secret, and she had no idea whether the boy had mental problems because she wasn't good with kids, but since I was the same age, I _had_ to be able to help him, right?

Ah, people have so much faith in my non-existent psychiatric abilities.

Totally getting a big head over this, by the way.

"He's really quiet as well," Togari-chan fretted, wringing her hands together and making her bright pink eyes look even more babyish than they already looked. "And he doesn't eat much, and he's having nightmares that he won't talk to me about, and I'm worried about him all the time, and Hagane-sensei yells at me more because I'm distracted, and he's really skinny, and I don't think he likes eggs very much—"

Togari-chan is such a worrywart.

We continued down the street and past Hibiki-san's fish stall to Burumi apartments, a scruffy green building that most of the shinobi orphans are given accommodation in if they are deemed fit enough to survive on their own.

"It's the third floor," said Togari-chan, tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear nervously. "3D."

We made our way upstairs, me wondering why the pixie-medic looked so close to tears (again, as per usual) even as her eagerness increased. It was really weird.

She knocked on the chipped door of 3D and, a few moments later, someone called, "It's unlocked."

She pushed her way into a small room with an adjoining kitchen, a round table with a single-daffodil-containing vase on it, a lumpy sofa, an unmade bed, and a door leading to a bathroom. The place was a mess, with empty ramen containers littering the side-tables, picture-books scattered in the oddest places, wrappers lying around, dishes unwashed everywhere…

I mean, I'm not a neat freak, and I can do procrastination like the best of them when it comes to cleaning, but _come on._ Whoever lives here cannot be allowed to live in such squalor!

I refuse!

A toilet flushed, and out of the bathroom came a boy a couple of years older than me. He was wearing rumpled clothes, his hair was a tangled nightmare of brown, his eyes were a sleepy black and—

"Yamato!"

I didn't mean to say that out loud.

Togari-chan looked startled, Yamato looked startled, and I slapped my hand across my mouth, mortified. I haven't slipped up like that in _years_.

"Um…Akito-chan, this is Lamb-kun. Lamb-kun, this is Uchiha Akito, the Uchiha princess," said Togari-chan, introducing the two of us in the wake of the awkward silence that had engulfed us.

I'm confused. "Lamb? Your name is _Lamb?_ What genius named you that?"

Because it was a _terrible_ name. Ugh.

Reminds me of the annoyance that was Lambo. Hated that kid.

Yamato shrugged self-consciously, expressionless. "Woof-mask."

Woof? "Woof?" I asked, because that's not something you just let slide when you hear it.

He blushed, though he didn't look like he knew he was doing it. "The animal. Man. He…I don't have a name, so he gave me one."

Oh, he means _dog_. "You mean dog," I said, thoroughly unhelpfully. Balance of probability says it's Kakashi. "And on account of the fact that Lamb is a stupid name, I'm electing to ignore it. Unless you _like_ the name Lamb."

My expression informed him that I couldn't think of any reason why he would.

He shook his head emphatically. "I don't have any better ones," he admitted.

Togari-chan started clearing the place up. Ah. That explains a few things.

"Well, how does Yamato sound?" I asked, totally not cheating. "Or Tenzou?"

He looked deeply contemplative as Togari-chan began on the dishes.

"I…like Yamato," he said slowly, sounding out the syllables.

I gave him a razor sharp smile, and he flinched.

"Right," I said chirpily. "Now that you have a name, what's up with this reprehensible mess?"

"Reprehensiwal?" he asked, thoroughly confused. I'm not dumbing myself down for him though, because why make life easier?

"Disgusting," I said harshly, and I could almost feel the metaphorical arrow stab Togari-chan and him in the head. "Is this any way to live, Yamato-chi?"

He looked odd. "Were you sent by Hokage-sama to supervise me?"

"No."

"Then you have no authority over me," he concluded firmly.

Yeah?

I let out an unholy cackle of gleeful sadism.

He wants to be difficult? _Bring_ _it._

I jauntily bounced my way to the kitchen drawer and extracted the standard issue rolling pin. The other two occupants of the room were staring at me like as if I'd gone mad.

I brandished it above my head threateningly, smile firmly in place, and then brought it down with all the force I could muster and smashed a hole into the floor. "Oops," I said with a girly giggle, much to their wide-eyed fear. "My hand slipped. Now _clean_ , Yamato-chi. I want this place _spotless_ in half an hour, or this rolling pin goes through your brain and out your _lungs_."

He saluted, though he didn't know why, and began frantically cleaning. When Togari-chan moved to help him, I stopped her. "Ne, he has to learn to live on his own, and you being his housekeeper isn't helping things, Togari-chan."

She blinked at how normal I sounded, and I smiled at her, because since when was I ever normal? Speaking of…

"Oi! Who said you could slack with the bookshelf!?" I yelled, turning around and denting the wall with the rolling pin, plaster falling from the roof at the force of my hit.

Suffice it to say, Yamato-chi's apartment was as clean as could possibly be, and when I found out he couldn't read, and he had _people_ -ing issues that _really_ should've been flagged in the psyche eval but wasn't because we're running on feudally outdated mental health markers, I've made plans to rectify that.

Poor _Lamb_.

His lazy, dull, introverted existence was _over_.

* * *

We were sitting on the tree at the academy playground, eating our bento and overseeing the idiots below trying to establish some weird form of government with sticks and stones.

It was _hilarious_ , and to think, all it took was a couple of suggestions from me and a challenging look from Shisui-chan to get it going.

"Koki-chan's a nervous wreck, but he'll work well with Izumi-chan," I said after swallowing a wonderfully seasoned shrimp. Must get Okaa-san to give me the recipe, and maybe ask her to help me make it if I have the time.

Haha. Time. In very limited supply.

"Izumi-chan's a blabbermouth, but she's quick to learn," he replied, adding his observations. We'd swapped minions today to get a feel for our successors, and while they weren't like us, they weren't hopeless cases either. And that was more than could be expected, given Shisui-chan's a genius and I'm a reincarnated nerd.

"Speaking of," said Shisui-chan, an ironic lilt to his voice, "two news items to report. Which would my lady like first?"

I gave him my best posh voice and said imperiously, "The first, of course."

"So Ken-san's a naginata expert," he said casually, throwing a bomb in my face with all the nonchalance of Hisoka at a paedophile ring. "And apparently, he's sworn off teaching anyone after his last student died in the war. I've got it on good authority, however, that he's pretty worried that his daughter won't have any female influences in her life – he's got a pretty big fear he'll turn her into a butch girl, which is hilarious and stupid all at once."

Shisui-chan was grinning, and I wasn't even surprised he'd been so thorough. If I pressed, he'd probably give me all the details I could never have thought to ask about the previous student, or when Ken-san had taken up the naginata, or even who Ken-san's wife was, because Shisui-chan gathered information like Sasuke gathered fangirls. Casually and without even knowing it wasn't normal to be that good at it.

"I shall coerce him posthaste," I promised, before giving Shisui-chan a wide grateful smile. "Thanks, Shisui-chan."

He blushed lightly and smiled back. "Item number two: dissent against Minato-sama's growing stronger. Aki-senpai," he said, all traces of humour gone, "we need to do something, because his PR is _shit_."

"Don't swear," I said, mentally going over _any_ feasible course of action I could take to turn the tide on Minato-sama's falling reputation. I mean, _why_ even try to besmirch his awesomeness? If I find out the root cause, I'm not above de-spleening them.

With a blunt toothpick and the business end of a feather.

How do I make people re-realise the awesomeness that is Minato-sama? It's not like people to have forgotten it _that_ easily. Disasters happen, but he's dealt with them really well, all things considered.

"Maybe we should throw a birthday party," I suggested without really meaning it. "Invite everyone and make them sing embarrassingly out of key."

Shisui-chan, however, didn't think I was joking. "We could organise a festival," he said. "We have the connections, and the KMPF for policing."

And then my mind started buzzing. "A Hokage Appreciation Day!" I squealed. "We could have cake and—ooh, the Akimichi Harvest Festival's just passed by and it had lifted morale, and the Orphanage fundraiser's three weeks away—we could merge the two and add a little Kushina-ba-chan craziness and Jiraiya-sama's idiocy—ah! There's so much _planning to do_! Shisui-chan, let's get started as soon as we get home today!"

A village-wide celebration would require a _lot_ of organisation, and if I wanted it done by the Orphanage Fundraiser, there was _no_ time to lose.

Clan heads will have to be informed, pathways will have to be cleared up in the streets, decorations, food, entertainment, we could have a talent show!, the plaza and civilian council housing will have to give their go-ahead, I could write a play!, the KMPF will need to be brought on-board…Heck, we could invite foreign dignitaries and mitigate the fallout of the previous cohort failing the genin exam!

I was grinning like mad, and I probably looked like the adopted brain child of Beelzebub, but Shisui-chan didn't seem to mind.

So much to _dooooo!_

* * *

Minato was pacing the length of his office to regain circulation in his limbs. Sitting in one position for so long poring over the old laws governing clan culpability for internal issues had forced him to acknowledge that he wasn't, in fact, a machine, and required a break.

His eyes were sore, his brain was sore, and the light bulb in the soup was quickly making his stomach sore too.

It was in this haze of soreness that an ANBU with a familiar tuft of silver hair arrived in a flurry of leaves and bits of dirt.

Minato mentally apologised to the cleaning staff, before dismissing his guard and subtly scanning the room for any spying leftovers.

When he was satisfied that he and Kakashi were alone, he said, "Report."

Kakashi did so dutifully, in the clipped, concise way he'd always spoken to his sensei.

"The infiltration was a success. I expressed ire at the way the Boiling Rain was being handled and the smothering nature of your mollycoddled training regime in noncommittal settings. Approached by ANBU for special services. Led to Danzou-sama's office, blindfolded, estimated east quadrant, underground, barometric pressure and humidity indicative of a sewer line. Offered position as special ANBU, accepted. Used counter-silencing seal without Danzou-sama noticing."

This was exactly according to plan, which meant that something had gone wrong – Kakashi was not to contact Minato unless he was compromised, after all.

"What's the problem, Kakashi-kun?" Minato asked, half-regretting asking.

His fourteen year old student went rigid, before straightening his shoulders and saying in his recently cracking voice, "Sensei, I don't think I can handle the dismantling on my own."

This gave Minato pause.

He'd never known Kakashi to doubt his capabilities _ever_. Even when he ought to have. The Chidori came to mind, and the broken-leg-in-a-sandwich incident that no one liked remembering.

"Why not?" asked Minato, leaning against his desk. Now he had pins and needles in his leg, and he was pretty sure he was experiencing mild heartburn. It was undoubtedly that lightbulb. Also, he really needed to see if he could cut down on electricity in the innermost sectors, because he doubted the budget could handle another surplus discharge in the—

He seriously needed to focus on one thing at a time.

Kakashi said gravely, "I met up with one of my new teammates and discovered Inuzuka clan markings. My Taichou is a Sarutobi that is officially off duty and is in charge of the catering in the main house. I discovered one of Danzou's guards as being the civilian librarian, fiancée of Yūhi Mirai. Sensei, there isn't any clan that's been left untouched. None."

And this chilled Minato, because _what?_ Yūhi Mirai was on the shinobi council, and he was the clan head. Sarutobi servants, Inuzuka not following their clan head…

What if even clan heads were a part of ROOT? Just how many of those he previously trusted were Danzou-sama's spies? The civilian librarian used to give him sweets when Kushina rejected him – when he was _eleven_. Just how long had she been a ROOT member?

Just how many pies did Danzou-sama have his fingers in?

"And if clans are involved," acknowledged Minato grimly, understanding now what the problem was, "the Hokage administration can't interfere without respective clan heads' consent, which we don't have, and don't know how many to be able to trust. And we don't know how many clans are involved, or to what level each clan is involved. Since our previous theory, that only orphans and minor clan shinobi were in ROOT, is falsified—"

"We can't be sure of the numbers involved, or if dismantling it completely is even viable," finished Kakashi, just as grimly. "And sensei, if this is going to work, radio silence is not an option."

Minato ran a hand through his blond hair, digging his fingers into his scalp to soothe the incoming headache. "But keeping in close contact with me compromises the trust Danzou-sama will have in you in the long run. He will always doubt your loyalty, which we can't afford if we're to discover ROOT's inner workings."

Which had become more imperative than ever, now that the major clans were involved.

Minato pretended, just for a moment, that his life wasn't so difficult.

Ah, the headache was going away.

And then he opened his eyes and it was back, with Kakashi chewing his bottom lip nervously, having taken his ANBU mask off. The last time Kakashi had allowed Minato to see such a sign of weakness, he'd been speared in the kidney with a chakra-sucking tanto.

Good times.

Less complicated times too. Fighting was definitely easier than governing.

"But I can't do this without giving you constant updates on who can and can't be trusted. And my social network is limited to our team, your family, and _Gai_."

Minato winced. Yeah, he didn't think getting Gai involved was a good idea either.

"We'll have to get someone else involved then," said Minato, "Someone we're both in contact with, but is perceived too weak to be confided in."

Minato's first thought was Akito, considering she was, in fact, an eight year old, but she was already a player in the game, and Kakashi openly abhorred her, which would make it suspicious if he suddenly started seeking her out for no reason.

Itachi was considered and discarded – too removed from both of them, and Minato was set for him to graduate this year, which would soothe the Uchiha wounded pride, act as a Danzou-sama distractor, and allow for his finally dealing with the Lamb issue that he still hadn't gotten around to, even after so many months since Orochimaru's imprisonment and subsequent parole.

Rin-chan was a no-go, especially with how much she already had on her plate. She didn't need any more to do, of that Minato was sure. Yes, they were all overworked, and yes, Rin-chan was mentally prepared to deal with stress better than her male teammates due to her medic profession, but with the hospital construction, restructuring of finances and the new horde of medic trainees that would be at her mercy soon, not to mention the backlog of patients since the war's end, she had enough to work with without spying, infiltration and acting as a go-between added into the mix.

"We need someone stationary," Kakashi muttered. "Someone who won't be sent on missions a lot, someone unconnected with any clans, someone useless to Danzou-sama…"

Obito would've been the ideal choice, if he weren't an Uchiha.

Kushina was out, because she'd want to get _involved_ , and she was his _wife_ – they'd already planned on Kakashi being distant with her, to prove to Danzou-sama that he genuinely was estranged from the Hokage's family.

If Kakashi's social circle hadn't been so goddamn limited, this would've been easier.

"I'll think of something," said Minato. "For now, as you were. Kushina's invited the team for a picnic on Tuesday. Nice and public place for a fight."

Kakashi nodded, wincing at the insults he'd have to plan and deliver effectively so that the redheaded she-demon wouldn't even think of contacting him again.

As Kakashi donned his ANBU mask, bowed and left, a little diabolical voice in Minato's head whispered, _it really would be convenient if Obito's family disowned him…_

But that was neither here nor there, right?

Unless…well, after the tantrum Obito had thrown in public, he already had a bad reputation, and the Uchiha hardly needed that kind of scandal to heal the rift between them and the rest of the village. Akito-chan wouldn't allow it, of course, but…

Hmmm…

Ah, speaking of Akito-chan, he needed to have a little chat with her regarding Yakushi Nonou.

* * *

Minato-sama looked stressed.

It was just as well that I'd already been through Jiraiya-sama's pervertedness and Kushina-ba-chan's particular brand of insanity to secure their help for Hokage Appreciation Day, because otherwise the feeling of helplessness would've killed me.

Like, how could _anyone_ bear to see him sad like this?!

So I gave him a hug, because I can.

"Yo, Minato-sama!" I said happily, blatantly defying all protocols and traditions and etiquettes and sitting in the Hokage seat.

It was surprisingly squishy.

Minato-sama just looked amused at my cheeky grin, and some worry lines were fading, so mission accomplished.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, getting straight to the point because he didn't look like he could afford a long break.

He sat cross-legged on the floor, and he looked mightily comfy over there, so I joined him, in the patented Uchiha seiza position, because to do otherwise would be a sin.

Or something.

"I heard you've met Lamb-kun," he said, and then looked infinitely amused as he continued with, "and then changed his name, schedule, dietary habits, home décor, literacy levels and aesthetic in the span of two weeks."

I gave him an innocent blink. "Me? With that kind of minion power? Blasphemy, Hokage-sama!"

He laughed at that, and the world was right once more.

"I'm glad you've incorporated him into the village," he admitted. "I've been so swamped that I haven't been able to do it myself. He was the only survivor of Orochimaru-sama's…misdemeanours, and I've been meaning to get to him, but with everything else I've had to do…thank you, Akito-chan."

I blushed a million shades of red, giggled in mortification, and let that ego trip ride itself out before composing myself. "You can't do everything by yourself," I said finally, realising that this shouldn't have been something he ought to be personally seeing to himself. "Are you overextending again?"

I gave him a suspicious eyebrow-raise, and he gave me a shifty-eyed sheepish look. "I don't exactly have a lot of people to delegate to, especially with all the issues from last year still being overseen. Not to mention, the…ROOT issues."

I sobered up, and realised that he's this stressed probably because he's now got an inkling of how far Danzou's influence extends.

"Any way I can help?" I ask determinedly. After all, I did promise I'd burn the bitch.

"In a way," he said, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. "I mostly wanted to talk to you about Yakushi Nonou."

I sat up straighter. "She's been retrieved?" I asked, eyes widening.

He nodded, but he looked hesitant. "There is, however, a slight problem."

Oh Kami-sama, not _another_ one.

Minato-sama explained. "Since she left on her deep undercover mission, she has been slowly brainwashed, and certain faces and people have been mismatched in her brain. Luckily, the process wasn't completed due to our interference, so it is reversible, and the T&I department are working on it as we speak. But she doesn't recognise Kabuto-san's face."

I winced, and cringed, and felt inordinately detached.

Bummer. "But it's reversible," I said, "so no harm done."

He nodded. "Yeah, but see, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. From my understanding, Yakushi Nonou was, _is_ , Kabuto-san's mother figure, and to not be recognised by someone who should love you unconditionally, who is your first touchstone, can be extremely damaging to someone, especially someone in an already precarious mental state like Kabuto-san."

Ah, I see what the problem is.

"You don't know whether you should tell him or not," I summarised, "because you don't know what'll mess him up more."

He nodded.

I pondered this.

The Kabuto I know gave up his life and freedom and morals for Nonou-san, so it's surprisingly easy for me to see him snapping if he sees her and she truly doesn't recognise him. I wish I knew for sure. I wish I knew what on earth happened in canon, but I never much cared about Yakushi Kabuto's backstory, and now it's coming back to irritate me.

But not telling him would make him distrust Minato-sama, and Danzou's subtle brainwashing was already doing a brilliant job of making Kabuto distrust the administration. And in the end, _I'd_ want to know if it were me.

And you should treat others like you want to be treated, right?

"It's your decision, Minato-sama," I said finally. "But I think you should tell him. He already distrusts you, and I don't think keeping this from him will make him trust you anymore. And you're not sparing him the pain by making him hate you – it'll just make it worse in the long-run if you start to question his loyalty to you."

There. I've said my bit.

Minato-sama stewed upon this for a moment, before shaking his head and nodding. "I see your point, and I think it would be for the best if I'm transparent about it. Especially as a leak is imminent. Which brings me to the next reason I asked for you."

Wow. Just, wow.

If we weren't sitting on the floor, I'd think we were having a proper debriefing.

Which we totally are, and it's _brilliant_.

"Kabuto-san's position is slowly being compromised, especially with his…activities within ROOT."

I didn't question how he knows this. I'm assuming he's got spies in ROOT now.

Minato-sama gave me a serious look. "Akito-chan, we need a permanent safe place for Kabuto-san until the heat dies down. I can talk to him about it, and I can get him a guard detail, but ultimately, it's you who has the connections, and you know where the safer places are. Call in a favour, get him a permanent residence. I'm reluctant to put him with the academy orphans, or the genin orphans for that matter, and those are the only residential areas I have jurisdiction over."

I nodded. Looks like Shisui-chan and I have work to do. Oh, and Kabuto too, I suppose, should kind of have a say in the matter.

Maybe.

If I'm feeling generous.

I'll let Shisui-chan decide, just to be fair.

"I'll need a couple of weeks, but that's doable, so long as the guard detail's vetted."

Minato-sama inclined his head, and then ran a hand through his hair, grappling with a thought.

I let him think it through. Thoughts are surprisingly hard to wrestle with.

"I have," he started hesitantly, before gaining momentum, "another favour to ask for, though you won't like this one."

I tilted my head and frowned. "Why?" I asked. Can't fathom why I wouldn't like a favour Minato-sama asked of me, considering he's awesome and everything.

He started slowly, carefully choosing his words, but nonetheless, he ploughed through, and I sort of wish he'd just been unreasonable and started at the end so that I could freak out and get mad about it.

But he's too sensible to be needlessly dramatic like that. That's more Kushina-ba-chan's thing.

"Recent information has come to light about Danzou-sama's…influence, and we need a go-between between my spy and me, and the easiest person to use for that is Obito-kun. If only he weren't an Uchiha."

Yeah, that's a problem. Also, subtlety of a sledgehammer – clearly, with that kind of go-between, the only possibility for the spy's identity is Kakashi-san.

But, he probably knew I'd figure that out.

His trust in me gives me life.

"Also, with the recent…" Minato-sama trailed off, looking for the right word, "incident with Obito, he's dragging the entire KMPF into the mud along with him."

I winced but didn't protest.

I'd been doing damage control, but the KMPF was stubborn, and due to his recent hermit-y reclusive behaviour, Obito-kun hasn't been in public for people to draw any alternative conclusions, other than he's gone mad and the clan's the cause.

"Got a magical solution?" I asked rhetorically, suddenly feeling just as tired as Minato-sama looked.

When was the last time I'd had a day off to just… _be?_

I need to schedule that soon, or I'll go as insane as Bellatrix. Can't be getting grey hairs at eight.

"Yes, but not a very…personally easy one," he said, and I could tell he was stalling. "It would be most politically feasible if Obito was exiled from the clan."

There was white noise in my ears, and my vision had gone strangely flat.

To be exiled from your clan…to have your heritage, your values, your _family_ , stripped away from you, forced to acknowledge that it was no longer yours and you could never claim it as such…

I cannot even begin to describe the shame, the dishonour, the _pain_ and emptiness just _thinking_ about not belonging anymore causes me, and it's not even me we're talking about.

It's a feeling unlike any I'd be able to describe to someone who doesn't know what _clan_ means.

Naruto feeling like an outsider wouldn't have even been so bad if it was in my old world, but here? Where being a part of a clan meant you could be shyer than Hinata, more vapid than Ino, more forgettable than Shino, and you would _still_ be a part of the world, still belong, still _matter_ , because you're not just you, you're you _and_. You're more than just one, you're one _and_.

It's a burden, it's a responsibility, it's difficult, it's confusing, it's crushing, it's exhilarating, it's _yours._

And here we are, talking about ripping all that away from someone who's just lost the only immediate family he has, along with his career, his livelihood – part of his _identity_ – and we're taking the rest of it away too?

Madara going mad because the clan exiled him wasn't even strange – it was _expected_.

And Minato-sama, being a clanless civilian-raised, won't _get_ it. Not really.

But pragmatically and politically, he wasn't even wrong. His solution was actually the easiest, neatest, and best way to secure Obito-kun's future. Being a go-between would give him a purpose, something he's been lacking since the Kannabi Bridge mission, and it would be one step closer to Dorothy-ing Egghead. Not to mention, it would save the Uchiha a lot of flak, though it would _give_ them a lot of flak too, depending on where people's sympathy…shifts…

And there's always reinstatement…when I'm clan head, or when Itachi-touto's clan head, or, heck, when _Sa-chan's_ clan head…

My face contorted into a frightening grin, because _ooh, do I feel like a Slytherin_.

I'll make it so that when Obito-kun _is_ exiled, the rumour-mill gives out two versions of the cause, both of which will be semi-fabricated and therefore, will cause people to question which one is true, and not go looking for a different reason, which is what they would do if I only circulated one version.

Version number one would be that Otou-san was coerced into it by Danzou, who was trying to shut down the KMPF 'for some nefarious reason', which people can probably come up with on their own. And I can always helpfully point out that he has a bandage on his eye, yet his depth perception seems to be fine. Wonder why, eh?

Version number two would be that Orochimaru was somehow involved, and that Obito-kun had been caught in the crossfire after being injected by an experiment gone wrong, but because Orochimaru wanted to extract his DNA, and he needed Obito-kun to have no clan connections to protect him, he'd joined forces with Danzou so that the Uchiha would tear themselves apart from the inside.

Both would leave the Uchiha with sympathy, and Danzou would no longer be a 'background' character. He'd be _in_ the rumour mill, and people do _wonders_ with their imagination to link two rumours together.

Everyone already knows _something_ went down with Orochimaru, though they don't know what. This'll add to the confusion, and none of it actually paints Obito-kun in a bad light.

"Leave it to me, Minato-sama," I said, mind running a marathon and wondering when I can nab Shisui-chan and Kabuto to fine tune the plan. "One exiled Obito-kun coming right up, with an ample serving of flambéed Danzou."

Minato-sama sweatdropped.

* * *

 **OMAKE (for aXross)  
I hope it's sufficient! ;)**

One fine morning, Akito stepped out of her house with a rock on her head.

It was a little thing with a crack in the middle, observed Shisui, and it had two pieces of red glass stuck on it.

Shisui thought to question it, but before he could, she gave him a smile in greeting, and his heart fluttering distracted him from that line of enquiry just long enough for a mob of minions to crowd around them, asking questions left right and centre, ranging from proper projectile handling to the physics of getting over break-ups (the latter of which made no sense, given the inquisitor was perhaps, at _most_ , ten years old).

And then, as per usual, they were late for the academy.

 **0.O.0.O**

From the back row, Seki the Orphan was confused, and he nudged the sleepy Nara boy next to him. "Hey, why does Akito-hime have a rock on her head?"

In a profound example of Chinese whisper, the entire class was soon discretely questioning The Rock, and Shisui was eagerly gleaning the inner workings of the minds of the future of Konoha.

"It might be a chakra training exercise," whispered Hyuuga Higaishi, the most sensible of the lot.

"Maybe it's a boomslang egg!" hissed Itsu Mari, a particularly dull species of human, in Shisui's charitable opinion.

Yūhi Daiki scoffed. "It's obviously a means for the princess to correct her poise."

"Slouching isn't a sin, Dai-chan," Shisui drawled good-naturedly.

"Why's slouching a sin?" asked Akito, flicking her eyes up from her homework.

"Dai-chan," Shisui said, by way of explanation.

From across the room, several students had huddled together to dissect the meaning of this odd conundrum.

Sato Isamu shrugged helplessly. "Maybe it's a recording device. Y'know, so she can totally catch us out if we lie or somethin'."

Moriyama Ito punched him in the shoulder. "Be serious, Isamu-kun! She can _already read minds_ ," she said in a matter-of-fact hushed whisper. "She doesn't need something so out-in-the-open for something like _that_."

"Maybe it's a new kind of weapon?" suggested Yowa the Orphan.

Akimichi Poko's eyes widened dramatically. " _The sacred pebble of pig-smiting!"_

"That's just a _story_ ," said Ito uncertainly. "A _myth_."

Isamu gulped. "But what if…what if the stories are _true?"_

Shisui, when he heard the theories, decided that maybe Aki-senpai should start giving disclaimers before beginning her stories.

And then Bunko-sensei walked in. The rock remained on her head with her none the wiser about the distress it was causing her peerage.

Bunko-sensei didn't _want to know_.

 **0.O.0.O**

Shisui walked Aki-senpai to the Nohara residence with a jaunty spring in his step.

"What's making you so cheerful?" she asked in suspicious amusement, happy that he was happy.

Shisui was just waiting for one of the curious bystanders to ask her about the rock. After all, it wasn't every day that you saw _visible_ _signs_ of Aki-senpai's insanity.

"It's just a very nice day," he said glibly. "The sky's bright, the sun's shining, the sea's blue—"

"You can't _see_ the sea," she pointed out.

He waved away her logic. "Details, details."

And still the rock sat on her head.

 **0.O.0.O**

With Akito safely ensconced in the warmth of Rin-nee's apartment, Shisui was mobbed by well-meaning stall-owners and shoppers.

"Is everything okay at home?" asked Kurumi the baker.

"What's with the rock?" asked Hibiki the fishmonger.

With several more questions, each a variation of the first two, sprung forth from the maws of so many adults, Shisui valiantly stifled a giggle and decided to fuck with their heads.

He tensed his face, making it as sombre as the grave, and looked into the middle distance with a haunted look.

"Everyone," he said softly, and they all quietened down, looking ever so concerned.

He looked at them all in turn, distress clear on his face. Nori the tea stall owner nearly had a heart attack from the tension.

"I just…I don't know what to say," he said in his best heartbroken voice, bringing a couple of tears to the surface. "All of us are…very worried for her. I just…please don't ask me such personal questions…"

Shisui nearly busted a gut from suppressed laughter when Nori started sniffling, and a couple of old ladies began praying frantically, rosaries at the ready. A huddle of men looked determined. "Don't worry, bocchama," they said, looking at the other crowders meaningfully. "We'll make sure no one brings it up."

Shisui nodded gravely, adding a head nod of gratitude. With that, he shunshin-ed away in quick succession to his room, before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

People were just really gullible, he thought fondly. Like silly little geese.

 **0.O.0.O**

On her way back from Obito's apartment, Akito was told reassuringly by several people that it was 'okay' and that they were 'praying for her'.

She just _knew_ Shisui had something to do with this.

 **0.O.0.O**

Kabuto and Shisui were sitting cross-legged in Akito's room, trying to solve the conundrum out.

"In all seriousness, this is a bit weird," said Shisui, "even for _her_."

Kabuto nodded, leaning against the bed post. "You said the rock had glass pieces on it?"

Shisui nodded. "About an inch apart, in a straight line."

"You should sketch it," said Kabuto, and if Shisui hadn't known him for so long, he'd have said no, because he wasn't going to be bossed around by _anyone_. But he also knew that this was just how Kabuto spoke, so he let it slide.

"Sure," he said, rummaging through Aki-senpai's drawer-of-knickknacks to find some paper and a pencil.

After he'd sketched it perfectly, with measurements and labels, the two boys studied it carefully in tense silence for five whole minutes, only pausing when they heard a cough from the other room.

Shisui looked in the direction of Itachi's room. "He caught the flu?" he asked sympathetically.

Kabuto nodded, not nearly as invested in Akito's family as Shisui was. "I've got nothing," he said irritably. "What's so special about the rock?"

0.O.0.O

She had it on her head the next day, and the next day, and the day after that too. Shisui's curiosity was at an all-time high, and it was causing him undue angst.

Luckily, humanity's collective stupidity relieved most of his tension.

Some of the minions had begun wearing lucky charms around their necks at all times, worried that they might be possessed by the Rock Demons (Shisui was particularly proud of Emiko-san for that theory being in circulation). Others had taken to copying her, finding rocks of their own and walking around with them, finding it far harder than it looked to balance a rock on their heads all day long.

Several adults were seriously discussing an intervention, the Uchiha clan elders were calling in a meeting on Tuesday to discuss The Rock, and there were even written concerns to the Hokage to 'please do _something!'_ , which just added to his ever-growing stack of paperwork.

"A rock?" mumbled Minato, wondering if he'd read that right. "Why would…maybe it's a pet?"

His state of sleep deprivation allowed him to accept that sort of reasoning and he wrote back dutifully, completely uncaring about the ludicrousness of his claim. There were, as the saying went, bigger fish to fry, and he needed his brain cells to solve more weighty problems like the harvest imports and trade deals and hospital funding and the new bout of flu that had been in circulation for the last five days and whether Kushina was trying to kill him with her off-the-wall cooking, _not_ The Rock Issue.

He didn't know how right he was.

 **0.O.0.O**

Obito was the bravest and most blasé of the lot.

He just _asked_.

"Oh, this?" asked Akito, barely noticing the rock anymore, after having had it on her head for five days now. "You know, it's funny. I thought more people would ask, but I guess they're all just used to my insanity. Either that or Shisui-chan did something stupid again."

She mumbled that last bit, a gut feeling telling her that that was _exactly_ why he was having the _weirdest_ mood swings recently.

Obito cleared his throat, valiantly trying to drink all the juice in his sippy cup.

"Well, it's my temporary pet," she said with a grin on her face, giving him an ironic thumbs up.

Obito stared at her blankly. "…that doesn't explain _anything_."

Akito was just glad he was getting better.

 **0.O.0.O**

By the time Shisui's pride finally buckled and he decided to just ask and be done with it (the rock just didn't make _any_ sense!), she'd stopped wearing it on her head.

He was waiting for her outside her house to go to the Central district playground for morning training with the minions, when Itachi-chama, recently recovered from the flu, and she came out of the house with two light smiles on their faces.

His brain once more short-circuited, and by the time he regained his mental faculties, they were late. Again.

 **0.O.0.O**

Akito tucked her Otouto into bed, kissing him on the forehead and grinning.

"You didn't have to take him _everywhere_ with you," Itachi mumbled embarrassedly.

Akito giggled. "Of course I did. The world needed to _know_ about your mad rock decorating skills! Besides, pet rocks are all the fashion these days."

Itachi flushed a bright red, hiding under the blanket and wishing his bed would swallow him.

In his fevered state, he'd thought to bring out his artistic side like Hana did, but all _he_ managed was making a smiley face on a rock, and while usually he would've purged the bout of insanity from his very essence, he'd fallen into sleep shortly thereafter, and by then, Aneki had found The Rock of Shame and it was too late.

Aneki was seriously embarrassing sometimes, Itachi thought quietly.

But just the same…

It felt good to be so loved.

* * *

 _I'm trying not to make excuses for the hideously long time you guys have had to wait for an update. My_ God _. I'm so sorry. I had surgery and I'm still recovering (yay for youth and health amirite?) and then the sparring scene and Shisui just wasn't_ happening _, and then he suddenly exploded into the omake like a piñata._

 _And then Hamilton and the Avengers obsessions happened. Just. What. Also, Supernatural. Nuff said._

 _Point is, I'm terribly sorry. I meant to do_ loads _of updating this summer, but with the surgery and illness_ **during exam season** _(I missed_ _ **4 exams**_ _because of this STUPID thing and now I don't get a physics qualification AT ALL)_ , _I've had a lot of real life hitting me like a freight train._

 _I had another 5000 words to add to this, but I couldn't make you guys wait any longer._

 _Also, the reviews? ONE THOUSAND?!_

 _I think I might cry. Wow. Just, wow._

 _I hope you like the chapter! Lemme know, mkay? What do you think about Izumi and Koki taking over when Shisui and Akito graduate? What do you think about Yamato? (I LOVED writing that scene!) And Kushina? And the whole Obito thing?_


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